The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

The Way of Life

Connecting Your Child to Christ through Biblical Discipline

My son, observe the commandment of your father

And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;
Bind them continually on your heart;
Tie them around your neck.
When you walk about, they will guide you;
When you sleep, they will watch over you;
And when you awake, they will talk to you.
For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;
And reproofs for discipline are the way of life
(Proverbs 6:20-23)

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart

and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
(1 Timothy 1:5)

Preface

About the speaker

Discipline is not synonymous with spanking
o Discipline is leadership
o Spanking is punishment
Do not insert your mother or father as the example of discipline
o You may have frankly had a horrible parent and you will only be looking at a
SINFUL example of a parent
o Look towards Gods example of being a Heavenly Father
Stick with me through the background material its what gives us our true authority as
parents and it will challenge you!

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

In The Beginning
God created a perfect world
He designed the family as part of it
Genesis 1:27-31
(27) God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and
female He created them.
(28) God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth,
and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every
living thing that moves on the earth."
(29) Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the
surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for
you;
(30) and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that
moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food"; and it was so.
(31) God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening
and there was morning, the sixth day.

There was no sin but there was a roadmap for The Way of Life
(1) DRAW ROADSIGN THAT SAYS WAY OF LIFE
God always points us to that which makes us in a right relationship with Him, because He is life.
His holiness cannot associate with that which in contrary to His nature (sin). That which is
separated from Him is death. When we are removed from the source of life (God) we are only
left with death spiritual, physical, relational, intellectual, sociological, etc.

We often mistakenly think of God as a grumpy nasty neighbor that keeps telling us to get off of
his property. But scripture shows us that God is a good and loving Heavenly Father who desires
us to be in a right relationship with Him so we may have LIFE.

When I was a child I used to get to ride in my grandfathers car. He always had nice cars, they
were big, shiny, clean pieces of machinery that were meticulously maintained and treated with
respect. Whenever I would ride with my grandfather he would have me sit directly behind his
driver seat. With an almost programmatic regularity when we would get to the bottom of the hill
in their neighborhood, he would ask me to reach into the pocket behind the drivers seat. Without
fail, there would be candy in that pocket. Usually they were Worthers Original Toffy or Brachs
Butterscotch Hard Candy.
2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

I never got to eat those candies anywhere else only with my grandfather. The smell, the taste,
and even the sound of the wrapper are all associated with my grandfather to this day. Somehow
I thought that He had a secret stash of candy that I was getting special access to. I assumed that
this privilege was solely for me, and the love that I associated with my grandfather and that candy
was deeply life-giving to me.
As a child I assumed the candy was always there, and grandpa was giving me access to some
secret stash. What I now know as an adult though is that he specifically put that candy there
and told me to reach into the seat pocket because he loved me and wanted me to know his love
and experience a life-giving encounter with him.

This is exactly what our Heavenly Father does for us. He specifically gives us Life Giving
commandments so we can know His love, encounter His character, and experience a life-giving
relationship with Him.
(2) DRAW A HAND AND WRITE GOD IS LIFE GIVING

Genesis 2:16-17
(16) The LORD God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat
freely;
(17) but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that
you eat from it you will surely die."

First God gives the life giving provision and then He gives the caution of what will happen if we
reject His holiness there will be death.
Everything Adam and Eve needed to experience life, a wonderful life was provided to them by
God.
But then something changed
Through the influence of Satan Adam and Eve accepted the twisted idea that somehow Gods
ways did not lead to LIFE but to a sub-standard existence that could become truly fulfilling if they
JUST DID THIS ONE THING!
Satan presented the lie that there was a way, a truth, and life to be found somewhere else other
than God. Do we think it is coincidental that Jesus clearly destroys any chance for
misinterpretation when He says in John 14:6:
John 14:6

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

(6) Jesus *said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father
but through Me.
So our first parents, Adam and Eve buy into the lie that LIFE is found in any other source other
than God and all of creation becomes corrupted with the result DEATH and DECAY.
Because humanity was living in complete opposition and rebellion to God which is contrary to
His holiness Gods direct presence and relationship was removed from the relationship with
humanity. As a result of the source of LIFE no longer capable to be directly present in creation
there was now the slow destruction of moving from life to death that results from being removed
from Gods direct presence.
(3) WRITE SIN = LIFE AND CROSS OUT THE WORD LIFE
Think about it when we are born the clock starts to tick to the day that we die. Instead of the
eternal existence that we were originally given by God before sin entered the world, we enter
into a physical state that is merely a transition to physical death.
When we are separated from our bodies and enter into the purely spiritual state of existence we
continue our separation from God in a place of total absence from His life giving presence. That
is what Hell is a place of conscience torment where we have the final and total separation from
Gods life giving presence.
Notice how I have said final and total? That is key!
God because He IS a good and loving Heavenly Father has continued to stay involved in
humanity even though His direct presence is not with us for a direct relationship.
How many of you know someone who met someone famous? [show of hands ask questions]
[Ashly Beasley & Matthew McConaughey]

