Richelle Baisch

3/28/16

FHS-2400-404-Sp16
U4 Essay 1
OPTION D: ARE YOU READY?
Suppose your 21-year-old child or best friend came to you and asked the question, "How do you know if
you are ready for marriage?" How would you respond? If it will help, you may interview two other people
and list their answers in your paper. As you consider the factors predicting marital success, look at your
own past relationships. What factors, such as background, personality characteristics, and relationship
characteristics, might have predicted the quality of your relationship? Were any particular characteristics
especially important for you? Why?

I chose the essay; Are You Ready? I feel like this a topic I will soon be facing, as my children are leaning
more towards grown-ups than not. While I dont feel like Ive made great marital choices, I try treat my
children in a respectful and dignified way, because I dont want them to look outside the home for a
relationship to fill that void. I hope in-turn, they will choose a spouse that as well treats them with dignity
and respect.

Before marriage is even considered, I believe you need to know the answer to a lot of questions to base
your compatibility, and you need to make sure that theres no deal-breakers on the list.
Because I feel that you can find almost all the information you need on Pinterest (or Google), I searched
for questions to ask your future spouse and came upon a Blog called Family Home Evening Lessons and
Other Fun Things and found the following great questions. (I deleted some that arent as important to
me.)

3. Do you feel that God answers prayers?

4. Do you agree that the husband is the head of the family? Why or why not? What does it mean
for the husband to be the head?
6. Who is the first person you turn to when you have a problem?
7. What process do you use for decision making?
9. Do you think it is important for families to pray together?
10. What is your stance on movie ratings? Are there movies you will or will not watch because
of the ratings? What are some of your all-time favorite movies?
11. Are there any books you feel are inappropriate for adults to read?
12. What are your top ten favorite books? What books that you have read have you hated?

13. What kind of music do you like and dislike? Is there any music that you feel is inappropriate
to listen to?
17. Can you tell me some stories about your ancestors?
18. What does Sabbath day observance look like to you? What things do you feel are
inappropriate to do on the Sabbath? How do you prefer to spend your Sabbath?
19. What are your feelings about modesty? Do you think women have a responsibility to dress
modestly in order to help men control their thoughts and actions? What responsibilities do men
have concerning modesty?
20. Would you consider yourself to be shy about your body or an exhibitionist? Do you
anticipate being nervous about your future spouse seeing you naked for the first time?
21. What are your political views? Do you follow politics at all? How involved do you think a
person should be in politics?
22. Do you think political parties are a good thing or a bad thing? Which political party do you
belong to? Did you vote in the last election?
24. How do you feel about gun control laws? Would you like to have guns in your home or not?
If you did have guns in your home, how would you protect your family from accidents with
them?
25. What jobs did each of your parents typically assume around the house? Who did the cooking,
the cleaning, the yard work? Who took care of the cars? Who cleaned out the garage? Who was
in charge of home maintenance and repairs? Do you like the way your parents divided up the
work or would you change things in your own family?
26. Do you feel that the whole family should clean house together or should it be just the wifes
job?
27. Would you consider yourself to be a messy person or a neat freak? How much mess can you
tolerate by others that you live with?
28. What is your least favorite household chore to have to do? Which household chore do you
not mind doing?
29. Are you good at letting go of things you dont use or are you a pack rat? On a scale of 1 to
10, with 1 being a minimalist and 10 being a hoarder, where do you fall?
30. How big of a role should the Lords counsel play in both small and large decisions?
31. Is there anyone in your life who has done something to you for which you have never been
able to forgive him or her? If so, what? And why was it so hard to forgive?
33. What would you say are the three most important things for a parent to do for his or her
children?
34. How many children would you like to have if you could have your choice?
35. At what stage in your life would you prefer to begin having children?

