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Get Out of Your Way

Get Out of Your Way

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Publicado porshurrsuccess
Self sabotage is what keeps you from getting what you want in life and maintaining it. Most people know what to do, they just aren't following through. Other books tell you what to do. This book shows you how to do it!

Get a "mental makeover" and drastically improve your health, money, relationships, and self image. If you have ever felt like your own worst enemy, this book is your solution!

This doesn't offer positive thinking. It shows you how to emotionally re-program yourself to feel secure, focused, and motivated! You will get a crash course in emotional mastery and it will totally transform the way you approach life!

Get this book today, read it, and break free from self sabotage! Your life and dreams are waiting. Go get them now...
Self sabotage is what keeps you from getting what you want in life and maintaining it. Most people know what to do, they just aren't following through. Other books tell you what to do. This book shows you how to do it!

Get a "mental makeover" and drastically improve your health, money, relationships, and self image. If you have ever felt like your own worst enemy, this book is your solution!

This doesn't offer positive thinking. It shows you how to emotionally re-program yourself to feel secure, focused, and motivated! You will get a crash course in emotional mastery and it will totally transform the way you approach life!

Get this book today, read it, and break free from self sabotage! Your life and dreams are waiting. Go get them now...

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Published by: shurrsuccess on Aug 09, 2010
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Sections

  • Chapter One
  • Chapter Two
  • Chapter Three
  • Chapter Four
  • Chapter Five
  • Chapter Six
  • Chapter Seven
  • Chapter Eight
  • Chapter Nine
  • Chapter Ten
  • Chapter Eleven
  • Chapter Twelve
  • Chapter Thirteen
  • Chapter Fourteen
  • Chapter Fifteen
  • Chapter Sixteen
  • Chapter Seventeen
  • Chapter Eighteen
  • Chapter Nineteen
  • Chapter Twenty
  • Chapter Twenty-One
  • Chapter Twenty-Two
  • Chapter Twenty-Three
  • Chapter Twenty-Four
  • Chapter Twenty-Five
  • Chapter Twenty-Six

