Working on the Revision Plan

Week 10

Writing Activity
Please take out a separate sheet of paper and
answer the following questions:
Thinking about the two peer critiques (1.1a and
1.1b) you did this past week, what did you learn
from providing feedback to your peers?
In addition to improving your grade, why is
revision important? Why is revision a part of the
writing process?

What do you include in an intro?

What do you include in a body para?

What do you include in a conclusion?

How do you properly integrate quotes?

How do you cite your article?

What are some resources you can use when

revising your draft 1.1?

Brief Assignment 7
Objective: To demonstrate your ability to apply principles of revision to your own writing
Purpose: In BA6, you identified the elements that needed revision in someone elses paper.
In this assignment, you will do the same thing for yourpaper.
Description: First, write a short summary of the strengths and weaknesses of your current
draft. Using instructor feedback, peer critiques, and your own analysis, identify
the specific elements that work well for your intended reader and those that do not.
Next, write a plan of action. For your plan of action, begin by identifying three specific areas or
elements from your draft that you intend to revise and explain why you chose each one. Then,
using the recommendations from chapters 6 (see pp. 117-127) and 10 from First-Year
Writing and chapter 4 of the St.MartinsHandbook, explain the steps you will take to revise
each one. For example, if a particular paragraph is too vague for your reader, what are you
going to have to do to make it more specific? If your topic sentences do not represent the main
idea of each body paragraph, what will you do in order to better understand the main idea of
each paragraph prior to revising each topic sentence?
This should be submitted in an essay of 500-650 words.

Formatting for BA7

Strengths
Weaknesses
Plan of Action

Example Strengths Paragraph

According to the instructor feedback, peer critique, and my own reflections, the
strengths of my essay involve identifying strong rhetorical choices and supporting
them with engaging analysis. According to the feedback I received, my introduction
seems to be strong. It has a good thesis statement, and an introduction of key points
in the essay that are to follow. There were however some grammatical errors, and
sentence fragments that need to be revised. For my first rhetorical choice of personal
anecdotes, I made my point clear to a certain extent, but there was room for more
discussion, and analysis. The peer critique and instructor feedback noted that it had
less detail than expected and could be analyzed further in regard to its impact on the
audience. I also made some citation and grammatical errors. My second paragraph
about juxtaposition seemed to be the strongest according to the feedback I received.
There were however citation and grammatical errors. The feedback and critique also
reflected that the third paragraph was convincing enough. However, there were again
some citation errors, and weak sentence structure that needs revision (Sadiq 603).

Example Weaknesses Paragraph

According to the feedback I received, my biggest and obvious
weakness included citation errors and the use of quotes. My
introductory paragraph included some grammatical mistakes such
as improper use of commas after quotations, and some weak word
choices and weak sentences. My thesis statement also seemed to be
longer than necessary, and included unnecessary words. There were
also many quotation, and citation errors throughout my body
paragraphs that clearly reflected that I havent fully grasped the
MLA format. Some weak word choices and sentences were also
present in my body paragraphs, which made some portion of my
essay seem awkward. The rhetorical choice of personal anecdotes
needed further discussion and analysis (Sadiq 604).

Example Para of Plan of Action

First I will focus on the summarizing instead of analyzing. I will go through
each sentence of my work and write whether it is analyzing or summarizing.
If it is summarizing, I will ask myself if it aids in the analysis of the quote or
rhetoric device. In my first body paragraph, I was using an anecdote to
state how Steele uplifts himself by making his readers sympathize with him,
During the lecture as he is discussing his concept, the audience is dead
silent and he utilizes this silence to victimize himself, A speaker can feel
ganged-up on by such a silence (p. 451, Steele). Though this was a
summary, it helped in analyzing the rhetorical device. If a synopsis does not
aid in analyzing though, it will have to be removed. The majority of my
sentences in each of my body paragraphs were summarizing, so they will
have to be taken out or changed. There is one paragraph that I will have to
start from scratch though (Solis 605).

Workshop Activity
Using your strengths/weaknesses paragraphs you brought,
select the three main areas you will focus on during
revision and write a plan of action for one of those areas.
Trade your rough draft of your BA7 with someone else
(you have not worked with) and give that student feedback
on his/her work.
Is the students plan of action specific? Does the student
have a clear idea of how he/she will revise that one area?
Does the student identify major strengths and
weaknesses?

Any questions?

Informal Homework
Using the grading commentary, peer critiques,
and your revision ideas, revise your
introduction.
Please bring your original introduction and your
revised introduction to class next Monday
(November 9).

Before you leave

Please read the following by November 9:
Chapters 4i, 4k-l, 5a-b, 5d-e, pages 82, 87-92, in
the St.MartinsHandbook
Chapters 50 and 53, pages 661-664 and 678-685,
in the St.MartinsHandbook

Remember to bring your original and revised

introduction to class on November 9.
Turn in BA7 by November 6 on Raider Writer by
11:59:59 p.m.