The author of this essay is __Samantha Edmonds_____________________________________.

Peer Review of Essay #4

Title
1.

Does the title grab your interest? Does it suggest the essays content? If there is not a title yet, can you offer a
good suggestion? Yes it grabbed my attention. Yes it is very straightforward.

Introduction
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Is the introduction interesting? yes

Does the introduction effectively introduce the essays topic? yes
Highlight the claim/thesis statement.
Is the thesis the LAST SENTENCE in the introduction? yes
Does the thesis statement identify the topic and state a position? yes
Can you offer any suggestions for improving the introduction? The example provided caught my attention and
she did a good job. The changes are mostly in punctuation and grammar.

Body Paragraphs
1. Underline the topic sentence in each body paragraph.
2. To what extent does the analysis of the evidence convince you? Why? There is not much evidence to support
3.
4.

her point. It felt more like an informative and explanatory essay than making a case for her argument.
What points need further development? Why religion should not be taught in schools.
Are there points that the author did not consider but should in order to strengthen the argument? What are the
effects of teaching religion in schools, what has happened by excluding it? What are the statistics in regards to:

5.

opposed vs. for religion in schools?

What is the single piece of evidence that most convinces you that the author is correct? Unfortunately, I didnt

6.

find any evidence supporting her point.

Where in the essay are you least convinced by the authors argument or point? Why? The quotes used werent

7.

really evidence.
What words/phrases does the writer use to connect ideas/reasons? Also, besides, furthermore, in addition,
similarly, in other words, for example, for instance, although, but, despite the fact that, however, as a result,

8.

since, so, therefore, admittedly, consequently, yet, first, second, finally? For instance. However. Unfortunately.
Note any place that needs a transition or has an inappropriate or ineffective one.

Opposing Viewpoints
1.
2.
3.

Does the essay address at least two opposing viewpoints? No

Highlight the counterarguments. I didnt find any.
Does the author adequately refute each opposing viewpoint? None used.

Conclusion
1.

Does the conclusion provide closure and offer an interesting final insight that helps you to understand the
significance of the experience? How could the writer make it more effective? The conclusion restates her stance
and does provide closure. Once the whole essay is more developed, this conclusion can be expanded.

Overall
1.

Having read the rest of the draft, did you find that the introduction gave you a good idea of what the author
actually will address in the rest of the paper? If not, what is the main point that the author seems to be making?
The majority of the essay was explaining some of the religions. She does state that religion should not be in
school.

2.

Are there any points of the argument that don't seem to fit - where the author seems to go off on a tangent? Are
there any points that don't really seem relevant to the discussion at hand? It isnt really argumentative, it goes
into informing us on some of the most popular religions.

3.

What single change would make the most improvement in this essay? Gathering evidence to support the actual
argument of why it should not be in schools.

Use of Quotations and Summaries

Works Cited
1.
2.
3.

Underline ALL in-text citations.

Does the author follow every quotation, paraphrase, and summary with an in-text citation? no
Highlight each source used in the essay. Are these sources listed on the Works Cited page? Only one source

4.

cited.
Look at the first quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did the author
frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that introduces the author
and identifies the title, 2. The quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes meaning and relevance to the
authors topic?) No, the quotes used need to be framed properly.

5.

Look at each subsequent quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did
the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that introduces the
author and identifies the title, 2. The quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes meaning and relevance to the
authors topic?) The quotes are about religion but not on her view on the matter as evidence.

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, highlight it. no

2.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase to
determine if it is necessary.

3.

MLA Guidelines
Heading yes
Page numbers in upper right-hand corner no

Indent block quotes 1 yes

Works Cited page included but needs to meet the 5-7 source requirement.

4. How near to completion is this draft? Still needs work. It needs to be restructured as an argumentative essay and
still needs supporting evidence.