oz:

the
ANTI
socialexperiment

EvanTaylor

UniversityofIllinoisatChicago

oz: the
ANTI
-social experiment
1.INTRO
2. MISS BETTY
3. UZ
4. YEEZY TAUGHT ME
5. REAL
6. LOVE IN THE FUTURE
7. WAKE UP MR. TAYLOR
8.good kids || M.A.A.D. City
9.LOVE YOURZ
10. GENESIS
11. TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY
REFERENCES

"Wolves"
||DeadPrez,LetsGetFree||

[WolfHowls]
I'mnotahunterbutiamtold,
that,uh,inplaceslikeinthearctic,
whereindigenouspeoplesometimesmight,might,huntawolf,
they'lltakeadoubleedgedblade,
andthey'llputbloodontheblade,
andthey'llmelttheiceandstickthehandleintheice,
sothatonlythebladeisprotruding,
andthatawolfwillsmellthebloodandwantstoeat,
anditwillcomeandlickthebladetryingtoeat,
andwhathappensiswhenthewolflickstheblade,
ofcourse,hecutshistongue,andhebleeds,
andhethinkshe'sreallyhavingagoodthing,
andhedrinksandhelicksandhelicks,
andofcourseheisdrinkinghisownbloodandhekillshimself,
thatswhattheImperialistsdidwithuswithcrackcocaine,
youhavetheseyoungbrothersouttherewhothinktheyaregettingsomething
theygonnamakealivingwith,
theyisgettingsomethingtheycanbuyacar,
likethewhitepeoplehavecars,whycan'tihaveacar?
theygettingsomethingtheycangetapieceofgold,
whitepeoplehavegold,whycan'tihavegold?
theygettingsomethingtogetahouse,
whitepeoplehaveahouse,whycan'tihaveahouse?
andtheyactuallythinkthattheressomethingthatsbringingresourcesto
them,
butthey'rekillingthemselvesjustlikethewolfwaslickingtheblade,
andthey'reslowlydyingwithoutknowingit.
thatswhatshappeningtothecommunity,youwithmeonthat?
thatsexactly,preciselywhathappenstothecommunity,
andinsteadofblamingthehunterwhoputthedamnhandleandbladeinthe
ice
forthewolf,
thatwhathappensisthewolfgetstheblame,getstheblamefortryingto
live,
thatswhathappensinourcommunity,
youdon'tblametheperson,thevictim,
youblametheoppressor,Imperialism,whitepoweristheenemy,
wastheenemywhenitfirstcametoAfrica,
andsnatchedupthefirstAfricanbrothershereagainstourwill,
itstheenemytoday,
andthatsthethingthatwehavetounderstand.

[Clapping]

oz:theantisocialexperiment


EvanTaylor
UniversityofIllinoisatChicago

INTRODUCTION

Paynoattentiontothemanbehindthecurtain.Oz

Perhapshomeisnotaplacebutsimplyanirrevocablecondition.JamesBaldwin

It is of vitalimportancethatstudentsofallages,ethnicities,andbackgroundslearntolove
themselves unapologeticallythat is more important than knowledgeofmathematics,literacy,
or any other subject area. If a human being has not learned how to love herself or himself,
then all other learning isworthless. The apostle Paulwhooncesaidinhislettertothechurch
in Corinth, Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angelsand have not love, I am
become as a sounding brassoratinklingcymbal.AndthoughIhavethegiftofprophecy,and
understand all mysteries, and all knowledge and though I have all faith, so that I could
remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. Andthough Ibestow all of my goods to
feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me
nothing(1Corinthians13:13KingJamesVersion).
As I have proceeded through my teaching and learning experiences, I have come to find
that many classrooms andeducational practices focus on feeding the mind but deprivingthe
heart. Within the schools that I have served in the Austin community, many ofthe students
have been deprived of their knowledge of love and have been forcefed thecapitalisticideas
of learning as much as you canso that they can get high paying jobs without thinking about
who they hurt on their way to success. Sharing ideologies of love and participating in
conversations about love in the classroom is of vital importance when teaching all children
especially when working with Black children. In too many contextsincluding societal,

