Let Go and Let Love: A Gals Guide to the Universe!

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms to
choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way.
Viktor E. Frankl, neuroscientist, psychiatrist, concentration camp survivor

Dedication
This book is dedicated to the people who have loved me through thick and thin.
To my parents and my Nana and Papa who have been there to help pick up my broken
pieces and who took me in when I had nowhere else to go. This book is dedicated to
those friends whom I have had many late night conversations filled with bubbling
laughter and excited exchanges of hopes and dreams. To the men whom I trusted to
see me naked and loved every inch of me. You have helped mold me into the sexually
confident woman that I am today. To my dear boyfriend, Tom who has loved me at my
worst and praised me at my best. To my brother David, who has adored me since we
were wee children when I bullied him into submission. For this, I am deeply sorry. To my
dear aunt Linda and Beryl for your late night advice and cherished kept secrets. To my
lovely cousins who have inspired and encouraged me to aspire to be my very best. To
you dear beautiful soul that is reading this. Thank you for being my muse. To love and
loss, victory and defeat and to you dear Jesus for loving me and saving my sweet and
tortured soul. Thank you all and may God continue to always bless and keep you!
~Namaste~

My Struggle is My Strength
5/25/2015
The Greatest Love of All

People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy
of love and belonging. Thats it. (Dr. Brene Brown) What a beautiful quote! This
message of hope and inspiration was taken from a Ted Talk inspirational video that a
close friend of mine sent me. Dr. Brene Brown is a vulnerability researcher who is taking
the message public that it is in our vulnerability that we find joy and strength. She
challenges her audiences to be seen, to show their emotions and communicate how
they truly feel to others. I cant think of any two more vulnerable situations as being
depressed and falling in love.
When you are depressed you dont feel any sense of love or belonging
whatsoever. You feel like youve been stripped of your soul, of your very essence. You
are vulnerable in every sense of the word because you are dissecting yourself down to
your tiniest cuticle. You loathe and reject everything you are and your body reflects this
weight. When I had clinical depression I became slow and lethargic to the point where I
didnt get out of bed, not even to eat or to drink. I felt so unworthy that when I was with a
group of potential new friends I would rag on, degrade and berate myself severely. It
was a horrible, miserable, alienating experience. We, as human beings, cannot thrive in
alienation. I read in an ecology book that human genes actually alter and we build
weaker immunities when we are alienated or separated from fellow human contact for
an extended period of time. This is why solitary confinement is considered such a
severe form of punishment. (Francis Moore Lappe) We need others in order to survive.
I cant believe that I allowed the opinion of one single male to alter my perception of
myself so severely.
I so desperately wanted to be liked and have a boyfriend that I pursued a really
low-mentality minded individual when I was a senior in high school. I was eighteen and
never had a boyfriend. I knew I wasnt ugly, I just felt like I was so different that no guy
would want to pursue me. Besides that I had a ton of pimple and acne scars on my face
that made me less attractive. When I started to talk to and get to know my ex, I was
elated to have someone finally take interest in me. I was new and vulnerable to love, I
was still forming my ideas of what love should look and feel like. I wanted all the love
and passion and romance that I saw on TV and in movies. I craved romantic attention
and found it in the wrong person. When he ultimately broke up with me for his hotter
ex-girlfriend, I broke up with myself. Its as if the fragile self-esteem I did have was
shattered. I started to reject myself, everything I valued, everything that made me- me. I
deemed myself unworthy of being among people. I would be carrying on a conversation
with a peer all the while telling myself that the person didnt really like me and wanted
nothing to do with me. This negative, self- destructing behavior did not end well. It
resulted in my leaving college to crumple up in a catatonic heap on my bed. A slave,
held captive by my negative thoughts and hopeless attitude towards life. My love for

