Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible. Pick a
bright color for your responses so they stand out from the questions. Make sure you offer
both positive and critical feedback.
Authors: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like to
discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)

Who proved that percanteg of lazy people?

How do you know people drive 5 miles for fast food?
Clarity
1. Point out any confusing words, sentences, or passages.
peope??
Pooped?
2. Were you able to follow the general direction of the essay easily or did it seem to
jump around? Explain.
Yes it was pretty clear and I get the point of the essay.
Persuasiveness
3. What types of evidence are included (research from appropriately scholarly text
sources and/or an interview with an expert)? He included big corporations and
studies .
4. Is this evidence persuasive? Does it teach you anything, the way The Overprotected
Kid taught us about the history of playgrounds and the effects of childhood
experiences on the adult psyche? If so, what?
It teaches that supplements arent healthy or sure on the long run.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details from their
observation to illuminate their ideas (to make their topic come alive). Point out places
where they could include additional imagery.
Racquet & Sports club Association (IHRSA). Industry revenue increased from 2010 by
5%, while memberships grew by 2.4%. After growing from 26,830 in 2009 to 29,890
in 2010.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create interest or is it too vague? Why?
The word lazy makes it boring.
7. Does the conclusion discuss the so what? factor? Does it show why this topic is
important to explore, what the writer learned about it, and why is it important for
others to learn about it?
Conclusion was not quite clear.
Most Successful Passage
8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
according to IBISWorlds Gym, Health & Fitness Clubs demand that health clubs will
continue to grow over the next five years
Structure

9. Does each body paragraph focus on a single point? Summarize, in a word or two, the
topic of each body paragraph.
The second is good but a little unorganized. But after all it can be understandable.
10. If the answer to #9 is no, which body paragraphs include multiple ideas that should
be broken up into multiple paragraphs?
Style
11. Is the language in the essay appropriately formal? Offer examples from the text to
illustrate.
Its easy to read.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.
Correct some grammar
Other
13. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is

important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.

English 0492

Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

10 Mar. 2014