36. How would you label your parents: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, or uninvolved?
Were they strict or lenient? Did they hover like a helicopter or give you free reign? Did your
parents act intuitively or intentionally? How did you feel about your parents parenting style?
What would you do differently when you are a parent?
37. How involved were your grandparents and other extended family in your life growing up?
Would you like your children to have that same amount of interaction with extended family or
more or less?
38. Did one of your parents stay home with the kids? Would you like the wife to be a stay at
home mom? How would you feel about the husband being the one to stay home?
39. Do you feel it is important for the wife to have an education?
40. Do you feel it is important for the wife to have a career? Why or why not?
41. How much did your parents work when you were growing up? Did you feel your parents
spent too much time at work or were you happy with the amount of time each parent had to
spend with the family?
42. What is your dream job? If you didnt have to worry about money, what job would you
choose? What career would you choose to support your family and why?
43. What jobs have you held in your lifetime? At what age did you begin working? Which jobs
have you liked best and which would you never want to do again?
44. Would you like your children to learn a second language? If so, how would you go about
enabling that to happen?
45. How did your family celebrate Christmas growing up? How many gifts did each child
receive and of what approximate value? Did you draw names for exchanging gifts between
family members or give to everyone? Did you spend the holidays with extended family or with
just immediate family?
46. How did your family celebrate other holidays such as Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween, and
the Fourth of July?
47. What traditions did your family have for holidays? Which of them would you like to
continue with your future family?
48. What traditions did your family have that didnt relate to holidays (daily, weekly, yearly,
cultural, religious, vacation, recreation, food related, school related, relationship, etc.)? What
traditions (those or others) would you like to have as a family?
49. Did you have family reunions with extended family on a regular basis? If so, what were those
gatherings like?
50. Who are your favorite extended family members and why?
51. How did your parents discipline you growing up? Do you agree with their philosophy or
would you do something different with your own children?
52. What were your parents attitudes about sex? Did they discuss it openly or was the subject
taboo? Did you get the feeling that your parents were happy with their sexual relationship or no?

53. Do you feel comfortable discussing sexual topics? Saying words related to sex and to sexual
anatomy?
54. Do you think each spouse has a right to demand sexual intimacy from the other? Who should
decide how often a couple is sexually intimate? Who should initiate intimacy?
55. Have you ever viewed pornography intentionally?
56. What are your feelings about birth control? Do you think it is right or wrong? What types of
birth control would you feel comfortable using, if any?
57. Should a couples sexual relationship be kept completely private or is it OK for one spouse to
discuss aspects of it with his or friends, siblings, or parents?
58. Is there anything you would like to tell me about any of your past relationships that I dont
already know?
59. Do you have any past sexual history? If so, please tell me about it in a non-detailed way.
How has your past sexual history affected your feelings about sexual intimacy?
60. Were your parents divorced or did you experience a blended family in any way? If so, how
did this affect your life?
61. Do you think that divorce is ever acceptable? If so, in what circumstances would it be
appropriate?
62. How close would you prefer to live to your parents and other family members? Would you
like to live in the same city as them if you could? Or would you prefer to be farther away? Why?
63. What would be your ideal city or area of the country to live in?
65. If your parents were ill or aging or otherwise in need, would you be open to them living with
you? Or would you prefer they lived in an assisted living facility?
66. Do you think abortion is permissible in cases of rape or incest? What about if the life of the
mother is endangered by the pregnancy?
67. What are your views on same sex attraction and homosexual lifestyle? How do you reconcile
Gods teachings with current political views about this subject?
68. Did you attend public school, private school, or home school? Which do you think is the
best?
69. How did your parents handle the finances in your home? Did they pool their money or keep
separate accounts? Who was in charge of paying the bills? Who did the taxes? Did you approve
of how they handled things or would you do things differently?
70. Do you consider yourself a spender or a saver and for what reasons?
71. Do you think it is acceptable to go into debt? If so, for what reasons?