myself, my desire to even exist, was erased and proved to elude me for quite some
time.
I had to learn to love myself again. I had to regain my self-worth to ultimately
recover from this great tragedy- the loss of myself. It was a difficult and painful process,
filled with much frustration and tears. From a vulnerable stand point I had to learn to
trust and love myself from the ground up. I sought out group therapy and medication.
Being around positive people, positive affirmations and learning to love myself again
helped me to get out of this rut. It took a community, a sense of belonging again to
rekindle my love for myself and regain my footing and sense of purpose. I found this
sense of community in my fragile state amongst new friends while in a day treatment
center in a group therapy process. Forming new friendships, making jokes and getting
plenty of exercise and nutritious food re-awoke me to myself once again. My best friend
Kaleigh and I bonded over our idea of which animal we would want to transform into.
When I described my symptoms to her she simply said Wow! That must be so
frustrating and very difficult. Knowing that I have a friend that I can turn to and who
understands me is worth all the therapists in the world. She later went on to surmise me
experience with depression: so you loved yourself originally, but then you had a bout of
depression which deflated that, and then you built your love back slowly? Indeed that
was my journey to worthiness. It was a slow ascent from the fogged spell I was under,
but I emerged and blossomed once again. And the day came when the risk to remain
tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.(Anais Nin) It became
more painful to stay a bud than to blossom into a flower as Anais Nin so eloquently
referred to the process of self-evolution.
My friendships with my church sisters and community of support I have built from
doing recovery programs has helped me to grow in amazing ways. My friends are there
for me when I am frustrated, hurting or confused. They listen to me and help me sort out
my feelings. They hold my secrets and dont judge me for being flawed. You find that
being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure thats so real it
scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul
mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and
worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your
life. (Bob Marley) My most recent former boyfriend is a healing comfort in my life. He
knows everything about me and loves me anyway. He knows all about my battle with
depression and my dedication to maintain a positive attitude regardless of the situation.
Allowing someone to love you requires one to be open, raw honest and vulnerable to
ones significant others reactions. I am fortunate to claim that he made me feel like the
luckiest girl in the world! I had never been so happy or felt so at peace then when I was
with him. Unfortunately, he decided that he did not want to have kids or be a father. It is
my dream to open up a group home and foster at least eight children. The vision for our
futures is incompatible. We both cried when we broke up. Tom is nothing like the boy
that initially broke my heart. He is warm and kind, my first boyfriend was cold, distant
and callous. Tom has high integrity, is drug and alcohol free and makes me laugh. My ex
lied, cheated and stole and drank heavily as well as smoked pot. Tom values, cherishes
and deeply respects me. I love each boy differently. With my ex I was guarded, selfcritical and one edge. I am so relaxed with Tom, I trust him completely. When he looks

at me I feel like I am a beautiful angel. My ex-boyfriend took advantage of my kindness,

used me for car rides to school and about town and told me I didnt dress hot enough.
My friend Tom is there for me no matter the time or the hour. He drove me home from
the hospital and held my hand when I was in a car accident. He drove over to my house
at 2 am when I couldnt sleep just to hold my hand and calm me down. Tom is loyal,
loving and reliable.
Juxtaposed to each other Tom outshines my ex by a mile and beyond! I no longer
give my ex a second thought. The scars he left upon my soul have completely healed. I
cant believe what an immense improvement I have made in terms of my love life. My
whole, complete love life. In the words of the late and great Whitney Huston learning to
love your-self is the greatest love of all. Graduating from college, working with the
GIFT Peer Specialist program, and getting multiple job offers combined with the love
and support of my boyfriend have propelled me to the top. I have come a long way.
However, I still have a long way to go. Only now, I wont be alone. I am loved, I belong
and I am strong!

The Love of Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the
education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what
other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or
skill. It will make or break a company a church a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will
embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past we cannot change the fact that people will act in a
certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the
one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what
happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you we are in charge of
our Attitudes. Chuck Swindoll, pastor, author

What is your attitude barometer? Is it steaming and flirty? Is it boiling with passion or
anger? Is it cold from a dark heart that has given up? Or is it sunny and full of optimism
without a cloud in the sky?

How do others impact your attitude?

What and who is helping your attitude? Who is hurting it?

If you keep up your current attitude, where will you be in a year? In five years?

Does your attitude benefit or hurt those around you?

We can all benefit from developing a good attitude. Even those who have a naturally
sunny disposition can always improve and learn to cope and manage the pitfalls that life
will inevitably throw their way. Learn to witness and step back and observe your
thoughts. Recognize that they are merely thoughts, even the negative stinkin thinking
that we all harbor from time to time. They have no power over you unless you give it
space to attach to you!
In order to have the best attitude possible develop an attitude of gratitude. I
recommend a gratitude journal where you write down every little thing you can be
grateful for even if its today I walked on my own two legs and breathed some fresh air!
You cant be angry or upset when you are being thankful to our Lord for all that he has
blessed you with! Keep a love list and find yourself attracting more love into you life. In
order to keep up this bubble of positivity it is imperative that you surround yourself with
positive people who will only bring you higher! Get rid of those negative Nancys. You
dont need their toxic attitudes clouding up your sunshine! Speaking of sunshine, get out
and soak up that vitamin D! Just being in nature is so grounding and therapeutic! I enjoy
going on long walks in the woods alongside rivers and lakes. Some days I even dip in
my toes! Also spend time around babies or young children. Their youthful wonder will
feed your spirit as well as pets of any size and shape! Be willing to help others. It is said
that it is in the giving that we receive. Nothing could be more true! Lastly, remember to
smile even when you dont feel like it and always be willing to be the first one to laugh at
yourself. You will never regret lightening up, it reduces stress and allows for a more
relaxed atmosphere. Heres to some positive attitudes!
Positive mantras/ affirmations include:
I am a daughter of the Christ the king! I am a beautiful princess!
I am loved and I belong!

