Small Group Curriculum

For
Grief and Loss
Rigo Diaz

Table of Contents
Background Information.p3-6
Screening Instructions .p7
Lesson 1: General Orientation.p7-8
Lesson 2: 5 Stages of Grief...p9-10
Lesson 3: Color your heart..p11-13
Lesson 4: Now and Then..p14
Lesson 5: Question Basket...p15-16
Lesson 6: Closure..p17-18
Evaluation.p18
Appendices.......p19-21

Introduction
Loss is universal and will be something our students go through at some point in their
lives and they respond to it with different degrees of grief. When people lose someone,
whether it is death or not, students grieve in different durations and expressions that can
range from, but are not limited to depression to rage to avoidance (p, 4). Losing someone,
however, is definitely the most distressing emotional experience students will face. With that
being said, a common misconception people have is that students can only experience grief
when they lose someone by death. Students can also experience grief when students lose
loved ones due to deployment, deportation, relocation and not being involved in their loved
ones lives any longer. When speaking to students about their loss, be mindful about their
developmental level, respectful of their cultural norms, and sensitive to their capacity to
understand the situation (p, 1). For instance, working with elementary students will have a
different dynamic because students adult figures will contribute and play a significant role in
shaping their perceptions of the loss. Since some students are still too young, they will try to
display the same expressions their significant adult figures are displaying. However, students
may also display other type of reactions: emotional shock, regressive behaviors, explosive
emotions and acting out behavior and asking the same questions over and over. Also, students
at this age, start to understand the finality of death. They can understand that some
circumstances will result in death, but cannot process that death can happen in their family or
to their loved ones. Furthermore, middle and high school students understand death, having
to approach them in a different manner and supporting them to cope with their loss in a
different dynamic.
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According to Concepts and Controversies in Grief and Loss, bereavement is

understood to be the experience of having lost a loved one to death, grief to be various
emotional, physiological, cognitive and behavioral reactions to the loss, and mourning to be
the cultural practices through which bereavement and grief are expressed (p,4). It is
important to understand the concepts and the process students endure, so be mindful of each
stage and know to apply specific skills for each one.
Data
Students grieving are so prevalent in school; making us school counselors pivotal in
the coping process. According to Grieving Students, 1 in 20 children will lose a parent by the
time they graduate from high school, which also does not include students who will lose a
sibling, family members, friends and other loved ones. 7 out of 10 teachers also say that they
have a student currently in their classroom that is grieving. Grief can have a tremendous
impact on a students ability to stay on track, stay focused and stay enthusiastic towards
school, says Erin Kimble, social workers at Indianapolis Metropolitan High School (p, 34).
Be aware for students who are grieving; attending school alone is a challenge for them and in
school they can become angry which can lead to disruptive outbursts. Data shows that
students can react differently to their loss, but will have negative classroom behaviors and
low academic achievement. Having teachers or school counselors who know how to help
and support students cope is definitely needed at this point because their parents or other
adults in the household do not always support them appropriately. According to Glass, adults
tend to ignore their children and their encounters with loss. Adults have a notion that the grief
will go away if they do not call attention to these concerns. Adults are impacting their
childrens life in the coping process and will also keep them from understanding life and its
reality.
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School Counselors...What can we do?

