Narrative Draft

When I was 15 years old my step-father chased me around the house threatening to beat me for the last time. I
left home not knowing much about the world I was about to enter. My boyfriends family took me in. The catch was
I had to marry so we would not be living in sin. At 15 years old, I married David. He rented an apartment and we
tried to make it work but what did we know about love or relationships. At 16 years old, after the third fist fight, I
fled in the night. Walking to a truck stop and hitch hiking to California. I was perhaps naive but I knew the cost of
hitching a ride. By this point in my life, I had already been sexually abused by 2 strangers and the truck driver, the
father of a student I knew from High School, was about to be the 3 rd but whos counting? My grandmother
welcomed me but she was ill prepared to deal with a teenager. I immediately started working but lied about my
age. At 16 or 17 years old, I could not even legally sign a rental agreement for an apartment.

At 17, I met Brad at work. He was by all descriptions an odd duck. We moved in together, renting rooms, living in
a trailer parked in a front yard, and finally renting a one bedroom apartment. I became pregnant and we made the
drive to Las Vegas to marry. I was happy, hopeful and in love. I ignored red flags and focused on the pregnancy.
July 1987, I had a beautiful baby girl. What I did not realize was that Brad was overwhelmed by his newly minted
family. One day, six weeks after having a baby, Brad went out for a pack of cigarettes and never returned. He left
with the clothes on his back. I was in shock and denial. I was angry! How could this happen? I asked myself. How
did I end up here? Barely 18 years old, second marriage gone and a baby daughter to raise on my own. Brads
adopted father stepped up and helped me return to Las Vegas, where my mother and step-father lived. However,
my parents did not open their doors for me to return. I was homeless, hungry and found myself pushing a dirty
stroller with a million miles on it around the underbelly of Las Vegas. I always had a well feed, clean and happy
baby. She had no idea that life was serving lemons to her mother over and over. I enrolled in High School again.
Determined that my daughter would not repeat the mistakes I had made. It took almost 2 hours, 4 bus transfers to
get to night school but I went every day. Not only did I attend, it was the first time in my life I received As.
As much as I wanted a better life, I had no clue how to actually achieve it. When my daughter was about 1
years old I met Jay. He was 10 years my senior and seemed to genuinely love my daughter. As I fell in love with
him, followed him through thick and thin I learned everything I ever needed to know about his drug abuse and the
necessary criminal activity to support it. By the time, I met him he had been to prison twice for burglary or theft
and had two adult sons with their own prison records. Not growing up around drug abuse or criminals, I was pretty
clueless. I remember his own mother telling me to leave him. I unintentionally became pregnant and in an effort to
become a family we married. During my pregnancy my husbands use of crack cocaine increased. He stole the
rent money, the grocery money, he stole from me and friends and stores and cars, he begged on the streets and
he lied to everyone. His parents disowned him and me for staying with him. My family had disowned me too, so I
did not have a lifeline to reach for.
With a heavy heart and nine months pregnant, I scheduled an appointment with an attorney seeking my third
divorce; however, the day of the appointment I went into labor. He was not at the birth, presumably he was in a
drug den or otherwise running amuck. July 1990, I had a very sick child. My daughter, Jessica, was born with a

very, very rare genetic mutation called Beare-Stevenson Syndrome. In fact, she was the 6 th case in the world at
that time. Las Vegas doctors were not equipped to care for her, so UCLA Medical Center sent their plane with a
doctor, nurse and respiratory therapist to pick her up. My 6 day old baby was flown to another state, without me. I
had a sick baby, addict husband and 2 year old. Nothing had prepared me for what was to come. After being left
at UCLA hospital lobby all night with a 2 year old, no money and no car while he sought the comfort of drugs I told
Jay that he was either a hindrance or a help and that I was done! Within a year, he had violated his parole for the
umpteenth time and was sent to Ely, Nevada to serve the rest of his sentence. Eventually, he was released from
prison and crashed his motorcycle into a stopped car, dying at the scene Labor Day weekend. The Medical
Examiner found 8 illegal drugs in his system, drugs that are not general taken together by an addict. We will never
know if he intentionally combined these or if he finally crossed the wrong person. This event changed my life. The
very sad part of this story is that I was notified by local law enforcement and then contacted both of his parents.
Separately both said they had given up years ago and although both parents are very, very wealthy neither
intended to have a funeral for their own son. No one ever claimed his body. Eventually he was cremated and
placed in Potters field. I cannot imagine reaching the end of my life and not one person, not even the person that
brought you into this world, is willing to claim your cold dead body. I looked at my relationships differently after
that.

