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Eileen Sibrian
Professor Derohanessian
English 113B
13 April 2015
Abusive is Not Healthy
Black and blue, heart throbbing, tears flowing, Babe Im sorry, Ill never do it again. I
dont know what got into me. I just love you so much, I never want to lose you. Words said by
an abusive and manipulative partner. When one is in an abusive relationship, often times the
individual denies any sort of abuse that is occurring within the relationship. This correlates with
the fact that either the individual is staying in the unhealthy relationship, due to fear or belief that
the spouse or partner abuses them out of love or mere confusion. Statistics from the Domestic
Abuse Shelter show that About 4000 women die each year due to domestic violence and Of
the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to
leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended. Domestic violence amongst couples in
America can result in different outcomes, either positive or negative. The outcomes could be
speaking up and fleeing safely away from the relationship, could involve serious injuries, or
could be fatal. Therefore, the victim has to make a wise decision and take precautions of how
they will leave the abuser and the relationship for good.
When one enters into a relationship with a person, whose abusive attributes lurk within
the shadows, the person will show all qualities on the contrary of who they actually are. Theyll
appear to be loving, caring, and the ideal prince charming. Statistics from the Domestic Abuse
Shelter also convey that Seventy-three percent of male abusers were abused as children.
Statistically speaking, more than half of male abusers have an abusive history; and many

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unconsciously or knowingly want to feel that sense of power that was taken from them in their
past and gain it back from abusing their girlfriend or wife. So as time passes, their true colors
will begin to unravel. An abusive man may start with being verbally abusive. Still, the woman
will disregard it and make excuses that hes only acting out that way because of stress, hes going
through a rough time, or it was her fault she said something that set him off. A Youtube video
called, Signs of Emotional Abuse, states that if one feels like they have to walk on egg shells
to avoid him from lashing out, and it instills some type of fear, then theres a problem
(Mariana2026). One shouldnt live in fear with the one whom he or she loves. If theres fear of
the other partner, one is not staying for love, one is staying because he or shes continually being
manipulated.
However, theres a type of abuse that is evident as well and that is physical abuse.
Physical abuse is when a boyfriend or husband inflicts physical pain upon his girlfriend or wife;
such as hitting, kicking, pushing, and shoving. Nevertheless, there are perseverant women who
successfully leave their abusive partners, with the help provided from womens shelters. Theres
a woman named Allison, who obtained help from a womans advocacy called Women Against
Abuse. Her testimony is shared on the website; she was a woman who endured abuse for eight
years. Her husband was a man with many connections and attorneys, so she feared him and
feared losing custody of her son. Allison always had to apply tons of makeup to conceal black
eyes and bruises her husband gave her and one day she turned and saw her son watching from
the hallway, Allison knew it was time to break free from her abusive partner and the father of her
son she sought and found refuge in Women Against Abuse and was able to get a protection
order against her husband and sole custody of her son. But, many women who get treated this
way are in denial of what their partner is really doing to them. Women who are abused are

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usually in denial because they refuse to believe that the man they love is capable of hurting them.
According to Dealing With the Effects of Domestic Violence by Lynda Gibbons, signs of
domestic abuse are, making light of injuriesthe constant presence of overly attentive spouses
or partnerspresence of injuriesfracturesbruisingor those of a defense nature (Gibbons).
There are many ways of telling if one is being physically abused. Yet women who have been
brainwashed dont see that theyre being hurt, not loved, and definitely not being protected.
Fortunately, one can escape an abusive relationship, however, it can be a challenge
because it may aggravate his or her partner and result in serious injuries or death. So it is very
important one gets out as soon as he or she starts seeing the signs that their partner could
potentially be abusive. Theres also support groups one could attend so they could know that they
are not alone. When one leaves an abusive relationship, a low profile must be kept, for example,
change numbers or move to a new place. Anything that will completely cut off ties with the
abuser because often times the abuser becomes obsessive. It is crucial for one who has left the
relationship to be safe at all times, and according to an article in the Huffington Post called How
to Stay Safe After Leaving an Abusive Relationship, a restraining order needs to be obtained,
patterns need to be changed like shop at new stores, take different routes to work, change coffee
shops and gas stations, go to a faith service at a different time, switch to a new bank, keep loved
ones informed of whereabouts, and most importantly one must never isolate themselves where
there can be no witnesses (Nelson). Anything can happen at any moment, so it is important one
takes all the precautions necessary.
However, on the other hand, many dont believe in domestic violence. So when one
opens up to another that he or shes being emotionally or physically abused the person he or she
is speaking with doesnt take it seriously and says that he or she is overreacting, that its their

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fault for saying something that triggered a physical response, or that he or she should stay with
their partner because, theyre probably going through a tough time and need them to be there.
Many also see hitting their spouse or girlfriend as taking authority as being head of the house or
showing whos boss. Abusive men also take being violent towards their wife or girlfriend as way
to be the one controlling every aspect of their life and being the decision maker. Often times this
control comes from the man being extremely insecure and demands all the attention for that
reason.
To draw to an end, individuals who are unknowing to themselves as victims of domestic
violence need to know that it is not okay to be treated that way. Studies from Dealing with the
Effects of Domestic Violence showed that 49 percent of couples reported that violence in a
relationship can be a sign of confusion, and 29 percent thought it could be a sign of love
almost 80 percent of couples perceived violence not as abuse but as neutral behavior (Gibbons).
Being abused by the person one loves is not healthy. If a situation escalates out of control, one
could end up dead. Thus, the sooner one realizes that his or her relationship is not healthy, he or
she needs to get out of there, cut all ties, and take all safety measures necessary.

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Works Cited
Cavanagh, Michael E. "Why Do People Remain in Abusive Relationships?" Pastoral
Psychology, 44.5 (1996): 285-293. Print. 6 Feb. 2015.
Domestic Abuse Shelter, Inc. Domestic Abuse Shelter-A New Beginning. Domestic Abuse
Shelter-A New Beginning. Floridakeys.com, 2015. Web. 16 Feb 2015.
Gibbons, Lynda. "Dealing With the Effects of Domestic Violence." Emergency Nurse 19.4
(2011): 12-17. CINAHL Plus with Full Text. Web. 6 Feb. 2015.
Mariana2026. "Signs of Emotional Abuse." YouTube. YouTube, 19 May 2008. Web. 11 Feb.
2015.
Nelson, Rochelle. "How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship." The Huffington
Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 2015. Web. 16 Feb. 2015.
"Women Against Abuse: Advocacy in Action." Women Against Abuse: Hear Our Stories:
Survivor Stories: Allisons Story. Women Against Abuse, 2012. Web. 13 Apr. 2015.