As school counselors, we need to understand that there is no right or wrong way to
react to a loss. Grief reactions, as mentioned earlier, are influenced primarily by their
developmental level, mental health, cultural influences and family influences. Since I am
focusing on a middle school curriculum, the remaining information will focus on middle
school students. At this level, students will experience flashbacks, depression, nightmares,
avoidance, peer relationship problems and potential substance abuse or other high-risk
behavior (p, 34). What we need to do is train ourselves to be competent to allow students
cope and fill them with support when they most need it. With that being said, we need to
educate ourselves about the process of grief. We need to learn how to use the correct
language depending on the loss of the child. Always be an active listener and listen to what
your student needs to say. However, do not expect the student to give you answers and we
should reassure them that it is okay to skip whenever they want to. Always accept and
encourage their expressions of feelings while helping them to identify feelings and teach
them good coping techniques based on those feelings. Always ask students questions to
make sure you are getting a holistic understanding of their situation. Remain objective and
accepting when a student shares any thoughts or feelings with you. It is also important to
encourage students to educate themselves on the grieving process, find resources they might
need, and to learn how to be patient (p, 2).
When you develop a group counseling group, make sure students meet the
requirements. Although it is completely voluntary, it is pivotal to have students experience
any type of loss. Again, their loss can vary: deportation of parents, deployment of parents,
loss of a loved one or a relocation of loved ones. If school personnel know of any students
that have lost a loved one in any way, they should refer them to the school counselor.
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Additionally, parents who disclose the loss of a loved one should also have their child be
considered of this group. Lastly, if the school counselor knows of any potential students for
the group, they should call them and ask if they are interested in becoming a member of the
group. Once the students agree to the group, they are given letters of consent from their
parents. (See appendix 1). Students who agree to the group and conditions are encouraged to
come to all the sessions. Once the students complete the program and miss less than sessions,
they are given a certificate of completion. (See appendix 2). The objective of the group is to
have students be informed about the five stages of grief and learn how to express their
emotions and identify the stage they are in. Students will also learn how to see how their life
if different from what it was. With this mechanism, students will learn how to embrace the
good times they had with loved ones, but learn how to cope with their feelings. Lastly, it is
pivotal for school counselors to have an open door policy and have students who are grieving
to have individual sessions. Again, be mindful that students grieve at different stages and the
duration of each stage will vary. Some sites that I found were useful and provided resources
for all grades are: http://www.southtampatherapy.com/
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/deathgrief.pdf and counselorsroom.com.
These sources will allow you to implement a group that deals with grief and loss. It has
activities for all grades and all ages. Also, it provides you with information that we, as school
counselors, can use to educate ourselves about the grieving process.
Challenges
Some data and information I had did not have a sample that was big enough to be
fully credible. It might have worked at that specific school for some reason, but the same
may not apply to the other school. Its limitations were also that it did not provide me with
additional resources if the group was not as effective as planned. It is important to educate
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ourselves about the process to implement something new. Other recommendations were to
refer out to a specialist, but we should always find a way to support our students.
Screening Instructions
Students will be screened by referral and by introduction to the group. Any student, who feels
they have lost someone, will attend this group and learn how to cope with losing a loved one.
Additionally, students who are referred will be considered for the group too. Students who
disclose to their teacher or who know information about a recent loss are considered for the
program yet. The group, however, is voluntary and students that want meet the minimum
requirements are not forced to attend.
Goals of the group

Assist students to cope with their loss.

Learn the 5 stages of grief
Explore the feelings students feel when they lose a loved one
Techniques to cope with grief and loss
Learn how to live without their loved one, but still embrace the time they did
Learn how to express their feelings in a detailed way.
Learn how to find sources online and get information on the grief and loss process.

