9/11

By: Mckenna Henson

The sky was very welcoming, as we passed dozens of buildings such as skyscrapers. I looked up
and saw two of the tallest buildings in the nation. The Twin Towers. We passed them within seconds. Fifty
acres of offices and workspaces. I still couldnt get the image out of my head. How the sun reflected off
the 43,000 windows, making you see spots dancing across your vision. How it intimidated you to look at
them and feel like youre nothing but an ant.
You work there? I asked, turning to my mother.
Yep. Ive worked here for half my life. You know this, Maisy. She glanced at me quickly before
focusing on the road again.
Yeah I know. I just didnt think that it was like this. I cleared my throat and rolled the window
down. It was a cool crisp September day in New York. The air flowed through my short dirty blonde hair.
I looked in the mirror and saw myself. I had freckles and chocolate-colored eyes. I decided to wear just a
t-shirt with the band logo, Fall Out Boy on it and some dark skinny jeans with red converse. My mother
however, decided to wear a white blouse and an ebony pencil skirt with some plain black high-heels. Her
also blonde hair was let down. It was long and straight.
Today was Take Your Kid to Work Day and even though it was only Tuesday, it felt like a
Friday. It felt like something good was going to happen. It felt like a good day to be alive. I looked down
at my phone. I had a message from my best friend, Tammy.
Hey Mais. You should be lucky your parents pulled you out of school. Its crazy here. She sent.
Really? What happened? I replied with.
Some kids got in a fight and it's just been hectic. Anyways, I have 2nd period. Ill talk to you
later today. She finally said.
My mothers green eyes peered through the parking lot as she tried to find a space. After finally
10 minutes of trying to find a place to park, we got one. We stepped out of the car and was greeted by a
nice breeze. It was about 8:20. We quickly hurried into the South Tower and found where we were
supposed to be. It was crowded. There were many people working on multiple things. Briefcases were
peppered across the sea of people. My mom lead us to her work space and sat down.
I have a phone call to make, so if you could just sit tight that would be great. She smiled.

Alright. I said, taking a seat next to her. I pulled my phone out to check the time. 8:34. It felt
later than that. I waited a few minutes, twirling a pencil in my hands as my guardian was on the phone. I
thought to myself.
Were so high up. On the 90th floor. Of 110. Wow. Thats crazy I was snapped from my
thoughts as I heard a distant crash. It didnt sound normal, like someone dropping something. It was dense
and muffled. I realized what I heard around me. Silence. Dead. Silence. No one was talking. No one was
was moving. I looked around. Everyone was frozen in their tracks like a deer in head lights. I shook my
Moms shoulder. Whats going on? Whats going on? Whats going on? Played in my head repeatedly.
Someone turned on a nearby T.V.
-lane has hit! A plane has hit! This is to you Live from Manhattan and we have news to bring
you. A seems as though a plane has hit the North Tower of the World Trade Centers. Screams of
disbelief echoed from the work space. Smoke is billowing out of three sides of the tower.
I stood up and looked out the many windows of the rooms. Sure enough, a massive amount of
smoke was blocking the view of a distressed city.
PLEASE EVACUATE THE TOWERS IMMEDIATELY. The television blared.
Everyone looked in horror as they stared into the panic-stricken screen. No one dared say a thing
as we all looked at each other, slightly confused.
COME ON PEOPLE, LETS MOVE! One of the workers shouted.
Different people directed us to different places. Some people went down the stairs, and some
people went down the elevator. Kids were crying, parents were worried, and everyone was scared. I ran to
my mom as she tried her best to get out of the massive sea of people. We unfortunately got separated and
she headed down the stairs with a terrified look in her eyes as she didnt want to lose her child. I was
weaving in and out of other members as I tried to get to the stairs. Someone pushed me into the elevator
with some other adults and lead me down. I stood in the elevator for a few minutes, wanting to get out
when it happened. The second plane hit.
It was right above us. About the 93rd floor. A huge explosion flooded from all the windows as I
heard people scream, helpless. The elevator stopped moving. The light flickered off. Everything was
silent. We stood there in terrified silence for about 5 minutes. Someone finally decided to do something
and walked over to the elevator door. They pried it open with their bare hands and stared into nothing but
a cement wall. We were stuck. We had no way to get out. I looked down to see a little girl with a pale blue
dress, little yellow bumblebees lining the rim on the bottom, and light brown pigtails.
Mommy? Whats happening? She said as she looked up at her dazed mother. I felt horrible. A
little girl like this shouldnt have to go through with something as tragic as this.