Today I release the need to be right and chose to be grateful instead!

I am turning this situation over to you Lord, thank you for easing my burden!
Gods got my back!
I am wonderful because I was created by God. I am enough!
I am free to be me!
I forgive those who have hurt me and find myself set free!
I love and approve myself! (Louise Hay)
I accept myself exactly as I am!
I am grateful for all that I have!

What is Peace?
When I first thought of a peaceful society, the image of the cartoon movie about
the utopian city of El Dorado came to mind. The mystical El Dorado was a paradise; a
fertile city laden with gold and abundance. Peace means prosperity, harmony, freedom.
Peace feels like the joyful, free feeling you get when you step outside on a beautiful
summer's day, the birds chirping as children play safely in the tree-lined neighborhood
streets. Peace is the complete absence of fear. You can take people at face value
because they are honest and friendly. The store clerk asks you how your day is and is
generally interested and concerned for your well-being. There is no poverty or threat of
violence, no racism, no hatred. It is the superficial Pleasantville of the 1950s. The
movie, The Truman Show, staring Jim Carrey, followed the life of one man living in an
idyllic, artificial environment. He had no concept of the outside world, crime, war or
disease. Once he discovered the existence of an alternate reality, he had to face the
shocking truth that his life was nothing but a faade, built on lies. Yet, he optimistically

met the demise of the peace of his perfect life with a cheerful, good morning! And in
case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" This quote
illustrates the optimism and fortitude of spirit needed to rebuild a sense of peace after a
catastrophic event or war.
An old definition of leadership is 'a leader is someone who has followers.' My
internship, The Center for Student Leadership (CSL), redefines leadership with its
principle that "a leader is someone who empowers other leaders." CSL believes a true
leader is not surrounded by followers, but by other leaders. It is in this democratic
fashion that revolutions are born. Take, for example, the American Revolution. Great
minds such as Thomas Paine, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and Samuel
Adams, not to mention a myriad of others such as Paul Revere, George Washington
and John Hancock, all came together to create our free nation. Part of my favorite quote
taken from Marianne Williamson and Nelson Mandela proclaims,
...you are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around
you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory
of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our
own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we
are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Peace
requires both teamwork and conscious effort.
Abraham Lincoln once said a nation divided against it-self cannot stand"
(Republican nomination speech). Peace is a collaborate effort that requires both
leaders and citizens to take ownership for their actions and commit to live in harmony
with one another. The more we sweat in peace the less we bleed in war.(Vijaya
Lakshmi Pandit) We are capable of peace, but we must start practicing it within our
homes if we are to carry it out into society. John Lennon and Paul McCartney, noted
leaders of the free-loving, yet angry- when-organized-against-the-war, hippie movement
once said in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make (The End, The
Beatles). Personally, and with all sincerity, I believe that Jesus was the ultimate hippie.
He preached a message of love thy neighbor as thy self and encouraged his followers
to live at peace amongst themselves as an act of worship to the sovereign God they

serve. So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one
another (Romans 14:9). As the Prince of Peace, Jesus commended those who worked
toward maintaining a peaceful environment, blessed are the peacemakers: for they
shall be called the children of God (Matthew 5:9). I believe that peace can be achieved
if we all truly embraced Jesuss message of love and are committed and encouraged to
settle our differences in a civil manner.

The Chapters are as follows:

Chapter 1: Introduction- My Struggle is My Stength Greatest Love of All story
Chapter 2: The Love of Attitude
Chapter 3: The Love of Exercise
Chapter 4: Love On ROMANTIC Relationships
Chapter 5: Love On FRIENDSHIP Relationships
Chapter 6: Love On the Finance Factor
Chapter 7: Love On God and the Intricacies of the Universe
Chapter 8: Love On Music
Chapter 9: Love On Overcoming Obstacles
Chapter 10: Love On Diversity
Chapter 11: Love On Q&A