SESSION #1: GENERAL ORIENTATION/GROUP BONDING

OBJECTIVE:
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The students will understand the purpose of the Insight group. The students will design the
group rules and participate in a group icebreaker activity in order to begin the group bonding
process.
MATERIALS NEEDED:
Group sign in sheet, tissue, colored markers, sharpened pencils, plain white paper, group
rules large poster paper, student folders, facilitator folder, light refreshments (cereal bars,
granola), and ice chips.
PRIOR TO FIRST MEETING:
Inform teachers of students group participation, time, place, dates and any other pertinent
information on a need to know basis.
LESSON:
1. Students sign in.
2. Facilitators will explain the purpose of the Insight group, and the weekly time and
meeting place.
3. Discuss and write the group rules. Remember, the Rule of Confidentiality must be
included and clearly explained. Include the four incidents when confidentiality may
be broken: 1) A student is hurting him/herself. 2) Someone else is hurting a student.
3) A student is planning to hurt someone else. 4) A student has knowledge of someone
being hurt. Only the facts of the class are shareable. Post the group rules somewhere
visible at every group meeting. Remember, facilitators are "Keepers of the Rules."
4. Explain, model, and have students participate in the Feeling Check or group opener.
Be sure to issue the right to pass before beginning.
5. Do an icebreaker / group opener to help build the bonding process. This activity
should be low risk and fun. For example: Name Game and sharing time.
6. Discuss the reasons why each participant is in the group.
7. Close the session on a positive note. Upshift the students for their next class, have
students put all materials away, and remind them of the next meeting
8. FRIENDLY REMINDER:
It is important to build trust and confidence within the group and it is very helpful if the
facilitators do the exact activities as the students. Do whatever makes you and the group
successful.
(Lesson adapted from Insight Curriculum, Session#1)

SESSION #2: 5 STAGES OF GRIEF

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OBJECTIVE: The students will be able to identify each stage of grief. The students will be
able to identify which stage they are in.
MATERIALS NEEDED: Students will need to group sign-in sheet and 5 stages of grief
worksheet.
LESSON:
1.

Students will sign in.

2. Students will review rules established and review the first session.
3. Students will read one stage each.
4. Student will provide an example of their own life experience.
5. Facilitator will close up and disclose a stage they have experienced and validate
feelings of what everyone has gone through and what they have shared.

The Stages of Grief

The Kbler-Ross model of grief (the five stages of grief) describes five primary responses to
loss. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Someone who is
grieving may go through these stages in any order, and they may return to previous stages.
Denial: This cant be happening. Individuals may refuse to accept the fact that a loss has
occurred. They may minimize or outright deny the situation. It is suggested that loved ones and
professionals be forward and honest about losses to not prolong the denial stage.
Anger: Why is this happening to me? When an individual realizes that a loss has occurred,
they may become angry at themselves or others. They may argue that the situation is unfair and
try to place blame.
Bargaining: I will do anything to change this. In bargaining, the individual may try to change
or delay their loss. For example, they may try to convince a partner to return after a breakup, or
search for unlikely cures in the case of a terminal illness.
Depression: Whats the point of going on after this loss? At the stage of depression the
individual has come to recognize that a loss has occurred or will occur. The individual may
isolate themselves and spend time crying and grieving. Depression is a precursor to acceptance
because the individual has come to recognize their loss.
Acceptance: Its going to be okay. Finally, the individual will come to accept their loss. They
understand the situation logically, and they have come to terms emotionally with the situation.

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SESSION #3: COLOR YOUR HEART

OBJECTIVE:
1. Explore feelings.
2. Explore / recognize changes in feelings brought by healing.
3. Embrace contradictory feelings.
4. Understand sameness / differentness with others feelings
MATERIALS NEEDED:
Concentric heart picture, color code sheet, crayons or marking pens (black, green, red, purple
and gold)
LESSON:
1. Students will sign in.
2. Concentric heart picture is distributed as a picture of our grieving heart. The suggested
meanings for each color are also passed out.
3. Group members are invited to read the suggested meanings for colors and then color their own
heart in a way that is meaningful to them.
4. They will be invited to share their hearts after 15 minutes (or whatever) of working on them.
Coloring may continue during sharing.
5. The hearts may be dated and blank pages distributed for future use as a healing assessment.
BLACK Usually lasts from a few days to a few months after I learn of the death. At times, I
may experience a lack of feeling or numbness; other times there may be feelings of hopelessness,
helplessness, depression, abandonment or disbelief. Sometimes I cant cry; other times I cant
stop crying. The death is so painful and shocking to consider that I may put it out of my mind as

