Eric Gabriel Barragan

The Boy Who Was Troubled

English 10, Period A3

Dear Reader,
I chose myself for the topic because I feel that people see merely
half what I am. Inside I am not so confident, happy, and amazing
as I might seem to be. In no way bragging, I have never really
been put down for how I act, because generally most people
seem to enjoy me in almost every way. But they dont see
everything. So for you to read this, is a chance to look into my
mind, and my experience. To see that even amazing, have-itmade people have issues as well. Most people assume I am
happy and content all the time because I play high school sports,
get good grades, and have many friends. But now is your
opportunity to no longer just assume, but to learn. Some stuff is
pretty typical of a teenager, actually most of it is. And that is kind
of the point, to portray that I have problems just like you. I will tell
people that I have issues and they will look at me with a
disbelieving face that says Sure you do. The answer is yes, I do
have confidence issues, I do have problems mentally, and I dont
really project that outside of my very personal social circle. My
goal is just to be understood a little bit more, and to get a little
out of my comfort zone and write what I think of myself in a
sense. Enjoy.

Sincerely,

Eric Barragan

Introducing the Boy

He was 15. Born August 18th, 1998. Younger than almost everyone in his
schooling. Significant, but insignificant information aside, this boy was a troubled boy.
As a lover of basketball he always strived to become better, practiced often, never gave
up no matter what people said. But again, he was a troubled boy. He could never focus,
not an ADD victim or victim to ADHD or hyperactive, but could simply not focus. His
mind always caused him grief. Even amidst his ball playing, he would think of his
mother who is crazy, but nevertheless extremely kind hearted and loved by her second
son, setting aside that she left him at a young age. Then the boy would think of the
current girl he liked. Would think of her light brown skin, her smile, her large curly hair,
her laugh, but also the insignificance he had in her life. For hours he would think of
basketball, his mother, and the pair of beautiful eyes he always wanted to see. He was a
troubled boy. His mind racing constantly, analyzing everything, and thinking too much,
the hurricane of thoughts never stopped, but the people he cared for most, the things
that he loved would put him at ease. With a God-given gift of a beautiful mind, he could
learn quickly, adapt efficiently, and was sensitive to others emotions. But it was his
weakness. Sometimes he didnt want to believe what he would learn, or he didnt want
to adapt, or he just wanted to control his own emotions without being influenced easily
by others. He was a troubled boy. This boys name wasnt special, or in depth. Many
stories could explain his name, but simply his name was Eric. But his story and spirit is
interconnected with those around him. He had a kind of collective heart. He never
learned how to deal with himself, he never learned how to be entirely self-reliant. Even
with the repetitive constructive criticism, compliments, and social support he was given.
He wouldnt let himself ascend to high levels. He was grateful for his body, his mind.
But he hated it too.

When I was a little boy they would call me fantasy man

An idea in this hand, an idea in that hand

My mind moving faster than the blades of a fan
When I was younger
I would constantly cry
Missin my Mami
Thinkin that she would leave me to die
When I got older,
I started to consistently dream
Hoping someone would eventually, come back for me
But that dream is over
My small family unceasingly worrying and fighting
Always between each other
Maybe one day well be free from our sorrows
And act like brothers
Because one day, we will all die and go home
Unfortunately die troubled
I had a homie, a brother named Jimmy
Little boy Jimmy so silly would come over and ask me
Hey E, wassup man how are you feeling?
I replied Jimmy oh man, how do I tell thee,
its just not that easy,
but I am glad you took the time to see me
Years later I asked him Hey Jimmy how you feeling?
He didnt reply,
he was too busy stealing, and lying, with too many hours on that fat blunt looking weezy
My Mami always told me
Never fall into the drug hole
Because one day, youll go home
Forever lost, youll feel alone
Destroy you, from body to soul
Mami always said drugs mess with your head,
And to never do them for the pain is unbearable
They confess the one and only rotten bread
It shouldnt be a way to help your head,
But if you do, the living bread, Jesus, will see you as forgivable
She told me drugs never cured a troubled mind
And that all the time the ones we love
Will always be blessings, so dear and kind
Yes I am a troubled boy,
So troubled now,
and troubled then
I doubled my workload,
doubled it all,
ended up tripping,
fumbling like a football
but never will I take a drug
from a boy, or girl, or fake thug