Finally after standing and sitting around for a long while, we heard and felt the ground below us
tremble. Its groaning became louder and louder and the elevator cable snapped. The impact stuck us hard
and we succumbed into the darkness.

I was lucky to wake up. My eyes fluttered open as all I saw was a hazy, cloudy, dust surrounding
me. The roof of the elevator shielded me from falling debris. I couldn't really see in the elevator. It was
dark. I crawled around, being careful of the sharp edges of the broken metal. No one was in here. There
were at least three or five people in here before? Did they get out? Did the survive? Or did they perish?
These questions ran through my mind as I squinted at a bright light coming in through a narrow crack. It
was the elevator doors. They were partially closed but if I tried hard enough, I could get through it. I then
scrambled over to the mysterious light but was stopped in my tracks. Something had touched me. I
touched something. I felt around to see what the something was. It surprised me. It wasnt a something
but a someone. They felt warm. I leaned down to their chest. I heard a small
thump.thump.thump.They were still alive. I felt around them and figured out it was a child. I
carefully picked them up and hesitantly headed to the crack in the elevator door.
The light stung my eyes as I got closer. I took the little girl and carefully slid her throught the
crack, setting her down on some flat debris. I then slid myself through, not so carefully. My hips didnt fit
though the narrow opening and I painfully pulled my lower half out into the open, a sharp edge of the
broken elevator scraping alongside my waist. The excruciating sensation ran thorugh my body as I held in
my cry of pain. I looked down at my waist, and sure enough I was bleeding. It hurt to walk. It hurt to
stand. I tried to subside the pain and move on. Dust from the fallen building was clouded everywhere. It
stuck to my clothes and face, making it hard to see. I looked around. We were still in all the debris but
thankfully we werent to for from the top. I looked down at my company, and I realized. It was the little
girl from before. Her used to be pale blue dress was now tattered and caked with dust. I picked her up,
trying not to cry from my painful wound. We then moved passed boulders from the broken building of the
nation.
After time and time of climbing to the top, we reached it. We made it. We were alive. For right
now. I moved down, keeping the girl in my arms safe. Boulder after boulder. Obstacle after obstacle. I
tried not to slip or fall from the many dangers of this pile of debris. I froze in my tracks as I laid a foot on
the street. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I set another foot on the street. And I started walking. I
walked and walked, until I emerged from the billowing dust cloud. People came into view. They were no
longer figures beyond my reach or figment of my imagination. They were real, living people. Tears
streamed down my face as the others stared at me in surprise, wondering how a teenager like me could
surivive something like this. And trust me, I was thinking the same thing. A medic came over to me,
taking the girl away from me. They checked her pulse and put her on a gurney, then proceeded to carry
her away from the crowd. I stood there, not knowing what to do. My side was killing me and I dropped
down to my knees so I wouldnt have to stand. The tears cleared away the dust that was left in my eyes
and I could see my mother running towards me. Her hair was messed up. Her clothes were covered in the
slightest bit of dust. I could tell she wanted to hug me, but she didnt after she saw the gash in my side.
The medics came over also and gave me the treatment I needed. They put me on fluids and patched up my
injuries. All there was left to do was sit there helpless and watch the second tower crumble into nothing.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A few days after the accident, after I was home again, and after I was starting to heal, a faint
knock came to my door. I walked over, limping, and opened it.
There was an old lady. Along with the little girl I saved. It was nice knowing she survived.
Sorry to bother you, The lady said, snapping me out of my thoughts. But wed like you to
have these. She reached out and handed me a boquet of flowers. They smelled like heaven. I held them
in my arms and stared down at the little girl. She was no longer wearing a torn up blue dress, but a yellow
one with blue cats all over it.
Robin here just wanted to stop by and say thank you. Normally her parents would come by and
thank you a million times but, they perished during the accident. The old ladys voice trembled, and she
pet Robins hair. I leaned down, being careful of my injury and kneeled to Robins eye level.
Thank you, Robin. I said with a gentle smile and she hugged me. The last words almost brought
me to tears as she said them.
Youre my hero.
And with that, the old lady and Robin walked away leaving me behind.