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much as possible. I may want to have fun all the time, or else withdraw from my friends and
become a loaner.
PURPLE I can get my feelings out in better ways now. Instead of picking fights with my
friends or family members, I can talk about what bugs me most about the death in my family. I
dont have to change the subject when someone starts talking about the one who died. I know its
okay if I cry when I feel like it. I like to talk to others whove had similar experiences in their
family. I dont feel the death was my fault (if I did before). If I blamed others, I can now work on
forgiveness. No one is perfect; it is human to make mistakes. I understand that life is different
without the one who died; it will never be exactly the same. Memory of the death does not
constantly haunt me. Ive made some new friends. I enjoy life; there are lost of things fun to do. I
like to recall happy times or funny things that I shared with the one who died.
GREEN The reality of the death begins to sink in. I can name what it is that upsets or bothers me
so much about the death. I want to talk about what happened. I feel an urge to ask questions
about it. I can share some of my thoughts and feelings with those whom I trust. I can admit that I
feel (finish the sentence) . . . . .
RED Thoughts and feelings I could not look at before begin to surface. (I didnt even know
some of these were there!) Again, I sometimes cry uncontrollably. I wonder if I am getting worse
instead of better. I may lose my temper over practically nothing. It may not be unusual for me to
feel like fighting. A grief support group can be very helpful now because I am ready to share and
process.
GOLD I feel better about everything now. I know I will never forget the one who died, and I can
talk about that one without feeling despondent or intensely sad. I understand that death,
suffering, loving and losing are natural parts of life. I dont worry about things that I used to

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worry about (like what if someone else dies?). Even though life is different now without the one
who died, things seem normal. I have dreams, hopes and plans for the future. Sure, death
happens; but life is cool!

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SESSION #4: Now and Then

OBJECTIVES: : 1. Identify and express changes that have occurred because of death
. 2. Stimulate dialogue about our feeling responses to change
MATERIALS NEEDED: Markers, Cut up magazine, Glue and paper
LESSON:
1. Students will sign in.
2. Draw a line down the middle of the page.
3. Have participants draw/paste pictures of their family before and after death.
4. What has changed? What is the same?

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SESSION #5: QUESTION BASKET

OBJECTIVES:
1. To provide a chance to share and become aware of changes in themselves and their families.
2. Explore the negative and positive aspects of these changes.
3. Discover commonality/universality of feelings/experiences with peer group.
MATERIALS NEEDED: Pare-made cards and basket
LESSON:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Students will sign in.

A basket holding the pare-written cards is passed around the group.
A card is picked and read out loud.
Each person may respond to the question.
When everyone has had their say, the basket is passed to the next person and the process
continues.

VARIATION: Participants are asked to write "I used to be....but now...." as many times as they
choose. These are read without comment and followed by discussion of common threads.

1. Before the death, my biggest responsibility was . Today it's .

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2. Before the death, my most loved possession was _____. Today my most loved possession is
_____________.
3. Before the death, my biggest fear was _________. Today my biggest fear
is________________________________________________
4. What about you has changed lately without your permission?
5. If you could change how you were told of the death, what would you do differently?
6. How do other members of your family express their grief?
7. How do you feel when someone says, "I know just what you're going through?"
8. How has your success in school been influenced by this death?
9. If you could change parts of the funeral, what would you do differently?
10. Describe one of the most special sympathy cards or letters you received?
11. When you feel like expressing your grief, who do you choose to be with and why?
12. What advice have you received that was helpful for you in coping with your grief?
13. Anger is a common response to loss and grief. Give a recent example of such anger in your
life.
14. In what ways have your hopes and plans for the future changed as a result of the death?
15. Describe what it is like for you to visit the cemetery.
16. Complete this statement: "When I feel like crying, I . . . "
17. What advice would you give a funeral director or minister in terms of helping grieving
people, especially young people?