even if it meant bleeding or balling

or getting abused, or getting mugged
My heart was always in people like my mom
With futures as bright as a burning city
But by putting faith in others
It was like tying lace for brothers
and leaving my shoes still left untied
I worry about other laces,
how easily they unwind
My mind consistently wandering,
I believe I have a strong mind
My thoughts are always pondering
But I think of the laces,
and how easily they unwind
Mamis lesson taught me several things
the power of forgiveness,
and what it brings
that negative ideas
will leave you with no wings
they called me fantasy man
the name I caught
she taught that drugs took over
all of ones thoughts

Come on! Eric said as he slammed his bedroom door. Why do I

choke? he asked himself. Questions like these he asked almost
every day. Unfortunately, he still never seemed to find a
satisfactory answer. As he later declared several more negative
things about himself, not only did he become upset with his
performance at a basketball game, his doubts about everything
would start to swell. Swell like a tick, frantically drinking blood of
its host. Who would appreciate someone with no talent? Who
would like someone with no success, someone who fails?
Foolishly convinced he was not good at anything because he did
poorly at one thing, the boy decided to run. Not away from home,
but anywhere. He would run, step after step, pace after pace,
arms swinging, never slowing down, until he could run no longer.
Begging an unknown being for breath, Erics irrational emotions
would start to cease, and then rational inquiry about himself
would begin. Maybe Lorena was proud of him, maybe thought
great of him. Lorena was the girl who roamed the valleys of his
mind. Why am I like this? quick to vary from one emotion to
another the boy pitied himself, disliking his mental flaws. He
realized he choked because he became nervous in the situation of
real pressure. He was afraid to fail. Being safe in a state of no
progression, was more appealing than taking risks. Without risks,
I cant become better. He whispered to himself. Analyzing his
other flaws depression and the bipolar disorder came to his mind.
The two were significantly evident in his family, he worried one
day they would be evident in him. With experience of family being
victims to these disorders he knew the reality of the results. He
knew depression didnt show itself through attention-seeking
tweets, compliment fishing, and two-faced actions. He knew
depression consumed the very soul, cast the host out of its place,
and degraded the mind. Never feeling this way himself, he never
wanted to. Eric didnt know if it was inevitable for him, thinking
more and more he realized he was standing outside in the middle
of a field. Having been lost in thought for a time, having regained

enough energy to return home, he said to himself looking at the

sky I am a troubled person arent I?

Two in One
Reflection: You can be real pathetic you know that?
Me: Why dont you shut up?
Reflection: There would be no conversation if I stopped talking.
Me: This is why I hate you.
Reflection: You mean yourself, right?
Me: Bite me.
Reflection: I am only cannibalistic towards others.
Me: Youre a smarta
Reflection: Im a what? You dont swear in public, why do it here?
Me: For real. I sometimes really do hate you.
Reflection: Again with the stupidity, I am you! The only one holding you down
is yourself. Havent you seen all those inspiring pictures on the internet?
Me: Thats coming from people who are already successful.
Reflection: If you walk away, sit down, mope around and turn on your music,
nothing will get done. Oh here we go, hes looking at her twitter.
Me: Just leave me alone.
Reflection: You are the saddest thing I have ever seen, I pity the fool who
doesnt like himself.
Me: Thanks Mr. T.