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How to Eliminate Self-Sabotage
and Win Your Life
Tim Shurr, MA
Sure Success Publishing
1000 E 80
th
Place, Ste 210
Merrillville, IN 46410
1-877-944-4673
Copyright ! 2009 by Tim Shurr, MA
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form.
Cover design by Kathy Onorato Tully
Author Photograph by Foto Impressions
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Shurr, Tim, date.
Get out of your way.
ISBN 978-0-578-04544-3
Disclaimer: This book is intended for self-help, personal development, and
educational purposes. The publisher and author are not responsible for what
you do with this information. As always, if you need professional mental health
services, please contact your local providers.
./.0123045
This book is dedicated to you, the reader. It gives you solid, practical
answers to questions few people have been able to answer for you. After
reading this book, you will be stronger both mentally and emotionally,
and from this, my hope is that you become the best you can be. If enough
people can mature and act from a place of security and love perhaps
we can defeat the dis-ease of insecurity, fear, and greed. Let’s make this
world a better place for ourselves, our children, and theirs.
As always, there are some special souls I would like to thank. First
and foremost, I must thank my phenomenal wife, Stacey, for all her
incredible patience, guidance, understanding, boldness, and strength as
I personally figured out the lessons in this book. To this day, she is still the
most wonderful person I have ever met.
I want to thank my two sons Max and Aiden, who have given me more
love and laughter than any man deserves. I love you both dearly.
I also want to thank Scott McFall. He is my coach and friend. Scott
is one of those rare individuals that enters your life and transforms
it. His insights into human behavior are profound and his convictions
towards helping people grow, mature, and succeed are superb. It is
directly because of Scott that I have been able to become a better
husband, father, and leader. Who knows how much more time I would
have wasted if Scott had not come into my life. In this book I will talk
about the importance of having a coach. As I wrote that chapter, I
thought of mine.
I must also thank Anthony Robbins. He is, by far, the most motivating
man I have ever met. I’ve studied Tony’s material for the last 15 years
and he is superb! Tony’s inspiration was there when I was starving in a
broken down 400 square foot apartment and it will continue to be with
me for all the days I am alive.
I’d like to thank my editors, Tammy Bailey and Harry Karabel for all
their hard work and efforts. Through their skill, hard work, and dedication
they were able to keep my messages focused, and the rhythm of the book
perfect for the reader. I’d also like to thank Kathy Tully for her beautiful
cover design. Trying to come up with an attractive cover that symbolizes
breaking free from self-sabotage was no easy task. Yet, Kathy helped me
pull it off. Well done! Thank you, Gordana Traycoff, for the headshot for
this cover. My wife thinks I look handsome. You really know your stuff!
Finally, I’d like to thank all of my clients, students, family and friends
who have taught me the principles of this book and shared their stories
of pain and success so that we all might benefit from them.
*6+#$7"%89"$2)"$:+,;<=>
Finally, a book that teaches you how to consistently follow through
on your goals. Constant positive action is the key to reaching your goals
and this book shows you how to program yourself to do so without
relying heavily on willpower. The techniques are easy and powerful and
the lessons are profound. Put it on your must-read list!
Dr. Joe Vitale,
author of Attract Money Now
and popular star of the hit movie The Secret
A funny thing happened on my way to helping Tim Shurr edit this
manuscript in its earlier stages: I began to listen to what he was saying.
I started to do the things he asks the reader to do. And I identified the
self-limiting beliefs that were preventing me from having the kind of life
I always wanted. As I worked through the manuscript edit, I continued
doing all the interactive exercises, and discovered that Tim delivered
on his promise to not only identify problems but also provide the means
to develop your own, personal, workable solutions. What started out
as a job became a transformational experience. Read this book, and
be transformed.
Harry J. Karabel,
President, Words That Work, Inc.
Get Out Of Your Way is one of the best books I have ever read on
how to get yourself to succeed in life. My only warning is that this book
will take away all of your excuses. It is a blue print of exactly what to do
to get past what is holding you back!
Justin Savich,
President, Life Success Group LLC
Thanks Tim for the real experience you bring to the table. It makes
this book vital and significant for all professionals. Get Out Of Your Way
offers the gift of follow through and a practical explanation of how
achievement really works. It will give quick and easy mastery of self to all
who read it. If people study one book this year, it should be this one!
Scott McFall,
Human Performance Expert, Author of Mission Possible
This book not only describes the problems that keep people from
achieving their goals, it provides the cure! Every businessperson who’s
ever felt stuck or held back will benefit greatly from the strategies and
principles in this book!
Michael R. Leep
President, Gurley-Leep Automotive Group
To be successful in life you really need to read the following three
books. The Bible, Think and Grow Rich, and Get Out Of Your Way by Tim
Shurr. It’s bound to be a classic.
Robert Saviola,
President, Savi Hypnosis Group.
I’ve read many books on personal development and just when I
thought I had heard it all, Tim comes out with Get Out Of Your Way. This
book is great! It reveals step-by-step how to eliminate procrastination
from your life and offers excellent strategies for motivating others as well.
If you’ve ever wondered how to get other people to raise their standards,
buy this book. It will show you how!
Al Turnbeaugh,
President, Vision Media Strategies, LLC
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Introduction ............................................................................ 9
Chapter One Had Enough B.S? .............................................. 13
Chapter Two Design Your New Belief System ........................... 23
Chapter Three Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness ...... 27
Chapter Four Perception: How Believing Will Allow You to See .. 37
Chapter Five Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise ......................... 41
Chapter Six Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? ..... 47
Chapter Seven How To Silence Your Inner Critic ....................... 57
Chapter Eight Making Fear Your Friend ................................... 63
Chapter Nine Stop the Madness and Take Control! ................... 81
Chapter Ten
Why Being Perfect Is Boring and Being Yourself Is Vital .................. 87
Chapter Eleven How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks ............ 93
Chapter Twelve Yes, It’s Possible for You to Win the Game ........ 99
Chapter Thirteen You’re Ready, You’ve Aimed, Now Fire! ...... 105
Chapter Fourteen Attitude Is Everything ................................ 113
Chapter Fifteen Your Most Powerful Ally ............................... 129
Chapter Sixteen
Are the Roadblocks in Your Life There for a Reason ..................... 133
Chapter Seventeen Success Conditioning: Step One ............. 141
Chapter Eighteen Success Conditioning: Step Two ................. 151
Chapter Nineteen Staying Focused Under Pressure ................ 163
Chapter Twenty Unstoppable Confidence ............................. 169
Chapter Twenty-One The Ultimate Success Secret ................. 177 !
Chapter Twenty-Two
How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved ........... 185
Chapter Twenty-Three
Six Quick and Easy Steps to a New You .................................... 199
Chapter Twenty-Four
You Are The Captain of Your Destiny, Now What........................ 203
Chapter Twenty-Five
The Key to Ongoing, Lasting Prosperity ...................................... 207
Chapter Twenty-Six
Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation ......................... 215
Epilogue .............................................................................. 225
9
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You want something but you’re having a hard time attaining it.
What’s holding you back? The answer is simple. You!
Willpower lasts for about two minutes before fizzling away, and
logic has nothing to do with most behavior. Every time you place another
cookie or cigarette into your mouth, you realize it’s a bad idea, yet you
do it anyway. Every time you fail to reach a goal, you agonize and
wonder why. The answers and solutions are in this book.
The information and mental reconditioning exercises in the pages
ahead will enable you to make breakthroughs in ways you’ve never
experienced before. You’ll begin to recognize the beliefs, emotions, and
habits that are sabotaging your progress, and overcome them. Your
previously unattainable goals are now within reach.
Although many good books on personal development, self-confidence,
motivation, and goal attainment are available, the key ingredient that’s
always missing is how to follow through. If you don’t follow through and
apply the knowledge you acquire, nothing in your life will change.
Many engage in dramatic weight loss surgery and then regain the
weight. Why? Because they never dealt with the issues that caused the
obesity to begin with, so they were not equipped to keep their results,
regardless of how good they looked and felt!
This book will unlock the secrets to overcoming blocks and following
through. Once you understand how to utilize your mind and emotions to
your advantage, just about any goal can be achieved. Whether you wish
to increase wealth, build confidence, lose weight, overcome bad habits,
or improve relationships, all can be accomplished through developing
mental and emotional mastery.
This book will do much more than fill your head with fancy quotes
and positive thinking. You are going to be mentally and emotionally
conditioned to think, feel, and behave in a more empowered way.
10
Get Out of Your Way!
Willpower does not last. Developed, reinforced positive habits do. The
goal is for you to experience an internal shift in the way you process
the world within and around you. In plain English, we are going to
reprogram you to get out of your way so you can enjoy and thrive in the
life you wish to live.
The first self-sabotage you may encounter is the fear that this emotional
transformation or mental reconditioning is going to take a long time and
require a huge amount of effort, struggle, or pain. Because we live in
an instant gratification world, the idea of personal growth and positive
change is often dismissed as bogus. Yet, this is the sign of an amateur
thinker, and you are not in that group. People who operate at a lower
level of consciousness do not read books of this nature. They settle for
less, expect the worst, and experience the least.
What the worlds’ happiest and most abundant people understand
is that learning new information and becoming a more competent and
successful person requires the same amount of time and energy you’re
already expending. In fact, as you assimilate the information in this book,
you’ll actually spend less time, effort, and energy while getting more of
what you want from life.
I recently completed a weekend long Life Mastery training which
a fifty-three-year-old woman named Wendy attended. She had suffered
from claustrophobia since the age of eight. During the weekend, Wendy
began to look at herself and her capabilities in a more empowered
way. At the conclusion of the seminar, she pulled me aside and pointed
toward an elevator. “I want to go in there,” she said. I knew this was one
of the big goals she set for herself and the moment of truth had arrived.
I decided to accompany Wendy onto the elevator while gently
reminding her of what to do once inside. Did she walk in, push the
elevator button, and smile as the doors closed? Not exactly. It was
challenging, and Wendy really had to come to terms with her fear. The
good news is she used the tools I taught her and was able to remain calm
while traveling to the top floor and back.
I’ll never forget when we reached the first floor and the elevator doors
slid open. Wendy threw her arms up into the air in a sign of victory. To
11
Introduction
make the success even sweeter, family and friends awaited Wendy with
cheers and applause as she exited the elevator! Everyone was hugging
each other and jumping around with joy!
Wendy had accomplished her goal of successfully riding an
elevator! She had overcome a forty-five-year fear, and that was just the
beginning. Once she was able to overcome her claustrophobia, her
success sparked a wave of transformations that continue to positively
enhance her life today.
There are numerous examples in this book of how people have
overcome lifelong mental blocks and triumphed over obstacles that they
once thought insurmountable. I’m going to give you the same tools and
conditioning exercises those people used to better their lives so you can
better yours. You will begin transforming, not by the end of the book, but
immediately, in the first few pages.
Read one chapter at a time and let the new information sink in. If you
would like to repeat a chapter before continuing on, please do so. Keep
a notebook and pen handy to help you with the exercises.
In order to maximize our time together, and by that I mean, if you
want to reach your goals as fast as possible, you must follow three simple,
easy rules:
Have fun. 1.
Keep an open mind and trust that I know what’s best for you even 2.
if you think I’m lost my mind at times.
Do as I instruct immediately and to the very best of your ability! 3.
Some of the transformation exercises in this book may make you
feel silly or uncomfortable. This is done on purpose! Learn to be
okay with that. The biggest key to being successful lies in your
ability to deal effectively with uncomfortable feelings. You can’t
play it safe and grow at the same time.
Follow my instructions half-heartedly, and you will get mediocre
results. Follow through and trust that each “test” you pass is setting you
up to succeed in the future, and your results will be stellar!
12
Get Out of Your Way!
If you’re ready for a brand new approach with powerful tools that
will get you believing in yourself, following through on actions that lead
to getting what you want, and developing successful habits that continue
to attract joy and prosperity into your life, keep reading!
It’s time for you to experience the pleasure, freedom, and security of
feeling empowered. So let’s begin! Sit up straight with great energy. Put
your shoulders back, lift your chin up, and take in a few deep breaths.
(Go on. Do it!) Get your mind ready to learn, and let’s get started!
Here’s to making your life a Shurr ! Success.
—Tim Shurr, MA
13
Chapter One
B+@$/<%(=6$CD:E
B.S. (Belief System)
You have a dream or goal. To achieve it, the first mental shift you
must make is to decide you will succeed in reaching your goal. It is in
that decisive moment that you actually become more of a success! Self-
belief is the only element that separates those who win from those who
don’t. The ones who believe they will succeed do.
Your beliefs, whether positive or negative, whether optimistic or
pessimistic, determine the kind of life you will experience. That’s why
it’s so important to address the beliefs you currently have. If you don’t
change the beliefs that hold you back, all the positive thinking in the
world won’t do you any good.
So what is a belief? Is it an opinion or a fact? If you think about it,
it is an opinion, an opinion that you perceive with certainty is true. If you
hear an opinion often enough, even if you don’t believe it at first, over
time you will begin to.
For example, if your father ever said out of anger that you would
never amount to anything, you probably wouldn’t believe him. Even
though it may hurt your feelings, you’d recognize that he was just mad.
However, if he made this comment regularly, you’d soon begin to wonder
if this were true.
By the time you are eighteen years old, you’ve heard approximately
180,000 negative remarks directed toward you, which translates into
approximately 25,000 hours of negativity pumped into your brain during
the most influential time of your development. Researchers suggest that
80 percent of this negative programming occurs by the time you are
eight years old.
14
Get Out of Your Way!
Most people have had so much negativity droned into their brain that
they continue to run on it throughout their lives. Many of my clients have
said, “It’s like I have this CD playing over and over in my head telling me
how worthless and pathetic I am.” Even if you weren’t the one who put
all those negative thoughts into your brain as a child, which you probably
weren’t, you are the one who continues to support them as an adult!
After time, a belief such as “I’ll never amount to anything” becomes
established at an unconscious level, and people who have that belief live
up to the expectation.
If a comment is made under a heightened emotional state, it can
often take only hearing something once for it to stick. I’ve used hypnotism
to help hundreds of people uncover self-limiting beliefs that were based
on comments made to them during childhood. Often clients would be
shocked to realize that many of their problems resulted from remarks
made by an authority figure (parent, teacher) while growing up.
As a child you didn’t have the mental capacity to understand all the
circumstances revolving around what another may have said to you. If
your dad was having a horrible day and said, “You’re the reason for all
my money problems to begin with!” you didn’t have the mental maturity
to think, “Actually, my father is responsible for his own issues with money.
I’m sure he’s just having a bad day and he’s blowing off steam. I know
he loves me and will probably feel bad about his behavior toward me
later. I’m going to go play now.”
Instead you suddenly feel as though your being born is somehow
a burden on the family, which creates what is known as a crime of
existence, which, sadly, many people struggle with.
As an adult, however, you are able to get a whole new perspective
on the situation, especially if you are now a parent who’s had a bad day
and your kid is screaming at the top of his lungs. Making a comment like
this to a child is still stupid, immature, and unacceptable. Yet, it does help
you realize it was never about the child (you) to begin with. Sometimes
people just say things they don’t really mean.
Having this realization and forgiving others for being human can
often be enough to set you free from the mental prison you placed yourself
15
Chapter 1 Had Enough B.S?
in because of the “crime.” Once you realize you were falsely accused,
you can give yourself a new trial and clear your name.
Ray had always felt disconnected with his father. When asked about
it, he said, “My dad was just never around. He was always working.”
Under hypnosis, Ray uncovered a belief deep inside that “My father isn’t
around because he doesn’t like me.” This unconscious belief had tainted
Ray’s relationship with his father throughout his life. Even when Ray’s
father attempted to get closer to him, Ray admittedly withdrew. “It just
doesn’t seem genuine,” Ray would say.
I had Ray view the situation with his father as an adult, instead of as
a child. Suddenly Ray began to see the situation differently. “We had
some rough times growing up, and my father put in a lot of hours so we
could have a good life. He didn’t seem to like his work, which kind of
made me feel worse, because I thought he was picking his job over me
and he didn’t even like his job.”
Ray’s voice began to soften. “I’m a dad now, and sometimes my job
requires that I travel. I hate leaving my son, but I do it so that my family
can enjoy the finer things in life. My son doesn’t always understand that
though, and I wonder what he thinks when I leave.”
After that session, Ray began to look at his relationship with his
father differently. He even went to see his dad to have a heart-to-heart.
Ray said, “I sat down with my dad and told him how I was worried
about leaving my son so much because of my job. My father got the
saddest look on his face and told me that he hated leaving me when I
was a boy.”
With tears in his eyes, Ray revealed how his father had said, “Son,
the thing I regret most is not having spent more quality time with you. I
thought that by making enough money to buy you lots of gifts, you would
realize how much I loved you. I’ve always felt like it did the opposite
though. My only advice is that you don’t make the same mistake with
your son that I did with mine.”
I spoke with Ray a few weeks later and he stated that his father and
he were making up for lost time. In fact, Ray said he cut back on his
traveling so the three of them (Ray, his son, and his father) could go on
16
Get Out of Your Way!
some fishing trips together. If Ray hadn’t uncovered and updated that
self-limiting belief about his father, I shudder to think of all the memories
and fun they would have missed out on.
Many people buy into information that ends up being false, and it
has cost them dearly. At one time, spiritual leaders thought that when a
mentally ill person sneezed demons were escaping, which is one reason
why people now say “God bless you.” (You don’t want to know what else
they did to exercise the remaining demons.) The Salem witch trials, the
Holocaust, Enron, 9/11, history is full of cases where people believed in
something that was false, and many have suffered horribly for it.
The main reason people don’t think more positively is because of
the negative core beliefs they have about themselves. These deep-seated
beliefs are often rooted in self-rejection and unworthiness. These harmful
beliefs create strong feelings of sadness, guilt, and anger that are often
repressed at an unconscious level. But the effects of this leak out into
every area of your life.
Perhaps the same is true of your self-limiting beliefs. They may seem
true, and you may even have a few examples that support your case.
But alas, this is only because you have bought into and reinforced these
ideas at an unconscious level.
For that reason, many of the exercises in this book are directed
toward updating your beliefs so that they are positive, loving, and
self-supportive. Unless you can fundamentally feel worthy and loving
toward yourself and others, things will continue to go awry, and you
will remain unable to achieve your dreams and goals. Your beliefs
carry that much power.
Many of my weight loss clients don’t really believe that they are
actually going to lose weight when I meet them. They’ve failed so many
times at dieting that they are now programmed to fail. Psychologists call
it learned helplessness. My coach, Scott McFall, calls it as the habit
of failure.
Some people are so determined to remain stuck that no amount of
coaching will help. These people actually defend the behaviors that
make them miserable. They cling to their self-limiting ideas because
17
Chapter 1 Had Enough B.S?
that’s what they know. Even though they are experiencing pain, at least
it’s familiar. They know what to expect and, for them, it’s better than
not knowing, because they fear the pain could become worse. This is
rarely the case, and protecting yourself from potential pain by creating
real pain is just foolish!
A belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true.
To review, a belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true.
Allowing outdated ideas from childhood or immature remarks from others
to dictate your life is no longer an option. Even if you were pumped full of
self-limiting opinions from those around you as a child, the responsibility
to yank out those weeds is yours. Kids don’t have any power over what
happens to them, but adults do. If these childish ideas are holding you
back in any way, it’s time to delete them.
“We have no say over the hand dealt us in life,
but we do have a lot of control over how this hand is played.”
—Roberta Andersen
Therefore, it’s time to review some of the beliefs you currently have
about yourself and others. If any of your beliefs are not empowering and
moving you forward in life, they are about to be terminated.
Enter the Unexpected Hero: Doubt
To eliminate an unwanted belief, you must weaken your certainty by
instilling doubt. Think of a belief as a round table with many supporting
legs underneath. Every time you knock a leg out from beneath the table,
it becomes unstable. Eventually, with enough supporting legs removed,
the table will collapse. Thus, the more doubt you create about the validity
of the beliefs that keep you from achieving your goals, the quicker those
false beliefs will dissolve.
18
Get Out of Your Way!
If you remove enough supporting factors from under a
self-limiting belief, eventually that false belief will fall.
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The following written exercise is designed to help you to uncover self-
limiting beliefs so that you can replace them with empowering ones. Read
the instructions below and then take your time answering. The goal isn’t
to finish quickly but rather to clarify your thinking. Putting your thoughts
to paper now will later allow you to look back on how you were thinking
in your past, which will reveal why your present is the way it is.
With that said. let`s get started. !
In your notebook . . .
Identify then write down five self-limiting beliefs that are
currently holding you back from enjoying the life you desire.
These five may be opinions you have about yourself, your situation, or
others, that you know are keeping you stuck in anger, fear, or despair.
Do this now. Your notebook page might look something like this:
My Self-Limiting Beliefs
1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________
The following are common self-limiting beliefs: “I’m not good enough.
I’m not worthy. I can’t do it. I don’t know how. It will never work. I’m not
worthy. I’ll fail. I’ll get rejected.” Did you write down any of that B.S.
(belief system)?
In the page ahead are exercises to correct your self-limiting beliefs.
Here’s the first.
19
Chapter 1 Had Enough B.S?
In your notebook . . .
Add the words “according to whom?” behind each of your self-limiting
beliefs. Do this right now! “I’m not good enough according to whom?”
Good. Now those old belief “tables” are wobbling. This next exercise
will give you the tools to further weaken and collapse them.
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Use these six power questions to knock out the remaining supporting
legs of your self-limiting beliefs.
In your notebook . . .
Write down your first self-limiting belief.
Now, beneath that self-limiting belief, answer each of these questions:
Is this thought (opinion) absolutely true? Ask yourself, 1.
“is this self-limiting belief a fact or an opinion?”
If you answered YES, proceed to the next question. If you answered NO,
then you can discard this falseidea you used to believe about yourself.
Has there ever been a time when this thought wasn’t true? If so, 2.
could this thought really be factual?
If this thought were false, how would your life be different or 3.
better?
What would you rather believe instead? (What is the opposite of 4.
this old belief?)
Is this new belief as true as, or more true than, the original belief? 5.
How will your life be better now by supporting this new belief? 6.
Run all five of your self-limiting beliefs through your Six Power
Questions. Take the time to do this now. Your beliefs are everything! Use
this opportunity to make your beliefs beautiful!
Good. Now that you have answered these six questions for each
of your self-limiting beliefs, let’s go through your answers to question
number one.
20
Get Out of Your Way!
1. Is this thought (opinion) absolutely true?
For each of your answers to this question, you asked yourself, “is this
self-limiting belief a fact or an opinion?” Each is an opinion, right? Many
beliefs that people embrace with complete certainty turn out to be totally
bogus. The most scholarly people of centuries past were convinced the
sun and all the planets revolved around the Earth. Those in the days of
Christopher Columbus believed that the world was flat and you could
sail right off the edge. One hundred years ago, the church considered it
sacrilegious to believe that people could fly. “If man were meant to fly,
God would have given them wings.” Nowadays even the Pope gets on
a jet when he travels.
Let’s look at beliefs another way. What one person considers a
failure, someone else may consider a success. One of my smoking clients
dropped from eighty cigarettes a day down to one in our first session. He
came in the next day feeling like a complete failure because he smoked
that one cigarette. Would you consider this person, who dropped seventy-
nine cigarettes on his first try, a failure? I sure wouldn’t! Do you think this
person felt more motivated to reach his ultimate goal (of becoming a
nonsmoker) at the same time he’s telling himself he failed? No, it made
him want to give up, which is crazy, if you think about it. That’s why you
need to get rid of these silly little opinions that are holding you back.
Whether your self-limiting beliefs are opinions or facts, they need to
be eliminated, because they are hazardous to your health, wealth, and
peace of mind!
You’ll find answers to the remaining five questions as you continue
through this book. These Six Power Questions are very effective tools for
challenging unwanted beliefs and instilling doubt in them.
A belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true. When
you introduce doubt, you lose the certainty, and the belief becomes just
an opinion. If millions of people—the-world-is-flat crowd, for example—
believed in something that was pure fiction, is it possible that you have
supported some self-limiting beliefs that are equally false? If so, doesn’t it
seem silly to keep supporting them? Following is another way to weaken
those self-limiting beliefs.
21
Chapter 1 Had Enough B.S?
“A Duck, a Snail, and a Moose Walked into a Bar . . .”
When helping people to challenge old beliefs, I’ve found that you
must first get yourself into a resourceful state, and the fastest way of
doing that is through humor. Therefore, I’d like you to look at your list of
five self-limiting beliefs and read each one out loud. However, after each
belief loudly declare, “What a bunch of BS!” ! For example, “I
can’t do it. What a bunch of BS!” “I’m not worthy. What a bunch
of BS!” Do this for each belief now! Go on. Do it now!
Great! Now repeat the following out loud: “All those things are BS,
and I’m not putting up with it anymore! I’m better than that, and every
day, in every way, I am getting better and better, from now on!” By now
you should realize this is true.
You may be giggling a bit from this exercise. It’s kind of silly. But
laughter counteracts feelings of fear and self-doubt. Just having the guts
to stand up to your deepest, darkest thoughts is empowering! When
someone finally admits out loud, “I feel like a failure!” it’s like pulling a
childhood monster out of the closet. Once it’s out, it isn’t so scary. “Great,
you feel like a failure. Now what are you going to do about it?”
22
Get Out of Your Way!
23
Chapter Two
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The following exercise will help you to further define who you want
to be, instead of dwelling on who you think you are. For this to work well,
you’re going to have to temporarily suspend any fearful or pessimistic
thinking long enough to answer the following questions. Take the time to
answer these questions in detail for yourself. You may find it helpful to
write your answers down.
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What do you want to believe about yourself? What would you 1.
have to believe about yourself in order to create the life of your
dreams? Now is the time to turn off your analytical brain and
turn on the dreamer inside you.
What do you want your life to look like, sound like, and feel like? 2.
Forget about what is possible or practical. If you had a magic
wand and you could have whatever you wanted, what would it
be? What would you wish for?
How do you want to feel about yourself? What could you accomplish 3.
if there was no fear or if you absolutely could not fail?
If things would work out for you from now on, and you could 4.
have whatever you wanted, what would a day in your new life
be like?
24
Get Out of Your Way!
If you were to truly believe in yourself and your own worthiness 5.
right now, what immediate changes would you begin to make in
your life? What is the first step you would take?
In your notebook . . .
Determine Five New Beliefs that you would have to believe
about yourself to be able to attain and experience all the things you
just imagined. Take a few minutes to write down your new,
empowering beliefs. It’s not necessary that you believe these ideas
yet. Just write them down for now, and we’ll cement these ideas as the
book progresses. Your notebook page might look something like this:
“I AM ________________________________________________!”
“I AM ________________________________________________!”
“I AM ________________________________________________!”
“I AM ________________________________________________!”
“I AM ________________________________________________!”
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Now that you are becoming clearer and more specific as to the direction
in which you’d like to take your life, the next step is to unconsciously
reinforce the new beliefs that will take you there. The following exercise
will reinforce and strengthen your new beliefs at an unconscious level.
Take your time and play out this exercise in your imagination with as
much detail as possible.
Imagine a chalkboard in your mind. This chalkboard is special
because it’s connected to your unconscious, where self-limiting beliefs
that hold you back are stored. As you sit quietly with your thoughts for
a moment, imagine that a self-limiting belief that’s been holding you
back begins to surface from your unconscious. Allow it to appear on the
chalkboard of your mind now. In your notebook, write down the thought
that came to mind or appeared on your chalkboard.
“I_______________________________.”
25
Chapter 2 Design Your New Belief System
Now ask yourself: “Is this idea helping or hurting me? Is it helping
me to grow or keeping me stuck? Do I still want to continue supporting
such an idea?” If the answer is no, then imagine marching up to that
chalkboard with great confidence. Grab the largest eraser you can find
and begin wiping that belief from the chalkboard. As you eliminate it
from the board, it also gets eliminated from your belief system! If the
words resist, get creative and resourceful.
Sometimes these words will try to scare you into continuing to support
them. They want to keep you afraid, because they know if you realize
that you’re the one with the true power, they’re done for! But the game is
up. You do realize that you have the power now.
Step up to that chalkboard with a flamethrower and torch that baby!
Melt those BS words right off the board! Watch those old fears fade
out into a puff of smoke. Have you ever thrown a piece of paper into a
bonfire? It lights up quickly, folds in on itself, turns into a piece of ash,
and then floats away on a breeze. Imagine the same thing happening to
that old self-limiting belief. Do this now.
Great! Before we move on, go back to that self-limiting belief you
wrote down a moment ago and scratch it out with your pen. Then write
“BS” on top of it. Going through this exercise mentally is one thing.
Actually acting it out empowers you at a whole new level. Do this now.
Excellent! Now that the old belief and all the emotion and negative
energy tied to it have been neutralized and let go of, take a deep breath
in and feel that sense of relief deep down inside. No longer do you
have to carry around that old baggage. It’s behind you now, and your
abundant future is waiting!
Next imagine a new chalkboard in your mind. However, this one
is made of stone. I want you to imagine using a laser beam to etch in
the new empowering belief that you are now going to support instead.
If you don’t like the laser beam idea, imagine bolts of lightning coming
down from the sky (or from God). Use whatever makes you feel more
comfortable. The point is to make this new belief feel strong and permanent
from the start. You haven’t been practicing believing in this belief as long
26
Get Out of Your Way!
as you have the old one, so you need to be just as dramatic in making
this one stick.
“What would you now like to believe about yourself instead?” In
your notebook, write down your new empowering belief.
“I___________________________________!”
Once you’ve etched this new belief into the stone, begin etching
into stone the other five empowering beliefs that you wrote down
earlier. Cement these empowering beliefs into your mind and body.
As you do so, imagine your mind absorbing these new beliefs and
immediately acting upon them. Your powerful brain knows exactly how
to create reality based on the information you give it. Now that you are
supplying your mind with new information, it will do what it’s designed
to do. It will begin creating your new reality based on the new beliefs
you’ve designed.
This is how you begin to create your life by design. Now let’s
empower you.
27
Chapter Three
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In this chapter, I’m going to help you to create new mental associations
so that empowering beliefs are strengthened and self-limiting beliefs are
continually weakened and destroyed. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that
I focus a lot on helping you to uncover and eliminate limiting beliefs. This is
because they are almost always at the root of goal-attainment problems.
We’ll proceed in three steps. First you’ll get a crash course in how the
mind functions. Second, we’ll eliminate any lingering self-limiting beliefs
still holding you back. Third, we’ll replace those outdated ideas with
beliefs that empower you to actually attain your goals.
How the Mind Functions
First, the crash course in mind operation. Imagine there are two parts
of your mind with separate roles and functions that work together to
create your reality. These parts have been labeled the conscious and
unconscious minds.
The conscious mind is the part of you that takes information in
from your five senses. Then it suggests to you how that information
should be interpreted based on past experiences and the beliefs you
have developed.
The conscious is the logical, decision-making part of the brain that
you are using right now as you read these sentences. As your eyes scan
over these words, your analytical, fully-aware conscious mind says, “This
makes sense. That doesn’t. I agree with Tim here. I don’t agree with him
on that.” It decides what’s good and bad, right and wrong.
28
Get Out of Your Way!
Your conscious mind is also in control of willpower. For most,
willpower lasts about two to three minutes, and then your habits take
over. Habits, or conditioned responses that have been created over
time, are the domain of the unconscious.
The unconscious mind is the part of you that regulates autonomic
bodily functions, which means it keeps your heart beating, your lungs
breathing, and your blood circulating. We give it the name unconscious
because most of its functioning happens out of your awareness. Imagine
consciously having to keep track of everything your body does to stay
alive. You wouldn’t last five minutes!
Your autonomic bodily functions are not the only things your
unconscious runs automatically. Most of the thoughts, feelings, and
actions you experience are also on autopilot.
e conscious mind controls willpower.
Habits are the domain of the unconscious mind.
You may think you’re actively (consciously) responding to what’s
happening in your environment, yet most of the time you’re actually just
responding to old beliefs and habits from the past (unconsciously). If
you notice, most people handle situations in the same way they always
have. When tragedy occurs, some people will cry, some will get angry,
and some will reach out to help. When a controversy arises, those same
exact people will cry, get angry, or reach out to help.
If you are in a relationship, you’ve probably had the same argument
about a given topic a hundred times. You and your spouse sound like
broken records, playing the same old tune and making the same
redundant comments that ticked each other off just like the first time
you had the argument. That’s because couples don’t usually respond to
what’s happening in the moment (consciously). Instead, they respond
to how the current event triggers their feelings and memories from the
past (unconsciously).
29
Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness
Fact: Eighty percent of your current actions and responses to life
are based on programming from the past.
Your unconscious just keeps running the same old patterns
unless new information is introduced.
The good news: you can strongly influence your unconscious mind to
respond automatically in positive, proactive ways.
Your Mental Genie
Think of your unconscious as a genie that lives in the back of your
mind. Its sole purpose is to cocreate your reality with the help of God, or
whatever else you believe in.
How does your genie know what kind of reality to manifest? It listens
to what you regularly say to yourself; it watches the “movies,” images,
and memories you keep alive in the theatre of your imagination; and it
pays attention to what you focus on most.
This powerful genie is constantly eavesdropping on the conversations
you have with yourself. Whatever it hears you say the most, it assumes
that’s what you want. When you focus on something long enough, poof!
Your wish is granted. The thoughts you hold in the privacy of your own
mind, if held long enough and backed by emotion, will eventually show
up in your life.
Your powerful, unconscious “genie” creates your reality
based on what you focus on most.
Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? It’s just a granted
wish. Self-fulfilling prophecies occur when you tell yourself something
is going to happen and then you unconsciously take action toward its
fruition. People unwittingly talk themselves into experiencing what they
don’t want simply because those are the thoughts and feelings they
concentrate on! Then the bad situation does occur, and you say to
30
Get Out of Your Way!
yourself, “See, I told you this would happen,” not realizing that you were
responsible for creating it.
So, why are you not achieving your goals? Because you’re
unconsciously getting in your own way! Many of you may have heard
of the Law of Attraction. It states that what you think about most,
and feel with emotion, you draw into your life. So what are you thinking
about most? What are you focused on?
For the duration of this book, we’ll make “unuseful” a word,
because it’s more fitting for our purposes than anything Webster has
come up with. I’ll use it now: People engage in useful and unuseful
self-fulfilling prophecies all the time. Once you understand how self-
fulfilling prophecies actually work, you can use them in a positive
way, to your advantage!
This is one reason why the rich get richer—they know how to use
the power of their unconscious mind. The poor just get poorer because
they don’t understand this power, and thus they continue to sabotage
themselves while blaming everyone else for it.
Keep in mind that your genie doesn’t care what’s good or bad for
you. That’s the function of your conscious. Your unconscious is responsible
for manifesting reality, not judging it. So you better make damn sure that
you’re feeding your genie what you actually want. In other words, focus
on what you want, and fill your day (and your mind) with thoughts that
support it!
Einstein once said that when willpower is butted against imagination,
imagination always prevails. Knowing now that your unconscious
mind will almost always override your conscious willpower, you can
understand how people who are diagnosed with lung cancer can
reach for a cigarette. You know that an apple a day keeps the doctor
away, but you reach for the candy bar and a soda pop instead. You
know that it’s not good for you, yet your mind has been so programmed
and enticed by food companies through the media that you reach for
unhealthy food anyway.
31
Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness
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Even when you’re convinced that you’ve healed all your emotional or
psychological wounds, sooner or later when you come across a block or
an obstacle, you’ll discover a self-limiting belief attached to it. Many of
these beliefs can quickly and easily be transformed by the exercises you
are going to learn now.
Imagine that your unconscious mind is like a large filing system. It
has folders within this system that store “good” feelings, “bad” feelings,
“positive” memories, and “negative” memories. There are also folders for
things that you think are “True” and things that you think are “False.”
Our goal is to take the self-limiting beliefs or fears that you currently
have stored in the True (believe in) folder and move them into the False
(no longer believe in) folder. Then you will take the ideas that you really
do want to believe in and trust with a feeling of certainty and place them
into the True folder.
Before we begin this extraordinary exercise, we need to decipher
whether you are more visual (see pictures in your mind’s eye), auditory
(hear sounds or voices in your head), or kinesthetic (get feelings in
specific locations in your body).
Think of something that you know with absolute certainty is false.
It could be “the moon is made of cheese.” How do you know that this
statement is false? Do you see a picture of it in your mind that seems
blurred or hazy? Do you hear a voice in your head that says, “I don’t
think so”? Or do you get an uneasy feeling in a particular part of your
body (e.g., stomach) that signals this is false? Take a few minutes to pay
attention to your inner world and discover now how you know something
is false.
When asking a client how he imagined something being false,
whether he pictured it, heard it, or felt it, he said, “It’s just illogical.” This
person didn’t realize that when something seemed false to him, he’d
comment on it in his mind by making the statement “It’s just illogical”
using a matter-of-fact tone. This is an auditory response, and for him the
tone of voice he used confirmed the emotion he felt.
32
Get Out of Your Way!
If you are feeling a bit confused right now, that’s okay. I am helping
you to make an unconscious process conscious. Just go back and reread
this information until it suddenly clicks. Eventually it will, and when it
does, you’ll be blown away by the immense potential of this exercise!
I asked another client to provide me with something that she knew
was false. As I watched her eyes, she glanced up and over to her right.
Then she said, “I have two dogs.” Then I asked, “Now tell me something
that is true.” She glanced over to her left and said, “I have one dog.” I
replied, “When you think of having two dogs, how do you know this?”
She said, “I see a small black and white picture in my mind of my dog
and an empty space next to him.” I replied, “And when you think of the
true statement, how do you imagine it?” She said, “I see a big colorful
picture of my dog,” as she glanced again to her left.
This brief conversation provided many insights as to how this woman
stored and processed information. I now knew that her “False” folder
was located to her right and when she imagined something false, she
turned it into a small black and white picture. I also knew that when she
believed something was true, she imagined a large color photo located
to her left.
Why is this information so incredibly useful? Because now I knew
how to help her strengthen or weaken any idea, feeling, or belief simply
by turning it into a picture and 1) placing it on her left or right side, 2)
making it small or large, and 3) turning it black and white or color. This
person felt she was unworthy of making more money. Her belief was
that because she didn’t have a college education, she didn’t deserve to
make as much as the people who had the degrees. This limiting belief
created massive tension in her because it was incongruent with her
reality. Although she did not have the degrees, she worked harder and
brought in more new clients than anyone else in her office.
We took the belief that she was “unworthy,” which happened to
be stored as a color picture on her left side, and moved it over to her
right. Then I had her make the picture black and white. I asked how she
felt about the unworthy belief now and she said, “Give me a minute.”
Her eyes squinted as she looked to her right, and then all at once her
33
Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness
whole demeanor changed. She took a deep breath in, and her shoulders
softened. Then she looked over and said, “Sorry about that. I started
feeling better, but not all the way, so I made the picture smaller and all
of a sudden I felt this incredible sense of freedom.”
I smiled and said, “Great! Now let’s take it one step further. Now tell
me what you want to believe about yourself.” She replied, “I do deserve
to be paid more because I’m worth it!” I said, “Then make a large color
picture of yourself getting a raise and place it on your left. She did.
The following week she walked into my office grinning from ear to
ear. “How are you today?” I asked. She replied, “Great! I felt so good
about myself after our last session that I went right up to my boss the next
day and asked for that raise. I even asked for the exact amount that I
imagined getting. He was a little resistant at first, but I knew he didn’t
want to lose me. So he gave me the raise! The funny thing is, he didn’t
even mention anything about my not having any degrees. Now I wish I
would have asked for this raise a long time ago!”
Who would have thought that just moving some pictures around in
your mind’s eye could have such profound and immediate results, but it
does! I regularly teach clients how to do this exercise, and it works like a
charm virtually every single time! Let’s get it to work for you now.
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1. Create an image in your mind of something that you know is
absolutely false. Do you see a picture, hear a sound, or get a
feeling when you imagine this thing that is false? Once you’ve
identified the characteristics of the false image, write them down
so that you easily remember them.
If it’s a picture, where is it located in your personal space? Is it in
front of you, to the left, to the right, up close, or far away? Is it in color
or black and white? Is it large, medium, or small?
If you don’t see a picture, perhaps you hear a sound. I had a client
once say that whenever he thought of something false, he’d hear a low
34
Get Out of Your Way!
voice in the back of his mind say “Not!” Notice the details. For him, it
was a low voice that seemed to come from the back of his head.
If you don’t see a picture or hear a sound, perhaps you just get a
feeling. When you think of something false, what kind of feeling do you
get, and where do you sense that it’s located in your body? I’ve had
clients say that when something felt false, it was like they had a rock in
their stomach. Again, pay attention to details. “Rock.” “Stomach.”
2. The next step is to think of an idea or belief that you currently
believe is true, but that you’d like to believe is false. Notice how
you imagine this belief. Do you think of it as a picture, sound,
or feeling? Right down all of its characteristics. Is it big or small,
close or far, in color or black and white, loud or soft? Do you get
a feeling in your head, chest, or abdomen?
3. Now move this belief into the False folder, and change all of
the characteristics of the self-limiting belief so that it matches the
characteristics of the false image you originally came up with.
4. Then test it. Think of the self-limiting belief and see if it still feels
real or believable. It should start to feel different. You may now
feel neutral or indifferent. It might even feel foreign or silly to think
that you used to believe that.
Some clients have related that their false image and true image were
in the same location. If you continue to notice more of the attributes
(size, location, shape, volume, texture) you should notice some separate
distinctions, even if they are slight.
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1. Think of a new, desirable belief that you would like to feel with
certainty is true. Notice how you experience that idea in your
mind. How do you “know” that it’s false? Do you get an image,
sound, or feeling about it? Notice the characteristics and attributes
of that picture, sound, or feeling.
35
Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness
2. Next, think back to that True folder that we identified earlier.
Remember that idea you wanted to believe was false, yet felt
might be true? How did you know that it was true? What were
the characteristics that made this idea seem so believable?
3. You know what to do next! Take the idea that you now want to
believe with certainty is true and move it over into the True folder.
Give it the exact same characteristics and attributes so that it
looks, sounds, and feels absolutely true to you now.
4. Now test it. Think of the new, empowering belief and notice if it
now feels more believable and true. You may want to increase
its brightness, make it sound more convincing, and feel warmer,
closer, and bigger. Use your imagination. Play around with the
features until it feels just the way you want it to.
As you continually discover how your brain codes and structures
information, you’ll be able to quickly add and delete beliefs, fears, and
patterns of behavior through using formulas like this. For more information
on how to use this technique, call 877-944-HOPE.
36
Get Out of Your Way!
37
Chapter Four
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Your Unconscious Filters
One way to describe the process of how you interpret and react
to situations is through the analogy of a filter. The information coming
in through your five senses is intercepted by the life “filters” you’ve
developed over the years. This unconscious filter is formed from your
beliefs and life experiences. Each person has a unique filter, because
each person has a subjective, personal view of reality.
For example, describe the taste of an orange or the color blue.
Even if you were graphic and explicit in detail, I could never taste and
experience an orange in the same way you do. Now add in the unique
filters we each possess. For example, what if you loved oranges and I
hated them? That would make the experience of eating an orange even
more varied. What if in high school I was the victim of an orange-ing? I
walked outside and was pelted by the football team with oranges. (This
never happened.) Maybe you went to school in Orange County and
during your senior year, you were voted Orange King or Queen. Based
on these two experiences, our filters would be considerably different
when it came to the fruit we call an orange.
We each have different perceptions of words, actions, and events.
You might have looked at an orange while thinking, “I sure would enjoy
an orange,” while I might have seen you glance at the orange and
perceived that you were thinking, “An orange. I think I’ll pelt Tim with it.”
38
Get Out of Your Way!
Out of all the interpretations you’ve made over the years, do you
think there’s a chance that some of those interpretations were incorrect?
Could it be possible that you drew the wrong conclusion based on the
limited information you had? The answer for all of us is yes.
Now that I’m a father, I realize why my parents said and did many of
the things they did. As a kid, I felt upset, angry, and even disappointed
at times. When I was a teenager, I was certain my parents were out to
destroy my social life. Now that the tables are turned, I see how they
were trying to protect and guide, and even rescue me from myself. When
my parents told me I couldn’t do something, my child(ish) interpretation
was that they didn’t care about my feelings. In reality, they cared about
me so much that they stood their ground even when I cried, yelled, or
pouted. Saying no to your child is never fun, but not saying no at times
can be a whole lot worse for the both of you.
Many events in your life may have been upsetting or difficult. But
when you look back upon those situations as an adult, you gain a
deeper perspective. I was picked on a lot as a child (not with oranges).
At the time it really sucked. As an adult, however, I found that those
early experiences fueled my deep desire to help others become stronger
in life, and to escape their own inner bullies. One of my hopes for you
is that this book will likewise give you a new perspective, and show
you how your difficult life experiences can now greatly benefit yourself
and others.
Understanding Your Reality-Creating Unconscious Mind
Your unconscious is the information warehouse of your brain, and it
operates like storage crates. When new information comes in through your
senses, it gets compared to what’s happened in the past. Then your brain
either puts the information into a general crate, it distorts the information
to fit into a specific crate, or it throws away the information completely.
You are bombarded with over 2.3 million bits of data per second, and
your brain can only process about 159,000 bits of this data per second.
This means that millions of possibilities, realities, and outcomes get
completely ignored or thrown away (erased) without your ever knowing
39
Chapter 4 Perception: How Believing Will Allow You to See
it. And that’s what I mean when I say that you are cocreating your reality.
God provides the quantum energy from which you can create your life,
and your brain selects which energy to pay attention to based on your
beliefs, attitude, and focus.
To influence human behavior, you need to work with the part
of your mind that controls it—the unconscious.
Yet, most continue to rely on willpower—the conscious—
and that’s why they continue to fail.
Another Layer of Perception
There’s something else you should know about your unconscious
mind. It will mostly only allow you to perceive things that support your
beliefs. If you have a belief that all salespeople are pushy, then you
will tend to attract only the pushy salespeople. Are there warm, honest,
trustworthy salespeople? Yes. But you won’t meet them because you’ll be
attracting the aggressive ones.
I stuck in the word mostly because if your mind only allowed you to
see what you believe, you would never have the ability to change. People
change every day. My clients have breakthroughs all the time. Thus, you
do have the ability to experience “evidence” contrary to what you believe
if you are able to keep an open mind and welcome new possibilities.
When your mind is closed, the possibility of a new experience
will be unlikely because you’re not giving it the slightest chance to
emerge. Many people, for example, completely close their minds to
an opposing viewpoint when speaking about passionate subjects like
religion or politics.
Instead of seeking to understand how another may interpret the
subject, rigid people cling even tighter to their own ideas and set out
on a mission to prove that there is only one single truth—theirs! Many
casualties have resulted from this type of closed-minded thinking.
40
Get Out of Your Way!
Once your unconscious locks onto a certain belief,
it will supply your conscious mind with justifications
that support only that belief.
My point is that once your unconscious locks onto a certain belief,
it will supply your conscious mind with justifications that support only
that belief. This is why when you meet someone who is doing something
that he knows is bad for himself, he will give you reasons, excuses, and
justifications for why he must continue to behave in this way. His mind
sees only one option.
If you are twenty pounds or more overweight, you know that
devouring bags of chips or a deep-dish pizza is harmful to your health.
If you’re a diabetic but you still guzzle soda pop all day long, you have
to know it’s bad for you. But because your unconscious is so powerful,
it will overrule logic and support the belief that pizza or soda will make
you feel better.
If your mind really believes this, it will continue to justify the behavior.
“I’m going to start exercising tomorrow, so I might as well live it up
tonight.” “If I don’t drink this soda, I’ll get a terrible headache.” “I really
don’t have a choice anymore. I’m addicted to it.” “If I lose weight, I’ll
have all this loose skin and it will look worse than my being heavy.” “I’m
going to die from something. I might as well enjoy myself.”
These are all actual excuses that I’ve heard from people who were
obese. It’s no wonder they could never lose the weight. Their minds had
no intention of changing their behaviors or dropping the fat. Consciously
they all said they wanted to lose weight, but unconsciously it just wasn’t
going to happen. This is why so many who diet remain heavy. Their
beliefs (their perceptions) keep them this way.
Remember, beliefs will only allow you to see things that support those
beliefs. Therefore, you’re going to have to accept the reality that you
are a fabulous human being with amazing potential, and, even if there
is some validity to your self-limiting beliefs, you still have the ability to
triumph over them!
41
Chapter Five
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Test Your Courage
It’s time to see if you have the courage to succeed! The instructions
for this challenge are simple. Sing out loud: “We are the champions, my
friend. And we’ll be together until the end!” (Try to hit the high notes. !)
Ready, SING! “We are the champions, my friend! And we’ll be together
until the end!”
Did you do it? If so, great! I’m proud of you! If not, here’s another
chance. Sing it as loud as you can and, if others are around, sing even
louder! Let’s see how courageous you really are. Here you go. 1, 2, 3! “We
are the champions my friend. And we’ll be together until the end!”
Great! Give yourself a round of applause for following through, even
if it made you a little uncomfortable. If you still haven’t sung this tune,
why not?
Was it too silly for you? •
Are you too dignified? •
Are you afraid someone might judge you? •
Are you in a rush to get to the next exercise? •
Are you too busy analyzing the intention of the exercise or why •
I’m asking you to do such a thing?
Maybe you’re not good at following instructions? •
The only reason I asked you to sing out loud was to see if you would
do it. This test is designed to see how well you deal with challenges
42
Get Out of Your Way!
and how willing you are to leave or expand your comfort zone. If you
completed the task, it suggests that you are willing to take some risks and
put yourself out there.
If you did not take action as requested, it suggests that you don’t
take many risks, you are overly concerned with how others view you,
or your ability to take direction and follow through is lacking. You may
justify your actions by thinking that the test was stupid, or that I am.
Instead, realize it’s your fear, ego, or excuses that keep you struggling
and mediocre!
“You cannot grow and play it safe at the same time”
How you play games is a good reflection of how you play the game
of life. You cannot grow if you’re playing it safe! If you want to become
confident and successful but make excuses for not accomplishing smaller
tasks, what makes you think you’ll follow through on larger ones?
“You must go out on a limb because that’s where the fruit is.”
Lao Tzu, paraphrased
You need to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable
or at least fake it until you make it. Decide that it’s okay to feel weird or
unsure during these exercises so you can experience the breakthroughs
you desire. Only in times of challenge can your inner hero emerge!
“When you’re going through hell, don’t stop!”
Les Brown
Therefore, the next time in this book you’re asked to take action, no
matter how strange it might seem, please do it! Like the Nike commercials
say, “Just do it!”
Comfort Zone or Excuses Zone?
Each time you are confronted with an exercise, become aware of the
excuses that enter your mind for not following through. You should write
them down, because they are good indicators for the kinds of self-limiting
beliefs that sabotage you.
43
Chapter 5 Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise
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In your notebook . . .
Over the next couple of days, notice the excuses you
repeatedly use for getting overwhelmed, feeling upset,
procrastinating, or otherwise not reaching your goals. Write
them down. Being aware of these excuses will open your eyes to how
much or how little you believe in yourself.
Common Excuses:
“I don’t have enough time.”
“I don’t have enough money.”
“I’m too tired.”
“I don’t have any willpower.”
“It’s their fault.”
“I don’t know how.”
“It won’t last.”
“I have too many commitments.”
“I have to take care of my parents.”
“Nobody listens to me (or takes me seriously).”
If some of your excuses come to mind now, write them down. Write
down other excuses for the next few days. What do they reveal about
your belief in yourself and in your wonderful abilities?
One More Try!
Because I think you’re absolutely fabulous, I’m going to give you
another chance. Instead of singing, I want you to say out loud as you
tap yourself on the forehead: “I create my destiny and I have
the power!”
Ready... Start tapping on your forehead with your index finger. Now
say passionately:
“I create my destiny and I have the power!”
Fantastic! I know you really stepped up this time. Since transformation
requires new information, it’s normal to feel resistant when making
44
Get Out of Your Way!
changes. Encouraging you to sing out loud may not seem like it has
anything to do with building wealth, losing weight, or making your life
better. Yet, as you will see, it has everything to do with it.
These new, courage-creating challenges reveal your current levels
of comfort, security, and self-esteem, and as you progress through this
book, those levels should increase. These exercises also offer immediate
feedback on how well you follow instructions and how willing you are to
do whatever it takes to be successful.
e courageous have always risked death
while the fearful have never really lived at all.
Comfort Zone or Habit Zone?
You can always tell when someone resists leaving his/her comfort
zone. S/He will continue to think and behave in the same manner
even when new or contrary information is introduced. I’ve always been
amazed by how easily people will accept ideas that are untrue. It’s even
more mind-boggling to see people clinging to old beliefs that they know
are untrue just because “we’ve always done it that way.”
I once heard a story about an eight-year-old who complained about
taking out the trash. His mother was very strict and always demanded that
he recycled the newspapers, glass, and plastics in separate containers.
One day the boy was late in getting the garbage to the street. He ran
out with the three separate containers just as the recycling truck pulled
up. The boy watched the driver throw the loose newspapers, glass, and
plastics all into one big pile in the back of the truck. The boy was shocked,
and then he got excited. He ran into the house, found his mother, and
told her what he had seen.
His mother didn’t believe him and continued to make her son sort
the recyclables. The following week when the recyclable truck pulled
up, the boy begged his mother to watch the man through the window.
Reluctantly she agreed and saw with her own eyes as the man dumped the
newspapers, glass, and plastics all into one big pile. The boy beamed with
satisfaction, expecting his mother to make amends. Instead, she looked at
her son and said, “It doesn’t matter. We’ve always done it this way, and
we are going to continue doing it this way, and that’s just how it is.”
When I first heard this story, I wanted to throw that mother into the
back of the recycling truck! What kind of message does that send to an
45
Chapter 5 Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise
impressionable child? “Don’t trust what you see. Just do what you’ve
always done and don’t question it.” I bet you know someone who’s
behaved in this manner. People come up with all kinds of rituals for how
things “should” be because it creates a feeling of familiarity.
I once asked a well-respected professor of religious studies about
people who were so rigid with their spiritual beliefs that they didn’t want
to hear anything else but what they believed. He said, “These people have
the least amount of faith, because they are afraid of it being tested.”
Part of being courageous means testing yourself and your beliefs.
It means taking the chance of being wrong or getting hurt because the
potential rewards are worth it. Any worthy relationship requires risk and
the ability to make yourself vulnerable to your partner. Yes, at times you’ll
get hurt, but the deeper, more fulfilling love that can emerge is worth the
growing pains.
Part of being courageous means testing yourself and your beliefs.
It means taking the chance of being wrong or getting hurt
because the potential rewards are worth it.
If you’ve ever thought this: “I’m afraid to leave my comfort zone
because I don’t know what will happen and it could be worse than it is
right now,” then know this: Things will never get better or different if you
refuse to leave your comfort zone!
Comfort Zone or Danger Zone?
Here’s an example of an unhealthy comfort zone. A young girl grows
up in an abusive environment with an alcoholic father. As an adult,
she marries a man who begins drinking heavily after they marry, and
he becomes steadily more agitated and aggressive. Even though this
woman’s early environment was unhealthy, it was familiar, and thus
she unconsciously recreated it as an adult. For most, comfort zones are
actually prisons that keep you stuck. Most “comfort zones” aren’t even
comfortable. They’re just familiar, and that’s what makes them feel safe.
This can be a scary concept, but it’s also a reality. People fear change
because they believe things could get worse than they already are. The
46
Get Out of Your Way!
future is unknown, and if you assume the worst, it can be a frightening
proposition. However, if you believe good things are coming your way,
and your situation will only get better, it probably will since the choices
you make are heavily determined by what you believe to be true!
Freedom from “Comfort” Zones
One way to challenge being afraid of the unknown is to think about
the following. Would you go to the movies if you knew the ending to
every single movie? That wouldn’t be much fun, would it? Much of the
enjoyment comes from not knowing what’s going to happen. Besides,
when you go to the movies, aren’t you assuming it’s going to be a
pleasurable experience? Then why not think of your life as a movie that’s
full of possibility and that you have the directorial power to ensure this
movie has a happy ending!
I highly recommend making the following four beliefs your own.
You’ll reap the benefits for years to come.
Four Beliefs of the Happy, Healthy, and Wealthy
The future will bring good things! 1.
Part of the fun is 2. not knowing what will happen.
You co-create your destiny. God sets up the opportunities, and 3.
you get to decide which opportunities to pursue.
You can feel calm about the future since your actions help to 4.
create it and you are in charge of your actions!
If, while reading this book or at any time after, you find yourself
resisting or retreating to old habits, remind yourself that the old “comfort”
zone is nothing more than a prison. It’s time for you to experience true
freedom, even if it feels scary at first.
Reassure yourself that you are in the process of developing courageous
beliefs and habits that will help you feel relaxed, safe, secure, and
confident regardless of your circumstances or environment. Remember,
you’re not alone on this journey. Your Creator and I are both here in
spirit. ! We are both cheering you on, but we’ll do even better than that.
We’ll give you the exact abilities and strategies you need to pull this job
off exceptionally well!
47
Chapter Six
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That Voice in Your Head
Since your beliefs tend to be the catalyst for how you think, it’s
important to strengthen your mind at the core. Just trying to change how
you think, without changing the driving beliefs, will not work. You’ll say,
“I’m going to be a millionaire!” and then you hear a voice in your head
that says, “Yeah, right.” A client told me the other day that when he said
to himself “I can do anything,” he heard a voice in his head say “Not.”
Or you might think, “I’m going to excel on this diet!” Then the voice says,
“Right after I enjoy this tasty donut.”
To change how you think, you must change your driving beliefs.
From now on, you will reply to that voice with a defiant, “Hell no! I
don’t want any freaking donuts. I can accomplish anything! I’m going to
do what it takes to be successful right now! I will have what most others
won’t have because I’m willing to do what most others are not willing to
do!” We call this self-talk.
In the chapter one exercise, Identify Your Self-Limiting Beliefs, I told
you that putting your thoughts on paper allows you to look back on how
you were thinking in your past, which will reveal why your present is the
way it is. There’s yet another good reason to occasionally write down
what’s going on in that mind of yours. . . .
48
Get Out of Your Way!
Have you ever had a mental argument with yourself, like there are
two of you in there battling it out? “I’m doing this! No you’re not, you’ll
only get hurt! I’m hurting anyway. You’ll hurt worse.” Some battles sound
like this: “Don’t eat those cookies! Oh, one little cookie won’t hurt. No,
I need to lose weight. Come on, live a little, besides, you had a rough
day.” Other battles sound like this: “I’m going to make those calls right
now. Why, so they can hang up on you? I’m being stupid. Just make
one call. Yeah, and get yelled at right before going home. It will ruin my
whole night. I’ll just call tomorrow when I come in, maybe.”
When you argue with yourself, you’ll always lose. The best defense
against this to either write down your thoughts or to begin saying them
out loud so that you can hear how critical or ridiculous you sound!
Clients who’ve done this have said, “Wow, I had no idea I was being
so mean to myself. Actually writing my thoughts down allowed me to go
back and see how much of a bully I was being to myself. That’s when I
decided to treat myself with more respect, and it has really made a huge
difference.”
If I get caught up in an internal debate, I begin debating out loud. It
can often become quite an effective way to stop the debate, especially
when you hear yourself blowing things way out of proportion. But you
won’t notice it if you continue to keep the voices tucked safely away in
your mind.
Influence Your Thoughts through Positive Self-Talk
Although your beliefs influence the quality of your thoughts, the quality
of your daily thinking can also greatly influences your beliefs. Thus, one
way to update your beliefs is by telling yourself what you want to believe.
If your unconscious hears it enough, it will eventually accept it.
It’s incredibly important that your thinking (self-talk) is positive, loving,
and supportive for another reason: What you say to yourself creates how
you feel in the moment. The words you say and the images or movies that
you play in your mind generate specific emotional states. These feelings
or emotional states determine what actions you take, and this behavior
then shapes your reality or experience of life.
49
Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure?
Let’s review this again, because it’s one of the most important secrets
about how your reality is shaped. The thoughts you have create the
feelings you experience. Those feelings determine what kind of choices
you make. Those choices influence the results you get, and those results
then reinforce the thinking that started it all! It’s a big circle. Ultimately,
how you think determines how your life will be.
e thoughts you have create the feelings you experience.
ose feelings determine what kind of choices you make.
ose choices influence the results you get,
and those results then reinforce the thinking that started it all!
William James, the founder of modern psychology and one of
the greatest minds of our generation, said (paraphrased) the greatest
discovery of the twentieth century was that “The quality of your thinking
determines the quality of your life.” One surefire way to create a more
prosperous life is through focusing the majority of your mental energy
onto what you want to believe about yourself and your life. Instead of
dwelling on what you have, or who you are now, redirect your mental
energy toward what you want and who you are becoming, those positive
qualities you intend to add to yourself.
The good news is you can begin, right now, to create a new dialogue
with yourself that is loving, supportive, and encouraging. Stop waiting
for someone else to say these things to you. Instead, give yourself what
you need.
If you have crap from your past use it as fertilizer to grow your new life.
Justine Savich
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Once you transform your underlying beliefs, the next step is to
engage in a stronger, more optimistic dialogue with yourself. If your self-
50
Get Out of Your Way!
talk isn’t positive, supportive, and encouraging, you might revert back to
your former beliefs. To prevent this, I’ve provided a four-step process for
generating an unstoppable PMA (positive mental attitude.)
Eventually these four steps will become automatic. You’ll still need
to monitor your thoughts every day to ensure you’re staying on course,
but it all becomes much easier and effortless over time. Here is the four-
step process.
Step One to developing a success-producing mindset:
Become more aware of your current self-talk.
Be aware of what you’re actually saying to yourself. You have
roughly 60,000 thoughts each day. Can you tell me what the majority
of your thoughts are focused on? Is that voice in your mind loving or
scared, supportive or skeptical, calm or angry? You can’t fix something
unless you know what the problem is. Therefore, you must become more
conscious of how you think.
What you think about comes about.
So what are you thinking about?
Step Two to developing a success-producing mindset:
When you make a negative comment to yourself, interrupt
or challenge that thought immediately.
You can interrupt it by imagining a big red stop sign popping
out in front of you. Then say loudly and clearly to yourself, “CANCEL,
CLEAR!” Make sure you say this out loud. Remember, it is impossible
to win an argument with yourself in your own head. (And as we said,
sometimes you have to repeat negative comments out loud so that you
can hear how critical or judgmental you’re really being to yourself.)
When you say “I’m such a failure” in your head, you immediately feel
like one. If, however, you were to say out loud “I’m such a failure!”
suddenly you might feel like you’re being a bit harsh with yourself.
51
Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure?
Go ahead and test this now. Say in your own mind “I’m such a
failure!” Then say it again out loud with the same amount of emphasis.
It should feel different. The second time you say this, it might even feel
uncomfortable, because it’s really false.
Now say out loud “I’m such a failure,” and then immediately
picture a big red stop sign in front of you. Then say with passion,
“CANCEL, CLEAR!”
As you do this, the thought and accompanying feeling(s) should
become smaller and fade away. If it still lingers, then you’ll need to
challenge it. You’ve already learned some very effective strategies for
accomplishing this task. You can repeat the unuseful comment, and then
yell out “What a bunch of BS!” Or move the thought over to the False
folder. You can even run it through your Six Power Questions. You could
also do the following.
Often, when being overly critical or dramatic, you’ll find yourself
using words like always or never. If you catch yourself using words
like this, emphasize that particular word and challenge the
statement. “Things never work out for me!” “Never? Nothing has
ever worked out for me ever?” It forces you to bring the situation back
into proportion. “Okay, lots of things have worked out for me. It’s just
that this hasn’t happened yet, but maybe it still can if I keep focusing on
what I want.”
Here’s another common example. “Why does this always happen to
me?” “Does it always happen to me? Always? Every single time? No,
not every time. But it’s happening this time and I’m really upset about
it. But that’s okay. I know I’m a good person and everything is going
to work out for the better. I’ll get through this and things will be fine. In
fact, maybe they’ll turn out better than I expected, and that’s what I’m
going to focus on. I’m not sure how it’s going to happen, but I’ll let God
figure out those details.” As soon as you begin challenging negative or
unuseful thinking, it will be as though you are arguing with yourself. This
is because you have a set of faulty beliefs, ideas you currently think are
true, that block you from fully accepting the new information (the positive
things you say to yourself).
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Get Out of Your Way!
Those are great examples of how to use positive self-talk to transform
an upsetting situation into one where you feel more reassured and
supported. Even if there is some truth to the negative comment, making you
feel bad will only make matters worse. Some people think bad-mouthing
themselves will motivate them to change things. It only does the opposite.
Bullying yourself only leads to depression and discouragement. Research
has proven time and again that only through positive reinforcement can
someone be motivated long term.
Use positive self-talk to transform an upsetting situation into one where
you feel more reassured and supported.
Only through positive reinforcement can someone be
motivated long term.
Step Three to developing a success-producing mindset:
Replace the unuseful (negative) thought with a more
empowering, positive comment or statement.
Once you pull a weed, you need to replace it with a flower. Otherwise
the weed just grows back. Also, if you want to grow roses, you have to
plant rose seeds. If you wish for your life to go in a certain direction, you
must plant the mental seeds to take you there! Where you would like to
be in 30 days, 6 months, or 1 year? How do you want to think, feel,
and behave right this moment? Once you clarify the answers to these
questions, begin planting those mental seeds!
Here are a few seeds for you. “Things do work out in my life, often
better than I expected. I always learn from every situation, and this makes
me stronger and wiser. There is no failure, only feedback, which means I
can learn from any situation and feel successful from it. I am the person I
was created to be. I am supposed to be here on this planet. My life does
have meaning and purpose. My thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs
are just as important as anyone else’s. I am just as important as everyone
else! Today is my day, and I’m going to make it great!” !
53
Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure?
ere is no failure, only feedback. is means
you can learn from any situation and feel successful from it.
Sometimes the easiest way to come up with a more
empowering belief is to say the opposite of the negative
belief. “I can’t do it” becomes “I can do it!” “I’m not worthy” becomes
“I am worthy!” “It will never happen” becomes “It will happen and I will
always be happy with my decision to go for it and find out either way!”
Ask yourself which one of these two brings about genuine regret—daring
to reach a goal yet failing or going to one’s death not going for something
and wondering what could have been?
Step Four to developing a success-producing mindset:
Practice and repeat.
I challenge people to use more proactive self-talk for two weeks, and
many give up by the end of the day. They say, “That positive thinking
stuff doesn’t work. I’m just fooling myself.” I typically reply, “You’re right.
You are fooling yourself if you think that positive thinking doesn’t work.
How long did you practice it?” The answer I hear most is, “Well, I really
didn’t practice at all.”
If you hear something enough times, eventually you will begin to
believe in it. The only reason people tend to believe negative things
about themselves is because they’ve heard those negative statements far
more times than positive ones. If you are wasting time dwelling on self-
defeating beliefs that are holding you back and creating pain, remember
this: The only reason you believe that crap is because you heard it so
much growing up and now you’re saying it to yourself as an adult! If
you want to really believe something is better, say that it is to yourself so
many times that you can’t remember anything else you used to say! This
will work if you work it!
Here’s the million-dollar happiness question: If you had to say the
positive self-statement that would free you from pain and create massive
pleasure in your life 10,000 times before you finally truly believed it,
would you?
54
Get Out of Your Way!
If you want to really believe something is better,
say that it is to yourself so many times you can’t remember
anything else you used to say!
Destination: Success
So keep planting those seeds of success. Sometimes you’ll really have
to fake it until you make it, and that’s okay. Eventually you won’t have
to fake it anymore. One day your mind will just accept this information
it keeps receiving from you, and your life will instantly be changed.
You’ve heard the expression “an overnight success.” That’s an inaccurate
statement. Overnight successes typically spend several years evolving
to their peak. Then, in what seems like an instant, they arrive at their
destination. Many successful people say it’s like feast or famine. They
went from broke to wealthy, and even though it did happen over time, it
feels like the change occurred all at once.
The main thing you should be doing is preparing yourself for that big
break, which is actually a series of little breaks. When that big opportunity
does arrive, you want to be ready for it. That’s why you strive to become
the best you can be now, and a huge part of this involves developing
strong confidence and self-belief. This will come from how you positively
communicate with yourself on a daily basis, your positive self-talk.
As Tony Robbins has said, “Repetition is the mother of all skills.” Many
of the things you now do with ease were once difficult tasks that you had
to practice and repeat: tying your shoes, driving a car, beginning a new
job, and so on. When my son first started walking, he fell down a lot.
Do you think in his mind he was saying, “I’m so stupid! I’m never going
to walk! Why does this keep happening to me?” No, that’s ridiculous.
He simply got up and tried again, and eventually succeeded. Why?
Because he was bound and determined to accomplish his goal, and he
wasn’t going to let anything stop him. If a one-year-old can have that
kind of positive, resilient attitude, you can too.
Once you begin to THINK SUCCESS, your odds of succeeding
increase dramatically! The success formula I teach my clients is Belief +
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Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure?
Expectation = Results. The more you believe and expect to achieve,
the more you will succeed!
The Key Ingredient for Success: Believe in Yourself
How long will it take before you finally believe in yourself? As long
as it needs to, because there’s really nothing more important than this.
My grandfather taught me the value of doing things right and persisting
until I had succeeded. I remember being fifteen years old and busting my
butt trying to figure something out. I finally got so frustrated that I yelled
out, “How many times do I have to do this?” He replied, “Until you get it
right.” Shortly after that, I did.
I hated my grandfather’s answer at the time, but when I did accomplish
the goal, it was the best feeling ever! If I had it my way, I would have
quit way before I ever got to experience the joy and feeling of success.
Thank goodness I had someone in my life who could see beyond my
frustrations and show me the bigger picture. I hope my words are doing
this for you right now.
You can accomplish more than you’ve ever imagined
as you continue to get out of your own way.
I’ve worked with thousands of people who never dreamed that they
could accomplish their goals and live out their dreams—and then they
did. Arlene came to see me for weight loss. She complained of having
arthritis and a bad thyroid that prohibited her from losing weight. She
hadn’t been able to lose a single pound for fifteen years, and she was
pretty upset about it. I began working with her and we made some
progress, but I could tell that she was still holding herself back with the
belief that “My physical problems keep me heavy.” So I showed her the
bigger picture.
I sponsored a group class in which the goal was to turn fear into
power through transforming self-limiting beliefs. I taught the participants
a few of the principles you’re learning in this book, and then ended the
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Get Out of Your Way!
class with a board-breaking ceremony. Each person wrote down their
self-limiting worries and fears on the board. Then they handed me the
board, I held it, and they broke it with the palm of their hand.
Arlene stepped up, obviously nervous. She said, “I’m seventy-two
years old and I have arthritis in my hands.” I smiled and said, “Arlene,
the board doesn’t exist. I want you to simply move your hand to the
imaginary target behind this board.” I taught the class how to do this
earlier. When breaking boards, you don’t focus on hitting the board.
You imagine hitting a target directly behind the board. This is also an
analogy for achieving goals. You don’t focus on the obstacles in front of
you. You keep your aim on the outcome you desire.
Arlene took in a deep breath, and then thrust her hand forward. The
board snapped in two like a twig. Arlene looked at the two pieces of
board and then at her hand. I passed her the broken board and said,
“So much for your old beliefs.” She smiled, and the whole room cheered.
Two months later, Arlene was down twenty pounds.
Don’t focus on the obstacles in front of you.
Keep your aim on the outcome you desire.
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Chapter Seven
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Where Your Inner Critic Comes From
The inner critic is the voice in your mind that suggests or warns that
you should be cautious, suspicious, or fearful. These thoughts can have
value at times, especially in situations where you should be cautious. Yet,
most of what comes from your inner critic is not useful. In fact, it’s usually
debilitating, demeaning, and destructive.
If I followed you around for a day transcribing what you say to
yourself, would you feel confident about having others read it in Sunday’s
newspaper? Would you want to read it? For most, the answer is no. It’s
surprising how negative, critical, and judgmental we are to ourselves. At
times, you may be the harshest critic you know. Especially when things
aren’t going your way. This, my friend, must change now!
The Inner Critic: Your New Best Friend
Negative self-thoughts are disastrous to your mental, emotional,
physical, and financial well-being. Thus, it’s best to keep a tight leash on
your inner critic, and that’s why you need to transform your inner critic
into your new best friend.
One of my clients once said she was no longer going to tolerate
her own “stinking thinking!” She said, “You know what? I’m tired of
constantly bullying myself. It’s exhausting, and I’m sick of hurting my
own feelings.” She made a decision in that moment to stand up to her
own fears and self-criticisms. Before trying to change her life or those
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Get Out of Your Way!
who were in it, she first began changing her self-talk, and that made
all the difference!
Make comments to yourself that leave you feeling empowered and
strong. If you don’t believe the new things you are saying at first, that’s
okay. Anything new doesn’t feel comfortable or familiar at first. But over
time it will.
One of the most important keys to experiencing an extraordinary life
is through learning how to communicate more effectively and positively
with yourself! Replacing critical thoughts, and the beliefs that spawn
them, through asking yourself quality questions is the first step toward a
happier, more secure you.
e most important key to experiencing an extraordinary life is
learning how to communicate more effectively and positively with yourself!
Teach Your Inner Voice to Ask Quality Questions
The process of thinking is mostly made up of asking and answering
questions in your own mind. “Am I hungry? Sure. What should I eat?
Huh, I don’t know. What sounds good? How about a burger? No, I
had that yesterday. What about a salad? Okay. Maybe I could try that
new dressing.”
You are continually having an unconscious conversation with yourself,
whether by literally speaking to yourself or running pictures and/or
movies in your mind. These words and images directly influence how you
feel and the actions you take every minute of the day. You never just feel
an emotion. There is always something that you picture or say to yourself
that precedes the emotional state, even if you aren’t aware of it.
This is why the quality of the questions you ask yourself will determine
the quality of your life. The more solution-oriented and positive your
questions (thinking) are, the better quality of answers you will receive.
Your mind does not care what kind of answers it provides you. Its
response is only dictated by the quality of the questions you supply. Ask
yourself good questions, and the odds are in your favor of experiencing
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Chapter 7 How To Silence Your Inner Critic
an enjoyable life. Continue to ask lousy questions, and you’re not going
to like the outcome.
Ask yourself good quality questions and you’ ll get resourceful, solution-
oriented answers. Ask yourself lousy questions and you should expect an
equivalent response from yourself.
Asking yourself lousy questions will instantly be met with sarcastic
responses from your inner critic. “Why can’t I make this work?” “Because
you’re a loser!”
Here’s a short list of questions to avoid like the plague:
What’s wrong with me? •
Why doesn’t anything ever work? •
What else could go wrong? •
Why me? •
Why can’t I get what I want? •
Why does this always happen to me? •
What did I do to deserve this? •
Why questions point you in the wrong direction. Instead, begin your
questions with the word “What” or “How.” As in, “What am I going to
do about it?” or “What can I do right now to move forward in a positive
way? And how can I make it fun?”
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The questions you ask yourself influence the way you feel and behave.
Perhaps after you’ve completed this exercise, you’ll think twice about the
questions you ask yourself.
In your notebook . . .
Step One: Think of something that is a mild problem for
you in your life right now. Write it down in your notebook
now. Your notebook page may look something like this:
Problem: ____________________________________________________
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Get Out of Your Way!
Step Two: As you think about this problem, ask yourself
the following questions out loud. Don’t bother answering
the questions. Just notice how they make you feel.
“Why do I have this problem?”
“How long have I had it?”
“How does this limit me?”
“What does this problem stop me from doing what I want to do?”
“Whose fault is it that I have this problem?”
“When was the worst time I experienced this problem?”
These are typical questions that people ask themselves when they
don’t get what they want. These specific questions seek to place blame,
are problem-oriented, and lead to experiences of limitation and lack of
choice. They create excuses and justifications for why you don’t have
what you want, and they lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair.
Now let’s try something different.
Step Three:
Keeping in mind the mild problem you wrote down in Step
One, ask yourself the following questions.
Notice if you feel any different asking yourself these
questions as opposed to the other ones.
“What outcome do I want?”
“How will I know that I have it?”
“When I get what I want, what else in my life will improve?”
“What resources do I have available to help me with this?”
“How can I best utilize the resources that I have?”
“What am I going to begin doing now to get what I want?”
Did you feel different this time? Most feel pretty lousy by the time they
get through the self-defeating questions in Step Two. That’s because those
questions are constantly pointing you toward what is wrong or upsetting.
You can’t help but feel stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated.
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Chapter 7 How To Silence Your Inner Critic
The self-empowering questions in Step Three, on the other hand, orient
you toward a solution. They assume you can and will be successful, and
they help you to access a state of resourcefulness. Asking high caliber
questions will leave you feeling more hopeful, capable, and motivated
for action!
In your notebook . . .
Beneath your mild problem, write down the above self-
empowering questions so they’re a handy reference for
the next time you face a challenge and are tempted to ask
yourself the wrong questions. !
Asking proactive questions will force your brain to respond with
action steps that should immediately be acted upon.
When you re-adjust your mental focus by asking proactive
questions, you leap past the inner critic and enter a more resourceful
state of mind. In this state, you will discover the options that evaded
your conscious awareness in the past. Operating at a higher level of
consciousness (awareness) allows you to you identify the action steps
that bring the outcomes you desire in the shortest amount of time. All
you have to do to increase conscious awareness is ask yourself the
right questions.
‘Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.”
Anthony Robbins
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Get Out of Your Way!
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Chapter Eight
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In the previous chapter, we talked about asking proactive, empowering
questions. Often, your disempowering questions come from a nasty little
four-letter word that’s responsible for all the woes in the world. It’s also
the reason why you (and others) haven’t yet achieved your goals or
dreams. Have you guessed what it is yet? That’s right. FEAR.
Fear shuts people down faster than anything else. Fear enters our
hearts when we perceive potential mental, emotional, or spiritual pain.
Fear is actually a defense mechanism designed to protect you, since
humans are instinctively hardwired to avoid pain at all costs. However,
the positive intention of this built-in defense mechanism is now doing
more to generate pain than it ever did to keep us safe!
Most fears are not based on life-threatening situations, but on things
that we conjure up and torture ourselves with needlessly. Fear, at one
time, was a survival emotion that triggered our fight-or-flight response so
that we could escape from life-endangering situations, like being eaten
by a dinosaur. Nowadays, our fight-or-flight response gets triggered if
we can’t open a jar of peanut butter.
Getting jolted with adrenaline several times a day for situations that
are blown out of proportion is seriously damaging to your physical,
mental, and emotional stability. Therefore, as I show you how to
turn mountains into molehills, think of past fear as False Evidence
Appearing Real.
I admit that in the past, I too was prone to getting caught up in fear.
My prior acronym for FEAR was F--- Everything And Run!! Yet I’ve
realized that the feeling of fear is based on the thoughts you have and
not on the situation itself.
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Get Out of Your Way!
e feeling of fear is based on the thoughts you
have and not on the situation itself.
The Toastmasters, a popular training group for speakers, have a
saying that “You can’t get rid of the butterflies, but you can make them
fly in formation.” Therefore, your new acronym for fear is Feeling Excited
And Ready! Now let’s take control of those fears!
The What-If Monster
As I said previously, your feelings and emotional states are generated
by your thoughts. Since fear is an emotion, it must stem from fearful
thinking. This is where the inner critic comes into play. Your inner critic
is that voice in your mind that’s constantly warning you to be cautious or
suspicious of opportunities, others, or the world around you.
For example, if you’re standing on top of a ladder and suddenly you
have thoughts of falling, that’s just your mind warning you to be careful.
A primal instinct of your brain is self-preservation. If it perceives that you
could be in harm’s way, it’s going to let you know about it.
Sitting in your living room worrying about ladders falling on you is
an example of an unuseful thought process. Excessive fears stem from an
inner critic whose repetitive negative thoughts, whether true or not, have
become worrisome and fearful, and now that inner voice whispers, and
sometimes screams, “Be careful. Don’t do it! What if it doesn’t work out?
What if I fail? What if they get mad? What if they laugh at me? What if
I humiliate myself?”
This fearful, skeptical, and even pessimistic voice spends all its
time filling your head with worries, fears, and what-ifs. I refer to this as
“playing with the What-If Monster.” People play so much with the What-
If Monster that one of my first e-books was entitled What-IF! You can find
it at www.TimShurr.com.
Here’s my theory behind the What-If Monster. Imagine you’re afraid
there’s a monster in your closet. You start creeping toward the closet
door to check it out. You’re scared, and your hands begin to shake as
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Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend
you close in. Every step makes your heart race until, finally, you reach
the door.
Adrenaline courses through your veins as you reach out for the
doorknob. Your trembling hand tightens around the knob as your
imagination goes into overdrive. You imagine what terrible things lurk on
the other side of this door and what could happen if you open it. Finally
you can’t stand the pressure anymore, so you throw open the door!
Frantically you switch on the light and brace yourself for what’s
coming, and then . . . and then . . . Nothing. There’s nothing there except
a bunch of clothes.
The scary part is never what’s in the closet. It’s the imaginative build-up
of what might await you that’s gut-wrenching for most. It’s the possibility
of experiencing mental, emotional, or physical pain that keeps people
feeling scared, stuck, frustrated, and stressed. In fact, throwing open the
closet door is almost a relief. As Franklin D. Roosevelt once remarked,
“There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”
If you think about it, how many of your fears have actually come
true? How many of the millions of things that you’ve worried about or
lost sleep over actually occurred? Not many! Worrying, in general, is a
huge waste of time. When have you ever spent all night worrying and it
made everything better? Never! All it does is drain your batteries, and
this is often worse than if the perceived fear had occurred.
People hold back from taking action and living their dreams because
of a nagging fear that the future may bring pain. They think that if they
keep their expectations low they won’t experience disappointment or
failure. But this is not so. Pain does not come from taking the risk of
creating a better tomorrow. It comes from the What-If Monster. Living
in fear or pretending to be less than you really are only generates the
dissatisfaction you’re attempting to avoid. It makes no sense to protect
yourself from pain by keeping yourself in pain.
Take Control of Your Past
Have you ever felt that events that happened in the past are responsible
for what’s going on in your life right now? Many people do. Yet, it’s
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not what’s happened that’s influencing you. It’s the interpretation and
meaning you’ve given to those events that’s important. In other words,
it’s the beliefs that you’ve attained from past experience that continue to
steer your life today.
I worked with a woman who was raped. You might think that the
rape was the worst thing that she experienced. To her it was not. It
was the paralyzing fear that it could happen again in the future. I hope
nothing as traumatic as this has occurred in your life. But it does illustrate
the fact that what transpires in your life isn’t as important as how you
think about it afterward.
Some people are devastated by their past circumstances while others
rise above it. Wealthy kids who come from good homes end up being
drug addicts. Poor inner city kids become prominent community members.
Clearly, it’s not your environment, circumstances, or upbringing that will
decide your fate. It’s your interpretation of what has transpired. It’s your
viewpoint of the situation. It’s your outlook and attitude that matters most.
People who have been hurt in the past often shut down because
they fear it could happen again. How many times does it take for you
to get laughed at when giving a speech before you decide never to do
it again? Usually just once, right? Think of anything that you fear or get
nervous about doing, and I bet it was because of something painful that
you experienced in the past.
Live in the present moment. Yes, some seem to get stuck in the past,
but there is no future in this. (Sorry, I could not resist.) Where you are
headed is always more important than where you’ve been. That’s why
the windshield in your car is so much larger than the rearview mirror!
Your future will be determined by the actions you take now. Thus, now
is where your power is! If you really want more certainty over what your
future will bring, make the appropriate choices now toward achieving
your goals. People don’t follow through because they are trying to avoid
pain. In procrastinating, however, you actually create the very pain you
are attempting to avoid. Do you want to be paralyzed with fear from all
the bad things that have happened or that could happen instead of fully
enjoying the moment?
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Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend
When you don’t have a strong internal foundation, you will experience
difficulty when making even the smallest of decisions. There is a nagging
fear that you will choose incorrectly and trigger a disaster. In an attempt
to avoid failing or avoid the pain of lost approval from others, you’ll
analyze the hell out of everything and remain stuck! It’s called paralysis
by analysis.
Because of this fear, people spend more time analyzing situations
instead of taking action to improve them. Action, feedback, and more
action are what get people results and an increased feeling of worth
and esteem. Over-analyzing decisions can cause you to lose the ability
to actually make one! This leads to a rushed decision at the last possible
moment, which tends to produce the perceived fears. This reinforces
the fear and hesitation in the future, and that, my friend, is the pattern
commonly referred to as procrastination.
“What if it doesn’t work out?” “Hey, what if it does!” Sometimes
you’ve got a 50/50 chance of things going right, so why assume the
worst? Sometimes what you think was a bad choice could actually turn
out to be a good thing. The inventor of the Post-It Notes was actually
working on a formula for glue that would stick things together forever!
Researchers suggest that 80 percent of the fears people have never
come true. Out of the 20 percent that do, 17 percent of those ended up
not being a big deal, and the remaining 3 percent were survivable. In
other words, 97 percent of the time, you’re just fine.
Those are pretty good odds, don’t you think? If you have a 97
percent chance of winning the lottery, how fast would you buy a ticket?
So instead of spending time torturing yourself in advance for things that
never happen, what if you focused on supporting a new belief, this belief
(you’ll recognize part of it; you saw it before):
ere is no failure, only feedback, and no matter
what happens, you will always be okay!
I strongly recommend writing that on the back of your hand in black
marker (or at least in your notebook). It will be a good reminder that even
if what you fear does occur, you’ll weather the storm and come out on
top. Optimistic beliefs are the only thoughts that can provide real security
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Get Out of Your Way!
and comfort in life. Nothing else can. Not money, health, or love. Only
your beliefs in positive outcomes can give you the feeling of safety.
The question is, can you take a painful experience from the past and
make it work to your advantage? The answer is yes. You might think that
once something has occurred there’s nothing you can do to change it. Not
true. Remember, it’s not what has happened but how you interpret it that
matters, and this is something you can influence! Just because you aren’t
literally able to go back in time and change things, it doesn’t mean you
can’t do so in your imagination, and this is where it counts. You are about
to influence your past in a way that empowers your present and future.
Methods for Quieting Your Fears
One method for calming your worrisome mind is self-talk. Every time
a negative, worrisome, or unuseful thought pops into mind, fire back with
something more positive. You are stronger than your fears! Ask yourself,
“What if my situation works out better than I ever imagined? What if
my life just kept getting better and better?” These are more empowering
what-ifs to work with, because they redirect you toward discovering
solutions. They also generate more secure, comfortable feelings because
you’re focusing on things that make you feel secure and hopeful.
The next method is unique, because it doesn’t deal at all with the
content of what you are saying. Rather, it focuses on how you say things
to yourself. I recently worked with a woman who suffered from severe
anxiety. As I listened to Jan describe the way she felt, I noticed that
whenever she mentioned feeling anxious, she began speaking faster
and in a higher pitch. Although what Jan was saying to herself would
have made anyone feel anxious, when we talked about it, I didn’t focus
directly on her word choice. Instead we addressed her nonverbal cues.
I had Jan imagine the last time she really felt safe and relaxed. It took
her awhile, but she finally recalled a recent evening when she had curled
up on the couch and fell asleep watching television. As she described the
memory, her voice sounded slower, lower, and soothing. I asked her to
say the same things she said to herself when feeling anxious but to say
them with that slow, low, soothing voice. She gave me a confused look,
but complied.
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Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend
As the panicky words rolled slowly and calmly from her mouth, Jan
smiled and said, “I think it’s working. I don’t really feel anxious at all.” I
asked Jan to try really hard to get anxious while speaking slowly and in
a low, calm voice. I also asked her to look up, since whenever Jan felt
anxious, she tended to look down.
The harder Jan tried to get anxious, the more she could not. Instead
she began to laugh. In order for Jan to feel anxious, she had to speak
high and fast and stare at the ground. Looking up and speaking in a
slow, low, calm voice immediately reduced her anxiety.
I wanted Jan to have another resource as well in case she had
difficulty speaking slowly in future situations. I asked her to say something
to herself that made her feel anxious but to say it using an exaggerated
southern accent. I modeled this for her first, and we both broke out into
laughter. Since we were both from the Midwest, our outlandish accents
were a far cry from the intense, adrenaline-producing voice she was
used to hearing in her head.
This time when Jan went into her barrage of worrisome self-talk,
which normally led to a full-blown panic attack, she incorporated her
“southern” voice. It only took a second before she burst into laughter
again. I repeatedly had Jan imagine different scenarios in which she felt
anxious while commenting about them in her southern voice. Each time,
she either laughed or smiled broadly, which was polar opposite from
how she behaved when I first met her.
Jan suffered from severe anxiety for twenty-five years. In ten minutes I
had her laughing about it, and she has been in control ever since. If you
suffer from anxiety, call our office. We can get you out of it fast! You can
also get my best-selling End Fear Now! program at www.TimShurr.com.
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You can utilize the same strategies Jan used to calm your inner critic.
Think about something that worries you, and notice how the voice sounds
in your mind. Is it high, medium, or low? Are you thinking quickly or
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slowly? Notice any other nuances about the voice in your head, and then
make that voice sound completely opposite. If the original voice is high,
fast, and it feels like it’s coming down on you, change it. Make the voice
low, slow, and sound as though it’s coming from across the room.
If you’re having difficulty identifying what the voice in your head
sounds like, just start talking out loud about your fears or frustrations, and
use a funny-sounding accent. Or say it in your sexiest voice possible! If
someone walks in on you, at least that will give your mind something else
to discuss! !
"#Remember to look up! "
The Top Five Universal Fears that Get in Your Way
There are five core self-limiting fears that hold people back from
achieving the success that they desire. You’ve experienced one or all
of them at some point in your life. Even when these fears are managed
effectively or even resolved, they often creep back into your life when
you least expect them.
You may be at a point in your life where it feels like you’re confronted
by fear every second of the day. If so, it’s time to take back control now.
Can you guess what these five universal self-limiting fears are? I’ll list
them for you here:
Fear of rejection. 1. Have you ever been afraid of being rejected?
“Oh, what if they don’t like me? What if they don’t pick me?
What if they laugh at me? What if they yell at me? What if they
think I’m stupid/ugly/fat/boring?”
Fear of abandonment. 2. Have you ever been fearful of
someone withholding love from you? Maybe you think that if you
don’t act a certain way or behave in a specific manner, people
will leave you. This fear, like all fears, gets instilled in us when
we are young.
Fear of humiliation or embarrassment. 3. I’ve helped
numerous people eliminate panic and anxiety attacks, and I’ve
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learned that it’s not so much the fear of dying that scares people
when an attack occurs. Instead, they were more afraid of having
an attack while in public and being completely humiliated in
front of others.
This fear is also the main reason for the fear of public speaking. If
you get on stage and give your presentation to a bunch of empty chairs,
it’s no big deal. Fill those seats with an audience, and the heart starts
pounding. Why? Because what if you choke and people think you’re an
idiot? Most often, you already think there’s something incompetent about
you, which is why you would care so much about others’ opinions in the
first place.
Fear of failure. 4. This comes back to the fear of being rejected,
other people withholding their love or leaving you, being
humiliated or embarrassed, and ultimately, not being good
enough. You might think the common thread that links all these
fears together is how others view you. Yet, what matters in the
end is how you view you.
Fear of not being good enough. 5. Stated differently, this
would be the fear of being unworthy. This is the self-limiting
belief that drives all others. “I’m not good enough. People won’t
like me.” Or, “I’m not good enough and that’s why people will
reject or abandon me.” “I don’t deserve to be happy/successful/
rich.” This basic insecurity is unique to the human race. Out of
the entire animal kingdom, humans are the only creatures who
feel they are lacking in some way. And we’re supposed to be the
most intelligent of the species.
You might think the common thread that links all these fears together is
how others view you.
Yet, what matters in the end is how you view you.
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When you handle fear in specific ways, you’ll be able to make these
fears work to your advantage so that instead of being held back, you
become stronger than ever.
No More “Mind Reading”!
Most of the fears you have regarding how others view you are made
up. A simple glance in your direction can be given a hundred different
meanings based on the beliefs you have about yourself and others (does
he want to eat the orange or pelt me with it?). That glance can be taken
as confrontational, suspicious, harmless, flirtation, courteous, or in any
of dozens of other ways. If you’re afraid that someone’s not going to
like you or that they’re going to think something’s wrong with you, it’s
usually because of how you feel about yourself and not based on how
this person actually feels.
It’s like the guy who asked the realtor how the neighbors were in the
new neighborhood. The realtor asked, “How are the neighbors in the old
neighborhood?” The guy replied, “They are friendly.” The realtor said,
“You’ll find the new neighbors to be the same way.” If the guy would have
said, “They’re kind of snobby,” the realtor may have replied, “You may
find that here as well.” Now any realtor I know wouldn’t actually have
said that, but the point is that you will always find what you’re looking for.
If you look for the best or worst in others, you will eventually find it.
Because people are better at talking than at listening, we tend to
do a lot of “mind reading.” A little game is played where instead of
clarifying what another may mean while in a conversation, you become
psychic and assume you know exactly what was meant, especially when
you’re in an argument. Much of the time, when you assume to know what
somebody else is thinking, you’ll be wrong. We think we’re experts, but
research has shown that we are often mistaken.
Remember the old adage “To assume makes an ass out of u and me.”
The biggest problem with assuming is that we assume the worst. When
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someone makes a comment and you’re not sure what the intention was,
do you automatically assume it was positive? Most will say no. Because
of your insecurities, you’ll begin to internally decode the meaning of
what someone has said or done without actually asking them what was
meant. Most arguments erupt when people stop responding to others
and instead begin reacting based on what’s being triggered within
themselves. People get so caught up in their own issues and imaginations
that they stop trying to understand where another is coming from or what
another is trying to communicate.
These negative feelings that get triggered stem from the five universal
fears we just discussed. The irony is that you spend so much time
fretting over how others are judging you, while others are actually more
concerned with how you are judging them!
Again, instead of focusing so much on the words and deeds of others,
its time you redirect attention toward how you can continually make
yourself feel loved, accepted, confident, and secure. Once you decide
that you can no longer be rejected by others, you won’t be. People may
try to reject you, but it won’t matter. They’ll look silly in your eyes. Imagine
a perfect stranger coming up to you and saying, “I don’t like you and I
never want to talk to you again!” Would you immediately feel crushed,
or would you think that this person should be heavily medicated? If you
don’t give someone else power over how you feel about yourself, they
can’t use it against you. As Eleanor Roosevelt once stated, “No one can
make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It all comes down to how you label (interpret) what’s happening. If
someone leaves you and you label it as a tragedy, it will feel that way.
If, however, you look at the situation and think “good riddance,” you will
feel relieved or excited.
You ultimately get to decide whether you’re going
to live in heaven or hell here on Earth
based on how well you learn to interpret life
in a way that supports and nurtures you.
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Get Out of Your Way!
You and you alone are responsible for how you feel in any given
situation. Others do not have the power to make you feel one way or
another. They may influence your decision, but you always have the
final say over your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Because emotions
can be felt faster than you can become aware of the thought process
that preceded them, you may think others do have the power to hurt or
control you. But this is false! As your beliefs become stronger and more
empowering, you’ll become more conscious of your inner dialogue, your
self-talk, which will give you the ability to choose how you’re going to
feel at any given moment.
The point is that after reading this book, you will no longer be able
to say, “You make me so mad!” because this is a false statement. A more
accurate statement would be, “I’m making myself feel angry based on
how I’m interpreting your words and actions.” Hearing yourself say that
out loud might actually be enough to interrupt your anger pattern. If you
want to learn even more strategies for interrupting unhealthy patterns of
behavior and how to feel empowered within seconds, you can discover
them in my audiobook entitled Emotional Mastery: How To Turn Fear Into
Power! It’s available at www.TimShurr.com.
The following stories illustrate many of the points we’ve just covered.
Although these are primarily stories that help sales professionals overcome
specific challenges, you will be able to get many insights from them. Enjoy!
Eliminate Networking Jitters
Joann came to me because she had a terrible time networking at
Chamber functions. She was very charismatic and confident in a one-
on-one situation at her office. Yet, whenever she thought about attending
an after-hours event at the local Holiday Inn, she froze. I asked her what
went through her mind as she pictured herself going to a networking
event. She replied, “I keep wondering what the others think of me. I’m
afraid that I’m going to meet someone and suddenly not know what to
say. We’ll both be standing there with nothing to say, and they’re going
to think I’m an idiot.”
I asked Joann if she thought others at this event might feel the same
way she did. She replied that there probably were others there who
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Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend
were shy or uncomfortable in networking situations. I said, “Instead of
imagining that others are thinking poorly of you, perhaps you could focus
on your own actions and be more reassuring of yourself. In fact, instead
of trying to get others to feel good about you, perhaps you can focus on
helping a couple of the other attendees feel good about themselves.”
When we take the pressure off of ourselves and stop worrying so
much about what others think, it won’t matter so much anymore. Instead,
focus on how you can make somebody else feel more comfortable and
appreciated. When your goal is to validate another person, just because
it’s a kind thing to do, I guarantee that person will leave thinking you’re
a fabulous person!
Joann came back two weeks later for another session and reported
that she was feeling much more comfortable about networking. “I just go
in with the intention of making someone there feel really good about him
or herself. I’m not even really thinking about how others are viewing me.
Since I’ve been doing this, it’s been much more enjoyable. I’ve met a lot
of really great people, and I’ve actually gotten more business from the
Chamber than ever before.”
Eliminate Phone Shyness
How else might “mind reading” hold you back? Perhaps you find
yourself putting off making phone calls or initial contacts at work. Many
professionals suffer from phone shyness because of the five universal
fears mentioned above. They think, “This prospect might yell at me or
slam the phone down, and I just don’t need that right now.” The fastest
way to overcome this is to get out of your prospect’s head and into your
own. Decide what your intention for the call is. Instead of it being to
make a sale, perhaps you can make the call with the intention of making
a friend.
I had a coaching client named Jeff who complained of not making
enough cold calls. My first recommendation was to change the language
he used. “I’d have trouble making ‘cold calls’ too. Brrrr. What if instead
you made money calls or warm, fuzzy, friend calls? What is your intention
when making these calls?” Jeff replied, “Well, I need to make some
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sales, but I hate being a salesman. I just want to help people make the
best decision possible with their money.” I said, “Why don’t you make
that your intention? Forget about selling to someone, and instead think of
how you can help this person make better decisions.
Jeff, what would have to happen in order for you to do this?” He
replied, “I’d have to get to know them first to make sure that I could
actually help.” “Great!” I said. “The next time you make a get-to-know-
someone call, think about how you can serve the person on the other
end of the telephone. In this way you take the pressure off yourself and
eliminate the fear of being rejected. After all, you can’t be turned down
when you’re not selling anything.” Jeff liked the new concept and put it
to use. Within two weeks, he had made more appointments to “get to
know” people than he had in the previous three months.
Review: Neutralizing Fear in Seconds!
Fear of . . .
Rejection: Others can only reject you if you reject yourself, which
will no longer be happening!
Often when fearing what others may think, you become indecisive.
Then, instead of committing to one choice, you freeze up for fear of
making the “wrong” choice. If you can get feedback from others, great.
But ultimately the choice will be yours. Instead of delaying a decision,
use all the information that you have available and take your best shot.
And if you make the wrong choice? My advice is WHO CARES if you
make the wrong decision? Learn from it and make another one!
When you decide that “others” no longer have the power to make
you feel rejected or abandoned, the fears will vanish! And this is the key
to your mental and emotional freedom.
Over time you will embrace these new beliefs that you are developing
about yourself and others with a sense of certainty. You will know that
you are worthy of experiencing a beautiful life. Each day you take action
toward what you really want, and every day you will get closer to having
it. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to be you, and that will
always be enough.
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So often, in an attempt to avoid rejection or seek approval, we try
to “fit in” or become like everyone else. But the world doesn’t need a
bunch of copycats or butt-kissers. The world needs a variety of people
with unique talents and skills, and no matter how hard someone might
try, they will never be you. Nor should you want to be someone else.
I am a big fan of Tony Robbins, and I used to imagine what it would
be like to be him. I mentioned this to a friend once, and he said, “The
world doesn’t need another Tony Robbins. They already have one. What
this world really needs is a great Tim Shurr.” That comment made me feel
really good, and I haven’t wanted to be anyone else since. The world
doesn’t need a bunch of Tim Shurrs either. But the world does need you,
the best version of you that you can become.
“I spent so much time trying to be somebody.
en it hit me. I already am somebody.
Now life is much more enjoyable.”
Joe Morris
Abandonment: One of my favorite quotes comes from A Course in
Miracles (Schuchman, Foundation For Inner Peace, 1975.) “If you knew
who walked beside you every step of the way, you would never be afraid.”
As long as you decide to always be there for yourself and keep a strong
relationship with your Creator, you’ll never be alone again. If someone
leaves you, good riddance. People who are good for you will stay.
The next time you’re feeling down or fearful, imagine standing on
a high mountain soaking in the light! Let it remind you that you are a
part of something bigger than yourself. “If you knew who walked beside
you every step of the way, you would never be afraid.” Meditate on this
thought, and believe that it’s absolutely true. Your Creator is with you at
all times. Let this idea resonate deep within your soul. The more faith you
can conjure during your times of weakness, the more you will be able to
remember that no matter what happens in your life, you will be okay. You
will continue to thrive, to shine, and to live your life on your terms.
Humiliation/Embarrassment: One kid drops his lunch tray and
runs out of the room. Another kid drops his lunch tray and takes a bow.
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The second kid chose not to make mountains out of molehills. What will
you choose?
I read a story about two equally good entertainers who had very
different viewpoints about going out on stage. One felt the adrenaline
coarse through her veins, which made her feel panicky and shut down.
“What if I go out there and forget the lyrics?” As a result, she hated
doing live performances. The other performer said, “I love that rush of
excitement and nervousness that I get right before running out on stage.
It gives me the energy and the juice to go out there a put on a killer
show!” These two entertainers experienced the same chemical rush;
however, their interpretations of it were quite different, and so were
their outcomes.
Failure: There’s no failure, only feedback! (If I say that often enough,
it’ll stick.!) If you’re driving and you get lost, do you throw the car in
park and say, “I guess I have to live here now”? No, you just turn around
and make another choice. Sometimes you might even ask for directions.
Getting lost gave you feedback on where not to turn. Eventually you will
arrive at your destination because you keep moving toward it. Everything
in life is simply feedback.
A businessman named John asked me to help him overcome his
intense fear of failure. “I’m afraid to take action and make decisions
because I might fail.” I replied, “If you don’t take action, you definitely
will fail, right? He said, “Yes, I suppose.” I said, “Okay, so you are trying
to protect yourself from failing by doing things that will make you fail?”
He laughed and said, “I never thought about it in that way before.” Then
I said, “Let’s examine this further.”
“What would happen if you did fail?” John replied, “Well, I could
lose my accounts.” “Then what?” I asked. “I could lose my business,”
he said. “Then what would you do?” I asked. He replied, “Well, I’d
probably go out and get loaded. Then I’d be pretty angry and maybe
a little depressed.” “After you did all that, John, then what would
happen?” I asked. He paused for a long moment as if really imagining
this happening. Then he looked at me and said, “Then I’d stop feeling
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sorry for myself and start building my business up again. I did it once. I
can do it again. Plus, I’m a lot smarter than I was the first time around.”
This realization was a real breakthrough for John. He was so afraid
of failing that he had boxed himself into a corner. But now he realized
that even if everything he feared did come true, he still had the power
to come back even stronger. If you have a fear of something happening,
play it out in your mind and then say to yourself, “So what if I fail. I’ll get
it right the next time!”
Not Good Enough (Unworthiness): Not good enough according
to whom? Your Creator thinks you’re enough. If you knew the miracles that
take place within the human body to create life, you’d be amazed that
any of us actually make the journey. It’s through divinity that you arrived