When you know someone who knows someone that person is a mediator for you. They can
not only tell you about that person, but could (generally speaking) introduce you to that person.
They might even be able to take you to that persons home, send them a message on your behalf,
etc. They go-between you and the famous person that you may not otherwise have access to.
God in His love for us began a multi-thousand year process of re-introducing humanity to His
character by giving us what scripture refers to as The Law and the Prophets. These were Gods
specific and detailed commands for how to live, as well as His calls to return to Him by living as
His people. ALL of the Law and the Prophets were there to point people to LIFE that could only
be found in HIM!

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

Every time the Law was given and a Command issued it had to be done through a mediator. A
specially selected person that God had chosen to be a go-between from Him to the rest of
humanity.
If a person was able to perfectly follow the Law, or if they would substitute the sacrifice of animals
as a payment for their sins - they would be able to be reconciled to God.
Gods desire and His intention in providing rules was to guide humanity back to LIFE found in
Him.
There were rules about what you could eat, and rules about what kind of fabric you could use in
a temple for worshipping God. There were rules about the way you could cut your hair, and there
were rules about how to treat animals. There were rules about how to run your family finances,
and rules about how to structure a legal system for a nation.
There were lots, and lots of rules. Each one of them was designed to point humanity back to the
giver of LIFE.
(4) DRAW 10 COMMANDMENT STONE TABLETS AND WRITE GIVE ON ONE AND LIFE ON
THE OTHER
The problem was, is that humanity in our sinful state is WAY better at failing to obey Gods
commands and finding death than we are at living them out and gaining life.
We also have a tendency to assume that any rule exists from God to push us away from Him
instead of draw us towards Him. Totally the opposite of what our Good and Loving Heavenly
Father intended.
So Gods Master Plan for brining humanity true LIFE and becoming reconciled to Him once and
for all came into effect.
He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to live the perfectly obedient life, to serve as the one and final
sacrifice for sin and to act as the mediator between sinful humanity and a Perfect & Holy God.
Through Jesus. We would find the WAY to God, the TRUTH about God, and the LIFE given only
through a relationship WITH God. This happened because of Jesuss death on the cross which
acted as payment for our sin, and His rising again from death.
It is because of the conquering of sin and death and the fact that we have a LIVING Savior that
we can now have an Eternal Life of living reconciled to God.
That idea right there, is known as The Gospel.
(5) DRAW A CROSS AND WRITE BECAUSE OF JESUS

Gods Perspective of Parenting

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

What does any of this have to do with parenting? EVERYTHING!

Watch what God instructs his people to do as parents in the Old Testament (before Jesus):
Deuteronomy 6:3-9
(3) "O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you
may multiply greatly, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land
flowing with milk and honey.
(4) "Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!
(5) "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
might.
(6) "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
(7) "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
(8) "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
(9) "You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

God wanted the letter of His law to be constantly shared by parents to their children so that
the children would ask what the purpose of the law was:
Deuteronomy 6:20-25
(20) "When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What do the testimonies and the statutes
and the judgments mean which the LORD our God commanded you?'
(21) then you shall say to your son, 'We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the LORD brought
us from Egypt with a mighty hand.
(22) 'Moreover, the LORD showed great and distressing signs and wonders before our eyes
against Egypt, Pharaoh and all his household;
(23) He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He had sworn
to our fathers.'
(24) "So the LORD commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God for our
good always and for our survival, as it is today.
(25) "It will be righteousness for us if we are careful to observe all this commandment before
the LORD our God, just as He commanded us.
Because parents were to be Gods MESSENGERS OF LIFE to their children.
Notice how none of what Gods desired response by parents was to be included anything about
the point of the law being about following rules or being good people it was about God
being the Almighty, Powerful God how brought them from the bondage and death of Egypt to
FREEDOM AND LIFE and the instruction was about a right relationship with God and how it was
for their good and survival as a people!
2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

Now watch what God writes through the Apostle Paul regarding the difference between the
letter of the law prior to Jesus and the new Freedom and Life we have in Jesus:
2 Corinthians 3:3-6
(3) being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with
the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
(4) Such confidence we have through Christ toward God.
(5) Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but
our adequacy is from God,
(6) who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit;
for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
There it is again! Giving LIFE!

