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Grief and Loss
Rigo Diaz
Table of Contents
Background Information.p3-6
Screening Instructions .p7
Lesson 1: General Orientation.p7-8
Lesson 2: 5 Stages of Grief...p9-10
Lesson 3: Color your heart..p11-13
Lesson 4: Now and Then..p14
Lesson 5: Question Basket...p15-16
Lesson 6: Closure..p17-18
Evaluation.p18
Appendices.......p19-21
Introduction
Loss is universal and will be something our students go through at some point in their
lives and they respond to it with different degrees of grief. When people lose someone,
whether it is death or not, students grieve in different durations and expressions that can
range from, but are not limited to depression to rage to avoidance (p, 4). Losing someone,
however, is definitely the most distressing emotional experience students will face. With that
being said, a common misconception people have is that students can only experience grief
when they lose someone by death. Students can also experience grief when students lose
loved ones due to deployment, deportation, relocation and not being involved in their loved
ones lives any longer. When speaking to students about their loss, be mindful about their
developmental level, respectful of their cultural norms, and sensitive to their capacity to
understand the situation (p, 1). For instance, working with elementary students will have a
different dynamic because students adult figures will contribute and play a significant role in
shaping their perceptions of the loss. Since some students are still too young, they will try to
display the same expressions their significant adult figures are displaying. However, students
may also display other type of reactions: emotional shock, regressive behaviors, explosive
emotions and acting out behavior and asking the same questions over and over. Also, students
at this age, start to understand the finality of death. They can understand that some
circumstances will result in death, but cannot process that death can happen in their family or
to their loved ones. Furthermore, middle and high school students understand death, having
to approach them in a different manner and supporting them to cope with their loss in a
different dynamic.
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Additionally, parents who disclose the loss of a loved one should also have their child be
considered of this group. Lastly, if the school counselor knows of any potential students for
the group, they should call them and ask if they are interested in becoming a member of the
group. Once the students agree to the group, they are given letters of consent from their
parents. (See appendix 1). Students who agree to the group and conditions are encouraged to
come to all the sessions. Once the students complete the program and miss less than sessions,
they are given a certificate of completion. (See appendix 2). The objective of the group is to
have students be informed about the five stages of grief and learn how to express their
emotions and identify the stage they are in. Students will also learn how to see how their life
if different from what it was. With this mechanism, students will learn how to embrace the
good times they had with loved ones, but learn how to cope with their feelings. Lastly, it is
pivotal for school counselors to have an open door policy and have students who are grieving
to have individual sessions. Again, be mindful that students grieve at different stages and the
duration of each stage will vary. Some sites that I found were useful and provided resources
for all grades are: http://www.southtampatherapy.com/
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/deathgrief.pdf and counselorsroom.com.
These sources will allow you to implement a group that deals with grief and loss. It has
activities for all grades and all ages. Also, it provides you with information that we, as school
counselors, can use to educate ourselves about the grieving process.
Challenges
Some data and information I had did not have a sample that was big enough to be
fully credible. It might have worked at that specific school for some reason, but the same
may not apply to the other school. Its limitations were also that it did not provide me with
additional resources if the group was not as effective as planned. It is important to educate
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ourselves about the process to implement something new. Other recommendations were to
refer out to a specialist, but we should always find a way to support our students.
Screening Instructions
Students will be screened by referral and by introduction to the group. Any student, who feels
they have lost someone, will attend this group and learn how to cope with losing a loved one.
Additionally, students who are referred will be considered for the group too. Students who
disclose to their teacher or who know information about a recent loss are considered for the
program yet. The group, however, is voluntary and students that want meet the minimum
requirements are not forced to attend.
Goals of the group
The students will understand the purpose of the Insight group. The students will design the
group rules and participate in a group icebreaker activity in order to begin the group bonding
process.
MATERIALS NEEDED:
Group sign in sheet, tissue, colored markers, sharpened pencils, plain white paper, group
rules large poster paper, student folders, facilitator folder, light refreshments (cereal bars,
granola), and ice chips.
