Adrianna Vigil

Ms. Diaz
English 120
Reflective Essay- Traditional Revision
I did not get much feedback for my MWA 1. It was not perfect but there werent too
many things that I needed to fix. Which of course, I was proud of because it meant that I had
improved. I started by sending in my paper to the CAPS online writing lab. Although they were
impressed with somethings they sent it back with comments on what I could fix in order to have
to ready for my portfolio. In addition to that they also sent an explanation in the actual email
itself that gave me even more information on what I needed to fix. What I did in order to fix what
they said I need to, was first read my paper out load, slowly to myself. They told me to do so in
order to hear things that sounded informal or that one would not typically put into a paper. I was
quickly able to fix many things I wrote that just sounded strange or out of place. By doing this I
was also able to spot out idioms and remove them from my paper such as That is what makes an
advertisement, an advertisement. I then replaced this sentence with This is what makes an
advertisement, appealing. A main thing that CAPS told me I should fix was the definition of the
three appeals; ethos, pathos, and logos. In my original MWA 1, after my introduction I dedicated
a whole paragraph to defining the three appeals, . The Penn State advertisement used 3 appeals;
ethos, pathos, and logos. Ethos is done by giving credibility and trustworthiness to the
advertisement. In the revision of my MWA 1 I took out the paragraph and instead put the
definitions of the three appeals in the beginning of the paragraphs where I talked about how they
were used throughout the commercial. I think this better helped guide my reader through my
paper. When putting my definitions at the beginning of my paper my reader could forget what
they were by the time they read what I wrote about them. Writing the definitions right before I
talked about them also helped to better guide my reader because they would immediately read
examples. This could help them to better understand the appeals and their definitions.

Adrianna Vigil
Ms. Diaz
English 120
I then took your advice from my original MWA 1 and revised the section where I talked
about what content was in the advertisement. Since you said I had basically word for word
copied this paragraph I changed it up a bit. I used different examples and expanded on some of
my ideas.
In order to take my paper to the next level I added document design. This not only helps
to make my paper more appealing but it can also help readers of my paper follow my thoughts
and ideas. I started by adding the logo of UNM and Penn State University, College of
Communications to the beginning of the document. I put an arrow in between the both of them to
symbolize that one needed to be transformed into the other. Specifically, UNM to Penn State,
College of Comm. This helps the reader to maybe get an idea of what is to come in the paper. It
communicated that some of the strategies and ideas used at Penn State should be used at UNM in
order to recruit more people into their communication department.
Throughout the document I continued with document design by dividing my paragraphs
into different sections and giving them a different heading. I put the headings in red and
underlined them. This allowed them to grab the readers attention and jump put at the reader. I
wanted to have fun with the headings of the different paragraphs, I not only wanted them to
explain what the paragraph was going to be about but I also wanted them to be a little funny. A
little comedy relief. Different titles for the headings I used were Logos- Hit em with the facts,
and Ethos- Credibility Counts.
I believe that all these changes to my document helped to improve not only the content of
my work but also made it visually appealing. I was only able to do these things because of what I

Adrianna Vigil
Ms. Diaz
English 120
had learned in the previous semester and throughout this semester. My work has improved as
well as my understanding of the English language and writing.