community, and schoolBlack children are constantly spoonfed explicit and implicit
messages that they should hate themselves, how they look, the neighborhoods they come
from, their home environments and anything that is associated with Blackness. It was
Malcolm XwhoaskedBlacksthequestion,Whotaughtyouto hateyourself?Throughouthis
engagement with Black folks during the 1950s and 1960s, Malcolm X wanted to get Black
people to wonder and question why they hated themselves and why did they not love
themselves. Had they been taught not to love themselves? Were those who were teaching
themperpetuatingthisideaofnotlovingthemselves?
When I examine Americas educational system to find who is teaching Black children, I
find that the majorityof oftheseteachersareofEuropeandescentandareoftenfemale.This
is an outgrowth of the facts that the American elementary education teaching force is
composed of 83% White female teachers, while White students make up less than fifty
percent of the student population (Kunjufu, 2015). While the demographics of students in
America is shifting, with White students no longer constituting the majority in many school
districts, it is paradoxical to know that teacher demographics are not changing. In some
contexts, such as Chicago, it is also true that the number of Black teachers is decreasing
(Kunjufu, 2015).In a society where racial bias and the ideology ofwhitesupremacypersists,
and where research continues to document Black childrens subjugation in the educational
system. I find the continued dominance of White teachers alarming. In 1979, JamesBaldwin
stated, The brutal truth is that thebulkoftheWhitepeopleinAmericaneverhadanyinterest
in educating Black people, except as this could serve White purposes. It is not the Black
childs language that isinquestion,itisnotthelanguagethatisdespised:Itishisexperience.
A child cannot betaught by anyonewhodespiseshim,andachildcannotaffordto befooled
(Ana,2004,p.106).

In the remainder of this essay, I draw inspirationfromBaldwins quote,theearlierpartsof

the introduction, and my classroombased experiences to arguefor the importance of Black
male teachers in the classroom predominated by Black children and for the importance
teaching Black children from a place of love. In teaching Black children, one cannot be
neglectful of thelongstanding history of hatred for Blackness and Black people in the United
States. One can teach Black children in unloving ways that will not be detrimental to their
success, but will be detrimentaltotheirheartsandtotheirlove andrespectofthemselves.As
an educator, I am always constantlyasking myself how can I implement love of self into my
lessons. I do not wish to carryon as one of the Tin Men and Tin Women, who have lotsof
knowledge,butwhohavenohearts.Instead,Iwant my studentstogowithmeonajourneyto
see the wizard so that they can receive not only their brains, buttheir hearts,their courage
andtomaketheclassroomfeeljustlikehome.
MISSBETTY
Nevergetusedtothatrunnerup.
See,yourfutureisontheupandup,
andyoudonthavetoprovethatyouretoughenough.
Tell,emschoolsgonnabeyouruppercut
nowkeepchoosingtheneutralcolorchucks,
andthisbattleisntofthefleshandthebloods.
Eventhoughtheyrerunningamuck,justgettothebus.
JGivens||The
BusStopSong

As I began on this journey to find both what I need from Oz and taking my students
along with me there were a fewpeople that Imetalong theway.OneofthepeoplethatImet
before embarkingcompletely on this journey was Ms. Betty, I met Ms. Bettywhilewaitingfor
the 57 bus on Madison and Laramie. I was on my way back from the BacktoSchool event
that theschoolhadputoninordertogive thestudentsachancetomeettheirteachersandto
get school supplies that they would need throughout the year. At the beginning of theday I