SESSION #6: CLOSURE

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OBJECTIVE: Students will be able to review what they have learned in group counseling.
Students will be able to know what stage they are in and will explain how to cope with the stage
they are. Students will also share a positive affirmation about themselves and others.
MATERIALS: Goal cards.
LESSON:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Group sign in
Review goals for group.
Go around the group and say one thing they have learned.
Be able to say one mechanism to cope.
Share something you like about yourself.
Go around the group and share a positive affirmation to group members.

A Simple Gift
Facilitators can give each participant a simple gift such as a smooth stone or a polished agate.
These stones can be infused with special powers by some sort of group ceremony. For instance,
each member of the class, in turn, passes his or her stone around the group. The other members
rub the stone and say something about the persons positive strengths or make a wish of good
fortune for the person

Things I Like About Myself

Participants can make two lists, Things I Like About Myself and Things That Others Like
About Me. Participants can be asked to look at each others list and add to each column. This
can be done in conjunction with the next exercise, Positive Bombardment.
Everyone in the group can say to a person, Heres how Ive seen you change For example:
You used to be very angry, and always wanted to get in fights. It seems you could only raise an
important issue if you were angry. Now I notice you can walk away from a fight and you can
ask for things without being angry. Some positive qualities people can look for are:
Gratitude, Tolerance, Being more honest, Expressing feelings, Being responsible to others

Positive Bombardment
In this exercise, each person in the group receives positive feedback from all the other members.
When it is a persons turn to receive feedback, he or she cannot respond in any way except to say
thank you to the person giving the feedback. The feedback can be very simple such as:
You have a good sense of humor.
Youre a caring, genuine person.
You are very honest.
I really appreciate how much you shared about yourself.

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Group Evaluation
I need to collect data to assess their improvement socially/personally and academically. By
checking their grades and behavior before and after the group will allow me to see the
effectiveness of the intervention. Additionally, it is also important to see the areas they remained
stagnant in to see how we can modify the group. Lastly, I will collect data on their attendance
and referrals for behavior. This will be pivotal to show to administration and demonstrate the
success of the group and need for it.

Appendix 1

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Dear Parent/Guardian, The counseling program at Southwest High School is designed to be

preventative and developmental. In addition to working with students individually and in the
classroom, we teach academic, career and personal/social skills in small group settings.
Your child, ________________________, has been recommended for our Support During
Deployment group that I will facilitate this year. I have met with your daughter/son and
explained the content and nature of the group. Groups are structured and goal focused. Students
will learn important life skills that will enhance their ability to succeed academically and socially
as well as cope with stressful situations. The group consists of eight sessions, meeting once a
week for approximately 50 minutes. During these sessions, we will be working on:
Coping with stress and self-care techniques
Family dynamics and responsibilities
Understanding changing emotions
Stages of deployment
Assessing media coverage of the war
Resources for support
Since counseling is based on a trusting relationship between counselor and student, all
information shared by group members is kept confidential except in certain situations in which
there is an ethical responsibility to limit confidentiality. If a student reveals information about
hurting herself/himself or another person, the parent will be notified. If you have any questions
or comments, please feel free to contact me. It is extremely important to us, that you be informed
of your childs activities. Please mark the bottom of this form to grant us permission to work
with your daughter/son in our group program. Thank you for your support in our mutual goal of
raising competent, healthy and successful children.
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Sincerely, Southwest High School Counselor

Check one and return to the counselor. _____ MY daughter/son may participate in this support
group.
_____ MY daughter/son may not participate in this support group.
Parent/guardian signature_______________________________________

(Consent form adopted from Orange Glen High School, School Counseling program)

Appendix 2

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References
Hawarth, R. (2011). Concepts and Controversies in Grief and Loss. Retrieved May 9, 2015, from
http://www.csub.edu/~rhewett/english99/Howarth.pdf
Auman, M. (2007). Bereavement support for children. Journal of School Nursing, 23(1), 3439.
(n.d.). Retrieved May 14, 2015, from
http://www.southtampatherapy.com/South_Tampa_Therapy/Articles__Self_Help_files/GRIEF
PACKET.pdf

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