A SLICE OF VICE: MORE STIFFS AND FEWER STARS

Miami Herald, The (FL) - May 11, 1987

Author/Byline: CARL HIAASEN Herald Columnist

Edition: FINAL
Section: LOCAL
Page: 1B
Readability: 6-7 grade level (Lexile: 990)
It's time again for the annual Miami Vice Body Count.
Judging by the ratings, I might be one of the few persons in the country to loyally watch all 24 episodes this season. However, as was true
last year, I admit to taping some of these shows and relying desperately on the fast-forward button to view them.
By my calculations, exactly 150 persons died by murder or other means in the crime-fashion drama. This works out to 6.25 dead bodies
per episode, compared with 5.7 per episode last season. The increase in per-episode snuffs comes in spite of the massive budget-cutting
ordered by the show's producers.
However, detectives Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs got to shoot significantly fewer bad guys this season. In the 21 shows monitored
during 1985-86, Sonny plugged 32.5 sleazeballs. This year Sonny's kill rate dropped 28 percent as he racked up only 23.8 bodies. (The
fractions represent bad guys shot by more than one officer. For instance, in the Nov. 21 episode, Sonny, Rico and Gina simultaneously
blasted a crooked lawyer and were thus awarded .333 of a killing apiece).
This season Tubbs became a veritable peacenik, fatally shooting only 7.83 bad guys -- a drop of nearly 50 percent. Next year they might
as well just take away his gun.
Some of the other ways that bad guys croaked:
Ate cyanide pellet.
Hit by speeding car.
Hit in head by jai-alai pelota.
Blown up in limo.
Blown up with rocket-propelled grenade.
Stabbed by short-tempered pimp.
Garroted by Communist agent.
Back in the fall I resolved to keep track of two additional categories -- the number of car chases, and the number of times Crockett called
somebody "pal" -- but midway through the season I simply lost count.
Apparently cost-cutting also affected the selection of Vice guest stars. The producers must have blown the whole budget on Willie Nelson.
One strange episode featured a barely dressed person named Vanity, who was eventually strangled by Capt. Lou Albano, a professional
wrestler.
John Matuszak, an ex-football player, appeared as a ferocious motorcycle gangster. He was shot, though not soon enough for his acting
coach.
Don Johnson's ex-wife popped up in one show along with the fellow who used to be Mr. Sulu on Star Trek. Many viewers are still puzzling
over this eerie connection.
And of course G. Gordon Liddy made an encore appearance as an evil weapons dealer who carries around a string of severed human
ears. I do not know whether or not these artifacts came
from Mr. Liddy's personal collection.
Crockett's hapless love life became a recurring theme in this year's Vice. One of his girlfriends turned out to be a junkie, another was a
madam, and still another was a personal- injury lawyer. The poor sap would do much better cruising Biscayne Baby on a Friday night.

The best scene of the season was Detective Switek's impersonation of an Elvis impersonator. The silliest was Crockett showing up for a
South Beach drug raid at 5:15 a.m., wearing sunglasses. No wonder he gets weird dates.
The show has been taking lots of flak about comic-book dialogue, so this year I made note of some favorite lines:
"Don't let it spoil our vacation." (Rico's girlfriend, upon learning that a planeload of Colombian drug assassins had arrived at their
Caribbean love nest).
"Say, Reb, how many more of these dudes we gonna ace?" (An outlaw biker, inquiring of a homicidal companion as to when they can go
back to beer-drinking for a hobby).
"Jazz clubs are one of the passions he and I shared. Your mother was the other." (An East German spy, explaining . . . oh, never mind.
This one you had to see -- at regular speed).
Record: 8702050378
Copyright: Copyright (c) 1987 The Miami Herald