was still a little reserved and notsure how the parents or students would receive me, but at
the same time I was eager to meet many of the parents and the students that I would be
teaching.
When the event first began, I wasstaying fairly close to my mentor teacher and was
trying to see where he wasgoing to set up shop so that I could also be near by to meet the
students and their parents. But as I saw that he was not necessarilytrying to make roomfor
me to be near by and also due to the fact that beeswere flying around where the teachers
were waiting Idecidedtoembarkonajourneyformyself inordertomeetsomeoftheparents
and specificallythe students sincetheyweretheonesthatIwouldbeseeingwithonthedaily
basis and seeing more thanmyown family. I found myself on the basketballcourt, shooting
hoops with students and sweating with them as well. AsIshowedstudentswhowastrulythe
baller on the court, I also met with parents and began to form my own identity amongst the
students and parents. As the students would come to the half of the court that I was on I
would greet them and commence thesimpleshakeupthatit seemsthatisthetypicalthingto
do amongst Black males, both young and old. As many of the students came to find that I
would be teachingwithin one of the classrooms, theybecameelatedandwereeagertobein
my class one day. I remember one youngerstudent whenhefoundoutthatIwasgoingto be
working with the fifth graders said that he had to make it to the fifth grade so that he could
have me as a teacher. That within itself let me know that Iwas ontherightyellowbrickroad,
for my journeyingtoOzwasalreadyinspiringotherstodothesame.Itmademereminisceon
the quote by Marianne Williamson in her poem,
Our Deepest Fear
, she wrote,
Our deepest
fear is not thatwe are inadequate.Ourdeepestfearisthatwearepowerfulbeyondmeasure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you
not to be? You are a child of

God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people won't feel insecurearound you.We are all meant to shine, as
children do. We were born to makemanifest the glory of God that is within us. It's notjustin
some of us it's in everyone.And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberatesothers.IdidnotknowthatIwasembarkingonajourneythatwouldbe
thisliberatingtoBlackbodies,butyetitwasandisjustthat,ajourneyofliberatinglove.
After playing some more basketballand meetingparents,Idecidedtocallitadayand
prepared myselftoheadhome.ImademywaytoMadison and onceIgotthereIrealizedthat
the bus would not be coming for another ten minutes. It was at this point that I noticed an
elderly Black woman approaching the busstopaswell.As webothstoodtherewaitingonthe
bus and as our Black skin glistened in the summer sun, the elderly woman opened up the
conversation by asking me how long itwasuntilthe buswouldarrive.Itwasatthispointthat
Ibegintodocumentabitoftheexperienceinmyjournal,Iwrote:

met an older woman at the bus stop today and we randomly began to engage in a
conversation. she mentioned that she had a nephew who would have played with this
years Jackie Robinson West team that won the National Championship. We looked
around the Austin community from our view at the bus stop, and when I told her I was
teaching out there she told me about how challenging it is to get kids to pay attention.
We then went on to discuss what changes could be made in the community to bring the
community back to a stage where we once were.
After that discussion, I looked Ms. Betty in the eye and told her that our people are
gonna get our stuff together and everything will be alright.
And Ms. Betty looked at me, smiled and said "okay"...

That smile has served as the lighthouse in my journey towards Oz and thosewords
have served as the still strongvoicewithin my ears asIprogress throughoutthisexperience.
And through myconversationwith her I have made my rallying cry amongst the students, if

you want to be somebody and if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay
attention!

UZ
TherewasamaninthelandofUz...Job1:1

In my time I have spent within the elementary education program at the

University and the time I have spent within the classroom as a student teacher, Ihave
learnedthatonthejourneytoOzsometimesyouhavetostopbythelandofUz...

I have been a strong advocate into the belief that as teachers, weare advocates for
our students.But itdidnot hit me that much until I had to find how todealwiththeaftermath
of the murder of Mike Brown. I recall that assoon as I foundout thathewaskilledandleftin
the street, I asked myself what was I going to do and how was I going to bring this
conversation to the classroom? I knew that before I entered the classroom that I could do
something at theuniversity, and that action that I took was that of a demonstration. I figured
that when the historians tell the story of this situation and when my childrenask me where I
was and what Ididwhen all of these events transpired I can say I was amidst thesparkthat
started the revolution. I have penned many letters before but the one that I wrote to
professors regarding the rally ended up finding its way to news outlets. Before I knew it a
gathering that was projected to have only a few participants ended up being a publicized
eventwheremanypeopleinthevicinityoftheUniversityofIllinoisatChicagowerepresent.
At the rally, I spoke about the murder of Mike Brown and the disregard for Black life
within the United States specifically, but then later turned a more critical eye towards the
university. I broughttolighthowtheuniversityhaddisplacedfamiliesandthenmadeitsothat
the children of those families could not attend the university that occupies the area in which
they used to live. Butlittle did Iknowthatthisrallywould end upturningmanypeopleagainst
me, including some of those within the very program that I have beenin for these past two