Unit 1 Embedded Assessment 1 Rubric

Scoring
Criteria
Ideas

28/30pts

Exemplary

Proficient

Emerging

Incomplete

The narrative...

The narrative...

The narrative...

The narrative...

...creates a
complex, original
protagonist.
(10pts)

creates a
believable original
protagonist. (8pts)

...creates an
unoriginal or
undeveloped
protagonist. (6pts)

...lacks a
protagonist. (3pts)

...establishes a
clear point of view,
setting, and
conflict. (10pts)
...uses precise and
engaging details,
dialogue, imagery

...establishes
point-of-view,
setting, and
conflict. (8pts)
...uses adequate
details, dialogue,
imagery, and
description. (8pts)

...establishes a
weak point of view,
setting, or conflict.
(6pts)
...uses inadequate
narrative
techniques. (6pts)

...does not
establish point of
view, setting, or
conflict. (3pts)
...uses minimal
narrative
techniques. (3pts)

and description.
(10pts)
Structure

46/50pts

...engages and
orients the reader
with detailed
exposition. (15pts)
...sequences
events in the plot
effectively,
including a variety
of steps from the
Heros Journey
archetype. (15pts)
...uses a variety of
transitional
strategies
effectively and
purposefully.
(10pts)

...orients the
reader with
adequate
exposition. (13pts)
...sequences
events in the plot
logically, including
some steps of the
Heros Journey
archetype. (13pts)
...uses transitional
words, phrases,
and clauses to link
events and signal
shifts. (8pts)
...provides a logical
resolution. (8pts)

...provides weak or
vague exposition.
(11pts)
...sequences events
unevenly, including
minimal or unclear
steps of the Heros
Journey archetype.
(11pts)
...uses inconsistent,
repetitive, or basic
transitional words,
phrases, and
clauses. (6pts)

...lacks an
exposition. (8pts)
...has minimal plot
with no apparent
connection to the
Heros Journey
archetype. (8pts)
...uses few or no
transitional
strategies. (3pts)
...lacks a resolution.
(3pts)

...provides a weak
or disconnected
resolution. (6pts)

...provides a
thoughtful
resolution. (10pts)
Use of
Language

18/20pts

...uses connotative
diction, vivid verbs,
figurative
language, and
sensory language
effectively. (10pts)
...demonstrates
command of the
conventions of
standard English
capitalization,
punctuation,
spelling, grammar,
and usage
(including
appropriate use of
a variety of
moods). (10pts)

...uses adequate
connotative diction,
vivid verbs,
figurative
language, and
sensory language.
(8pts)
...demonstrates
adequate
command of the
conventions of
standard English
capitalization,
punctuation,
spelling, grammar,
and usage
(including
appropriate use of

...uses weak or
unsophisticated
diction, verbs,
figurative language
and sensory
language. (6pts)
...demonstrates
partial or
inconsistent
command of the
conventions of
standard English
capitalization,
punctuation,
spelling, grammar,
and usage. (6pts)

...uses limited or
inappropriate
language. (3pts)
...lacks command
of the conventions
of standard English
capitalization,
punctuation,
spelling, grammar,
and usage;
frequent errors
obscure meaning.
(3pts)

moods). (8pts)

Total: 92/100 pts

Additional Comments: This was very well written. There are probably many people who could
relate to this story. I liked the development of your character. To make her more complex, I
think you could have created some refusal of the call by having her face some self-doubt at
some point. There were a few grammar/spelling errors, too. Well done overall!