In 1991, I came to Salt Lake City for the first time. I flew in with Jessica while Nicole was at daycare. There was no
one to pick up Nicole from daycare had I not returned to Las Vegas; however, that thought didnt slow me down. I
dropped my healthy child off at daycare, drove to the airport, greeted the flight nurse and pilots, flew to SLC, met
the ambulance crew and went to Primary Childrens Hospital seeking care for my sick child. I remember that there
was an eclipse that day and the ambulance staff and I borrowed a leg x-ray to protect our eyes. At this point, I was
forced to relocate to a city that had a great pediatric hospital and SLC was going to be it. I did not know a single
person in the state of Utah but that did not change the fact that I did not want to live in Los Angeles and Las
Vegas did not have the resources I needed. I rented an UHaul truck, trailered my car and left Las Vegas. I lived
day to day. Not knowing what would happen next. I had been told that my daughter was terminally ill. In the first
year of life she had had dozens of surgeries, all very serious. I honestly did not know what normal was. I had no
family, no siblings, no spouse or boyfriend. I could not work because Jessica was so very sick. I also had to
balance the life of my healthy daughter.
Nicole grew up in the hospital, just as her sister did. In the morning, I would pack a bag full of crayons and
coloring books, a tape player and books, Barbie and snacks. She was told that no matter what to be still when
they say Code Blue, the staff will work around her. I met a man in SLC and married yet again. Perhaps an
optimist, I wanted Happily Ever After. I wanted to be a part of a family and he was Hispanic with a large
extended family. In 1993, I had a baby boy and the marriage was already in trouble. Over the next 11 years I
learned a new normal. It was violent in the early years but over time that passed. We separated several times,
even divorced but deep in a cycle of abuse I could not get free. I believed that no one would ever love me except
him. I believed that I would be nothing without him and I accepted him emotionally or physically abusing myself
and child, although I did not understand the extent at that time. I believed him when he said he would crush me, I
would never get alimony or child support. I foolishly believed that staying with my sons father would be better than

the alternatives. I cannot say that I felt the universe was punishing me but I was full of questions for the powers
that be. I felt like I had already gotten more than my share of heartache.
On 9/11/2001, I worked at a credit card company in West Valley City. Many employees went home because in
very prominent letters on the roof was the company name. In my opinion it said, Drop bomb here with an arrow.
In the days following the senior staff was answering the contact phone number for our parent company, Morgan
Stanley. I had the solemn duty to collect information about employees; missing, confirmed dead, presumed dead
or relocated. I was changed forever and that is saying something considering I had already seen my share of
troubles. I knew that life was precious and short. I knew on that terrible day, and the days after, that I could no
longer accept the life I was living. I had to change, I had to create a better life for my children.
By January 2002, I was enrolled in University of Phoenix. My ex-husband said to me, Why bother, you are too
stupid to graduate college. What a waste of money! I was unsure if that was true but I knew I could not continue
as I had been. My first class finished and I printed a copy of my grade. That day, as I placed a copy of my 100%
grade on my then husbands pillow, a shift occurred. I knew he lied. And if he lied about me being stupid, what
else had he lied about. In 2004, I left my fourth marriage and set off head high. I had saved grocery money for
three years. I had spent lunch hours searching for a home to purchase for my little family. That year I also bought
a vehicle without a spouse, first time in my life. I thought life was going to turn around. I was attending college and
working full-time. My oldest was a senior in high school, my younger daughter was in middle school and my son
was in elementary school.
I met a guy in my class that was nothing like anyone I had ever met. He was shorter than me by almost 3 inches,
he had a shaggy beard, over-grown hair and a serious coffee habit. I honestly thought he was strange at first but
soon I realized that he was the smartest person I had ever met. After my daughter graduated from high school, I
moved in with him. Both of us happily agreed that marriage was not for us. I was as content as I could be. I lived in
a nice home on the East bench, I had found a great friend and companion and my kids were doing ok. My oldest
was considering joining the military, my youngest was struggling with his fathers remarriage and middle school.
About six months after moving in together, my grandmother suddenly passed away. She lived a long and full life, I
was very sad to lose her but we celebrated her life June 2005. What I didnt realize was that was the beginning of
the worst summer in my life.
In September 2005, my Jessica passed away. She had overcome and endured for far longer than anyone asked.
She is the longest living person with her syndrome but the illness took its toll. She had endured 500 or more
surgeries during her lifetime. Unfortunately, over the 15 years of Jessicas life I have seen many terrible things.
Heart wrenching, soul searching things. I have seen accidents, intentional harm and victims of abuse at the hands
of loved ones. I have seen the best society has to offer and the lowest of the lowest. I wish this was the end of
my story; however, it isnt. With all my heart I want to say it all worked out, it did not. I wish I could say we all
became successful and I found love and lived happily ever after. The journey of life isnt a success only trip. In
order to appreciate the good parts, I had to learn the bad. Not just bad, the god-awful, awe-inspiring terrible stuff
that humans frequently do to one another. Why do some people face adversity and crumble while others seem to
pull from an inner strength?