years.Someof themwerealreadyagainstme,butthisrallywouldpolarizemefromthosethat
Iconsideredmypeersandendeduphavingmebeinglabeledasaradicalamongmypeers.
Many days I question some of my actions and wonder if the isolation and words
exchanged behind my back were worth it, and I always come back with a resounding yes. I
had a talk with ProfessorRao,lateinthesemesterabouthowIwascopingwithalltheevents
that had transpired in the previous semesters and it was one of the first times I wasable to
open up and express the pain that I had been feeling and the cross that I was bearing
throughout the program. I spoke to the fact that I did not mind being the outcast of the
classroom, but my heartdidmind being cast out. In her office, Irecalledwithherthefactthat
on one day inclass I had came in late becauseIwasmeetingwithProfessorKatsarouabout
another matter.WhenIcameintotheclassroomeveryonehadfoundtheirseatsalreadyandI
found a seat on the outskirts of the classroom. When it was time for us to work in groups, I
stood up and looked around to find that no one was available to be my partner and no one
was willing to form a group of three. So, there I was on the outskirts looking in and it was
moments like that often made me feel like the sacrificial lamb. There were other moments
althoughthatshapedmeasateacher.
In going through theseexperiencesandmomentsI learnedthemeaningofthehymnal
words,
Must Jesus bear the cross alone and all the world go free. No, theres a cross for
everyone, and theresacrossforme
.Beforetheseexperiences, Imerelyknewwhatitmeant
to talk thetalkandtomerelysaywhatIwoulddoinstandingupformystudentsandspeaking
up when it came to Black issues.I was undertheimpression,duringmytheoreticaltime,that
the world was more advancedand ready to moveinto moreequaltimesandpractices.Butin
the experiences I have mentioned in this previous section, I learnedoftheracismandhatred
thatexiststill withinourworldandIlearnedofthepaininbeingoneofthefewwhoiswillingto

stand up for whatis right. My father, achurch of Christ minister, once said to me that there
will always be the remnant. Therewill always be a small groupofpeoplewillingtodowhatis
right. In these experiences Ilearned that at times I have to be the remnant and Ihavetobe
willingtodealwiththepainthatcomeswiththataswell.
YEEZYTAUGHTME

No such thing as a life that's better than yours

No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing
J. Cole ||
Love Yourz

In my time working with children within the Austin community IcametofindthatIwas

learning more from my students and the community some days than theywerelearningfrom
me. In my work with students I came to find that as a teacher, you cannot geta student to
achieve their full potential if they do not love or value their ownself. I have found that if you
love a child more than they lovetheirownself,itwillbedifficultforyou togetthemtoachieve
because you wantthem to besuccessfulmorethan theywanttheirownselftobesuccessful.
InoneofmyjournalentriesIwrote:
You cannot effectively work with a student, when you love them morethan they love
themselves. You cannot work with any human being that you love more than they love
themselves. For if they love not themselves, how can they love you. Until they move into a
healthier state ofconsciousness, they are like a tree planted by a river,in that they shall not
be moved. You must pour healing waters into that river to inspire that child, that woman or
thatmantolovehim/herself.
The previous had been written the same day after I had been working with a student
who had missed numerous days of schoolandafterbeingtaughtandpushedto completehis
work, he refusedto do so. In the beginning stages of the year I would push and urge him to
do his best and let him know that I believed in him and that hecouldbewhateverhewanted
to be. I recall going the extra mile to make sure that he was able to complete the workandI
was always going tobatforhimamongstotherteachers,testifyingtohowhehastheabilityto