here on Earth. God doesn’t make junk, and he made you! If someone in
your life has a problem with that, it’s their problem, not yours.
When you stop chasing others’ approval or validation,
which isn’t really necessary, and begin chasing your own,
life will change for the better. The only reason we want others to
like us is so that we can then like ourselves more. I recommend cutting out
the middle person by freely giving validation and approval to yourself
right now. The moment you do this, you will realize that you’ve always
been enough.
Perhaps others in your life have said you are foolish or unworthy of
having what you want. Hopefully you’re not buying into that crap! Even
if you accepted this in the past, you don’t have to any longer! When
others are held back by fear, they will project those limitations onto those
around them. “If I’m not good enough, you won’t be either.” “You can’t
do that! Who do you think you are?”
Your parents or peers might always be held back by fear and self-
limitation. You need to become your very best anyway! You can create
an amazing life in spite of the critics in your life. You’re too powerful and
brilliant to be held back. The only limits you have are the ones you give
yourself. Therefore, it’s time to reach beyond what you thought you were
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capable of and mature into a world-class individual. Become the person
you respect the most!
e only reason we want others to like us is so that we can then like
ourselves more. When you stop chasing others’ approval
or validation, which isn’t really necessary,
and begin chasing your own (or God’s), life will change for the better.
Stay the Course
Yes, bad things happen, and I’m not asking you to live in denial
of this. I am asking you to avoid focusing on it. Remember the Law of
Attraction! What you repeatedly focus on with emotional intensity gets
drawn into your life. Thus, instead of making mountains out of molehills,
remind yourself that life has a way of working out and as long as you
keep your eyes locked on what you want, you’ll most likely get it!
By staying the course, you’ll also feel a deeper sense of love and
connection with yourself because you were able to overcome the voice
of fear that hides within us all.
Therefore, the next time you find yourself lying awake at night
worrying about the future, try redirecting your attention toward what you
want and allow God to work out the details. This will leave you feeling
reassured, and you’ll be able to sleep. If insomnia has become a real
problem for you, visit www.TimShurr.com and download a copy of
my audio program Sound Sleep. You’ll be sleeping like a baby the first
time you listen to it!
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Chapter Nine
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Imagine sitting on a cloud up in heaven. You and God are hanging out
watching the people down on Earth. At times God laughs. Other times he
smiles. And occasionally he shakes his head and sighs at how his children
treat themselves and others. After a while, you find yourself focusing on
one particular person.
This person has so much potential and ability, yet keeps acting stuck,
overwhelmed, confused, and afraid. You ask God why. God replies, “I instilled
within that person everything needed to create an abundant and enjoyable
life. All this person has to do is ask, intend, take action, and believe.”
You can’t stand watching this person suffer when their ability to make
their life extraordinary is so evident. Thus you decide to intervene. You
decide to float down to Earth and help this person tap their full potential.
God smiles and gives his blessings. You jump off the cloud and descend
toward this person. Finally you come toe-to-toe.
Suddenly your entire body stiffens. You can’t believe your eyes when
you stare into the face of this person and discover it’s you.
Whether you saw the ending to this story coming or not, it captured
your full attention. Whatever you were thinking about prior to this story
suddenly took backseat to what I provided you in the moment. This is an
example of a pattern interrupt.
Pattern interrupts are designed to snap you out of a conditioned
response. If an object is moving in one direction, it will continue to move
in that direction unless an equal or greater force intervenes.
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Pattern interrupts redirect your attention away from unuseful
or destructive thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and
toward more useful, productive ones.
Have you ever been conversing with a friend and in mid sentence
someone asked you a random question that had nothing to do with your
present conversation? Then when you turned back to the discussion, you
couldn’t remember what you were talking about? That random question
completely derailed your train of thought. That’s precisely what a pattern
interrupt is designed to do.
When your mind gets caught up in a stream of ideas that send you
in an unproductive direction, purposefully interrupting or confusing it can
prove very useful. Therefore, when you want to stop feeling a certain way,
do something that interrupts or redirects your current flow of attention.
Humor can be used as an excellent pattern interrupt, especially when
you are feeling depressed, anxious, or angry.
Have you ever been arguing with someone and something funny
happened or was said? Didn’t it instantly diffuse the situation? My wife
and I were engaged in a passionate debate (arguing) about something
and it was getting heated. Suddenly my two-year-old son climbed onto
the couch I was lying on, sat on my head, and farted. That’s right! My
boy cut the cheese on my forehead.
Without thinking, my wife and I burst into laughter. Moments earlier
I was fuming, and just that fast I was laughing hysterically. I’m not sure
if it was the tension breaker I needed or my son’s timing, but I do know
it was quite an effective pattern interrupt. I haven’t tried it yet with my
clients, but I’m pretty sure it’ll work!
Having a good laugh allows you to access a resourceful mental state.
It’s from this state that you remind yourself
“It’s time to focus on what I can do to feel better now.”
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Chapter 9 Stop the Madness and Take Control!
One reason why pattern interrupts work so well is because you end
up experiencing two opposing emotional states simultaneously, which
cancels each other out and leaves you feeling neutral.
You can stop a self-destructive pattern of behavior in yourself and others
by doing something so unexpected it causes you to become confused or
head in the opposite direction, like when my son tooted on me.
Here’s an example of a pattern interrupt for dieters. Think of a
sweet piece of chocolate. Most think “yum.” Would you like a piece of
chocolate right now? Sure. Now imagine that piece of sweet chocolate
being splattered in bird poop. Do you still want that piece of chocolate?
How about if we wiped the bird poop off the chocolate? You’re still
probably thinking “No thanks.” We interrupted your desire for chocolate
by changing the way you thought and felt about it.
Typically pattern interrupts are not permanent, so eventually the
desire for chocolate will return. Yet, they do provide enough time for you
to make a decision that will positively affect you over time.
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The following is a pattern interrupt I use on a regular basis. It will
instantly put you in a good mood, and it’s the fastest way to get someone
else feeling good too! To pull this off correctly, you will need a mirror. I
can almost hear you moaning. Just go find a mirror! Any size will do.
Okay, I’m trusting that you have located a mirror. Continue with
this exercise and follow my instructions without analysis. Take a deep
breath and then flash the biggest, cheesiest smile you can muster at your
mirror! Do this now! You should be able to see every tooth in your head.
Come on! Smile bigger! CHEEESE! Even bigger! SMILE and hold it
for ten seconds!
Great! How do you feel? Did you start laughing? When the ten
seconds were up, did you find yourself still smiling, even when you knew
it was time to stop? You already know how useful humor is, and this is
an excellent technique for getting you to lighten up, especially under
pressure. This works even better when you’re out in public!
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The next time you’re driving around town or walking down the
street, flash the biggest smile you have to someone. In most cases, it will
cause the person to smile back at you in the same way. It’s hilarious!
I’ve flashed my big cheesy smile to people who looked like they could
turn you to stone with one glance, and their whole demeanor changed.
They’d start smiling back or say hello because I interrupted that person’s
stress pattern. Yes, some people will think you’re a freak, but heck, that’s
half the fun! !
Smiling is a fantastic pattern interrupt because it floods your
bloodstream with endorphins, your body’s natural morphine. You instantly
get a thousand-dollar dose of feel-good medicine absolutely free every
time you smile and hold it (for at least five seconds). Smiling feels good,
it’s good for you, and it can even make you wealthier!
I had a client who was a genius in the field of finance, yet he never
smiled. It took me two weeks to convince him to smile more when working
with prospects and clients. When he finally implemented this one piece
of advice, his revenue immediately increased by 30 percent! People
respected his abilities, but they also wanted a personal connection,
which is hard to feel when you won’t even smile.
Later my client said, “My wife has been telling me to smile for
years. I don’t want to think about all the money it cost me because I
didn’t listen to her.”
Throughout the remainder of this book, I will be asking you, requiring
you, to smile. When I do, your mission is to SMILE as BIG as you
possibly can. If someone sees you, even better! Also, whenever you see
this symbol !, it will be your cue to SMILE BIG! Let’s practice once more
together, shall we? !
Did you do it? If so, great! Thanks for following through. The main
reason certain people are successful is because they follow through.
If you can’t follow through on a task as simple as smiling, the odds
of you getting anything you really want in life are slim. You must give
to receive, and you will only get back what you put forth. If it seems
like I keep harping on this point, it’s because I am. I can give you all
the strategies and insights in the world, yet if you do not apply them,
they’re worthless!
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Even though I’m sure you are following through, let’s practice this
simple pattern interrupt once more. “Repetition is the mother of all skills!”
Ready, SMILE and hold it for ten seconds! !
Fantastic! Take the time now to plan for the next time you need a
pattern interrupt. Go online and search “funny animal photos” or a
similar topic that you know will give you a chuckle.
In your notebook . . .
Write down Web URLs where you can quickly locate
your favorite pattern interrupts. When you need a good pattern
interrupt, use one. !
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Chapter Ten
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I’d like to make a distinction between getting something right and
getting it “perfect.” Getting something right means it’s good enough.
You’ve done well. Going beyond that to get it “perfect” could eventually
land you in the hospital. Doing your best is admirable. Being a perfectionist
is a form of self-sabotage.
Perfectionists have a motto: “If it’s not done perfect, I’m not going to
do it at all.” Most perfectionists don’t accomplish much as a result of this.
But here’s what’s really going on. Perfectionists have tremendous fear
of scrutiny. They are afraid of being judged, and they suffer from the
fear of not being good enough, or of screwing up and disappointing
others. That’s why they strive to be perfect. Sadly, even when things are
done perfectly, it still isn’t good enough in the eyes of the people (usually
parents) who conditioned the perfectionist to act in this manner in the
first place.
Perfectionists tend to have had one (or two) overly critical parents
growing up who critiqued, rejected, or constantly made fun of their
efforts. Unfortunately for those who had parents like this, it wouldn’t
matter if your name was Michelangelo and you just painted the Sistine
Chapel. That critical parent would have said, “It’s just too big. You should
have made the pictures smaller. Besides, now my neck hurts from looking
up!” You can’t please people like this because they are not please-able.
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It’s not about you; it’s about how they feel about themselves and their
own inadequacies. They projected their own fears and limitations onto
you, and because you were an impressionable young kid, you soaked
them right up.
Even if you had good parents who really tried to do the best they
could with what they knew, critical comments that weren’t meant to be
mean or painful can still be misinterpreted and absorbed unconsciously
as a child. Behind almost every problematic behavior or emotional
disorder, you can find some type of negative belief that was intentionally
or unintentionally installed by a parent, a belief that still powerfully
influences people’s lives as adults.
Behind almost every problematic behavior or emotional disorder,
you can find some type of negative belief that was
intentionally or unintentionally installed by a parent.
Charlene came to me because she wasn’t able to clean her home. It
wasn’t that she couldn’t clean her house. In fact, she was an incredibly
organized person who had no problem helping others clean and
organize their residences. She just froze and shut down when it came
to cleaning her own. I hypnotized Charlene and regressed her back to
the original situation or event that seemed to be most responsible for
this behavior. She immediately began describing a situation that had
happened between her mother and her when she was nine years old.
“I’m in the living room and I’m watching my mother cry while she’s
cleaning the house. My mother was always cleaning and the house
looked perfect. You wouldn’t even know that anyone lived here. Our
floors were so clean you could eat off of them, literally.” She shifted
uncomfortably in the chair. I said, “Why do you think your mind took us
to this particular memory?” She replied, “I think it’s because no matter
how good the house looked, it was never clean enough. My mother
always referred to our house as a pigsty, and I was so confused by this.”
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I said, “I’m sure it was very confusing for you to look at a house that was
immaculate and hear your mother call it a pigsty.”
“Did your mother require you to clean the house?” “Oh yes,” she
said. “But every time I cleaned something my mother would redo it. If I
washed the floor, my mother would say ‘It’s not good enough’ and then
she’d rewash the floor!” “Why do you think your mother acted in this
way?” I asked. “My grandparents were really critical of my mom. No
matter what she did, it was never good enough in their eyes. I guess my
mom just wanted her parents’ approval and thought that if her house
were perfect then her parents would love her. But that never happened,
and when my grandparents finally died, my mom stopped cleaning. If
you saw her house now it really does look like a pigsty.”
Charlene attributed her excellent organizational skills to her mother.
But from what you just read, it’s obvious why she would be so conflicted
about cleaning her own home. How her mother acted had nothing to
do with Charlene. But as a child she believed it did. Now Charlene was
paralyzed by the fear of not being able to get her home clean enough
even if it was “perfect.” So she didn’t even try. This is another example
of learned helplessness. The good news is that we were able to transform
those fears using the very techniques you’ve been learning. Charlene
was able to clean her home and feel that it was finally good enough,
because she was able to re-parent herself and recognize that deep down
inside, she was good enough. It is this discovery that always leads to the
greatest breakthroughs in people’s lives.
Many perfectionists keep an immaculate home. The tidy, spotless
home becomes a metaphor or reflection of the person. “If the house is
dirty, it means that I am dirty.” This is an irrational cause-effect idea,
but we are not dealing with logic or rationality here. We are dealing
with emotions and unconscious beliefs that shape people’s views of
themselves.
The belief that if you can’t get everything done that you want to (or get
it done perfectly) then you’re not going to do anything at all is a form of
all-or-nothing thinking. Common examples of this are: If I can’t walk for
thirty minutes today, I’m not going to exercise at all. If I eat one cookie,
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I’ve blown my diet, so I might as well eat the whole bag! I’m already ten
minutes late, so who cares if I even go?
Pattern Interrupts to Halt Perfectionist Thinking
The fastest way to interrupt this type of faulty thinking is with a quick
analogy. Imagine carrying a tray of glasses. One of the glasses falls
off of the tray and breaks. What should you do? Set the tray down and
clean up the glass? Or should you dump the rest of the glasses onto the
floor? “I broke one; I might as well smash them all!” The next time you
catch yourself playing the all-or-nothing game, think about dumping over
an entire tray of glasses. Hopefully this will interrupt your self-sabotaging
pattern of thinking! Then replace that thought with, “If I can’t do a lot, I’ll
do a little. I can always do something!”
If, in this chapter, I’m describing you, here’s your way out of this
limiting pattern. First, you are not a perfectionist. You are an amazing
human being who is behaving like a perfectionist. Always separate
the person from the behavior. Second, add the words “according to
whom?” after the idea that something has to be done perfectly. “The
house has to look perfect . . . according to whom?” You might reply
reflexively, “To me.” Yet, if you dig a little further, you’ll discover that you
weren’t born thinking in this way. It was instilled in you. “My home has to
look perfect . . . according to whom?” According to my mother. Nothing
is ever good enough. My house could be spotless and she would come
over and make some kind of demeaning comment about it.”
Here’s the next question to ask yourself, “Why do you give a crap
what she thinks?” You don’t have to live up to your mother’s standards.
You’re not a child anymore. Besides, why try to be more like your mother
when she’s not happy? Remember my mottos: “Don’t learn how to become
rich from poor people” and “Don’t learn how to be happy from those
who are not.” Your mother has her own issues, and she’s supporting a
belief that if her home isn’t perfect, then she isn’t worthy of existing. By
the way, your mom wasn’t born thinking in that way either. So let’s stop
passing B.S.-thinking down the family tree!
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People who succeed refuse to let their circumstances,
environments, or past decide their fate.
As you continue to clarify what you really want and why you want
it, you’ll then discover ways of getting it without feeling the need to be
“perfect.” Trust that God will deliver what you need, when you need
it. You do your part, and God will do his. You don’t always have to
know exactly how something will work out, because it doesn’t usually
happen in the way you expect anyway. It can be quite a relief when you
cast aside self-doubt, because you realize that everything happens for a
reason. There are no accidents. There are no coincidences. The universe
is intelligent, and you are living in a magical world that is constantly
being co-created by you and God.
Relinquish that fearful state of having to control everything by trusting
that when you begin to move toward what you want, what you want
will move toward you. If you do not immediately get what you want,
trust that there is a reason for it, and be thankful for the opportunity to
learn and grow. It is often in our greatest moments of frustration that we
suddenly stumble upon the insight that leads us to our greatest personal
discoveries. Generating a stronger faith in God is all part of the process.
My mentor believes strongly in developing your faith. He once said,
“Some people question that there is a God. If you do not believe that
there is a God, a power higher than yourself, then that makes you the
God in your life. And frankly, you’re just not qualified for that position.”
It can be tempting to retreat to old habits and behaviors when life
becomes challenging, yet to go backward only moves you farther from the
pleasure you really desire. Keep pressing forward no matter what, and
you will eventually get through anything! Being perfect isn’t everything.
Being yourself is!
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Who’s Sitting on Your Shoulder?
You’ve probably had the experience of feeling like there are two of
you in that head of yours. One voice that roots you on and the other that
bullies and frightens you. Some describe this as having an angel on one
shoulder and the devil on the other. The angel says, “Great job” and the
devil says “You got lucky this time.”
Which voice becomes loudest and most believable? The one you
focus on the most! Thus, your mission is to strengthen the angelic voice by
paying attention to and supporting it, even if at first you don’t believe in
what it says. Otherwise, that fearful, skeptical, pessimistic voice will take
over, which is likely what’s already happened. And when this happens,
you’ll find yourself focused on all the things that are wrong with your life.
Giving attention to your problems only attracts more of them. So your
focus must always be on the solution to those challenges and not the
challenges themselves.
“Where your attention goes energy flows.”
~
“What you think about comes about.”
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Self-sabotage: The Trap
If you constantly review all the things that are wrong or bad about
you or your circumstances, it’ll only make them seem worse. Instead of
using frustration as a motivator for change, it buries you in feelings of
unworthiness, overwhelm, and procrastination. Additionally, if you let
the fearful inner critic take charge, it will convince you there is nothing
you can do about the situation, which generates unbelievable amounts
of suffering and misery, the kind that keeps you up at night worrying
about the future! This is the most common cycle of self-sabotage, because
this devil on your shoulder tricks you into thinking you’re a victim of your
own life, and that notion is unequivocally false!
The battle cry of someone who’s fallen into this trap is: “No matter
what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ve done everything and nothing ever
works!” People who support this type of thinking resist taking consistent
positive action because they believe “it won’t matter anyway,” and this
is the real reason they haven’t changed.
A sense of helplessness and hopelessness are the major causes of
depression. Depression occurs when you become certain that your past
was limited and painful and therefore your future will be too.
If you let the fearful inner critic take charge,
it will convince you there is nothing you can do about the situation.
It tricks you into thinking you’re a victim.
Depression occurs when you become certain that
your past was limited and painful and therefore your future will be too.
You desire a higher quality of life. Thus, you’re going to have to rise
up to the occasion despite your current situation or environment. Because
every day is chaotic and busy, it’s easy to get caught up in the challenges
that continually occur. For most, sadly, the goal is to get through the day,
rather than use it to reach your goals.
It’s easy to tell when you’re off course because you’ll manage life
in a state of crisis rather than with passion and persistence. Instead of
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actively striving to reach your goals, you’ll spend time “putting out fires”
or making up excuses for not following through.
How you handle obstacles reveals what you really think about yourself
and others. In life there are no victims, only volunteers. Even if bad things
happen to you, you must stand your ground and remember that pain is
inevitable, but suffering is optional!
It’s not what happens but how you interpret what has happened
that makes you a victim or a victor. Both are
voluntary states of mind.
In case you think your situation is too much for anyone to cope with,
I recommend reading the story of Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who
survived Auschwitz: A Man’s Search for Meaning (Perseus, 2002).
One client said, “I feel so lost because every day feels exactly the
same. It’s like I’m going through the motions of living. Life is happening
around me but I’m not participating in it!”
If you’re currently in the middle of this self-defeating pattern (and
listening to the sabotaging devil on your shoulder), here’s how to break
free: refocus your attention onto what your priorities are, what you want,
and the outcome(s) you desire (in other words, listen to the empowering
angel on your other shoulder).
Instead of focusing on where you’re at and what hasn’t worked,
place your attention onto what you can do about it!
This is why knowing what you want, versus what you don’t want,
is so vitally important. What you identify, you attract. If you continue
to identify what you don’t want, that’s what you will continue to attract.
For instance, if you were to say, “I want to stop procrastinating. I can’t
seem to stop procrastinating and I don’t know what’s wrong with me?
Can you please help me stop procrastinating?” All you’ll be able to do
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is procrastinate because that’s really what you’re focused on. Instead,
emphasize what you really want.
In your notebook . . .
Go back and reread what you wrote in your notebook for chapter
one Power Question number four: What would you rather believe
instead? (What is the opposite of this old belief?) Do this to see what you
wrote to change your original self-limiting belief. Read your answers to
number four out loud, and for each answer, notice (with your new level
of awareness) what word(s) you keep hearing the most. If you need
to, reword your Power Question number four answers so
that you repeat the word(s) you want your unconscious to
focus on.
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For just a moment, conjure up an image of your stone with your new
empowering beliefs carved into it. Then visualize yourself climbing on top
of that stone. It’s like a giant mountain that you stand upon with your hands
extended in the air in the sign of victory. (Look at the cover of this book.)
Now imagine these new beliefs surging up through the rock and
entering the soles of your feet, moving with power through your body,
and entering your magnificent brain. Feel this energy transform into a
radiant light that fills your body and then exits the top of your head and
extends out into the universe. Feel this beautiful light surround you as it
lights up the sky. It’s as though you are sending out a new message to the
universe that says, “Here I am! My time is now. I have the power. This is
want I want. Send me the people, situations, and events to make it so!”
How to Stop a Pity Party
Nowadays, if I catch myself slipping into that old, sabotaging pattern
of feeling sorry for myself (the self-sabotaging devil on your shoulder
tells you there’s nothing you can do to overcome your circumstances), I
quickly do the following. Please join me in this pity-party escape!
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Chapter 11 How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks
Place the back of your right hand against your forehead while
extending your left hand out. Look up and exclaim in the loudest, wimpiest
voice you can muster, “Poor me! I’m such a loser!” Do this now and
get yourself laughing at how silly you are being!
Did you put your hands out and repeat the phrase? Make sure you
do so before reading on!
This exercise is another kind of pattern interrupt. It’s a highly effective
tool for stopping cycles of behavior that cause pain in your life.
BE the Angel on Your Shoulder
Even if you have to fake it until you make it, you’ve got to start
treating yourself like you would a dear, beloved friend. Your goal is to
love, honor, support, and encourage yourself when times are good and
especially when times are bad. When you accomplish this, your life will
be transformed. You may still have wants and desires, but your life will
also be enjoyable right now because you’re loving and supportive of
yourself regardless of your circumstances.
If you don’t take this good advice, you’ll find that no matter what
you are able to accomplish, you will still feel empty inside, and your
inner security will continually be influenced by what what’s currently
happening in your life. You have to love yourself right now, regardless
of what’s happening in your life! Inner security comes from loving and
accepting yourself for who you are right now. Your environment and
circumstances can change, but the love and respect you hold for yourself
must never waiver.
Napoleon Hill, author of the classic book Think and Grow Rich
(Aventine Press, 2004) said, “What the mind of man can conceive
and believe it can achieve.” This is true, but you have to believe it,
and that means believing in yourself.
We struggle so much and get let down so many times it’s easy to think
self-sabotaging thoughts like “My dreams are never going to happen” or
“I’m just fooling myself.” But for those who persist and continue to believe
in themselves, the dream becomes reality, and that reality is often better
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than you’d hoped for. Your dreams are waiting for you. We’ll discover
them next together.
For more information and practical strategies for transforming your
inner critic and creating a powerful success-oriented attitude beyond
the strategies in this book, read The Power of Optimism! Strategies for
Silencing Your Inner Critic! Available at www.ShurrSuccess.com.
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What Do You Really Want?
Since you attract what you hold constant in your mind, it’s best to keep
your desires front and center. It’s good to be rooted in reality; however,
to create something new, you must first imagine what is not yet real.
Everything that is now was first somebody’s dream. What is your dream?
If you want to feel successful, ask yourself 1) what being successful
means to you, and 2) how will you know when you are a success?
Success means something different to everyone. So does being wealthy.
Having a million dollars in the bank is great, but it doesn’t make you
wealthy. To me, and to many of my “wealthy” friends, it means having
balance and abundance in all areas of your life. Having money without
love, connection, or a feeling of significance and growth equals an
unhappy person with lots of cash.
I’ve met men who felt they were wealthy, and I felt they were too,
who made $50,000 a year. They weren’t millionaires or even hundred-
thousandaires. Yet they lived within their means, had lovely homes, lovely
families, lovely friends, and they were lovely people. I admire these men
and strive to be “lovely” like them, albeit with a bit more cash flow. !
(<Did you remember to smile?)
When I wanted to feel successful or wealthy, I’d drive through fancy
neighborhoods or test drive expensive cars. I’d go to networking events
and introduce myself to successful people or attend events that other like-
minded individuals attended. In other words, I’d act as if I was already a
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success, because like attracts like. I began treating myself as a successful
person, and then I became one.
It’s time to close the gap between where you are and where you
want to be. You have the power and the ability to create your dream life.
You can have what you want and it is okay to dream big. Many aim too
low in life because they are afraid of failing. I suggest shooting for the
moon. If you miss, you’ll still land among the stars! Whatever it is you
want, be sure it’s so important to you that when you achieve it, it will
have you dancing around for months!
Can you describe your dream life? What gets your blood pumping
when you think about it? When you fantasize about what your life could
be like, what drives you and why is it so exciting?
Two things probably came to mind:
You have a vague “big picture” of what you’d like. “I’d like financial
freedom and more free time with my family.” This is nice, but too vague to
actually attain. How much money do you actually need to be financially
free? It’s less than you might think. How much free time? What would
you do with that time?
“I don’t know what I want.” This is because you spend all your 1.
time focused on what you don’t want. Or, you do know what you
want but fear you’ll never get it, so you think “why bother.”
Everyone has something they secretly desire. Maybe you want to 2.
lose thirty pounds, have better friends, a beachfront property, get
that degree, become a black belt, or travel to Paris. The goals
vary as much as people do. For some, just getting their home
clean would be an amazing experience!
Consider Your Core Values
Pursuing your dream or goal (what you want) and having a vision,
or purpose, for your life (why you want that dream or goal) helps you to
feel like you’re on a mission. That keeps you enthusiastic about getting
out of bed in the morning.
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Your desires (why you want that dream or goal) are driven by your
core values. Your core values determine what you are willing to spend
the most time, energy, and money pursuing, and they give you the most
pleasure in life. Having these driving desires can also pull you through
some of the toughest times.
Choose a dream or goal where your beliefs and values are in
alignment with your actions and behaviors. Knowing what you want,
why you want it, and what needs to be done to have it is liberating
because that gives you clarity.
If your goals are in alignment with your values,
you will naturally feel motivated to achieve them.
In your notebook . . .
As specifically as possible, and keeping in mind your
core values, write down the dream(s) or goal(s) you want to
achieve. Be sure to use the positive wording you want your unconscious
mind to focus on. Do this now.
The 80/20 Rule
Now that you know what you want, how will you make your dream
or goal happen? Many fall victim to the 80/20 Rule: You spend 80
percent of your time getting 20 percent done. You should be spending
80 percent of your time on activities that give you the greatest amount of
return for your energy and effort!
How do you get back on track? If you are wasting incredible amounts
of time checking e-mail, putting out fires, or doing the work of others,
you can break free from this sabotage by developing a mission statement
for your life and then basing your personal and work decisions on your
mission. You already know your dream or goal; that is what you want.
Your mission is why you want it. It is your inner motivation for achieving
your dream or goal.
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Answering the following questions when you feel down, stuck, or
upset will help you to regain clarity about the decisions you’re currently
making. These questions are so important, you need to answer them
immediately before moving forward. Everything else will be based upon
the answers you give.
In your notebook . . .
Write down your answers to the following questions. To
define what your mission is, and to accomplish this, we ask proactive
questions.
What do you want the purpose of your life to be? 1.
How do you want to be remembered? 2.
What kind of contribution do you want to make while you’re here? 3.
If you have thirty seconds left to live, what would you tell your 4.
children are the most important things about life?
What brings you the most joy? 5.
If you had lots of money and free time, how would you spend it 6.
and why?
After you have answered the above questions for yourself, review
the main themes of your answers and reduce them into a simple
summarization of how you’d like to live the remainder of your life. Your
mission statement should include what you want (your dream or goal)
and why you want it (why your dream or goal is so important to you).
Here’s a sample mission statement. “My mission is to enjoy each
day, be lovingly connected with my family, help others in positive and
meaningful ways, challenge myself, and create abundance so I can
share it with those in need.” This is actually my mission statement. I
have it printed out and hanging over my computer monitor as a constant
reminder of how to spend my time.
Write your mission statement in your notebook. Take the
time to do this now.
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Your mission statement should include what you want (your dream or goal)
and why you want it (why your dream or goal is so important to you).
When feeling rushed or overwhelmed, I remind myself of my mission
and then take action to get back on track. I take action by becoming
more conscious of how I’m communicating with myself in the moment
and then readjusting my focus. From there I adjust my decisions and
then act accordingly. The process itself is simple. Remembering to follow
through on the process under pressure is where it gets challenging.
Now that you have clarified what you want and why you want it,
we will spend the remainder of this book on exercises that will empower
you with the self-confidence and psychological resources necessary for
following through until you are ultimately successful. !
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Hit the Ground Running
Once you 1) update your beliefs, 2) rewrite your history, and 3)
hold constant in your mind the image for how you wish your life to be,
the next step is to take action toward getting what you want. Whether it’s
one small step at a time or an all-out charge, you have to move toward
what you want. Just thinking your way to success will never work. If your
goal were to get to the end of your driveway, you would never get there
just by sitting on your couch visualizing yourself there. You must get off
your butt, put one foot in front of the other, and move.
Sometimes the best way to get results is by picking a direction and
then taking action. Aiming is good, but sometimes what you really need
is to pull the trigger. Even if you miss a lot, at least you’re firing off a
couple of rounds! I train my coaching clients to do this right from the
beginning.
I tell them, “The more quickly you take action on what I teach you,
the better results you will get. The more you analyze what I say, question
it, or procrastinate, the more time, energy, and money you will waste!”
Wondering what-if is great . . . if you want your life to remain the same
or get worse.
Taking action can immediately make you feel empowered. Inaction
can make you feel powerless. Even if you take action for no purpose
other than to make yourself feel better, which is a good reason, the end
result will be positive. If, on the other hand, you want your situation to
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greatly improve, you’ve got to take a leap of faith. No testing the water.
Just jump in and make a splash.
Taking action can instantly make you feel empowered.
I was on the swim team throughout high school. Every day at practice
I knew the water would be freezing. The longer I delayed jumping in, the
colder the water seemed to be. Eventually I learned to immediately jump
in before I had time to think about it so that I could get used to the cold
water faster! It created a new realization in my brain: The faster I jump
in, the quicker I’ll feel better!
Zig Ziglar once said that if you throw a frog into a pan of boiling
water, the frog will immediately jump out. Yet, if you set a frog in cold
water and steadily increase the temperature, that frog will sit there and
cook. Some people cook in their stressful lives until it eventually claims
them. You will be different. You’re worth more than that, so no matter
what life throws your way, just keep jumping and you’ll succeed!
By the way, a good book on jumping comes from Brian Tracy. It’s
called Eat That Frog!” (Berrett-Koehler, 2002). If you had to eat a frog,
the best thing to do is shove it into your mouth and swallow. The longer
you stare at the frog, the worse it will be. Brian offers lots of great advice
for getting and staying motivated. I highly recommend the book.
Allowing your mind to distract you will only make matters worse. Even
when your beliefs are positive and well-intentioned, your mind can still act
like a distracted toddler at times. This is when you need to stand in your
power, realize that excuses and justifications are creating pain in your
life, and that you’re not putting up with it any longer! As you repeatedly
do this, your unconscious will get the message and begin doing it for you!
When that happens, it’s a whole new ballgame! Take action now!
You want your unconscious mind thinking, “My new goals are a
must! I’m not going to try any longer, nor am I going to hope it works.
Instead, I’m going to make it happen! I will persist until I succeed, and I
will succeed if I persist long enough! There is no other option but success,
and I am ready for it!”
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“I will persist until I succeed, and I will succeed if I persist long enough!”
~
Triumph is made up of one part “tri” and nine parts “umph!”
When people use words like “try” and “hope,” you can be pretty sure
that they aren’t serious about making it happen. They are just pacifying
you, or themselves. If you catch yourself saying these words, immediately
correct yourself by saying, “I either will or will not take this action. Which
is it going to be?” Put yourself on the spot and make yourself accountable
for the actions you take. Remember, not taking action is still an action. Be
responsible for your choices. Doing so will keep you empowered.
Even if you choose not to take action toward a goal immediately,
at least you can feel good about making the decision that you will; you
would do even better to set a starting date and hold yourself to it. People
who feel helpless are still trying to pass the buck as though it’s some
invisible force that’s keeping them from stepping up. It’s their “justification
of the day,” and you’re not tolerating that from yourself any longer. You’re
the boss of yourself! You’re in charge of your mind! And you’re taking
charge now! There’s a new sheriff in town, and it’s you, baby!
“Boats are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what they’re built for.”
Zig Ziglar
Beware of Doing Too Much Too Fast
A huge mistake that I and many of my achiever-type clients make
is being in a hurry to accomplish as many goals and tasks as humanly
possible thinking that it’s going to get you to the ultimate goal faster.
Actually what it does is burn you out and leave you feeling as though
nothing you attain is ever enough. It’s like being on an endless pursuit
to prove yourself, even when you’ve already proven yourself a hundred
times over.
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“No one was born wise.
It comes from making more good choices more than bad choices,
and learning from each.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It’s not the final destination that counts. It’s the journey you take getting
there that shapes your character, positively affects those around you, and
makes your final destination that much sweeter. Once you learn to enjoy
the process, you won’t be in such a rush to get where you’re going. This
will take the pressure off, and things will go much smoother for you.
Besides, the only destination that’s final is death, and I’m not in a hurry
to get there! Living life in the fast lane gets you to the end quicker! I see
this pattern running rampant in big organizations and small businesses
alike. Businesspeople scramble all day trying to force their success. I’m
an absolute believer in hard work and charging forward, yet I’ve also
learned to go with the flow. There’s a time for action and a time to allow
your actions to take effect.
If you plant a tomato seed and then check the next day expecting a
tomato, you’ll be disappointed. Some things take time to grow. Sticking to the
tomato analogy, even when nothing seems to be happening on the surface,
an entire root system is forming within the dirt. With persistence, time, and
energy, you will eventually be rewarded with a juicy, ripe tomato.
Experience teaches when to take action and when to be motivated to
take a break. A young surfer in California once told me that life is a lot
like surfing. “Dude, with time you learn to swim after the wave you want
and really enjoy riding it. It’s just as beautiful floating around waiting for
the next wave to ride.”
Have you ever had a day where you worked your butt off but felt that
nothing was accomplished? That’s a frustrating feeling, and it’s usually a
sign that you need to “float” for a while until you are clear again about
what’s most important.
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Distractions: Challenges to Triumph Over
Think of distractions as life’s way of testing you to see if you will stick
to your original plan or become sidetracked. It’s as if God is saying,
“How bad do you really want this?” If he sees you are sincere and
willing to persist even when it gets difficult, he will show you the way.
When you put forth your plan with sincerity in your heart and tenacity in
your step, God provides the opportunity each step of the way.
Man creates the plan. God provides the steps.
Run with Blinders On
Don’t concern yourself with having to know what every single step will
be until you reach your goal. It’s impossible to know. Be a Thoroughbred;
run with blinders on. As Art Leidecker, a successful businessman, once said,
“Just get started, make your best choice at the time, and correct on the fly.”
In other words, as you begin taking action, the next couple of steps
will present themselves on cue. You can drive all the way from New York
to Los Angeles in thick fog and still arrive safely. You might not be able to
see more than ten feet ahead of you, but if you keep the car moving and
watch for the signs that guide you, eventually you’ll get there!
If you set a goal to exercise for ten minutes each day starting
tomorrow morning, set the alarm and place your gym shoes next to the
bed. If you’re going to get on the treadmill, then go downstairs and take
all the laundry off of it. Do something that reinforces your commitment to
following through right away! Take action now.
“Never leave the sight of setting a goal without first
taking some form of positive action toward its attainment.”
Tony Robbins
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Two Factors That Guarantee Results
Regardless of whether it’s a holiday, vacation, or a parent ends up in
the hospital, your goals remain the same. They do not change because
other things come up. It’s following through in spite of life’s distractions
that mold you into the person you wish to become.
Why do only 5 percent of the population actually experience their
dream lives? Because 95 percent of the world lacks the understanding and
maturity to 1) apply what they learn, and 2) persist until they succeed.
The deciding factors between whether you will get what you want or
not is how well you are able to apply and persist. You can have all the
wisdom and talent in the world, but if you don’t apply the knowledge you
acquire and stick with your goals until you reach them, it won’t matter!
Research studies have confirmed that people give themselves much
more credit than they deserve. People consistently overestimate how
much effort and energy they put into tasks. For instance, have you ever
thought, “I’ve tried everything to achieve this goal.” Be honest. Is it even
possible to try everything? No. In fact, you have likely only attempted
a few things that resembled the same approach, and only for a short
period of time, thirty days or less.
There was once a man who had many reasons to give up his dream.
He failed at business at age thirty-one. Then he decided to run for political
office. He ran for legislature at thirty-two, and was defeated. He was
then elected to legislature at thirty-four, but his sweetheart died at thirty-
five. He had a nervous breakdown at age thirty-six. He ran for speaker
at thirty-eight; he was defeated. He ran for electorate at forty and was
defeated again. He then ran for congress in 1843 and was defeated
again. Finally he was elected to congress in ’46, but he was defeated
for congress in ’48. He ran for senate in 1850; he was defeated. He ran
for vice president in ’56 and was defeated. He ran for senate in ’58 and
was defeated. In 1860 he ran for president of the United States. He won.
His name? Abraham Lincoln. This was his journey.
Abe had more reasons than anyone to give up. He was from a poor
family, born into disadvantage. But he didn’t let that stop him. He kept
marching forward anyway and became one of the greatest presidents
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of the United States. Yes, after all that, he still got shot in the head, but
that’s beside the point. ! Many would have thought Abe to be a terrible
failure, but we continue to salute him to this very day because he never
gave up. He kept marching forward in pursuit of his dreams.
It is time for you to do the same. You will persist until you succeed,
and in doing so, you will. Refuse to be the miner who stopped digging
six inches short of the gold. You never know when that fantastic break is
going to happen for you. So make that one extra telephone call. Go for
that one extra walk. Take that one extra risk, and make the difference in
your life. You’ll always be glad you did.
Two factors that guarantee results:
Apply the knowledge you acquire,
and stick with your goals until you reach them.
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Chapter Fourteen
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Many will say they want to be happy and successful, but very few
will actually step up and do what it takes to become a happy, successful
person. There’s a reason why getting what you want requires energy. It’s
the process of getting what you want that actually shapes your character
in a way that makes the results possible. Without this journey, you won’t
be able to sustain the results you’ve achieved.
People who use invasive surgery or fad diets to lose weight often
gain it all back within six months. Four out of five multi-million-dollar
lottery winners find themselves right back where they started financially
within five years. These people didn’t earn the right or gain the maturity
to become “successful” in this way.
Think of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. She had the power to return
home the entire movie. Yet she would not have believed it were possible
even if Glenda (the good witch) had told her this. She needed the journey
to Oz to rediscover herself. Along the journey, she met characters that
represented courage, heart, and a stronger mental attitude. Although
Dorothy originally thought that the wizard was the one who would
ultimately save her, she eventually discovered that the real wizard (power)
resided within her.
With this new knowledge, she was able to confront and overcome her
fears through defeating the Wicked Witch and return home again. When
she did finally get back to Kansas, she was able to finally appreciate
those around her at a deeper level. The people and her surroundings had
not changed, but she had, and that was what made all the difference.
You are on a magical journey too. Even though you too have the
power and “magic” within you, it’s in the journey that you will find all
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your dreams coming true. Therefore, instead of resisting or complaining
about the challenges or uncertainties you face, embrace them with a
spirit of adventure, and know that whatever you experience in life will
only make you stronger in the years to come. It’s all about attitude.
The stronger your PMA, positive mental attitude, the easier your life
will be. This chapter will help you to strengthen yours.
The Power of You
How would you describe your attitude? Optimistic or pessimistic? Is
your glass half full or half empty? The word attitude is used to describe
the basic assumptions you’ve made about the nature of life.
A miserable man by the name of Murphy came up with the expression,
“If anything can go wrong, it will.” Murphy’s Law is perfect for those
who wish to go through life feeling scared and unfulfilled. The problem
with expecting things to go wrong is that doing so sets up self-fulfilling
prophecies, as we’ve already discussed.
You probably display both optimistic and pessimistic attitudes,
depending on the situation. The goal is to maintain a positive, realistic
attitude with an expectation that things will work out for the best. Believe
this is true, and it will become so for you!
You were not born with the attitude you now have. It was learned
and shaped through your upbringing and life experience. This means
that you can trade in your old attitude for a new one if it will improve
your life!
I first heard the following tale from Zig Ziglar, an incredibly motivating
human being. It illustrates the main difference between an optimist and a
pessimist and the kind of life each will have.
A father with good intentions was raising his two seven-year-old boys.
Both were good kids, but they had polar opposite attitudes. One of the
boys was an extreme optimist. It didn’t matter what was happening, this
kid looked at the bright side of things. His brother, on the other hand,
was extremely pessimistic. No matter what the situation, he found the
negative in it. The boys’ father eventually decided it wasn’t good for his
boys to be so extreme one way or the other. One night, while his sons
were sleeping in their separate bedrooms, he initiated the intervention.
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The father snuck into his pessimistic son’s room and placed brand
new toys all over the floor. Lots of packages and new toys to play with
surrounded the bed. “This ought to cheer him up!” the father thought to
himself. Next, he snuck into his optimistic son’s room and poured horse
manure all over the floor. As he piled up the stinky piles of horse poop,
he thought, “This ought to calm him down a bit.” Then he washed up
and went to bed.
The following morning the father awoke to his pessimistic son crying.
He ran into his pessimistic son’s room and discovered the boy sitting
in front of a pile of unopened toys. The father asked, “Son, what’s the
matter?” His sobbing boy looked up at him and said, “Daddy, oh, Daddy.
I can’t play with any of these toys! What if I break one?” His father was
dumbfounded and then heard his optimistic son yelling and laughing in
the other room.
As the father entered his optimistic son’s room, he found him jumping
head first into the horse manure. The shocked father exclaimed, “Son,
what are you doing?” The boy replied, “Daddy, oh, Daddy. I know
there’s a pony in here somewhere!”
Some find this tale funny. Others think it’s a crappy story! ! I suppose
it all depends on your attitude! Let’s review what you’ve learned thus far.
First, your attitude will determine the quality of life you have. Second,
your attitude is a choice. It’s not something you are born with, but rather
something you support. At any time, you can support a more successful
attitude. Even though humans are born with certain temperaments and
dispositions—some are introverted while others are extroverted—how
you approach life is still a choice!
Your attitude will determine the quality of life you have.
At any time, you can support a more successful attitude.
What you need to learn next is that optimism and pessimism are
actually only two of the four attitudes I see people support. The boy
who was splashing around in the horse manure would not actually be
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classified as an optimist in my opinion. Instead, I’d say he was more of
a dreamer.
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1) Dreamer
2) Optimist
3) Troubleshooter
4) Pessimist
Dreamers tend to have their heads too far in the clouds.
They are cheery and good-natured yet not grounded in reality. If a
dreamer were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say, “I’ve been wanting to
go for a swim!”
Optimists are solution-oriented. They realize the gravity of the
situation and begin seeking out the best possible outcomes. Optimists
keep their eyes to the sky but their feet on the ground. If an optimist were
sitting in a sinking boat he’d say, “We are going to be fine. Let’s look for
a way to repair the boat or send a signal for help.”
Troubleshooters are often mistaken for pessimists, but they are
not. Troubleshooters pay attention to details and look for potential
problems. But they don’t get stuck there like pessimists do. Instead, they
look for things that could go wrong so they are prepared.
If a troubleshooter were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say, “That patch
won’t work and the water’s too cold to stay in it long. This boat is going
to sink. I better find another way to keep us from drowning.”
As dreamers keep their heads too far in the clouds, pessimists might
as well be six feet underground! They focus on the worst and get
stuck on the problem itself. Their overall outlook is bleak, and they
play the role of victim or blamer. If a pessimist were sitting in a sinking
boat he’d say, “We are all going to die. I knew this would happen!”
Although I refer to people as dreamers, optimists, troubleshooters, and
pessimists, this is not who they are. It is an attitude they are supporting.
Just like if you break your arm, it doesn’t make you a broken arm. It’s just
something that’s going on with you at the moment.
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In case you’re not convinced that your attitude is what separates the
“haves” from the “have nots,” here is the latest scientific research on
Optimism and Pessimism.
Optimism versus Pessimism
Optimists are solution-oriented. They perceive problems as challenges
or opportunities in disguise. They believe there’s a brighter side to any
situation. Granted, some situations make it difficult to find the silver lining.
Yet optimists realize that if it’s a 50/50 decision to feel good or bad,
they choose to feel good. You should too!
Pessimists, on the other hand, are problem-oriented and get fixated
on the problem itself. Instead of looking for ways to learn or resolve the
situation, they complain about it or feel sorry for themselves. Pessimists
go through life expecting the worst and often experience it because of
their lack of accountability.
Optimists are solution-oriented.
Pessimists are problem-oriented and get fixated on the problem itself.
After thousands of research studies, sociologists have unveiled what
optimistic people have known all along. Optimists are found to be
twice as healthy, happy, and wealthy compared to people who support
pessimistic attitudes. Optimists are often great achievers and are also
more successful in their endeavors. This is likely because they look for
solutions and positive outcomes, and thus, find them.
People who support an optimistic attitude are more productive,
creative, and motivated professionally, and they report higher job
satisfaction. They also tend to be more understanding and confident in
relationships, both at work and in their personal lives. Optimists exhibit
an internal locus of control, which means they report having personal
power and a strong influence over what happens in their lives. This
creates greater feelings of peace and a sense of mental, emotional, and
spiritual balance.
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People who support a pessimistic attitude report having more health
problems, lower energy, and reduced vitality. They complain of feeling
more depressed, overly stressed, and frustrated compared to their
counterparts. They tend to make a lot less money as well and are often
skipped over for promotions.
They procrastinate more often because “it’s not going to make any
difference anyway.” They miss deadlines, have more career changes,
and complain of being disillusioned by each new employer. They worry
constantly and are fearful and skeptical of others. They take fewer
chances (risks) and are overly critical of themselves and others when
mistakes are made. Even when mistakes aren’t made, pessimists tend to
be hypercritical of themselves and others.
People who support a pessimistic attitude also seem to attract more
“bad luck” and disappointments into their lives because this is where
their attention is focused. What you focus on, you find. If you go through
life only looking for problems, you’ll find problems wherever you look.
Solutions will also be available, but pessimists won’t see them because
they don’t believe a solution exists, or at least that one doesn’t exist for
him/her.
Pessimists have a strong external locus of control, meaning they
believe life happens to them and they have no control over the outcome.
The unconscious payoff is, “If I’m not responsible for anything that
happens, then I don’t have to take responsibility for anything either.”
This gives you a free pass to continue behaving immaturely rather than
facing your fears, putting effort into making things better, and growing
as a result. Thus, they end up sabotaging themselves.
You may have friends or relatives who are like this. They constantly
complain about the same issues while ignoring good advice. For those
of you frustrated by these people, know that they wouldn’t behave in this
manner if there weren’t a positive intention behind it. Every action has
a positive intention at the root of it, even if the behavior seems insane.
Perhaps they get to continue playing the victim, blame another for their
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life, or feel a sense of certainty or connection with themselves through
remaining angry or hurt. Of course, this occurs unconsciously, meaning
they are not aware of what’s driving their immature behavior.
Overcoming the Pessimism of Others
Many pessimists, even if they are aware of their attitude, still don’t
have a clue as to how to change the way they feel or behave. Awareness
of pessimism does not create change. The best way to help your annoying
friends and relatives is to give them a copy of this book. If people do the
best they can with what they know, this book will increase the “know”
part for them.
Here’s one more tip for stopping people from wasting your precious
time with their endless tirades of self-pity. Whenever you’ve had enough of
their whining, abruptly interrupt him/her and start feverishly complaining
about your own problems. Go on a tangent. Talk loud and fast and make
it appear like you have no intention of stopping for quite some time!
Pessimists are lousy listeners, and they aren’t interested in hearing
about your problems when their own are so important. When you start
in, they will suddenly find some reason for why they have to let you go
and the conversation will be over! Then you can sit back and enjoy how
devilishly clever you are. !
Perhaps with this newfound information, you will be even more
committed to supporting an optimistic, or troubleshooting, attitude since
it’s statistically proven to make your life better. Yet, you might be thinking,
“I’ve supported all four attitudes at one time or another.”
That’s true, and we all have. You may, for example, be very positive
in certain areas of your life and switch to total pessimist in others. I’ve met
very competent, successful businessmen and women who were extremely
optimistic about their careers. Yet when it came to their weight problem
they were complete pessimists!
It’s easy to feel optimistic when things are going well, but how do
you respond to life when it becomes stressful? Do you dwell more on
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the problems or obstacles at hand when life puts the squeeze on you?
Do you begin worrying or become more critical of yourself? Do you
start complaining or distracting yourself with food, cigarettes, alcohol,
or TV? Do you get overwhelmed easily or lose your temper and point the
blame? Maybe you feel beat up by life and catch yourself thinking, “No
matter what I do, nothing seems to work out.” In other words, ongoing
challenges may have made you pessimistic.
A Positive Self-Attitude: A Matter of Focus
The thoughts you choose to focus on can either raise your self-attitude
or plummet it. They can either strengthen you or destroy you. I worked
with Sally, a client who was very upset about an interaction she had with
an employee. Sally asked, “Why do I focus on this one person when I
get along so well with everyone else?” I replied, “How often did you
repeat the words and visualize the movie in your head regarding this
employee you had the confrontation with?” Sally said, “I don’t know. I
can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I just keep playing the situation over
and over again.” I said, “And how many times did you replay the words
and images of all the wonderful things that the other employees have
said and done for you?” Sally replied, “I haven’t done that at all.”
The real reason why you do nine things really well and focus on
the one that didn’t go so well is because you are focusing on that one
thing, and that is detrimental to your self-attitude! You need to continually
redirect your mind toward the nine things you did great. I told Sally to
begin actively thinking about the other employees who treated her really
well. I also taught her one more trick.
“Sally, I want you to put this person you had trouble with in the
palm of your hand. Shrink this person down so that he is standing two
inches tall. Then imagine him saying all those critical things but now he
sounds like Mickey Mouse.” Sally imagined this and immediately started
to grin. Then she said, “I want to crush him.” I replied, “Go ahead.”
Sally proceeded to squish him with both hands. “Good, Sally, now throw
him over your shoulder and put this whole situation behind you where it
belongs.” She threw her hand over her shoulder and took a deep breath
in. “I feel much better now. I feel much more in control again.”
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Sometimes adjusting your attitude takes both dealing with the situation
that’s upsetting and redirecting your focus onto something more positive and
empowering. Mostly people try to do one or the other without much success.
Do both and you will succeed. With that much positive attitude, nothing will
stop you from achieving your goals, no matter what the obstacles!
Remember the ruby slippers!
Adjusting your attitude takes both dealing with the situation that’s upsetting
and redirecting your focus onto something more positive and empowering.
Looking at Life from a Different Perspective
For the upcoming exercise, you are going to be introduced to a
technique called reframing. If you take an old picture and put it in a
new frame, it looks better. You’re going to do the same thing with past
memories that have been holding you back or keeping you stuck. As you
change the way you remember, or interpret, the past, it will also change
the way you feel about it.
One of the easiest ways to change the way you experience something
is through modifying its submodalities. This is just a fancy term for
describing the characteristics that form your inner representations. With
Sally, I had her imagine changing the submodalities of the employee she
had trouble with. She made him smaller and she raised the pitch of his
voice to sound like a mouse. Here are some other characteristics you can
modify that will change the way you feel about something.
You can make an image, sound, or feeling: brighter, darker, louder,
softer, taller, shorter, closer, farther, softer, harder, rougher, smoother,
sweeter, or sourer. Changing a location of something by imagining it
either in front or behind you will also change the way it feels. I had Sally
“throw” the employee behind her so that he was no longer in her face.
In the next exercise, I’m going to have you think about something
from your past that may be holding you back now. It could have been a
time when you felt hurt, betrayed, embarrassed, humiliated, or rejected.
It could be a memory of something a person said or did. Or perhaps
think of something you wanted to have happen, but it didn’t.
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During my first experience with this particular exercise, I recalled a
memory of a seminar I did seven years earlier. It was my first big seminar
and I choked. When I think about this memory now, it seems silly and it
wasn’t that big of a deal. But for a long time, it was a huge deal to me,
and I almost quit speaking publicly because of it.
I was hired by a brand name company to provide a training seminar
for its regional managers in Illinois. I remembered starting the program
with my usual jokes and stories that always got people laughing, but
on this occasion, everything seemed to bomb. Nobody even smiled.
Most just stared down at their notebooks as though they hadn’t slept in
weeks. Because of my inexperience with this type of crowd, I panicked
and rushed through all my best material hoping something would inspire
them. After what seemed like days, we took a break and I dashed into
the hallway to hide. It was then that I realized I had delivered my entire
program and we were only half way through the seminar! I still had an
hour and a half and no material! This is probably why I now make sure
to have twice the material for every seminar I provide. Hire me for an
hour and I guarantee I’ll have three hours of material, just in case.
My wife had accompanied me as my assistant at this event. If it
weren’t for her “talking me down” in the hallway, I might have snuck out
of the building. I was so embarrassed and so frustrated. I suddenly felt
completely out of my league. Everyone was cordial, and I did manage
to pull off the rest of the seminar and end on a positive note. How that
happened is still a mystery. But the fun was not over yet. Oh no, it got
even worse than choking in front of the company execs.
After the event, we were all standing in the lobby as the valet pulled our
cars around. Usually I exit the building well before any of the participants,
but not this time. As the Lexuses and BMWs pulled up, I again went into
a panic. You see, at that time I had zero money. My wife and I were just
getting by. It’s the typical rags to riches story you’d read in any Chicken
Soup for the Soul book. My great uncle had just passed away and,
because my old car was falling apart, we bought his for $1000. It was
a 1980 Chrysler Town and Country station wagon complete with wood
trim. All it needed was a surfboard on top and you’d have the perfect
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Beach Boys vehicle. My wife and I called it “the woody,” and we actually
loved that car. It had power everything, and it all worked! The seats were
so comfortable it was like driving your couch around town. But it was
ugly and there was no denying it, especially when you parked it next to
a Mercedes, which is exactly what happened.
The valet pulled the woody up, parked it next to the Mercedes, and
started walking toward me. One of the attendees pointed to the Mercedes
and said, “That one yours?” I smiled and replied, “Not exactly.” I feebly
attempted to explain that I recently bought my great uncle’s car for
sentimental reasons, and although they were again cordial, we all knew
I was lying. It sucked! But it wasn’t over yet! I still had to load the back of
the car with all my stuff, and guess what? I had to hold the rear hatch of the
car open with a broomstick! As Charlie Brown would say, “UUGGHH!”
I thought I was going to die from embarrassment, and I worried so
much about what those people thought of me. I felt unworthy to present
to these “successful” people, and I did a lot of “mind reading.” Even
though my wife and I now laugh about this, uncomfortably so, at the time
it completely shut me down. I even quit lecturing for a few months. After
a while, though, I realized that a new decision had to be made. I could
let this memory destroy my speaking career, or I could somehow make it
work to my advantage. I chose the latter and decided to use this story to
help others feel better about their own mini disasters. I even decided to
put this story into a book one day. Mission completed! Now let’s get to
that exercise I promised you.
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Here’s a quick summary of what I did to change my interpretation of
(my attitude about) this humiliating memory. First, I began to interrupt the
way I played this memory in my mind through altering the submodalities.
This allowed me to disconnect from the negative emotions associated to
that prior experience. Then I reframed the interpretation of the memory
so that instead of feeling humiliated, it became a learning experience. I
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learned to hone my skills, work a crowd of any type more effectively, and
become well prepared. If I had those same executives in a room now,
I’d rock their world!
Now let me take you step-by-step through this process so that you can
create transformations in your own life. Think of a memory that you feel
may be holding you back from advancing in life. Once you’ve identified
one, imagine making a ten-second movie clip out of it. The memory
might be longer than ten seconds, but there is usually a specific portion
of the memory that is most upsetting. This one part seems to be what we
focus on and replay over and over in our minds. Identify this crucial part
of the memory that’s most upsetting to you.
In my particular memory, there were actually three parts: 1) the moment
I cracked a joke that always got laughs and it bombed, 2) the moment I
realized that I was done with all my material halfway through the seminar,
and 3) when valet pulled the woody up in front of everyone. I took these
three “clips” and pasted them together into one ten-second movie.
Step One: Take a moment to identify and zoom in on the most
upsetting moments of a particular memory you’d like to reframe, and
then create your own ten-second movie of shame. ! Do this now.
Step Two: The next step is to change how you play this movie in
your mind through altering the submodalities, or characteristics, of the
memory. Here’s one more example of this. Imagine watching the movie
Jaws on a big screen TV with digital 3-D sound. Pretty intense, right?
Dunn dunt. Dunn dunt. Dun-dunt-Dun-dunt-Dun-dunt-Da-DA! That music
kept people from even entering bath water! But now imagine watching
Jaws with the sound muted. Is it still as scary or intense? No. Now imagine
watching Jaws on a cell phone that’s sitting across the room from you.
Has that altered the affect this movie has on you? Yes. When you make
the movie silent, small, and distant, it lessens the intensity significantly.
To alter your memory, you’re going to play that ten-second movie clip
backward very quickly in the theatre of your mind. When dealing with
trauma, you want to identify the moments before and after the painful
incidents where you felt safe. Before and after the seminar I felt safe. It
was during the seminar that I felt insecure and vulnerable. Start at the
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end of the ten-second clip and reverse the movie with great speed back
to before the painful incident(s) occurred.
For instance, I watched my movie clip from the end, where I was
driving home from the seminar, relieved to be out of there, backward to
the beginning before the seminar actually began. I concentrated on the
feeling of relief that I felt from being done with the seminar and then I
zipped backward as quickly as I could to the beginning of the seminar
where I felt fine as well. In this way, what I was experiencing was a
feeling of safety before and after. The actual seminar was more of a
blur. So when I thought about that day, I began to feel more comfortable
because of where I placed my attention. I still kept all the learnings from
that event, yet I was able to let go of the terrible feelings I had once felt.
I worked with John who had complained of never being able to
relax. He looked stiff as a board and he walked like Frankenstein. I used
hypnosis to regress him back to ten minutes before the initial incident
that caused him to become so tense. He paused for a moment, and then
suddenly his entire body went loose and limp. It was the first time I ever
saw John relax, and I think it surprised him as well. I said, “John, what’s
happening?” He replied, as a tear rolled down his cheek, “I’m twelve
years old and playing with my old glove and baseball. I’m having a lot
of fun just messing around.” I said, “John, where is all the tension?” He
replied, “I don’t know. It’s just not there anymore.” I said, “Great. Soak
up this relaxation, and imagine bringing it up to the present moment so
that you can take it with you when you leave here today.” He imagined
doing so and left my office that day feeling better than he had in years.
Sometimes just focusing on different memories will be enough to free
you from your mental prisons. Thus, I want you to play this abbreviated
movie clip you’ve created from the end where you felt fine, in reverse
where everything moves backward, all the way to the beginning where
you felt fine. As you imagine this movie running in reverse, see and hear
everything and everyone moving and speaking backward. If you’ve ever
rewound a VHS tape backward, you know what I mean. As you watch
this movie in reverse, have it go by very quickly. It may be a ten-second
movie, but you’re going to make it zip through in about three seconds.
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Sometimes just concentrating on different memories
will be enough to free you from your mental prisons.
The submodalities we’re changing are direction and speed. Running
a movie backward faster than normal changes the way you experience
the movie. Think back to the Jaws example. If you watched that movie
in reverse very quickly, or if you sped through the scary parts, it would
change the entire feeling of the movie.
Go ahead and do this five times now. Make the movie rewind faster
and faster, and notice how your feelings change each time. Do this now.
Step Three: Excellent. Now run the ten-second clip backward five
more times, but this time transform the picture into a silent black and
white movie. Then run the clip backward five more times as quickly as
you can, taking no more than three seconds to get through this clip.
Focus on how much better you felt before and after the memory, and let
the middle part become a blur. Do this now.
Now make one more change. As you watch this silent, black and
white three-second movie in reverse, imagine viewing it on a small two-
inch by three-inch television set that’s sitting across the room from you.
Also pretend that this movie has been viewed so many times that the
images are really fuzzy and unclear. It’s no longer necessary to catch
all the details of what happened during the movie. Just change the
submodalities and run it through five more times. Notice how much more
neutral you’re feeling about this movie each time. Do this now.
Very good. I’m sure this was a strange exercise for you, and it’s
supposed to be. That’s what makes it so effective at scrambling the old
feelings and associations you used to have. When you think about this
memory now, have the feelings changed? If not, run through this exercise
a few more times until it does. You can even continue to change the
experience. Instead of muting the volume, add some silly carnival music or
make everyone sound like the Chipmunks! Or perhaps you can imagine
a marching band entering the room and standing in front of you as the
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movie plays behind them. Get creative in how you alter this memory. The
more you alter it, the greater your feelings about it will change.
Step Four: Once you’ve disconnected the memory from the
uncomfortable feelings, it’s time to create an empowering movie to play
in your mind instead. After I scrambled the old memory of the Chicago
seminar, the next step was to create a movie that made me feel more
empowered. I created a new movie clip of me entering that same seminar
again, but this time I was ready. I had plenty of material, my delivery
was superb, and I knew how to handle every person in the room. After
the seminar finished, everyone rushed up to me to say how inspiring it
was. Then I strolled down into the main lobby with my wife and met up
with the limousine driver who was to take us home. I watched this movie
in full color and listened to it in Dolby Digital sound on a huge movie
screen in regular speed directly in front of me. It was great!
If you reframed a memory in that way, do you think it will strengthen
and motivate you? Heck, yes, it will! So take a few moments and create
your own feature presentation where you are the hero who saves the
day! What happened no longer matters. What matters is how you
are going to use it to grow stronger in your life. If someone hurt your
feelings, imagine now that s/he apologizes or compliments you instead.
If you were embarrassed by something, go back and imagine taking a
bow instead. If the pretty girl in high school rejected you, go back and
imagine her saying yes. Or imagine rejecting her. If you struck out in the
big game, go back and imagine hitting a home run instead.
Think of your memories as a collection of movies. Why keep a bunch
of movies that make you upset, sad, or angry? Throw those movies in the
trash and replay only the movies that make you feel happy, joyful, and
confident. If you have trouble recalling memories like this, take the bad
memories and imagine rewriting them in the way I just recommended.
Your next important step is to begin creating some positive
memories now! If your past wasn’t so great, use your empowering,
positive attitude to make sure that your present and future are. The best
thing about the past is that it’s over. It’s done! What you have now is an
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opportunity to make new choices that will have an incredibly positive
impact on your life now and over time. Plan that dream vacation, take
that painting class, join a gym with a friend, take reflective walks by
yourself in nature, or play more with your children. Keep focusing on
what you can do now, because this is where your real power is. As they
say, this moment is a true gift, which is why it’s called the “present.”
If your past wasn’t so great use your empowering, positive attitude
to make sure that your present and future are.
Keep focusing on what you can do now
because this is where your ultimate power is.
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Your Most Powerful Ally: Your Imagination
As you learned in the previous chapter, you can use the power
of your imagination to literally rewrite your past. Any memory, past or
recent, can be transformed to empower you. Use the following guidelines
if you want to change the feelings associated with a particular memory.
If you want to increase the intensity of a positive emotion,
take whatever you’re visualizing and make it bigger, brighter, and in
more vivid color and detail. You can also turn the volume up, bring the
image closer, put it right in front of you, and play it in regular speed.
If you want to lessen the intensity of a negative emotion,
make the image smaller, darker, dimmer, fuzzier, tinier, farther away,
and muted.
Think of the last time you got into an argument with someone. How
do you imagine the person you argued with? Was s/he “in your face?”
Peter complained of not feeling sexual toward his wife anymore. I asked
him to think about her and describe what he imagined. Peter said, “I
see her yelling at me. She’s right in my face, and her voice is loud. It
makes me feel angry, like I’m a child being reprimanded.” Peter was
intensifying the negative emotions by bringing the image (his wife’s face)
closer, making it bigger, and increasing the volume in her voice.
I then asked Peter to remember the last time he felt sexual toward his
wife. He said, “It was on a vacation two years ago. We had a really great
time. But that seems like so long ago. The memory is fuzzier, and I can’t
remember many of the details anymore.” Peter was lessening, or decreasing,
the positive emotions by making the wanted image (and feelings) seem
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distant and fuzzy. He wasn’t doing any of this consciously or on purpose.
This was simply how his brain was processing the information.
If you focus on how the brain is structuring information,
rather than on the actual details, you can quickly and dramatically
influence your emotions without getting caught up in them.
I asked Peter to make the image of his wife yelling at him seem more
distant, quiet, and fuzzy. I then had him create an image of his wife that
would be desirable, like her on that vacation two years back, and imagine
her close and brightly. I also had him imagine that she was speaking to
him softly using a sexier tone. Peter laughed at first, but then he got into it
a little more, and the feelings of attraction began to return.
Marlene complained of job stress, and said her manager ruled
the office with intimidation. “He’s always yelling and trying to belittle
people.” I took the word belittle (be little) and used it to her advantage.
“Marlene, pretend your manager is approaching you, and the closer
he gets, the smaller he becomes. Imagine that he actually shrinks down
to about two inches tall and you pick him up and hold him in your
hand.” Marlene did so and began to smile. I then said, “Now dress
him up like a little tiny clown. Give him a rubber nose and some big
shoes that honk when he walks. Then make his voice squeaky and
small.” Marlene paused for a moment and then busted out laughing.
“He’s trying to intimidate me, but he looks so stupid that I can’t help but
laugh!” Marlene said she felt better.
One week later, Marlene waltzed into my office and announced,
“You almost got me fired.” I asked why. She said with a smile, “My
manager was making his usual rounds, but as he approached me, I
swear I could hear his shoes honking! I started giggling, and when he
asked me what was so funny, I began laughing even harder. I couldn’t
help it. It’s like one of those times where it’s really inappropriate to laugh
but you get the giggles anyway.” I asked what happened next. She said,
“He gave me a strange look and told me to get to work. I sat down, but
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Chapter 15 Your Most Powerful Ally
I just kept picturing him with that clown nose. It was really funny. And
you know what else? He didn’t come around me for the rest of the day!
In fact, he’s been leaving me alone now. I guess since he isn’t getting the
reaction he used to, he’s now on to the next victim.”
I don’t normally recommend laughing at your boss, or at least not
in front of him. Yet this does demonstrate how powerful these mental
strategies are, and you can use this information to accomplish all kinds
of things. You can build more confidence and motivation, overcome fear,
achieve goals, stay motivated, and more just by structuring the flow of
information in your mind more intentionally.
You can hear how people are processing information just by how they
speak. “I want to be successful, but success seems so far out of reach.”
Well, bring it closer then! When you imagine what you want coming
closer to you, it instantly makes you feel more excited and motivated. It
also feels more possible and real.
How Do You Really See Yourself?
How do you actually view yourself in your unconscious mind? How
do you look and behave? What do you feel you really deserve? I ask
these questions because people often have very small and limited views
of themselves.
When working with someone new, often one of the first questions
I ask is, “When you picture yourself in your mind, how do you see
yourself?” This usually confuses people, because they are not used to
thinking about such a thing. But in reality, that’s like asking someone what
kind of software they use on their computer and them not knowing.
The image you have of yourself in your inner mind is actually the
blueprint that your super powerful mind uses to create your reality.
Would you let an architect build you a new home based on blueprints
that you’ve never seen? I would think not, for obvious reasons. Yet, most
are unfamiliar with the blueprints they have of themselves, which are in
fact determining the quality of their lives.
Katlyn came in for weight loss. After getting to know her, I asked,
“Katlyn, close your eyes and picture yourself. How do you see you?”
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Katlyn seemed confused at first, but after further explanation, Katlyn
replied, “I see myself fat and miserable.” This may seem like obvious
information, but as a behavioral change expert, if I don’t update the
internal image Katlyn has of herself first, all other weight loss suggestions
would be futile.
Over the course of that session, Katlyn was able to create a thinner,
happier, and more attractive image of herself, but it still seemed very
distant. “Okay, I can imagine myself the way I used to be, but she seems
very far away.” It took a couple of more sessions and a lot of reinterpreting
the past before Katlyn was finally able to bring that healthier image of
herself front and center. As with most weight loss clients, it’s not what
they are eating, it’s what’s eating them that they most need to focus on.
When it comes to manifesting what you want in life, you must
make it feel real in your mind. If you can see, hear, and feel yourself
already having what you want in your imagination, actually having it
can quickly become a reality. Remember, your unconscious mind doesn’t
know what’s “real” and what isn’t. When dreaming at night, you don’t
realize you’re dreaming until you wake up from the dream. Heck, maybe
you’re dreaming all of this right now, and when you wake up, you’ll
already have everything you’ve ever wanted. Your imagination: your
most powerful ally. Life is but a dream.
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Are You Secretly Rewarded for Remaining the Same?
A secondary gain refers to an emotional payoff or reward for
thinking or behaving in a negative manner. This payoff is normally
unconscious, meaning the person is unaware that he is getting something
that’s perceived to be useful or positive from acting in this way. Some
need is being met through behaving in a particular way, which is why
individuals find it challenging to let go of painful habits.
You’ve also most likely met someone who continually self-destructs,
much like the pessimists you know, and no matter how good the advice is
that you offer, the person continues down the path of self-destruction. They
do so because, although it may not be apparent, they feel emotionally
rewarded for behaving in such a way. Perhaps the payoff is that they
can continue to see themselves as a victim or they don’t have to take
accountability for their actions. Again, this is very much an unconscious
process. If you confront them head-on with this, they will act confused or
offended and will adamantly deny such an accusation.
I’ve uncovered many secondary gains that were responsible for
keeping people stuck in old habits. When someone complains about
how terrible things are, and no matter how hard they try to change
things it never works out, secondary gains are typically the result.
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Jen came to me because she was chronically sick. As soon as she’d
get back on her feet and become self-reliant, flu-like symptoms would
return. Doctors were baffled because nothing seemed to be wrong with
Jen. Her immune system was a little suppressed, but her vitals and blood
work came back normal. Jen was obviously frustrated, and when she
came to me, she looked exhausted. I began teaching Jen relaxation and
stress management techniques and noticed a pattern within her.
Whenever Jen got sick, her husband rushed in to comfort her. She
had his full attention and empathy. When Jen started feeling better,
however, her husband would return to the office and begin pulling long
hours to advance his career. After leading Jen through the exercise that
I’m about to lead you through, she realized that her being sick meant
instant attention and affection from her husband. Jen’s unconscious mind
basically got the idea that “I get sick, I get attention. I don’t like being
sick, but I love the attention. I love the attention more than I don’t like
being sick. I’ll stay sick.”
I find more secondary gains in working with those who are obese
than anyone else. Chronically heavy people have unconsciously used
food and their extra weight to produce feelings of safety, pleasure, and
a sense of inner control. To give this all up so that they can fit into a size
8 just isn’t worth it, although they always say it is. Christina wanted to
lose one hundred pounds. She said, “Even if I starve myself and exercise
every day, I can’t seem to lose even one pound. Last year I used pills to
lose weight and managed to drop fifteen pounds, but within a month I had
gained twenty back!” I led Christina through a secondary gains exercise
and found that she had been abused as a child. Her weight served as
unconscious protection. “If I stay heavy, men won’t pay attention to me
and I’ll be safe.” No wonder she couldn’t lose weight. It would make her
feel completely vulnerable and unsafe.
Matt came to me for a totally different reason. He had been very
successful at reaching a certain level of income but could not break
through to the next level no matter how hard he tried. I led him through
a similar exercise and discovered he felt incredibly fearful that his
friends would become jealous and abandon him. He even pictured them
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gossiping and making fun of him behind his back. Matt did not want to
lose his close friends, so he unconsciously kept himself stuck.
A secondary gain refers to an emotional payoff or reward for behaving
in a particular manner. Some need is being met
through behaving in a specific way,
which is why you might find it challenging to let go of unwanted habits.
What happens when you become aware of a secondary gain? You
can either acknowledge and accept it or meet your unconscious needs
in a more empowering way. Surprisingly, some do choose to keep the
status quo. They go on complaining about their predicaments because
it’s become a habit, but inside they know what’s really going on and
they’re okay with it.
Jeff was like that. He wanted to make more money but discovered
he sabotaged himself for fear of getting promoted, having to travel, and
missing out on his kids growing up. Once he realized what was really
going on, a sense of peace came over him. Jeff aligned with his values
and readjusted his life goals, and the struggles disappeared.
More often the goal is to meet the unconscious payoff in a more
suitable and empowering manner. Jen, who had been chronically
sick, was taught how to communicate more openly and honestly about
what she needed from her husband, and her health and relationship
got much better. Christina, who wanted to lose one hundred pounds,
started taking karate classes and found inner strength regardless of
how much she weighed. Matt, who wanted a promotion, decided that
if his friends were true friends, they would support and celebrate his
successes with them. He also found more ways to validate his friends
for their accomplishments.
Your next step in this journey is to investigate whether you have
any secondary gains and, if they exist, to meet them in a new way.
Let’s begin.
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Take a full, deep breath, and as you slowly exhale, loosen your
shoulders and jaw muscles. As you continue to read, allow your mind to
walk you down an imaginary staircase. This staircase can look any way
you want it to. It may be very elegant or simple. It might be made from
wood, cement, or marble. This magical staircase consists of ten steps that
lead to a place where you are relaxed and fully in touch with the part
of your mind that knows everything about you. With every number you
read below, counting from ten down to one, imagine taking another step
down, so by the time you get to the count of one, you will feel more calm
and focused. More calm and focused. More calm and focused.
Beginning with the count of ten, take your first step down as your body
naturally breathes in relaxation. Fill your lungs with a sense of peace. Nine,
take another step down and feel your body become more comfortable and
at ease. Eight, stepping down again as you feel any remaining tension
melt away and disappear. Seven, fill your body back up with soothing
sensations of comfort and peace. Six, feeling good. Five, halfway there.
Four, notice your mind becoming empty and clear. Feel all the thoughts
fading from your mind. The only thing you focus on are the words you’re
now reading. Three, focusing only on these words. Two, focusing now
only on this word. Finally, with the count of one, you imagine reaching the
bottom of the staircase, feeling good, relaxed, comfortable.
Just ahead of you is one of the nicest recliners you’ve ever seen.
Imagine sinking into this incredibly comfortable chair and become
aware of how open and alert your mind has become. You are in a very
resourceful state now and fully in touch with your powerful unconscious
mind. This part of you is here to serve and will follow through on your
requests. In a moment, your unconscious will be instructed to find any
secondary gains that might be holding you back from what you most
desire. If there is any reason or payoff for you not following through on
your goals or remaining where you are right now, your mind will identify
it and make it conscious to you.
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Be aware that there might be some resistance at first. Your mind
may begin to analyze this whole exercise, and you could catch yourself
thinking, “I’m not getting anything. This isn’t working.” Just know that
when you analyze the process, it’s a clever way of distracting yourself
from the feelings you may encounter. Intellectualizing what you’re doing
is a form of self-protection; intellectualizing is an attempt to keep you
from fully immersing in the exercise by paying attention to flashes of
insight or specific feelings. Thus, if you catch yourself entertaining these
distractions, take another deep breath in and allow your mind to focus
back to this question: “If there was an advantage, no matter how small,
for my behaving in this way, what would it be?” Stop reading and ask
yourself that question now.
There is always a positive intention behind the secondary gain. The
intention is designed to protect you, even if the method of protection
is backfiring. Thus, as this information comes to your conscious mind,
allow it to resonate for just a moment. How might this secondary gain be
attempting to protect or serve you? If you’re not sure, make something
up. Just pretend to understand, or simply guess. Since your unconscious
doesn’t really know the difference between what’s real and what’s made
up, your guess may actually be the truth. Again, here is the question:
How might this secondary gain be attempting to protect or serve you?
Take your time and answer this question now.
Whether you feel you’re guessing or you just had a major realization,
it’s time to meet this intention in a more positive and empowering way.
Even if the intention was positive, the method is holding you back in
other ways that are no longer acceptable. It may even be creating the
very pain you’re trying to avoid. Therefore, you are going to ask your
unconscious to do something very special. Ask your unconscious mind
now to help you come up with three new ways of meeting this particular
need in a more empowering fashion. Identify three new actions you
can now take to meet your needs that have nothing to do with the old,
outdated behaviors. These three alternative choices will empower you to
leave the old behaviors behind while simultaneously providing greater
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control over your life. Recall the examples of Jen, Matt, and Christina.
Take your time and do this now.
Well done! Hopefully you’ve opened the realm of possibilities when it
comes to meeting your needs in more constructive ways. Perhaps you’ve
tapped into other resources, or, from reading this book, you’ve realized
that the protection you once needed is no longer necessary. Throughout
this book we are giving you the courage to succeed and the strategies
for feeling strong and secure at will.
Now that you’ve taken the time to identify what you can do to better
meet your needs, I want you to imagine engaging in these new behaviors
in the future. Take a few minutes and visualize yourself following through
on these three new options that empower you regardless of the situation.
Imagine them working out as perfectly as intended. Do this now.
If you had difficulty coming up with new options, ask yourself, “What
else could I do to feel _________ (insert your emotion or need here).”
Sometimes pretending that you are helping a friend to solve his or her
problem can separate you from the situation enough to come up with a
proper solution. “If my best friend wanted to feel _________, what advice
would I give him or her?”
Keep asking your mind in different ways for the answer you desire,
and expect to get an answer. Do not let yourself off the hook. Eventually
you’ll stumble upon just the right question to get the secondary gains
answers you need. The answer to all your questions lies within you. It’s
always a matter of asking the right question. “How can I take action
in a new way that creates the way I want to feel or creates the kind of
situation that I want to experience more regularly?”
Sometimes people get stuck on the problem instead of focusing their
mental energy on the solution. “Why does this keep happening to me?”
is a lousy question. Ask yourself a lousy question, and you get a lousy
response. “Because you’re a loser!” Instead, ask your mind “What action
can I take right now to prevent this situation from happening again?”
Now that’s an empowering question.
Remembering all that you’ve experienced in this exercise, I want you
to thank your powerful mind for helping you. Over the next couple of
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days, be aware of how your unconscious may continue to communicate
with you. Be mindful of your dreams, the conversations you have, and
the material you read. Sometimes the answers we seek show up a few
days later in the strangest of ways. If you didn’t fully get the answers you
were seeking now, keep your eyes, ears, and mind open, because the
answers are on their way.
With that said, I’d like you to imagine being back in that recliner,
feeling refreshed in every way. Visualize yourself getting out of the
chair and walking back up the staircase as the new, empowered, and
resourceful you. Then emerge from this exercise knowing that your
mind will continue to supply you with the resources to succeed as long
as you keep asking it to. Realize that you are constantly getting better
and better.
I hope this exercise was helpful and insightful for you. It has provided
profound revelations for thousands of people, and as you continue to
lead yourself through the steps, it can do the same for you. It might even
be better if you go through the steps again, but this time with your eyes
closed and a friend reading. Get as relaxed as you can and imagine
getting more in touch with the magic within.
If you get stuck or have questions, you can call my office or e-mail
your questions to me. We even offer a CD that will lead you through this
exercise using hypnosis. To find out more, go to www.ShurrSuccess.
com or e-mail me at tim@shurrsuccess.com.
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Chapter Seventeen
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We start this chapter with a heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS! Most
people never make it this far when reading a book. They’ll have four or
five half-read books, but very few completed ones. Some don’t even start
the book they buy. They just set it on the shelf as though just buying it
will give them something, yet it will not. If you’re going to go above and
beyond what most people even dream of, you’ve got to have the ability
to start AND finish strong! It looks like you’re on your way to doing both.
Good for you, my friend!
Now you’re going to learn about anchors. I’ve used them throughout
this book, but I’ve yet to explain how they work or how to use them to
your advantage. By the end of this chapter, you’ll know how to get rid
of self-limiting anchors that are already established in your brain and
create resourceful anchors of your own. Sound good? !
What’s an Anchor?
An anchor is a term used to describe a visual, auditory, or
kinesthetic cue that triggers a specific emotional state. If you see, hear,
or touch something at the same time you feel a particular emotion, and
the situation is unique or emotionally charged enough, your brain will
create a link between the situation (stimulus) and that particular emotion.
An obvious example of this occurs the first time you touch fire. Usually
the pain is intense enough to cause the brain to create an immediate
kinesthetic anchor. Your brain says, “Touching fire hurts. Avoid touching
fire.” This is an example of a very useful kinesthetic anchor.
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Here’s an example of an unuseful auditory anchor. Let’s say a
boyfriend in high school dumped you, and while he was suggesting that
you could still be friends, you heard Every Rose Has Its Thorn on the radio.
Twenty years later, you’re happily driving down the freeway and Every
Rose Has Its Thorn comes on the radio. Suddenly out of nowhere you feel
completely heartbroken. This is an example of an auditory anchor, since
you’re hearing something that triggers a specific emotional response. Or
your spouse gives you a certain look, and it makes you feel angry. This
is an example of a negative visual anchor.
When you fell and hurt your knee as a child, grandma reached
down and gave you affection. Then, right when you were feeling really
comforted, she handed you a cookie! And what does your unconscious
mind do? Why, it creates an anchor. “Food equals love.” Fifty years
later, you’re still firing off that anchor when life gets stressful. You want to
feel comforted, and a cookie triggers that feeling inside you.
An anchor is a mental connection your mind makes between a sensory
stimulus (touch, sound, smell, etc) and specific emotional states. ese
emotions can be re-experienced simply by activating the anchor.
Food and beverage companies spend billions annually to convince
us that we will be happy, cool, at peace, or we’ll get lucky if we eat or
drink their product. I love the commercials where they flash pictures of
adorable kids sitting at the table, and beautiful music is playing in the
background, and you just feel so warm and cozy inside. And then they
flash a big jar of spaghetti sauce on the screen. ANCHOR! Now, maybe
the first time you see this commercial nothing happens in your mind. But
how many times do you see the exact same commercial play in just one
evening? Now think of how many times you saw that commercial in a
year! If you don’t think it has an effect on you, go look in your cabinets.
I bet that jar of sauce is sitting there.
Commercials are full of hypnotic anchors. Whenever somebody tells
me that they can’t be hypnotized, I just smile. They are in my office
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because they’ve already been put into a trance. Tony Robbins once
referred to himself a “de-hypnotist.” I think of myself as the same.
Some anchors are created over time through repetition. You smell
apple pie and think of grandma, or your spouse uses a particular tone of
voice and suddenly you’re pissed off. In the Midwest, the smell of pine
reminds many of Christmas. Smokers are often triggered to smoke after
a meal or with a drink. The “trigger” is actually an anchor. Seeing the
movie Rocky immediately makes men feel pumped up, and the olfactory
anchors that are triggered from a Yankee candle hypnotizes women to
spend large quantities of money on candles. !
Anchors are one way your brain organizes information. This
connection your brain makes with feelings and events is almost always
unconscious. You really don’t have to think about sticking your hand in fire
to know it’s not a good idea. Because this often happens unconsciously,
however, your brain can create associations between feelings and events
that aren’t actually related.
Phobias are a good example of this. A phobia is an intense,
irrational anchor that causes paralyzing fear in those who have them.
I met a woman once who had an intense phobia toward butterflies. If
she even imagined a picture of a butterfly she’d flip out. After hypnotic
regression, it was revealed that she had witnessed the death of her father
as a child while catching butterflies. My client did consciously recall
her father’s heart attack, but she had completely forgotten about the
circumstances surrounding it.
The following is a more common example of a limiting, or negative,
anchor. Let’s say you had a big project that was due and you didn’t get
it turned in on time. It got you into a lot of trouble, and now every time a
project comes up, you pass it on to someone else. You want to get ahead
in your company, but you keep letting opportunities pass you by. “Every
time I hear about a new project, I get this sick feeling in my stomach.”
Your brain has associated projects to getting in trouble.
Most couples tend to argue about things that have nothing to do with
their current situation. Instead, old anchors trigger people to respond in
the same way they always do. Knowing how to purposefully create and
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eliminate anchors in your life will give you even greater leverage over
your success in the future.
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I’m going to show you how to eliminate negative anchors in your
life and replace them with empowering ones. Otherwise, these limiting
anchors that are holding you back will continue to be triggered. In the
peak performance field of NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming (Bandler,
Grinder), this strategic process of eliminating anchors is referred to as
“collapsing anchors.”
The most effective way to eliminate, or collapse, a negative anchor
is through triggering the conditioned feeling while simultaneously firing
off an opposing emotional state.
Hold your right hand up in the air and make a fist. Squeeze this fist
tight and keep it that way. At the same time, completely relax your right
hand. Your brain says, “What?” You cannot be tight and relaxed at the
same time. Just like you cannot feel fear and gratitude simultaneously.
Nor can you laugh and feel depressed at the same time. Go ahead
and try. Throw your arms up in the air and wave them around while
exclaiming, “I’m depressed! I’m depressed!” What happens? You start
laughing, right? Knowing this gives you power, because you can use this
knowledge to your advantage.
Here’s another exercise for collapsing a limiting fear simultaneously
through firing off opposing emotional states. This will require some
courage on your part, and as you follow through, your efforts will be
greatly rewarded.
Step One. Take the next thirty seconds to say out loud why you
can’t have what you want in life. What’s been holding you back and
making you so upset, angry, or frustrated lately? Put a voice to all that
is stressful in your life. If others are around, get up and move to a more
private location. It’s important to do this exercise out loud and not in your
head. You need to hear yourself out loud so that you notice the tempo,
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pitch, and tone of your voice when saying what’s holding you back.
Imagine that I’m listening intently to every word you say. You’ve got thirty
seconds. Begin.
Very good. I hope you used the entire thirty seconds, and you
probably could have continued for quite some time. ! When saying
what’s on your mind out loud, you realize how much dialogue there
really is, how much negative programming goes on inside you every
single day. Did anything you say sound like this:
“I’m just so frustrated because I never have enough time and I’ve got
all this pressure. I’ve got so much stuff going on right now, and I don’t
know how I’m going to pull it all off! I don’t know what else I can do.
Sometimes I just feel so stuck. It seems like everyone wants a piece of
me and there’s no time for what I want. I’m trying to balance the time
between my work and my family, and both seem to get jilted! And work
is driving me crazy. Nobody seems to be cooperating, and I spend so
much time putting out fires that I’m not able to take action on the stuff I
know will get results! I’m exhausted all the time, and I don’t know how
much more of this I can handle. . . .”
I’ve been leading people through this exercise in my Shurr ! Success
seminars for years, and I’ve found that people tend to express very similar
worries, pressures, and stresses. If any of those thoughts resonated with
you, I hope it makes you feel a little better knowing that we’re all in the
same boat. People are very good at making themselves feel isolated as
though “nobody could possibly understand what I’m going through.”
You’re right. Nobody can completely understand how you are interpreting
your life. However, many can understand and relate to the situations and
experiences you’re going through. Human beings process information in
the same way and have the same universal inspirations and fears. Even
though the scenery might be different, the scenes are the same. Thus, you
are not alone, and whatever you are now going through, you will get
through it just like countless others have and are.
Before we move on to the next step, you need to become more aware
of not just what you said, but how you said it. Notice how you spoke and
the way you held your body while doing so. Was the tone of your voice
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low or high pitched? Did you talk quickly or slowly? Did it seem like you
used one long sentence or a series of brief, quick statements? Did you
swear? Did you sound angry, upset, or indignant? How did you hold
your body? Were your shoulders slumped forward? Were you frowning?
Were you looking up or down? Were your muscles tense? Were you
breathing regular, taking short, shallow breaths, or holding your breath?
Were you making fists or moving your arms and feet around? (At this
point, you may be thinking, “I guess I should have done the thirty-second
exercise.” If you haven’t followed through on this, please do so now.)
Step Two. Now it’s time to mess with your head and collapse some
limiting anchors. Know that in order to feel the yucky feelings you felt
while venting for those thirty seconds, it’s necessary to repeat the tone
and body language you used. Changing any part of this will lead you to
a completely different emotional state. Allow me to prove this to you.
In a moment you will be given another thirty seconds to vent your
frustrations. I want you to say the same exact things you said previously.
Tell me why you can’t have what you want and all the things that have
been holding you back or upsetting you. However, this time you are
going to sing it out loud like a famous opera singer. That’s right! You’re
going to sing it out, baby! It doesn’t matter if you can sing or not. The
point is that you sing! Stand up, throw your arms in the air, and belt out
in your best operatic voice all the worries, fears, and stressors in your
life. Remember, the more you put into this exercise, and into yourself, the
more you will get out of it! Do this now.
I know you’re not just sitting thinking “I’m not doing that!” You’re
stepping up, right? You’re taking control of your life and forcing yourself
out of the old comfort zones, yes? You know you can’t grow while playing
it safe. If singing out loud is way out there for you, terrific! Break into
some new territory and sing your frustrations, baby, sing!
You can’t grow while playing it safe.
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Outstanding! I know you really put a lot into this crazy little exercise,
and for that I applaud you! Even though I know you followed through
instead of making excuses, I want to be sure. If for some bizarre reason
you did not sing, why not? I thought you wanted to be courageous. Or
is it that you just want to be courageous on your own terms? “I’m strong
and courageous as long as I don’t have to risk anything.” That’s not
courage. That’s fear in disguise. “You must go out on a limb because
that’s where the fruit is.”
I challenge you with these silly tasks so that you can see how you
respond when challenged. If you’re not willing to jump in, risk looking
foolish, and follow through on this simple task, what makes you think
you’ll have the guts to take action on really important activities? Losers
(I don’t really care for this term) will always have a story or justification
for why they failed to take positive action. Winners don’t need excuses,
and neither do you. Because YOU ARE A WINNER, I know you followed
through, so please excuse this sermon. !
When you sang about your worries, did it feel different the second time
compared to the first? Sure, it did! You probably felt silly or embarrassed.
Or perhaps you really got into it and began laughing or having fun.
Either way, I bet you weren’t feeling stressed, angry, or upset in that
moment. In fact, if you sang out, it would be nearly impossible to feel the
same way you did originally because you altered your tone of voice and
physiology. Singing forces you to breathe deeper, alter your voice, and
move your body differently. You may have noticed your body relaxing
and your facial muscles loosening. Heck, you might have even smiled!
Changing your physiology (your body movements) can dramatically
change type of emotions you experience. That’s why I encouraged you
to stand up and sing, to throw your arms in the air, and belt out your
frustrations. Suddenly what you say isn’t as important to how you’re feeling
as the way you are saying it. Research has repeatedly shown that the more
you move, the better you feel. Psychologists took people who had been
clinically depressed for more than twenty years and had them stand in
front of a mirror and smile (just like you did) as broadly as possible for
twenty minutes twice a day. At the end of three weeks, 80 percent of the
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participants felt that their depression had lifted enough for them to function
again. Just by smiling! I bet if those patients had jumped up and down
while they were smiling, they would have felt better within the week!
Movement also helps you change your focus. Instantly you’re no longer
focused on all the worries and pressures in life. Instead you’re thinking
about how funny this exercise is and how nutty you’re going to look if
someone busts in on you. Actually, I hope someone does walk in on you.
It would be hilarious, and every time you think about those worries, it will
remind you of the laugh you had with your family member or friend.
By getting yourself to laugh while complaining, you collapse the stress
pattern that you’re running. Again, collapsing an anchor means firing off
a negative and a positive emotion at the same time. This neutralizes both
emotions so that you end up somewhere in the middle. You’re not feeling
bad or good, but indifferent. This puts you in control over your responses
instead of robotically reacting based on past conditioning.
This is just one of hundreds of ways to interrupt your own stress
pattern. The next time you start feeling pressured, frustrated, or whiny,
start singing about it in your best opera voice. If that doesn’t work, turn
your self-pity into a cheer. “I’m so stressed! I’m so stressed! GOOO
STRESSSS!” Kick your arms and legs up into the air as though you’re
doing the perfect cheer like Will Ferrell. If you get into it, I guarantee it
will change your state. Now, you’re not going to want to do this when
you’re really stressed or feeling sorry for yourself. You’d much rather stay
in that place. However, you’ve got to have enough emotional maturity to
realize that continuing to run this self-limiting pattern will keep you from
growing to the next level. That’s when you force yourself to do these
silly exercises. Once you cheer about your woes, it will change your
state, get you more resourceful, and put you back in control. When you
look back at how you were acting, you’ll realize how silly the negative
mindset was and not the behavior that got you to stop doing so.
Feeling negative? Sing opera, dance like Rocky, give a cheer!
Smile broadly. Collapse the negative anchor!
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A friend told me of a contractor he once knew who was always
singing and humming tunes to himself on the job site. He noticed that
whenever things went wrong, the contractor began singing to himself.
He also noticed the contractor humming tunes when things were going
well. What really stood out was how levelheaded this contractor was
regardless of what was happening around him. He was just as calm and
collected in the midst of chaos as he was when things went smoothly.
When some of the guys finally asked the contractor about his singing,
he replied, “By the time I was thirty, I had created my own construction
company and own several rental properties. I became incredibly
successful because I learned early on not to get attached to what was
happening around me at any given time. I realized that some things went
good and some went bad, but nothing lasted forever. I hum tunes or sing
songs in my head as a reminder of this. It keeps me focused on what
I want instead of on what’s going on in the moment. Singing reminds
me that everything’s okay, and it reminds me not to get attached to the
outcomes because they don’t matter. You have to keep looking at the
bigger picture. I might not win every battle, but I am determined to win
the war. That’s why I sing.”
This Too Shall Pass
No matter what’s going on in your life, this too shall pass. Whether
you’re having a really good streak or a really bad one, this too shall pass.
I remember the first time I heard that saying. It was etched into a rug that
was sitting in front of a toilet. “This too shall pass.” ! The business of life
is much like surfing. There’s a time to paddle, a time to float, and a time
to ride the wave. You can’t always ride the wave, and you can’t always
be paddling. And if you just float, you never get anywhere. This is where
learning how to balance your life comes in. Because the waves come in
and then retreat back, you begin to expect it and become okay with it.
Imagine building a sandcastle next to the water and watching the tide
come in. Eventually that water is going to take your castle. Some people
act completely surprised by this and get angry or depressed when it
happens. They either give up or begin building another sandcastle by
the water’s edge, only to have it swept away again.
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If, however, you realize that the water is eventually coming and you’re
okay with it, then you’re no longer attached to the eventual outcome.
Complete freedom comes from not caring about what’s going to happen
in the moment, because you know it’s all going to work out just fine. You
may want something to occur, but you’re not devastated if it doesn’t,
because the setback is merely temporary. In sales, for example, if you
go into the situation with the intent to serve and you don’t really care if
you get the sale or not, you actually increase the odds of getting it. This
happens because you’re operating from a state of abundance rather
than scarcity, which keeps your customer from sensing desperation on
your part.
Complete freedom comes from not getting attached to what’s happening
in the moment because you know it’s all going to work out.
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To create a positive anchor, get yourself associated into the state or
emotion you want to anchor, intensify the emotion, and simultaneously
install your trigger. The key is to make the desired emotional state as
strong as you can and to choose a trigger that’s unique. Those who
practice meditation, for example, repeat a mantra like “ohm” to get into
state. I’ve never actually heard that word or sound in any other context.
When creating a kinesthetic trigger, think of something that produces the
emotion you want to anchor, and then touch your left hand between the
third and fourth knuckle. This isn’t usually an area of your body that is
touched, which makes it unique.
Of course this is just a guideline and not a hard-fast rule. As long
as your brain repeatedly experiences the unique trigger and a specific
emotion, it will eventually link the two. If you create a trigger that gets fired
while experiencing different types of emotions, it will confuse your brain
and the anchor will be neutralized. As you recall, this is exactly what we
did to eliminate, or collapse, the unwanted anchors in your life.
Here’s how I established one of my favorite anchors. Prior to doing
a seminar, I find a bathroom (usually the only private place I could
find), jump up and down, clap my hands a few times, and say the word
“YES” with passion. I do so in a very specific order using the exact same
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mannerisms every single time. I’ve repeated this little ritual so much that it
immediately makes me feel energized and focused. Often if I just say the
word “YES” with passion, I feel that focused energy course through my
body because I’ve trained my brain to do so. Of course, it’s always fun
to be jumping up and down in a bathroom and have somebody walk in
on you, but when I get that focused and fired up, I don’t really care.
Another tip for reinforcing and strengthening an anchor is to activate
the trigger whenever you’re naturally in that desired state. Every time
you’re naturally feeling relaxed, for instance, take a moment to breathe,
then speak or touch a designated part of your body that represents the
trigger. It will reinforce to your brain and central nervous system that
engaging in this behavior makes you feel relaxed. People who smoke
or mindlessly eat are simply responding to a repetitiously conditioned
anchor. When I notice myself feeling excited, energized, focused,
or generally happy, I say, “YES” while jumping and/or clapping. It
emphasizes to my brain, “When I do this, I feel this way.”
By now you are realizing just how transformational this information
is going to be in your life! You have the ability to feel any way you
want, at any time you want, as much as you want! You can anchor
feelings of success, relaxation, energy, hope, motivation, security, love,
passion, and anything else. Imagine walking into a networking event
and immediately feeling confident and social or seeing your partner and
instantly feeling intimate and connected. As you eliminate the negative
anchors in your life and replace them with empowering anchors, the
way that you experience life will dramatically change for the better.
Dave came to me complaining of feeling depressed for no good
reason. “I’m not sure why I get this way. I’ll be feeling great, and then
someone will come up and start talking to me, and suddenly I feel
incredibly sad.” I asked if this happened with everyone he spoke to,
and Dave said no. “It only happens every once in a while, and I can’t
seem to figure out why.” After a few more questions and some hypnosis,
his unconscious revealed a pattern and a potential anchor that was
unintentionally created in Dave. In short, here’s what had occurred.
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A few weeks earlier, Dave’s father had passed away. During the
visitation prior to the funeral, he was standing in line greeting people.
Every time a person came up to Dave, they patted him on the right
shoulder and said how sorry they were for his loss. One after another
continued to approach him in the same way. Dave obviously felt very sad,
but he held it together pretty well. After describing this to me, I decided
to test something. I asked, “Dave, how are you feeling right now?” He
replied, “I’m a little frustrated about this whole thing, but other than that
I’m fine.” I leaned over and patted Dave on the right shoulder softly and
then said, “How you feeling now, buddy?” Immediately Dave’s eyes
dropped down and his shoulders slumped forward. He sighed deeply,
almost unaware of it, and said, “I don’t know why, but I’ve started to feel
that depressed feeling again.”
Although this doesn’t always happen, for Dave an anchor of sadness
was created through touching his right shoulder and speaking softly to
him. He was in an extremely intense emotional state during his fathers’
funeral, and people were repeatedly touching a specific part of his body
and using a specific tone of voice. Dave’s unconscious associated the
touch-on-the-shoulder trigger to the emotion of sadness, and the anchor
was established.
Now, based on what you’ve learned about collapsing anchors, how
would you have treated Dave? It was actually pretty easy, but before you
continue reading, take a moment to think about how you would have
handled this situation. I want you to be able to work this process through
for someone else so that you become better doing it on yourself.
My strategy was simple. I got him laughing and tapped him on the
right shoulder. We’d talk a little more, and every time he laughed, I
patted him on the shoulder. After a few minutes of doing this, I asked
Dave to clear his mind. Then I patted him on the right shoulder and softly
said, “How are you feeling now, Dave?” He looked at me, smiled, and
said, “I feel fine. How are you?” I laughed and then taught Dave how to
anchor a feeling of peace and ease. I saw Dave a couple of weeks later,
and he stated that the depression had not returned. “I feel sad every
once in a while when I think of my father, but that’s normal. Otherwise,
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I’ve been feeling pretty good when I’m with others or by myself. I’m in a
good place now.”
You can eliminate any negative anchor as long as the positive anchor
you simultaneously fire off is equally intense. There are many techniques
you can use to eliminate fear or emotional pain, but most of them require
that you see a trained professional. Severe trauma or post-traumatic stress
can be dramatically reduced and even eliminated by a good hypnotist or
NLP practitioner. If you have any of these issues, contact my office, and
I’ll give you some options for overcoming them. You’ll find my contact
information at the back of this book. Most of the fears we are covering
are due to a misunderstanding or faulty interpretation and thus can be
adequately dealt with through the techniques you are learning.
Carrie came to my office because she had a “horrible fear of flying.”
As soon as she brought up flying, tears started rolling down her cheeks.
Each time Carrie thought about getting on an airplane her fight-or-flight
response (no pun intended) kicked in. She’d cry and shake and then get
frustrated. “I can’t believe I’m acting this way. I’m great at what I do,
and I’m normally very confident. That’s why I got this promotion. But
now it requires me to travel, and I haven’t had to do that before.” Carrie
revealed that she had a bad experience on the last fight she took, which
was about six years earlier. “There was a lot of turbulence, and it totally
freaked me out. One of the suitcases even fell out of the storage bin.”
First I taught Carrie techniques for shrinking and dulling her intense
fear and moving it away. I then collapsed any remaining fear by getting
her to laugh. Around that time, a commercial for Six Flags Great America
(a Chicago-area amusement park) featured a funny looking gentleman
dancing around entertaining others. It was a really funny commercial, and
it had great music to go along with the gentleman’s dance. Carrie knew
of the commercial and smiled when I mentioned the funny gentleman in
it. I then asked her to imagine this gentleman sitting next to her on the
plane. I had her play the same silly music in her head as she watched
him dance around in his seat making funny faces.
As Carrie began imagining this scenario, her smile transformed into
full-blown laughter, which immediately neutralized any remaining fear. I
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asked to her think about flying and Carrie started giggling again. “I just
keep seeing that guy and hearing that music. It’s hysterical!” Because I
like to ensure my clients get maximum results, I told her to imagine getting
on the plane for her upcoming trip. When she imagined this, I grabbed
