TheUnknownScars

SirindaYingumnuay
I
.
IwasbannedfromtheentireclassbyMaywhenIwastenyearsold.Shewastheclass
leader,andalltheclassmatesobeyedher.Noonehelpedme,justseeingshedraggedmedownto
thefloor.Andunderthere,mywholeworldchanged.
ThecrisishappenedwhenteacherarrangedmyseatnexttotheboynamePor.Heisa
friendlypersonandeasilytointeract.Iliketotalkwithhimasafriend,buttheconversation
usuallyjusttookabout510minutesbeforetheclassstartedinthemorning.However,maybe
becausewehavethesamenicknamesound,whichisaPsound,sootherpeopleliketomakefun
ofusbysayingthatIlikehimorHelikeme.Thiswasannoyingtomealittlebit,butPorsaidhe
wasfinewithitwhenIaskedhim.Therefore,Iletthemspokewhatevertheywantedbecauseit
wasworthlesstoarguewiththemaseveryoneknewthattheywerejustteasing.
However,thiswasnotincludedMay.Istartedtorealisethatsheseemhatedmebecause
shecameandtalkedtomeinasarcasticway.Forinstance,Mayhadaskedmeaboutmyfeeling
whenIwassittingbesidePor.Iansweredherasatruththathewasagoodfriend,butsheseem
notsatisfywiththat.Maylookedawayandproppedupbeforeshesaidlightlytotheatmosphere,
shameless.Additionally,shethreatenedmeterribleaftertheconversation.Sometimesshelied
tohomeroomteachertomakemegetintrouble,suchasshetoldtheteacherthatIhadabad
behavior,Ibulliedher,orIstoleherstuff.Luckilythattherewasnoevidence,sonoonebelieved
her.

MaykeptdoingthesethingsforaboutahalfyearbeforePortoldmeinfrontofthe
classroomthathelikedmeinthelastdayofsemesterone.Maywasthere,and,shestaredatme
fortheanswerwhilePorseyesalsolookedatme.So,Imadeadecisiontorunawaybecauseit
wastoofrustratedatthattime.However,IfIknewthatthingswillgetworse,Iwillnoteverdo
thatforsure.
ThefirstdayofthesecondsemesteristhedaythatMaycompletelybannedme.She
wasinfrontoftheclassroomandpointherfingeraroundwhileorderingpeople.Everybody
completelyscaredofherbecauseMayseemscrazy.ShesaidthatPrimisnotworthtobefriend
withyourguys,evenbuffalostillbetterthanher,thissentencehitmesohard.Iwascrying
inside.Itwaslikeaknifestabbedintomyheartdeeply.Itwasnotbleedingasmyfacewas
emotionless.Itriedtorefusealltheaccusation,butnoneofthewordscomingfrommymouth.
Onthatday,IrealisedthatIwascompletelyabandoned.Itwaslikeeveryonejustwatchingme
fromtheabovewhenIwasfallingintotheground.Noneofthemhelpedme,evenmybest
friend,andevenPor.Theyallbetrayed.
Nevertheless,Iknewthattheywerecruel,buttheywerealsoruthless.Theypretended
thatourclasswasgoodwhentheteacherwasthere,andbelikeamonsterwhenshegone.I
couldntbelievethatthiswassomethingthatprimarystudentsdid.Additionally,allIcoulddo
wastoendureitforthreeyears.Iwasnotabletotellanyonebecausetherewasnoonelistento
me.Theteacherdidntbelievemeatallbecauseshesawthosebrokenvividfromthefake
reality.Myparentsalsonotbelievedmebecausetheythoughtitwasallinmyhead.Therefore,
whenIwaslikelytogotosecondaryschool,IaskedmyfathertomovemetoEnglishprogram

instead.IgavehimareasonthatIwanttoimprovemyEnglish,butfromthebottomofmyheart,
thetruthwasIdidntwanttoseethemanymore.

II
.
Stopscreaming,Bitch!Hewasyellingatmewhenhishandcoveredmymouth.He
triedtopullmetotheupstairs,butmyhandsheldthehandrailverytight.Myeyeswelledup
withtearsassomeofitwerefallingtohitonmyface.Allthevisionwasblurred,excepthisface,
whosewasmyboyfriendthatIhadbeenwithhimfortwoyears.
Liuwasaseniorwhowasolderthanmefouryears.Hehadagoodlookingandvery
popularinschool.Withoutmaturity,Ieasilyfeltinlovewithhimduetohisattractiveandsweet
tonguedpersonality.Additionally,afterhedangledaroundmeforoneyears,heaskedmetobe
hisgirlfriendwhenIwas14yearsold,whichIacceptedit.Icouldsaythateverythingwas
perfect.HealwaysreconciledmeeverythingevenIwaswrong.Weseemlovingeachothervery
much,andeverybodyjealousofmethathadhimasaboyfriend.
However,asthepeoplesaidthatSweettimeissoshort,hestartedtochangeinayear
later.Hebegantoreplylately,disappear,andhangoutatnightallthetime.IfItextedhima
message,hewouldbesentitbackonthenextday.Thiscausedmetobeupsetandawareofhim
becausehewasalreadyintheuniversity,whereIcouldntkeephimonmyeyesightallthetime.
So,IstalkedhimfrommanyapplicationssuchasFacebook,Line,andWhatsapp.Iwasshocked
bythequantityofwomenwhohechattedwith,whichwasatleast20ofthem.Iknewatthattime
thathecheatedonmeforalongtime.
Withoutthinkingofanything,IcalledhimthatIwouldliketobrokeupwithhimbecause
thiswasunacceptable.However,hetoldthathewasnotgoingtobreakupwithmeandaskedfor