If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ to take away your sins through His death on the cross,
and you confess and trust that God raised Him from the dead in order to give you NEW and
ETERNAL LIFE
Then you are entrusted as a parent as a Giver of Life in the instruction and growth of your kids.
Your job is NOT to keep them under the strangling weight of rules and law but to point your
child to the source of LIFE God, through our Savior, Jesus Christ.

So lets get practical about this how to we deal with this idea of being Givers of Life who point
our children to God through Jesus Christ, when you have a 2 year old with temper tantrums, an
8 year old with a lying problem, or a teenager who is being rebellious?

What is Obedience?
I probably dont have to cover the basic rules God gives for humanity like, murder is wrong, lying
is wrong, etc.
You know exactly WHAT you want your children to do but you came here to find out HOW you
get them to do it.
After 20 years in childrens ministry and community programming with around 2000 children I
have had a Pastoral or Leadership relationship with, 6 years as a dad of 2 boys, a total of about
12 years of helping to raise 5 siblings or sibling-in-laws including teenagers, and about a halfdozen kids whom we have been in-home caregivers for here is what I have learned:

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

Short of putting a child in a cage or using a canine shock collar you cannot MAKE a child do
anything. Because even the evil people who use those methods are just removing freedom, and
using coercion and violence.
Your role as a parent is to guide your children towards life through Jesus Christ. The rest is just
details.
So hear me in this All parenting is inherently spiritual in nature.
When you interact with your children you are dealing with:

A human being created by God

A person created with purpose and value
A child born into sin
A kid who needs to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ
A future adult who has to be shown the Way of Life or their default path will be the
Road of Death, which is spiritual and physical

So here is a question what is obedience? According to the language that Scripture uses it has
four components:
To Hear, To Understand, To Agree, and To Carry Out
Ears, Brain, Heart, Feet
DRAW A PICTURE OF EARS, BRAIN, HEART, FEET

Here is how we walk through the process of obedience:

o Did they hear what was said?

Scripture: Thus says the Lord
If yes you can discuss it with them
If no you have to re-instruct
o Announcement
o Did they comprehend what was asked?

Scripture:
Have
you
not
heard?
You have heard it said
If yes you can determine their understanding
If no you have to re-explain
o Coaching
o Has their heart agreed that it is the right thing to do?

1 Samuel 15:22-23 Samuel said, "Has the LORD as much delight in burnt
offerings and sacrifices As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to
obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. (23) "For
rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and

2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has also
rejected you from being king."
If yes You can discern their heart attitude
If no You can re-orient them with correction from Scripture
o Correction
o Have they taken action and done what was asked?

Scripture: Because you have I have to
If yes You can delight in their obedience
If no You can re-visit steps 1-3 or re-sort to issuing punishment
o Consequence

Common Challenges for Christian Parents Regarding Discipline

Failing to recognize that the real issue is sin = rebellion against Gods Holiness and His
Perfect Standards
Failing to understand where your Child is spiritually
o Children who do not have a saving faith in Jesus Christ are not indwelt by the Holy
Spirit

It is the Holy Spirit who transforms us into the likeness of Jesus Christ

Redeemed people do redeemed things; Unredeemed people do
unredeemed things
Failing to remember that your role is to bring life
o If you only have rules and law you only manage behavior
o If you train them to become seekers of a life-giving relationship with God through
Jesus Christ you are leading them to become healthy life givers themselves
Not confident that you have been given the authority to lead your children through
discipline
In the process of discipline you cannot sin yourself
o We lose our spiritual authority in the moment when we sin (scream, swear, hit,
break stuff, storm off, etc.)
o Confusing sinful anger with discipline
Not making the punishment match the disobedience
o Giving away the family dog because a child forgot to take out the trash

Destructive punishment = taking away life; Not life giving leadership;
Shows that parental authority is there to harm, not give life
Likely to produce rebellion and disconnect later in life associates
God with destruction and judgement only; Not as the Giver of Life
o Taking away an allowance from a 2 year old (what 2 year old cares about money?)
2016 Justin W. Burns

jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

o
o

o
o

Defective punishment = does not guide or push towards life by revealing a

need for Christ; Shows that parental authority is foolish and disconnected
has no clue how to give life
Likely to produce surface (not heart) compliance and the need to
look elsewhere for leadership/direction including in unhealthy
places
Child did not clean room work through the process of Ears, Brain, Heart, Feet

Is this a laziness issue (Feet), a rebellion issue (Heart); A comprehension
issue (Brain); A listening issue (Ears)?