the chair she was in, started shaking it, and I yelled out “Turbulence!”
Carrie just sat their bouncing around in the chair with a smile on her
face. She said, “I knew I was okay now, and when you said ‘turbulence’
it made that guy dance more.” I got an e-mail from Carrie a month later
reporting that she felt great on both her outgoing and returning flights
and hasn’t had any problems since.
Now it’s time to create another empowering anchor in your life.
To do so, you must first decide what feeling or feelings you’d like to
experience at will and also what your trigger(s) will be.
Perhaps you want to feel confident, motivated, or focused, and your
trigger will be touching the top of your right hand between your first and
second knuckle. Or perhaps every time you rub the back of your neck
you’ll feel deeply relaxed. If you want to feel energized, you can throw
your arms up over your head, take a deep breath in, and say “YES!”
It can really be anything. You can say your trigger word(s) out loud or
in your own mind, if others are around. If you’re alone, I recommend
saying your trigger words out loud. It seems to add to the intensity of the
emotion, thus securing a stronger anchor in your nervous system. Take
your time and choose your emotional states and triggers now.
In order to lock in your anchor, you’ll need to conjure up the feeling
you want to experience and increase its intensity. Thus, I’d like you to
think back to a time when you naturally felt the feeling you want to
anchor. Go back to the last time you really felt that emotion. Float back
to a time when you felt really relaxed, motivated, confident, or whichever
emotion you wish to conjure. If you don’t recall a specific memory, make
one up in your mind. Pretend how it would be to feel this way right now.
If you’re still struggling, think of someone you might know or somebody
you might have seen in a movie or on television, and imagine that s/
he is feeling the way you want to feel. Notice how s/he is holding his/
her body, what s/he is saying to him/herself, and where s/he is feeling
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that emotion in his/her body. Then step into this person and know what
it feels like to be this way. Take your time and do this now.
Very good. If you choose to feel relaxed now, notice how your
shoulder blades start to lower just like they did before. Your breathing
becomes slow and deep, your jaw muscles relax, and your body fills with
a warm heaviness. If your emotion of choice is confidence, notice how
you are standing taller, shoulders back, chin up, a sparkle in your eye,
a smile on your face, breathing a little bit faster, feeling stronger, feeling
that confidence surge up and down in the center of your chest. Perhaps
you chose to feel enthusiastic and motivated. Now you’re breathing a
little faster and moving with energy. You’re leaning forward and feeling
the blood pumping through your veins. Your body language is more
expressive, and you’re talking a little faster than normal.
Whatever the emotion is, make it twice as strong now. Double that
emotion! Make it twice as intense! Double your relaxation, confidence,
motivation, or whichever emotion you chose. Move your body, focus
your attention, and when you feel the emotion become even more
intense, fire off your anchor. Touch your body, clap your hands, and/
or say your trigger word(s). Then make the emotion even stronger and
fire off your anchor again. Do this ten times in a row, each time making
the emotion more and more intense. Get into state, make this happen,
and do so now!
Fabulous! Take a deep breath in and feel good about yourself now. I
realize that this exercise may not be as powerful because you’re reading
it from a book. However, once you get the general idea of how an anchor
is structured, you can wait until you’re naturally in the state you want
to anchor and then repeatedly fire off your trigger. Perhaps, however,
because you are such an amazing person, you probably pulled off this
exercise already.
My friend Bill said this is how it went for him. “The emotion I wanted
to anchor was confidence, and my trigger was slapping my right thigh
as I said the word “YES!” I thought back to a memory of when I made
a really big sale last year. I pretended to be back at that time, and I
started to feel pretty good. I slapped my leg and said, “YES!” I repeated
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this a couple of times and felt my confidence increase. Then I searched
for another time when I felt confident and remembered helping my son
complete a project last month. It made me feel good, and I instantly
slapped my thigh and said, “YES!” I started to feel more energy in my
body, and it made me want to stand up, so I did. I repeated this exercise,
recalling a few more times when I felt confident in the past, and by the
time I was done, I was pretty fired up! My leg hurt a little bit because
I kept whacking it, but now I start to feel confident just by slapping my
thigh and saying, “YES!” I don’t have to think about a particular memory
any more. In fact, I now feel like creating some new ones!”
Once you get the anchor established, you can test it by clearing your
mind and then firing off your anchor. If you begin to feel the emotion
come up inside you, great. If not or it only comes up a little bit, you
just need more practice rehearsing your anchor. Even when the anchor
works very well, you’ll want to reinforce it whenever you can.
Once you’ve got your anchor established, imagine yourself in future
situations where you’ll want to feel this way and trigger the emotion. For
example, suppose you have a presentation coming up and you want to
feel more confident. First trigger the anchor, then fully feel the confidence
run through you, and then imagine yourself confidently doing the
presentation. The trick is to feel the wanted emotion prior to visualizing
the future event. Do this repeatedly until you think of the presentation
and naturally feel more confident. You may still be a bit nervous, and
that’s good, because you’ll need the extra boost of adrenaline to put on
a really great presentation!
Maybe you feel stressed a lot around your family and you want to
feel more relaxed instead. First anchor the feeling of relaxation and then
imagine being around your family. Then, when you are around your family
and you start to get stressed, instantly fire off your trigger without anyone
knowing what you are doing, and your shoulders will begin to soften.
Your anchor might have been touching your thumb and first finger together
as you take a deep breath in. Nobody but you will know you are doing
this, and yet everyone will reap the benefits. Perhaps you even add the
words “relax, relax, relax” in your own mind. Immediately your breathing
becomes deeper, you begin to smile, and everything feels better.
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In your mind, imagine that your anchor works perfectly every time.
Your mind is incredibly powerful, and it will create what you tell it to.
That’s why it’s always so important to focus on what you want. Imagine
each scenario working out beautifully every time and the anchor just
keeps getting stronger and stronger so that you can count on it working
when you need it most! You may even want to create separate anchors
for motivation, relaxation, and confidence!
Your mind is incredibly powerful and it will create what you tell it to.
at’s why it’s vitally important to focus on what you want.
Most people who panic in situations have previously imagined
themselves panicking. People who are insecure imagine themselves
being insecure in various situations. Fearful people—you guessed it—
paint scary scenarios in their minds and unintentionally set “scared”
anchors. We are all in a continual process of setting anchors and creating
self-fulfilling prophecies. Now that you are aware of how some of this
process works, you can begin to consciously and then unconsciously
create ongoing positive anchors and self-fulfilling prophecies.
Imagine yourself in all kinds of crazy situations and that somehow
they keep working out to your advantage. You don’t have to know
how it keeps working out so beautifully, just imagine that it does. Your
unconscious is quite good at figuring out all the little details, so just keep
focusing on the outcomes that you want! In this way, you’re actually
planning out your future, and this is what I mean by creating your life
by design. You are actively deciding what you want to experience in
life and making the choices that lead to it. You’re deciding ahead of
time how you are going to feel in any given situation and then you
practice being this way in your mind, so when that situation arises you
instinctively know what to do.
Your unconscious mind and nervous system have been preprogrammed
to respond to life in an empowering way. When life gets chaotic and
you find yourself automatically responding to it gracefully and with
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leadership, you won’t be able to help but smile from ear to ear. All this
requires is a little strategy and some practice! !
Setting a Future Anchor
Let’s go through an exercise for creating a positive self-fulfilling
prophecy. Take a deep breath and imagine drifting into your future.
Allow your mind to conjure up situations and scenarios that used to
upset you in the past, but now you feel calm and confident when similar
events occur in the future. Focus in on a particular event that you might
be worrying about and get in touch with those feelings. As soon as you
start to notice the negative emotion occurring in the future, fire off your
newly established anchor and visualize it working perfectly.
Instantly find yourself feeling relaxed and focused. See, hear, or feel
yourself taking action and responding appropriately to the situation.
Often people react to a situation and later play the “I wish I would have
said this or done that” game. Here is an opportunity to plan ahead so
that when the opportunity arises, you’ll be well prepared to handle it in
the way you most want to. There will be no need to think you should have
done something differently because you will have handled the situation
in the best possible way at that time.
Let’s go through this again. Think of a time in the future when you’d
like to feel calm, confident, motivated, or however you would like to
feel. Notice how you initially feel when thinking of this event, and then
fire off your anchor. Imagine a rush of positive feelings flood your mind
and body. Perhaps you only feel a minor change in the way you feel,
so you fire off the anchor again and again. Nobody said you couldn’t
do so more than once. Keep firing off your anchor until you reach the
desired emotional state. Not only do you trigger your anchor, you also
continually adjust your mental focus and physiology so that your mind
and body match the emotion you want to experience.
If you want more energy, stand up straight and open your body as
you trigger your anchor. If you want to feel relaxed, soften your shoulders
and imagine hearing the ocean in your head as you trigger your anchor.
You’re utilizing a powerful combination of tools to access an empowered
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state. In this way, if one thing doesn’t work, the others will. It’s like having
a backup plan. If plan A doesn’t work, use Plan B, C, D, and so on.
Visualizing yourself in the future provides an opportunity to handle
situations in a variety of ways without consequences. Once you play out
potential scenarios and the results of your decisions and behaviors, you
can choose which actions lead to the best possible result. This is a great
technique for making excellent decisions. Playing out each choice, and
where it could take you, is a wonderful method for clarifying your best
options. You might wonder how accurate your imagination will be since
you can’t know for sure how others will react to you in real life situations.
In leading thousands of people through this future-based exercise,
I’ve found people’s imaginations to be incredibly accurate, probably
because your life is created by your imagination, and most people
respond to you based on the unconscious vibes and nonverbal messages
that you’re regularly sending. Thus, once you decide what your intended
outcome will be, your mind will unconsciously send messages to another’s
unconscious that encourage the intended response. The number one way
to influence another is through influencing your own mind by clarifying
your intentions and outcomes in advance. Once you know where you
want to go, trust that your mind will flow in that direction.
Clarify your intentions and outcomes in advance and your ability to
influence others will greatly increase.
I encourage you to reread this chapter and to go through the exercises
often. Some of the ideas I’m expressing will jump right out at you. Others
won’t be revealed until the second, third, or fourth reading. Reviewing
this material will allow you to continue breaking old anchors that are
holding you back. It will also help you to reinforce new, positive anchors.
Remember, you may want to create separate anchors for motivation,
relaxation, and confidence. Just for fun, you can set off all your anchors
consecutively until you’re feeling unstoppable! The amount of courage
and raw energy you experience can be phenomenal!
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Then imagine yourself in the future thinking, feeling, and behaving in
exactly the way you want to. Pretend that you have everything you’ve ever
wanted, and it’s because of the journey you’re on right now. This very
second your life is being shaped into a masterpiece! You are creating the
kind of life that you have always dreamed of. You don’t have to “hope” it
happens for you, because you are designing it at this very moment. The
Law of Attraction is in action, and your destiny is coming to you.
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Now that you have established new beliefs, overcome self-
sabotaging behaviors, and learned to anchor the positive thoughts that
will bring success, it’s time to teach you how to maintain that mindset no
matter what challenges you face.
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The following exercise is designed to help you do two things: 1)
prevent you from slipping back into old unwanted thoughts, feelings,
or behaviors, and 2) experience new, desirable thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors instead, whatever your circumstances. Read through the
instructions and do the exercise first. Then I’ll explain how this all works.
Imagine a large picture frame in front of you. Whether you actually
see the picture frame or just imagine one is fine. Whatever you experience
will be right for you. In the center of this picture frame create an eleven-
by-eighteen inch snapshot of the unwanted behavior that you would
like to eliminate from your life right now. Imagine seeing or hearing
yourself engaging in this behavior that’s created so much pain in your
life. Perhaps you imagine yourself slouched over, feeling depressed or
overwhelmed, and you’re procrastinating. Whatever the behavior is for
you, make it big, and stick it in the center of your picture frame.
Good, now imagine this picture in full color and pretend that you
can step into it for just a second so that you can fully experience all the
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uncomfortable, painful feelings that are associated with this unwanted
behavior. Take your time and do this now.
Now step out of the picture and keep it located in front of you. If you
did this right, you should be feeling kind of yucky right now. You want
your mind very clear of the fact that this behavior causes you pain. At
some level your mind might believe that this behavior somehow protects
you, but it does not. It only creates pain.
Now take a full, deep breath and think about the color of your car.
What color is your car? Great! That’s a nice color. ! (I’ll explain later.)
As you focus in again on the picture frame that holds the unwanted
behavior, I want you to place in the bottom corner of this frame a wallet-
sized image that represents how you would now like to behave. This
small picture represents the wanted behavior. Create a snapshot of how
you are now going to think, feel, and behave. This image shows the
person that you are becoming and the behaviors you will now engage
in. Imagine yourself standing tall, shoulders back, chin up, a sparkle
in your eye, and a smile on your face. When you look at this picture,
you should get a warm, fuzzy, excited feeling inside. A feeling of hope,
confidence, and motivation should begin to emerge. It may feel small at
first, but it will grow.
Now make this smaller photo of the wanted behavior black and white,
and shrink it down so that it seems quite tiny and lifeless. Do this now.
You should now have two pictures in the picture frame: The large
color photo of the unwanted behavior in the center of the frame and a
small black and white photo of the wanted behavior in the bottom corner.
In a moment, you’re going to say the word “Swish!” out loud. As you
say the word “Swish!” imagine those two pictures switching places and
attributes. The large color image of the unwanted behavior is going to
fall down into the bottom corner of the frame and become small, black
and white, and faded.
The wallet-sized photo of the wanted behavior that represents you feeling
strong, confident, and empowered is going to shoot up into the center of the
picture frame with great speed, and become big and bright and colorful. It
will seem to jump right in front of you as the other picture fades from your
awareness. Switch these two images as quickly as you can!
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Ready . . .
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Immediately that old, unwanted picture drops down into the corner of
the frame, becoming a tiny black and white and so faded that you barely
notice it. Simultaneously, the new, empowering image of you strong,
focused, and taking positive action jumps into the center of the frame
big, close, and bright!
Outstanding! Now pretend that a large curtain lowers down over
the picture frame, hiding the frame from your eyes. Behind this curtain,
those two pictures return back to their original positions. The unwanted
behavior moves to the center of the frame, taking on the attributes of big
and colorful. The wanted behavior moves to the bottom corner of the
frame, taking on the attributes of small and black and white.
In a moment, this curtain will quickly lift, revealing the picture
frame again. As soon as you can imagine seeing the unwanted picture
(behavior), say the word “Swish!” This will trigger the two pictures to
switch places and attributes once more. The key to this is in how fast you
can get those two pictures to switch places.
Curtain opens . . .
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You see the unwanted picture with the old feelings. “Swish!” The
new picture instantly jumps up into the center of the frame, blocking your
view of anything else. The old picture falls down into the corner of the
frame and becomes even smaller, dimmer, and hazier than before! The
desired picture gets bigger and brighter than ever. It even seems to move
closer toward you, which makes you feel more hopeful, confident, and
motivated in every way.
Fantastic! You’re doing great! Now let that curtain drop back down
over the picture frame again. Take a deep breath in and relax your
shoulders. As you do, imagine the pictures reluctantly moving back to
their original positions, taking on their original attributes. In a moment
the curtain will lift once again. As soon as you see or think about the old
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unwanted behavior, it instantly triggers the swish-switch. The new thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors immediately appear in your mind’s eye.
Curtain opens . . .
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See, hear, or feel the old thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. “Swish!”
Immediately you imagine yourself thinking, feeling, or behaving in the
more desirable way! Imagine yourself in full color, larger than ever, right
in front of you. This time the unwanted picture crumbles and falls out of
the frame completely. The picture of the new, empowered you continues
to expand as it fills up the entire picture frame. It’s even brighter and more
colorful than ever before, which makes you feel even more confident,
excited, and motivated!
This particular exercise is referred to as a swish pattern. The goal
is to create a link between the unwanted and wanted behaviors so that
every time you begin to engage in the unwanted behavior, it triggers
the new behavior instead. We want to condition your brain to do this
automatically, unconsciously, and consistently. For this to happen, you
must practice this swish pattern fifty times. It goes pretty quickly, and
once the link is firmly established in your brain, it should be permanent.
Imagine starting to slip into an old habit of procrastinating and then
“Swish!” the thought or feeling of wanting to take immediate action blazes
into your mind. Instead of trying to eliminate old behaviors, you are now
transforming them and using them to your advantage. Imagine starting
to procrastinate and then suddenly feeling a rush of enthusiasm and
motivation course through you. That would be pretty amazing, right? Well,
that’s exactly what doing this exercise repeatedly will create for you.
Therefore your mission is to do this “Swish!” pattern fifty times. You
can be a maniac and do it all right now or you can space it out over the
next couple of days. Either way is fine. Just make sure you do it. Trust me;
you will want to do this! The first time you revert back to an old, unwanted
habit and your mind blasts you with the new feeling and action without
any conscious effort on your part, you will be freaking amazed!
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Making it Work in the Future
Let’s add one more element to this exercise. Imagine yourself in the
future, perhaps months from now, and you’re doing great. Everything’s
wonderful, and then all of a sudden something goes wrong, and you
start to retreat back into old pain-producing habits. You see that old
picture, those old doubts, those old insecurities, and then all of a sudden,
“Swish!” The empowering picture and all the wonderful feelings that
go with it instantly jumps into the forefront of your mind. Suddenly you
imagine yourself getting refocused once more. You immediately feel
strong, confident, and in control now and in the future. Take a few minutes
and fully play this out in the theatre of your imagination now.
An Auditory Alternative
That particular swish pattern works well for those who are visual,
meaning that you are easily able to visualize pictures in your mind.
If you attempted to do this exercise but had a hard time picturing the
images I described, try the following exercise instead. Auditory people
don’t really see pictures. You might get glimpses of something in your
imagination, and you know what things look like, but you don’t see it
clearly in your head. Auditory people prefer talking things out in their
minds. If this is the case for you, do the following modified exercise.
Imagine how your voice sounds when you start to procrastinate, for
example. The pitch is probably low, and there’s no energy to it. Perhaps
the voice sounds like it’s coming from the left, rear side of your head.
What might that voice say when it wants you to procrastinate? Perhaps,
“I don’t feel like it. I’ll do it later.”
Great. Hey, what color is your car again? Okay, now imagine how
your voice might sound if you were incredibly motivated. This voice may
be higher or deeper pitched and sound stronger and more energetic.
Maybe this voice seems to come from the front center part of your head.
What might this voice say when it’s really motivating? Perhaps, “Do it
now! Let’s go!”
Now run the swish pattern. Imagine starting to hear that old, familiar
voice in the back of your head, and suddenly the stronger, more powerful
and motivated voice drowns it out as it blasts loudly in front of you.
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Imagine that the more empowered, motivated voice is coming through
a high-powered Bose audio system, which immediately drowns out any
weaker voices. Keep using the first voice to trigger the second one until
it happens automatically.
The Feelings Approach
Still there are others who don’t see things or hear things as much as
they feel them. These people have a representational system that is more
kinesthetic, or physical, in nature. Kinesthetic people tend to go by how
they feel. Their gut reactions usually drive their behaviors. If you think this
applies to you, do the following.
Imagine getting in touch with the feeling that you get when you
procrastinate. Brian, a kinesthetic client of mine, described a heavy
sensation in his stomach whenever he procrastinated. When he felt
motivated, however, there was a light, tingling sensation in his chest. So we
used the sensation and the location of the feelings in the swish pattern.
If you want to keep it really simple, do what my ten-year-old client,
Sarah, did. She would get really scared when it rained outside. I asked
her to get in touch with the fearful feelings she experienced when it
rained. Then I asked her what color it was. She said, “Red.” Then I asked
her how she would like to feel when it rained. She said, “I want to feel
safe like when my mom holds me.” I asked her to get in touch with that
feeling and then to give it a color. She said, “It looks green.” We then did
a simple swish pattern in which Sarah thought of it raining, felt the “red”
feeling, and swished it to “green.” We repeated this three times, and
Sarah started smiling broadly. I asked what was happening. She said, “I
hear the rain and I see a green rainbow. It makes me feel good.” From
then on, Sarah was able to get through rainstorms just fine. If a ten-year-
old can use this swish pattern to overcome her limitations, so can you.
Want to know why I asked you the color of your car? It was a pattern
interrupt. I wanted you to feel two separate and distinct emotions. I didn’t
want you intertwining them. The last thing you want is to feel highly
motivated to procrastinate. !
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Because your actions are dictated by your emotions, the following
exercise will help you to generate strong, confident feelings at will!
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Step One: In your mind, imagine drawing a large circle in front of
you using your favorite color of paint.
Step Two: Next, think about the last time you really felt relaxed.
Perhaps you were on vacation and you got to sleep in. Or maybe you
were reclining back in your favorite chair watching a movie. As you replay
this memory in your mind, intensify the emotions using the submodalities
(characteristics) you learned about earlier. Make the memory brighter,
more colorful, and clearer. Bring it closer, make it bigger, and turn up
any relaxing sounds.
As you think about this memory, what is it specifically that makes it
so relaxing for you? What are you seeing in your mind? What are you
hearing and feeling? When you feel really relaxed, where do you feel
it in your body? Perhaps you think back to a time when you were curled
up on the couch next to a fireplace. You see the warm, red blanket, and
there’s soft music playing in the background. You can feel the heat from
the fireplace, and your arms and legs go loose and limp.
Step Three: As you begin to re-experience that sensation of relaxation
from recalling this memory, take a deep breath in and visualize yourself
stepping forward into the circle you drew a moment ago. As you bring
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the memory, including the images, sounds, and sensations into your circle
of power, envision the circle being filled with great feelings of relaxation.
A sense of comfort and peace engulfs the circle, and as you stand in the
center of it, you feel saturated with a feeling of security and ease.
Take another deep breath, and then take a step backward, exiting
the circle of power and leaving all the relaxing emotions inside. From
the outside of your circle, you might imagine swirling lights or waves
of relaxing emotion fl oating within your circle. Or you may just sense
that each time you enter this circle, you’re filled with sensations of
incredible calm.
Step Four: Next, think back to a time when you felt very confident.
Perhaps it was a time when you set a goal, followed through, and
achieved it. Maybe you won an award or received recognition for a job
well done. Choose a memory like this and experience it in the same way
that you did with the relaxing memory. Take your time and do this now.
In this memory, what is it specifically that makes you feel confident?
What do you see, hear, and feel? Perhaps you did really well on a
project and your manager complimented you. You hear his words and
feel the pat on your back. Confidence and pride fill your chest, and
you feel a rush of excitement course through your body. Get this feeling
moving through your body again right now. Make it strong, and then
double the feeling of confidence.
Hold your body the way you did when you felt confident in the past.
Take a full, deep breath and sit or stand up straight. Say to yourself
what you said or heard then, and use the same tone of voice. Allow
your body to fill with that strong, confident emotion, and when you feel
as confident as you can in this moment, imagine stepping forward into
your circle of power.
Immediately sense that feeling of relaxation that was established
before, but now you also feel that inner strength that comes from being
internally empowered as well. As the confident and relaxing emotions
combine, you become more focused. In your circle of power, with the
lights swirling around, you begin to feel powerful. This feels good.
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Absorb this wonderful sensation, and then confidently take a step back
as you exit your circle of power. Although you are feeling exceptionally
good now, know that every time you step into this circle, you will
immediately feel more relaxed, confident, focused, and powerful.
Step Five: Well done! Now, think back to a time when you felt
incredibly persistent, maybe even stubborn. A time when you decided that
you were going to get your way no matter what it took. Maybe you got
hungry in the middle of the night, so you drove to every grocery store in
town until you found one that was open. Or it might have been a particular
job or position in a company that you set your sights on and pursued until
you attained it. Young kids provide many examples of persistence when
they want something, even when their parents say no. Think of something
that you persisted in getting and then got. Do this now.
Once you have this memory, do the same thing you did with the
circle before. Use your imagination to intensify the emotions, and then
imagine bringing that emotion into your circle of power. Do this now.
As you step into your circle, imagine immediately feeling relaxed,
confident, and persistent. This incredible combination of emotions makes
you a force to be reckoned with. You are powerful, strong, and focused,
and if you put your sights on something, you’re going to get it! This makes
you feel good. It makes you feel strong. It makes you feel motivated!
Enjoy this sensation and then exit your circle and admire the swirling
vortex of power you have created.
Step Six: Standing outside your circle of power now, are there any
other emotions you’d like to add to the circle? Is there another specific
emotion that you would like to experience more often? If so, go through
the same process that you did when feeling relaxed, confident, and
persistent. Add as many positive emotional states as you wish, and then
continue to the next step. Do this now.
Step Seven: Fantastic! Imagine standing in the center of your
circle of power soaking in the powerful, positive, loving, pleasurable
feelings that you have created. Know now with confidence that you can
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achieve anything you want in life by keeping these driving emotions
alive within you. Believe with certainty that when in this circle you
have the courage to succeed at making your life a masterpiece! You
are becoming the person you have always wanted to be right this
second. This feels great, doesn’t it? Sure it does! And the feelings will
become even stronger over time, especially as you reinforce your circle
of power over time. This is how. . . .
Step Eight: Each time you naturally feel empowered, imagine your
circle and bring the emotion into it. Step forward into your circle and
add this particular emotion to the mix. Doing so will actually strengthen
all the emotions that are already in there.
Step Nine: Now step out of your circle and notice if there is anything
that you’d like to remove from your circle. If so, imagine vacuuming it up
or vaporizing it with a laser beam. Make sure the circle contains only
good feelings that reassure and compliment you, emotions that help you
believe in yourself and the beauty of your dreams. Take your time and
do this now.
Step Ten: Wonderful. For the final step in this exercise, think of
something that’s been troubling or concerning you. Maybe it’s a problem
or decision you’re facing that’s making you feel insecure or doubtful.
Perhaps there’s a goal that, if you fully committed, it would result in a
substantial upgrade in the quality of your life. The only problem is that
you keep shutting down instead. You may even suffer from a nagging
fear that “it’s never going to happen.” Envision a situation like this in
your mind, create a mental snapshot of it, and get in touch with the
uncomfortable or fearful feelings that accompany it. Do this now.
Very good. I imagine it was fairly easy to get in touch with those
fearful emotions. People go to insecure emotional states much more often
than confident states. Notice I said “go to.” Remember, you create the
feelings you experience throughout the day. Some think that feelings
just happen. But feelings don’t come to you. You go to them. Out of the
dozens of emotional states that you could experience in a day, there are
about six that you habitually go to.
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Feelings don’t come to you. You go to them.
Before I made the changes in my life that I am asking you to make
in yours, the six emotional states I continually generated were anxiety,
motivation, enthusiasm, fear, frustration, and sadness. Then I’d go back
to anxiety and start the cycle all over again. This is what it was like.
I’d begin to feel anxious because I knew my life could be more than it
currently was. Suddenly I’d get a surge of motivation to charge forward
and, with great enthusiasm, I would begin setting and accomplishing
hundreds of goals and tasks during the week. Yet, after a while, I’d begin
to feel as though I weren’t making the kind of progress that I thought I
should be making. That’s when I’d start getting frustrated. Frustration is an
extremely limited state of mind, and from it comes nothing but mistakes,
disasters, and letdowns. I’d let my fears begin to get the best of me until I
finally lost my motivation and drive and became sad. Eventually, I’d snap
myself out of this pity party mood by thinking that if I didn’t pick myself
back up and start moving forward again, I’d never get what I wanted.
The anxiety I felt from having that thought compelled me to get motivated
once more, and I was off again.
For quite a while I thought maybe I had bipolar disorder, but after
talking with thousands of business professionals, I discovered I wasn’t
alone. It turns out that this is a common cycle among entrepreneurs. Is
it yours?
If it is, you can change it in the same way that I did through utilizing
your circle in the following way. As you think about the memory or
situation that’s been holding you back, identify specifically what it is
that’s upsetting you. What’s the real worry or fear if you get down to the
nitty-gritty? Is it a fear of rejection or failure? Are you afraid of looking
bad or getting hurt? Identify the specific fear now.
Once you’ve created a snapshot of the fear-producing situation
you’d like to eliminate from your life, take a deep breath, and imagine
dragging this snapshot into your circle of power. As you do, immediately
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notice how the picture instantly transforms. Feeling relaxed, confident,
focused, persistent, and whatever else you added, the fear suddenly
becomes smaller and seems more fragile. An idea enters your mind. “I
can handle this. It’s not that big of a deal.”
When you feel secure and resourceful, any situation will feel more
within your control. Imagine now feeling in control and in charge as
you imagine the once-fearful feelings evaporating and being replaced
with feelings of peace and confidence. Although the particular details of
this once-fearful snapshot have not changed, your mindset and feelings
have, and this is what will make all the difference.
Situations that once appeared so scary or overwhelming are now
shrinking as you gain perspective. They are suddenly no big deal because
you are not making them a big deal any more. You are in control! You
are strong! You are tough! You are way more powerful than any situation
or singular event! You are an incredible, creative force to be reckoned
with, and the ability and resilience within you is simply awesome!
Take this snapshot and transform it into a movie of you taking charge
and being proactive while feeling confident and resourceful. Then decide
what action steps you can take today to produce the positive outcomes
you desire. Actually, by doing this exercise, you’ve already taken the
most important first step.
Taking action will make you feel empowered. Procrastinating will
make you feel insecure and doubtful. Before taking that action, get in the
habit of entering a resourceful state by stepping in to your circle of power.
This will remind you that you have many choices that are available to
you at any given moment. When people get scared and shut down, they
enter a very limited state of awareness. Often they only see one or two
options available to them, and both are typically unattractive.
As you take action from a secure, resourceful state, you’ll start
getting more desirable outcomes, and the fastest way to enter this state
of resourcefulness is through stepping forward into your circle of power.
In fact, if you have other self-limiting fears or situations, drag them one
at a time into your circle and transform them! Because you are becoming
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more assertive and self-confident each day, situations that at one time
seemed insurmountable will now be conquered.
Again, it was never the situations themselves but your interpretations
that mattered most. Over time you’ll discover things working out easier
for you, because instead of debating situations or procrastinating, you
simply make a choice, take action, get results, and then make another
decision based on the feedback you got. The whole decision-making
process becomes easier because you realize that nothing is finite. There’s
always another choice available to you, which eliminates the fear of
failure because from this perspective, there’s only feedback. No failure,
just feedback, and you always have the choice to make that feedback
work to your advantage.
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You’ve begun to take action with a powerful positive attitude and
other tools to reach your goals. Now I’ll reveal the ultimate secret for
remaining courageous, competent, and happy throughout your lifetime:
Create an internal and external environment that supports your goals and
dreams. First, your external environment.
Creating a Supportive External Environment
What kind of environment do you surround yourself with? What kind
of television programs or movies do you watch? What kind of books do
you read? (Here is where you say “I’m reading a great one right now!”
!) Do you listen to audiobooks? What kind of music do you listen to?
What kind of people do you hang out with? Do you attend inspirational
classes or seminars? Do you have a place in your home where you can
relax or be revitalized? Do you have a place where you can go to be
motivated or spiritually refreshed?
The answers to those very important questions will reveal a lot about
how your unconscious mind is currently being programmed! Remember
what we said earlier in the book: Your genie doesn’t care what’s good
or bad for you. That’s the function of your conscious. Your unconscious is
responsible for manifesting reality, not judging it. So you better make damn
sure that you’re feeding your genie what you actually want. To accomplish
this, focus on what you want and fill your day (and your mind) with
activities and people that support it!
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Television and Movies
Many people who watch their local news before going to sleep
report feeling tired or grouchy in the morning. Motivational legend Zig
Ziglar continually warned people about watching the news before going
to bed. “It fills your brain with negativity that your unconscious mind then
processes all night long. For many, it’s the number one reason for why
they wake up in the morning feeling tired and agitated.” This is because
you are feeding your mind pure glumness and misery while your mind
is in a naturally hypnotic state! Show anyone a program full of murder,
violence, and rape before going to sleep and they are going to suffer
from it! If you watch the local news—or negative, violent movies—try
turning it off for a week, or tune in to the uplifting segments and movies,
and see if your spirits lift. My money says they do!
Libraries and Bookstores
Want to continually reinforce your positive outlook and motivation?
Get to the local library or bookstore and pick up some audiobooks for
the car and motivational books for your nightstand!
I strongly recommend you immerse yourself in audio programs and
books like the one you are reading right now. When first beginning my
journey of self-improvement, I didn’t actually know anyone who was as
positive, confident, or successful as I wished to be. So I went to the local
library in search of mentors. If I didn’t know anyone personally, I figured
I could meet some people through the books they wrote. That was one of
the best decisions I ever made.
My advice is to grab any title that jumps out to you and read or listen
to it. Some of the material will be garbage, and some will be golden. The
only way to find out is to dive in. I used to grab four or five audiobooks at
a time and listen to them all day long while I drove, cut the grass, or went
for walks. I truly believe that I learned more about how to be confident,
happy, and successful from those free books at the library than all eight
years that I went to college and graduate school for psychology.
I attribute most of my success to the audiobooks that I borrowed
from the library. My friends were Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Zig Ziglar,
Brian Tracy, John Grey, Scott Peck, Deepak Chopra, Steven King (not
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motivational, but a great story teller). I haven’t met most of these authors,
and yet I still feel like we are close friends. I’ve listened to their life
experiences, words of advice, and triumphs and failures so many times
that they have become a part of my life. Just like I am becoming a part
of your life right now. I am here to support, inspire, and motivate you.
I want you to succeed. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the
best life possible!
People
You want to hang around people like me because I want what’s best
for you with no strings attached! This is what those authors wanted for
me, and this is what I want for you. Perhaps you will do the same for
others if you’re not already doing so. When you reach for another’s
hand, make sure it is pulling you up. If it pulls you down, that is not the
hand you should be reaching for.
When you reach for another’s hand, make sure it is pulling you up.
If it pulls you down, that is not the hand you should be reaching for.
Have you ever heard this expression: “If you want to fly like an
eagle, don’t hang out with turkeys”? It came from the idea that you
become who you most hang out with most. If you grew up in a family full
of overweight people, the odds are you will become overweight simply
because you’re absorbing all the bad habits that make people heavy. If
you’re working toward financial freedom, realize that your income will
likely be the average of the five people you hang around most. Thus, if
you truly want to be successful, you must model those who you wish to
be like and avoid those who provide a poor example.
Here is a great example of what not to do. If you’re trying to lose
weight, do not call your fat friend to go for walks with you. As soon as
she cancels on you—and she will—you’ll immediately lose all motivation,
and the walk will never happen. Instead, you have to call the skinny
person you secretly hate and invite her for a walk. If you model (mimic)
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her attitude and behaviors toward being healthy and thinner, you’ll
become this way too.
This was the biggest challenge for me. I realized that some of my old
friendships had to be let go of, at least until I had rooted myself in the new
beliefs and behaviors that I desired. You may have certain friends that
are fun to be with but poor role models when it comes to what you want
from life. Or perhaps you have friends who are constantly complaining,
shooting you down, or focused solely on themselves. These people are
like crabs in a barrel. If one crab climbs to the top of the barrel, ready to
escape, all the other crabs will work together to pull that one crab back
down to the bottom. Moral of the story: Avoid crabby people. !
What happens when the person you’re married to is the one bringing
you down? I’m asked this one often. Here’s the short answer. First, stop
focusing on what your spouse is doing to you and instead focus on
what you can do to improve the situation. We often seem to attract
our opposite when it comes to relationships. One partner will be more
easygoing and the other more cautious and analytical, which can inspire
balance and harmony. Two analyzers would drive each other crazy, and
two dreamers would never get anything accomplished. !
If you feel your partner is critical or unsupportive, step back from
the situation and ask yourself, “What’s really going on here?” If your
spouse is constantly upset, complaining, or acting needy, what s/he is
really trying to convey to you is, “I’m hurting! I’m in pain! I need your
help!” Whether your partner has a lot of self-esteem issues or not, when
they behave in this manner, there actually is a positive intention behind
it (a secondary gain). That positive intention, which is usually out of
your partner’s conscious awareness, is either a need for connection,
significance, or validation.
If you work many long hours, your wife may feel like your job is her
competition. If you invest all of your energy and attention in your kids,
your husband may no longer feel significant or important to you. This book
isn’t about relationships, although that’s a huge factor in how successful
you will become in life. Thus I recommend two excellent resources on
relationships: Dr. John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
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and Cloé Madanes’s Relationship Breakthrough, with an introduction by
Tony Robbins. What they’ve learned from their experiences will transform
your relationship!
I’m also asked what to do in regards to extended family members
who are unsupportive. If you have a parent or sibling who is critical or
discouraging, distance yourself from that person. Just because you have
the same blood doesn’t mean they have the right to negatively influence
your life. Even if you call this person Mom or Dad, s/he is just another
person. If you have to take care of this person because s/he is older and
nobody else can do it, lay down the ground rules. If you stay persistent,
stubborn, and consistent in telling him/her how you expect to be treated
from now on, eventually they will either comply or get put in a home.
Do I sound harsh? What’s really harsh is how I’ve seen critical,
selfish people take advantage of really kind souls, and the main reason
it happens is because the kind souls tolerate it and play the helpless child
role. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Use the tools in
this book to make you stronger, and then systematically begin to teach
people to treat you in the way you are now treating yourself (respectfully)
or they will no longer be receiving your attention.
Fred and Ethel were both in their late eighties. Ethel was an incredibly
sweet and caring woman who’d do anything for anyone. Fred, on the
other hand, was a little rough around the edges. Each year Fred and
Ethel attended the state fair. At this particular fair, one of the attractions
happened to be a local pilot who offered to take people up in his three-
seater airplane so that they could view the fair from above. Every year
Ethel begged Fred to go for a plane ride, and every year Fred resisted.
Ethel would say, “Come on, Fred. Let’s go this year,” and every year
Fred would reply, “Well, I’d like to go, but you know it costs ten dollars,
and ten dollars is ten dollars.” So they never went.
They never went, at least, until last year. Last summer was Fred and
Ethel’s sixty-fifth wedding anniversary, and it was around the same time
as the state fair. As they entered the fairgrounds, Ethel became excited.
“Look, Fred,” she exclaimed, “the man with the plane is here again!
Can we go?” Fred thought about it for a moment, and then behaved as
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he always had. “Well, I’d like to, but it costs ten dollars, and ten dollars
is ten dollars.” Ethel spoke up this time. “But, Fred, if we don’t go now,
we might not ever get to. We’re not that young anymore, and we might
never get the chance to do something like this ever again.” Fred replied,
“Yes, this is true, but ten dollars is still ten dollars.”
Meanwhile, the pilot overheard their conversation and approached
them. “Excuse me. I overheard your conversation, and I’d like to make
you an interesting proposition. I will take you both up in my airplane and
give you the ride of your life, and as long as you’re quiet and I don’t hear
one single peep out of you, then the ride is absolutely free! However, if
I hear one noise, one yelp, one scream, it’s ten dollars!” Ethel looked at
Fred excitedly and said, “Come on, Fred. We can do it. Come on. Let’s
go.” This time Ethel actually pulled Fred toward the plane, more telling
him to go than asking. Finally, Fred submitted and they went.
As the pilot started the engine and took off, he didn’t hear a single
sound from either one of them. He began to think, “This gas isn’t cheap.
I need that ten dollars.” Immediately the pilot hit the throttle and began
diving and climbing and swooshing around. But still he heard nothing. He
thought, “This will get them for sure.” He thrust the throttle from side to side
and completed a full upside down barrel roll. But to his amazement, he
still didn’t hear even a peep from Fred or Ethel. Finally the pilot landed the
plane. He leaned his head back and said, “Ma’am, I have to admit I am
very impressed. I really gave it to you, and I didn’t hear anything.” Ethel
replied, “That ride was so exciting. I even got scared a couple of times. And
when you did the roll where we went upside down and Fred fell out of the
plane, I really wanted to say something. But ten dollars is ten dollars!”
Find a couple of mentors, positive role models that you can emulate, and
invest in their programs, seminars, and information. We all need coaches
and positive influences in our lives. It doesn’t matter how happy or successful
you already are, coaches can make your life better. The richest people in
the world have coaches. The most successful people have coaches. Heck,
Oprah Winfrey has a life coach. You should have one too.
Another thing you can do is join a social club where members have
similar interests or are involved in charity work. If you wish to grow a
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business, join a powerful networking group in your area and introduce
yourself to people you can learn from. You could also go to a local
bookstore and join their book clubs and social events. It will be difficult
for you to meet other supportive people if you never leave the house.
It will be diffi cult for you to meet other supportive people
if you never leave the house.
Create the Best External Environment for You
The people you surround yourself with will have a strong influence
over your life and so will the movies you watch, the books you read,
the shows you view on television, and the social situations you include
yourself in. Wayne Dyer once said that when you squeeze an orange,
orange juice comes out because that’s what’s inside. You would not expect
to squeeze an orange and have lemon juice seep out. His point was that
when life puts the squeeze on you, how you respond is determined by
what’s inside of you. When responding to critical people, stressful time
constraints, money pressures, and other problems, how do you respond?
What comes out of you? Do you react with anger, sadness, frustration,
love, or calm focus? Much of what’s inside of you is a result of what’s
being absorbed from around you because you soak in your surrounding
environment like a sponge.
Much of what’s inside of you is a result
of what’s being absorbed from around you.
Your surrounding environment is very influential.
It doesn’t matter how strong or positive you think you are. If you’re in
the midst of a toxic environment long enough, it will eventually wear you
down. It may not topple you completely, but it’s not worth chancing it any
longer. Therefore, begin right now to build a stronger, more supportive
atmosphere for you to immerse yourself in so that when life puts the
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squeeze on you, courage, determination, and strength is what’s released
because that’s what’s inside.
Reading books, having coaches, attending seminars, and joining
positive social groups are all great individually. However, adding them
all together and making them a part of your life will transform you!
I listen to audiobooks daily, I have several motivational books on the
nightstand by my bed, I’m chapter president of a local networking group
(BNI), and I’ve surrounded myself with successful, motivated people who
are striving to be the best that they can be. You can do the same. Start
out small and begin building your external supportive environment. One
thing to avoid may be “support groups.” Initially, if you’re going through
difficult times, especially because of medical or health reasons, support
groups can be wonderful. Just be selective of the groups you attend.
I’ve lectured for a couple of groups that received many secondary
gains from playing the victim. The group you join must be supportive
and focused on solutions. Gathering with others who are as lost as you
is not the goal. Hang around those who have already overcome what
you’re going through so that you have someone to model yourself after.
Remember, eagles and turkeys. There’s a reason we don’t eat eagles
on Thanksgiving.
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The reason your external environment is so important is because it
directly influences your internal environment. The unconscious mind is
heavily programmed by the information coming in through your senses,
especially visual and auditory input. What you consistently see and hear
gets recorded and acted upon by the portion of your brain that controls
80 percent of what you do. Thus it makes sense to heavily monitor this
external information, doing your best to make sure it is of a positive and
emotionally supportive nature.
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Listen to the conversations other people have over the
next week. Pay particular attention to what they say to themselves.
You’ll be surprised, perhaps even shocked, how much people’s words
sabotage their own efforts. Also notice how this forces you to pay
attention to the things you focus on and say to yourself each day.
After a while, it will no longer surprise you as to why you’ve felt the
way you have.
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Examples of Negative Self-talk:
“It’s going to be one of those days.”
“How’s it going?” “Well, it’s Monday.”
“Every time it happens, I just get so mad.”
“It’s been a long day. I deserve to treat myself.”
“Nobody is buying anything in this economy!”
“If he wouldn’t have said this, I wouldn’t have said that.”
“Life’s a bitch and then you die.”
“It’s Murphy’s Law.”
“Why me?”
Even though it’s not what’s happening around you but how you’re
interpreting it that determines your experience, it will be much easier
for you to feel good if you are around good things. For example, the
best way to improve your self-talk is to hear others speaking positively
around you. That’s why I recommend inspirational movies, audiobooks,
and role models.
Creating a Supportive Internal Environment
As we discussed in the previous chapter, certain family members
can be toxic to your personal and professional success. Just because
you have the same blood doesn’t mean they have the right to abuse or
disrespect you or that you should let them. You must demand respect for
yourself by giving it to yourself first. Demanding respect from someone
else without respecting yourself will never work. Yet most people continue
doing this. They attempt to manipulate or bargain for another’s approval
by sacrificing themselves.
Demanding respect from someone
without respecting yourself will never work.
Teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
I’ve worked with more clients than I can count who were torn between
anger and guilt because they were in charge of caring for a parent who
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had made them feel “less than” their sibling(s) growing up. “You’d think
my sister was made of gold,” one client stated. “I do everything for my
mother, and it’s never good enough. She’s constantly saying that my sister
would have done it this way and she’s so much better at doing that! If my
sister’s so damn great, where the hell is she? I’m the one taking care of
my mother, by myself, and I’m sick of it!” Every time I’ve ever responded
with “Then stop taking care of her,” I hear “I can’t. She needs me.” That’s
the guilt talking. Although this may be a factual statement, it is driven by
the fact that this woman still seeks the approval of her mother. Thus she
sacrifices her own self-esteem by tolerating the disrespect of her mother.
Clients go on to justify their behaviors by saying, “It wouldn’t make any
difference anyway. She’s been this way her whole life. She’s not going to
change now.” I reply, “This too may be correct. However, standing up
for yourself is for you, not for her. You, too, have acted this way your
whole life. Are you going to continue staying the same? Allowing others
to disrespect or take you for granted is very childish and immature, and
it won’t change when your mother dies. You will continue to seek out the
approval from others because you’re not getting it from yourself.
The only way to escape this pain-producing cycle is to spend more
time chasing your own approval! In fact, once you give yourself what
you truly need, you won’t need it from your mother anymore. You’ll
finally be free, and when your mom starts on about your sister, you’ll
be able to smile or laugh to yourself because it won’t matter anymore.
The guilt and anger toward your mother will be replaced with a sense of
compassion and pity. After all, it’s very sad that your mother never loved
herself enough to realize how amazing the daughter who takes care of
her has become.”
e only way to escape the pain-producing cycle of a toxic human
environment
is to love and respect yourself and your creator.
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Beginning today, you and I are going to make a deal together, okay?
Even if you don’t think that the last example has anything to do with you,
it probably does with someone you know, which will hopefully make you
a little more understanding. I bet, however, that there is something you
are seeking that you feel is “outside” of you. It could be a feeling of love,
approval, or respect. It could also be a feeling of success, pride, power,
wealth, significance, or connection.
Today you are going to begin giving yourself what you need instead
of trying to get it through others! The fastest way to feel the way you want
is by giving it to yourself. If you want to feel loved, treat yourself in a
loving way. You can start this by giving yourself a BIG HUG right now as
you say out loud, “I LOVE ME!” Go on. Wrap those arms around yourself
and declare to yourself and the world, “I LOVE ME!” Do this now!
Today you are going to begin giving yourself what you need
instead of trying to get it through others!
Did you do it? I hope so. If not, run your BS excuses for not doing this
through the Six Power Questions. Then stand in your power and declare,
“I LOVE ME!” Any resistance you have toward doing this is stupid and
immature. Self-esteem comes from taking positive action. The fastest way
to let someone know that you love him/her is to tell him/her so and offer
a hug. Just thinking it in your head will not convey the message! So take
loving action and give this to yourself now. If you’ve already done so,
do it again. You’ll need to hear and feel this all the time to really believe
in it! Go for it!
Self-esteem comes from taking positive action.
If you pretend you’re a doormat, people will line up to walk over you,
and that chapter of your life is now over! You are so much better than
that! You are too worthy and too wonderful to be anyone’s marching
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ground, even your own. When you treat yourself the way you want to
be treated, others will begin to follow suit. Most will treat you with more
respect and dignity, though not everyone will. These are the people you
need to distance yourself from, even if they are family!
Today you begin treating yourself in the way you ultimately want
to be treated. No longer will you wait for “someday” to come around.
Today is that day. Nor will you continue to pretend that you are less
than who you really are. You may be playing the part of someone who
is fearful or limited, but this is a learned pattern of behavior. You must
separate yourself from those old, childish behaviors. You were born to be
the best that you can be and to enjoy the growth process. Our Creator
never designed anyone to be mediocre. You were not divinely created
to hold back. It goes against the very fabric of your being, which is why,
when you act in this way, you feel frustrated or sad. You know deep
down inside that there is more to life and that you are more than you
have become.
You are an incredibly beautiful human being and you deserve to be
prosperous and abundant in all areas of your life. The faster you agree
with me on this, the sooner it will become your reality. As Henry Ford
said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing,
you’re right.” Today believe you can, and what you believe will happen
for you.
Our Creator never designed anyone to be mediocre.
You were born to be the best that you can be.
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The following is a transformational exercise for believing in yourself
and your own worthiness. Although I’ve given you several logical
justifications for loving, trusting, and believing in yourself, most of
how you behave is based on emotional, and sometimes completely
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irrational, programming from the past. Thus, you need to attend to these
emotions that linger in your internal environment in order for authentic
breakthroughs to occur.
The instructions are simple. Continue reading, and as you are asked
to think about certain things, allow yourself to do so. As memories start
to enter your conscious awareness, stop reading and take as long as
you need to complete the exercise. This one visualization can change
your entire life. It’s powerful, meaningful, and necessary. But before we
begin, I want to ask you a question.
Wouldn’t it have been interesting if you would have had someone
in your life who could have been there to console, comfort, or offer an
explanation during your most crucial, frightening, or confusing moments?
As an adult, you now see the world in a much different way than
you did when you were a child. So much about the world and the
people in it can seem confusing and scary when you are a little girl or
boy. Children don’t really have any power and can often misinterpret
events or others’ behaviors in ways that can negatively affect them their
entire lives.
So many of my clients have been mentally imprisoned by feelings of
unworthiness because their parents mistreated them. The child thinks, “I
must be bad or unworthy of love for my parents to treat me this way.” The
child does not have the mental maturity to rationalize that it is their parents
who are immature and who have behaved badly. Because children place
their parents on pedestals, it can be incredibly challenging as a child to
think that their mistreatment can be anything other than their own fault.
Some even feel guilty for being born. They enter the world feeling
like a burden, as though they had any kind of control over that. Again,
this is faulty parenting and not the child’s responsibility. But we are not
dealing with logic here. We are dealing with emotional beliefs and
childish feelings that control so many adult children today.
Angie came to see me for weight loss. She was one hundred pounds
overweight and had tried everything to lose it. At one time in her life,
she actually did lose the weight, but then quickly gained it all back. The
most frustrating thing for Angie was that even when she exercised and
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ate better, her weight never really decreased. Only through hypnosis
was she able to understand why.
I led Angie through the exercise you are about to engage in, and this
is what happened. Angie was instructed to go back to the earliest time
she had ever remembered feeling upset or frustrated. Angie was quiet for
a moment and then her bottom lip started trembling. In a small, childlike
voice she began to speak. “I’m very little and my parents are fighting
again. My parents were always fighting about money. My being born
put a huge stress on them. They never said anything to me directly, but I
felt a lot of guilt about being born. If I didn’t exist, maybe they wouldn’t
have always been yelling at each other.”
Angie had a crime of existence. If you recall from the beginning of
the book, this means that she felt it was a crime that she had been born,
and her self-inflicted punishment would be to make herself as non-existent
as possible. When first meeting Angie, she was quiet and reserved. She
dressed very plain, wore no makeup, and made little eye contact. She
described herself as a loner, had a boring job that kept her hidden away
from the public, and her only friend was food.
When Angie did manage to lose the weight, she began to attract
attention from those around her. This was simply unacceptable to the part
of her mind that had become her jailor, and so she unconsciously put
the weight back on. Through the use of the following exercise, we were
able to help Angie’s inner child clarify what was really going on with her
parents and reassure her that she was a good person, created by God,
and that she was supposed to be here. Her birth was not an accident,
but a miracle. It took some time before Angie was really able to let that
sink in, and when she finally did, the weight came off and stayed off! Her
intense loneliness lifted, and thus there was no longer a need to distract
herself with food. She was finally freed from her own prison sentence.
To become free from your own self-imposed mental prison, take a
slow, deep breath in, and then do the following. First, I’d like you to
identify someone that, if s/he were with you during your most trying
moments in life, would have been a tremendous source of support for
you. This person could have been a grandparent, aunt, neighbor, friend,
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or favorite cousin. It could also be a movie star, a historical figure, or a
spiritual teacher. For the purposes of this exercise, I will be referring to
this person as your guardian angel.
Once you have identified who this person might be, imagine going
back to the earliest time you ever remember feeling scared, upset, sad,
or angry. Whatever your mind comes up with is fine. At first, you may
not get anything, but as you allow your mind to take you back to a
time growing up when you felt uncomfortable or distressed, eventually
something will pop into awareness. It may be a time when your parents
were fighting, kids were teasing you, Mom was super critical, Dad was
drinking again, or another time.
As your mind conjures up these memories, you may see them in your
mind, get glimpses or flashes of them, or hear yourself remembering
something. Instead of just recalling this early memory, which would only
reproduce the uncomfortable feelings, I’d like you to imagine that your
guardian angel was right there with you. Imagine s/he is standing or
sitting right beside you, helping you through your time of need.
Perhaps you remember your parents fighting a lot and it made you
feel tense and afraid. Imagine your guardian angel comforting you and
reassuring you that it’s normal for adults to argue sometimes and that it has
nothing to do with you, even if those grown-ups say otherwise. Pretend
that your guardian angel is whispering into your ear that everything is
going to be just fine and that you are safe. Your angel says exactly what
you need to hear. This person explains the things that seem confusing,
reassures you that you are loved, and emphasizes in a very believable
way that you are a very good little boy or girl.
With each memory that comes to mind, have your guardian angel
give you exactly what you need in the form of love, support, reassurance,
and understanding, so that you begin to imagine those memories much
differently now. Instead of feeling so bad or confused, you now have
a sense of perspective and peace. Your guardian angel becomes a
wise, trusted sage who knows just what to say to a child to help him/
her understand what is happening. In this way, situations are no longer
misinterpreted and internalized. Even if the parents continue to argue in
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this memory, you can imagine yourself as a child feeling more calm and
secure. Those adults (your parents) did the best they could with what they
knew, and you needn’t see those memories as if they were caused by
you anymore.
Continue up through the years, jumping from memory to memory,
having your guardian angel with you. Notice what an incredibly positive
impact this has had on your life, having someone there who has been a
role model for you to emulate in your adult years.
Once you reach your present age, imagine drifting into your future.
The guardian angel who was once beside you has now become a
part of you. Now you provide yourself with the same kind of mature
understanding, loving support, and inner security. Also, because you are
becoming better at this every day, you find yourself being able to share
this compassion and uplifting support with those around you. Believe me,
there are millions of kids who are in desperate need of a few kind words
and some supportive smiles. Take all the time you need and continue to
visualize this now.
One Last Exercise
I’d like to lead you through one final exercise that will assist you in
creating a stronger internal environment. When you are ready, take a
full, deep breath in, and relax your shoulders as you gently exhale. . . .
As you continue to relax, I’d like you to imagine walking up to a
rather large stadium. It looks perhaps like a sports arena and the doors
are closed, but you hear a lot of commotion coming from within. You can
hear people chanting and clapping, and it is all very exciting. You can
almost feel the electricity in the air. You begin to wonder what’s going on
and who’s in there. Maybe it’s a big sporting event or a music concert.
Perhaps a group of celebrities are going to take the stage and it’s the
fans that you hear.
Excitedly you open the doors to this stadium and find yourself walking
down a long corridor. As you get closer to entering the stadium, you feel
an immense amount of positive energy coming from the light at the end
of this hallway. The closer you get to the light, the more incredible it feels.
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Finally you reach the light and bravely step into it. Looking around, you
find yourself on a huge platform and suddenly you realize that you’ve
walked out onto the main stage. Thousands of people are facing you,
and one by one they begin to see you on stage. Like a chain reaction,
these people start going crazy with applause. They’re clapping and
yelling and whistling and screaming, and they’re so enthusiastic!
You look around to see who they are making such a fuss over, and
instantly you realize they are all looking at you. All of this positive energy
is focused on you, and frankly, it’s a bit puzzling. As you look out over
the crowd, something happens. You begin recognizing faces! Over there,
toward the right, is your favorite aunt. There’s your uncle nearby. Hey,
there’s your mom and dad, and your siblings are in the front row! Your
entire family is here. Aunts, cousins, great grandparents, they’re all here.
In fact, there are many people you don’t recognize, but it’s as though
you recognize them anyway. They are fathers and sons, mothers and
daughters that make up your family tree. These people represent your
roots, your family history, and they are all here tonight to honor you.
As you continue to scan the audience of cheering fans, you also
notice others in your life. There’s the guy from the office, the girl from
the coffee shop, and your buddy from church. Next you begin to see all
the people from your childhood. The kids that were nice and the ones
that weren’t, because each person you met taught you something about
life. Sometimes the people who give us the most grief are also the ones
who end up teaching us the most about ourselves and life. Tonight, the
friends and the bullies all show up to salute you. It’s like the “game” is
finally revealed, and you realize that each individual had a role to play
in shaping you into the person you were born to be.
Tonight they are here to honor and commend you for contributing to
the world by just being you. There are still thousands more whom you
do not recognize. These are the people that you’ve inspired but do not
realize it. They are strangers that you smiled at, said hello to, and held
the door for. You never realized how much of an effect you’ve had on
others until now, and it’s a bit overwhelming. There are still many others
you haven’t met yet, but in the near future you will meet them. These
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are the people who will enter your life as you need them. They will
inspire you and you will inspire them. In fact, all the people who you
will continue to touch in a positive way are also here, almost as if to say
thanks in advance.
As you take in the love and positive regard that’s being abundantly
sent to you, imagine strolling out to the edge of the stage. Notice a
microphone awaiting you. Take hold of it, and with it, as you muster
a steady breath, say “Thank you.” As the words leave your lips, thrust
your arms in the air in a sign of victory and feel the audience erupt with
even more enthusiastic energy and applause than ever before! As you
read these words, throw your arms up into the air in a sign of victory!
Do it now!
These people love you! They’re chanting your name and sending
out positive energy, and you’re absorbing every last drop of it. As you
bask in the glory of it all, close your eyes and fill your ears with the
applause that rings true and clear. Then, like turning the volume down
on your stereo, hear the adulation die down and become silent. As
your eyes now open, find yourself alone in the stadium. The fans have
disappeared, and yet you can still feel the intense feelings of love and
support they instilled in you.
This kind, gentle energy is all around you, and the positive affirmations
ring true in the center of your mind. Repeat the following affirmations to
yourself now. “I am worthy. I am loved. I am enough. I am good. I am
deserving of success. I feel great today and every day gets better and
better. My thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs are just as important
as anyone else’s because I am just as important as anyone else. I take
chances and calculated risks and I go for what I want in life. I fill my life
with love, excitement, and adventure. I take action toward my goals and
I believe that I will reach them. I shoot for the moon, and even if I miss,
I’ll still land among the stars. My Creator designed me to be the person
that I am. I am capable of great things, and whatever I can conceive, I
truly can achieve.”
Now take your index finger and tap yourself on the forehead as you
say the following out loud: “I create my destiny!” Say this out loud now!
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“I create my destiny!” Say it again with more passion. “I create my
destiny!” Now with even more conviction and belief. “I create my
destiny!!!”
Then place your hand over your heart and say, “I have the power!”
Say it louder. “I have the power!” Again with greater conviction, “I
have the power!” One more time! “I have the power!!!” YES
YOU DO! You create your destiny. You have the power. You have the
courage to succeed, and every day you strive to be your best! You live
every day to its fullest, so that at the end of your journey you have lived
a life worth living. No worries, no regrets, just a life full of memories and
self- pride!
You now feel excited, motivated, and confident in every way. You
have the power to shape your destiny and the self-belief to follow through.
When life gets challenging, fall back on all the insights and exercises
that this books provides you. Continue to practice what you’ve learned,
and add to your supportive environments often. The following quote
comes from Teddy Roosevelt and it is a part of my internal environment.
I recommend adding it to yours. I found it so helpful in times of stress, I
actually printed it out, framed it, and hung it over my desk. It gives me
courage and inspiration to continue charging forward in the pursuit of
my dreams, even when it feels as those all odds are against me. I hope
it does the same for you.
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points
out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of
deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the
man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by
the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who
errs and comes short again and again, because there is no
effort without error or shortcoming; who knows the great
enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a
worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph
of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least
fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be
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Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved
with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory
or defeat.”
A statue or a monument has never been created to honor a critic
because the critics in your life are a dime a dozen. A thousand critics are
not worth one person who dares to believe in the beauty of his dreams
and bravely pursues them. No critic has ever created change or made
a difference in the world. They safely sit back and judge the efforts and
risks of others. It is only people like you, who put it on the line and go for
it, that matter most! You are a winner regardless of the outcome. There
can only be success when you have the guts to put yourself out there and
go for it. Even if it doesn’t work out, you get the satisfaction of knowing
that you tried. There’s no greater sense of satisfaction than knowing that
when the dust settles, you’ve lived your life to the fullest.
ere’s no greater sense of satisfaction than knowing that when the
dust settles, you’ve lived your life to the fullest.
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Chapter Twenty-Three
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Although you do not have control over what happens environmentally
(outside of you), you always have control over how you respond to
particular people, situations, and/or events, even during working
hours. The following exercise uses the process of modeling to
empower you through mimicking those whom you consider highly
evolved in specific areas, for the purpose of bolstering your leadership
skills. Through mentally engaging in this exercise now, you will be
preparing your mind to respond automatically in a positive manner
when faced with future situations that may have stressed you in the
past. The more you condition your brain to automatically respond
positively and resourcefully to life, the more enjoyable life and career
will be. Here we go!
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Step One: Select a leadership skill or behavior worth
having.
Choose a skill, resource, or ability that you would like to possess
more of, or a behavior that you want to act out but have not been able
to do thus far. For example, maybe you want to feel more calm and in
control under stressful situations. Or perhaps you’d like to be even better
at following through and staying motivated.
Next, identify when and where you want to be able to behave in this
manner. Get specific. Saying “all the time” isn’t very effective since no
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behavior is appropriate in every context. For instance, being motivated
to take action is usually good, but sometimes you need to know when
to sit back and take a break. Remaining calm under stress is good,
but sometimes it is absolutely appropriate to get angry or upset. Again
it comes back to having clarity. In what specific situations is it most
important that you exhibit this new behavior?
Now think of someone who can do what you want very well. Perhaps
someone you know personally like a business associate, or perhaps a
favorite actor or a key historical figure. You can even make someone up
if you wish. It doesn’t matter whether you know this person or not, only
that you have some representation of this person behaving in a way that
reflects what you want for yourself.
Step Two: Visualize your role model in action in your life.
Imagine a particular situation in which you would like to respond
with your new leadership skills or behaviors. Yet instead of you being the
main character, imagine watching your role model demonstrating his or
her leadership abilities in your life. Whether you see this visually in your
mind, talk yourself through it, or just get a sense of it is fine.
Zoom in on how resourcefully your role model handles him/herself
in this particular situation. Notice what your role model focuses on and
how this person speaks to him/herself. Also notice how this person
moves. Pay attention to your role model’s gestures, facial expressions,
and posture. Watch how this person breathes, and tune in to the tone,
tempo, and volume of his/her voice, as well as the words and phrases
that are used. Finally, pay attention to the responses this person elicits
from other people.
Now that you have seen your role model in action, do you still feel
this is the best role model for you? If yes, move on to the next step. If
there was something you didn’t like about the role model or the skills that
were demonstrated, choose another role model or modify the skills until
you love what you’re seeing, hearing, and feeling. Once you know that
this is how you would like to handle yourself in those specific situations,
move on to step three.
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Chapter 23 Six Quick and Easy Steps to a New You
Step Three: Visualize yourself stepping into and becoming
your role model.
Imagine that you can step into this movie and become your role model
so that you know what it’s like to think, feel, and behave in this way.
Allow your creative mind to give you the experience of seeing through
your role model’s eyes, hearing through his/her ears, and feeling what
it’s like to feel and act this way.
As you do so, pay attention to what you are now focusing on through
your role model’s eyes. Notice how the end result is always kept in
mind. Hear your role model’s voice in your head saying positive, loving,
encouraging things that make you feel supported and resourceful. Listen
to the empowering questions you are now asking yourself. “What can I
do to be successful in this situation right now?”
Notice how your body feels as you take the appropriate actions.
Perhaps you are standing tall with relaxed shoulders and a smile on
your face. Also, enjoy the feelings that go along with being in control
over your mind, emotions, and actions. After all, this is what leadership
is all about.
Once you have enjoyed the experience of seeing, hearing, and feeling
through the mind and body of your role model, step out of him or her, and
then back yourself out of the movie. Put some distance between you and
the movie, take a refreshing breath, and then proceed to step four.
Step Four: Replace the role model with yourself.
The next step is to imagine yourself in this movie behaving in exactly
the same manner as your role model did. Visualize yourself speaking,
thinking, and acting like your role model. Observe your posture, facial
expression, and breath rate. Listen to the words you are using to support
and encourage yourself. Pay attention to the tempo and tone of voice
as you ask yourself empowering questions. Also notice how your new
response to this situation positively influences the outcome. Experiencing
yourself in this way should remind you of your role model.
Step Five: Associate into the new you.
Once you are satisfied and/or excited about seeing yourself
demonstrating new leadership skills, step into the movie once more. Then
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step into, and fully associate with, the new you and imagine becoming
the person you were born to be!
Begin to see this specific situation in a different way. Looking at
it through empowered eyes and focusing on the outcome you desire
will make the specific content less important and the way you manage
yourself the focal point. Hear yourself speaking with confidence and
grace as you feel what it’s like to behave in this proactive manner. Fully
imagine seeing, hearing, and feeling what it’s like to be more resourceful
in this kind of situation. Take your time with this step and pay attention
to everything you now see, hear, and feel. Be especially aware of the
positive emotional state(s) that begin to emerge within you as you carry
yourself in this way.
Step Six: Prepare yourself for the future.
The final step is to imagine thinking, feeling, and acting in this
resourceful manner in the future. Visualize potential future situations
where behaving in this way would be appropriate, and imagine yourself
rising up to the occasion. See yourself behaving in exactly the way you
would most want to, and notice how good this makes you feel. Listen
to yourself saying just the right things to make you feel confident and
secure. And feel how you hold your body as you take control of the
situation. Take your time and do this now.
You should now imagine a few more future situations in which you’d
like to conduct yourself in this way. The more you condition your mind to
respond to potential situations, the more you will automatically engage
in the desired behaviors. Feel free to make any adjustments to your
skills or behaviors that will improve your performance and leadership
abilities. Doing so will continue to enrich your experience. You may
also seek out other role models that provide you with other empowering
attributes and abilities.
There is a lot to this exercise. There’s a lot I’m asking you to do to
make it work. But making it work is crucial. Don’t worry about what’s in
the next chapter, or how long the exercise takes. Make time for it. You
deserve it! I can wait.
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Chapter Twenty-Four
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To live your best life, you must develop strong self-leadership. This
entails being able to control your emotions, manage frustration in a
mature manner, and do the right thing without having to be repeatedly
told or reminded to do so.
Self-leadership is the process of maximizing your ability
to remain in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions,
while continuously striving for what you believe in and
desire. Let’s break this down into easily understandable parts.
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First, self-leadership is a process. It’s ongoing. It’s not something
that you complete. It takes continual monitoring and re-directing of your
self-talk, mental focus, and emotional states so you feel secure and
confident about yourself, others, and your circumstances.
The goal is to continue being optimistic, loving, and supportive no
matter what. You may not like certain behaviors you’re engaging in, the
negative thoughts you have, or the circumstances you face, but it’s in
these times that you need to be even more supportive and encouraging
of yourself!
Will you remain positive 100 percent of the time? Probably not, but
you should strive to do so anyway! I’ve been studying and applying
positive thinking strategies for more than two decades, and as much
as I’ve programmed myself to be optimistic, it still requires daily effort.
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Yes, it’s much easier than it used to be, and much of it is automatic. But
it still takes conscious effort and I’m okay with that. After all, it’s the most
important activity I can put effort into since what you say to yourself
influences the kind of life you experience.
You can experience heaven and hell right here on Earth.
e one you visit most is in direct proportion to
how you communicate with yourself on a daily basis.
If you make having a positive attitude your number one priority, most
things in life will work out for you, because what you expect to happen
tends to happen. Thus, an important part of self-leadership is encouraging
yourself, even if others around you aren’t very supportive.
It’s easy to do this when things are flowing smoothly. It’s something
else when all hell breaks loose. Being mentally and emotionally there for
yourself when you’re facedown in the mud will give you the courage to
triumph over any obstacle. Self-leadership is what enables every great
man and woman to rise up against the odds and achieve victory. It’s
what will get you to the top and keep you there as well!
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Second, self-leadership is a process of maximizing your
ability to remain in control of how you think, feel, and
behave, while continuously striving for what you believe in
and desire. “In control” suggests being aware of all options and calmly
acting in a constructive manner to bring about the best possible outcome.
In any given moment, you need to look at all possible options and
make your best decision given what you know. As I said earlier, you’ll
get more of what you want by placing attention on what you can do
versus what you cannot. When faced with a challenge, ask yourself:
“What outcome do I want, and what can I do to get it?” Notice what
comes to mind and act on it.
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Chapter 24 You Are The Captain of Your Destiny, Now What
Your tendency will be to react based on old programming and
triggers from the past. People who react to situations often blame others
for their decisions and behaviors. “If she’d quit complaining, I wouldn’t
have to yell all the time!” “If he would quit yelling, I’d stop complaining
about it!”
Dr. Phil once said, “Would you rather be right or would you rather
be happy?” Most would rather be right, and they are rarely happy!
Therefore, instead of concentrating on what has happened or what
another person has said or done, decide how you ultimately want to feel
about it. Then respond accordingly.
True leaders keep the bigger picture in mind and are willing to put
their egos aside. They would rather be happy than be right at the expense
of those around them.
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Leadership is a process of maximizing your ability to
remain in control of how you think, feel and behave, while
continuously striving for what you believe in and desire.
Striving for what you truly desire means that you’ve got the guts to believe
in your dreams while taking action toward attaining them! Some dreams
take time to achieve.
Fear is what you feel when you start focusing on what is rather than
on what will be! Yes, you should be grounded in reality. Just remember
that reality is very subjective. Reality is your interpretation of what’s
happening. You have ultimate power over how you are going to think
and feel in any situation. Remind yourself of this constantly, and even
problems can become opportunities in disguise.
The other day my office flooded. Someone power-washed the side of
the building, and water seeped into my office. When I arrived, a team
of people were already sucking up the water and using huge blowers to
dry the floor. I lost a couple of books, but no major damage occurred.
While driving home I began thinking about the Law of Attraction.
Over the previous couple of months I’d kept thinking about how dirty
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my carpet looked in the main lobby. Then my office flooded without
causing damage. Immediately the manager of my building ordered all
my carpets to be professionally cleaned over the weekend at no cost to
me. What originally showed up as a problem revealed itself to be an
opportunity for me to have my carpets cleaned for free! Thus, don’t be
too quick to judge what shows up in your life. You might just find yourself
saying, “Thank you, God!”
You have ultimate power over how you are going to think
and feel in any situation.
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Chapter Twenty-Five
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Four Questions Every Successful Person Must Answer
There are four questions you need to answer as specifically as
possible in order to move your life to the next level. If you can answer
these questions easily and immediately, you are among the elite few. If, on
the other hand, these questions force you to pause, know that answering
them specifically will be the final key to unlocking your dreams.
Notice I keep using the word specifically. Through years of asking
people what they want in life, I’ve found that most are either unsure or
unclear. People focus on what they don’t want or on what they don’t have
and, of course, where your attention goes, energy flows. For example, I’ll
ask someone, “What do you want?” He will respond, “I don’t want to be
broke.” His unconscious mind hears “I am broke,” and it says, “Okay.”
Others will say, “I want to be rich,” but it’s too vague. The unconscious
doesn’t know what that means, so it doesn’t take any action at all.
If, however, someone were to say, “I want to make $50,000 a month
so I can become debt free, invest in real estate, and have more free time
for my family,” your mind will now know what you want and why you
want it. The next question for your unconscious should be, “What actions
can I now take that will allow me to produce $50,000 per month and
have fun doing so?” The answer you receive may come all at once or in
pieces. It may take you a day to execute or ten years. Asking yourself
the right questions will be the difference between living your dreams and
just dreaming. “The quality of your life is shaped by the quality of your
questions.” Here are the four life-altering questions you need to answer.
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In your notebook . . .
Take your time writing down the following specific
answers now.
What kind of person you want to be and what type of life do you 1.
wish to experience?
Why you want this? (What will it do for you?) 2.
What do you believe is holding you back from having what 3.
you want?
What actions are necessary to achieve your goals? 4.
Because I’m not able to ask you questions and reply to your responses
through this book, instead I’ll lead you through an exercise designed to
help you uncover what you really want and what might still be blocking
you from having it. Sometimes these blocks are unconscious, but this
exercise should bring them to the surface if they exist. Let’s begin.
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Take a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. As your shoulders begin
to loosen, allow your mind to conjure up an imaginary path. Pretend to
walk down this path and notice an object ahead of you blocking your
passage. As you approach this object, you recognize that it’s a wall.
Notice how tall and wide this wall appears to be. Can you see the end
of the wall? Are you able to see over the wall? Or does it block your view
of what’s on the other side?
As you step up to the wall now, notice what color the wall is. If you
are having difficulty picturing a wall, just make one up in your mind’s
eye. Lay your hands upon this wall and get a feel for what the wall is
constructed of. Does it look and feel like brick, plaster, wood, or papier-
mâché? Is it warm or cool, rough or smooth to the touch? Push on the
wall. Does it seem sturdy or wobbly? Are there any doors or windows in
this wall? If so, are they unlocked?
As you imagine this wall, it can reveal to your conscious mind how you
really feel about reaching your dreams. Does the wall seem intimidating,
impenetrable? Perhaps it seems small and easy to get around, yet it’s
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Chapter 25 The Key to Ongoing, Lasting Prosperity
there for a purpose. Maybe the wall feels like it’s protecting you from
what’s on the other side.
Pretend that the path you’re on leads to your dream life. Everything
you’ve ever wanted to achieve, own, or experience lies on the other
side of this wall. As you contemplate this, wonder “What does this wall
represent in my life? Is it trying to protect me in some way? Is there a
positive intention for this wall being here?”
Perhaps this wall represents the fear of not being able to reach what’s
on the other side. Or maybe it’s protecting you from being let down
or hurt by what it might take to achieve your goals. Thus, the positive
intention of this wall would be to keep you safe from potential pain in
the future. Of course, you already know my feelings about protecting
yourself from perceived pain by keeping yourself in pain now, but your
unconscious mind is not concerned with logic. It is, however, concerned
with self-preservation, and it will do whatever it deems necessary to
protect you from pain.
The fact is that this wall is imprisoning you. It’s holding you back from
maturing in the face of adversity. Trying to avoid pain often generates it
because you’ll avoid decisions that need to be made since making those
decisions makes you feel uncomfortable. Therefore it’s time to confront
your fears. Take a step back from the wall and imagine speaking directly
to it. Ask the following: “Why are you here, and how are you trying to
help me?” Take your time and wait for a response from your unconscious
mind. Then read on.
Once you understand what the wall may represent, it’s time to
readjust your focus onto what it is that will make your life worth living.
Since what you want most lies on the other side of this wall, you’ll
need to find a way to get over it. To gain some perspective, imagine
stepping several hundred yards back from this wall. In fact, you might
even imagine standing on a tall hill as you gaze down upon this wall.
Up close your obstacles and challenges in life may seem formidable.
Yet, when you can step back and gain some perspective, the walls no
longer seem so scary.
Size up this wall and consider the best method for getting over it.
Perhaps you can simply walk around the wall or devise a ladder to climb
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over the top. Creative clients have envisioned making doors with tools
they’ve acquired from the journey thus far. Decide which method you will
utilize to get to the other side of your wall. Once on the other side, you
will find that what’s waiting for you is positive, useful, and enjoyable! It’s
worth the risk, and as you’ll see, it’s the risking that makes succeeding
that much sweeter.
Before you carry out your plan for climbing over, imagine that you
have reached the other side of the wall where all your dreams have come
true. What is your life like? Who are you as a person? How do you take
care of yourself? How do you treat others? What material possessions
do you have? Where do you live, and what kind of home do you live in?
How much money do you have in investments or savings? How are your
relationships and friendships? Has your career changed? If so, how?
Do you travel? If so, where? Why there? Do you contribute to a favorite
charity? If so, which one(s)?
Perhaps you finally have the money to put your kids through college
while having plenty of money for yourself as well. How does that make
you feel? Perhaps you finally get the recognition, award, or admiration
that you’ve been craving. Or you meet the person of your dreams
and enjoy a wonderful relationship full of mutual love, respect, open
communication, honesty, and passion. Perhaps most importantly, you’ve
created a stronger relationship with yourself, which has finally given you
the inner strength and confidence you’ve always desired. Take a few
minutes and allow yourself to fantasize about how you would create
your perfect life. Remember, your mind is listening, so take your time and
do this now.
Do you think reaching your dreams will make you a better person?
The answer is YES! It will give you the gift of self-belief and the confidence
to be the best person you can be. So much energy is wasted on worrying
about money or stressing about actually reaching your goals, yet once
you reach a certain level of success—and this level will be different
for everyone—money no longer becomes such a source of pain. Yet,
whether you’re in the pursuit of this success or you’ve reached it and
want more, the time to be loving and supportive of yourself and others
is right now.
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Chapter 25 The Key to Ongoing, Lasting Prosperity
On the dreams-come-true/goals-met side of the wall, you have truly
become your own best friend. Successful people have no other choice
but to be loving, encouraging, and supportive of themselves. Otherwise
they’d never have the strength to rise up and overcome the millions of
obstacles, failures, and challenges they face along their journey. The
question isn’t how many times can you handle getting knocked down.
The real question is how many times are you going to get back up.
Sometimes the only difference between a winner and a loser is that the
winner gets up just one more time. The boxing classic Rocky II is the
perfect analogy for this.
Because you are supportive of yourself on the dreams-come-true/
goals-met side of the wall, you naturally feel supported. This provides
internal motivation and a sense of being in control over your own destiny.
People who feel this way are very good at thinking things through and
taking action. Visualize yourself being good at starting things and also
finishing them, and visualize that your self-leadership skills are exquisite.
You don’t need to be told the right thing to do, you just do it. As a result,
you easily inspire others by being a positive role model. Each day you
strive to be the best you can be. Some days are better than others, but
as long as you’re giving it your best, you can go to bed with a smile on
your face. No regrets. You gave it your all, and that’s always something
to be proud of.
Notice that I’ve been focusing on how you feel about yourself and
others. I’m not placing too much attention onto material items like fancy
homes, cars, and jewelry. I appreciate all of those things, but those are
not sufficiently motivating for most people. What’s actually the key to
staying motivated, or internally inspired to succeed, is identifying what
emotional states you enjoy experiencing most and then pursuing the
things that will trigger those feelings.
e key to staying motivated, or internally inspired to succeed,
is identifying what emotional states you enjoy experiencing most
and then pursuing the things that will trigger those feelings.
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Human beings are emotion junkies. Everything you do is motivated
by an unconscious desire to experience or avoid specific emotions.
People go to work to avoid the pain or despair of lost income. You go
on vacation or travel the world because it offers a sense of adventure,
excitement, and/or variety. Relationships provide unique emotional
states that are difficult to experience individually. Even making money
isn’t for the money itself. It’s for what you think having money will do for
you or, more specifically, for how it will make you feel. Being financially
independent produces feelings of security, freedom, and power.
With this in mind, identify the emotional states you wish to feel most
and then focus on achieving the goals and dreams that will produce
them. For example, if you made $5000 extra per month, you could
afford to pay off all your bills and go on two big family vacations per
year. Paying off your bills would give you a stronger sense of security,
and vacationing would allow your family to connect more while meeting
your personal need for adventure. Staying connected to your family,
feeling financially secure, and being adventurous are a thousand times
more motivating than just setting a goal of making an extra five grand
per month. Take some time to specify why you want to achieve the goals
while you are still on this side of the wall now.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is in how they dramatically
underestimate how powerful they really are. As demonstrated in this
book, you have the power to feel any emotion at any time just by how
you focus your attention and hold your body. This means you don’t have
to wait until you reach your goals to feel the way you want to. You have
the power and ability to feel this way right now.
Some of the happiest and most successful people on the planet have
learned that the way they feel most of the time will heavily influence the type
of situations, people, and opportunities that flow into their lives. Instead of
chasing after wealth, they act as if they are already wealthy. The need to
chase money suggests lack, and the universe mirrors it back. Acting from a
mindset of wealth actually attracts it. Would you rather buy from a needy,
desperate salesperson or from a confident, successful one?
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Once you’ve identified the life that lies on the other side of the wall,
begin to act as if you already have it. Behave as if you’ve already
broken through the wall. In fact, looking at the wall from this side, notice
if it looks the same as the original wall you started on. Then push on the
wall and see if the wall still seems sturdy or formidable. Does it feel as
strong and rooted into the ground, or does it now feel light and flimsy
like you could just push it over? Perhaps it seems transparent from this
vantage point; it’s more of an illusion that was based upon old fears and
limitations of the past that you used to buy into. Maybe the wall doesn’t
even exist anymore from this perspective.
With these insights, ask yourself, “If this wall no longer existed, what
could I accomplish? If there was no fear, what would I do right now to
change my life?” Imagine what your life will now be like knowing that fear
is an illusion, self-limitations are fading, and a clear path is emerging.
Then find yourself on the side of the wall where you began. Yet
now you possess all the wisdom, understanding, and insights through
seeing your life from the other side. You are now stronger and more
courageous and aware than ever before. Take a look at the wall now
with enlightened eyes and notice if the wall has changed any. Does it
seem as scary or impenetrable anymore? Probably not. Does it feel like
it needs to be there anymore? Not really. Say to yourself, “This wall has
served its purpose, and I thank my unconscious for this. Now that I’ve
received the messages and insights, the wall is no longer needed.”
In any manner you wish, take down the wall now. Push it over, blow it
up, watch it fade away, take it down brick by brick, or envision an open
door appearing in the center of it. If you feel the wall needs to remain
somewhat intact, you’re still getting some type of emotional payoff.
Reread the Secondary Gains chapter and work to remove it. Trust that
it will be handled appropriately, and complete your mission of taking
down this wall now. Realize that you don’t need this wall anymore. It’s
keeping you stuck and taunting you with fears that are merely based on
illusion. You’ve been on the other side. You’ve seen the Promised Land.
This is the true test of your character. Can you walk through the fire and
trust you won’t get burned? Can you knock down your walls, confront
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your fears, and know that you will be proud of yourself at the end of it
all? Can you? Will you? Then do so now!
Outstanding! With the wall and all that it represented down, you
may have a pile of rubble in front of you. Stand on top of this rubble with
arms raised in victory! Or perhaps the wall has simply evaporated, and
a clear path now lies ahead, leading directly to what you desire most. In
fact, as you proceed down this path, imagine your future being bright,
warm, and close. Empowering sensations course through your veins as
you realize that your life is about to take a turn for the better. New
opportunities and adventures will begin to appear as you continually feel
more secure, confident, and free. This feeling will grow stronger every
day in every way because you have the courage to take action and call
the shots in your life.
Your self-talk is much more enjoyable and optimistic now as you
embrace each day with enthusiasm and discovery. As a result, you’re
finally feeling the contentment and self-belief you’ve been craving. You
no longer have to wait until you’ve reached all your goals to feel the
way you’ve been wanting to. You can feel this way right now. At this
very moment, you have more freedom than most people ever will. Your
awareness of the options and opportunities you have are now revealed.
For instance, it’s no longer necessary to get on a plane to have an
adventure. You can find it all around you. Drive down a road you haven’t
been on before, strike up a conversation with a new friend, connect with
your partner in a way that rekindles the flames, and find new and exciting
ways to make others feel as validated as you do. As you contribute and
connect in this way, a whole new level of joy and empowerment will be
opened to you.
Knowing this now, I want you to take a full deep breath in and bring
your awareness back to the room you’re in. Feel refreshed and reflective
of this experience. You may wish to go through this exercise again in
the future if new challenges (walls) emerge. Each time should produce
new insights and understandings. If you ever notice resistance in the wall
coming down, use the exercise in the following chapter to find out why.
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I’m incredibly excited to be working with someone of your caliber.
Most never get this far through a book, and you’re close to being finished!
Hopefully you have benefited already from the peak performance
strategies, success formulas, and embedded hypnotic suggestions
that are woven throughout this book. They’re all designed to help you
become the absolute best that you can be. I care so much about your
triumphant success because you are my favorite type of person. You
might be thinking, “You don’t even know me,” but I do. You’re the kind
of person who reads books of this nature. Even if this is the first self-help
book you’ve read, at least you have the wisdom and insight to reach
out for tools and mentors who can empower you. I suppose I appreciate
people like you because I’m this way too.
Although I’ve been providing the mechanics and technical aspects for
maximizing your personal power, the real magic still comes from inside you.
I’ve met a few “gurus” in my time who thought they were the magic ones,
but I know better. One of my mentors likes to say, “Sally saw a leprechaun.
Bobby saw an elf. But the only magic I’ve ever seen I had to create myself!”
Thus, instead of giving you more tools, we’re going to devote this chapter
to tapping into the resources that are already inside you.
Motivation For A Lifetime
There’s a driving force behind all human behavior that’s so instinctive
you cannot override it. You can only learn to manipulate it to your
advantage. It’s called the Pain-Pleasure Principle. This principle
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Get Out of Your Way!
states that all human beings are intrinsically hardwired to avoid pain
and gain pleasure no matter what the cost. It’s the survival code that’s
built into your genetic code, and it’s what keeps you from driving off the
road into a huge tree when you’ve had a really bad day.
People will put themselves through incredible rituals to avoid pain
and gain pleasure. You might be thinking, “What about those people
who run into burning buildings or who run triathlons? Aren’t they facing
pain head-on?” Yes, but their interpretation of the pain is different. When
an individual runs into a burning building, it’s always to save another’s
life. That gives the person a feeling of significance if the victim is a
stranger, which is pleasurable. If the victim is a loved one, the person is
attempting to avoid the pain of a lost loved one. Triathlon athletes train
themselves to ignore the pain for hopes of personal triumph and glory.
Most of us, however, are nothing like triathlon athletes, and we will
do most anything to avoid even the slightest pain. Instead of desperately
trying to avoid pain, focus on the pleasure you can experience now
and in the future. Life will bring painful moments, yet if you can learn
and grow from these times, the suffering will be brief while the pleasure
you derive from life will become stronger. One way to ensure a more
pleasurable life is to imagine yourself in the future enjoying very positive
experiences (or see what’s on the other side of the obstacle or wall in
your path). This will inspire you to take positive action in the present.
Instead of desperately trying to avoid pain,
focus on the pleasure you can experience now and in the future.
Sometimes only through pain can you grow.
Try going sailing without the wind. You need resistance.
Because the Pain/Pleasure Principle is mostly an unconscious
process, using it consciously to your advantage can bring great reward.
You can apply this principle in a way that generates massive leverage
over yourself and your actions. The biggest complaint I hear from people
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Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation
is that they have trouble staying motivated and following through. Using
this principle in the following way will put an end to procrastination
immediately and forevermore!
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Answer the following questions for yourself.
What would you lose out on if you decided not to take action on all
that you’ve learned from this book? If you chose not to follow through,
what kind of pain will this continue to create in your life? What has it
already cost you financially, personally, professionally, in self-esteem,
and in your relationships by not stepping up and making it happen?
How are you going to view yourself one year from now if you’re still
in the same situation, still afraid to make those changes, like getting out
of a lousy relationship or job, still struggling with the same old worries
and self-limiting beliefs that you’re not enough or that it won’t work out?
How long will you continue to put up with the headaches and heartaches
that come from submitting to fears and faulty beliefs? How much pain
are you willing to tolerate because you’re not going after what you really
want in life?
Imagine going five years into the future and discovering that you
haven’t changed a bit. You’re still supporting the same lame excuses and
destructive habits. What has it cost your self-esteem? When you look in
the mirror, how do you look at yourself? Do you look stressed out and
older than you really are? What do you say to yourself when no one
else is around? What has this self-limited thinking done to your health
and overall appearance? Are you overweight, smoking more, or dealing
with high blood pressure? Is your hair falling out? What about your
relationships with others? Are they stagnant and boring? Perhaps you’re
too depressed or tired to engage in stimulating conversation. Instead
you’ve become focused on the pessimistic side of life. Nothing seems to
feel good anymore, and it’s leaked out on your entire life.
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Get Out of Your Way!
What’s it going to cost you in regards to how you talk to your kids,
colleagues, employees, or others in your life? What kind of role model
have you become for your community? By holding back and not taking
action, how has your personal confidence and charisma dropped? If
you’re not feeling good about yourself, what kind of example are you
giving others? Are you finding others avoiding you? Are they repelled by
your kind of energy? Do you know what it’s like to be around somebody
that’s miserable all the time? You can walk into a room with a person
like this and within five minutes it feels like s/he sucked all the energy
right out of you. I refer to this type of person as an “energy vampire.” Is
this the kind of person you’ve become because you were too busy, too
stressed, or too scared to take control of your life?
Now move ten years into your future. It’s been ten years, and you’ve
still done nothing to change your life. You’re still supporting the same old
excuses, habits, and beliefs that hold you back and keep you stuck. What
has this done to you financially? Are you scraping by, living paycheck to
paycheck? No money in the bank, lots of credit card debt, and tons of
worry and fear about your future security?
Okay, take a deep breath in, and find yourself back in the present
moment. None of this tragedy has occurred. It was all just a bad dream,
a nightmare, actually. But you clearly remember what you saw. Notice
how having focused on not taking action, and the pain that goes with
it, can make you want to say, “Absolutely not! I refuse to go down that
path! I refuse to accept this kind of behavior from myself any longer. I’m
going to stand in my power this moment. I’m going to step up now! I’ve
got the tools and resources, and I’m going to do something with them.
I’m not going to live my life in fear anymore. If I live in fear, that’s what
my life will be all about, and I’m better than that. I’m worth more than
this, and I deserve better! My Creator did not put me here to hide. I
am here to shine! I’m going to start living the life I was born to. I have
purpose and a mission. I am supposed to be here, and I am enough. My
true life begins right now!”
Now that you’re learning how to use the avoidance of pain as a
driving force in your life, the next step is to utilize pleasure. Take a few
minutes to answer the following questions.
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Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation
What are you going to gain from taking positive action in your life
right now? What kind of pleasure will you experience from utilizing the
strategies and insights you’ve acquired from this book? How have you
benefited from living your life with courage, from taking the attitude that I
am a winner, there’s no failure only feedback, and the only way to really
lose is to give up?
Now float one year into the future. It’s been a year since you’ve
made the transition. How has your life transformed from believing in
yourself and treating others with love and respect? How much stronger
is your self-esteem and confidence? When you look in the mirror, how
much younger, stronger, energetic, attractive, and confident do you now
look? Perhaps you smile more, you’re exercising, eating plenty of fruits,
vegetables, and whole grain foods, and drinking more water. If used to
smoke, now you’ve quit, and it was easy. You might have benefitted from
hypnosis. You lost weight or gained muscle, depending upon where you
were at in life, and it feels great!
Now go five years into the future. It’s been five years since you
empowered yourself with a new set of beliefs and habits. You’ve taken
back your personal power, and it’s amazing! Personally, spiritually,
emotionally, mentally, physically, in relationships, financially, and
professionally, you have become more balanced and well-adjusted.
When you’re alone now, what do you say to yourself? Notice how your
self-talk is much more positive, loving, enthusiastic, and supportive. When
you’re around others, you’re vibrant and lively, caring and attentive. You
listen to others with the intention of understanding and validating them.
This dramatically increases your natural charisma and appeal, which
makes others want to be around you.
It’s easy for you to validate and appreciate others because you are
doing this for yourself. You realize that you can only give what you
have. Thus, you give yourself an abundance of self-love, respect, and
encouragement, which then allow you to share this with others. This
makes you a wonderful role model for those around you. Notice how
your kids benefit from your new behaviors, energy, and attitude. Clients,
colleagues, and friends want to be around you because of your positive
energy and uplifting spirit.
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Get Out of Your Way!
It’s easy for you to validate and appreciate others
because you are doing this for yourself.
Now go ten years into your future, and discover how incredible your
life has become because you had the courage to succeed! You’ve been
acting on the principles and insights from that book you read ten years
earlier, and it has transformed your life. You believe in yourself and the
power of your dreams. In fact, you’ve fulfilled many of those dreams
already. Your relationships, faith, and personal health are strong and
vibrant. Professionally you have accomplished many of your goals, and
financially you are sound. Allow your mind to wander as you continue to
visualize a future where all your dreams really can come true. . . .
Choose Your Future
Now you know how to utilize pleasure in a motivating way. The way
I see it, you now have two choices before you, two futures, one of which
will come to fruition. The question is, “Which future do you choose?”
The future where you’re living life full of regret, or the future where you
look back and smile because you went for it? Regardless of the outcome,
you will always be happy you went for your dreams instead of always
wondering what could have been.
Everyone has his or her own interpretation of what success means. To
me, you are a success if you go for it and give it your all.
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To remain internally motivated, you must continually associate
pain to self-limiting beliefs and habits while simultaneously attaching
pleasure to positive actions and thinking. Here’s an exercise that will
help you do this.
Imagine for a moment that your future self is walking toward you.
Future-you is a little bit older, healthier, more energized, more successful,
and happier. He or she has overcome the challenges you’re now facing
and knows that you will triumph over them.
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Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation
As your future self comes closer to you, s/he seems clearer, bigger,
brighter, and more colorful. The closer s/he gets, the more excited you
become because s/he represents everything you’ve always wanted. Your
future self looks fabulous; you feel really excited inside. The closer s/he
gets, the more powerful, confident, and secure you feel. Finally your
future self reaches you. S/he stands directly in front of you, smiling as if
wanting to tell you that everything’s going to be just fine, but realizing
that it’s necessary for you to discover this for yourself.
Your future is here right now. It feels so real you could reach out and
grab hold of it. It feels so good. In fact, I want you to imagine that your
future self has a message that s/he wants to give you. It might be something
you need to hear, words of encouragement, or some direction. Take a
moment to receive this message from your future self. Do this now.
Great! This is another way of associating pleasure to want you want.
Didn’t picturing your future self and all that it represents, right in front of
you, clear, big, and bright, make you want to reach out and grab him or
her? Imagining what you want being close, big, and bright makes it feel
real and possible. It immediately makes you feel excited and motivated.
Your future is so enticing that you have to have it! It becomes a must! It’s
so great, you’ve got to go after it!
To remain internally motivated, you must continually associate
pain to self-limiting beliefs and habits while simultaneously attaching
pleasure to positive actions and thinking.
Now imagine your future self standing in front of you once more.
As you do so, pretend that something reaches into the scene, grabs
hold of your future self, and begins to yank him/her further and further
away from you. As your future self becomes more distant, s/he seems
smaller, fuzzier, and harder to see. You cannot hear him/her anymore
either. Notice how this makes you feel? Are you beginning to feel upset
or frustrated? Do you get anxious, mad, or sad at the thought of your
hopes and dreams drifting farther away? Of course, and you want to
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Get Out of Your Way!
know what in the world is responsible for distancing you from everything
you want.
You know what it is? It’s all those excuses, old beliefs, negative
attitudes, and fears. It’s the stinking thinking that’s been holding you
back and keeping you stuck, and you have had it! You’re not putting up
with that garbage anymore! You are taking back control right now. You
are the creator of your destiny. You have the power to create your life
by design!
Take in a deep breath, and commit right here and now to living
life at its fullest, to live your life in a way that satisfies yourself and
contributes to the world. Then reach out to your future self and imagine
attracting him/her back toward you. Send out beams of light from your
fingertips, and focus on drawing your desired future back into your life.
As you do so, imagine future-you jogging back toward you with arms
in the air saying, “You did it!” S/He runs right up to you, gives you a
big high-five, and embraces you. Your future now looks bigger, brighter,
and closer than ever!
Then future-you turns his/her back to you and waits. Take a courageous
breath, and then step forward into the future-you, and become this
person you’ve always wanted to be! As you step into him/her, imagine
now seeing the world through new eyes, hearing the world through new
ears, and feeling the world with more empowering emotions. The future
is here. This is the new you, and when you think of yourself, you imagine
being strong, confident, and happy. When you look in the mirror, see
future-you looking back at you with a great big smile, knowing that every
day you are getting better and better!
This is a great exercise for using pleasure and pain to remain
motivated for a lifetime. Moving your future self toward and away from
you stimulates very different emotional states. The closer, bigger, and
brighter you make your goals seem, the more positive, motivated, and
hopeful you will become. The more distant, fuzzy, and tiny you make
your goals appear, the more exhausted, frustrated, and hopeless you
will feel.
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Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation
From now on, if you need to take action, close your eyes and imagine
that what you want is close, warm, clear, and inviting. Each time you
take a positive step toward your goals, those goals take a step toward
you! Every time you take a step back in the opposite direction, your
goals do the same! After doing this exercise, it should be difficult for
you to procrastinate, because your future self will move away from you,
and your emotions will object so adversely that you’ll have no other
choice but to step forward again. You’ll find yourself saying, “Okay,
fine. I’ll take action!” because you’ve associated so much pain with old,
sabotaging behaviors.
As you continue to review and practice these motivating exercises
in this book, they will strengthen the associations your brain is making
at this very moment. The more you practice, the better you get, and
the more automatic the whole thing becomes. As Tony Robbins says,
“Repetition is the mother of all skills.” So practice, practice, practice, and
you’ll find all the motivation you’ll ever need.
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225
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Many people think they cannot celebrate their lives until they reach
their ultimate goals and dreams. This is a mistake because it’s your
journey that generates the happiness, and not only the destination. The
highs and lows, the struggles and breakthroughs, heartache and joy,
frustration and exhilaration, these are what shape your character. The
journey you’re on right now is molding you into someone who is worthy
of incredible success!
Every action you take, every step in the direction of your goals,
strengthens your emotional maturity. It shapes your character and meets
your fundamental needs for certainty, significance, connection, growth,
and contribution. You can make a million dollars, and it will be exciting,
for a while. After buying lots of stuff and traveling around the world,
you’ll eventually feel something is missing, an unexpected void. The void
comes from no longer enjoying the pursuit of your goals. That’s why
Benjamin Franklin said that each man deserves the right to freedom,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Happiness, what we all really want, is not something you get and
then keep permanently. Happiness is more like a handful of water. You
can cup it in your palm for a while, but if you try to grab hold of it with
your fist, it will slip through your fingers and disappear. Therefore, keep
cupping more handfuls of water. Enjoy your pursuit! Realize the idea of
“When I finally reach my goals, I’ll be really happy” is an illusion. If you’re
on a journey toward something worthwhile, you’ve already reached the
most important goal of life. The items you’re striving for are just road
markers that let you know you’re progressing. So keep your head up,
enjoy life and all that it brings right now, and make today the best that
it can be!
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Get Out of Your Way!
If you’re on a journey toward something worthwhile,
you’ve already reached the most important goal of life.
For more information on all of our powerful Shurr ! Success
programs designed to empower you to achieve success in record time,
feel free to visit www.shurrsuccess.com or call 877-944-4673.
227
SPECIAL OFFER
Now that you’ve enjoyed this book, it’s time for your next step. Go to:
www.EliminateSabotage.com and order the Get Out Of Your Way
Home Study Course". In this program I will personally coach you through the
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sabotage your success.
I have read many books yet going through the exercises with the people who
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personal growth. That’s why I put so much effort and attention onto creating a
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As a Special Bonus, I’ve prepared a FREE report for you entitled, The 9
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If you prefer to call in your order, please call 1-877-944-4673.
“If you’d like to order larger quantities of this book for friends, clients,
fundraisers, employees, etc, please call the toll free number for a quote.
Discounts apply for bulk orders. You may also use this number to book Tim
Shurr as a featured speaker for your next event or training program.”
228