Reflection: Get up, drink a lot of water, and go practice. Practice your sport,
your speech, and go do something nice for someone.
Me: Why do I need to go help someone?
Reflection: Have you forgotten? You will have no smile, if you arent putting
one on someone else.
Me: But what did that someone do for me? Nothing.
Reflection: So? You would do anything for Lorena if she was troubled?
Me: Yeah but thats
Reflection: Different? Is it really? Everyone deserves some kindness.
Me: I guess you are right.
Reflection: I am right, glad you realized.
Me: Hold up, dont get so full of yourself. Alright, basketball, speech, service.
Reflection: You better be joking? You arent going anywhere until priorities
are set straight.
Me: Oh my gosh, service, speech, basketball.
Reflection: Thats right! Now whos the man?
Me: Youre the man.
Reflection: Come on, lets get positive here!
Me: Okay, okay. Im the man.
Reflection: We will go through this cycle as many times as we need until you
get it. Which sometimes I dont see why you havent yet. You are smart,
mildly handsome, talented, cared for, loved, praised what else do you want?
Me: I still got to prove that I am great.
Reflection: To who? Mami? Lorena?
Me: You and I.

Troubled One Recipe

35 kg Passionate Oxygen (emits love at a phenomenal rate and duration)

6.4 kg Humorous Hydrogen (enables human to have a sense of humor, and the ability to
potentially initiate laughter in exterior organisms)

17.5 kg Epicurean Carbon (gives the human its desire for excitement or fun)

1.5 kg Mock Nitrogen (replaces Nitrogen, but results in the dishonesty of the human,
positive and negative effects vary)

1.0 kg Analytical Calcium (the humans rational will come from this substance)

0.54 kg Pestiferous Phosphorus (gives an infective element to humans attitude,

resulting in exterior organisms being subject to what the human is feeling)

110 g Unstable Sulfur (leads to quick change of emotional direction, turns sadness into
anger, happiness into paranoia)

72 g Sensitive Sodium (gives the human an empathetic perspective, and the ability to
feel emotions)

120 g Overpowering Potassium (may result in human being an assertive leader)

76 g Religious Chlorine (gives human the desire for Christ-like attributes, gives the ability
to strive for morality and virtue)

17 g Explosive Magnesium (when human is reached a breaking point the magnesium

reserve will be exposed and will result in extreme insensitivity and lack of cooperation)

18 g Voluptuous Silicon (the humans appetite, lust, and extreme emotions will originate
from this element)

2.5 g Competent Iron (gives the human the efficiency and skill to carry out actions
successfully, this element is very strong in small quantities)

2.4 g Zinc of Vitality (this element gives the human its endurance, potent in small
quantities)

83 mg Resolute Copper (stubbornness, and determination both will originate from this
element. This gives human its resilience)

31 mg Iodine of Lethargy (laziness and lack of productivity come from this substance)

12 mg Polar Manganese (pessimism and optimism derive from this element)

4.2 mg Selfish Fluorine (selfishness and a desire for attention derive from this element)

6.2 mg Selfless Chromium (the counter of Selfish Flourine, desire for service and the
helping of others come from the element)

5.4 mg Sly Selenium (this element institutes cunning and occasionally the deceitful
nature of the human, powerful in small quantities)

4.9 mg Molybdenum of Toleration (results in the ability to tolerate incompetence and/or

ignorance, only strong in large quantities)

1 mg Rare Addled Cobalt (results in hyperactive mind, doubt and faith coexist here)

Combine all at once using thermo nuclear mixer, and heat to 15,000,000
Fahrenheit. Let it cool for about 15-16 years.
Serve with ease, you have now made one Troubled One.

Word: Eric
Pronunciation: air-ick/
Grammatical Use: Noun
Definition: 1. Person of great ability and skill primarily in social and physical

areas of action. 2. One who self-doubts constantly 3. One who engages in

almost every act excluding illegal, abusive, or sinful actions 4. One who is
troubled
Synonyms: prodigy, warrior, fool, risk-taker, scholar, athlete, peacemaker, observer, irrational,
driver, leader, confused
Antonyms: rational, passenger, follower, hell raiser, wise, understanding
Word in Context: His results are beyond satisfactory Well we are

talking about Eric here.

