Layng 1

Stephen Layng
Mrs. Moyer
AP Language & Composition
3 February 2016
Word Count: 1,610
The Soil in Which Successful Children Grow
Success has limits. It is only possible to achieve success when internal desires match
external actions. Success can be defined in many ways, but it always begins with a pure mind. A
common misconception is the fact that intentions and desires can somehow generate success
on their own. However, it is not that simple. Success is not a product of intentions, but rather a
byproduct of two cultivated behaviors: self-control and resilience. These behaviors and traits
must be nurtured, throughout development, by keeping the mind pure and focusing on the
internal rather than external rewards. This is confirmed in one of Jesus sermons when He
commanded that first the inside of the cup and dish [must be clean], and then the outside also
will be clean (New International Version, Matt. 23:25-26).
When discussing successes and failures, the terms that will, without doubt, arise are selfcontrol and resilience. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, self-control is defined as
restraint [that is] exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires, (Self-control) and
resilience is defined as the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune, [adversity], or
change (Resilience). Children, as opposed to adults and older teenagers, are more likely to
face adversity head on because they have no reason to believe they cannot accomplish what they
put their minds to. Sadly, as soon as [they] become able to evaluate themselves, some of them
become afraid of challenges (Dweck, 37). Thoughts of doubt enter their minds and, if they even

Layng 2
attempt complex and strenuous tasks, they are too weak to finish what they began. They think
that if they cannot achieve what is normal and expected, they should not even try. At their core,
children are afraid of failure. They have been taught to desire, and strive after, only externally
rewarding pursuits. While external rewards are pleasing, the internal rewards are far more
fulfilling.
When parents teach their children that external rewards, such as good grades, are
essential, their children will make these external and materialistic rewards their main focus.
However, with these motives, children will only give what it takes not to fail rather than what it
takes to succeed. This will negatively affect their lives in the future and they will stop at nothing
to achieve these outwardly gratifying goals. The way that we handle or care for [children] can
affect their sense of justice and other moral standards (Suttie).
In a survey, consisting of thousands of children and their parents over a thirty-eight-year
period, the most important factor in physical and mental development was self-control (Saks).
Dr. Leonard Saks, an expert in adolescent issues, interviewed a woman by the name of Marlow
Philips, who spoke about her childhood and the lessons she learned from her parents. As a child,
she was continually angry with her parents for not allowing her to go to R rated movies, be
alone with a boy, or go on a date with a boy until her parents had interviewed him (Saks). She
said to them, Dad and Mom, I am the only person who, after high school, will need therapy for
all of the restrictions you have placed upon me (Saks). However, she came to a realization when
she began living on the university campus, that her parents didactic instructions were her only
support. This realization became the watershed in her mental life. She later countered her initial
perspective by saying that her parents actually gave her a sense of right and wrong and the other

Layng 3
students were unable to distinguish between the two (Saks). Her parents were teaching her to
cultivate self-control from a very young age.
Anyone can demonstrate self-control in one or two situations. However, it is essential to
not only momentarily exemplify them, but to persistently demonstrate them in every
circumstance. An assessment regarding external and internal rewards was given in a university
lab that measured the students self-control and resilience. Half of the subjects in this test were
shown chocolate chip cookies, but only offered radishes before they began an intellectually
stimulating course. The others were shown radishes, but only offered chocolate chip cookies. The
people who were able to demonstrate self-control, and resist the chocolate chip cookies, lacked
resilience and gave up in only eight minutes, when they started the intellectual portion of the
test. They possessed self-control, but lacked resilience. From this assessment, it is clear that
neither of these traits can flourish unaccompanied by the other. These people had successfully
resisted the temptation of the cookies and the chocolates, but the effort left them with less energy
to tackle the puzzles (Baumeister and Tierney, 23). This is a major problem. People think that
when they show self-control in one circumstance, they are well disciplined. However, only with
the ability to consistently show good judgment is one disciplined. In the same way, when people
show resilience during one trial of their life, this one action does not qualify them as resilient
people. It is not until they persistently exemplify resilience in all circumstances that they are
resilient people.
According to the American Psychological Association, three main mental processes are
required for maintaining self-control: maintaining supervision of your actions, upholding
standards in your life, and remaining mentally firm through all circumstances. (DeWall). These
all require maintenance. Cultivating self-control is a process that must be continued and