Sure Success Publishing 1000 E 80th Place, Ste 210 Merrillville, IN 46410 1-877-944-4673 Copyright ! 2009 by Tim Shurr, MA All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Cover design by Kathy Onorato Tully Author Photograph by Foto Impressions Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Shurr, Tim, date. Get out of your way. ISBN 978-0-578-04544-3

Disclaimer: This book is intended for self-help, personal development, and educational purposes. The publisher and author are not responsible for what you do with this information. As always, if you need professional mental health services, please contact your local providers.

./.0123045
This book is dedicated to you, the reader. It gives you solid, practical answers to questions few people have been able to answer for you. After reading this book, you will be stronger both mentally and emotionally, and from this, my hope is that you become the best you can be. If enough people can mature and act from a place of security and love perhaps we can defeat the dis-ease of insecurity, fear, and greed. Let’s make this world a better place for ourselves, our children, and theirs. As always, there are some special souls I would like to thank. First and foremost, I must thank my phenomenal wife, Stacey, for all her incredible patience, guidance, understanding, boldness, and strength as I personally figured out the lessons in this book. To this day, she is still the most wonderful person I have ever met. I want to thank my two sons Max and Aiden, who have given me more love and laughter than any man deserves. I love you both dearly. I also want to thank Scott McFall. He is my coach and friend. Scott is one of those rare individuals that enters your life and transforms it. His insights into human behavior are profound and his convictions towards helping people grow, mature, and succeed are superb. It is directly because of Scott that I have been able to become a better husband, father, and leader. Who knows how much more time I would have wasted if Scott had not come into my life. In this book I will talk about the importance of having a coach. As I wrote that chapter, I thought of mine. I must also thank Anthony Robbins. He is, by far, the most motivating man I have ever met. I’ve studied Tony’s material for the last 15 years and he is superb! Tony’s inspiration was there when I was starving in a broken down 400 square foot apartment and it will continue to be with me for all the days I am alive.

. and dedication they were able to keep my messages focused. for the headshot for this cover. Constant positive action is the key to reaching your goals and this book shows you how to program yourself to do so without relying heavily on willpower. students. *6+#$7"%89"$2)"$:+. I continued doing all the interactive exercises. Tammy Bailey and Harry Karabel for all their hard work and efforts. Well done! Thank you. and the rhythm of the book perfect for the reader. Karabel. Through their skill. . Yet. Put it on your must-read list! Dr. As I worked through the manuscript edit.I’d like to thank my editors. Gordana Traycoff. a book that teaches you how to consistently follow through on your goals. Harry J. I started to do the things he asks the reader to do. Read this book. Words That Work. workable solutions. author of Attract Money Now and popular star of the hit movie The Secret A funny thing happened on my way to helping Tim Shurr edit this manuscript in its earlier stages: I began to listen to what he was saying. Kathy helped me pull it off. The techniques are easy and powerful and the lessons are profound. President. And I identified the self-limiting beliefs that were preventing me from having the kind of life I always wanted. Trying to come up with an attractive cover that symbolizes breaking free from self-sabotage was no easy task. Inc. I’d also like to thank Kathy Tully for her beautiful cover design. You really know your stuff! Finally. Joe Vitale. hard work. and discovered that Tim delivered on his promise to not only identify problems but also provide the means to develop your own. My wife thinks I look handsome. I’d like to thank all of my clients. personal.<=> Finally. and be transformed. What started out as a job became a transformational experience. family and friends who have taught me the principles of this book and shared their stories of pain and success so that we all might benefit from them.

buy this book.Get Out Of Your Way is one of the best books I have ever read on how to get yourself to succeed in life. President. This book is great! It reveals step-by-step how to eliminate procrastination from your life and offers excellent strategies for motivating others as well. and Get Out Of Your Way by Tim Shurr. It’s bound to be a classic. My only warning is that this book will take away all of your excuses. Life Success Group LLC Thanks Tim for the real experience you bring to the table. LLC . If you’ve ever wondered how to get other people to raise their standards. Human Performance Expert. Vision Media Strategies. Gurley-Leep Automotive Group To be successful in life you really need to read the following three books. The Bible. President. Think and Grow Rich. Robert Saviola. Leep President. It is a blue print of exactly what to do to get past what is holding you back! Justin Savich. It will give quick and easy mastery of self to all who read it. Savi Hypnosis Group. It will show you how! Al Turnbeaugh. it should be this one! Scott McFall. President. it provides the cure! Every businessperson who’s ever felt stuck or held back will benefit greatly from the strategies and principles in this book! Michael R. If people study one book this year. Tim comes out with Get Out Of Your Way. I’ve read many books on personal development and just when I thought I had heard it all. Author of Mission Possible This book not only describes the problems that keep people from achieving their goals. It makes this book vital and significant for all professionals. Get Out Of Your Way offers the gift of follow through and a practical explanation of how achievement really works.

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. 93 Chapter Twelve Yes.............................. 87 Chapter Eleven How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks ......... 13 Chapter Two Design Your New Belief System .................. 133 Chapter Seventeen Success Conditioning: Step One ..... 113 Chapter Fifteen Your Most Powerful Ally ............... 141 ....1%<#"<#? Introduction .... 41 Chapter Six Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? ....... 99 Chapter Thirteen You’re Ready.... 129 Chapter Sixteen Are the Roadblocks in Your Life There for a Reason .......................... 81 Chapter Ten Why Being Perfect Is Boring and Being Yourself Is Vital...................... 9 Chapter One Had Enough B...................... Now Fire! .. 23 Chapter Three Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness ... You’ve Aimed................................................................S? ........................................ 37 Chapter Five Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise .. 63 Chapter Nine Stop the Madness and Take Control! .................................................... It’s Possible for You to Win the Game....................... 105 Chapter Fourteen Attitude Is Everything .............................. 27 Chapter Four Perception: How Believing Will Allow You to See ... 57 Chapter Eight Making Fear Your Friend .... 47 Chapter Seven How To Silence Your Inner Critic ....................

.............. Lasting Prosperity ........... 169 Chapter Twenty-One The Ultimate Success Secret ........ 225 ................ Now What....................................... 185 Chapter Twenty-Three Six Quick and Easy Steps to a New You ................... 215 Epilogue ... 199 Chapter Twenty-Four You Are The Captain of Your Destiny..... 203 Chapter Twenty-Five The Key to Ongoing.......................... 151 Chapter Nineteen Staying Focused Under Pressure . 163 Chapter Twenty Unstoppable Confidence ....................... 177 ! Chapter Twenty-Two How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved .............................................................................. 207 Chapter Twenty-Six Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation ....................................Chapter Eighteen Success Conditioning: Step Two ...............

The information and mental reconditioning exercises in the pages ahead will enable you to make breakthroughs in ways you’ve never experienced before. You’ll begin to recognize the beliefs. and goal attainment are available. lose weight. Whether you wish to increase wealth. You 9 . feel. Once you understand how to utilize your mind and emotions to your advantage. If you don’t follow through and apply the knowledge you acquire. and overcome them. you agonize and wonder why. motivation. This book will do much more than fill your head with fancy quotes and positive thinking. just about any goal can be achieved. emotions.0<#)%@(A#. and logic has nothing to do with most behavior. Every time you place another cookie or cigarette into your mouth. nothing in your life will change. or improve relationships. Although many good books on personal development. What’s holding you back? The answer is simple. You are going to be mentally and emotionally conditioned to think. and behave in a more empowered way. You! Willpower lasts for about two minutes before fizzling away. the key ingredient that’s always missing is how to follow through. Every time you fail to reach a goal. The answers and solutions are in this book. regardless of how good they looked and felt! This book will unlock the secrets to overcoming blocks and following through.%< want something but you’re having a hard time attaining it. overcome bad habits. Many engage in dramatic weight loss surgery and then regain the weight. yet you do it anyway. all can be accomplished through developing mental and emotional mastery. you realize it’s a bad idea. self-confidence. and habits that are sabotaging your progress. Why? Because they never dealt with the issues that caused the obesity to begin with. build confidence. so they were not equipped to keep their results. Your previously unattainable goals are now within reach.

expect the worst. reinforced positive habits do. To 10 . I decided to accompany Wendy onto the elevator while gently reminding her of what to do once inside. In plain English. and experience the least. The good news is she used the tools I taught her and was able to remain calm while traveling to the top floor and back. Wendy threw her arms up into the air in a sign of victory. The goal is for you to experience an internal shift in the way you process the world within and around you. this is the sign of an amateur thinker. Yet. and you are not in that group. It was challenging. “I want to go in there. we are going to reprogram you to get out of your way so you can enjoy and thrive in the life you wish to live. Wendy began to look at herself and her capabilities in a more empowered way. What the worlds’ happiest and most abundant people understand is that learning new information and becoming a more competent and successful person requires the same amount of time and energy you’re already expending. During the weekend. I recently completed a weekend long Life Mastery training which a fifty-three-year-old woman named Wendy attended. In fact. and energy while getting more of what you want from life.” she said. They settle for less.Get Out of Your Way! Willpower does not last. Because we live in an instant gratification world. I knew this was one of the big goals she set for herself and the moment of truth had arrived. People who operate at a lower level of consciousness do not read books of this nature. effort. and smile as the doors closed? Not exactly. you’ll actually spend less time. The first self-sabotage you may encounter is the fear that this emotional transformation or mental reconditioning is going to take a long time and require a huge amount of effort. Developed. push the elevator button. the idea of personal growth and positive change is often dismissed as bogus. She had suffered from claustrophobia since the age of eight. At the conclusion of the seminar. Did she walk in. struggle. as you assimilate the information in this book. I’ll never forget when we reached the first floor and the elevator doors slid open. or pain. and Wendy really had to come to terms with her fear. she pulled me aside and pointed toward an elevator.

In order to maximize our time together. You will begin transforming. please do so. but immediately. The biggest key to being successful lies in your ability to deal effectively with uncomfortable feelings.Introduction make the success even sweeter. Do as I instruct immediately and to the very best of your ability! Some of the transformation exercises in this book may make you feel silly or uncomfortable. There are numerous examples in this book of how people have overcome lifelong mental blocks and triumphed over obstacles that they once thought insurmountable. Have fun. 3. This is done on purpose! Learn to be okay with that. and you will get mediocre results. Once she was able to overcome her claustrophobia. Follow through and trust that each “test” you pass is setting you up to succeed in the future. easy rules: 1. Keep a notebook and pen handy to help you with the exercises. Keep an open mind and trust that I know what’s best for you even if you think I’m lost my mind at times. in the first few pages. her success sparked a wave of transformations that continue to positively enhance her life today. family and friends awaited Wendy with cheers and applause as she exited the elevator! Everyone was hugging each other and jumping around with joy! Wendy had accomplished her goal of successfully riding an elevator! She had overcome a forty-five-year fear. Read one chapter at a time and let the new information sink in. you must follow three simple. if you want to reach your goals as fast as possible. and by that I mean. 2. I’m going to give you the same tools and conditioning exercises those people used to better their lives so you can better yours. and that was just the beginning. You can’t play it safe and grow at the same time. Follow my instructions half-heartedly. not by the end of the book. and your results will be stellar! 11 . If you would like to repeat a chapter before continuing on.

and let’s get started! Here’s to making your life a Shurr ! Success. and developing successful habits that continue to attract joy and prosperity into your life. So let’s begin! Sit up straight with great energy. freedom. Put your shoulders back. following through on actions that lead to getting what you want. —Tim Shurr. Do it!) Get your mind ready to learn. (Go on. and take in a few deep breaths. and security of feeling empowered.Get Out of Your Way! If you’re ready for a brand new approach with powerful tools that will get you believing in yourself. MA 12 . keep reading! It’s time for you to experience the pleasure. lift your chin up.

all the positive thinking in the world won’t do you any good. Your beliefs. whether optimistic or pessimistic. Even though it may hurt your feelings. determine the kind of life you will experience. the first mental shift you must make is to decide you will succeed in reaching your goal. you probably wouldn’t believe him. if your father ever said out of anger that you would never amount to anything. That’s why it’s so important to address the beliefs you currently have. over time you will begin to. So what is a belief? Is it an opinion or a fact? If you think about it. To achieve it.S. It is in that decisive moment that you actually become more of a success! Selfbelief is the only element that separates those who win from those who don’t. For example. If you don’t change the beliefs that hold you back. By the time you are eighteen years old.000 hours of negativity pumped into your brain during the most influential time of your development. it is an opinion. you’d soon begin to wonder if this were true.000 negative remarks directed toward you. Y 13 . Researchers suggest that 80 percent of this negative programming occurs by the time you are eight years old. an opinion that you perceive with certainty is true. which translates into approximately 25. However. you’d recognize that he was just mad. you’ve heard approximately 180. The ones who believe they will succeed do. If you hear an opinion often enough. (Belief System) ou have a dream or goal. if he made this comment regularly. even if you don’t believe it at first. whether positive or negative.Chapter One B+@$/<%(=6$CD:E B.

which creates what is known as a crime of existence. Many of my clients have said. many people struggle with. you are able to get a whole new perspective on the situation. it does help you realize it was never about the child (you) to begin with. I’ve used hypnotism to help hundreds of people uncover self-limiting beliefs that were based on comments made to them during childhood.” Instead you suddenly feel as though your being born is somehow a burden on the family. “You’re the reason for all my money problems to begin with!” you didn’t have the mental maturity to think. “Actually. I’m sure he’s just having a bad day and he’s blowing off steam. which you probably weren’t. Often clients would be shocked to realize that many of their problems resulted from remarks made by an authority figure (parent. especially if you are now a parent who’s had a bad day and your kid is screaming at the top of his lungs. Yet. If your dad was having a horrible day and said. teacher) while growing up. As a child you didn’t have the mental capacity to understand all the circumstances revolving around what another may have said to you. If a comment is made under a heightened emotional state. which. immature. and people who have that belief live up to the expectation. you are the one who continues to support them as an adult! After time. I know he loves me and will probably feel bad about his behavior toward me later.Get Out of Your Way! Most people have had so much negativity droned into their brain that they continue to run on it throughout their lives. I’m going to go play now. however. Having this realization and forgiving others for being human can often be enough to set you free from the mental prison you placed yourself 14 . Sometimes people just say things they don’t really mean. As an adult. and unacceptable. Making a comment like this to a child is still stupid. a belief such as “I’ll never amount to anything” becomes established at an unconscious level. “It’s like I have this CD playing over and over in my head telling me how worthless and pathetic I am. it can often take only hearing something once for it to stick. my father is responsible for his own issues with money.” Even if you weren’t the one who put all those negative thoughts into your brain as a child. sadly.

” This unconscious belief had tainted Ray’s relationship with his father throughout his life. My only advice is that you don’t make the same mistake with your son that I did with mine. Ray had always felt disconnected with his father. Ray said he cut back on his traveling so the three of them (Ray. “We had some rough times growing up.Chapter 1 Had Enough B. his son. but I do it so that my family can enjoy the finer things in life. Ray admittedly withdrew. “I’m a dad now.” With tears in his eyes. Ray uncovered a belief deep inside that “My father isn’t around because he doesn’t like me. instead of as a child. “I sat down with my dad and told him how I was worried about leaving my son so much because of my job. “My dad was just never around. I hate leaving my son. Suddenly Ray began to see the situation differently. He even went to see his dad to have a heart-to-heart.” I spoke with Ray a few weeks later and he stated that his father and he were making up for lost time. When asked about it. My father got the saddest look on his face and told me that he hated leaving me when I was a boy. In fact. the thing I regret most is not having spent more quality time with you. “It just doesn’t seem genuine. because I thought he was picking his job over me and he didn’t even like his job. He was always working. you would realize how much I loved you. and his father) could go on 15 . you can give yourself a new trial and clear your name. Ray began to look at his relationship with his father differently. Ray revealed how his father had said.” Ray’s voice began to soften.” Once you realize you were falsely accused. I had Ray view the situation with his father as an adult. He didn’t seem to like his work. I thought that by making enough money to buy you lots of gifts.” Under hypnosis. he said. I’ve always felt like it did the opposite though.” Ray would say. “Son. My son doesn’t always understand that though. and my father put in a lot of hours so we could have a good life.” After that session. and sometimes my job requires that I travel. and I wonder what he thinks when I leave.S? in because of the “crime. Ray said. Even when Ray’s father attempted to get closer to him. which kind of made me feel worse.

Unless you can fundamentally feel worthy and loving toward yourself and others. Some people are so determined to remain stuck that no amount of coaching will help. this is only because you have bought into and reinforced these ideas at an unconscious level. Many of my weight loss clients don’t really believe that they are actually going to lose weight when I meet them. But the effects of this leak out into every area of your life. These people actually defend the behaviors that make them miserable. and you may even have a few examples that support your case. calls it as the habit of failure. 9/11. At one time. For that reason. But alas. Psychologists call it learned helplessness. Perhaps the same is true of your self-limiting beliefs. history is full of cases where people believed in something that was false. Many people buy into information that ends up being false. things will continue to go awry. They cling to their self-limiting ideas because 16 . These harmful beliefs create strong feelings of sadness. The main reason people don’t think more positively is because of the negative core beliefs they have about themselves. many of the exercises in this book are directed toward updating your beliefs so that they are positive. If Ray hadn’t uncovered and updated that self-limiting belief about his father. They may seem true. and anger that are often repressed at an unconscious level. and it has cost them dearly. which is one reason why people now say “God bless you.) The Salem witch trials. the Holocaust. spiritual leaders thought that when a mentally ill person sneezed demons were escaping.Get Out of Your Way! some fishing trips together. Your beliefs carry that much power. These deep-seated beliefs are often rooted in self-rejection and unworthiness. Enron. and self-supportive. Scott McFall.” (You don’t want to know what else they did to exercise the remaining demons. My coach. loving. guilt. They’ve failed so many times at dieting that they are now programmed to fail. and many have suffered horribly for it. and you will remain unable to achieve your dreams and goals. I shudder to think of all the memories and fun they would have missed out on.

the table will collapse. Thus.” —Roberta Andersen Therefore. Think of a belief as a round table with many supporting legs underneath. Every time you knock a leg out from beneath the table. at least it’s familiar. Kids don’t have any power over what happens to them. the quicker those false beliefs will dissolve. the more doubt you create about the validity of the beliefs that keep you from achieving your goals. Eventually. They know what to expect and. Allowing outdated ideas from childhood or immature remarks from others to dictate your life is no longer an option. you must weaken your certainty by instilling doubt. with enough supporting legs removed. it’s time to review some of the beliefs you currently have about yourself and others. it’s better than not knowing. Even if you were pumped full of self-limiting opinions from those around you as a child.S? that’s what they know. but we do have a lot of control over how this hand is played. it’s time to delete them. but adults do. Enter the Unexpected Hero: Doubt To eliminate an unwanted belief. 17 . Even though they are experiencing pain. they are about to be terminated. “We have no say over the hand dealt us in life.Chapter 1 Had Enough B. a belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true. This is rarely the case. To review. for them. If any of your beliefs are not empowering and moving you forward in life. and protecting yourself from potential pain by creating real pain is just foolish! A belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true. If these childish ideas are holding you back in any way. it becomes unstable. the responsibility to yank out those weeds is yours. because they fear the pain could become worse.