Life was not the same. I knew that my child was in a better place but that cannot soothe the wounds of having
your heart ripped from your chest. I was hurt. I was angry. When I was 20 years old I did not fill out the form that
said Give me a few men that cheat and steal then leave you, a terminally ill child, two healthy children and no
family support. I could not move on with life. I did not know how. Life was happening around me but it escaped
me. I did not want to be a shell of my former self, I knew I had a duty to my living children to lead by example;
however, day after day, week after week, passed with me still in bed. A friend told me that he had never met
anyone who had faced such adversity and yet kept going. I thought, Yes, but everyone has a limit.
My shaggy guy and I eloped on 07/07/07. Two smart people talked for months beforehand about staying together
through the death of a child, custody issues, child support battles, my mother coming to live with us for six months
and a pregnant daughter. How bad could marriage be? A few days after returning from my wedding I was called
into my Neurologist office. The migraines were not caused by a tumor; however, I had severe damage in my spinal
cord caused by degenerative disk disease. I had a multi-level neck fusion that failed, the cadaver bone did not
fuse. I was in constant pain. The surgeon accused me of being an addict or the pain was all in my head. I lost my
job of almost 10 years, my degree hardly had dry ink was useless, my oldest daughter was pregnant out of
wedlock and my son was headed for trouble. I wanted to quit but there was still work to do.
Shaggy guy and I did not argue or fight. He did a great job of allowing me to grieve. I grieved the loss of my
daughter, the loss of my job, the loss of my first grandchild and the loss of my health. I felt betrayed by life. Shaggy
guy has a daughter with severe mental health issues and when she was 16 years old the mother lost custody in
another state. He had never raised this child, he was the weekend dad. The daughter hated me and for almost a
year worked every day to get her dad alone. I had rules to be followed, I demanded respect and I expected
consequences for her actions and words. Her father did not have the 365 days a year parenting background I had
and we clashed. He was what is now known as a free range parent, very low key and pretty unexcitable. Not my
parenting style at all.
After nearly a year on constant upheaval with my husbands daughter, I left my fifth marriage and moved into an
apartment. I loved his daughter but could not live in those conditions any longer. His child was treated one way
and my son had a different set of rules. Although I knew he had to choose his daughter, after all she had no one
else, I was very angry and hurt. I wanted him to stand up, set his foot down and discipline his child. He couldnt.
He did not know how and did not believe it would make a difference at 16 years old. I had an obligation to my
healthy son still at home. The chaos his daughter created affected my sons grades and when she started school
at the same High School my son started skipping classes. My son got into a few scrapes but at 18 joined the US
Army. It is his calling, something he is not only good at its something he is proud of. I worry about him more than
a little. He has deployed and will probably deploy again soon. Every day he puts his life at risk for the freedoms of
our country and that is something under appreciated. I see a soldier, in the store or restaurant, and thank them for
their service. The money isnt that great, the families suffer and frequently the soldier sustains injuries causing lifelong problems. None of that is in the brochure at the recruiters office.
My daughter placed her baby with a forever family. After a number of years with a scumbag, a good man found
her. Im proud to say she is about 15 months clean and sober. In August 2015 my oldest daughter and I signed up
for Salt Lake Community College together for our pre-Nursing degree. After all the time we spent in the medical
setting, what else would we do? I feel an obligation to take the lessons I learned and help others. I do not think

being in a medical setting will be easy. I face (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) PTSD with every hospital visit. I fell
badly spraining/straining my ankle the first day of class and refused medical care just to avoid the hospital setting.
I hope that I am able to reframe medical settings in my brain in the future, replacing the bad memories with
positive ones. I believe my experience as a patient or patients mother will help me become a great nurse.
We can choose to live differently than our past. I became single in my 40s for the first time ever. I was someones
mom or wife for my entire life. I have lived alone now for 6 years, although I have 3 furry babies. I was baffled at
first. I had never cooked for one person but with no spouse, son deployed and my oldest out of the house I had to
learn. I had never, ever had so few responsibilities. I love my life now. I was lonely, ached for companionship;
however, I have realized that over my life I choose companionship to avoid the silence. Isnt that the real enemy?
The silence that creeps into your brain, whispering insecurities. Those demons are conquered by Pandora. I truly
cannot imagine my life any other way now. I do what I want, when I want. I eat crackers in bed, dessert first and
Diet Coke for breakfast. Nobody to clean up after or cook for. Its a good life.
I am not proud of all of the choices I have made but I am proud of who I am. I am proud of my children and who
they have become. They are strong, resilient young people. I know firsthand how difficult life can be but I also
know how great it can be too. The bright blue sky and perfect temperature brings a smile to my face. Perhaps only
someone that has seen death up close, someone that has lost everything multiple times can really appreciate
something as mundane a blue sky.
This is a story of people that did not succumb, this is a story about a family that succeeds.