Origin: Eirkr is the old form of Eric. Eirkr is composed of the first element 'ei' (meaning ever,
always or alone), with the second element 'rikr' (meaning ruler, prince). Specifically to Eric
Barragan given to him by his mother and father, the name was chosen because of the fact that it
is pronounced similar in most languages.

Manuel Barragan
Commissioner of Ambition

State of Mind

Diana Johnson
Director of Sensitive Feeling

Department of Attitude
Division of Inner Psychology
Eric G. Barragan
3381 S. Skyhawk View Circle
Exempt Weakness
as of August 18, 1998
Eric Barragan may not disrespect religion, authority, or
anyone/anything. Disrespect will lead to disappointment of all kinds and
punishment may occur.

Eric Barragan must always work, lack of productivity will result in

a waste of life
Eric Barragan must manage all aspects of social, educational,
recreational, domestic, and religious participation and prioritize
according to the Commissioner of Ambition
Eric Barragan must always and will forgive and love without
ceasing, the Director of Sensitive Feeling
When failure occurs, Eric Barragan must put himself down and
compare himself to those around him
Eric Barragan is required by the Department of Attitude to
overthink the good things in life (i.e. people, feelings, blessings)
to a point where lack of gratitude occurs
Displaying weakness of any sort will lead to the judgment of
others automatically
If Eric is ever to be the troubled boy he always is, he must not
seek help, but solve his own problems. If exterior aid is offered to
him, he must reluctantly accept and refrain from telling the
whole truth.
Eric must perform above and beyond expectations at all times
Eric must do whatever it is in his power (under righteous
dominion) to protect, serve, and care for his family, himself, and
those around him

Eric must not cry, crying will expose him to feelings that will
leave him worthless
Eric cannot blame anything in his life for his sadness, if he is sad,
that is his fault.

Bureau of Self Outlook

Phone: 801-867-3274
Fax: 801-687-7432

End Notes
Opener: Introducing the Boy
I had my opener as a narrative because I thought it would be easy to introduce my
reoccurring theme about being troubled. I put in details of what I like and main
things I think about so that the reader can see what I am thinking and feeling.
Prose: To Run from Inner Thoughts
I wrote about myself and how I react to stress to show my weakness, but also my
strength in coping with negativity. The reader can again learn more about me, and if
possible connect to how I feel. Many teenagers feel like they want to run, but
through me hopefully they can learn that you dont have to run from home, but that
you can run to become at ease.
Dialogue: Two In One
I decided my piece of dialogue to be talking to myself because everyone has a
constant narrative in their mind, a sort of commentary. But sometimes in reality I
find myself talking to myself, whether it be for self-pity, brainstorming, or because I
am bored. But sometimes, in bad moods, conversing with yourself and thinking
something out can help.
Poem: Mamis Lesson
I love rap, I cannot rap, but I love rhyming and the poetry of it. The piece itself isnt
really a rap, but it rhymes and it conveys a message I learned as a youth. Drug
abuse played a tremendous role in my life, not from doing it myself but being
affected from exterior factors. Focusing on me, and my mind for the project,
incorporating drug use into my project was inevitable.
Expository: State of Mind
I had some fun with this one, but on a serious level it shows kind of my lifestyle and
what I have been living by. Growing up being resilient and strong was always told to
me, and lacking a mother I never got the affectionate part of childhood. Reading it

with a serious tone entices the feeling of injustice almost, but the necessity of
strength. Diana Johnson is my real mother by the way.
Additional Genre: Definition
This is the point where I took a positive view of things. I got to flatter myself a bit
saying good things about me. This piece I found beneficial for me, as a writer, the
most because I had to think and sincerely put what I was and not necessarily what I
wanted to be. And yes, the prodigy synonym was pushing it a little far.
Additional Genre #2: Recipe
This one took a fair amount of time. Again I had to think of things that were true,
not what I aspired to be. The instructions at the end were very short because the
point was to read what the elements did and how they affected the human. This
piece was by far the most positive about me. So if it inhibits debate then by all
means debate.