Get Out of Your Way! If you remove enough supporting factors from under a self-limiting belief. your situation. I’m not worthy. These five may be opinions you have about yourself. or despair.%<$/G")A.&. 3)+<?&%)F+#. ______________________________________________ The following are common self-limiting beliefs: “I’m not good enough.F.$'%()$:"9&IJ. I don’t know how. !"#$%#$&#%'&"()%*+#.<=$C"9. 18 . I’ll fail. . The goal isn’t to finish quickly but rather to clarify your thinking. Do this now. ______________________________________________ 2."&? The following written exercise is designed to help you to uncover selflimiting beliefs so that you can replace them with empowering ones. Putting your thoughts to paper now will later allow you to look back on how you were thinking in your past. ______________________________________________ 5. . Here’s the first. Your notebook page might look something like this: My Self-Limiting Beliefs 1. or others. eventually that false belief will fall. I’m not worthy. Read the instructions below and then take your time answering. I can’t do it. It will never work. I’ll get rejected. that you know are keeping you stuck in anger. fear. ______________________________________________ 3.#+(/%! In your notebook .'%-+#%'#&.S. ______________________________________________ 4. which will reveal why your present is the way it is.” Did you write down any of that B. Identify then write down five self-limiting beliefs that are currently holding you back from enjoying the life you desire.?"H 0@"<#. (belief system)? In the page ahead are exercises to correct your self-limiting beliefs.#.

let’s go through your answers to question number one. ."/*%.Chapter 1 Had Enough B. Now those old belief “tables” are wobbling. This next exercise will give you the tools to further weaken and collapse them. 2. . Write down your first self-limiting belief. answer each of these questions: 1. Take the time to do this now.4*. !"#$%&'"(#)*'$+.0 !"#$%&'"(+1'2"+3.&%+5*)6+7*-+8'5. If you answered NO. how would your life be different or better? 4. ."+92. proceed to the next question. Your beliefs are everything! Use this opportunity to make your beliefs beautiful! Good. the original belief? 6. What would you rather believe instead? (What is the opposite of this old belief?) 5. Do this right now! “I’m not good enough according to whom?” Good. “is this self-limiting belief a fact or an opinion?” If you answered YES. 19 . Now. In your notebook . Has there ever been a time when this thought wasn’t true? If so. How will your life be better now by supporting this new belief? Run all five of your self-limiting beliefs through your Six Power Questions.-. could this thought really be factual? 3. or more true than. Is this new belief as true as. Now that you have answered these six questions for each of your self-limiting beliefs. beneath that self-limiting belief. Is this thought (opinion) absolutely true? Ask yourself. . Add the words “according to whom?” behind each of your self-limiting beliefs. then you can discard this falseidea you used to believe about yourself.S? In your notebook .%)*'$% Use these six power questions to knock out the remaining supporting legs of your self-limiting beliefs. If this thought were false.

it made him want to give up. right? Many beliefs that people embrace with complete certainty turn out to be totally bogus. A belief is an opinion you perceive with certainty is true. These Six Power Questions are very effective tools for challenging unwanted beliefs and instilling doubt in them. That’s why you need to get rid of these silly little opinions that are holding you back. Those in the days of Christopher Columbus believed that the world was flat and you could sail right off the edge. Whether your self-limiting beliefs are opinions or facts. who dropped seventynine cigarettes on his first try. One hundred years ago. One of my smoking clients dropped from eighty cigarettes a day down to one in our first session. and the belief becomes just an opinion. doesn’t it seem silly to keep supporting them? Following is another way to weaken those self-limiting beliefs. Would you consider this person. they need to be eliminated. If millions of people—the-world-is-flat crowd. Is this thought (opinion) absolutely true? For each of your answers to this question. which is crazy. What one person considers a failure. “If man were meant to fly. someone else may consider a success. When you introduce doubt. Let’s look at beliefs another way. and peace of mind! You’ll find answers to the remaining five questions as you continue through this book. The most scholarly people of centuries past were convinced the sun and all the planets revolved around the Earth. God would have given them wings.” Nowadays even the Pope gets on a jet when he travels.Get Out of Your Way! 1. is it possible that you have supported some self-limiting beliefs that are equally false? If so. the church considered it sacrilegious to believe that people could fly. you asked yourself. He came in the next day feeling like a complete failure because he smoked that one cigarette. for example— believed in something that was pure fiction. 20 . wealth. you lose the certainty. if you think about it. because they are hazardous to your health. “is this self-limiting belief a fact or an opinion?” Each is an opinion. a failure? I sure wouldn’t! Do you think this person felt more motivated to reach his ultimate goal (of becoming a nonsmoker) at the same time he’s telling himself he failed? No.

You may be giggling a bit from this exercise. “I can’t do it. it isn’t so scary. from now on!” By now you should realize this is true. .S? “A Duck. you feel like a failure. “What a bunch of BS!” ! For example. and every day. What a bunch of BS!” Do this for each belief now! Go on.Chapter 1 Had Enough B. . after each belief loudly declare. “I feel like a failure!” it’s like pulling a childhood monster out of the closet. What a bunch of BS!” “I’m not worthy. I’d like you to look at your list of five self-limiting beliefs and read each one out loud.” When helping people to challenge old beliefs. Therefore. Just having the guts to stand up to your deepest. It’s kind of silly. However. I am getting better and better. Do it now! Great! Now repeat the following out loud: “All those things are BS. and a Moose Walked into a Bar . and the fastest way of doing that is through humor. “Great. darkest thoughts is empowering! When someone finally admits out loud. Now what are you going to do about it?” 21 . But laughter counteracts feelings of fear and self-doubt. a Snail. I’ve found that you must first get yourself into a resourceful state. Once it’s out. in every way. and I’m not putting up with it anymore! I’m better than that.

Get Out of Your Way! 22 .

"&$:. 3)+<?&%)F+#.%<$/G")A. What do you want your life to look like. what would a day in your new life be like? T 23 . What do you want to believe about yourself? What would you have to believe about yourself in order to create the life of your dreams? Now is the time to turn off your analytical brain and turn on the dreamer inside you. Take the time to answer these questions in detail for yourself. instead of dwelling on who you think you are. and feel like? Forget about what is possible or practical.Chapter Two . If you had a magic wand and you could have whatever you wanted."?.?"H L. For this to work well.?#"F he following exercise will help you to further define who you want to be. what would it be? What would you wish for? 3. If things would work out for you from now on.M"$5"K$C"9. 2. How do you want to feel about yourself? What could you accomplish if there was no fear or if you absolutely could not fail? 4. you’re going to have to temporarily suspend any fearful or pessimistic thinking long enough to answer the following questions.=<$'%()$5"K$$$$$$$$$$$ C"9. sound like. You may find it helpful to write your answers down."&? 1. and you could have whatever you wanted.

As you sit quietly with your thoughts for a moment. what immediate changes would you begin to make in your life? What is the first step you would take? In your notebook . Take your time and play out this exercise in your imagination with as much detail as possible. empowering beliefs.%<$/G")A.” 24 . Take a few minutes to write down your new. .Get Out of Your Way! 5. where self-limiting beliefs that hold you back are stored. This chalkboard is special because it’s connected to your unconscious. Your notebook page might look something like this: “I “I “I “I “I AM AM AM AM AM ________________________________________________!” ________________________________________________!” ________________________________________________!” ________________________________________________!” ________________________________________________!” 3)+<?&%)F+#. In your notebook. and we’ll cement these ideas as the book progresses. Determine Five New Beliefs that you would have to believe about yourself to be able to attain and experience all the things you just imagined.<&%)A"$'%()$5"K$C"9. “I_______________________________. The following exercise will reinforce and strengthen your new beliefs at an unconscious level."&? Now that you are becoming clearer and more specific as to the direction in which you’d like to take your life. It’s not necessary that you believe these ideas yet. the next step is to unconsciously reinforce the new beliefs that will take you there. imagine that a self-limiting belief that’s been holding you back begins to surface from your unconscious. . Just write them down for now. If you were to truly believe in yourself and your own worthiness right now.?"H N". Imagine a chalkboard in your mind. Allow it to appear on the chalkboard of your mind now. write down the thought that came to mind or appeared on your chalkboard.

and then floats away on a breeze. Do this now. You do realize that you have the power now. You haven’t been practicing believing in this belief as long 25 . this one is made of stone. Do this now. Use whatever makes you feel more comfortable. go back to that self-limiting belief you wrote down a moment ago and scratch it out with your pen. However. As you eliminate it from the board. take a deep breath in and feel that sense of relief deep down inside. Step up to that chalkboard with a flamethrower and torch that baby! Melt those BS words right off the board! Watch those old fears fade out into a puff of smoke. turns into a piece of ash. and your abundant future is waiting! Next imagine a new chalkboard in your mind. Have you ever thrown a piece of paper into a bonfire? It lights up quickly. because they know if you realize that you’re the one with the true power. I want you to imagine using a laser beam to etch in the new empowering belief that you are now going to support instead. get creative and resourceful.Chapter 2 Design Your New Belief System Now ask yourself: “Is this idea helping or hurting me? Is it helping me to grow or keeping me stuck? Do I still want to continue supporting such an idea?” If the answer is no. No longer do you have to carry around that old baggage. It’s behind you now. Excellent! Now that the old belief and all the emotion and negative energy tied to it have been neutralized and let go of. They want to keep you afraid. Great! Before we move on. If you don’t like the laser beam idea. folds in on itself. Actually acting it out empowers you at a whole new level. The point is to make this new belief feel strong and permanent from the start. imagine bolts of lightning coming down from the sky (or from God). Then write “BS” on top of it. they’re done for! But the game is up. Imagine the same thing happening to that old self-limiting belief. Going through this exercise mentally is one thing. Sometimes these words will try to scare you into continuing to support them. it also gets eliminated from your belief system! If the words resist. Grab the largest eraser you can find and begin wiping that belief from the chalkboard. then imagine marching up to that chalkboard with great confidence.

Get Out of Your Way! as you have the old one. It will begin creating your new reality based on the new beliefs you’ve designed. 26 . This is how you begin to create your life by design. begin etching into stone the other five empowering beliefs that you wrote down earlier. “I___________________________________!” Once you’ve etched this new belief into the stone. Now that you are supplying your mind with new information. so you need to be just as dramatic in making this one stick. Cement these empowering beliefs into your mind and body. Your powerful brain knows exactly how to create reality based on the information you give it. it will do what it’s designed to do. “What would you now like to believe about yourself instead?” In your notebook. As you do so. imagine your mind absorbing these new beliefs and immediately acting upon them. Now let’s empower you. write down your new empowering belief.

$ #%$P"<#+9$3%(=6<"?? n this chapter. How the Mind Functions First. These parts have been labeled the conscious and unconscious minds. Imagine there are two parts of your mind with separate roles and functions that work together to create your reality. fully-aware conscious mind says. we’ll replace those outdated ideas with beliefs that empower you to actually attain your goals. Second. We’ll proceed in three steps. Third. the crash course in mind operation. we’ll eliminate any lingering self-limiting beliefs still holding you back. I don’t agree with him on that. That doesn’t. Then it suggests to you how that information should be interpreted based on past experiences and the beliefs you have developed. “This makes sense. The conscious is the logical.Chapter Three /F8%K")F"<#H$36"$O". This is because they are almost always at the root of goal-attainment problems. I’m going to help you to create new mental associations so that empowering beliefs are strengthened and self-limiting beliefs are continually weakened and destroyed. your analytical. right and wrong. I agree with Tim here. First you’ll get a crash course in how the mind functions.” It decides what’s good and bad. The conscious mind is the part of you that takes information in from your five senses. 27 I . decision-making part of the brain that you are using right now as you read these sentences. As your eyes scan over these words. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I focus a lot on helping you to uncover and eliminate limiting beliefs.

e conscious mind controls willpower. feelings. and actions you experience are also on autopilot. If you are in a relationship. Imagine consciously having to keep track of everything your body does to stay alive. Most of the thoughts.Get Out of Your Way! Your conscious mind is also in control of willpower. some will get angry. those same exact people will cry. they respond to how the current event triggers their feelings and memories from the past (unconsciously). or reach out to help. and then your habits take over. You and your spouse sound like broken records. Habits are the domain of the unconscious mind. some people will cry. and some will reach out to help. which means it keeps your heart beating. willpower lasts about two to three minutes. and your blood circulating. We give it the name unconscious because most of its functioning happens out of your awareness. Instead. 28 . or conditioned responses that have been created over time. your lungs breathing. You may think you’re actively (consciously) responding to what’s happening in your environment. Habits. playing the same old tune and making the same redundant comments that ticked each other off just like the first time you had the argument. most people handle situations in the same way they always have. are the domain of the unconscious. If you notice. You wouldn’t last five minutes! Your autonomic bodily functions are not the only things your unconscious runs automatically. When tragedy occurs. For most. The unconscious mind is the part of you that regulates autonomic bodily functions. get angry. That’s because couples don’t usually respond to what’s happening in the moment (consciously). you’ve probably had the same argument about a given topic a hundred times. When a controversy arises. yet most of the time you’re actually just responding to old beliefs and habits from the past (unconsciously).

Its sole purpose is to cocreate your reality with the help of God. Whatever it hears you say the most. or whatever else you believe in. How does your genie know what kind of reality to manifest? It listens to what you regularly say to yourself. This powerful genie is constantly eavesdropping on the conversations you have with yourself. Self-fulfilling prophecies occur when you tell yourself something is going to happen and then you unconsciously take action toward its fruition. Your unconscious just keeps running the same old patterns unless new information is introduced.” images. The good news: you can strongly influence your unconscious mind to respond automatically in positive. Your powerful. Your Mental Genie Think of your unconscious as a genie that lives in the back of your mind. and it pays attention to what you focus on most. and you say to 29 . Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? It’s just a granted wish. will eventually show up in your life. it assumes that’s what you want. it watches the “movies.Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness Fact: Eighty percent of your current actions and responses to life are based on programming from the past. poof! Your wish is granted. When you focus on something long enough. People unwittingly talk themselves into experiencing what they don’t want simply because those are the thoughts and feelings they concentrate on! Then the bad situation does occur. proactive ways. if held long enough and backed by emotion. and memories you keep alive in the theatre of your imagination. unconscious “genie” creates your reality based on what you focus on most. The thoughts you hold in the privacy of your own mind.

you can understand how people who are diagnosed with lung cancer can reach for a cigarette. and fill your day (and your mind) with thoughts that support it! Einstein once said that when willpower is butted against imagination. In other words. I’ll use it now: People engage in useful and unuseful self-fulfilling prophecies all the time. we’ll make “unuseful” a word. Your unconscious is responsible for manifesting reality.” not realizing that you were responsible for creating it. That’s the function of your conscious. yet your mind has been so programmed and enticed by food companies through the media that you reach for unhealthy food anyway. and thus they continue to sabotage themselves while blaming everyone else for it. I told you this would happen. focus on what you want. not judging it. imagination always prevails. why are you not achieving your goals? Because you’re unconsciously getting in your own way! Many of you may have heard of the Law of Attraction. Keep in mind that your genie doesn’t care what’s good or bad for you. to your advantage! This is one reason why the rich get richer—they know how to use the power of their unconscious mind. You know that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. So you better make damn sure that you’re feeding your genie what you actually want. So what are you thinking about most? What are you focused on? For the duration of this book. but you reach for the candy bar and a soda pop instead. So. because it’s more fitting for our purposes than anything Webster has come up with. Once you understand how selffulfilling prophecies actually work. 30 .Get Out of Your Way! yourself. The poor just get poorer because they don’t understand this power. It states that what you think about most. You know that it’s not good for you. “See. you can use them in a positive way. Knowing now that your unconscious mind will almost always override your conscious willpower. you draw into your life. and feel with emotion.

Before we begin this extraordinary exercise. 31 .” This person didn’t realize that when something seemed false to him. or kinesthetic (get feelings in specific locations in your body). “It’s just illogical. he said. you’ll discover a self-limiting belief attached to it. and for him the tone of voice he used confirmed the emotion he felt.<=$P"<#+99. whether he pictured it.” How do you know that this statement is false? Do you see a picture of it in your mind that seems blurred or hazy? Do you hear a voice in your head that says.” Our goal is to take the self-limiting beliefs or fears that you currently have stored in the True (believe in) folder and move them into the False (no longer believe in) folder. and “negative” memories. he’d comment on it in his mind by making the statement “It’s just illogical” using a matter-of-fact tone. There are also folders for things that you think are “True” and things that you think are “False. we need to decipher whether you are more visual (see pictures in your mind’s eye). “positive” memories. Think of something that you know with absolute certainty is false.$4)=+<. Imagine that your unconscious mind is like a large filing system. Many of these beliefs can quickly and easily be transformed by the exercises you are going to learn now.%<$/G")A. This is an auditory response. or felt it.?"H !"##. sooner or later when you come across a block or an obstacle.g. It could be “the moon is made of cheese. “bad” feelings. “I don’t think so”? Or do you get an uneasy feeling in a particular part of your body (e. heard it. stomach) that signals this is false? Take a few minutes to pay attention to your inner world and discover now how you know something is false.Q"@ Even when you’re convinced that you’ve healed all your emotional or psychological wounds.Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness 3)+<?&%)F+#. Then you will take the ideas that you really do want to believe in and trust with a feeling of certainty and place them into the True folder. When asking a client how he imagined something being false. It has folders within this system that store “good” feelings.. auditory (hear sounds or voices in your head).

” Her eyes squinted as she looked to her right. she imagined a large color photo located to her left. and then all at once her 32 . Her belief was that because she didn’t have a college education. I am helping you to make an unconscious process conscious. and moved it over to her right. Then I had her make the picture black and white. she didn’t deserve to make as much as the people who had the degrees. “Now tell me something that is true. Then she said. I also knew that when she believed something was true. As I watched her eyes. how do you know this?” She said.” I replied.” I replied. I now knew that her “False” folder was located to her right and when she imagined something false. Although she did not have the degrees. “And when you think of the true statement. “I have two dogs. “When you think of having two dogs. she worked harder and brought in more new clients than anyone else in her office.” Then I asked. that’s okay. This limiting belief created massive tension in her because it was incongruent with her reality. she turned it into a small black and white picture. feeling. This person felt she was unworthy of making more money. “Give me a minute. Why is this information so incredibly useful? Because now I knew how to help her strengthen or weaken any idea. This brief conversation provided many insights as to how this woman stored and processed information.” She glanced over to her left and said. you’ll be blown away by the immense potential of this exercise! I asked another client to provide me with something that she knew was false. 2) making it small or large. how do you imagine it?” She said.” which happened to be stored as a color picture on her left side. or belief simply by turning it into a picture and 1) placing it on her left or right side. Eventually it will. she glanced up and over to her right. and when it does.Get Out of Your Way! If you are feeling a bit confused right now. and 3) turning it black and white or color. I asked how she felt about the unworthy belief now and she said.” as she glanced again to her left. “I see a small black and white picture in my mind of my dog and an empty space next to him. Just go back and reread this information until it suddenly clicks. “I have one dog. “I see a big colorful picture of my dog. We took the belief that she was “unworthy.

The following week she walked into my office grinning from ear to ear. and her shoulders softened. She took a deep breath in. If it’s a picture. She replied. or far away? Is it in color or black and white? Is it large. but it does! I regularly teach clients how to do this exercise. I even asked for the exact amount that I imagined getting. “I do deserve to be paid more because I’m worth it!” I said."& 1. where is it located in your personal space? Is it in front of you. “Sorry about that. or get a feeling when you imagine this thing that is false? Once you’ve identified the characteristics of the false image. so I made the picture smaller and all of a sudden I felt this incredible sense of freedom. he’d hear a low 33 . Then she looked over and said. Now I wish I would have asked for this raise a long time ago!” Who would have thought that just moving some pictures around in your mind’s eye could have such profound and immediate results. 3)+<?&%)F+#. write them down so that you easily remember them. Create an image in your mind of something that you know is absolutely false. “Then make a large color picture of yourself getting a raise and place it on your left.#. Do you see a picture. So he gave me the raise! The funny thing is.<=$C"9.” She replied. I had a client once say that whenever he thought of something false. hear a sound. He was a little resistant at first. but not all the way. She did. medium. perhaps you hear a sound. and it works like a charm virtually every single time! Let’s get it to work for you now. I started feeling better.” I smiled and said. he didn’t even mention anything about my not having any degrees. “Great! Now let’s take it one step further. to the left.F.?"H B%K$#%$L()#6")$*"+R"<$+$:"9&IJ.Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness whole demeanor changed. Now tell me what you want to believe about yourself. but I knew he didn’t want to lose me.%<$/G")A. “Great! I felt so good about myself after our last session that I went right up to my boss the next day and asked for that raise. up close. or small? If you don’t see a picture. to the right. “How are you today?” I asked.

The next step is to think of an idea or belief that you currently believe is true. shape. 4. Now move this belief into the False folder. 34 . Think of the self-limiting belief and see if it still feels real or believable. even if they are slight. and change all of the characteristics of the self-limiting belief so that it matches the characteristics of the false image you originally came up with.” 2.Get Out of Your Way! voice in the back of his mind say “Not!” Notice the details. chest. Think of a new. desirable belief that you would like to feel with certainty is true. texture) you should notice some separate distinctions. Notice how you experience that idea in your mind. sound. “Rock.%<$/G")A. Do you think of it as a picture.?"H B%K$#%$:#)"<=#6"<$+$. You may now feel neutral or indifferent. When you think of something false. If you continue to notice more of the attributes (size. Is it big or small.)+S9"$C"9. in color or black and white. or feeling? Right down all of its characteristics. Some clients have related that their false image and true image were in the same location. volume. it was a low voice that seemed to come from the back of his head. 3)+<?&%)F+#. and where do you sense that it’s located in your body? I’ve had clients say that when something felt false. sound. loud or soft? Do you get a feeling in your head. or abdomen? 3."& 1. what kind of feeling do you get.” “Stomach. How do you “know” that it’s false? Do you get an image. but that you’d like to believe is false. Then test it. or feeling about it? Notice the characteristics and attributes of that picture. close or far. sound. It might even feel foreign or silly to think that you used to believe that. it was like they had a rock in their stomach. Again. For him. location. perhaps you just get a feeling. It should start to feel different."?. or feeling. pay attention to details. Notice how you imagine this belief. If you don’t see a picture or hear a sound.

Next. Remember that idea you wanted to believe was false. As you continually discover how your brain codes and structures information.Chapter 3 Empowerment: The Key to Mental Toughness 2. you’ll be able to quickly add and delete beliefs. and bigger. yet felt might be true? How did you know that it was true? What were the characteristics that made this idea seem so believable? 3. sounds. make it sound more convincing. 35 . call 877-944-HOPE. closer. and feel warmer. Now test it. empowering belief and notice if it now feels more believable and true. Use your imagination. Give it the exact same characteristics and attributes so that it looks. Think of the new. For more information on how to use this technique. You know what to do next! Take the idea that you now want to believe with certainty is true and move it over into the True folder. and feels absolutely true to you now. think back to that True folder that we identified earlier. and patterns of behavior through using formulas like this. You may want to increase its brightness. fears. 4. Play around with the features until it feels just the way you want it to.

Get Out of Your Way! 36 .

You might have looked at an orange while thinking.%<H$B%K$C"9. Now add in the unique filters we each possess.” while I might have seen you glance at the orange and perceived that you were thinking. Based on these two experiences. Even if you were graphic and explicit in detail.Chapter Four 7")A"8#. what if you loved oranges and I hated them? That would make the experience of eating an orange even more varied. because each person has a subjective. For example.” One way to describe the process of how you interpret and react 37 . personal view of reality. I think I’ll pelt Tim with it. “I sure would enjoy an orange. What if in high school I was the victim of an orange-ing? I walked outside and was pelted by the football team with oranges. actions. “An orange. I could never taste and experience an orange in the same way you do.<=$ *. Each person has a unique filter."M.99$299%K$'%($3%$:"" Your Unconscious Filters to situations is through the analogy of a filter. (This never happened.) Maybe you went to school in Orange County and during your senior year. you were voted Orange King or Queen. describe the taste of an orange or the color blue. The information coming in through your five senses is intercepted by the life “filters” you’ve developed over the years. our filters would be considerably different when it came to the fruit we call an orange. For example. We each have different perceptions of words. This unconscious filter is formed from your beliefs and life experiences. and events.

and show you how your difficult life experiences can now greatly benefit yourself and others. Saying no to your child is never fun. You are bombarded with over 2. Many events in your life may have been upsetting or difficult. When my parents told me I couldn’t do something. Now that the tables are turned. angry. or pouted. realities. and your brain can only process about 159. This means that millions of possibilities. and even disappointed at times. I felt upset. and outcomes get completely ignored or thrown away (erased) without your ever knowing 38 . and even rescue me from myself. I see how they were trying to protect and guide. or it throws away the information completely. Understanding Your Reality-Creating Unconscious Mind Your unconscious is the information warehouse of your brain.3 million bits of data per second. and to escape their own inner bullies. I was certain my parents were out to destroy my social life. but not saying no at times can be a whole lot worse for the both of you. As an adult. yelled. it gets compared to what’s happened in the past. When I was a teenager.000 bits of this data per second. do you think there’s a chance that some of those interpretations were incorrect? Could it be possible that you drew the wrong conclusion based on the limited information you had? The answer for all of us is yes. Then your brain either puts the information into a general crate. however. In reality. At the time it really sucked. But when you look back upon those situations as an adult. I found that those early experiences fueled my deep desire to help others become stronger in life. I realize why my parents said and did many of the things they did. and it operates like storage crates. One of my hopes for you is that this book will likewise give you a new perspective. Now that I’m a father. As a kid.Get Out of Your Way! Out of all the interpretations you’ve made over the years. they cared about me so much that they stood their ground even when I cried. I was picked on a lot as a child (not with oranges). it distorts the information to fit into a specific crate. When new information comes in through your senses. you gain a deeper perspective. my child(ish) interpretation was that they didn’t care about my feelings.

God provides the quantum energy from which you can create your life. It will mostly only allow you to perceive things that support your beliefs. you would never have the ability to change. I stuck in the word mostly because if your mind only allowed you to see what you believe. honest. Instead of seeking to understand how another may interpret the subject. and your brain selects which energy to pay attention to based on your beliefs. Another Layer of Perception There’s something else you should know about your unconscious mind. My clients have breakthroughs all the time. Are there warm. the possibility of a new experience will be unlikely because you’re not giving it the slightest chance to emerge. and focus. rigid people cling even tighter to their own ideas and set out on a mission to prove that there is only one single truth—theirs! Many casualties have resulted from this type of closed-minded thinking. Yet. you need to work with the part of your mind that controls it—the unconscious. you do have the ability to experience “evidence” contrary to what you believe if you are able to keep an open mind and welcome new possibilities. And that’s what I mean when I say that you are cocreating your reality. for example. Thus.Chapter 4 Perception: How Believing Will Allow You to See it. When your mind is closed. But you won’t meet them because you’ll be attracting the aggressive ones. To influence human behavior. most continue to rely on willpower—the conscious— and that’s why they continue to fail. trustworthy salespeople? Yes. People change every day. then you will tend to attract only the pushy salespeople. If you have a belief that all salespeople are pushy. attitude. completely close their minds to an opposing viewpoint when speaking about passionate subjects like religion or politics. 39 . Many people.

If your mind really believes this. If you’re a diabetic but you still guzzle soda pop all day long. you’re going to have to accept the reality that you are a fabulous human being with amazing potential. Therefore.” “I really don’t have a choice anymore. it will continue to justify the behavior. you have to know it’s bad for you. “I’m going to start exercising tomorrow. His mind sees only one option. so I might as well live it up tonight. It’s no wonder they could never lose the weight. and justifications for why he must continue to behave in this way. I’ll get a terrible headache. This is why when you meet someone who is doing something that he knows is bad for himself. and. If you are twenty pounds or more overweight. but unconsciously it just wasn’t going to happen. excuses. My point is that once your unconscious locks onto a certain belief. I might as well enjoy myself. Consciously they all said they wanted to lose weight. Their beliefs (their perceptions) keep them this way. I’m addicted to it.” “I’m going to die from something. But because your unconscious is so powerful. This is why so many who diet remain heavy.Get Out of Your Way! Once your unconscious locks onto a certain belief.” “If I lose weight. you still have the ability to triumph over them! 40 . it will overrule logic and support the belief that pizza or soda will make you feel better. Remember. it will supply your conscious mind with justifications that support only that belief. I’ll have all this loose skin and it will look worse than my being heavy.” “If I don’t drink this soda. even if there is some validity to your self-limiting beliefs. Their minds had no intention of changing their behaviors or dropping the fat. beliefs will only allow you to see things that support those beliefs. it will supply your conscious mind with justifications that support only that belief. you know that devouring bags of chips or a deep-dish pizza is harmful to your health. he will give you reasons.” These are all actual excuses that I’ve heard from people who were obese.

here’s another chance. Sing out loud: “We are the champions.?" Test Your Courage for this challenge are simple. great! I’m proud of you! If not. This test is designed to see how well you deal with challenges 41 . why not? • • • • • • Was it too silly for you? Are you too dignified? Are you afraid someone might judge you? Are you in a rush to get to the next exercise? Are you too busy analyzing the intention of the exercise or why I’m asking you to do such a thing? Maybe you’re not good at following instructions? It’s time to see if you have the courage to succeed! The instructions The only reason I asked you to sing out loud was to see if you would do it. 2. my friend! And we’ll be together until the end!” Did you do it? If so. !) Ready. SING! “We are the champions. Sing it as loud as you can and. 1..Chapter Five 1%F&%)#$T%<"?H$$$$$$$$$$$ 3)+8?$0<$. Here you go. even if it made you a little uncomfortable. And we’ll be together until the end!” Great! Give yourself a round of applause for following through. my friend. 3! “We are the champions my friend. sing even louder! Let’s see how courageous you really are. If you still haven’t sung this tune.?=(. if others are around. And we’ll be together until the end!” (Try to hit the high notes.

or your ability to take direction and follow through is lacking. You should write them down. paraphrased You need to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable or at least fake it until you make it. You cannot grow if you’re playing it safe! If you want to become confident and successful but make excuses for not accomplishing smaller tasks. the next time in this book you’re asked to take action. or that I am. please do it! Like the Nike commercials say. Only in times of challenge can your inner hero emerge! “When you’re going through hell. what makes you think you’ll follow through on larger ones? “You must go out on a limb because that’s where the fruit is. Instead. it suggests that you are willing to take some risks and put yourself out there.” Lao Tzu. because they are good indicators for the kinds of self-limiting beliefs that sabotage you. If you completed the task.Get Out of Your Way! and how willing you are to leave or expand your comfort zone. or excuses that keep you struggling and mediocre! “You cannot grow and play it safe at the same time” How you play games is a good reflection of how you play the game of life. become aware of the excuses that enter your mind for not following through. 42 . realize it’s your fear. don’t stop!” Les Brown Therefore. you are overly concerned with how others view you. Decide that it’s okay to feel weird or unsure during these exercises so you can experience the breakthroughs you desire. ego. You may justify your actions by thinking that the test was stupid. no matter how strange it might seem. it suggests that you don’t take many risks. “Just do it!” Comfort Zone or Excuses Zone? Each time you are confronted with an exercise. If you did not take action as requested.

notice the excuses you repeatedly use for getting overwhelmed. Instead of singing. What do they reveal about your belief in yourself and in your wonderful abilities? One More Try! Because I think you’re absolutely fabulous.” “I don’t know how. . Over the next couple of days. Now say passionately: “I create my destiny and I have the power!” Fantastic! I know you really stepped up this time.” “I’m too tired. Write them down.” “I don’t have any willpower. write them down. feeling upset. Since transformation requires new information. Common Excuses: “I don’t have enough time.%<$/G")A. I’m going to give you another chance.” If some of your excuses come to mind now.” “Nobody listens to me (or takes me seriously). Being aware of these excuses will open your eyes to how much or how little you believe in yourself..Chapter 5 Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise 3)+<?&%)F+#.. it’s normal to feel resistant when making 43 . Write down other excuses for the next few days. I want you to say out loud as you tap yourself on the forehead: “I create my destiny and I have the power!” Ready.” “I have too many commitments.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I have to take care of my parents. Start tapping on your forehead with your index finger. procrastinating.” “It’s their fault."&$:.” “It won’t last. or otherwise not reaching your goals.?#"F?V In your notebook . .?"H C"$2K+)"$%&$'%()$4K<$CD:D$UC"9.

glass. and plastics in separate containers. or making your life better. Instead. and plastics all into one big pile in the back of the truck. These new. expecting his mother to make amends.” I once heard a story about an eight-year-old who complained about taking out the trash. glass. The boy beamed with satisfaction. it has everything to do with it. and that’s just how it is. and told her what he had seen. courage-creating challenges reveal your current levels of comfort.” When I first heard this story. and as you progress through this book. security. those levels should increase. It’s even more mind-boggling to see people clinging to old beliefs that they know are untrue just because “we’ve always done it that way. One day the boy was late in getting the garbage to the street. and then he got excited. and we are going to continue doing it this way. I’ve always been amazed by how easily people will accept ideas that are untrue. The boy was shocked. I wanted to throw that mother into the back of the recycling truck! What kind of message does that send to an 44 . found his mother. His mother didn’t believe him and continued to make her son sort the recyclables. losing weight. The following week when the recyclable truck pulled up.Get Out of Your Way! changes. His mother was very strict and always demanded that he recycled the newspapers. We’ve always done it this way. as you will see. and self-esteem. “It doesn’t matter. These exercises also offer immediate feedback on how well you follow instructions and how willing you are to do whatever it takes to be successful. Comfort Zone or Habit Zone? You can always tell when someone resists leaving his/her comfort zone. S/He will continue to think and behave in the same manner even when new or contrary information is introduced. she looked at her son and said. e courageous have always risked death while the fearful have never really lived at all. Yet. He ran into the house. and plastics all into one big pile. the boy begged his mother to watch the man through the window. Reluctantly she agreed and saw with her own eyes as the man dumped the newspapers. glass. He ran out with the three separate containers just as the recycling truck pulled up. Encouraging you to sing out loud may not seem like it has anything to do with building wealth. The boy watched the driver throw the loose newspapers.

” Part of being courageous means testing yourself and your beliefs. she marries a man who begins drinking heavily after they marry. because they are afraid of it being tested. Even though this woman’s early environment was unhealthy. Yes. comfort zones are actually prisons that keep you stuck. This can be a scary concept. For most. He said. and that’s what makes them feel safe. Any worthy relationship requires risk and the ability to make yourself vulnerable to your partner. I once asked a well-respected professor of religious studies about people who were so rigid with their spiritual beliefs that they didn’t want to hear anything else but what they believed. It means taking the chance of being wrong or getting hurt because the potential rewards are worth it. People fear change because they believe things could get worse than they already are. but it’s also a reality. If you’ve ever thought this: “I’m afraid to leave my comfort zone because I don’t know what will happen and it could be worse than it is right now. more fulfilling love that can emerge is worth the growing pains.” then know this: Things will never get better or different if you refuse to leave your comfort zone! Comfort Zone or Danger Zone? Here’s an example of an unhealthy comfort zone. People come up with all kinds of rituals for how things “should” be because it creates a feeling of familiarity. Just do what you’ve always done and don’t question it. Part of being courageous means testing yourself and your beliefs. Most “comfort zones” aren’t even comfortable. and thus she unconsciously recreated it as an adult. but the deeper. at times you’ll get hurt. it was familiar.” I bet you know someone who’s behaved in this manner. “These people have the least amount of faith. It means taking the chance of being wrong or getting hurt because the potential rewards are worth it. They’re just familiar. The 45 . As an adult.Chapter 5 Comfort Zones: Traps In Disguise impressionable child? “Don’t trust what you see. and he becomes steadily more agitated and aggressive. A young girl grows up in an abusive environment with an alcoholic father.

You’ll reap the benefits for years to come. while reading this book or at any time after. when you go to the movies. secure. 3. However. and if you assume the worst. it probably will since the choices you make are heavily determined by what you believe to be true! Freedom from “Comfort” Zones One way to challenge being afraid of the unknown is to think about the following.Get Out of Your Way! future is unknown. You co-create your destiny. Your Creator and I are both here in spirit. ! We are both cheering you on. Reassure yourself that you are in the process of developing courageous beliefs and habits that will help you feel relaxed. if you believe good things are coming your way. even if it feels scary at first. Besides. We’ll give you the exact abilities and strategies you need to pull this job off exceptionally well! 46 . would it? Much of the enjoyment comes from not knowing what’s going to happen. you find yourself resisting or retreating to old habits. You can feel calm about the future since your actions help to create it and you are in charge of your actions! If. it can be a frightening proposition. The future will bring good things! 2. and your situation will only get better. remind yourself that the old “comfort” zone is nothing more than a prison. safe. Healthy. Part of the fun is not knowing what will happen. you’re not alone on this journey. It’s time for you to experience true freedom. God sets up the opportunities. and confident regardless of your circumstances or environment. Four Beliefs of the Happy. and Wealthy 1. Remember. 4. Would you go to the movies if you knew the ending to every single movie? That wouldn’t be much fun. aren’t you assuming it’s going to be a pleasurable experience? Then why not think of your life as a movie that’s full of possibility and that you have the directorial power to ensure this movie has a happy ending! I highly recommend making the following four beliefs your own. but we’ll do even better than that. and you get to decide which opportunities to pursue.

” S To change how you think. you will reply to that voice with a defiant.<=$'%()?"9&$ 0<#%$:(AA"??$4)$L+. From now on. . “Right after I enjoy this tasty donut. In the chapter one exercise.” Or you might think. which will reveal why your present is the way it is. Just trying to change how you think. will not work. “Yeah.” he heard a voice in his head say “Not. 47 .” A client told me the other day that when he said to himself “I can do anything. “Hell no! I don’t want any freaking donuts. There’s yet another good reason to occasionally write down what’s going on in that mind of yours. . it’s important to strengthen your mind at the core. . right.Chapter Six 2)"$'%($3+9R. you must change your driving beliefs.9()"E That Voice in Your Head ince your beliefs tend to be the catalyst for how you think. “I’m going to excel on this diet!” Then the voice says. I can accomplish anything! I’m going to do what it takes to be successful right now! I will have what most others won’t have because I’m willing to do what most others are not willing to do!” We call this self-talk. without changing the driving beliefs. I told you that putting your thoughts on paper allows you to look back on how you were thinking in your past. You’ll say. “I’m going to be a millionaire!” and then you hear a voice in your head that says. Identify Your Self-Limiting Beliefs.

and supportive for another reason: What you say to yourself creates how you feel in the moment. Thus. and it has really made a huge difference. Come on. These feelings or emotional states determine what actions you take. you had a rough day. and get yelled at right before going home. It will ruin my whole night. It can often become quite an effective way to stop the debate. it will eventually accept it. Why.” Other battles sound like this: “I’m going to make those calls right now. you’ll always lose. 48 . the quality of your daily thinking can also greatly influences your beliefs. You’ll hurt worse. It’s incredibly important that your thinking (self-talk) is positive. If your unconscious hears it enough. besides.Get Out of Your Way! Have you ever had a mental argument with yourself.” If I get caught up in an internal debate. The best defense against this to either write down your thoughts or to begin saying them out loud so that you can hear how critical or ridiculous you sound! Clients who’ve done this have said. Yeah. The words you say and the images or movies that you play in your mind generate specific emotional states. But you won’t notice it if you continue to keep the voices tucked safely away in your mind. Actually writing my thoughts down allowed me to go back and see how much of a bully I was being to myself. That’s when I decided to treat myself with more respect. I begin debating out loud. you’ll only get hurt! I’m hurting anyway. I had no idea I was being so mean to myself. especially when you hear yourself blowing things way out of proportion. I need to lose weight. Just make one call. one way to update your beliefs is by telling yourself what you want to believe. maybe. I’ll just call tomorrow when I come in. like there are two of you in there battling it out? “I’m doing this! No you’re not. Influence Your Thoughts through Positive Self-Talk Although your beliefs influence the quality of your thoughts.” When you argue with yourself. so they can hang up on you? I’m being stupid. live a little. No. and this behavior then shapes your reality or experience of life. loving. “Wow. one little cookie won’t hurt.” Some battles sound like this: “Don’t eat those cookies! Oh.

and encouraging. to create a new dialogue with yourself that is loving.” One surefire way to create a more prosperous life is through focusing the majority of your mental energy onto what you want to believe about yourself and your life. Instead. right now. said (paraphrased) the greatest discovery of the twentieth century was that “The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.?"H :"9&I3+9RH$. The good news is you can begin. Those choices influence the results you get. the next step is to engage in a stronger. If your self49 . more optimistic dialogue with yourself. ose choices influence the results you get.$:#"8? Once you transform your underlying beliefs. and those results then reinforce the thinking that started it all! William James. If you have crap from your past use it as fertilizer to grow your new life. redirect your mental energy toward what you want and who you are becoming. Those feelings determine what kind of choices you make.Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? Let’s review this again. the founder of modern psychology and one of the greatest minds of our generation. Justine Savich 3)+<?&%)F+#. supportive. how you think determines how your life will be. e thoughts you have create the feelings you experience. or who you are now. those positive qualities you intend to add to yourself.<@?"#$. give yourself what you need.<=$P. Stop waiting for someone else to say these things to you. Ultimately. ose feelings determine what kind of choices you make.<$L%()$/+?."M"9%8$+$:(AA"??I7)%@(A. The thoughts you have create the feelings you experience. and those results then reinforce the thinking that started it all! It’s a big circle.%<$/G")A. Instead of dwelling on what you have. because it’s one of the most important secrets about how your reality is shaped.

you must become more conscious of how you think.Get Out of Your Way! talk isn’t positive. and encouraging. interrupt or challenge that thought immediately. To prevent this. What you think about comes about. supportive or skeptical. If. sometimes you have to repeat negative comments out loud so that you can hear how critical or judgmental you’re really being to yourself. So what are you thinking about? Step Two to developing a success-producing mindset: When you make a negative comment to yourself. Then say loudly and clearly to yourself. it is impossible to win an argument with yourself in your own head. Can you tell me what the majority of your thoughts are focused on? Is that voice in your mind loving or scared. however. 50 . you immediately feel like one. You have roughly 60.000 thoughts each day. Therefore. (And as we said. Remember. calm or angry? You can’t fix something unless you know what the problem is. I’ve provided a four-step process for generating an unstoppable PMA (positive mental attitude. you were to say out loud “I’m such a failure!” suddenly you might feel like you’re being a bit harsh with yourself. You’ll still need to monitor your thoughts every day to ensure you’re staying on course. you might revert back to your former beliefs.) Eventually these four steps will become automatic. Here is the fourstep process. You can interrupt it by imagining a big red stop sign popping out in front of you. CLEAR!” Make sure you say this out loud. Step One to developing a success-producing mindset: Become more aware of your current self-talk. supportive. Be aware of what you’re actually saying to yourself. but it all becomes much easier and effortless over time. “CANCEL.) When you say “I’m such a failure” in your head.

It’s just that this hasn’t happened yet. Say in your own mind “I’m such a failure!” Then say it again out loud with the same amount of emphasis. Now say out loud “I’m such a failure.” and then immediately picture a big red stop sign in front of you. it might even feel uncomfortable. Often. because it’s really false. it will be as though you are arguing with yourself. lots of things have worked out for me. emphasize that particular word and challenge the statement. “Why does this always happen to me?” “Does it always happen to me? Always? Every single time? No. “Things never work out for me!” “Never? Nothing has ever worked out for me ever?” It forces you to bring the situation back into proportion. If it still lingers. CLEAR!” As you do this. but maybe it still can if I keep focusing on what I want.” Here’s another common example. You can repeat the unuseful comment. the thought and accompanying feeling(s) should become smaller and fade away. you’ll find yourself using words like always or never. This is because you have a set of faulty beliefs. 51 . that block you from fully accepting the new information (the positive things you say to yourself). I’m not sure how it’s going to happen. But that’s okay. You could also do the following. Then say with passion. You’ve already learned some very effective strategies for accomplishing this task. But it’s happening this time and I’m really upset about it. I know I’m a good person and everything is going to work out for the better. maybe they’ll turn out better than I expected. “CANCEL.Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? Go ahead and test this now. then you’ll need to challenge it. The second time you say this. and that’s what I’m going to focus on. You can even run it through your Six Power Questions. but I’ll let God figure out those details. If you catch yourself using words like this.” As soon as you begin challenging negative or unuseful thinking. “Okay. In fact. It should feel different. ideas you currently think are true. not every time. and then yell out “What a bunch of BS!” Or move the thought over to the False folder. I’ll get through this and things will be fine. when being overly critical or dramatic.

I am supposed to be here on this planet. Otherwise the weed just grows back. begin planting those mental seeds! Here are a few seeds for you. Step Three to developing a success-producing mindset: Replace the unuseful (negative) thought with a more empowering. My thoughts. and beliefs are just as important as anyone else’s. you must plant the mental seeds to take you there! Where you would like to be in 30 days. I am just as important as everyone else! Today is my day. and I’m going to make it great!” ! 52 . making you feel bad will only make matters worse. values. if you want to grow roses. and behave right this moment? Once you clarify the answers to these questions.Get Out of Your Way! Those are great examples of how to use positive self-talk to transform an upsetting situation into one where you feel more reassured and supported. Some people think bad-mouthing themselves will motivate them to change things. Even if there is some truth to the negative comment. you have to plant rose seeds. which means I can learn from any situation and feel successful from it. Bullying yourself only leads to depression and discouragement. I am the person I was created to be. feel. Also. Use positive self-talk to transform an upsetting situation into one where you feel more reassured and supported. positive comment or statement. or 1 year? How do you want to think. There is no failure. and this makes me stronger and wiser. you need to replace it with a flower. feelings. only feedback. 6 months. Research has proven time and again that only through positive reinforcement can someone be motivated long term. My life does have meaning and purpose. If you wish for your life to go in a certain direction. It only does the opposite. I always learn from every situation. Only through positive reinforcement can someone be motivated long term. “Things do work out in my life. Once you pull a weed. often better than I expected.

000 times before you finally truly believed it. would you? 53 . The only reason people tend to believe negative things about themselves is because they’ve heard those negative statements far more times than positive ones. “That positive thinking stuff doesn’t work. If you are wasting time dwelling on selfdefeating beliefs that are holding you back and creating pain.” If you hear something enough times.” I typically reply. “I can’t do it” becomes “I can do it!” “I’m not worthy” becomes “I am worthy!” “It will never happen” becomes “It will happen and I will always be happy with my decision to go for it and find out either way!” Ask yourself which one of these two brings about genuine regret—daring to reach a goal yet failing or going to one’s death not going for something and wondering what could have been? Step Four to developing a success-producing mindset: Practice and repeat. say that it is to yourself so many times that you can’t remember anything else you used to say! This will work if you work it! Here’s the million-dollar happiness question: If you had to say the positive self-statement that would free you from pain and create massive pleasure in your life 10. How long did you practice it?” The answer I hear most is. “Well. and many give up by the end of the day. I challenge people to use more proactive self-talk for two weeks. I’m just fooling myself. is means you can learn from any situation and feel successful from it. You are fooling yourself if you think that positive thinking doesn’t work. eventually you will begin to believe in it. They say. Sometimes the easiest way to come up with a more empowering belief is to say the opposite of the negative belief. remember this: The only reason you believe that crap is because you heard it so much growing up and now you’re saying it to yourself as an adult! If you want to really believe something is better.Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? ere is no failure. only feedback. “You’re right. I really didn’t practice at all.

You’ve heard the expression “an overnight success. driving a car. Eventually you won’t have to fake it anymore. As Tony Robbins has said. Why? Because he was bound and determined to accomplish his goal. “I’m so stupid! I’m never going to walk! Why does this keep happening to me?” No. If a one-year-old can have that kind of positive. They went from broke to wealthy. Then. and a huge part of this involves developing strong confidence and self-belief. Do you think in his mind he was saying. resilient attitude. When that big opportunity does arrive. he fell down a lot. Many successful people say it’s like feast or famine. The main thing you should be doing is preparing yourself for that big break. “Repetition is the mother of all skills. When my son first started walking. in what seems like an instant. your odds of succeeding increase dramatically! The success formula I teach my clients is Belief + 54 . He simply got up and tried again. and eventually succeeded. and that’s okay. you can too. beginning a new job. say that it is to yourself so many times you can’t remember anything else you used to say! Destination: Success So keep planting those seeds of success. Overnight successes typically spend several years evolving to their peak. This will come from how you positively communicate with yourself on a daily basis. and your life will instantly be changed. and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him. One day your mind will just accept this information it keeps receiving from you. which is actually a series of little breaks.” That’s an inaccurate statement. That’s why you strive to become the best you can be now. that’s ridiculous. and even though it did happen over time. it feels like the change occurred all at once. Once you begin to THINK SUCCESS.Get Out of Your Way! If you want to really believe something is better. and so on. you want to be ready for it. they arrive at their destination. your positive self-talk. Sometimes you’ll really have to fake it until you make it.” Many of the things you now do with ease were once difficult tasks that you had to practice and repeat: tying your shoes.

I did. and she was pretty upset about it. but when I did accomplish the goal. My grandfather taught me the value of doing things right and persisting until I had succeeded. She hadn’t been able to lose a single pound for fifteen years. “How many times do I have to do this?” He replied. I’ve worked with thousands of people who never dreamed that they could accomplish their goals and live out their dreams—and then they did. I sponsored a group class in which the goal was to turn fear into power through transforming self-limiting beliefs. I finally got so frustrated that I yelled out. She complained of having arthritis and a bad thyroid that prohibited her from losing weight. You can accomplish more than you’ve ever imagined as you continue to get out of your own way.Chapter 6 Are You Talking Yourself into Success or Failure? Expectation = Results. I began working with her and we made some progress. I hope my words are doing this for you right now. I remember being fifteen years old and busting my butt trying to figure something out. the more you will succeed! The Key Ingredient for Success: Believe in Yourself How long will it take before you finally believe in yourself? As long as it needs to. I would have quit way before I ever got to experience the joy and feeling of success. The more you believe and expect to achieve. Arlene came to see me for weight loss. I taught the participants a few of the principles you’re learning in this book.” Shortly after that. it was the best feeling ever! If I had it my way.” So I showed her the bigger picture. and then ended the 55 . Thank goodness I had someone in my life who could see beyond my frustrations and show me the bigger picture. I hated my grandfather’s answer at the time. but I could tell that she was still holding herself back with the belief that “My physical problems keep me heavy. because there’s really nothing more important than this. “Until you get it right.

The board snapped in two like a twig. Don’t focus on the obstacles in front of you. Arlene stepped up. and they broke it with the palm of their hand. Arlene was down twenty pounds.” I taught the class how to do this earlier. I want you to simply move your hand to the imaginary target behind this board. Each person wrote down their self-limiting worries and fears on the board. and then thrust her hand forward. the board doesn’t exist. “I’m seventy-two years old and I have arthritis in my hands.” She smiled. This is also an analogy for achieving goals. You don’t focus on the obstacles in front of you. Arlene took in a deep breath. and the whole room cheered. you don’t focus on hitting the board. “Arlene.Get Out of Your Way! class with a board-breaking ceremony. You imagine hitting a target directly behind the board. Arlene looked at the two pieces of board and then at her hand. 56 . “So much for your old beliefs. Keep your aim on the outcome you desire. Then they handed me the board. When breaking boards. She said. obviously nervous. Two months later. You keep your aim on the outcome you desire.” I smiled and said. I passed her the broken board and said. I held it.

suspicious. or fearful. critical. emotional. the answer is no. and destructive. It’s surprising how negative. “You know what? I’m tired of constantly bullying myself.Chapter Seven B%K$3%$:. would you feel confident about having others read it in Sunday’s newspaper? Would you want to read it? For most. At times. In fact. One of my clients once said she was no longer going to tolerate her own “stinking thinking!” She said. This.” She made a decision in that moment to stand up to her own fears and self-criticisms. and that’s why you need to transform your inner critic into your new best friend. and judgmental we are to ourselves. Especially when things aren’t going your way.9"<A"$'%()$ 0<<")$1). especially in situations where you should be cautious. physical.#. It’s exhausting. and I’m sick of hurting my own feelings. demeaning. These thoughts can have value at times. and financial well-being. most of what comes from your inner critic is not useful. Thus. it’s best to keep a tight leash on your inner critic. my friend. Yet. If I followed you around for a day transcribing what you say to yourself. it’s usually debilitating. must change now! T The Inner Critic: Your New Best Friend Negative self-thoughts are disastrous to your mental.A Where Your Inner Critic Comes From he inner critic is the voice in your mind that suggests or warns that you should be cautious. Before trying to change her life or those 57 . you may be the harshest critic you know.

more secure you. These words and images directly influence how you feel and the actions you take every minute of the day. the better quality of answers you will receive. even if you aren’t aware of it. What should I eat? Huh. whether by literally speaking to yourself or running pictures and/or movies in your mind. Anything new doesn’t feel comfortable or familiar at first. she first began changing her self-talk. Ask yourself good questions. But over time it will. What sounds good? How about a burger? No. that’s okay. and the beliefs that spawn them.” You are continually having an unconscious conversation with yourself. The more solution-oriented and positive your questions (thinking) are. “Am I hungry? Sure. You never just feel an emotion. Maybe I could try that new dressing. One of the most important keys to experiencing an extraordinary life is through learning how to communicate more effectively and positively with yourself! Replacing critical thoughts. and the odds are in your favor of experiencing 58 . There is always something that you picture or say to yourself that precedes the emotional state. If you don’t believe the new things you are saying at first. Your mind does not care what kind of answers it provides you. What about a salad? Okay. I had that yesterday. Its response is only dictated by the quality of the questions you supply. I don’t know.Get Out of Your Way! who were in it. through asking yourself quality questions is the first step toward a happier. and that made all the difference! Make comments to yourself that leave you feeling empowered and strong. e most important key to experiencing an extraordinary life is learning how to communicate more effectively and positively with yourself! Teach Your Inner Voice to Ask Quality Questions The process of thinking is mostly made up of asking and answering questions in your own mind. This is why the quality of the questions you ask yourself will determine the quality of your life.

Asking yourself lousy questions will instantly be met with sarcastic responses from your inner critic. Step One: Think of something that is a mild problem for you in your life right now.%<? The questions you ask yourself influence the way you feel and behave. Your notebook page may look something like this: Problem: ____________________________________________________ 59 . Perhaps after you’ve completed this exercise.?"H 2?R$'%()?"9&$#6"$N. you’ll think twice about the questions you ask yourself. Instead. . Ask yourself lousy questions and you should expect an equivalent response from yourself.=6#$W("?#. In your notebook . . and you’re not going to like the outcome. “What am I going to do about it?” or “What can I do right now to move forward in a positive way? And how can I make it fun?” 3)+<?&%)F+#. Continue to ask lousy questions.” As in.%<$/G")A. Write it down in your notebook now. solutionoriented answers.Chapter 7 How To Silence Your Inner Critic an enjoyable life. begin your questions with the word “What” or “How. “Why can’t I make this work?” “Because you’re a loser!” Here’s a short list of questions to avoid like the plague: • What’s wrong with me? • Why doesn’t anything ever work? • What else could go wrong? • Why me? • Why can’t I get what I want? • Why does this always happen to me? • What did I do to deserve this? Why questions point you in the wrong direction. Ask yourself good quality questions and you’ll get resourceful.

Get Out of Your Way! Step Two: As you think about this problem. Step Three: Keeping in mind the mild problem you wrote down in Step One. These specific questions seek to place blame. 60 . and they lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair. or frustrated. ask yourself the following questions out loud. what else in my life will improve?” “What resources do I have available to help me with this?” “How can I best utilize the resources that I have?” “What am I going to begin doing now to get what I want?” Did you feel different this time? Most feel pretty lousy by the time they get through the self-defeating questions in Step Two. Now let’s try something different. Notice if you feel any different asking yourself these questions as opposed to the other ones. “Why do I have this problem?” “How long have I had it?” “How does this limit me?” “What does this problem stop me from doing what I want to do?” “Whose fault is it that I have this problem?” “When was the worst time I experienced this problem?” These are typical questions that people ask themselves when they don’t get what they want. That’s because those questions are constantly pointing you toward what is wrong or upsetting. overwhelmed. ask yourself the following questions. They create excuses and justifications for why you don’t have what you want. You can’t help but feel stuck. “What outcome do I want?” “How will I know that I have it?” “When I get what I want. and lead to experiences of limitation and lack of choice. Don’t bother answering the questions. Just notice how they make you feel. are problem-oriented.

and they help you to access a state of resourcefulness. ! Asking proactive questions will force your brain to respond with action steps that should immediately be acted upon. . All you have to do to increase conscious awareness is ask yourself the right questions. Beneath your mild problem. Asking high caliber questions will leave you feeling more hopeful. When you re-adjust your mental focus by asking proactive questions. Operating at a higher level of consciousness (awareness) allows you to you identify the action steps that bring the outcomes you desire in the shortest amount of time. on the other hand. you leap past the inner critic and enter a more resourceful state of mind. and as a result. In this state.Chapter 7 How To Silence Your Inner Critic The self-empowering questions in Step Three. and motivated for action! In your notebook . they get better answers. They assume you can and will be successful. you will discover the options that evaded your conscious awareness in the past. ‘Quality questions create a quality life. orient you toward a solution. Successful people ask better questions.” Anthony Robbins 61 . write down the above selfempowering questions so they’re a handy reference for the next time you face a challenge and are tempted to ask yourself the wrong questions. . capable.

Get Out of Your Way! 62 .

emotional."<@ questions. Have you guessed what it is yet? That’s right. FEAR. empowering . but on things that we conjure up and torture ourselves with needlessly.<=$L"+)$'%()$L). we talked about asking proactive. since humans are instinctively hardwired to avoid pain at all costs. our fight-or-flight response gets triggered if we can’t open a jar of peanut butter. think of past fear as False Evidence Appearing Real. at one time. Fear. Often. was a survival emotion that triggered our fight-or-flight response so that we could escape from life-endangering situations. My prior acronym for FEAR was F--. Getting jolted with adrenaline several times a day for situations that are blown out of proportion is seriously damaging to your physical. However. as I show you how to turn mountains into molehills. mental. Fear is actually a defense mechanism designed to protect you. the positive intention of this built-in defense mechanism is now doing more to generate pain than it ever did to keep us safe! Most fears are not based on life-threatening situations.Chapter Eight P+R. and emotional stability. like being eaten by a dinosaur. It’s also the reason why you (and others) haven’t yet achieved your goals or dreams.Everything And Run!! Yet I’ve realized that the feeling of fear is based on the thoughts you have and not on the situation itself. Therefore. I too was prone to getting caught up in fear. your disempowering questions come from a nasty little four-letter word that’s responsible for all the woes in the world. Fear enters our hearts when we perceive potential mental. Fear shuts people down faster than anything else. or spiritual pain. 63 In the previous chapter. Nowadays. I admit that in the past.

com. have a saying that “You can’t get rid of the butterflies. The Toastmasters. Here’s my theory behind the What-If Monster. Imagine you’re afraid there’s a monster in your closet. You start creeping toward the closet door to check it out.TimShurr.” Therefore. Excessive fears stem from an inner critic whose repetitive negative thoughts. This is where the inner critic comes into play. and now that inner voice whispers. your feelings and emotional states are generated by your thoughts. You’re scared. Don’t do it! What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What if they get mad? What if they laugh at me? What if I humiliate myself?” This fearful. A primal instinct of your brain is self-preservation. if you’re standing on top of a ladder and suddenly you have thoughts of falling. Sitting in your living room worrying about ladders falling on you is an example of an unuseful thought process. skeptical. have become worrisome and fearful. and your hands begin to shake as 64 . I refer to this as “playing with the What-If Monster. For example. a popular training group for speakers. or the world around you. that’s just your mind warning you to be careful. others. whether true or not. If it perceives that you could be in harm’s way. your new acronym for fear is Feeling Excited And Ready! Now let’s take control of those fears! The What-If Monster As I said previously. Since fear is an emotion. and even pessimistic voice spends all its time filling your head with worries. fears. and what-ifs. but you can make them fly in formation. it’s going to let you know about it.Get Out of Your Way! e feeling of fear is based on the thoughts you have and not on the situation itself. it must stem from fearful thinking. Your inner critic is that voice in your mind that’s constantly warning you to be cautious or suspicious of opportunities. “Be careful. and sometimes screams.” People play so much with the WhatIf Monster that one of my first e-books was entitled What-IF! You can find it at www.

and this is often worse than if the perceived fear had occurred. Adrenaline courses through your veins as you reach out for the doorknob. it’s 65 . Finally you can’t stand the pressure anymore. It comes from the What-If Monster. how many of your fears have actually come true? How many of the millions of things that you’ve worried about or lost sleep over actually occurred? Not many! Worrying.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend you close in. . emotional. When have you ever spent all night worrying and it made everything better? Never! All it does is drain your batteries. Living in fear or pretending to be less than you really are only generates the dissatisfaction you’re attempting to avoid. Take Control of Your Past Have you ever felt that events that happened in the past are responsible for what’s going on in your life right now? Many people do. in general. Your trembling hand tightens around the knob as your imagination goes into overdrive. you reach the door. is a huge waste of time. stuck. The scary part is never what’s in the closet. Yet. It makes no sense to protect yourself from pain by keeping yourself in pain. and stressed. In fact. It’s the imaginative build-up of what might await you that’s gut-wrenching for most. Every step makes your heart race until. Nothing. . finally. People hold back from taking action and living their dreams because of a nagging fear that the future may bring pain. There’s nothing there except a bunch of clothes. or physical pain that keeps people feeling scared. “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Pain does not come from taking the risk of creating a better tomorrow. and then . . But this is not so. throwing open the closet door is almost a relief. As Franklin D. It’s the possibility of experiencing mental.” If you think about it. so you throw open the door! Frantically you switch on the light and brace yourself for what’s coming. and then . frustrated. . They think that if they keep their expectations low they won’t experience disappointment or failure. You imagine what terrible things lurk on the other side of this door and what could happen if you open it. Roosevelt once remarked.

Poor inner city kids become prominent community members. It’s your interpretation of what has transpired. I worked with a woman who was raped. People who have been hurt in the past often shut down because they fear it could happen again. or upbringing that will decide your fate. Do you want to be paralyzed with fear from all the bad things that have happened or that could happen instead of fully enjoying the moment? 66 . make the appropriate choices now toward achieving your goals. But it does illustrate the fact that what transpires in your life isn’t as important as how you think about it afterward. It’s your outlook and attitude that matters most. however. I hope nothing as traumatic as this has occurred in your life. Yes. In other words. it’s not your environment. you actually create the very pain you are attempting to avoid. It was the paralyzing fear that it could happen again in the future. and I bet it was because of something painful that you experienced in the past. it’s the beliefs that you’ve attained from past experience that continue to steer your life today. Thus.Get Out of Your Way! not what’s happened that’s influencing you. Clearly. circumstances. I could not resist.) Where you are headed is always more important than where you’ve been. (Sorry. some seem to get stuck in the past. now is where your power is! If you really want more certainty over what your future will bring. People don’t follow through because they are trying to avoid pain. That’s why the windshield in your car is so much larger than the rearview mirror! Your future will be determined by the actions you take now. Some people are devastated by their past circumstances while others rise above it. Live in the present moment. Wealthy kids who come from good homes end up being drug addicts. How many times does it take for you to get laughed at when giving a speech before you decide never to do it again? Usually just once. It’s your viewpoint of the situation. You might think that the rape was the worst thing that she experienced. In procrastinating. It’s the interpretation and meaning you’ve given to those events that’s important. right? Think of anything that you fear or get nervous about doing. but there is no future in this. To her it was not.

and no matter what happens. is the pattern commonly referred to as procrastination. what if you focused on supporting a new belief. 97 percent of the time. you saw it before): ere is no failure. In an attempt to avoid failing or avoid the pain of lost approval from others. you will always be okay! I strongly recommend writing that on the back of your hand in black marker (or at least in your notebook). don’t you think? If you have a 97 percent chance of winning the lottery. Because of this fear. so why assume the worst? Sometimes what you think was a bad choice could actually turn out to be a good thing. how fast would you buy a ticket? So instead of spending time torturing yourself in advance for things that never happen. which tends to produce the perceived fears. Action. you’ll analyze the hell out of everything and remain stuck! It’s called paralysis by analysis. Optimistic beliefs are the only thoughts that can provide real security 67 . only feedback. Out of the 20 percent that do. you’re just fine. this belief (you’ll recognize part of it. my friend. feedback. Those are pretty good odds. and more action are what get people results and an increased feeling of worth and esteem. you will experience difficulty when making even the smallest of decisions. Over-analyzing decisions can cause you to lose the ability to actually make one! This leads to a rushed decision at the last possible moment. and the remaining 3 percent were survivable. you’ll weather the storm and come out on top. In other words. The inventor of the Post-It Notes was actually working on a formula for glue that would stick things together forever! Researchers suggest that 80 percent of the fears people have never come true.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend When you don’t have a strong internal foundation. There is a nagging fear that you will choose incorrectly and trigger a disaster. “What if it doesn’t work out?” “Hey. and that. This reinforces the fear and hesitation in the future. people spend more time analyzing situations instead of taking action to improve them. It will be a good reminder that even if what you fear does occur. what if it does!” Sometimes you’ve got a 50/50 chance of things going right. 17 percent of those ended up not being a big deal.