72. How many credit cards, if any, do you feel it is good to own? When is it acceptable to use
them? Do you think it is permissible to carry debt on your credit cards or should the balance be
paid in full each month?
73. What level of purchase requires a joint decision between husband and wife? A $20 purchase?
$100? $1,000? Or only things such as a car or home?
74. Do you have any financial goals? If so, what are they?
75. How do you handle your income? Do you have a written budget? Do you set aside a certain
amount for savings? Or do you kind of fly by the seat of your pants?
76. What is something you are currently saving your money for?
77. Do you think it is important for a couple to be independent as far as finances, or do you think
it is OK to accept help from parents or others? Under what circumstances should a family seek
financial aid from the church or from the government?
78. What do you think is a reasonable portion of your income to spend on clothing? How about
entertainment? Home maintenance? Travel?
79. Do you think it is important to have a regular date night after you are married? If so, how
often? What portion of income should be allotted to it? Did your parents have a regular date
night? If so, what kinds of things did they do for their date?
80. What family vacations did you take growing up?
81. What is your idea of a dream vacation and how often in your life would you expect to have a
vacation like this? What kinds of vacations would you like to or expect to take on a regular
basis?
82. Would it ever be OK for spouses to take separate vacations?
83. How much time would you like to spend with your spouse on a regular basis? Would you
like to do everything together or would you like to have time for girls or guys nights out with
other friends? How much time did your parents spend with each other?
84. What would you say is a good number of friends for a person to have? Should couples only
be friends with other couples or is it OK for each spouse to have his or her own friends?
85. What kinds of things make you feel the most loved? Spending time together? Receiving
gifts? Talking and listening? Physical touch? Acts of service?
86. How do you feel about public displays of affection? Is it all right to kiss in front of others?
Hug? Is it important to compliment each other in front of others?
88. Would you say you came from a lower, middle, or upper class family? Would you be
comfortable living with a different level of income than your parents? How so?
89. Give a list of the absolute basic essentials to you. Would you be happy if you had just a small
apartment in a poorer section of town and enough food to eat with second hand clothes? Do you
need a large home? A large clothing budget? Money to travel? What things could you do without
and still be happy and what things do you absolutely need to feel secure?

90. Do you believe that marriage can be a happy and fulfilling relationship? Or do you fear it
will be fraught with difficulty?
91. Do you like to set goals for yourself? How good are you at accomplishing goals that you set?
Do you write them down or just think of them? Do you tell them to others or keep them private?
92. What are some of your long term and short term goals?
93. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 30 years?
94. What is your worst fear?
95. What is your fondest dream?
96. What is your most important desire?
97. Once married, do you think it is acceptable to maintain a friendship with a past girlfriend or
boyfriend? What about as Facebook friends? Why or why not?
98. Do you feel that it is wrong for a married person to hold onto letters or photos from past
boyfriends or girlfriends?
99. Do you think it is OK for a married person to have a friend of the opposite sex? If so, how
much contact should be allowed? Only talking at work? Going out to lunch? Phone calls?
100. Who was your best friend growing up? Why did you particularly like him or her and what
types of things did you enjoy doing together?
101. Would you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert? Why?
102. Do you like to go to parties or do you prefer one on one time with friends? How do you feel
about hosting parties?
103. Would you consider yourself to be a giver or a taker? Do you store up favors from others in
case you need to ask a favor of them in the future? Do you frequently ask favors of others
whether or not you have done anything for them? Are you uncomfortable asking favors of others
or do you find it easy to do?
104. Do you think that differences between spouses can complement each other or do you think
it is best to have as many similarities as possible?
105. What are some of your hobbies? Are there some hobbies you would like to develop?
106. Do you feel it is acceptable for one spouse to have a hobby that the other does not enjoy?
Would you be willing to participate in an activity that you did not enjoy in order to spend time
with your spouse? If so, how often would you be willing to do so?
107. What do you like most about me?
108. What do you like most about yourself? What do you like least about yourself?
109. Would you classify yourself as selfish or unselfish? Why and in what ways?
110. Are you a glass half empty or a glass half full type of person? Are you happy with the way
you are or would you like to change?

111. Would you classify yourself as jealous or trusting? Why? What experiences in your past
have made you the way you are?
112. What would you say are the five most important qualities in a friend? What are the five
most important qualities you are looking for in a spouse?
113. List three qualities that you absolutely would not want to have in your spouse.
114. How important do you think someones looks are? Do you think plastic surgery is right or
wrong?
115. How important is it to you to look your best? How much time do you spend getting ready in
the morning? Are you more comfortable dressed to the nines or wearing yoga pants/sweats?
116. How would you feel if your spouse gained weight after you were married? Would you still
be able to be attracted to him or her? Would you blame him or her? Would you try to help him or
her lose weight or leave them alone about it?
117. How much exercise do you like to get? Is it important for your spouse to exercise with you?
118. Do you like healthy food or junk food? Do you prefer to eat at home or eat out? What are
your favorite restaurants? What are your favorite foods?
119. Are there any foods that you will not or cannot eat?
120. Do you think it is important to eat dinner together as a family or do you prefer to let each
family member eat when it is convenient for them?
121. Do you enjoy cooking? What are some of your favorite things to make?
122. What dreams/plans do you have for your wedding? Would you like a big wedding or a
small one? How much money do you think it is appropriate to spend on a wedding? Is a wedding
primarily for the couple getting married or for the families?
123. What would you say is the perfect age at which to get married?
124. What kinds of medical problems have you dealt with in the past?
125. Do you have any allergies? Do your other family members have any?
126. Can you tell me about the medical history of your family? What kinds of medical problems
have your parents, siblings, and grandparents endured? Have any of them suffered any emotional
or mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc?
127. Have you or your parents ever suffered any physical, mental, or sexual abuse from family
members? What actions or words would you say constitute abuse?
128. How much of life do you think is foreordained or predetermined? Are we the master of our
own fates or is there another captain?
129. What are some of your pet peeves? Can you think of some things that would trigger anger
in you? Do you have difficulty controlling your anger at all?
130. Would you classify yourself as uptight or laid back? What examples from your life make
you feel that you are this way?