asecondchancebecauseitwasthefirsttimethathewasdoingwrong.Becauseoflove,Igave
himwhatheaskedfor.Hence,wewerestillintherelationshipuntilthenextyear,whenwas
goingtobemydarkestpartoflife.
Afterwehadtriedtoholdthisrelationship,IknewthatIcouldntendureanymore.
Sinceheaskedforasecondchance,hedidntchangehisbehavioratall.Icametothehighest
pointoftolerancewhenoneofhispartnerscalledmeatnight.ShetoldmethatLiuwaswithher,
andhewashers.So,IrepliedherthatIgavehimtoherbecauseIdidntwanthimanymore.Icut
offthephonecallwithabadtemper.However,IstilllookedatthescreenwhichfinallyIcan
onlysawthecurtainoftears.Iopeneditagain,andsenthimamessagethatwebreakup.
Liucalledmeonthenextdayandtoldmethatitwasanaccident.Hewasdrunk,and
shewasjusthisfriend.Heseemsdisgustingtomeatthattime.So,IrepliedhimstronglythatI
needhimtogetoutofmylife.Afterthat,hesilencedfor20secondsbeforehesaidthatIfI
wantedtobreakupwithhimsobad,Ineededtosaythistohiminperson.Thispissedmeoff
becauseofhisvoiceatthattimestressedmynervesomuch.So,Imadeawordtomethimin
person.
Iwenttohiscurrentuniversityatthattime,buthetoldmeatthelastminutethathewant
metowalktohisapartment.Otherwise,hewillnotbreakupwithme.So,Iwalkthereashesent
meamap.WhenIarrivedthere,Isawhimwalkeddownfromthestairs.Hecamecloselytome
andinvitedmetogotohisroombecausehedidntwanttotalkhere.Atthattime,Isoonrealised
thatitwasatrap.IwasshakingmyheadleftandrightbeforeIquicklysaidwebrokeupand
goodbye.Suddenly,whenIwasgoingtowalkaway,hepulledmebacktothestairsandforced
metogoupthere.Iscreamedandfoughthim,butheslappedonmyface.AsIwasconfusedand

shocked,hecoveredmymouthwiththatnastyhands,soIcantscream.Iwouldnotgiveup.
Hence,Isteppedonhisfeetandbithishandthatmadehimtotallypanicked.
Itriedtoscreamforhelpandrandownfromthestairs,buthepinchedmyhairandpulled
meback.Afterwehadattackedforawhile,someoneheardmyvoice.Thatterribleguyslooked
back,soItookachancetopunchedhisface.Hewasblurredforasecond.Finally,thosepeople
randownandhelpedme,soLiukickedmetogetoutofhiswaybeforeheranoutofthe
apartment.Therefore,theygavemeahandtohelpmetostand,Theyalsoaskedmetogoto
policestation.IdeniedtheirgoodwillbecauseIdidntwantthistobeabigproblem.Iknewthat
Iwasstupidtohavethatkindofdecision,butallIwantatthattimewastogobackhome.
Afterthiswasended,Liunevercontactsmeanymore.However,mynightmaredidnt
end.Iwassufferingfrommentaldisorderofhavingaphobiaofbeingattacked.Iwasafraidof
everymanatthattime,includedmyfatherandbrother.EvennowitwasalotbetterbecauseI
almostsawthisstoryasanexperience,butsometimesIstillfeelscaredofthem.Thethingisbad
peopledidntwriteontheirfacethattheywerebad,soIcannottrustanyone.
Inevertoldthesestoriestomyfamily.First,noonebelievedmesincetheyrefusedto
believemewhenItoldthemthatIwasbanned.Second,Ineededtimetohealmywoundfrom
therepetitionofbetrayed.Third,Irealisedthatitwasahumannature.Evenwearethemost
intelligentcreatureontheearth,butitseemslikemostofusrarelytousethatunique
characteristic.Ifoundoutthatitwasourinstincttohurtothers.Itcouldbebecausetheyjust
wanttocomfortthemselves,orbehappyfromdraggingotherdowntotheirlevel.Ourjealous
wasneverendedasourdemandswereneverlimited.So,thiswhythesethingsarekeeping
happeningoverandoveragain.Thisthoughtmightbejustanopinionfromhallucinatedgirl,but

dontyouthinkthatthisworldismuchcruelerthanitis?Myperspectiveonthisworldwillnot
bethesamebecauseeverythingisleavingthescarsinmyheartandtheyallfusedinme.Iam
tiredoftryingtounderstandthosepeopleintheworld.Nomatterhowmuchtheywanttohurt
meinthefuture,Iwillremindmyselfthatitisahumannature.