complete the work and to behisownbestself,butthathejustsimplyneedstheextrapushin

order to reach that mark.Onthis day, Ifoundthattheextrapushingandencouragementwas
always coming from my sideofthetable,Iwaslovingmystudentmorethanhelovedhimself.
I was walking down the yellow brick road and going to see the wizard for him and he was
sitting complacent onthe side of the road.On thisdayIrealizedthatIcannoteffectivelywork
with a student who has given up on him/herself, becauseIastheteachercannotwantyouto
besuccessfulmorethanyouwanttobesuccessful.Butthatdoesnotstopmefromlovinghim
and believing in him, it rather encourages me to find ways to get him to love himself and
seeing himself asa person worthy of being loved.Butthe questionstillliesinhowdoyouget
studentstolovethemselvesandtoseeloveasthemostimportantthingtheycanlearn?
I have found the simplest way togetstudentstofall inlovewiththemselvesistoshow
them your love of self and love of others. There have been manytimes during my teaching
experience that I have had to have oneonone conversations with students about loving
themselves the way that Kanye West loves himself. I often talk to students about why I love
Kanye West so much, and I tell them that I love him so much because he loves himself so
much and that he doesnt let what others say about him stop himfromlovinghimself.Ihada
talk with one of my female students who is very selfconscious after I had her be the line
leader one week and she had some students who talked back to her because they did not
want to listen to what shewas trying to tell them.Ipulledherasideandgaveheratalkabout
loving herself no matter what and having courage and belief in herself that could not be
flustered by what others believed or said about her. It is within this small conversation, and
others like it, that I havefoundthattheirisnooneway togetstudentstolovethemselves,but
each and every person has their own way in which they learn to love themselves
unapologetically. For some students the love of themselveswillnotoccurandbebirthedover

night, but will be fostered through many years of being lovedby others. Some students will
begin to love and appreciate themselves after you have one or two conversations with them
and for others it will take them weeks, months or even years before they learn to love
themselves. It is up to the teacher to foster the relationships of student with themselves in
orderforthemtobegintolovethemselves.
As teachers we must introduce our students to themselves again,becausetheselves
that the media andtheworldingeneralpresentstoourstudentsisonethatisdetrimental and
deficit based. Itshows students all that they are lacking andhow ifthey arenotwhatsociety
deems beautiful then you are not worthy of love. We have toshowour students the parts of
themselves that arebeautiful and that are worthy of love. We have to show ourstudents the
things about themselves that are beautiful. With Black students wemust fall in love with the
parts of them that they have been taught to hate. We must encourage our Black children to
love their hair, their clothes, their communities, their language and their skin. Indoingso,we
allow them to reach their goals and aspirations in life. We allow them to once again see
themselvesasindigochildren,aschildrenwhoaredestinedforthesky.
REAL
IdowhatIwannado
IsaywhatIwannasay
WhenIfeel,andI
LookinthemirrorandknowImthere
Withmyhandsintheair
Improudtosayyea
Imreal,Imreal.Imreallyreallyreal
KendrickLamar||
Real(feat.AnnaWise)

There have been many days whereanyone couldhavewalkedintomyclassroomand

heard me telling my kids that theyweregettingonmylastnerve.Therehavealsobeenmany
days where you would have observedmetellingthemykidsthatIlovethem,buttheystillget
on my nerves.Justabouteverydayyoucouldhavewalkedintotheclassroomandnoticedme

telling one of my kids or all of my kidsatoncethatIlovethem.Therearedayswhenyoucan

