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Alexandria Best
Professor Ditch
English 113A
23 September 2015
The Truth Behind Discovering your Child's True Identity
Gender stereotypes are created by the world and are enforced to young children by their
parents. Gender and sex have two separate meanings, sex refers to biological and physiological
characteristics in a person such as body parts and genetics. Gender refers to social stereotypes
such as gender roles, expectations, and behaviors a person is expected to adhere to in society. In,
Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender by Aaron Devor and From
Women, Men, and Society by Claire Renzetti and Daniel Curran, both articles share a common
main idea. The common idea between the two articles is that in western society very young
children are taught by their parents what specific gender and behavioral traits they should
perform based on their sex.
As we go through our lives in western society we are constantly expected to conform to
gender performances based on the sex we are born with. These gender stereotypes are enforced
by our parents as young children. In, Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of
Gender, author Aaron Devor discuses the gender performances of masculinity and femininity
and how they are taught to children starting at a very young age. Devor states, Very young
children learn their cultures social definitions of gender and gender identity at the same time that
they learn what gender behaviors are appropriate for them (36). Childrens minds are shaped to
think that they have to act or behave based on what sex they were born with, their minds are
shaped based on what they are taught by their parents and environment. Our parents and

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environment we grow up in as children form and build the people we become as we grow older.
From Devor, As we move through our lives, society demands different gender performances
from us and rewards, tolerates, or punishes us differently for conformity to, or digression from,
social norms (35). If we do not conform to these gender performances, we will be punished, and
if we do conform to follow societies rules, we will be rewarded for our actions. Everyday people
perform to what society wants them to be, what we see in the media also influences our
perception about what we are to do and who we are to be in society. People use femininity or
masculinity to claim and communicate their membership in their assigned or chosen, sex or
gender (38). Masculinity and femininity shape western societys view that there are only two
groups people can conform to and live under. This brings up the issue for the people who do not
fall under these two gender groups, these people fall in between. Discovering your gender should
be a lifelong process based on what you want as a person, not being forced into two categories
that society makes for us.
Research shows that parents do treat their children differently and give them different
expectations simply based on their sex. In the article, From Women, Men, and Society authors
Claire Renzetti and Daniel Curran discuss how parents shape their childrens personality and
behavioral traits based on their sex. Renzetti and Curan mention, Boys are typically dressed in
dark or primary colors, such as red and blue. They wear overalls that are often decorated with
sporting or military equipment, trucks and other vehicles, or superheroes. Girls are typically
dressed in pastels, especially pink and yellow. Their dresses and slacks sets are decorated with
ruffles, bows, flowers, and hearts. Parents also often put satiny headbands on their baby
daughters (despite their lack of hair) and have their ears pierced (77). Renzetti and Curran
illustrate that even starting at a young age parents push children into gender stereotypes, two

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categories of clothing and colors based on a childs sex. Parents conform to what society thinks
is correct for their children based on their sex, they force their kids to perform under a certain
gender. Renzetti and Curran stated, In studies with a related theme, researchers have found that
parents communicate differently with sons and daughters. Parents use a greater number and
variety of emotion words when talking with daughters than sons. They also talk more about
sadness with daughters, whereas they talk more about anger with sons (79). The way parents
talk and communicate with their children can shape a childs social demeanor for the rest of their
life. The way we communicate shows other people a lot about what kind of people we are and
what personality traits we carry. Renzetti and Curran state, Parents are teaching their daughters
to be more attentive to others feelings and to interpersonal relationships, while they are teaching
boys to be assertive, but unemotional except when expressing anger (79). Parents are creating
identities and personalities for their children based on their sex, children are taught to act and
react a certain way by their parents. Parents are teaching their children that boys need to be
unemotional and tough while girls have to be emotional and nurturing. Girls rooms reflected
traditional conceptions of femininity, especially in terms of domesticity and motherhood. They
contained an abundance of baby dolls and related items (e.g., doll houses) as well as miniature
appliances (e.g., toy stoves). Few of these items were found in boys rooms, where, instead there
were military toys and athletic equipment (80). Just by the types of toys parents buy for their
children they are already shaping their childrens minds to conform to what social identity they
need to perform.
Not all families conform to societies gender roles and expectations, these families give
their children the choice with how they want to dress, decorate their bedroom, and with what
toys they want to play with. My thoughts and views on the topic are that, all parents should teach

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their children the same values and communicate with them the same, no matter what sex they are
born with. In western society children should be given the choice on the people they want to
become as they grow older, parents should support and guide their children to discover the
person they want to be by not falling under gender stereotypes.
Growing up in my shoes, my family has been far from the typical American family
conforming to societies rules and guidelines. Throughout this essay I have discussed that in
western society young children are taught by their parents what specific personality and
behavioral traits they should perform based on their sex. When I was a young girl my mother
signed me up for ballet and soccer. I stuck with both for about a year until my mother saw how
unhappy I was in the ballet class, soccer ended up being my favorite. Most families in western
society put girls in dance or gymnastics only, while the boys are put in sports. I am lucky that I
had the opportunity to try both hobbies and that my parents gave me the choice to continue with
my soccer career that has carried on for the past 14 years and still going today. Soccer has
opened so many doors for me including meeting lifelong friends, learning discipline and life
values from my coaches, traveling the country, and overall reaching my goal to receive a
scholarship to play Division 1 Womens Soccer here at Cal State University Northridge. Parents
should give their children the choice to discover the person they aspire to be in this world. Just
by making a few simple changes parents can become more open minded and not conform to old
societal gender norms.
In, Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender by Aaron Devor
and From Women, Men, and Society by Claire Renzetti and Daniel Curran, both articles
discuss how parents can shape and form their childrens personality and behavioral traits they
should perform based on their sex. Discovering your gender should be a lifelong process that

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children should have the opportunity to complete and fulfill. If there are 7 billon people in the
world, I believe it seems unrealistic to categorize people into two gender groups.

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Works Cited
Devor, Aaron. Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender. Composing
Gender. Ed. Rachael Groner and John F. OHara. Boston. Bedford/ St. Martins, 2014. 3545. Print.
Renzetti, Claire and Curran, Daniel. From Women, Men, and Society. Composing Gender. Ed.
Rachael Groner and John F. OHara. Boston. Bedford/ St. Martins, 2014. 76-86. Print.