PRIOR TO FIRST MEETING:
Inform teachers of students group participation, time, place, dates and any other pertinent
information on a need to know basis.
LESSON:
1. Students sign in.
2. Facilitators will explain the purpose of the Insight group, and the weekly time and
meeting place.
3. Discuss and write the group rules. Remember, the Rule of Confidentiality must be
included and clearly explained. Include the four incidents when confidentiality may
be broken: 1) A student is hurting him/herself. 2) Someone else is hurting a student.
3) A student is planning to hurt someone else. 4) A student has knowledge of someone
being hurt. Only the facts of the class are shareable. Post the group rules somewhere
visible at every group meeting. Remember, facilitators are "Keepers of the Rules."
4. Explain, model, and have students participate in the Feeling Check or group opener.
Be sure to issue the right to pass before beginning.
5. Do an icebreaker / group opener to help build the bonding process. This activity
should be low risk and fun. For example: Name Game and sharing time.
6. Discuss the reasons why each participant is in the group.
7. Close the session on a positive note. Upshift the students for their next class, have
students put all materials away, and remind them of the next meeting
8. FRIENDLY REMINDER:
It is important to build trust and confidence within the group and it is very helpful if the
facilitators do the exact activities as the students. Do whatever makes you and the group
successful.
(Lesson adapted from Insight Curriculum, Session#1)
OBJECTIVE: The students will be able to identify each stage of grief. The students will be
able to identify which stage they are in.
MATERIALS NEEDED: Students will need to group sign-in sheet and 5 stages of grief
worksheet.
LESSON:
1.
2. Students will review rules established and review the first session.
3. Students will read one stage each.
4. Student will provide an example of their own life experience.
5. Facilitator will close up and disclose a stage they have experienced and validate
feelings of what everyone has gone through and what they have shared.
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OBJECTIVE:
1. Explore feelings.
2. Explore / recognize changes in feelings brought by healing.
3. Embrace contradictory feelings.
4. Understand sameness / differentness with others feelings
MATERIALS NEEDED:
Concentric heart picture, color code sheet, crayons or marking pens (black, green, red, purple
and gold)
LESSON:
1. Students will sign in.
2. Concentric heart picture is distributed as a picture of our grieving heart. The suggested
meanings for each color are also passed out.
3. Group members are invited to read the suggested meanings for colors and then color their own
heart in a way that is meaningful to them.
4. They will be invited to share their hearts after 15 minutes (or whatever) of working on them.
Coloring may continue during sharing.
5. The hearts may be dated and blank pages distributed for future use as a healing assessment.
BLACK Usually lasts from a few days to a few months after I learn of the death. At times, I
may experience a lack of feeling or numbness; other times there may be feelings of hopelessness,
helplessness, depression, abandonment or disbelief. Sometimes I cant cry; other times I cant
stop crying. The death is so painful and shocking to consider that I may put it out of my mind as
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much as possible. I may want to have fun all the time, or else withdraw from my friends and
become a loaner.
PURPLE I can get my feelings out in better ways now. Instead of picking fights with my
friends or family members, I can talk about what bugs me most about the death in my family. I
dont have to change the subject when someone starts talking about the one who died. I know its
okay if I cry when I feel like it. I like to talk to others whove had similar experiences in their
family. I dont feel the death was my fault (if I did before). If I blamed others, I can now work on
forgiveness. No one is perfect; it is human to make mistakes. I understand that life is different
without the one who died; it will never be exactly the same. Memory of the death does not
constantly haunt me. Ive made some new friends. I enjoy life; there are lost of things fun to do. I
like to recall happy times or funny things that I shared with the one who died.
GREEN The reality of the death begins to sink in. I can name what it is that upsets or bothers me
so much about the death. I want to talk about what happened. I feel an urge to ask questions
about it. I can share some of my thoughts and feelings with those whom I trust. I can admit that I
feel (finish the sentence) . . . . .
