CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: My Struggle is My Strength...6

CHAPTER 2: The Love of Attitude10
CHAPTER 3: The Love of Exercise17
CHAPTER 4: Love On Romantic Relationships24
CHAPTER 5: Love On Friendship Relationships42
CHAPTER 6: Love On the Finance Factor51

CHAPTER 7: Love On God and the Intricacies of the Universe56

CHAPTER 8: Love On Music62

CHAPTER 9: Love On Overcoming Obstacles70
CHAPTER 10: Love On Diversity76
CHAPTER 11: Love On Q&A82

CHAPTER 1: My Struggle is My Strength

The Greatest Love of All
People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and
belonging. Thats it. -Dr. Brene Brown
What a beautiful quote! This message of hope and inspiration was taken from a Ted Talk
inspirational video that a close friend of mine sent me. Dr. Brene Brown is a vulnerability
researcher who is taking the message public that it is in our vulnerability that we find joy and
strength. She challenges her audiences to be seen, to show their emotions and communicate
how they truly feel to others. I cant think of any two more vulnerable situations than being
depressed or falling in love.
When you are depressed you dont feel any sense of love or belonging whatsoever. You
feel like youve been stripped of your soul, of your very essence. You are vulnerable in every
sense of the word because you are dissecting yourself down to your tiniest cuticle. You loathe
and reject everything you are and your body reflects this weight. When I had clinical
depression, I became slow and lethargic to the point where I didnt get out of bed, not even to
eat or to drink. I felt so unworthy that when I was with a group of potential new friends I would
rag on, degrade, and berate myself severely. It was a horrible, miserable, alienating experience.
We, as human beings, cannot thrive in alienation. I read in a college textbook that human genes
actually alter and we build weaker immunities when we are alienated or separated from fellow
human contact for an extended period of time. This is why solitary confinement is considered
such a severe form of punishment. (Francis Moore Lappe) We need others in order to survive.
Yet, I cant believe that I allowed the opinion of one single male to alter my perception of myself
so severely.
I so desperately wanted to be liked and have a boyfriend that I pursued a really lowminded individual when I was a senior in high school. I was eighteen and never had a
boyfriend. I knew I wasnt ugly, I just felt like I was so different that no guy would want to
pursue me. Besides that, I had some pimple and acne scars on my face that made me feel less
attractive. When I first started to talk to and get to know my now ex-boyfriend, I was elated to
have someone finally take an interest in me. I was new and vulnerable to love; I was still forming
my ideas of what love should look and feel like. I wanted all the love and passion and romance
that I saw on TV and in movies. I craved romantic attention and found it in the wrong person.
When he ultimately broke up with me for his hotter ex-girlfriend, I broke up with myself. Its
as if the fragile self-esteem I did have was shattered. I started to reject myself, everything I
valued, everything that made me, me. I deemed myself unworthy of being among people. I
would be carrying on a conversation with a peer all the while telling myself that the person
didnt really like me and wanted nothing to do with me. This negative, self- destructing
behavior did not end well. It resulted in my leaving college to crumple up in a catatonic heap on

my bed. A slave, held captive by my negative thoughts and hopeless attitude towards life. My
love for myself, my desire to even exist, was erased and proved to elude me for quite some time.
I had to learn to love myself again. I had to regain my self-worth to ultimately recover
from this great tragedy- the loss of myself. It was a difficult and painful process, filled with
much frustration and tears. From a vulnerable stand point I had to learn to trust and love myself
from the ground up. I sought out group therapy and medication. Being around positive people,
positive affirmations and learning to love myself again helped me to get out of this rut. It took a
community, a sense of belonging again to rekindle my love for myself and regain my footing and
sense of purpose. I found this sense of community in my fragile state amongst new friends
while in a day treatment center in a group therapy process. Forming new friendships, making
jokes and getting plenty of exercise and nutritious food re-awoke me to myself once again. My
best friend Kaleigh and I bonded over our idea of which animal we would want to transform
into. When I described my symptoms to her she simply said Wow! That must be so frustrating
and very difficult. Knowing that I have a friend that I can turn to and who understands me is
worth all the therapists in the world. She later went on to summarize my experience with
depression: so you loved yourself originally, but then you had a bout of depression which deflated that,
and then you built your love back slowly? Indeed that was my journey to worthiness. It was a
slow ascent from the fogged spell I was under, but I emerged and blossomed once again. And
the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to
blossom (Anais Nin). It became more painful to stay a bud than to blossom into a flower as
Anais Nin so eloquently referred to the process of self-evolution.
The friendships with my church sisters and the community of support I have built from
doing recovery programs has helped me to grow in amazing ways. My friends are there for me
when I am frustrated, hurting or confused. They listen to me and help me sort out my feelings. I
cant believe what an immense improvement I have made in terms of my love life. My whole,
complete love life. In the words of the late and great Whitney Huston, learning to love yourself
is the greatest love of all. Graduating from college, working with the GIFT Peer Specialist
program, and getting multiple job offers combined with the love and support of good friends
have propelled me to the top. I have come a long way. However, I still have a long way to go.
Only now, I wont be alone. I am loved, I belong and I am strong!