walk into my class and hear me talkingto students about what I would do ifI wereazombie
and how they would havea difficult time taking medown.Therearedayswhenyoucanwalk
into my classroom andsee students with their heads down because of theburdensthatthey
have been and arecarrying their entire lives are getting the bestof them,There are days in
my classroom whereImustfightbacktearswhenlisteningtothe storiesofmystudentsabout
the loved ones that theyhave lost either because of death or because of the new JimCrow.
There are days when you can walk into my class and hear screams of excitement as my
students learnnewconceptsandshineasbrightasthediamonds.Fortheirshine,justlikethe
diamonds from Africa, have been stolen fromthemandin thisclasswehavegiventhemtheir
diamonds and theirshiningback.InmyclassroomyoucanhearWorldsGreatestbyRKelly
playing and you can hear my students voices singing in the background as well. In my
classroom you can find me dancing alongtoastudentsingingHappy.Inmyclassroom,you
can find me having a dance off with students or having my own dancebreak as myself and
another student reminisce on 50 Cents21Questions. Inmyclassroomyouwillaskyourself
where are all of the rough and rowdy kids you were told that reside within this classroom,
within this school, or within this community. In this classroom, you will have to don a pair of
Ray Bans because mystudents are so bright. You will also have towear the Nemean lions
skin because of how sharp my students are in all subjects. You will have to carry a
speedometer because of the quick witted comebacks that my students throw back and forth
like a football. In my classroom you will have to wear pads because I am constantlymoving
around the classroom like Shaquille ONeal trying to box out to get a rebound. In my
classroom, you will know and see what is real. Real is having students come to not reading
anywhere near grade level, but towards theendoftheyeartheyarebeggingformoretimeto

read. Real is when students yourstudentsarejustlikeyourown familyandyouareliketheirs

as well. Real is when you understand what it means to love someoneinto loving herself or
himself. Real is when you understand what it means to love someone intoloving himself or
herself. Real is when you love yourstudents even when they are at times unlovable. Real is
teaching your students the parts of them that are lovable and worthy oflove, which is all of
them. Real is taking timeeveryday to tell you students how much youcareaboutthem.Real
is fist bumping every students before they leave your presenceandgo home. Real is telling
students that you are teaching them so that they will one day not need a teacher. Real is
investing spiritually, physically,mentallyandfinanciallyin yourstudents.Realisteachingyour
students the statistics and helping them realize that statistics are based on others not on
them. Realishypingyourstudentsupsothattheycangooutintotheworldandsuckerpunch
it in the neck. Real is teaching your students to become the very thing they want to destroy
and teaching them how to destroy what you have taught them to become. Real is teaching
your students the beauty of their cocoons, but alsoteachingthemnottobecomecomfortable
within them. Real is teaching your students what is beautiful. Real is teaching you students
that they do not have to become the butterflies that will be pimped. Real is teaching your
students that they are destined for the sky. Real is teaching your students that they are
dandelionswhoshouldnotdesiretoresidewithinanyonesrosegarden.Realisteachingyour
students to see arosewiththornsandnota thornbushwithroses.Realisroom112andallof
those who have come through those doors this year. Room 112 is my squad and my squad
recognizes real. Realrecognizerealsowhenyou entermyclassyoumustintroduceyourself.
Becarefulwiththoseloadedassumptionsbecauseyoumayendupshootingyourself.
LOVEINTHEFUTURE

If you compare yourself with others

you may become vain or bitter
for always there will be persons greater or lesser than yourself

The Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

For decades and even centuries we have bought into an education that encourages
individuals tobe Tin Men and Tin Women, in that we cherish the mindandrebuketheheart.
We look at the issues and protestsrisesfromFerguson,WallStreetandmanyotheravenues
and we ask how havewe gottentosuchatimeandsuchaplace.Theanswertothequestion
is because we have gone so far away from love and love no longer hasa place within the
classroom or with the ideology of this successfailure paradigm of capitalism. American
education hasbecomeacapitalisticsystemwherechildrenarebeingtaughtearlyonthatthey
must be successful by any meansnecessary.Childrenarebeingtaughtthattheymustbethe
best of the best within the classroom and within the world, but are not being taught how to
care for others. We are no longer raising children, but rather arethrowingcrabsintoabarrel,
in which once any one crab sees another about to get out of thesystem, they reach up and
pull him or her back into the barrel. But despite the currentsituationofAmericaseducational
system and its lack of love, I am still hopeful. As Yasiin Bey said, in quotingCornel West,
Hope is different from optimism Hope isknowing and havingfaiththatthingsaregoingtobe
better even when things look horrible. Optimism is looking at the situation and based on the
facts and saying that things look fairly good and that things are going to be alright. In an
educational system as we have today, we must be hopeful for both today and tomorrow,
hopefulthatOzcangiveuswhatwehavejourneyedforinthefirstplace.
As a future teachers of Black students must remember that the media and the world
has taught the young Black boy and Black girl to hate him/herself. It is your duty as their
educator to guide them back into a relationship where they can once again fall in love with
themselvesagain....
WAKEUPMR.TAYLOR