RED Thoughts and feelings I could not look at before begin to surface. (I didnt even know
some of these were there!) Again, I sometimes cry uncontrollably. I wonder if I am getting worse
instead of better. I may lose my temper over practically nothing. It may not be unusual for me to
feel like fighting. A grief support group can be very helpful now because I am ready to share and
process.
GOLD I feel better about everything now. I know I will never forget the one who died, and I can
talk about that one without feeling despondent or intensely sad. I understand that death,
suffering, loving and losing are natural parts of life. I dont worry about things that I used to
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worry about (like what if someone else dies?). Even though life is different now without the one
who died, things seem normal. I have dreams, hopes and plans for the future. Sure, death
happens; but life is cool!
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VARIATION: Participants are asked to write "I used to be....but now...." as many times as they
choose. These are read without comment and followed by discussion of common threads.
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2. Before the death, my most loved possession was _____. Today my most loved possession is
_____________.
3. Before the death, my biggest fear was _________. Today my biggest fear
is________________________________________________
4. What about you has changed lately without your permission?
5. If you could change how you were told of the death, what would you do differently?
6. How do other members of your family express their grief?
7. How do you feel when someone says, "I know just what you're going through?"
8. How has your success in school been influenced by this death?
9. If you could change parts of the funeral, what would you do differently?
10. Describe one of the most special sympathy cards or letters you received?
11. When you feel like expressing your grief, who do you choose to be with and why?
12. What advice have you received that was helpful for you in coping with your grief?
13. Anger is a common response to loss and grief. Give a recent example of such anger in your
life.
14. In what ways have your hopes and plans for the future changed as a result of the death?
15. Describe what it is like for you to visit the cemetery.
16. Complete this statement: "When I feel like crying, I . . . "
17. What advice would you give a funeral director or minister in terms of helping grieving
people, especially young people?
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OBJECTIVE: Students will be able to review what they have learned in group counseling.
Students will be able to know what stage they are in and will explain how to cope with the stage
they are. Students will also share a positive affirmation about themselves and others.
MATERIALS: Goal cards.
LESSON:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Group sign in
Review goals for group.
Go around the group and say one thing they have learned.
Be able to say one mechanism to cope.
Share something you like about yourself.
Go around the group and share a positive affirmation to group members.
A Simple Gift
Facilitators can give each participant a simple gift such as a smooth stone or a polished agate.
These stones can be infused with special powers by some sort of group ceremony. For instance,
each member of the class, in turn, passes his or her stone around the group. The other members
rub the stone and say something about the persons positive strengths or make a wish of good
fortune for the person
Positive Bombardment
In this exercise, each person in the group receives positive feedback from all the other members.
When it is a persons turn to receive feedback, he or she cannot respond in any way except to say
thank you to the person giving the feedback. The feedback can be very simple such as:
You have a good sense of humor.
Youre a caring, genuine person.
You are very honest.
I really appreciate how much you shared about yourself.
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Group Evaluation
I need to collect data to assess their improvement socially/personally and academically. By
checking their grades and behavior before and after the group will allow me to see the
effectiveness of the intervention. Additionally, it is also important to see the areas they remained
stagnant in to see how we can modify the group. Lastly, I will collect data on their attendance
and referrals for behavior. This will be pivotal to show to administration and demonstrate the
success of the group and need for it.
Appendix 1
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(Consent form adopted from Orange Glen High School, School Counseling program)
Appendix 2
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References
Hawarth, R. (2011). Concepts and Controversies in Grief and Loss. Retrieved May 9, 2015, from
http://www.csub.edu/~rhewett/english99/Howarth.pdf
Auman, M. (2007). Bereavement support for children. Journal of School Nursing, 23(1), 3439.
(n.d.). Retrieved May 14, 2015, from
http://www.southtampatherapy.com/South_Tampa_Therapy/Articles__Self_Help_files/GRIEF
PACKET.pdf
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