Layng 4
improved from childhood through adulthood. This constant cultivation of self-control is what
produces resilience. Self-control and resilience are directly related. Each one benefits the other
and neither of them can exist without the presence of the other.
Every person has their own background of experiences; some are more difficult than
others. However, self-control will contribute to their success more than their smarts or family
background (DeWall). A family may be wealthy and noble, but this prosperous environment
does not, in itself, guarantee success. Success is the result of individual responsibility and an
internal locus of control of the mind. People, with an internal locus of control, view events as
resulting from their own actions (Wise). As students, [and any individuals], engage in deeper
learning experiences another likely outcome is the development of an efficacious sense of self,
a valuing of education, and a positive disposition toward further learning (Farrington, 3-4). In
this sense, the inception of mental success begins with the desire to pursue excellence with
persistent ferocity.
In addition to mental success, self-control and resilience generate an atmosphere for
academic success. The people who lack these qualities are becoming more afraid of appearing
ignorant and inexperienced, so they choose not to attempt difficult, but rewarding tasks in their
lives. They cover their ignorance with artificial success and the pursuit of the easiest and
seemingly rewarding goals: good grades and a strong family background. From their perspective,
smarts and family background contribute more to success than self-control. They sacrifice real
learning for good grades. However, these accomplishments can be achieved anywhere. Thus,
achieving an A over a C is less important than cultivating self-control and resilience. Selfcontrol and resilience provide confidence in people that is unable to exist in those who conceal
their inner motives of pursuing the external rewards. Political theorist, Benjamin Barber, said I

Layng 5
don't divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who
make it or those who don't. I divide the world into learners and non-learners. The mindset of the
self-controlled and resilient is the mindset of a learner. On the other hand, the mindset of
someone who desires merely to appear successful is the mindset of a non-learner. It is as
though these people are making the cup only look clean on the outside, but not spending the
time to clean the entire cup.
The non-learners create a faade with their good grades, but have gained nothing
substantial from their efforts. The learners, however, have a true understanding of success.
Furthermore, when they receive an A on a test, it is simply a personal achievement that
coincides with their character. They have spent years of their lives cultivating their character and
building self-control and resilience. This, in turn, provides the means for achieving academic
greatness. In the same way that a square is always a rhombus, but a rhombus is not always a
square, a learner can always get good grades, but those who get good grades are not always
learners. There is a difference between being successful and having success. Success is
defined, not merely by ability, but by action and character that coincides with ability.
Success is the result of cultivating self-control and resilience. Although it is not an easy
milestone to achieve, success can be assured. Since success is the byproduct of self-control and
resilience, it is essential to understand and begin cultivating both of these components. Success is
an individual accomplishment because both self-control and resilience are individual traits and
behaviors that must be developed on a personal basis. Self-control and resilience are selfinduced, meaning they are every persons own responsibility. While they both require consistent
thought and upkeep, they will produce true success and a sense of right and wrong. True success
is an understanding of right and wrong combined with a desire to pursue greatness with tenacity

Layng 6
and integrity. More importantly than solely having monetary success, truly successful people
cultivate a love for learning. People that understand and pursue this success may never reach a
level of monetary affluence, but they will embrace internal and mental success, which is true
success. Success is not merely an external entity. Rather, success begins with the inside of the
heart and, from there, it radiates into the mind and soul.

Layng 7
Works Cited
Baumeister, Roy F., and John Tierney. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human
Strength. New York: Penguin, 2011. Print.
DeWall, Nathan, Ph.D. "Self-Control." American Psychological Association. Nathan DeWall,
Ph.D, Dec. 2014. Web. 22 Jan. 2016.
Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House, 2006.
Print.
Farrington, Camille A. "Academic Mindsets as a Critical Component of Deeper Learning."
(2013): 3-4. University of Chicago, Apr. 2013. Web. 25 Jan. 2016.
Holy Bible: New International Version. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Pub. House, 2001.
Print.
"Resilience." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2011. Web. 25 Jan 2016.
Saks, Dr. Leonard, MD. Ph.D. "Adulescent Issues." Family Talk. Colorado Springs, Colorado,
28 Oct. 2015. Radio.
"Self-control." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2011.Web. 25 Jan. 2016.
Suttie, Jill. "How Parents Influence Early Moral Development." Greater Good. Berkeley
University, 29 Sept. 2015. Web. 23 Jan. 2016.
Wise, Michael. "Locus of Control in Our Daily Lives." Pysbersite. Miami University, 11 Mar.
2014. Web. 25 Jan. 2016.