IknewIwasgonnaseeya

IknewIwasgonnaseeyouagain!
Iwasgonnaseeyouagain
Where'syourgoddamnbookbagat?
Alwayscarryin'thatlil'bookbag
Nobodywannaseethat
Goddamnfourthgrader,sityo'assdown
Youwannaplayitagainlikehegotsomethin'elsetodo
Youain'tgotnothin'elsetodo
Youain'tdoin'nothin'withyo'life,nothingwithyourlife
Whatdoyouthinkthisis?
YoubetterlookatmewhenI'mtalkin'toyou!
Youthinkthisiseasydon'tyou?
Youthinkthisispromised
Oh,ain'tnothin'promisedwithyou
Lookatmyface,doIgotapromiseface?
DoesitlooklikeIpromiseyouanything?
Kanye!Isyousnorin'inmyclass?
WakeupMr.West!WakeupMr.West!Mr.

KanyeWest
,WakeUpMr.West

AtthispointIbeganwakingup...
mystudentsdidntneedmetobeateacherthisyear,inthecollegiateor
professionalsenseoftheword,buttheyneededmetobebrother...
iprayonedayallofmystudentsrealizethattheydontneedateacher

goodkids||M.A.A.D.city
Werealcool.We
Leftschool.We

Lurklate.We
Strikestraight.We

Singsin.We
Thingin.We

JazzJune.We
Diesoon.
GwendolynBrooks||WeRealCool

Thissectionisaminilovelettertomykidsinroom112whohaveshownmehowtoloveand
havebeenthenutrientstomysoulandidentity.

LOVEYOURZ
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing
J Cole - Love Yourz

In the past few weekson thisjourney to Oz I have come to realize thatBlackchildrendonot

necessarily need to betaught how to love themselves, but weasteachersneedtolearn how
they love themselves. In this experience, I entered thinking that the students did not
necessarily know howto love, butthey ended up teaching me that there are variouswaysto
show love to oneself and to others. Tosomestudents,showinglovemeans
bakingwiththem
and allowing them to go back and forth with you for a little while. For some, showing love
meant them coming up tome in the morning hours to simply give me a hug andtosaygood
morning. For some students,showinglovemeanslaughingatajokethatmayhavebeentold.
For some, showing love means walking them home after school to make surethey getthere
safe. For some, showing love means listening to their random stories about what theywould
do during the zombie apocalypse. For some, showing love means watching them shoot a
basketduringrecess.Forsome,showinglovemeansvoicingthatyouwillnotgiveuponthem
even when they give up on themselves. For some, showing lovemeansmaking eye contact
with them during randommoments of instruction and then proceedingto make a weird face.
For some, showing love means confessing to thewholeclassthatyoualsotalktoyourselfso
that when they talkto themselves they do not feel as though they are the only ones who do
so. For some, showinglovemeansallowingthemtostrugglethroughreadingandtonotallow
anyone but you to help them. For some, showing love meansbuying themthings.Forsome,
showing lovemeansbeing there. For some, showing love meansbeing there.Being thereis

the best love that the students have taught me and shown me. There is power, love and
beauty in showing up in mind, body and soul. There is power inwantingtobeseenaswell.I
spent a good portion of my student teaching experience trying to show them how to love,
when what I really needed to do was learn how to love from them. There is nogreater love
than the lovetaught to you by your students. There is nogreater lovethan the love of those
who have been written off by so many as unlovable. And therefore to my students I say,
theresnosuchthingasalovethatsbetterthanyours,nosuchthing,nosuchthing...