131. Do you think it is acceptable for couples to argue? If arguments do occur, what kinds of
statements or actions should be off limits? Is it OK to argue in front of the children? How did
your parents handle arguments with one another?
132. When it comes to relationships, do you tend to avoid conflict at all costs or face it head on?
133. When you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or comforted? Do you like to
have someone brainstorm to help you solve problems or do you prefer just a listening ear and
understanding without the other person volunteering solutions?
134. Do you find it difficult to apologize or is it easy for you? Do you think it is important for
both people to apologize after an argument or should only one person apologize? Do you think
couples should take turns apologizing or should it just be the person who is at fault? Do you
think it is important to be the first person to apologize after an argument?
135. What is important to you in an apology? Is it mainly the words, the tone of voice, gestures,
gifts, acts of service, restitution?
136. List your top items that help you relieve stress.
137. What did you like best about your parents relationship with one another? What did you like
least?
138. What is your definition of love? Do you feel there are different types of love?
139. How do you best communicate love to those around you and to those most important to
you?
140. Do you like pets? Did you have any pets growing up? Would you like to own pets in the
future? If so, what kinds?
141. Do you think it is important for children to receive vaccinations/immunizations? Or would
you refuse them for your children?
142. How much television do you like to watch? Do you watch it on Sunday? Do you think it is a
good idea to have a television in a marital bedroom?
143. What kinds of programs do you enjoy on television?
144. Do you think of your home as a castle with an impenetrable fortress to protect your family
or as a gathering place where all are welcome?
145. What is the ideal temperature at which to keep your thermostat? Do you prefer to be
comfortable temperature wise or to save money on your utility bills even if it means being
uncomfortable?
146. How important to you is your car? Do you keep it clean and well maintained? Do you
dream of owning a certain make and model of car? Do you think it is important to buy cars new
or used? If you had unlimited funds, would you buy a luxury car such as a Rolls Royce or
Ferrari?
147. How much time each day do you spend using technology? What do you typically spend
your computer time doing?

148. Do you think it is important to own the newest and best model of cell phone or are you fine
with an inexpensive or out of date phone?
149. Do you prefer to e-mail and text or to talk face to face?
150. Are you a morning person or a night owl? How much sleep do you like to get each night?
151. If you could design the perfect day for yourself, how would you spend it? What would you
do? What would you wear? What would you eat? Who would you be with? Where would you
spend it?
152. How important is it to you to have fun in life? What percentage of your time should be
occupied by recreation? Do you prefer to work, to learn, or to relax?
153. How do you like to celebrate your birthday? What birthday traditions did your family have?
What birthday traditions would you like to implement with your future family?
154. What is the best gift you have ever received? What is the best one you have ever given?
155. What person has most influenced your life for the good? What person would you most like
to emulate and why?
156. List the things in your life that you are most grateful for.
157. What has been your greatest challenge in life? How has this challenge helped you to grow?
158. Are you a visual learner, an auditory learner, or do you prefer tactile or hands on learning?
159. When seeking information, do you first consult the internet, a library, a trusted friend, or a
professional?
160. Would you consider yourself to be primarily logical or emotional? Which do you use to
make decisions? Do you find yourself reacting to situations using gut instinct or logical thought
processes?
Now Im not saying that you need to sit down and grill your significant other. But if youve
dated for a year, like Im hoping my kids at least do, at the end of the year youll know the
answer to most of these questions if theres open communication.