How does this impact child/parent/family?
Did it delay family fun night?
o Skip dessert during fund night
Did it prevent bedtime?
o Go to bed early tomorrow
Did laundry get missed?
o Have to do your siblings laundry
o Loose technology time in order to make up laundry
schedule
Be realistic = they are not your robot workers; you cannot expect an adult level of
performance, stamina, attention to detail, etc.
Make sure they understand why something needs done if you dont know why,
then how can you expect a good heart attitude and a walking out of the expected
behavior!?!

We keep the kitchen clean to honor God with our household work and
make sure we dont get Roaches and Mice.
Each kid is different the process of Ears, Brain, Heart, and Feet is going to be
different with every kid
You will get frustrated with some of your kids, and one parent may have more
patience with one kid or another at different times be a team!

Being a Life Giving Parent During Discipline

You are training a future adult! This is not about socks on the floor this is about building
life into your child so they will follow-after Christ and live as a healthy, life-filled adult
This is not about you and your child this is about your Childs relationship with God
through Jesus Christ.

2016 Justin W. Burns

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The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

o Discipline is the best time to present and remind of the Gospel. Because when we
are confronted with our own sin is when we most understand we need a Savior!
Use Gods life-giving Word (The Bible) as part of your correction. CHALLENGE you have
to be in it to use it!
o Teach them where God speaks about a behavior and show them this is GODS
STANDARD not your opinion
o Tell them a Bible Narrative, of someone who struggled with the same issue, and
either the good or bad outcomes from where their heart was in relation to
following after God
Goal = Spiritual transformation not worldly perfection
o If you have a clean bedroom and a dark and evil life have your parents really
done a great job of connecting you with Christ and building life giving truth into
your heart?

Some serial killers also have borderline OCD, and they left very organized
and tidy murder scenes was that the only goal of their parents?
o Make the goal to equip them to make the life giving decisions themselves

Ask you teenage kid: Why would staying up all night watching satanic
horror films (which is a category on Netflix) be unhealthy if the goal is to
be connected to Christ in a life giving way?
Ask your teenage kid: What could you do instead for an all-nighter
if you want to have fun like that? What would honor God, keep you
connected to Christ, and be life-giving?
o Plan an all-night bowling night with friends & mom and dad
as chaperones, etc.
o Invite a friend that does not know about Christ spend time
with them.

Ask your Kindergartener: Why would it be a bad idea to watch cartoons (or
insert your activity of choice here) all day on Daddys day off and not spend
time as a family?
Ask your Kindergartener: What would be a way we could help to be
life giving to each other as a family and enjoy a show?
o Moderation, talk about the show during a Family Talk
Devotion, etc.

2016 Justin W. Burns

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jburns@fbctulsa.org

The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

Scriptures to Help
Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) HONOR YOUR
FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), (3) SO THAT IT MAY
BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Psalms 133:1 A Song of Ascents, of David. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For
brothers to dwell together in unity!
Philippians 2:12-16 So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my
presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and
trembling; (13) for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good
pleasure. (14) Do all things without grumbling or disputing; (15) so that you will prove
yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a
crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, (16) holding
fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run
in vain nor toil in vain.
1 Peter 3:8-9 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and
humble in spirit; (9) not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead;
for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

(Psalms 23:4) Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for
You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
(Proverbs 10:13) On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found, But a rod is for the back
of him who lacks understanding.
(Proverbs 13:24) He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him
disciplines him diligently.
(Proverbs 14:3) In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, But the lips of the wise
will protect them.
(Proverbs 22:15) Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline
will remove it far from him.
(Proverbs 23:13) Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him
with the rod, he will not die.
(Proverbs 23:14) You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.
2016 Justin W. Burns

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The Way of Life Connecting Your Child to Christ Through Biblical Discipline

(Proverbs 26:3) A whip is for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the back
of fools.
(Proverbs 29:15) The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way
brings shame to his mother.
(1 Corinthians 4:21) What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a
spirit of gentleness?
Proverbs 3:11-12 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His reproof, (12)
For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
Proverbs 3:1-8 My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments;
(2) For length of days and years of life And peace they will add to you. (3) Do not let kindness
and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. (4)
So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. (5) Trust in the LORD with
all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. (6) In all your ways acknowledge
Him, And He will make your paths straight. (7) Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD
and turn away from evil. (8) It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.
Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to
the Lord.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. (2) For men will
be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents,
ungrateful, unholy, (3) unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal,
haters of good, (4) treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God, (5) holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men
as these.

2016 Justin W. Burns

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