GENESIS
Youintendedtoharmme,butGodintendeditallforgood.HebroughtmetothispositionsoI
couldsavethelivesofmanypeople.||
Genesis50:20
Genesis is defined as an origin, creation or beginning. That is exactly whatthis journey has
been a genesis experience, I have learned a lot but it is just the beginning of the journey. I
have hadmany experiences that should have broken meor harmedmeorhinderedmefrom
wanting to pursue teaching especially on the west side of Chicago, butitwasallintendedfor
good.
TOPIMPABUTTERFLY
Butterflies can not see their ownbeautiful wings, just like our students cannot see their own
beauty andpotentialattimes,itisthejoboftheteachertooccasionallyholdupamirrortoour
students so thatthey can be remindedoftheirbeauty.Ispentagoodportionofmyjourneyto
oz trying to hold up a mirror to my students, only to find that they were the mirrors that I
needed to look into to be reminded of the beauty that resides within them and concurrently
within my own self. The west side and the Austin community has served as thecocoon for
both myself and my students this year and together as we draw to this end of this cycle of
metamorphosis, we emerge as beautiful butterflies. The only question is when we get our

wings and emerge will we fly away from the westside and look for a life of grandeuraway
from our cocoons resting place? Will we leave and only talk about the struggles and leave
those who still reside her to fend from the central pimping service of students in Chicago,
especially within the Austin community?Or will we pimp the system and show the world the
loveandthepowerthatexistswithinthispartofthecity?

IfyouwanttoknowmyanswerjustwatchtheWizardofOz,andhearDorothyswordsasshe
clicksherrubyslipperstogether...

Shesaysthereisnoplacelikehome...

Austintome...ishome...

thisbutterflycannotbepimped...

toprofitfromthepainofothersistobepimped
tosufferwiththosewholoveyouandwhoyouloveistopimpthesystem...

mustJesusbearthecrossaloneandalltheworldgofree?
notheresacrossforeveryone...

andtheresacrossforme
cantyousee
thingswingswillsetmefree

butfreedontmeanleavingallthosewhohelpedandmoldedme
reachingfortheskyweoftenforgetthedandelionsatourfeet
butweoftenforgetthatwhenwefallbacktowardtheground,thedandeliongodsand
goddessesarethosewhomweshallmeet
clickmyrubyredJordansandrepeatafterDorothyDandrige
ifiwerewhiteiwouldcapturetheworld
butmyberryistooblackandthereforetoosweetsoimakewhitesupremacyhurlmefromthe
bottomlesspitoftheirbelly
andinbeingspeweditakeflight
thisbutterflyhaswingsasdarkasnight
thisbutterflyhaswingsthathavebeenoftendeprivedofflight
butmuchlikeMaya,iknowknowwhythecagedbirdsings
itsingsbecauseoftheloveandhopethatitmelodybrings
thisbutterflycannolongerbepimped
iwillnolongersitaroundwhileyoucallmeachimppanzee
iamoutofmycocoonandthewestsideandstillsteadybirthinme...

iprayonedayallofmystudentsrealizethattheydontneedateacher
_ _______________(_)______________

You'reherenow.Youhavetohelpme
Youhavetohelpme
Ineedyou.Youhavetohelpme

Youhavetohelpme
Youhavetohelpme
Pleasehelpme
Pleasehelpme
Please
Pleasehelpme
||ChildishGambino,Life:TheBiggestTroll||
REFERENCES
Ana,OttoSanta.
Tonguetied:TheLivesofMultilingualChildreninPublicEducation
.Lanham:
Rowman&Littlefield,2004.Print.
Kunjufu, Jawanza. "Articles."
African American Images
. African American Images, n.d. Web.
07
Mar.2015.<http://africanamericanimages.com/Articles.htm>.