They also generate more secure. or love. As she described the memory. soothing voice. and this is where it counts. Nothing else can. worrisome. Instead we addressed her nonverbal cues. The next method is unique. Remember. I noticed that whenever she mentioned feeling anxious. comfortable feelings because you’re focusing on things that make you feel secure and hopeful. or unuseful thought pops into mind. Not money. It took her awhile. can you take a painful experience from the past and make it work to your advantage? The answer is yes. Although what Jan was saying to herself would have made anyone feel anxious. and soothing. but she finally recalled a recent evening when she had curled up on the couch and fell asleep watching television. You are about to influence your past in a way that empowers your present and future. she began speaking faster and in a higher pitch. it focuses on how you say things to yourself. because they redirect you toward discovering solutions. You might think that once something has occurred there’s nothing you can do to change it.Get Out of Your Way! and comfort in life. I recently worked with a woman who suffered from severe anxiety. Every time a negative. and this is something you can influence! Just because you aren’t literally able to go back in time and change things. I had Jan imagine the last time she really felt safe and relaxed. She gave me a confused look. lower. Rather. because it doesn’t deal at all with the content of what you are saying. low. Only your beliefs in positive outcomes can give you the feeling of safety. “What if my situation works out better than I ever imagined? What if my life just kept getting better and better?” These are more empowering what-ifs to work with. I didn’t focus directly on her word choice. 68 . You are stronger than your fears! Ask yourself. Not true. fire back with something more positive. I asked her to say the same things she said to herself when feeling anxious but to say them with that slow. when we talked about it. her voice sounded slower. As I listened to Jan describe the way she felt. The question is. but complied. it’s not what has happened but how you interpret it that matters. health. Methods for Quieting Your Fears One method for calming your worrisome mind is self-talk. it doesn’t mean you can’t do so in your imagination.

or low? Are you thinking quickly or 69 . and she has been in control ever since. since whenever Jan felt anxious. Is it high. In ten minutes I had her laughing about it. and notice how the voice sounds in your mind. We can get you out of it fast! You can also get my best-selling End Fear Now! program at www. I repeatedly had Jan imagine different scenarios in which she felt anxious while commenting about them in her southern voice. which normally led to a full-blown panic attack.%<$/G")A. I modeled this for her first. Each time. she had to speak high and fast and stare at the ground. which was polar opposite from how she behaved when I first met her. “I think it’s working. calm voice. she either laughed or smiled broadly. 3)+<?&%)F+#. It only took a second before she burst into laughter again. Jan suffered from severe anxiety for twenty-five years. The harder Jan tried to get anxious. she tended to look down.com. I asked her to say something to herself that made her feel anxious but to say it using an exaggerated southern accent. adrenaline-producing voice she was used to hearing in her head. Instead she began to laugh. low. she incorporated her “southern” voice. calm voice immediately reduced her anxiety. I wanted Jan to have another resource as well in case she had difficulty speaking slowly in future situations. call our office. our outlandish accents were a far cry from the intense. the more she could not. If you suffer from anxiety.?"H 3+R"$1%<#)%9$%M")$L"+) You can utilize the same strategies Jan used to calm your inner critic. Looking up and speaking in a slow. Think about something that worries you. This time when Jan went into her barrage of worrisome self-talk. In order for Jan to feel anxious. I don’t really feel anxious at all. and we both broke out into laughter. Since we were both from the Midwest. medium. Jan smiled and said.TimShurr.” I asked Jan to try really hard to get anxious while speaking slowly and in a low. I also asked her to look up.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend As the panicky words rolled slowly and calmly from her mouth.

If so. Have you ever been afraid of being rejected? “Oh. and then make that voice sound completely opposite. You may be at a point in your life where it feels like you’re confronted by fear every second of the day. and I’ve 70 .Get Out of Your Way! slowly? Notice any other nuances about the voice in your head. what if they don’t like me? What if they don’t pick me? What if they laugh at me? What if they yell at me? What if they think I’m stupid/ugly/fat/boring?” 2. and sound as though it’s coming from across the room. like all fears. If the original voice is high. and it feels like it’s coming down on you. and use a funny-sounding accent. 3. change it. gets instilled in us when we are young. they often creep back into your life when you least expect them. If you’re having difficulty identifying what the voice in your head sounds like. This fear. Or say it in your sexiest voice possible! If someone walks in on you. Even when these fears are managed effectively or even resolved. Can you guess what these five universal self-limiting fears are? I’ll list them for you here: 1. Have you ever been fearful of someone withholding love from you? Maybe you think that if you don’t act a certain way or behave in a specific manner. Fear of abandonment. Make the voice low. it’s time to take back control now. fast. You’ve experienced one or all of them at some point in your life. Fear of humiliation or embarrassment. Fear of rejection. people will leave you. just start talking out loud about your fears or frustrations. slow. I’ve helped numerous people eliminate panic and anxiety attacks. at least that will give your mind something else to discuss! ! "# Remember to look up! " The Top Five Universal Fears that Get in Your Way There are five core self-limiting fears that hold people back from achieving the success that they desire.

This is the self-limiting belief that drives all others. Out of the entire animal kingdom. 5. Instead. they were more afraid of having an attack while in public and being completely humiliated in front of others. 71 . which is why you would care so much about others’ opinions in the first place. and the heart starts pounding. Yet.” Or. not being good enough. Why? Because what if you choke and people think you’re an idiot? Most often. “I’m not good enough. Stated differently. You might think the common thread that links all these fears together is how others view you. You might think the common thread that links all these fears together is how others view you.” “I don’t deserve to be happy/successful/ rich. If you get on stage and give your presentation to a bunch of empty chairs. what matters in the end is how you view you. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failure. being humiliated or embarrassed. This comes back to the fear of being rejected. Fill those seats with an audience. this would be the fear of being unworthy. “I’m not good enough and that’s why people will reject or abandon me.” This basic insecurity is unique to the human race. 4. and ultimately. other people withholding their love or leaving you. This fear is also the main reason for the fear of public speaking. Yet. And we’re supposed to be the most intelligent of the species. People won’t like me. humans are the only creatures who feel they are lacking in some way. it’s no big deal. what matters in the end is how you view you. you already think there’s something incompetent about you.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend learned that it’s not so much the fear of dying that scares people when an attack occurs.

If you look for the best or worst in others. you will eventually find it. flirtation. you become psychic and assume you know exactly what was meant. especially when you’re in an argument. The realtor asked. Because people are better at talking than at listening.” The realtor said. you become stronger than ever.$#6"$3%8$L. It’s like the guy who asked the realtor how the neighbors were in the new neighborhood.%<$/G")A. but the point is that you will always find what you’re looking for. We think we’re experts. “You may find that here as well. “You’ll find the new neighbors to be the same way.” The biggest problem with assuming is that we assume the worst. courteous. suspicious.” A little game is played where instead of clarifying what another may mean while in a conversation. When you handle fear in specific ways. When 72 .?"?H B%K$#%$. “They’re kind of snobby. That glance can be taken as confrontational. but research has shown that we are often mistaken. when you assume to know what somebody else is thinking. No More “Mind Reading”! Most of the fears you have regarding how others view you are made up. If you’re afraid that someone’s not going to like you or that they’re going to think something’s wrong with you. “How are the neighbors in the old neighborhood?” The guy replied.M")?+9$L"+)?$#6+#$!"#$.Get Out of Your Way! 3)+<?&%)F+#.” the realtor may have replied. it’s usually because of how you feel about yourself and not based on how this person actually feels. Remember the old adage “To assume makes an ass out of u and me. or in any of dozens of other ways. we tend to do a lot of “mind reading."?#)%. you’ll be able to make these fears work to your advantage so that instead of being held back. you’ll be wrong.” Now any realtor I know wouldn’t actually have said that.M"$X<. Much of the time. harmless. “They are friendly. A simple glance in your direction can be given a hundred different meanings based on the beliefs you have about yourself and others (does he want to eat the orange or pelt me with it?).” If the guy would have said.<$'%()$*+.

and secure. you’ll begin to internally decode the meaning of what someone has said or done without actually asking them what was meant. Once you decide that you can no longer be rejected by others. however. If someone leaves you and you label it as a tragedy. it will feel that way. They’ll look silly in your eyes. instead of focusing so much on the words and deeds of others. Most arguments erupt when people stop responding to others and instead begin reacting based on what’s being triggered within themselves. Imagine a perfect stranger coming up to you and saying. or would you think that this person should be heavily medicated? If you don’t give someone else power over how you feel about yourself. accepted. confident. they can’t use it against you. you won’t be. People get so caught up in their own issues and imaginations that they stop trying to understand where another is coming from or what another is trying to communicate.” you will feel relieved or excited. 73 . You ultimately get to decide whether you’re going to live in heaven or hell here on Earth based on how well you learn to interpret life in a way that supports and nurtures you.” It all comes down to how you label (interpret) what’s happening. while others are actually more concerned with how you are judging them! Again. If. “I don’t like you and I never want to talk to you again!” Would you immediately feel crushed. do you automatically assume it was positive? Most will say no. As Eleanor Roosevelt once stated.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend someone makes a comment and you’re not sure what the intention was. you look at the situation and think “good riddance. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. These negative feelings that get triggered stem from the five universal fears we just discussed. Because of your insecurities. its time you redirect attention toward how you can continually make yourself feel loved. but it won’t matter. The irony is that you spend so much time fretting over how others are judging you. People may try to reject you.

which will give you the ability to choose how you’re going to feel at any given moment. I’m afraid that I’m going to meet someone and suddenly not know what to say. you can discover them in my audiobook entitled Emotional Mastery: How To Turn Fear Into Power! It’s available at www. feelings. She replied. Enjoy! Eliminate Networking Jitters Joann came to me because she had a terrible time networking at Chamber functions. The following stories illustrate many of the points we’ve just covered. you’ll become more conscious of your inner dialogue. and behaviors. but you always have the final say over your thoughts. Because emotions can be felt faster than you can become aware of the thought process that preceded them. “I’m making myself feel angry based on how I’m interpreting your words and actions. and they’re going to think I’m an idiot. A more accurate statement would be. Others do not have the power to make you feel one way or another. “I keep wondering what the others think of me. I asked her what went through her mind as she pictured herself going to a networking event.com. whenever she thought about attending an after-hours event at the local Holiday Inn. They may influence your decision.TimShurr. you will no longer be able to say. your self-talk. you will be able to get many insights from them. She was very charismatic and confident in a oneon-one situation at her office. The point is that after reading this book.” I asked Joann if she thought others at this event might feel the same way she did. She replied that there probably were others there who 74 . But this is false! As your beliefs become stronger and more empowering. you may think others do have the power to hurt or control you. We’ll both be standing there with nothing to say. Although these are primarily stories that help sales professionals overcome specific challenges. “You make me so mad!” because this is a false statement.” Hearing yourself say that out loud might actually be enough to interrupt your anger pattern. Yet.Get Out of Your Way! You and you alone are responsible for how you feel in any given situation. If you want to learn even more strategies for interrupting unhealthy patterns of behavior and how to feel empowered within seconds. she froze.

Instead. perhaps you can focus on helping a couple of the other attendees feel good about themselves. Decide what your intention for the call is. “Well. I need to make some 75 . I said. perhaps you could focus on your own actions and be more reassuring of yourself. focus on how you can make somebody else feel more comfortable and appreciated. I guarantee that person will leave thinking you’re a fabulous person! Joann came back two weeks later for another session and reported that she was feeling much more comfortable about networking. In fact. They think. “This prospect might yell at me or slam the phone down. instead of trying to get others to feel good about you. “I just go in with the intention of making someone there feel really good about him or herself. Instead of it being to make a sale. friend calls? What is your intention when making these calls?” Jeff replied. and I’ve actually gotten more business from the Chamber than ever before. I’m not even really thinking about how others are viewing me. “I’d have trouble making ‘cold calls’ too. I had a coaching client named Jeff who complained of not making enough cold calls.” The fastest way to overcome this is to get out of your prospect’s head and into your own. Many professionals suffer from phone shyness because of the five universal fears mentioned above. it’s been much more enjoyable. just because it’s a kind thing to do. “Instead of imagining that others are thinking poorly of you. fuzzy.” Eliminate Phone Shyness How else might “mind reading” hold you back? Perhaps you find yourself putting off making phone calls or initial contacts at work. Brrrr.” When we take the pressure off of ourselves and stop worrying so much about what others think. When your goal is to validate another person. What if instead you made money calls or warm.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend were shy or uncomfortable in networking situations. it won’t matter so much anymore. My first recommendation was to change the language he used. perhaps you can make the call with the intention of making a friend. I’ve met a lot of really great people. Since I’ve been doing this. and I just don’t need that right now.

think about how you can serve the person on the other end of the telephone. You do not have to be perfect. instead of committing to one choice. You will know that you are worthy of experiencing a beautiful life. you can’t be turned down when you’re not selling anything. And if you make the wrong choice? My advice is WHO CARES if you make the wrong decision? Learn from it and make another one! When you decide that “others” no longer have the power to make you feel rejected or abandoned.” Jeff liked the new concept and put it to use. In this way you take the pressure off yourself and eliminate the fear of being rejected. . and instead think of how you can help this person make better decisions.Get Out of Your Way! sales. you freeze up for fear of making the “wrong” choice. but I hate being a salesman. Over time you will embrace these new beliefs that you are developing about yourself and others with a sense of certainty. I just want to help people make the best decision possible with their money. and that will always be enough. what would have to happen in order for you to do this?” He replied. You just have to be you. he had made more appointments to “get to know” people than he had in the previous three months. use all the information that you have available and take your best shot. Each day you take action toward what you really want.” “Great!” I said. “Why don’t you make that your intention? Forget about selling to someone.” I said. Jeff. . you become indecisive. and every day you will get closer to having it. After all. “The next time you make a get-to-knowsomeone call. Then. Review: Neutralizing Fear in Seconds! Fear of . the fears will vanish! And this is the key to your mental and emotional freedom. which will no longer be happening! Often when fearing what others may think. Within two weeks. Rejection: Others can only reject you if you reject yourself. 76 . But ultimately the choice will be yours. Instead of delaying a decision. “I’d have to get to know them first to make sure that I could actually help. If you can get feedback from others. great.

1975.” That comment made me feel really good. in an attempt to avoid rejection or seek approval. But the world doesn’t need a bunch of copycats or butt-kissers.Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend So often. I am a big fan of Tony Robbins. What this world really needs is a great Tim Shurr. you will be okay. Now life is much more enjoyable. we try to “fit in” or become like everyone else.) “If you knew who walked beside you every step of the way.” As long as you decide to always be there for yourself and keep a strong relationship with your Creator. “I spent so much time trying to be somebody. you would never be afraid. The world needs a variety of people with unique talents and skills. the more you will be able to remember that no matter what happens in your life. “The world doesn’t need another Tony Robbins. Let this idea resonate deep within your soul. Your Creator is with you at all times.” Joe Morris Abandonment: One of my favorite quotes comes from A Course in Miracles (Schuchman. 77 . good riddance. to shine. imagine standing on a high mountain soaking in the light! Let it remind you that you are a part of something bigger than yourself. they will never be you. They already have one. Another kid drops his lunch tray and takes a bow. If someone leaves you. “If you knew who walked beside you every step of the way. you would never be afraid.” Meditate on this thought. Nor should you want to be someone else. and believe that it’s absolutely true. The next time you’re feeling down or fearful. and I used to imagine what it would be like to be him. and to live your life on your terms. The more faith you can conjure during your times of weakness. and I haven’t wanted to be anyone else since. and no matter how hard someone might try. Foundation For Inner Peace. The world doesn’t need a bunch of Tim Shurrs either. en it hit me. Humiliation/Embarrassment: One kid drops his lunch tray and runs out of the room. But the world does need you. you’ll never be alone again. I mentioned this to a friend once. and he said. You will continue to thrive. I already am somebody. the best version of you that you can become. People who are good for you will stay.

right? He said. you just turn around and make another choice. Then he looked at me and said.” “After you did all that. she hated doing live performances. “Yes. Getting lost gave you feedback on where not to turn. and so were their outcomes. “I’m afraid to take action and make decisions because I might fail. Failure: There’s no failure. “I could lose my business. I’d probably go out and get loaded.!) If you’re driving and you get lost. “I guess I have to live here now”? No.Get Out of Your Way! The second kid chose not to make mountains out of molehills. so you are trying to protect yourself from failing by doing things that will make you fail?” He laughed and said. “Then what would you do?” I asked. then what would happen?” I asked.” Then I said. do you throw the car in park and say. Sometimes you might even ask for directions. however. “Well. I could lose my accounts. “Well. Eventually you will arrive at your destination because you keep moving toward it. “Then I’d stop feeling 78 .” I replied. He paused for a long moment as if really imagining this happening. Everything in life is simply feedback. “Let’s examine this further. A businessman named John asked me to help him overcome his intense fear of failure. “Okay.” “What would happen if you did fail?” John replied. “I never thought about it in that way before. What will you choose? I read a story about two equally good entertainers who had very different viewpoints about going out on stage.” “Then what?” I asked. “I love that rush of excitement and nervousness that I get right before running out on stage. “If you don’t take action. “What if I go out there and forget the lyrics?” As a result. their interpretations of it were quite different. The other performer said. He replied. John. which made her feel panicky and shut down. it’ll stick.” I said. It gives me the energy and the juice to go out there a put on a killer show!” These two entertainers experienced the same chemical rush. only feedback! (If I say that often enough. Then I’d be pretty angry and maybe a little depressed. One felt the adrenaline coarse through her veins.” he said. you definitely will fail. I suppose.

Perhaps others in your life have said you are foolish or unworthy of having what you want. You need to become your very best anyway! You can create an amazing life in spite of the critics in your life.” “You can’t do that! Who do you think you are?” Your parents or peers might always be held back by fear and selflimitation. you will realize that you’ve always been enough. If you knew the miracles that take place within the human body to create life. The only reason we want others to like us is so that we can then like ourselves more. God doesn’t make junk. Therefore. play it out in your mind and then say to yourself. I’m a lot smarter than I was the first time around. When you stop chasing others’ approval or validation. and he made you! If someone in your life has a problem with that. Plus. you won’t be either. you don’t have to any longer! When others are held back by fear. If you have a fear of something happening. I did it once. life will change for the better. they will project those limitations onto those around them.” This realization was a real breakthrough for John. and begin chasing your own. The moment you do this. I’ll get it right the next time!” Not Good Enough (Unworthiness): Not good enough according to whom? Your Creator thinks you’re enough. not yours. it’s their problem. it’s time to reach beyond what you thought you were 79 .Chapter 8 Making Fear Your Friend sorry for myself and start building my business up again. “So what if I fail. He was so afraid of failing that he had boxed himself into a corner. But now he realized that even if everything he feared did come true. I recommend cutting out the middle person by freely giving validation and approval to yourself right now. It’s through divinity that you arrived here on Earth. I can do it again. The only limits you have are the ones you give yourself. you’d be amazed that any of us actually make the journey. Hopefully you’re not buying into that crap! Even if you accepted this in the past. “If I’m not good enough. he still had the power to come back even stronger. You’re too powerful and brilliant to be held back. which isn’t really necessary.

and begin chasing your own (or God’s). Remember the Law of Attraction! What you repeatedly focus on with emotional intensity gets drawn into your life. which isn’t really necessary. you’ll most likely get it! By staying the course.Get Out of Your Way! capable of and mature into a world-class individual. instead of making mountains out of molehills.TimShurr. visit www. you’ll also feel a deeper sense of love and connection with yourself because you were able to overcome the voice of fear that hides within us all. remind yourself that life has a way of working out and as long as you keep your eyes locked on what you want. and I’m not asking you to live in denial of this. Stay the Course Yes. Become the person you respect the most! e only reason we want others to like us is so that we can then like ourselves more. bad things happen. When you stop chasing others’ approval or validation. life will change for the better. You’ll be sleeping like a baby the first time you listen to it! 80 .com and download a copy of my audio program Sound Sleep. Therefore. This will leave you feeling reassured. try redirecting your attention toward what you want and allow God to work out the details. If insomnia has become a real problem for you. and you’ll be able to sleep. I am asking you to avoid focusing on it. Thus. the next time you find yourself lying awake at night worrying about the future.

overwhelmed. At times God laughs. God smiles and gives his blessings. You jump off the cloud and descend toward this person. You ask God why. Whatever you were thinking about prior to this story suddenly took backseat to what I provided you in the moment. Pattern interrupts are designed to snap you out of a conditioned response. You can’t believe your eyes when you stare into the face of this person and discover it’s you. Finally you come toe-to-toe. God replies. hether you saw the ending to this story coming or not. You decide to float down to Earth and help this person tap their full potential.Chapter Nine :#%8$36"$P+@<"??$$$$$$$$$$$$ +<@$3+R"$1%<#)%9 magine sitting on a cloud up in heaven. you find yourself focusing on one particular person. You and God are hanging out watching the people down on Earth. If an object is moving in one direction. it will continue to move in that direction unless an equal or greater force intervenes. confused. yet keeps acting stuck. Suddenly your entire body stiffens. Other times he smiles. and afraid. This person has so much potential and ability. Thus you decide to intervene. All this person has to do is ask. it captured your full attention. After a while. take action. and believe. intend. “I instilled within that person everything needed to create an abundant and enjoyable life.” You can’t stand watching this person suffer when their ability to make their life extraordinary is so evident. This is an example of a pattern interrupt. And occasionally he shakes his head and sighs at how his children treat themselves and others. 81 I W .

when you want to stop feeling a certain way. productive ones. Suddenly my two-year-old son climbed onto the couch I was lying on. I haven’t tried it yet with my clients. That’s right! My boy cut the cheese on my forehead. When your mind gets caught up in a stream of ideas that send you in an unproductive direction. you couldn’t remember what you were talking about? That random question completely derailed your train of thought. anxious. and just that fast I was laughing hysterically.Get Out of Your Way! Pattern interrupts redirect your attention away from unuseful or destructive thoughts. It’s from this state that you remind yourself “It’s time to focus on what I can do to feel better now. feelings. but I’m pretty sure it’ll work! Having a good laugh allows you to access a resourceful mental state. but I do know it was quite an effective pattern interrupt.” 82 . Without thinking. That’s precisely what a pattern interrupt is designed to do. sat on my head. purposefully interrupting or confusing it can prove very useful. Therefore. Humor can be used as an excellent pattern interrupt. especially when you are feeling depressed. my wife and I burst into laughter. and farted. do something that interrupts or redirects your current flow of attention. or behaviors and toward more useful. Have you ever been arguing with someone and something funny happened or was said? Didn’t it instantly diffuse the situation? My wife and I were engaged in a passionate debate (arguing) about something and it was getting heated. Have you ever been conversing with a friend and in mid sentence someone asked you a random question that had nothing to do with your present conversation? Then when you turned back to the discussion. or angry. I’m not sure if it was the tension breaker I needed or my son’s timing. Moments earlier I was fuming.

You can stop a self-destructive pattern of behavior in yourself and others by doing something so unexpected it causes you to become confused or head in the opposite direction. you will need a mirror.” Would you like a piece of chocolate right now? Sure.%<$/G")A. like when my son tooted on me. so eventually the desire for chocolate will return. This works even better when you’re out in public! 83 . It will instantly put you in a good mood. Take a deep breath and then flash the biggest. Typically pattern interrupts are not permanent. Okay. even when you knew it was time to stop? You already know how useful humor is. I can almost hear you moaning.$L+M%).” We interrupted your desire for chocolate by changing the way you thought and felt about it. Do you still want that piece of chocolate? How about if we wiped the bird poop off the chocolate? You’re still probably thinking “No thanks.Chapter 9 Stop the Madness and Take Control! One reason why pattern interrupts work so well is because you end up experiencing two opposing emotional states simultaneously. Most think “yum. Continue with this exercise and follow my instructions without analysis. they do provide enough time for you to make a decision that will positively affect you over time. Here’s an example of a pattern interrupt for dieters. especially under pressure.#"$7+##")<$0<#"))(8# The following is a pattern interrupt I use on a regular basis. and it’s the fastest way to get someone else feeling good too! To pull this off correctly. and this is an excellent technique for getting you to lighten up. Come on! Smile bigger! CHEEESE! Even bigger! SMILE and hold it for ten seconds! Great! How do you feel? Did you start laughing? When the ten seconds were up. which cancels each other out and leaves you feeling neutral. Just go find a mirror! Any size will do. I’m trusting that you have located a mirror. Yet. 3)+<?&%)F+#. Now imagine that piece of sweet chocolate being splattered in bird poop. Think of a sweet piece of chocolate.?"H P. cheesiest smile you can muster at your mirror! Do this now! You should be able to see every tooth in your head. did you find yourself still smiling.

shall we? ! Did you do it? If so. It’s hilarious! I’ve flashed my big cheesy smile to people who looked like they could turn you to stone with one glance. I don’t want to think about all the money it cost me because I didn’t listen to her. “My wife has been telling me to smile for years. that’s half the fun! ! Smiling is a fantastic pattern interrupt because it floods your bloodstream with endorphins. When I do. I will be asking you. If someone sees you. If you can’t follow through on a task as simple as smiling. the odds of you getting anything you really want in life are slim. his revenue immediately increased by 30 percent! People respected his abilities. requiring you. but they also wanted a personal connection. flash the biggest smile you have to someone. and it can even make you wealthier! I had a client who was a genius in the field of finance. yet if you do not apply them. Later my client said. It took me two weeks to convince him to smile more when working with prospects and clients. even better! Also. If it seems like I keep harping on this point. You must give to receive. In most cases. your body’s natural morphine. When he finally implemented this one piece of advice. Yes. yet he never smiled. and you will only get back what you put forth. they’re worthless! 84 . which is hard to feel when you won’t even smile. to smile. it will cause the person to smile back at you in the same way.Get Out of Your Way! The next time you’re driving around town or walking down the street. I can give you all the strategies and insights in the world. it will be your cue to SMILE BIG! Let’s practice once more together. They’d start smiling back or say hello because I interrupted that person’s stress pattern. but heck. some people will think you’re a freak. You instantly get a thousand-dollar dose of feel-good medicine absolutely free every time you smile and hold it (for at least five seconds). whenever you see this symbol !. and their whole demeanor changed. your mission is to SMILE as BIG as you possibly can. great! Thanks for following through. The main reason certain people are successful is because they follow through.” Throughout the remainder of this book. it’s because I am. Smiling feels good. it’s good for you.

“Repetition is the mother of all skills!” Ready. . When you need a good pattern interrupt. ! 85 . SMILE and hold it for ten seconds! ! Fantastic! Take the time now to plan for the next time you need a pattern interrupt. use one.Chapter 9 Stop the Madness and Take Control! Even though I’m sure you are following through. Write down Web URLs where you can quickly locate your favorite pattern interrupts. let’s practice this simple pattern interrupt once more. . Go online and search “funny animal photos” or a similar topic that you know will give you a chuckle. In your notebook .

Get Out of Your Way! 86 .

it wouldn’t matter if your name was Michelangelo and you just painted the Sistine Chapel. Perfectionists tend to have had one (or two) overly critical parents growing up who critiqued. But here’s what’s really going on. “It’s just too big. Going beyond that to get it “perfect” could eventually land you in the hospital. You’ve done well. That critical parent would have said.” Most perfectionists don’t accomplish much as a result of this. You should have made the pictures smaller. 87 I’d like to make a distinction between getting something right and . Perfectionists have a motto: “If it’s not done perfect. and they suffer from the fear of not being good enough. or constantly made fun of their efforts.” Getting something right means it’s good enough. it still isn’t good enough in the eyes of the people (usually parents) who conditioned the perfectionist to act in this manner in the first place. now my neck hurts from looking up!” You can’t please people like this because they are not please-able. Besides. or of screwing up and disappointing others. They are afraid of being judged. That’s why they strive to be perfect. Doing your best is admirable. rejected. even when things are done perfectly.<=$+<@$C".<=$7")&"A#$ 0?$C%). Unfortunately for those who had parents like this.$C". Sadly. I’m not going to do it at all. Perfectionists have tremendous fear of scrutiny. Being a perfectionist is a form of self-sabotage.#+9 getting it “perfect.<=$$ '%()?"9&$0?$Y.Chapter Ten *6.

” She shifted uncomfortably in the chair. I hypnotized Charlene and regressed her back to the original situation or event that seemed to be most responsible for this behavior. “I think it’s because no matter how good the house looked. Charlene came to me because she wasn’t able to clean her home. critical comments that weren’t meant to be mean or painful can still be misinterpreted and absorbed unconsciously as a child. you soaked them right up. I said. Even if you had good parents who really tried to do the best they could with what they knew.” 88 . literally. You wouldn’t even know that anyone lived here. Behind almost every problematic behavior or emotional disorder. In fact. My mother always referred to our house as a pigsty. you can find some type of negative belief that was intentionally or unintentionally installed by a parent. and because you were an impressionable young kid. Behind almost every problematic behavior or emotional disorder. it’s about how they feel about themselves and their own inadequacies. she was an incredibly organized person who had no problem helping others clean and organize their residences. It wasn’t that she couldn’t clean her house. She just froze and shut down when it came to cleaning her own.Get Out of Your Way! It’s not about you. “I’m in the living room and I’m watching my mother cry while she’s cleaning the house. and I was so confused by this. She immediately began describing a situation that had happened between her mother and her when she was nine years old. Our floors were so clean you could eat off of them. They projected their own fears and limitations onto you. My mother was always cleaning and the house looked perfect. it was never clean enough. a belief that still powerfully influences people’s lives as adults. “Why do you think your mind took us to this particular memory?” She replied. you can find some type of negative belief that was intentionally or unintentionally installed by a parent.

” she said. she was good enough. No matter what she did. But from what you just read. If I eat one cookie. It is this discovery that always leads to the greatest breakthroughs in people’s lives. spotless home becomes a metaphor or reflection of the person. my mother would say ‘It’s not good enough’ and then she’d rewash the floor!” “Why do you think your mother acted in this way?” I asked. But that never happened. The good news is that we were able to transform those fears using the very techniques you’ve been learning. my mom stopped cleaning. Now Charlene was paralyzed by the fear of not being able to get her home clean enough even if it was “perfect. Common examples of this are: If I can’t walk for thirty minutes today. If I washed the floor. “If the house is dirty. How her mother acted had nothing to do with Charlene. But as a child she believed it did.” Charlene attributed her excellent organizational skills to her mother.” This is an irrational cause-effect idea. This is another example of learned helplessness.” So she didn’t even try.Chapter 10 Why Being Perfect Is Boring and Being Yourself Is Vital I said. it was never good enough in their eyes. “But every time I cleaned something my mother would redo it. because she was able to re-parent herself and recognize that deep down inside. “My grandparents were really critical of my mom. The belief that if you can’t get everything done that you want to (or get it done perfectly) then you’re not going to do anything at all is a form of all-or-nothing thinking. Many perfectionists keep an immaculate home. I’m not going to exercise at all. Charlene was able to clean her home and feel that it was finally good enough. If you saw her house now it really does look like a pigsty. but we are not dealing with logic or rationality here. and when my grandparents finally died. it means that I am dirty. We are dealing with emotions and unconscious beliefs that shape people’s views of themselves. The tidy.” “Did your mother require you to clean the house?” “Oh yes. it’s obvious why she would be so conflicted about cleaning her own home. 89 . “I’m sure it was very confusing for you to look at a house that was immaculate and hear your mother call it a pigsty. I guess my mom just wanted her parents’ approval and thought that if her house were perfect then her parents would love her.

-thinking down the family tree! 90 . then she isn’t worthy of existing.Get Out of Your Way! I’ve blown my diet. Nothing is ever good enough. and she’s supporting a belief that if her home isn’t perfect. It was instilled in you. By the way. You are an amazing human being who is behaving like a perfectionist. Hopefully this will interrupt your self-sabotaging pattern of thinking! Then replace that thought with. in this chapter. So let’s stop passing B. One of the glasses falls off of the tray and breaks. here’s your way out of this limiting pattern. you’ll discover that you weren’t born thinking in this way.” Yet. Second. . . if you dig a little further. “To me. Besides. . First. I’ll do a little. according to whom?” According to my mother. “Why do you give a crap what she thinks?” You don’t have to live up to your mother’s standards. . you are not a perfectionist. “My home has to look perfect .S. why try to be more like your mother when she’s not happy? Remember my mottos: “Don’t learn how to become rich from poor people” and “Don’t learn how to be happy from those who are not. “If I can’t do a lot. You’re not a child anymore. I’m describing you. add the words “according to whom?” after the idea that something has to be done perfectly. so I might as well eat the whole bag! I’m already ten minutes late. I can always do something!” If. Imagine carrying a tray of glasses. think about dumping over an entire tray of glasses. What should you do? Set the tray down and clean up the glass? Or should you dump the rest of the glasses onto the floor? “I broke one. I might as well smash them all!” The next time you catch yourself playing the all-or-nothing game. My house could be spotless and she would come over and make some kind of demeaning comment about it.” Your mother has her own issues. “The house has to look perfect . your mom wasn’t born thinking in that way either. according to whom?” You might reply reflexively. Always separate the person from the behavior. so who cares if I even go? Pattern Interrupts to Halt Perfectionist Thinking The fastest way to interrupt this type of faulty thinking is with a quick analogy.” Here’s the next question to ask yourself.

you’re just not qualified for that position. It is often in our greatest moments of frustration that we suddenly stumble upon the insight that leads us to our greatest personal discoveries.” Trust that God will deliver what you need. My mentor believes strongly in developing your faith. trust that there is a reason for it. and God will do his. The universe is intelligent.Chapter 10 Why Being Perfect Is Boring and Being Yourself Is Vital People who succeed refuse to let their circumstances. And frankly. You do your part. a power higher than yourself. “Some people question that there is a God. or past decide their fate. Keep pressing forward no matter what. and be thankful for the opportunity to learn and grow. and you will eventually get through anything! Being perfect isn’t everything. what you want will move toward you. There are no accidents. It can be quite a relief when you cast aside self-doubt. and you are living in a magical world that is constantly being co-created by you and God. because you realize that everything happens for a reason. You don’t always have to know exactly how something will work out. environments. He once said. Generating a stronger faith in God is all part of the process. If you do not immediately get what you want. As you continue to clarify what you really want and why you want it. There are no coincidences. Being yourself is! 91 . when you need it. then that makes you the God in your life. Relinquish that fearful state of having to control everything by trusting that when you begin to move toward what you want. If you do not believe that there is a God. you’ll then discover ways of getting it without feeling the need to be “perfect. because it doesn’t usually happen in the way you expect anyway. yet to go backward only moves you farther from the pleasure you really desire.” It can be tempting to retreat to old habits and behaviors when life becomes challenging.

Get Out of Your Way! 92 .

One voice that roots you on and the other that bullies and frightens you. which is likely what’s already happened. And when this happens.” ~ “What you think about comes about. you’ll find yourself focused on all the things that are wrong with your life. your mission is to strengthen the angelic voice by paying attention to and supporting it.Chapter Eleven B%K$#%$:#%8$:"9&I :+S%#+="$.<$0#?$3)+AR? Who’s Sitting on Your Shoulder? ou’ve probably had the experience of feeling like there are two of you in that head of yours. Y “Where your attention goes energy flows. Some describe this as having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. “Great job” and the devil says “You got lucky this time.” 93 . So your focus must always be on the solution to those challenges and not the challenges themselves. skeptical. Giving attention to your problems only attracts more of them. The angel says. pessimistic voice will take over. that fearful. even if at first you don’t believe in what it says.” Which voice becomes loudest and most believable? The one you focus on the most! Thus. Otherwise.

rather than use it to reach your goals. it buries you in feelings of unworthiness.” and this is the real reason they haven’t changed. Because every day is chaotic and busy. Thus. Depression occurs when you become certain that your past was limited and painful and therefore your future will be too. It’s easy to tell when you’re off course because you’ll manage life in a state of crisis rather than with passion and persistence. and that notion is unequivocally false! The battle cry of someone who’s fallen into this trap is: “No matter what I do. You desire a higher quality of life. if you let the fearful inner critic take charge. overwhelm. It tricks you into thinking you’re a victim. Instead of using frustration as a motivator for change. For most. which generates unbelievable amounts of suffering and misery. Additionally. the goal is to get through the day. sadly. it’s easy to get caught up in the challenges that continually occur. I’ve done everything and nothing ever works!” People who support this type of thinking resist taking consistent positive action because they believe “it won’t matter anyway. because this devil on your shoulder tricks you into thinking you’re a victim of your own life. and procrastination. you’re going to have to rise up to the occasion despite your current situation or environment. it’ll only make them seem worse. Instead of 94 . the kind that keeps you up at night worrying about the future! This is the most common cycle of self-sabotage. A sense of helplessness and hopelessness are the major causes of depression.Get Out of Your Way! Self-sabotage: The Trap If you constantly review all the things that are wrong or bad about you or your circumstances. it will convince you there is nothing you can do about the situation. If you let the fearful inner critic take charge. it’s never good enough. it will convince you there is nothing you can do about the situation. Depression occurs when you become certain that your past was limited and painful and therefore your future will be too.

What you identify. here’s how to break free: refocus your attention onto what your priorities are. “I feel so lost because every day feels exactly the same. versus what you don’t want. Even if bad things happen to you. In case you think your situation is too much for anyone to cope with. I recommend reading the story of Viktor Frankl. you attract. only volunteers.Chapter 11 How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks actively striving to reach your goals. “I want to stop procrastinating. if you were to say. listen to the empowering angel on your other shoulder). 2002). you’ll spend time “putting out fires” or making up excuses for not following through. a Jewish psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz: A Man’s Search for Meaning (Perseus. One client said. If you continue to identify what you don’t want. what you want. you must stand your ground and remember that pain is inevitable. is so vitally important. How you handle obstacles reveals what you really think about yourself and others. and the outcome(s) you desire (in other words. but suffering is optional! It’s not what happens but how you interpret what has happened that makes you a victim or a victor. Both are voluntary states of mind. In life there are no victims. I can’t seem to stop procrastinating and I don’t know what’s wrong with me? Can you please help me stop procrastinating?” All you’ll be able to do 95 . For instance. place your attention onto what you can do about it! This is why knowing what you want. Instead of focusing on where you’re at and what hasn’t worked. that’s what you will continue to attract. It’s like I’m going through the motions of living. Life is happening around me but I’m not participating in it!” If you’re currently in the middle of this self-defeating pattern (and listening to the sabotaging devil on your shoulder).

if I catch myself slipping into that old. Feel this beautiful light surround you as it lights up the sky. and events to make it so!” How to Stop a Pity Party Nowadays. Feel this energy transform into a radiant light that fills your body and then exits the top of your head and extends out into the universe.%<$/G")A. notice (with your new level of awareness) what word(s) you keep hearing the most. In your notebook . Then visualize yourself climbing on top of that stone. 3)+<?&%)F+#. (Look at the cover of this book. Send me the people. I quickly do the following.?"H /9. conjure up an image of your stone with your new empowering beliefs carved into it. emphasize what you really want. “Here I am! My time is now. moving with power through your body. I have the power. . It’s as though you are sending out a new message to the universe that says. Instead.Get Out of Your Way! is procrastinate because that’s really what you’re focused on. reword your Power Question number four answers so that you repeat the word(s) you want your unconscious to focus on. Read your answers to number four out loud.<+#"$:"9&I:+S%#+=" For just a moment. situations. sabotaging pattern of feeling sorry for myself (the self-sabotaging devil on your shoulder tells you there’s nothing you can do to overcome your circumstances). It’s like a giant mountain that you stand upon with your hands extended in the air in the sign of victory.) Now imagine these new beliefs surging up through the rock and entering the soles of your feet. and entering your magnificent brain. This is want I want. and for each answer. Go back and reread what you wrote in your notebook for chapter one Power Question number four: What would you rather believe instead? (What is the opposite of this old belief?) Do this to see what you wrote to change your original self-limiting belief. . Please join me in this pity-party escape! 96 . If you need to.F.

you’ll find that no matter what you are able to accomplish. and that means believing in yourself. You may still have wants and desires. but your life will also be enjoyable right now because you’re loving and supportive of yourself regardless of your circumstances. We struggle so much and get let down so many times it’s easy to think self-sabotaging thoughts like “My dreams are never going to happen” or “I’m just fooling myself. honor. you’ve got to start treating yourself like you would a dear. 2004) said. If you don’t take this good advice. Your environment and circumstances can change. You have to love yourself right now. “What the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve. BE the Angel on Your Shoulder Even if you have to fake it until you make it. your life will be transformed. author of the classic book Think and Grow Rich (Aventine Press. support. and your inner security will continually be influenced by what what’s currently happening in your life. When you accomplish this.Chapter 11 How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks Place the back of your right hand against your forehead while extending your left hand out. wimpiest voice you can muster.” This is true. but the love and respect you hold for yourself must never waiver. It’s a highly effective tool for stopping cycles of behavior that cause pain in your life. the dream becomes reality. you will still feel empty inside. but you have to believe it. Your goal is to love. regardless of what’s happening in your life! Inner security comes from loving and accepting yourself for who you are right now.” But for those who persist and continue to believe in themselves. Look up and exclaim in the loudest. beloved friend. “Poor me! I’m such a loser!” Do this now and get yourself laughing at how silly you are being! Did you put your hands out and repeat the phrase? Make sure you do so before reading on! This exercise is another kind of pattern interrupt. and encourage yourself when times are good and especially when times are bad. and that reality is often better 97 . Napoleon Hill.

ShurrSuccess. For more information and practical strategies for transforming your inner critic and creating a powerful success-oriented attitude beyond the strategies in this book.com. read The Power of Optimism! Strategies for Silencing Your Inner Critic! Available at www. We’ll discover them next together. Your dreams are waiting for you. 98 .Get Out of Your Way! than you’d hoped for.

I’ve met men who felt they were wealthy. it’s best to keep your desires front and center. but it doesn’t make you wealthy. It’s good to be rooted in reality. and to many of my “wealthy” friends. and 2) how will you know when you are a success? Success means something different to everyone. to create something new. connection. I admire these men and strive to be “lovely” like them. and I felt they were too. In other words. I’d go to networking events and introduce myself to successful people or attend events that other likeminded individuals attended. however. lovely friends. ask yourself 1) what being successful means to you. or a feeling of significance and growth equals an unhappy person with lots of cash. and they were lovely people.S9"$L%)$'%($ 3%$*.Chapter Twelve '"?$0#Z?$7%??.<$36"$!+F" What Do You Really Want? ince you attract what you hold constant in your mind.000 a year. albeit with a bit more cash flow. you must first imagine what is not yet real. So does being wealthy. Yet they lived within their means. They weren’t millionaires or even hundredthousandaires. who made $50. lovely families. it means having balance and abundance in all areas of your life. I’d drive through fancy neighborhoods or test drive expensive cars. Having a million dollars in the bank is great. I’d act as if I was already a S 99 . What is your dream? If you want to feel successful. Having money without love. To me. Everything that is now was first somebody’s dream. had lovely homes. ! (<Did you remember to smile?) When I wanted to feel successful or wealthy.

I suggest shooting for the moon.” 2. you do know what you want but fear you’ll never get it. or travel to Paris. “I don’t know what I want. and then I became one. You have the power and the ability to create your dream life. I began treating myself as a successful person. How much free time? What would you do with that time? 1. The goals vary as much as people do. a beachfront property. be sure it’s so important to you that when you achieve it.” This is nice. so you think “why bother. for your life (why you want that dream or goal) helps you to feel like you’re on a mission. you’ll still land among the stars! Whatever it is you want. what drives you and why is it so exciting? Two things probably came to mind: You have a vague “big picture” of what you’d like. 100 . How much money do you actually need to be financially free? It’s less than you might think. but too vague to actually attain. just getting their home clean would be an amazing experience! Consider Your Core Values Pursuing your dream or goal (what you want) and having a vision. Everyone has something they secretly desire. become a black belt. it will have you dancing around for months! Can you describe your dream life? What gets your blood pumping when you think about it? When you fantasize about what your life could be like. Many aim too low in life because they are afraid of failing.” This is because you spend all your time focused on what you don’t want. because like attracts like. “I’d like financial freedom and more free time with my family. Or. or purpose. You can have what you want and it is okay to dream big. It’s time to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be. For some.Get Out of Your Way! success. Maybe you want to lose thirty pounds. If you miss. have better friends. That keeps you enthusiastic about getting out of bed in the morning. get that degree.

If your goals are in alignment with your values. You should be spending 80 percent of your time on activities that give you the greatest amount of return for your energy and effort! How do you get back on track? If you are wasting incredible amounts of time checking e-mail. Your mission is why you want it. You already know your dream or goal. putting out fires. Knowing what you want. and money pursuing. you will naturally feel motivated to achieve them. In your notebook . 101 . It’s Possible for You to Win the Game Your desires (why you want that dream or goal) are driven by your core values. Do this now. that is what you want. It is your inner motivation for achieving your dream or goal. Having these driving desires can also pull you through some of the toughest times. you can break free from this sabotage by developing a mission statement for your life and then basing your personal and work decisions on your mission. The 80/20 Rule Now that you know what you want. . Be sure to use the positive wording you want your unconscious mind to focus on. Choose a dream or goal where your beliefs and values are in alignment with your actions and behaviors. As specifically as possible. or doing the work of others. and keeping in mind your core values. how will you make your dream or goal happen? Many fall victim to the 80/20 Rule: You spend 80 percent of your time getting 20 percent done. and they give you the most pleasure in life. why you want it. . energy. Your core values determine what you are willing to spend the most time.Chapter 12 Yes. write down the dream(s) or goal(s) you want to achieve. and what needs to be done to have it is liberating because that gives you clarity.

challenge myself. Write your mission statement in your notebook. you need to answer them immediately before moving forward.%<$/G")A. 4. .Get Out of Your Way! 3)+<?&%)F+#. 102 . To define what your mission is. 1.” This is actually my mission statement. What brings you the most joy? 6. and to accomplish this. Here’s a sample mission statement. These questions are so important. or upset will help you to regain clarity about the decisions you’re currently making.%< Answering the following questions when you feel down.?A%M")$'%()$P. . Your mission statement should include what you want (your dream or goal) and why you want it (why your dream or goal is so important to you). we ask proactive questions. 3. Write down your answers to the following questions. In your notebook . “My mission is to enjoy each day. If you had lots of money and free time. What do you want the purpose of your life to be? How do you want to be remembered? What kind of contribution do you want to make while you’re here? If you have thirty seconds left to live. help others in positive and meaningful ways.??. review the main themes of your answers and reduce them into a simple summarization of how you’d like to live the remainder of your life. how would you spend it and why? After you have answered the above questions for yourself. I have it printed out and hanging over my computer monitor as a constant reminder of how to spend my time. Everything else will be based upon the answers you give. Take the time to do this now. stuck. and create abundance so I can share it with those in need. 2. be lovingly connected with my family.. what would you tell your children are the most important things about life? 5.?"H .

It’s Possible for You to Win the Game Your mission statement should include what you want (your dream or goal) and why you want it (why your dream or goal is so important to you). ! 103 . I take action by becoming more conscious of how I’m communicating with myself in the moment and then readjusting my focus. When feeling rushed or overwhelmed.Chapter 12 Yes. From there I adjust my decisions and then act accordingly. The process itself is simple. Now that you have clarified what you want and why you want it. Remembering to follow through on the process under pressure is where it gets challenging. I remind myself of my mission and then take action to get back on track. we will spend the remainder of this book on exercises that will empower you with the self-confidence and psychological resources necessary for following through until you are ultimately successful.

Get Out of Your Way! 104 .

Even if you take action for no purpose other than to make yourself feel better. which is a good reason. You must get off your butt. the more time. the next step is to take action toward getting what you want. Inaction can make you feel powerless. the end result will be positive. energy. you have to move toward what you want. you would never get there just by sitting on your couch visualizing yourself there. Just thinking your way to success will never work. the better results you will get. or procrastinate.[$'%(ZM"$ 2. If your goal were to get to the end of your driveway. you want your situation to 105 Once you 1) update your beliefs. I tell them. Even if you miss a lot.)" Hit the Ground Running hold constant in your mind the image for how you wish your life to be.F"@[$5%K$L. . and money you will waste!” Wondering what-if is great . Taking action can immediately make you feel empowered.Chapter Thirteen '%(Z)"$N"+@. on the other hand. Aiming is good. at least you’re firing off a couple of rounds! I train my coaching clients to do this right from the beginning. put one foot in front of the other. if you want your life to remain the same or get worse. and move. 2) rewrite your history. but sometimes what you really need is to pull the trigger. question it. and 3) . Whether it’s one small step at a time or an all-out charge. If. . Sometimes the best way to get results is by picking a direction and then taking action. The more you analyze what I say. “The more quickly you take action on what I teach you.

if you set a frog in cold water and steadily increase the temperature. Yet. “My new goals are a must! I’m not going to try any longer. Brian offers lots of great advice for getting and staying motivated. the frog will immediately jump out. nor am I going to hope it works. Eventually I learned to immediately jump in before I had time to think about it so that I could get used to the cold water faster! It created a new realization in my brain: The faster I jump in. Taking action can instantly make you feel empowered. Just jump in and make a splash. 2002). The longer you stare at the frog. Allowing your mind to distract you will only make matters worse. your mind can still act like a distracted toddler at times. If you had to eat a frog. you’ve got to take a leap of faith. Instead. and I am ready for it!” 106 . Every day at practice I knew the water would be freezing. the worse it will be. I was on the swim team throughout high school. Some people cook in their stressful lives until it eventually claims them. You will be different. I’m going to make it happen! I will persist until I succeed. No testing the water. and that you’re not putting up with it any longer! As you repeatedly do this. so no matter what life throws your way. a good book on jumping comes from Brian Tracy. and I will succeed if I persist long enough! There is no other option but success. It’s called Eat That Frog!” (Berrett-Koehler. that frog will sit there and cook. You’re worth more than that. realize that excuses and justifications are creating pain in your life. The longer I delayed jumping in. just keep jumping and you’ll succeed! By the way. the best thing to do is shove it into your mouth and swallow. the colder the water seemed to be. I highly recommend the book. Even when your beliefs are positive and well-intentioned. the quicker I’ll feel better! Zig Ziglar once said that if you throw a frog into a pan of boiling water. This is when you need to stand in your power.Get Out of Your Way! greatly improve. your unconscious will get the message and begin doing it for you! When that happens. it’s a whole new ballgame! Take action now! You want your unconscious mind thinking.

not taking action is still an action. You’re the boss of yourself! You’re in charge of your mind! And you’re taking charge now! There’s a new sheriff in town. Doing so will keep you empowered. People who feel helpless are still trying to pass the buck as though it’s some invisible force that’s keeping them from stepping up.” Zig Ziglar Beware of Doing Too Much Too Fast A huge mistake that I and many of my achiever-type clients make is being in a hurry to accomplish as many goals and tasks as humanly possible thinking that it’s going to get you to the ultimate goal faster. and it’s you. Be responsible for your choices. Which is it going to be?” Put yourself on the spot and make yourself accountable for the actions you take. you would do even better to set a starting date and hold yourself to it. “I either will or will not take this action. 107 . Even if you choose not to take action toward a goal immediately. Now Fire! “I will persist until I succeed.” you can be pretty sure that they aren’t serious about making it happen. They are just pacifying you. and I will succeed if I persist long enough!” ~ Triumph is made up of one part “tri” and nine parts “umph!” When people use words like “try” and “hope.” and you’re not tolerating that from yourself any longer. but that’s not what they’re built for. even when you’ve already proven yourself a hundred times over. at least you can feel good about making the decision that you will. Actually what it does is burn you out and leave you feeling as though nothing you attain is ever enough.Chapter 13 You’re Ready. It’s their “justification of the day. baby! “Boats are safe in the harbor. You’ve Aimed. If you catch yourself saying these words. immediately correct yourself by saying. Remember. It’s like being on an endless pursuit to prove yourself. or themselves.

and I’m not in a hurry to get there! Living life in the fast lane gets you to the end quicker! I see this pattern running rampant in big organizations and small businesses alike.” Have you ever had a day where you worked your butt off but felt that nothing was accomplished? That’s a frustrating feeling. Sticking to the tomato analogy. Jr. positively affects those around you. and things will go much smoother for you. and energy. Experience teaches when to take action and when to be motivated to take a break. time. and makes your final destination that much sweeter. you’ll be disappointed. Jackson Brown. 108 . It’s not the final destination that counts. with time you learn to swim after the wave you want and really enjoy riding it.” H. Some things take time to grow. and learning from each. and it’s usually a sign that you need to “float” for a while until you are clear again about what’s most important. even when nothing seems to be happening on the surface. A young surfer in California once told me that life is a lot like surfing. If you plant a tomato seed and then check the next day expecting a tomato. It’s just as beautiful floating around waiting for the next wave to ride. “Dude. you will eventually be rewarded with a juicy. There’s a time for action and a time to allow your actions to take effect.Get Out of Your Way! “No one was born wise. Businesspeople scramble all day trying to force their success. I’m an absolute believer in hard work and charging forward. the only destination that’s final is death. This will take the pressure off. you won’t be in such a rush to get where you’re going. an entire root system is forming within the dirt. Once you learn to enjoy the process. Besides. It’s the journey you take getting there that shapes your character. It comes from making more good choices more than bad choices. ripe tomato. With persistence. yet I’ve also learned to go with the flow.

As Art Leidecker. then go downstairs and take all the laundry off of it.Chapter 13 You’re Ready. eventually you’ll get there! If you set a goal to exercise for ten minutes each day starting tomorrow morning. make your best choice at the time. Now Fire! Distractions: Challenges to Triumph Over Think of distractions as life’s way of testing you to see if you will stick to your original plan or become sidetracked. Be a Thoroughbred. You’ve Aimed. You might not be able to see more than ten feet ahead of you. he will show you the way. If you’re going to get on the treadmill. and correct on the fly. Man creates the plan. “Never leave the sight of setting a goal without first taking some form of positive action toward its attainment. It’s impossible to know. When you put forth your plan with sincerity in your heart and tenacity in your step. set the alarm and place your gym shoes next to the bed.” Tony Robbins 109 . a successful businessman. once said. You can drive all the way from New York to Los Angeles in thick fog and still arrive safely.” In other words. It’s as if God is saying. as you begin taking action. Do something that reinforces your commitment to following through right away! Take action now. “How bad do you really want this?” If he sees you are sincere and willing to persist even when it gets difficult. “Just get started. but if you keep the car moving and watch for the signs that guide you. God provides the opportunity each step of the way. run with blinders on. God provides the steps. the next couple of steps will present themselves on cue. Run with Blinders On Don’t concern yourself with having to know what every single step will be until you reach your goal.

He kept marching forward anyway and became one of the greatest presidents 110 . His name? Abraham Lincoln. or a parent ends up in the hospital. There was once a man who had many reasons to give up his dream. He ran for vice president in ’56 and was defeated. he was defeated. you have likely only attempted a few things that resembled the same approach. The deciding factors between whether you will get what you want or not is how well you are able to apply and persist. In fact. People consistently overestimate how much effort and energy they put into tasks. vacation. but he was defeated for congress in ’48. and was defeated. He failed at business at age thirty-one. but his sweetheart died at thirtyfive. He ran for legislature at thirty-two. He then ran for congress in 1843 and was defeated again. it won’t matter! Research studies have confirmed that people give themselves much more credit than they deserve. He ran for senate in 1850. He ran for senate in ’58 and was defeated. But he didn’t let that stop him. “I’ve tried everything to achieve this goal. your goals remain the same. In 1860 he ran for president of the United States. It’s following through in spite of life’s distractions that mold you into the person you wish to become. He ran for electorate at forty and was defeated again. but if you don’t apply the knowledge you acquire and stick with your goals until you reach them. You can have all the wisdom and talent in the world. Then he decided to run for political office. This was his journey. He had a nervous breakdown at age thirty-six. They do not change because other things come up. and only for a short period of time. He ran for speaker at thirty-eight. born into disadvantage. He won. he was defeated. He was from a poor family.” Be honest. Abe had more reasons than anyone to give up. He was then elected to legislature at thirty-four.Get Out of Your Way! Two Factors That Guarantee Results Regardless of whether it’s a holiday. Why do only 5 percent of the population actually experience their dream lives? Because 95 percent of the world lacks the understanding and maturity to 1) apply what they learn. and 2) persist until they succeed. Finally he was elected to congress in ’46. thirty days or less. have you ever thought. Is it even possible to try everything? No. For instance.

You’ll always be glad you did. but we continue to salute him to this very day because he never gave up. Now Fire! of the United States. and stick with your goals until you reach them. So make that one extra telephone call. he still got shot in the head. He kept marching forward in pursuit of his dreams. You will persist until you succeed. but that’s beside the point. It is time for you to do the same. Go for that one extra walk. after all that.Chapter 13 You’re Ready. 111 . ! Many would have thought Abe to be a terrible failure. Take that one extra risk. and make the difference in your life. and in doing so. You never know when that fantastic break is going to happen for you. You’ve Aimed. Two factors that guarantee results: Apply the knowledge you acquire. Refuse to be the miner who stopped digging six inches short of the gold. you will. Yes.

Get Out of Your Way! 112 .

There’s a reason why getting what you want requires energy. she met characters that represented courage. You are on a magical journey too.#6.<= will actually step up and do what it takes to become a happy. It’s the process of getting what you want that actually shapes your character in a way that makes the results possible. The people and her surroundings had not changed. With this new knowledge. Four out of five multi-million-dollar lottery winners find themselves right back where they started financially within five years. heart. Even though you too have the power and “magic” within you. and that was what made all the difference. but she had. you won’t be able to sustain the results you’ve achieved. Without this journey. she eventually discovered that the real wizard (power) resided within her. and a stronger mental attitude. Along the journey. Think of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Yet she would not have believed it were possible even if Glenda (the good witch) had told her this. These people didn’t earn the right or gain the maturity to become “successful” in this way. she was able to finally appreciate those around her at a deeper level. she was able to confront and overcome her fears through defeating the Wicked Witch and return home again. but very few .#(@"$0?$/M"). People who use invasive surgery or fad diets to lose weight often gain it all back within six months. Although Dorothy originally thought that the wizard was the one who would ultimately save her.Chapter Fourteen 2##. When she did finally get back to Kansas. successful person. it’s in the journey that you will find all 113 Many will say they want to be happy and successful. She had the power to return home the entire movie. She needed the journey to Oz to rediscover herself.

The goal is to maintain a positive. he initiated the intervention. This chapter will help you to strengthen yours. this kid looked at the bright side of things. and know that whatever you experience in life will only make you stronger in the years to come. It was learned and shaped through your upbringing and life experience. A miserable man by the name of Murphy came up with the expression. depending on the situation. No matter what the situation. but they had polar opposite attitudes. The boys’ father eventually decided it wasn’t good for his boys to be so extreme one way or the other. Therefore. “If anything can go wrong. The Power of You How would you describe your attitude? Optimistic or pessimistic? Is your glass half full or half empty? The word attitude is used to describe the basic assumptions you’ve made about the nature of life.Get Out of Your Way! your dreams coming true. as we’ve already discussed. Believe this is true. instead of resisting or complaining about the challenges or uncertainties you face. he found the negative in it. It’s all about attitude. This means that you can trade in your old attitude for a new one if it will improve your life! I first heard the following tale from Zig Ziglar. realistic attitude with an expectation that things will work out for the best. A father with good intentions was raising his two seven-year-old boys. was extremely pessimistic. The problem with expecting things to go wrong is that doing so sets up self-fulfilling prophecies. and it will become so for you! You were not born with the attitude you now have. positive mental attitude. 114 . You probably display both optimistic and pessimistic attitudes. One night. it will. the easier your life will be. One of the boys was an extreme optimist. The stronger your PMA. an incredibly motivating human being. while his sons were sleeping in their separate bedrooms. on the other hand. Both were good kids. embrace them with a spirit of adventure. It illustrates the main difference between an optimist and a pessimist and the kind of life each will have.” Murphy’s Law is perfect for those who wish to go through life feeling scared and unfulfilled. It didn’t matter what was happening. His brother.

oh. “Son. Others think it’s a crappy story! ! I suppose it all depends on your attitude! Let’s review what you’ve learned thus far. “This ought to cheer him up!” the father thought to himself. you can support a more successful attitude. but rather something you support. “This ought to calm him down a bit. what’s the matter?” His sobbing boy looked up at him and said. Lots of packages and new toys to play with surrounded the bed. what are you doing?” The boy replied. he thought. It’s not something you are born with. your attitude will determine the quality of life you have. “Daddy. He ran into his pessimistic son’s room and discovered the boy sitting in front of a pile of unopened toys. I can’t play with any of these toys! What if I break one?” His father was dumbfounded and then heard his optimistic son yelling and laughing in the other room. What you need to learn next is that optimism and pessimism are actually only two of the four attitudes I see people support. Even though humans are born with certain temperaments and dispositions—some are introverted while others are extroverted—how you approach life is still a choice! Your attitude will determine the quality of life you have. As he piled up the stinky piles of horse poop. The father asked. oh. The shocked father exclaimed. The following morning the father awoke to his pessimistic son crying. Second. he snuck into his optimistic son’s room and poured horse manure all over the floor. At any time. At any time. he found him jumping head first into the horse manure. “Son.Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything The father snuck into his pessimistic son’s room and placed brand new toys all over the floor. “Daddy. First. I know there’s a pony in here somewhere!” Some find this tale funny. Daddy. As the father entered his optimistic son’s room. Next. your attitude is a choice. Daddy.” Then he washed up and went to bed. you can support a more successful attitude. The boy who was splashing around in the horse manure would not actually be 115 .

It is an attitude they are supporting. 36"$L%()$2##. troubleshooters. I better find another way to keep us from drowning. but they are not. “I’ve been wanting to go for a swim!” Optimists are solution-oriented. This boat is going to sink. Their overall outlook is bleak. Instead. If a dreamer were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say. They realize the gravity of the situation and begin seeking out the best possible outcomes.Get Out of Your Way! classified as an optimist in my opinion. But they don’t get stuck there like pessimists do. Troubleshooters pay attention to details and look for potential problems. pessimists might as well be six feet underground! They focus on the worst and get stuck on the problem itself. “We are going to be fine. Optimists keep their eyes to the sky but their feet on the ground. and pessimists. Instead. If an optimist were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say. It’s just something that’s going on with you at the moment. I knew this would happen!” Although I refer to people as dreamers. they look for things that could go wrong so they are prepared. “That patch won’t work and the water’s too cold to stay in it long.” As dreamers keep their heads too far in the clouds. this is not who they are. Let’s look for a way to repair the boat or send a signal for help. Just like if you break your arm. and they play the role of victim or blamer. If a troubleshooter were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say. 116 . optimists. “We are all going to die. it doesn’t make you a broken arm. They are cheery and good-natured yet not grounded in reality.#(@"?H 1) 2) 3) 4) Dreamer Optimist Troubleshooter Pessimist Dreamers tend to have their heads too far in the clouds. If a pessimist were sitting in a sinking boat he’d say. I’d say he was more of a dreamer.” Troubleshooters are often mistaken for pessimists.

Optimists are often great achievers and are also more successful in their endeavors.Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything In case you’re not convinced that your attitude is what separates the “haves” from the “have nots. on the other hand. creative. Instead of looking for ways to learn or resolve the situation. and they report higher job satisfaction. Optimists are solution-oriented. some situations make it difficult to find the silver lining. and spiritual balance. happy. Yet optimists realize that if it’s a 50/50 decision to feel good or bad. This is likely because they look for solutions and positive outcomes. People who support an optimistic attitude are more productive. and thus. Granted. they complain about it or feel sorry for themselves. find them. and motivated professionally. emotional. Optimism versus Pessimism Optimists are solution-oriented. Pessimists go through life expecting the worst and often experience it because of their lack of accountability. They perceive problems as challenges or opportunities in disguise. sociologists have unveiled what optimistic people have known all along. which means they report having personal power and a strong influence over what happens in their lives.” here is the latest scientific research on Optimism and Pessimism. Optimists are found to be twice as healthy. Optimists exhibit an internal locus of control. They also tend to be more understanding and confident in relationships. 117 . You should too! Pessimists. This creates greater feelings of peace and a sense of mental. Pessimists are problem-oriented and get fixated on the problem itself. After thousands of research studies. are problem-oriented and get fixated on the problem itself. and wealthy compared to people who support pessimistic attitudes. they choose to feel good. They believe there’s a brighter side to any situation. both at work and in their personal lives.

or at least that one doesn’t exist for him/her. and reduced vitality. and frustrated compared to their counterparts. Thus. What you focus on. They constantly complain about the same issues while ignoring good advice. Every action has a positive intention at the root of it.” They miss deadlines. even if the behavior seems insane. The unconscious payoff is. and growing as a result. They tend to make a lot less money as well and are often skipped over for promotions. “If I’m not responsible for anything that happens. you find. They complain of feeling more depressed. Even when mistakes aren’t made.Get Out of Your Way! People who support a pessimistic attitude report having more health problems. lower energy. Solutions will also be available. Pessimists have a strong external locus of control. blame another for their 118 . know that they wouldn’t behave in this manner if there weren’t a positive intention behind it. They procrastinate more often because “it’s not going to make any difference anyway. putting effort into making things better. then I don’t have to take responsibility for anything either. pessimists tend to be hypercritical of themselves and others. For those of you frustrated by these people. You may have friends or relatives who are like this. overly stressed.” This gives you a free pass to continue behaving immaturely rather than facing your fears. They worry constantly and are fearful and skeptical of others. you’ll find problems wherever you look. have more career changes. If you go through life only looking for problems. People who support a pessimistic attitude also seem to attract more “bad luck” and disappointments into their lives because this is where their attention is focused. but pessimists won’t see them because they don’t believe a solution exists. they end up sabotaging themselves. meaning they believe life happens to them and they have no control over the outcome. They take fewer chances (risks) and are overly critical of themselves and others when mistakes are made. Perhaps they get to continue playing the victim. and complain of being disillusioned by each new employer.

Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything

life, or feel a sense of certainty or connection with themselves through remaining angry or hurt. Of course, this occurs unconsciously, meaning they are not aware of what’s driving their immature behavior. Overcoming the Pessimism of Others Many pessimists, even if they are aware of their attitude, still don’t have a clue as to how to change the way they feel or behave. Awareness of pessimism does not create change. The best way to help your annoying friends and relatives is to give them a copy of this book. If people do the best they can with what they know, this book will increase the “know” part for them. Here’s one more tip for stopping people from wasting your precious time with their endless tirades of self-pity. Whenever you’ve had enough of their whining, abruptly interrupt him/her and start feverishly complaining about your own problems. Go on a tangent. Talk loud and fast and make it appear like you have no intention of stopping for quite some time! Pessimists are lousy listeners, and they aren’t interested in hearing about your problems when their own are so important. When you start in, they will suddenly find some reason for why they have to let you go and the conversation will be over! Then you can sit back and enjoy how devilishly clever you are. ! Perhaps with this newfound information, you will be even more committed to supporting an optimistic, or troubleshooting, attitude since it’s statistically proven to make your life better. Yet, you might be thinking, “I’ve supported all four attitudes at one time or another.” That’s true, and we all have. You may, for example, be very positive in certain areas of your life and switch to total pessimist in others. I’ve met very competent, successful businessmen and women who were extremely optimistic about their careers. Yet when it came to their weight problem they were complete pessimists! It’s easy to feel optimistic when things are going well, but how do you respond to life when it becomes stressful? Do you dwell more on

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the problems or obstacles at hand when life puts the squeeze on you? Do you begin worrying or become more critical of yourself? Do you start complaining or distracting yourself with food, cigarettes, alcohol, or TV? Do you get overwhelmed easily or lose your temper and point the blame? Maybe you feel beat up by life and catch yourself thinking, “No matter what I do, nothing seems to work out.” In other words, ongoing challenges may have made you pessimistic. A Positive Self-Attitude: A Matter of Focus The thoughts you choose to focus on can either raise your self-attitude or plummet it. They can either strengthen you or destroy you. I worked with Sally, a client who was very upset about an interaction she had with an employee. Sally asked, “Why do I focus on this one person when I get along so well with everyone else?” I replied, “How often did you repeat the words and visualize the movie in your head regarding this employee you had the confrontation with?” Sally said, “I don’t know. I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I just keep playing the situation over and over again.” I said, “And how many times did you replay the words and images of all the wonderful things that the other employees have said and done for you?” Sally replied, “I haven’t done that at all.” The real reason why you do nine things really well and focus on the one that didn’t go so well is because you are focusing on that one thing, and that is detrimental to your self-attitude! You need to continually redirect your mind toward the nine things you did great. I told Sally to begin actively thinking about the other employees who treated her really well. I also taught her one more trick. “Sally, I want you to put this person you had trouble with in the palm of your hand. Shrink this person down so that he is standing two inches tall. Then imagine him saying all those critical things but now he sounds like Mickey Mouse.” Sally imagined this and immediately started to grin. Then she said, “I want to crush him.” I replied, “Go ahead.” Sally proceeded to squish him with both hands. “Good, Sally, now throw him over your shoulder and put this whole situation behind you where it belongs.” She threw her hand over her shoulder and took a deep breath in. “I feel much better now. I feel much more in control again.”
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Sometimes adjusting your attitude takes both dealing with the situation that’s upsetting and redirecting your focus onto something more positive and empowering. Mostly people try to do one or the other without much success. Do both and you will succeed. With that much positive attitude, nothing will stop you from achieving your goals, no matter what the obstacles! Remember the ruby slippers! Adjusting your attitude takes both dealing with the situation that’s upsetting and redirecting your focus onto something more positive and empowering. Looking at Life from a Different Perspective For the upcoming exercise, you are going to be introduced to a technique called reframing. If you take an old picture and put it in a new frame, it looks better. You’re going to do the same thing with past memories that have been holding you back or keeping you stuck. As you change the way you remember, or interpret, the past, it will also change the way you feel about it. One of the easiest ways to change the way you experience something is through modifying its submodalities. This is just a fancy term for describing the characteristics that form your inner representations. With Sally, I had her imagine changing the submodalities of the employee she had trouble with. She made him smaller and she raised the pitch of his voice to sound like a mouse. Here are some other characteristics you can modify that will change the way you feel about something. You can make an image, sound, or feeling: brighter, darker, louder, softer, taller, shorter, closer, farther, softer, harder, rougher, smoother, sweeter, or sourer. Changing a location of something by imagining it either in front or behind you will also change the way it feels. I had Sally “throw” the employee behind her so that he was no longer in her face. In the next exercise, I’m going to have you think about something from your past that may be holding you back now. It could have been a time when you felt hurt, betrayed, embarrassed, humiliated, or rejected. It could be a memory of something a person said or did. Or perhaps think of something you wanted to have happen, but it didn’t.
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All it needed was a surfboard on top and you’d have the perfect 122 . just in case. at that time I had zero money. It was my first big seminar and I choked. it seems silly and it wasn’t that big of a deal. If it weren’t for her “talking me down” in the hallway. It was a 1980 Chrysler Town and Country station wagon complete with wood trim. Most just stared down at their notebooks as though they hadn’t slept in weeks. I might have snuck out of the building. My wife had accompanied me as my assistant at this event. You see. I was so embarrassed and so frustrated. Hire me for an hour and I guarantee I’ll have three hours of material. But for a long time. My wife and I were just getting by. But the fun was not over yet. When I think about this memory now. How that happened is still a mystery. Oh no. My great uncle had just passed away and. but not this time. and I almost quit speaking publicly because of it. it got even worse than choking in front of the company execs. After what seemed like days. we were all standing in the lobby as the valet pulled our cars around. Usually I exit the building well before any of the participants. I panicked and rushed through all my best material hoping something would inspire them. Because of my inexperience with this type of crowd. I remembered starting the program with my usual jokes and stories that always got people laughing. and I did manage to pull off the rest of the seminar and end on a positive note. It’s the typical rags to riches story you’d read in any Chicken Soup for the Soul book. everything seemed to bomb. we took a break and I dashed into the hallway to hide. Everyone was cordial. As the Lexuses and BMWs pulled up. Nobody even smiled. After the event. It was then that I realized I had delivered my entire program and we were only half way through the seminar! I still had an hour and a half and no material! This is probably why I now make sure to have twice the material for every seminar I provide. I suddenly felt completely out of my league. we bought his for $1000. I again went into a panic. it was a huge deal to me. but on this occasion. I recalled a memory of a seminar I did seven years earlier. because my old car was falling apart. I was hired by a brand name company to provide a training seminar for its regional managers in Illinois.Get Out of Your Way! During my first experience with this particular exercise.

which is exactly what happened. and it all worked! The seats were so comfortable it was like driving your couch around town. parked it next to the Mercedes. I could let this memory destroy my speaking career. I chose the latter and decided to use this story to help others feel better about their own mini disasters. First. and guess what? I had to hold the rear hatch of the car open with a broomstick! As Charlie Brown would say.?"H L)%F$J"F%<?$#%$J"F%<+@" Here’s a quick summary of what I did to change my interpretation of (my attitude about) this humiliating memory. “UUGGHH!” I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. and although they were again cordial. It had power everything.%<$/G")A. 3)+<?&%)F+#. I felt unworthy to present to these “successful” people. “That one yours?” I smiled and replied. or I could somehow make it work to my advantage. The valet pulled the woody up. and started walking toward me. at the time it completely shut me down. Mission completed! Now let’s get to that exercise I promised you. uncomfortably so. especially when you parked it next to a Mercedes. Then I reframed the interpretation of the memory so that instead of feeling humiliated. This allowed me to disconnect from the negative emotions associated to that prior experience. and I did a lot of “mind reading. I 123 . One of the attendees pointed to the Mercedes and said. My wife and I called it “the woody. But it was ugly and there was no denying it. I even decided to put this story into a book one day. “Not exactly.” I feebly attempted to explain that I recently bought my great uncle’s car for sentimental reasons. I began to interrupt the way I played this memory in my mind through altering the submodalities.Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything Beach Boys vehicle. and I worried so much about what those people thought of me. I even quit lecturing for a few months.” Even though my wife and I now laugh about this. After a while.” and we actually loved that car. It sucked! But it wasn’t over yet! I still had to load the back of the car with all my stuff. though. it became a learning experience. I realized that a new decision had to be made. we all knew I was lying.

Dunn dunt. Before and after the seminar I felt safe. of the memory. but there is usually a specific portion of the memory that is most upsetting. 2) the moment I realized that I was done with all my material halfway through the seminar. Identify this crucial part of the memory that’s most upsetting to you. you want to identify the moments before and after the painful incidents where you felt safe. Dun-dunt-Dun-dunt-Dun-dunt-Da-DA! That music kept people from even entering bath water! But now imagine watching Jaws with the sound muted. Pretty intense. and then create your own ten-second movie of shame. I’d rock their world! Now let me take you step-by-step through this process so that you can create transformations in your own life. and 3) when valet pulled the woody up in front of everyone. Once you’ve identified one. The memory might be longer than ten seconds. Start at the 124 . Think of a memory that you feel may be holding you back from advancing in life. imagine making a ten-second movie clip out of it. Imagine watching the movie Jaws on a big screen TV with digital 3-D sound. Now imagine watching Jaws on a cell phone that’s sitting across the room from you. there were actually three parts: 1) the moment I cracked a joke that always got laughs and it bombed. and become well prepared. This one part seems to be what we focus on and replay over and over in our minds. it lessens the intensity significantly. ! Do this now. Has that altered the affect this movie has on you? Yes.Get Out of Your Way! learned to hone my skills. and distant. When you make the movie silent. It was during the seminar that I felt insecure and vulnerable. right? Dunn dunt. Step One: Take a moment to identify and zoom in on the most upsetting moments of a particular memory you’d like to reframe. you’re going to play that ten-second movie clip backward very quickly in the theatre of your mind. If I had those same executives in a room now. work a crowd of any type more effectively. or characteristics. When dealing with trauma. Is it still as scary or intense? No. To alter your memory. small. Here’s one more example of this. I took these three “clips” and pasted them together into one ten-second movie. Step Two: The next step is to change how you play this movie in your mind through altering the submodalities. In my particular memory.

I worked with John who had complained of never being able to relax.” He imagined doing so and left my office that day feeling better than he had in years. where is all the tension?” He replied. and I think it surprised him as well. I concentrated on the feeling of relief that I felt from being done with the seminar and then I zipped backward as quickly as I could to the beginning of the seminar where I felt fine as well. He paused for a moment. where I was driving home from the seminar. in reverse where everything moves backward. what I was experiencing was a feeling of safety before and after. If you’ve ever rewound a VHS tape backward. Sometimes just focusing on different memories will be enough to free you from your mental prisons. I want you to play this abbreviated movie clip you’ve created from the end where you felt fine. It may be a ten-second movie.” I said. So when I thought about that day. “John. as a tear rolled down his cheek. you know what I mean. In this way. It was the first time I ever saw John relax. what’s happening?” He replied. but you’re going to make it zip through in about three seconds. relieved to be out of there. As you watch this movie in reverse. It’s just not there anymore. I’m having a lot of fun just messing around. “I don’t know. “Great.” I said. He looked stiff as a board and he walked like Frankenstein.Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything end of the ten-second clip and reverse the movie with great speed back to before the painful incident(s) occurred. and then suddenly his entire body went loose and limp. yet I was able to let go of the terrible feelings I had once felt. Soak up this relaxation. 125 . “I’m twelve years old and playing with my old glove and baseball. I still kept all the learnings from that event. I used hypnosis to regress him back to ten minutes before the initial incident that caused him to become so tense. see and hear everything and everyone moving and speaking backward. I began to feel more comfortable because of where I placed my attention. As you imagine this movie running in reverse. “John. For instance. all the way to the beginning where you felt fine. backward to the beginning before the seminar actually began. The actual seminar was more of a blur. I watched my movie clip from the end. have it go by very quickly. and imagine bringing it up to the present moment so that you can take it with you when you leave here today. I said. Thus.

It’s no longer necessary to catch all the details of what happened during the movie. and notice how your feelings change each time.(0&11$-$. Focus on how much better you felt before and after the memory. Do this now."*/5(%"(1-$$(6"*(1-"#(6"*-(#$. run through this exercise a few more times until it does.Get Out of Your Way! !"#$%&#$'()*'%(+". and let the middle part become a blur.+$. but this time transform the picture into a silent black and white movie.%(#$#"-&$' 2&33(4$($.'8 The submodalities we’re changing are direction and speed. As you watch this silent.%-.%. Just change the submodalities and run it through five more times. If you watched that movie in reverse very quickly. Running a movie backward faster than normal changes the way you experience the movie./(". I’m sure this was a strange exercise for you. or if you sped through the scary parts.%&. taking no more than three seconds to get through this clip. Instead of muting the volume. Step Three: Excellent. Also pretend that this movie has been viewed so many times that the images are really fuzzy and unclear. it would change the entire feeling of the movie.3(7-&'". That’s what makes it so effective at scrambling the old feelings and associations you used to have. and it’s supposed to be. imagine viewing it on a small twoinch by three-inch television set that’s sitting across the room from you. When you think about this memory now. Go ahead and do this five times now. Now make one more change. Do this now. black and white three-second movie in reverse. Then run the clip backward five more times as quickly as you can. add some silly carnival music or make everyone sound like the Chipmunks! Or perhaps you can imagine a marching band entering the room and standing in front of you as the 126 . Think back to the Jaws example. Very good. You can even continue to change the experience. Make the movie rewind faster and faster. have the feelings changed? If not. Do this now. Notice how much more neutral you’re feeling about this movie each time. Now run the ten-second clip backward five more times.

If the pretty girl in high school rejected you. Think of your memories as a collection of movies. Your next important step is to begin creating some positive memories now! If your past wasn’t so great. imagine now that s/he apologizes or compliments you instead.Chapter 14 Attitude Is Everything movie plays behind them. The more you alter it. If you have trouble recalling memories like this. and I knew how to handle every person in the room. but this time I was ready. I had plenty of material. Why keep a bunch of movies that make you upset. the next step was to create a movie that made me feel more empowered. positive attitude to make sure that your present and future are. or angry? Throw those movies in the trash and replay only the movies that make you feel happy. it’s time to create an empowering movie to play in your mind instead. go back and imagine taking a bow instead. Then I strolled down into the main lobby with my wife and met up with the limousine driver who was to take us home. and confident. go back and imagine her saying yes. If you were embarrassed by something. yes. Step Four: Once you’ve disconnected the memory from the uncomfortable feelings. do you think it will strengthen and motivate you? Heck. After the seminar finished. I created a new movie clip of me entering that same seminar again. everyone rushed up to me to say how inspiring it was. It’s done! What you have now is an 127 . If you struck out in the big game. If someone hurt your feelings. it will! So take a few moments and create your own feature presentation where you are the hero who saves the day! What happened no longer matters. Get creative in how you alter this memory. joyful. use your empowering. the greater your feelings about it will change. sad. After I scrambled the old memory of the Chicago seminar. It was great! If you reframed a memory in that way. my delivery was superb. take the bad memories and imagine rewriting them in the way I just recommended. What matters is how you are going to use it to grow stronger in your life. The best thing about the past is that it’s over. I watched this movie in full color and listened to it in Dolby Digital sound on a huge movie screen in regular speed directly in front of me. go back and imagine hitting a home run instead. Or imagine rejecting her.

because this is where your real power is. Plan that dream vacation. 128 . As they say. take reflective walks by yourself in nature. Keep focusing on what you can do now. this moment is a true gift. join a gym with a friend. or play more with your children.” If your past wasn’t so great use your empowering.Get Out of Your Way! opportunity to make new choices that will have an incredibly positive impact on your life now and over time. take that painting class. positive attitude to make sure that your present and future are. Keep focusing on what you can do now because this is where your ultimate power is. which is why it’s called the “present.

take whatever you’re visualizing and make it bigger. Any memory. We had a really great time. The memory is fuzzier. “I see her yelling at me. Your Most Powerful Ally: Your Imagination s you learned in the previous chapter. make the image smaller. making it bigger. farther away. fuzzier. He said. like I’m a child being reprimanded. Use the following guidelines if you want to change the feelings associated with a particular memory. put it right in front of you. or decreasing. You can also turn the volume up. and play it in regular speed. Think of the last time you got into an argument with someone. darker.” Peter was intensifying the negative emotions by bringing the image (his wife’s face) closer. and I can’t remember many of the details anymore. It makes me feel angry. can be transformed to empower you. dimmer. I then asked Peter to remember the last time he felt sexual toward his wife. I asked him to think about her and describe what he imagined. tinier. and muted. past or recent.” Peter was lessening. bring the image closer. But that seems like so long ago. brighter. you can use the power of your imagination to literally rewrite your past. She’s right in my face. “It was on a vacation two years ago. and increasing the volume in her voice. and her voice is loud. If you want to increase the intensity of a positive emotion. the positive emotions by making the wanted image (and feelings) seem A 129 . How do you imagine the person you argued with? Was s/he “in your face?” Peter complained of not feeling sexual toward his wife anymore. If you want to lessen the intensity of a negative emotion. and in more vivid color and detail.Chapter Fifteen '%()$P%?#$7%K")&(9$299. Peter said.

I sat down. like her on that vacation two years back. “He’s trying to intimidate me. and said her manager ruled the office with intimidation. She said with a smile. She said. One week later. and imagine her close and brightly. “My manager was making his usual rounds. I began laughing even harder. you can quickly and dramatically influence your emotions without getting caught up in them. and when he asked me what was so funny. but as he approached me. but he looks so stupid that I can’t help but laugh!” Marlene said she felt better. “Now dress him up like a little tiny clown. Imagine that he actually shrinks down to about two inches tall and you pick him up and hold him in your hand. but then he got into it a little more. and the closer he gets. quiet. I asked Peter to make the image of his wife yelling at him seem more distant. Marlene complained of job stress. “You almost got me fired. Marlene waltzed into my office and announced. I also had him imagine that she was speaking to him softly using a sexier tone. This was simply how his brain was processing the information. and the feelings of attraction began to return.” I took the word belittle (be little) and used it to her advantage. Then make his voice squeaky and small. “Marlene. “He gave me a strange look and told me to get to work.” Marlene paused for a moment and then busted out laughing. “He’s always yelling and trying to belittle people. and fuzzy. It’s like one of those times where it’s really inappropriate to laugh but you get the giggles anyway. but 130 .” I asked what happened next. He wasn’t doing any of this consciously or on purpose. Peter laughed at first. pretend your manager is approaching you. I then had him create an image of his wife that would be desirable. I swear I could hear his shoes honking! I started giggling. I couldn’t help it. rather than on the actual details.” Marlene did so and began to smile. the smaller he becomes.Get Out of Your Way! distant and fuzzy. If you focus on how the brain is structuring information. Give him a rubber nose and some big shoes that honk when he walks. I then said.” I asked why.

How Do You Really See Yourself? How do you actually view yourself in your unconscious mind? How do you look and behave? What do you feel you really deserve? I ask these questions because people often have very small and limited views of themselves. How do you see you?” 131 . It also feels more possible and real. but success seems so far out of reach. often one of the first questions I ask is. Katlyn came in for weight loss. most are unfamiliar with the blueprints they have of themselves. he’s been leaving me alone now. and more just by structuring the flow of information in your mind more intentionally. “I want to be successful. It was really funny. overcome fear.” Well. stay motivated. Yet this does demonstrate how powerful these mental strategies are. and you can use this information to accomplish all kinds of things. “Katlyn. “When you picture yourself in your mind. it instantly makes you feel more excited and motivated. I guess since he isn’t getting the reaction he used to. bring it closer then! When you imagine what you want coming closer to you. I asked. Would you let an architect build you a new home based on blueprints that you’ve never seen? I would think not. achieve goals. he’s now on to the next victim.Chapter 15 Your Most Powerful Ally I just kept picturing him with that clown nose. because they are not used to thinking about such a thing. But in reality. You can build more confidence and motivation. how do you see yourself?” This usually confuses people. or at least not in front of him. And you know what else? He didn’t come around me for the rest of the day! In fact. Yet. that’s like asking someone what kind of software they use on their computer and them not knowing. close your eyes and picture yourself. which are in fact determining the quality of their lives.” I don’t normally recommend laughing at your boss. for obvious reasons. You can hear how people are processing information just by how they speak. After getting to know her. When working with someone new. The image you have of yourself in your inner mind is actually the blueprint that your super powerful mind uses to create your reality.

it’s not what they are eating. but it still seemed very distant. if I don’t update the internal image Katlyn has of herself first. Life is but a dream. you must make it feel real in your mind. and when you wake up. When it comes to manifesting what you want in life. and more attractive image of herself. but as a behavioral change expert. actually having it can quickly become a reality. Katlyn was able to create a thinner.” It took a couple of more sessions and a lot of reinterpreting the past before Katlyn was finally able to bring that healthier image of herself front and center. your unconscious mind doesn’t know what’s “real” and what isn’t. you don’t realize you’re dreaming until you wake up from the dream. 132 . Heck.Get Out of Your Way! Katlyn seemed confused at first. you’ll already have everything you’ve ever wanted. but after further explanation. Remember.” This may seem like obvious information. When dreaming at night. it’s what’s eating them that they most need to focus on. As with most weight loss clients. “I see myself fat and miserable. “Okay. I can imagine myself the way I used to be. If you can see. Katlyn replied. maybe you’re dreaming all of this right now. Your imagination: your most powerful ally. hear. and feel yourself already having what you want in your imagination. all other weight loss suggestions would be futile. happier. but she seems very far away. Over the course of that session.

If you confront them head-on with this. Again. A 133 . and no matter how hard they try to change things it never works out. secondary gains are typically the result. the person continues down the path of self-destruction.Chapter Sixteen 2)"$36"$N%+@S9%AR?$$$$$$$$ 0<$'%()$J. this is very much an unconscious process. although it may not be apparent.&"$36")"$$$$$$$$$$$$$ L%)$2$N"+?%< Are You Secretly Rewarded for Remaining the Same? secondary gain refers to an emotional payoff or reward for thinking or behaving in a negative manner. You’ve also most likely met someone who continually self-destructs. Some need is being met through behaving in a particular way. meaning the person is unaware that he is getting something that’s perceived to be useful or positive from acting in this way. they will act confused or offended and will adamantly deny such an accusation. When someone complains about how terrible things are. I’ve uncovered many secondary gains that were responsible for keeping people stuck in old habits. They do so because. This payoff is normally unconscious. much like the pessimists you know. and no matter how good the advice is that you offer. they feel emotionally rewarded for behaving in such a way. Perhaps the payoff is that they can continue to see themselves as a victim or they don’t have to take accountability for their actions. which is why individuals find it challenging to let go of painful habits.

I can’t seem to lose even one pound.” No wonder she couldn’t lose weight. but I love the attention. flu-like symptoms would return. her husband would return to the office and begin pulling long hours to advance his career. men won’t pay attention to me and I’ll be safe. When Jen started feeling better. I began teaching Jen relaxation and stress management techniques and noticed a pattern within her. She had his full attention and empathy. He even pictured them 134 .Get Out of Your Way! Jen came to me because she was chronically sick. Jen’s unconscious mind basically got the idea that “I get sick. It would make her feel completely vulnerable and unsafe. Last year I used pills to lose weight and managed to drop fifteen pounds. I led him through a similar exercise and discovered he felt incredibly fearful that his friends would become jealous and abandon him. “If I stay heavy. “Even if I starve myself and exercise every day. her husband rushed in to comfort her. Her immune system was a little suppressed. although they always say it is. As soon as she’d get back on her feet and become self-reliant. she looked exhausted. Jen was obviously frustrated. She said. I love the attention more than I don’t like being sick. however. I don’t like being sick. but her vitals and blood work came back normal.” I find more secondary gains in working with those who are obese than anyone else. Doctors were baffled because nothing seemed to be wrong with Jen. He had been very successful at reaching a certain level of income but could not break through to the next level no matter how hard he tried. I get attention. I’ll stay sick. Her weight served as unconscious protection. Christina wanted to lose one hundred pounds. pleasure. After leading Jen through the exercise that I’m about to lead you through. but within a month I had gained twenty back!” I led Christina through a secondary gains exercise and found that she had been abused as a child. Matt came to me for a totally different reason. she realized that her being sick meant instant attention and affection from her husband. and a sense of inner control. Whenever Jen got sick. To give this all up so that they can fit into a size 8 just isn’t worth it. Chronically heavy people have unconsciously used food and their extra weight to produce feelings of safety. and when she came to me.

having to travel. He wanted to make more money but discovered he sabotaged himself for fear of getting promoted. Jeff was like that.Chapter 16 Are the Roadblocks in Your Life There for a Reason gossiping and making fun of him behind his back. A secondary gain refers to an emotional payoff or reward for behaving in a particular manner. who wanted a promotion. Jen. who wanted to lose one hundred pounds. was taught how to communicate more openly and honestly about what she needed from her husband. Christina. Surprisingly. What happens when you become aware of a secondary gain? You can either acknowledge and accept it or meet your unconscious needs in a more empowering way. Let’s begin. He also found more ways to validate his friends for their accomplishments. if they exist. some do choose to keep the status quo. and the struggles disappeared. and missing out on his kids growing up. but inside they know what’s really going on and they’re okay with it. to meet them in a new way. Matt. Your next step in this journey is to investigate whether you have any secondary gains and. Once he realized what was really going on. who had been chronically sick. They go on complaining about their predicaments because it’s become a habit. so he unconsciously kept himself stuck. Matt did not want to lose his close friends. 135 . started taking karate classes and found inner strength regardless of how much she weighed. they would support and celebrate his successes with them. Jeff aligned with his values and readjusted his life goals. Some need is being met through behaving in a specific way. decided that if his friends were true friends. More often the goal is to meet the unconscious payoff in a more suitable and empowering manner. which is why you might find it challenging to let go of unwanted habits. and her health and relationship got much better. a sense of peace came over him.

In a moment. More calm and focused. Two. With every number you read below.$!+.Get Out of Your Way! 3)+<?&%)F+#. take another step down and feel your body become more comfortable and at ease. or marble. As you continue to read.?"H '%()$:"A%<@+). stepping down again as you feel any remaining tension melt away and disappear. Four. deep breath. More calm and focused. halfway there. allow your mind to walk you down an imaginary staircase.<? Take a full. you will feel more calm and focused. feeling good. Seven. Feel all the thoughts fading from your mind. Imagine sinking into this incredibly comfortable chair and become aware of how open and alert your mind has become. so by the time you get to the count of one. Nine.%<$/G")A. counting from ten down to one. take your first step down as your body naturally breathes in relaxation. Finally. feeling good. Beginning with the count of ten. Fill your lungs with a sense of peace. with the count of one. You are in a very resourceful state now and fully in touch with your powerful unconscious mind. Just ahead of you is one of the nicest recliners you’ve ever seen. This part of you is here to serve and will follow through on your requests. Five. your mind will identify it and make it conscious to you. your unconscious will be instructed to find any secondary gains that might be holding you back from what you most desire. fill your body back up with soothing sensations of comfort and peace. This magical staircase consists of ten steps that lead to a place where you are relaxed and fully in touch with the part of your mind that knows everything about you. focusing only on these words. It might be made from wood. The only thing you focus on are the words you’re now reading. relaxed. comfortable. Six. focusing now only on this word. It may be very elegant or simple. This staircase can look any way you want it to. and as you slowly exhale. 136 . notice your mind becoming empty and clear. imagine taking another step down. If there is any reason or payoff for you not following through on your goals or remaining where you are right now. Three. loosen your shoulders and jaw muscles. Eight. cement. you imagine reaching the bottom of the staircase.

Chapter 16 Are the Roadblocks in Your Life There for a Reason

Be aware that there might be some resistance at first. Your mind may begin to analyze this whole exercise, and you could catch yourself thinking, “I’m not getting anything. This isn’t working.” Just know that when you analyze the process, it’s a clever way of distracting yourself from the feelings you may encounter. Intellectualizing what you’re doing is a form of self-protection; intellectualizing is an attempt to keep you from fully immersing in the exercise by paying attention to flashes of insight or specific feelings. Thus, if you catch yourself entertaining these distractions, take another deep breath in and allow your mind to focus back to this question: “If there was an advantage, no matter how small, for my behaving in this way, what would it be?” Stop reading and ask yourself that question now. There is always a positive intention behind the secondary gain. The intention is designed to protect you, even if the method of protection is backfiring. Thus, as this information comes to your conscious mind, allow it to resonate for just a moment. How might this secondary gain be attempting to protect or serve you? If you’re not sure, make something up. Just pretend to understand, or simply guess. Since your unconscious doesn’t really know the difference between what’s real and what’s made up, your guess may actually be the truth. Again, here is the question: How might this secondary gain be attempting to protect or serve you? Take your time and answer this question now. Whether you feel you’re guessing or you just had a major realization, it’s time to meet this intention in a more positive and empowering way. Even if the intention was positive, the method is holding you back in other ways that are no longer acceptable. It may even be creating the very pain you’re trying to avoid. Therefore, you are going to ask your unconscious to do something very special. Ask your unconscious mind now to help you come up with three new ways of meeting this particular need in a more empowering fashion. Identify three new actions you can now take to meet your needs that have nothing to do with the old, outdated behaviors. These three alternative choices will empower you to leave the old behaviors behind while simultaneously providing greater

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control over your life. Recall the examples of Jen, Matt, and Christina. Take your time and do this now. Well done! Hopefully you’ve opened the realm of possibilities when it comes to meeting your needs in more constructive ways. Perhaps you’ve tapped into other resources, or, from reading this book, you’ve realized that the protection you once needed is no longer necessary. Throughout this book we are giving you the courage to succeed and the strategies for feeling strong and secure at will. Now that you’ve taken the time to identify what you can do to better meet your needs, I want you to imagine engaging in these new behaviors in the future. Take a few minutes and visualize yourself following through on these three new options that empower you regardless of the situation. Imagine them working out as perfectly as intended. Do this now. If you had difficulty coming up with new options, ask yourself, “What else could I do to feel _________ (insert your emotion or need here).” Sometimes pretending that you are helping a friend to solve his or her problem can separate you from the situation enough to come up with a proper solution. “If my best friend wanted to feel _________, what advice would I give him or her?” Keep asking your mind in different ways for the answer you desire, and expect to get an answer. Do not let yourself off the hook. Eventually you’ll stumble upon just the right question to get the secondary gains answers you need. The answer to all your questions lies within you. It’s always a matter of asking the right question. “How can I take action in a new way that creates the way I want to feel or creates the kind of situation that I want to experience more regularly?” Sometimes people get stuck on the problem instead of focusing their mental energy on the solution. “Why does this keep happening to me?” is a lousy question. Ask yourself a lousy question, and you get a lousy response. “Because you’re a loser!” Instead, ask your mind “What action can I take right now to prevent this situation from happening again?” Now that’s an empowering question. Remembering all that you’ve experienced in this exercise, I want you to thank your powerful mind for helping you. Over the next couple of
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days, be aware of how your unconscious may continue to communicate with you. Be mindful of your dreams, the conversations you have, and the material you read. Sometimes the answers we seek show up a few days later in the strangest of ways. If you didn’t fully get the answers you were seeking now, keep your eyes, ears, and mind open, because the answers are on their way. With that said, I’d like you to imagine being back in that recliner, feeling refreshed in every way. Visualize yourself getting out of the chair and walking back up the staircase as the new, empowered, and resourceful you. Then emerge from this exercise knowing that your mind will continue to supply you with the resources to succeed as long as you keep asking it to. Realize that you are constantly getting better and better. I hope this exercise was helpful and insightful for you. It has provided profound revelations for thousands of people, and as you continue to lead yourself through the steps, it can do the same for you. It might even be better if you go through the steps again, but this time with your eyes closed and a friend reading. Get as relaxed as you can and imagine getting more in touch with the magic within. If you get stuck or have questions, you can call my office or e-mail your questions to me. We even offer a CD that will lead you through this exercise using hypnosis. To find out more, go to www.ShurrSuccess. com or e-mail me at tim@shurrsuccess.com.

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and the situation is unique or emotionally charged enough.#. you’ve got to have the ability to start AND finish strong! It looks like you’re on your way to doing both. If you’re going to go above and beyond what most people even dream of. Usually the pain is intense enough to cause the brain to create an immediate kinesthetic anchor. They just set it on the shelf as though just buying it will give them something. or touch something at the same time you feel a particular emotion.Chapter Seventeen :(AA"??$1%<@. By the end of this chapter. hear. An obvious example of this occurs the first time you touch fire.” This is an example of a very useful kinesthetic anchor. your brain will create a link between the situation (stimulus) and that particular emotion. or kinesthetic cue that triggers a specific emotional state.<=H$ :#"8$4<" e start this chapter with a heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS! Most people never make it this far when reading a book. my friend! Now you’re going to learn about anchors. I’ve used them throughout this book. Sound good? ! What’s an Anchor? An anchor is a term used to describe a visual. yet it will not. Avoid touching fire. you’ll know how to get rid of self-limiting anchors that are already established in your brain and create resourceful anchors of your own. If you see. Some don’t even start the book they buy. They’ll have four or five half-read books. Good for you. but I’ve yet to explain how they work or how to use them to your advantage. but very few completed ones. Your brain says. “Touching fire hurts. auditory.%<. 141 W .

Suddenly out of nowhere you feel completely heartbroken. and a cookie triggers that feeling inside you. Food and beverage companies spend billions annually to convince us that we will be happy. I just smile. smell. Let’s say a boyfriend in high school dumped you. and while he was suggesting that you could still be friends. sound. you’re still firing off that anchor when life gets stressful. since you’re hearing something that triggers a specific emotional response. You want to feel comforted. Commercials are full of hypnotic anchors. at peace. and it makes you feel angry. you’re happily driving down the freeway and Every Rose Has Its Thorn comes on the radio. and beautiful music is playing in the background. I bet that jar of sauce is sitting there. etc) and specific emotional states. Then. “Food equals love. ese emotions can be re-experienced simply by activating the anchor. Whenever somebody tells me that they can’t be hypnotized. Or your spouse gives you a certain look.” Fifty years later. right when you were feeling really comforted. it creates an anchor. and you just feel so warm and cozy inside. or we’ll get lucky if we eat or drink their product. you heard Every Rose Has Its Thorn on the radio. Twenty years later. ANCHOR! Now.Get Out of Your Way! Here’s an example of an unuseful auditory anchor. This is an example of an auditory anchor. When you fell and hurt your knee as a child. I love the commercials where they flash pictures of adorable kids sitting at the table. maybe the first time you see this commercial nothing happens in your mind. They are in my office 142 . she handed you a cookie! And what does your unconscious mind do? Why. This is an example of a negative visual anchor. grandma reached down and gave you affection. go look in your cabinets. And then they flash a big jar of spaghetti sauce on the screen. But how many times do you see the exact same commercial play in just one evening? Now think of how many times you saw that commercial in a year! If you don’t think it has an effect on you. An anchor is a mental connection your mind makes between a sensory stimulus (touch. cool.

This connection your brain makes with feelings and events is almost always unconscious. You smell apple pie and think of grandma.Chapter 17 Success Conditioning: Step One because they’ve already been put into a trance. Smokers are often triggered to smoke after a meal or with a drink. Instead. You want to get ahead in your company. ! Anchors are one way your brain organizes information.” Your brain has associated projects to getting in trouble. it was revealed that she had witnessed the death of her father as a child while catching butterflies. In the Midwest. Tony Robbins once referred to himself a “de-hypnotist.” I think of myself as the same. your brain can create associations between feelings and events that aren’t actually related. “Every time I hear about a new project. The following is a more common example of a limiting. old anchors trigger people to respond in the same way they always do. Knowing how to purposefully create and 143 . Let’s say you had a big project that was due and you didn’t get it turned in on time. Phobias are a good example of this. or your spouse uses a particular tone of voice and suddenly you’re pissed off. or negative. After hypnotic regression. I met a woman once who had an intense phobia toward butterflies. the smell of pine reminds many of Christmas. Most couples tend to argue about things that have nothing to do with their current situation. You really don’t have to think about sticking your hand in fire to know it’s not a good idea. irrational anchor that causes paralyzing fear in those who have them. and the olfactory anchors that are triggered from a Yankee candle hypnotizes women to spend large quantities of money on candles. and now every time a project comes up. A phobia is an intense. Some anchors are created over time through repetition. however. If she even imagined a picture of a butterfly she’d flip out. I get this sick feeling in my stomach. anchor. Because this often happens unconsciously. The “trigger” is actually an anchor. Seeing the movie Rocky immediately makes men feel pumped up. It got you into a lot of trouble. but she had completely forgotten about the circumstances surrounding it. My client did consciously recall her father’s heart attack. but you keep letting opportunities pass you by. you pass it on to someone else.

because you can use this knowledge to your advantage. Step One. and as you follow through. Just like you cannot feel fear and gratitude simultaneously. 144 . “I’m depressed! I’m depressed!” What happens? You start laughing. your efforts will be greatly rewarded. Here’s another exercise for collapsing a limiting fear simultaneously through firing off opposing emotional states.<=$X<(?"&(9$2<A6%)? I’m going to show you how to eliminate negative anchors in your life and replace them with empowering ones. In the peak performance field of NLP. Nor can you laugh and feel depressed at the same time.?"H /9. angry. Your brain says. Hold your right hand up in the air and make a fist. completely relax your right hand. What’s been holding you back and making you so upset. get up and move to a more private location. these limiting anchors that are holding you back will continue to be triggered.” The most effective way to eliminate. You need to hear yourself out loud so that you notice the tempo. At the same time.<+#. “What?” You cannot be tight and relaxed at the same time. It’s important to do this exercise out loud and not in your head. a negative anchor is through triggering the conditioned feeling while simultaneously firing off an opposing emotional state.F.Get Out of Your Way! eliminate anchors in your life will give you even greater leverage over your success in the future. This will require some courage on your part. or frustrated lately? Put a voice to all that is stressful in your life. Throw your arms up in the air and wave them around while exclaiming. Squeeze this fist tight and keep it that way. Grinder). 3)+<?&%)F+#. If others are around.%<$/G")A. Take the next thirty seconds to say out loud why you can’t have what you want in life. Go ahead and try. this strategic process of eliminating anchors is referred to as “collapsing anchors. right? Knowing this gives you power. Neuro Linguistic Programming (Bandler. Otherwise. or collapse.

you need to become more aware of not just what you said. . and I’ve found that people tend to express very similar worries. Even though the scenery might be different. Nobody can completely understand how you are interpreting your life. I hope you used the entire thirty seconds. many can understand and relate to the situations and experiences you’re going through. and stresses. and I spend so much time putting out fires that I’m not able to take action on the stuff I know will get results! I’m exhausted all the time. and whatever you are now going through. However. you realize how much dialogue there really is. Notice how you spoke and the way you held your body while doing so. People are very good at making themselves feel isolated as though “nobody could possibly understand what I’m going through. Begin. Was the tone of your voice 145 . and I don’t know how I’m going to pull it all off! I don’t know what else I can do. ! When saying what’s on your mind out loud. and both seem to get jilted! And work is driving me crazy. Imagine that I’m listening intently to every word you say. pressures. and you probably could have continued for quite some time. I’m trying to balance the time between my work and my family.Chapter 17 Success Conditioning: Step One pitch. Human beings process information in the same way and have the same universal inspirations and fears. Sometimes I just feel so stuck. It seems like everyone wants a piece of me and there’s no time for what I want. If any of those thoughts resonated with you. I’ve got so much stuff going on right now. . and tone of your voice when saying what’s holding you back.” You’re right.” I’ve been leading people through this exercise in my Shurr ! Success seminars for years. Did anything you say sound like this: “I’m just so frustrated because I never have enough time and I’ve got all this pressure. but how you said it. you are not alone. You’ve got thirty seconds. Very good. how much negative programming goes on inside you every single day. I hope it makes you feel a little better knowing that we’re all in the same boat. Thus. and I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. you will get through it just like countless others have and are. . Nobody seems to be cooperating. the scenes are the same. Before we move on to the next step.

quick statements? Did you swear? Did you sound angry. baby! It doesn’t matter if you can sing or not. Know that in order to feel the yucky feelings you felt while venting for those thirty seconds. right? You’re taking control of your life and forcing yourself out of the old comfort zones. yes? You know you can’t grow while playing it safe. or holding your breath? Were you making fists or moving your arms and feet around? (At this point.” If you haven’t followed through on this. and into yourself. throw your arms in the air. shallow breaths. Allow me to prove this to you. and stressors in your life.) Step Two. the more you will get out of it! Do this now. Tell me why you can’t have what you want and all the things that have been holding you back or upsetting you. sing! You can’t grow while playing it safe. If singing out loud is way out there for you. please do so now. Now it’s time to mess with your head and collapse some limiting anchors. In a moment you will be given another thirty seconds to vent your frustrations. baby. “I guess I should have done the thirty-second exercise. fears. taking short. 146 . Remember. That’s right! You’re going to sing it out. it’s necessary to repeat the tone and body language you used. or indignant? How did you hold your body? Were your shoulders slumped forward? Were you frowning? Were you looking up or down? Were your muscles tense? Were you breathing regular. However. and belt out in your best operatic voice all the worries.Get Out of Your Way! low or high pitched? Did you talk quickly or slowly? Did it seem like you used one long sentence or a series of brief. upset. terrific! Break into some new territory and sing your frustrations. I want you to say the same exact things you said previously. this time you are going to sing it out loud like a famous opera singer. the more you put into this exercise. The point is that you sing! Stand up. Changing any part of this will lead you to a completely different emotional state. you may be thinking. I know you’re not just sitting thinking “I’m not doing that!” You’re stepping up.

I know you followed through. That’s fear in disguise. That’s why I encouraged you to stand up and sing. it would be nearly impossible to feel the same way you did originally because you altered your tone of voice and physiology. or upset in that moment. what makes you think you’ll have the guts to take action on really important activities? Losers (I don’t really care for this term) will always have a story or justification for why they failed to take positive action. why not? I thought you wanted to be courageous. alter your voice. I want to be sure. In fact. Winners don’t need excuses. If for some bizarre reason you did not sing.” That’s not courage. you might have even smiled! Changing your physiology (your body movements) can dramatically change type of emotions you experience. Psychologists took people who had been clinically depressed for more than twenty years and had them stand in front of a mirror and smile (just like you did) as broadly as possible for twenty minutes twice a day. and neither do you. to throw your arms in the air. Suddenly what you say isn’t as important to how you’re feeling as the way you are saying it. Or is it that you just want to be courageous on your own terms? “I’m strong and courageous as long as I don’t have to risk anything. and belt out your frustrations. Or perhaps you really got into it and began laughing or having fun.Chapter 17 Success Conditioning: Step One Outstanding! I know you really put a lot into this crazy little exercise. ! When you sang about your worries. the better you feel. and move your body differently. You may have noticed your body relaxing and your facial muscles loosening. if you sang out. and follow through on this simple task. Because YOU ARE A WINNER. did it feel different the second time compared to the first? Sure. it did! You probably felt silly or embarrassed. “You must go out on a limb because that’s where the fruit is. If you’re not willing to jump in. so please excuse this sermon. and for that I applaud you! Even though I know you followed through instead of making excuses. angry. At the end of three weeks. Either way. Research has repeatedly shown that the more you move. Singing forces you to breathe deeper. I bet you weren’t feeling stressed. risk looking foolish.” I challenge you with these silly tasks so that you can see how you respond when challenged. Heck. 80 percent of the 147 .

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participants felt that their depression had lifted enough for them to function again. Just by smiling! I bet if those patients had jumped up and down while they were smiling, they would have felt better within the week! Movement also helps you change your focus. Instantly you’re no longer focused on all the worries and pressures in life. Instead you’re thinking about how funny this exercise is and how nutty you’re going to look if someone busts in on you. Actually, I hope someone does walk in on you. It would be hilarious, and every time you think about those worries, it will remind you of the laugh you had with your family member or friend. By getting yourself to laugh while complaining, you collapse the stress pattern that you’re running. Again, collapsing an anchor means firing off a negative and a positive emotion at the same time. This neutralizes both emotions so that you end up somewhere in the middle. You’re not feeling bad or good, but indifferent. This puts you in control over your responses instead of robotically reacting based on past conditioning. This is just one of hundreds of ways to interrupt your own stress pattern. The next time you start feeling pressured, frustrated, or whiny, start singing about it in your best opera voice. If that doesn’t work, turn your self-pity into a cheer. “I’m so stressed! I’m so stressed! GOOO STRESSSS!” Kick your arms and legs up into the air as though you’re doing the perfect cheer like Will Ferrell. If you get into it, I guarantee it will change your state. Now, you’re not going to want to do this when you’re really stressed or feeling sorry for yourself. You’d much rather stay in that place. However, you’ve got to have enough emotional maturity to realize that continuing to run this self-limiting pattern will keep you from growing to the next level. That’s when you force yourself to do these silly exercises. Once you cheer about your woes, it will change your state, get you more resourceful, and put you back in control. When you look back at how you were acting, you’ll realize how silly the negative mindset was and not the behavior that got you to stop doing so. Feeling negative? Sing opera, dance like Rocky, give a cheer! Smile broadly. Collapse the negative anchor!

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A friend told me of a contractor he once knew who was always singing and humming tunes to himself on the job site. He noticed that whenever things went wrong, the contractor began singing to himself. He also noticed the contractor humming tunes when things were going well. What really stood out was how levelheaded this contractor was regardless of what was happening around him. He was just as calm and collected in the midst of chaos as he was when things went smoothly. When some of the guys finally asked the contractor about his singing, he replied, “By the time I was thirty, I had created my own construction company and own several rental properties. I became incredibly successful because I learned early on not to get attached to what was happening around me at any given time. I realized that some things went good and some went bad, but nothing lasted forever. I hum tunes or sing songs in my head as a reminder of this. It keeps me focused on what I want instead of on what’s going on in the moment. Singing reminds me that everything’s okay, and it reminds me not to get attached to the outcomes because they don’t matter. You have to keep looking at the bigger picture. I might not win every battle, but I am determined to win the war. That’s why I sing.” This Too Shall Pass No matter what’s going on in your life, this too shall pass. Whether you’re having a really good streak or a really bad one, this too shall pass. I remember the first time I heard that saying. It was etched into a rug that was sitting in front of a toilet. “This too shall pass.” ! The business of life is much like surfing. There’s a time to paddle, a time to float, and a time to ride the wave. You can’t always ride the wave, and you can’t always be paddling. And if you just float, you never get anywhere. This is where learning how to balance your life comes in. Because the waves come in and then retreat back, you begin to expect it and become okay with it. Imagine building a sandcastle next to the water and watching the tide come in. Eventually that water is going to take your castle. Some people act completely surprised by this and get angry or depressed when it happens. They either give up or begin building another sandcastle by the water’s edge, only to have it swept away again.
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If, however, you realize that the water is eventually coming and you’re okay with it, then you’re no longer attached to the eventual outcome. Complete freedom comes from not caring about what’s going to happen in the moment, because you know it’s all going to work out just fine. You may want something to occur, but you’re not devastated if it doesn’t, because the setback is merely temporary. In sales, for example, if you go into the situation with the intent to serve and you don’t really care if you get the sale or not, you actually increase the odds of getting it. This happens because you’re operating from a state of abundance rather than scarcity, which keeps your customer from sensing desperation on your part. Complete freedom comes from not getting attached to what’s happening in the moment because you know it’s all going to work out.

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I do so in a very specific order using the exact same To create a positive anchor. clap my hands a few times. Of course this is just a guideline and not a hard-fast rule. repeat a mantra like “ohm” to get into state. or collapse. it will confuse your brain and the anchor will be neutralized. and say the word “YES” with passion. Here’s how I established one of my favorite anchors. If you create a trigger that gets fired while experiencing different types of emotions. this is exactly what we did to eliminate. and simultaneously install your trigger. When creating a kinesthetic trigger. As you recall.Chapter Eighteen :(AA"??$1%<@. intensify the emotion. I find a bathroom (usually the only private place I could find).<=H$ :#"8$3K% 3)+<?&%)F+#. for example. jump up and down. I’ve never actually heard that word or sound in any other context.%<$/G")A. The key is to make the desired emotional state as strong as you can and to choose a trigger that’s unique.%<. This isn’t usually an area of your body that is touched. get yourself associated into the state or 151 . think of something that produces the emotion you want to anchor. As long as your brain repeatedly experiences the unique trigger and a specific emotion.<=$X?"&(9$2<A6%)? emotion you want to anchor.?"H 1)"+#. it will eventually link the two. the unwanted anchors in your life. which makes it unique. Those who practice meditation.#. and then touch your left hand between the third and fourth knuckle. Prior to doing a seminar.

security. It emphasizes to my brain. Dave came to me complaining of feeling depressed for no good reason.” After a few more questions and some hypnosis. hope. I say. here’s what had occurred. and then someone will come up and start talking to me. and suddenly I feel incredibly sad.Get Out of Your Way! mannerisms every single time.” By now you are realizing just how transformational this information is going to be in your life! You have the ability to feel any way you want. “When I do this. “I’m not sure why I get this way.” I asked if this happened with everyone he spoke to. as much as you want! You can anchor feelings of success. energized. his unconscious revealed a pattern and a potential anchor that was unintentionally created in Dave. I feel this way. Every time you’re naturally feeling relaxed. When I notice myself feeling excited. love. the way that you experience life will dramatically change for the better. I don’t really care. and Dave said no. it’s always fun to be jumping up and down in a bathroom and have somebody walk in on you. relaxation. for instance. energy. motivation. Of course. Imagine walking into a networking event and immediately feeling confident and social or seeing your partner and instantly feeling intimate and connected. In short. then speak or touch a designated part of your body that represents the trigger. It will reinforce to your brain and central nervous system that engaging in this behavior makes you feel relaxed. I feel that focused energy course through my body because I’ve trained my brain to do so. Another tip for reinforcing and strengthening an anchor is to activate the trigger whenever you’re naturally in that desired state. and I can’t seem to figure out why. “It only happens every once in a while. 152 . or generally happy. “YES” while jumping and/or clapping. I’ve repeated this little ritual so much that it immediately makes me feel energized and focused. Often if I just say the word “YES” with passion. I’ll be feeling great. and anything else. focused. take a moment to breathe. As you eliminate the negative anchors in your life and replace them with empowering anchors. but when I get that focused and fired up. at any time you want. People who smoke or mindlessly eat are simply responding to a repetitiously conditioned anchor. passion.

and every time he laughed. 153 . “I don’t know why. and he stated that the depression had not returned. Dave’s father had passed away. Dave obviously felt very sad.Chapter 18 Success Conditioning: Step Two A few weeks earlier. Every time a person came up to Dave. We’d talk a little more. “How are you feeling now. After describing this to me. and said. “Dave. but that’s normal. One after another continued to approach him in the same way. he was standing in line greeting people. I patted him on the shoulder. During the visitation prior to the funeral. I asked. I decided to test something. and the anchor was established. and people were repeatedly touching a specific part of his body and using a specific tone of voice. but he held it together pretty well. buddy?” Immediately Dave’s eyes dropped down and his shoulders slumped forward. “How you feeling now. Otherwise. they patted him on the right shoulder and said how sorry they were for his loss. I got him laughing and tapped him on the right shoulder. Then I patted him on the right shoulder and softly said. I saw Dave a couple of weeks later. but other than that I’m fine. Now. After a few minutes of doing this. “I feel sad every once in a while when I think of my father. almost unaware of it. smiled. How are you?” I laughed and then taught Dave how to anchor a feeling of peace and ease. and said. He sighed deeply. Dave?” He looked at me. how would you have treated Dave? It was actually pretty easy. He was in an extremely intense emotional state during his fathers’ funeral. Dave’s unconscious associated the touch-on-the-shoulder trigger to the emotion of sadness. I want you to be able to work this process through for someone else so that you become better doing it on yourself. “I’m a little frustrated about this whole thing.” I leaned over and patted Dave on the right shoulder softly and then said. “I feel fine. for Dave an anchor of sadness was created through touching his right shoulder and speaking softly to him. but before you continue reading. I asked Dave to clear his mind. based on what you’ve learned about collapsing anchors.” Although this doesn’t always happen. My strategy was simple. take a moment to think about how you would have handled this situation. how are you feeling right now?” He replied. but I’ve started to feel that depressed feeling again.

I 154 . contact my office. “There was a lot of turbulence. Around that time. It was a really funny commercial. If you have any of these issues. I’m in a good place now. But now it requires me to travel.” As soon as she brought up flying. tears started rolling down her cheeks. I then collapsed any remaining fear by getting her to laugh. and it had great music to go along with the gentleman’s dance. and it totally freaked me out. Each time Carrie thought about getting on an airplane her fight-or-flight response (no pun intended) kicked in. and I haven’t had to do that before. which was about six years earlier. Severe trauma or post-traumatic stress can be dramatically reduced and even eliminated by a good hypnotist or NLP practitioner. but most of them require that you see a trained professional. I’m great at what I do. That’s why I got this promotion. a commercial for Six Flags Great America (a Chicago-area amusement park) featured a funny looking gentleman dancing around entertaining others. I then asked her to imagine this gentleman sitting next to her on the plane.” Carrie revealed that she had a bad experience on the last fight she took. and I’ll give you some options for overcoming them. There are many techniques you can use to eliminate fear or emotional pain. Carrie came to my office because she had a “horrible fear of flying. One of the suitcases even fell out of the storage bin.” You can eliminate any negative anchor as long as the positive anchor you simultaneously fire off is equally intense. “I can’t believe I’m acting this way. Most of the fears we are covering are due to a misunderstanding or faulty interpretation and thus can be adequately dealt with through the techniques you are learning. She’d cry and shake and then get frustrated. I had her play the same silly music in her head as she watched him dance around in his seat making funny faces. and I’m normally very confident.” First I taught Carrie techniques for shrinking and dulling her intense fear and moving it away. You’ll find my contact information at the back of this book. Carrie knew of the commercial and smiled when I mentioned the funny gentleman in it. which immediately neutralized any remaining fear.Get Out of Your Way! I’ve been feeling pretty good when I’m with others or by myself. her smile transformed into full-blown laughter. As Carrie began imagining this scenario.

You can say your trigger word(s) out loud or in your own mind. If you want to feel energized. and I yelled out “Turbulence!” Carrie just sat their bouncing around in the chair with a smile on her face. confident. I grabbed the chair she was in. To do so. and imagine that s/ he is feeling the way you want to feel. or whichever emotion you wish to conjure. When she imagined this. It seems to add to the intensity of the emotion. If you’re still struggling. “I knew I was okay now. She said. thus securing a stronger anchor in your nervous system. if others are around. Notice how s/he is holding his/ her body. I told her to imagine getting on the plane for her upcoming trip. and your trigger will be touching the top of your right hand between your first and second knuckle. take a deep breath in. Thus. It’s hysterical!” Because I like to ensure my clients get maximum results. you must first decide what feeling or feelings you’d like to experience at will and also what your trigger(s) will be. you can throw your arms up over your head. Pretend how it would be to feel this way right now. and say “YES!” It can really be anything. think of someone you might know or somebody you might have seen in a movie or on television. I’d like you to think back to a time when you naturally felt the feeling you want to anchor. Or perhaps every time you rub the back of your neck you’ll feel deeply relaxed. I recommend saying your trigger words out loud. what s/he is saying to him/herself. and when you said ‘turbulence’ it made that guy dance more. If you don’t recall a specific memory. started shaking it. make one up in your mind. In order to lock in your anchor.Chapter 18 Success Conditioning: Step Two asked to her think about flying and Carrie started giggling again. Take your time and choose your emotional states and triggers now. Go back to the last time you really felt that emotion.” I got an e-mail from Carrie a month later reporting that she felt great on both her outgoing and returning flights and hasn’t had any problems since. motivated. “I just keep seeing that guy and hearing that music. and where s/he is feeling 155 . you’ll need to conjure up the feeling you want to experience and increase its intensity. Float back to a time when you felt really relaxed. motivated. Now it’s time to create another empowering anchor in your life. or focused. If you’re alone. Perhaps you want to feel confident.

and your body fills with a warm heaviness. I pretended to be back at that time. and I started to feel pretty good. your jaw muscles relax. confidence. you probably pulled off this exercise already. Now you’re breathing a little faster and moving with energy. If you choose to feel relaxed now. and do so now! Fabulous! Take a deep breath in and feel good about yourself now. Then step into this person and know what it feels like to be this way. however. feeling that confidence surge up and down in the center of your chest. breathing a little bit faster. fire off your anchor. each time making the emotion more and more intense. Very good. because you are such an amazing person. focus your attention. a sparkle in your eye. Perhaps you chose to feel enthusiastic and motivated.Get Out of Your Way! that emotion in his/her body. once you get the general idea of how an anchor is structured. Touch your body. make it twice as strong now. Get into state. Your breathing becomes slow and deep. I slapped my leg and said. If your emotion of choice is confidence. notice how you are standing taller. I realize that this exercise may not be as powerful because you’re reading it from a book. clap your hands. Do this ten times in a row. notice how your shoulder blades start to lower just like they did before. Then make the emotion even stronger and fire off your anchor again. Take your time and do this now. My friend Bill said this is how it went for him. chin up. Perhaps. However. Your body language is more expressive. motivation. feeling stronger. a smile on your face. or whichever emotion you chose. and my trigger was slapping my right thigh as I said the word “YES!” I thought back to a memory of when I made a really big sale last year. and when you feel the emotion become even more intense. shoulders back. make this happen. and/ or say your trigger word(s). Whatever the emotion is. You’re leaning forward and feeling the blood pumping through your veins. and you’re talking a little faster than normal. “YES!” I repeated 156 . you can wait until you’re naturally in the state you want to anchor and then repeatedly fire off your trigger. “The emotion I wanted to anchor was confidence. Move your body. Double that emotion! Make it twice as intense! Double your relaxation.

If you begin to feel the emotion come up inside you. I now feel like creating some new ones!” Once you get the anchor established. and I instantly slapped my thigh and said. you just need more practice rehearsing your anchor. Even when the anchor works very well. You may still be a bit nervous. Then. suppose you have a presentation coming up and you want to feel more confident. For example. and it made me want to stand up. Immediately your breathing becomes deeper. because you’ll need the extra boost of adrenaline to put on a really great presentation! Maybe you feel stressed a lot around your family and you want to feel more relaxed instead. when you are around your family and you start to get stressed. Your anchor might have been touching your thumb and first finger together as you take a deep breath in. “YES!” I don’t have to think about a particular memory any more. 157 . Do this repeatedly until you think of the presentation and naturally feel more confident. Perhaps you even add the words “relax. It made me feel good. recalling a few more times when I felt confident in the past.Chapter 18 Success Conditioning: Step Two this a couple of times and felt my confidence increase. imagine yourself in future situations where you’ll want to feel this way and trigger the emotion. Nobody but you will know you are doing this. First trigger the anchor. I repeated this exercise. you begin to smile. you can test it by clearing your mind and then firing off your anchor. but now I start to feel confident just by slapping my thigh and saying. I was pretty fired up! My leg hurt a little bit because I kept whacking it. First anchor the feeling of relaxation and then imagine being around your family. relax” in your own mind. Once you’ve got your anchor established. The trick is to feel the wanted emotion prior to visualizing the future event. If not or it only comes up a little bit. “YES!” I started to feel more energy in my body. In fact. and yet everyone will reap the benefits. and then imagine yourself confidently doing the presentation. and that’s good. and by the time I was done. Then I searched for another time when I felt confident and remembered helping my son complete a project last month. you’ll want to reinforce it whenever you can. and everything feels better. so I did. relax. great. and your shoulders will begin to soften. then fully feel the confidence run through you. instantly fire off your trigger without anyone knowing what you are doing.

Your unconscious mind and nervous system have been preprogrammed to respond to life in an empowering way. Fearful people—you guessed it— paint scary scenarios in their minds and unintentionally set “scared” anchors. and it will create what you tell it to. People who are insecure imagine themselves being insecure in various situations. just imagine that it does. relaxation. You’re deciding ahead of time how you are going to feel in any given situation and then you practice being this way in your mind. imagine that your anchor works perfectly every time. so just keep focusing on the outcomes that you want! In this way. You are actively deciding what you want to experience in life and making the choices that lead to it. Most people who panic in situations have previously imagined themselves panicking. at’s why it’s vitally important to focus on what you want. You don’t have to know how it keeps working out so beautifully. Imagine each scenario working out beautifully every time and the anchor just keeps getting stronger and stronger so that you can count on it working when you need it most! You may even want to create separate anchors for motivation. you’re actually planning out your future. Your mind is incredibly powerful. Now that you are aware of how some of this process works. you can begin to consciously and then unconsciously create ongoing positive anchors and self-fulfilling prophecies.Get Out of Your Way! In your mind. That’s why it’s always so important to focus on what you want. and confidence! Your mind is incredibly powerful and it will create what you tell it to. so when that situation arises you instinctively know what to do. Imagine yourself in all kinds of crazy situations and that somehow they keep working out to your advantage. Your unconscious is quite good at figuring out all the little details. and this is what I mean by creating your life by design. We are all in a continual process of setting anchors and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. When life gets chaotic and you find yourself automatically responding to it gracefully and with 158 .

Nobody said you couldn’t do so more than once. Notice how you initially feel when thinking of this event. fire off your newly established anchor and visualize it working perfectly. you won’t be able to help but smile from ear to ear. confident. you’ll be well prepared to handle it in the way you most want to. All this requires is a little strategy and some practice! ! Setting a Future Anchor Let’s go through an exercise for creating a positive self-fulfilling prophecy. motivated. See. so you fire off the anchor again and again. Keep firing off your anchor until you reach the desired emotional state. If you want to feel relaxed. Often people react to a situation and later play the “I wish I would have said this or done that” game. If you want more energy. you also continually adjust your mental focus and physiology so that your mind and body match the emotion you want to experience. hear. There will be no need to think you should have done something differently because you will have handled the situation in the best possible way at that time. or however you would like to feel. Let’s go through this again. You’re utilizing a powerful combination of tools to access an empowered 159 . but now you feel calm and confident when similar events occur in the future.Chapter 18 Success Conditioning: Step Two leadership. Not only do you trigger your anchor. As soon as you start to notice the negative emotion occurring in the future. and then fire off your anchor. Perhaps you only feel a minor change in the way you feel. Think of a time in the future when you’d like to feel calm. or feel yourself taking action and responding appropriately to the situation. Imagine a rush of positive feelings flood your mind and body. Allow your mind to conjure up situations and scenarios that used to upset you in the past. Take a deep breath and imagine drifting into your future. soften your shoulders and imagine hearing the ocean in your head as you trigger your anchor. Focus in on a particular event that you might be worrying about and get in touch with those feelings. Instantly find yourself feeling relaxed and focused. Here is an opportunity to plan ahead so that when the opportunity arises. stand up straight and open your body as you trigger your anchor.

and so on. D. Thus. once you decide what your intended outcome will be. If plan A doesn’t work. Visualizing yourself in the future provides an opportunity to handle situations in a variety of ways without consequences.Get Out of Your Way! state. and where it could take you. relaxation. It’s like having a backup plan. I’ve found people’s imaginations to be incredibly accurate. and most people respond to you based on the unconscious vibes and nonverbal messages that you’re regularly sending. use Plan B. or fourth reading. positive anchors. Once you know where you want to go. and confidence. Clarify your intentions and outcomes in advance and your ability to influence others will greatly increase. Playing out each choice. C. Just for fun. The number one way to influence another is through influencing your own mind by clarifying your intentions and outcomes in advance. if one thing doesn’t work. probably because your life is created by your imagination. In this way. Once you play out potential scenarios and the results of your decisions and behaviors. This is a great technique for making excellent decisions. your mind will unconsciously send messages to another’s unconscious that encourage the intended response. the others will. In leading thousands of people through this future-based exercise. you can set off all your anchors consecutively until you’re feeling unstoppable! The amount of courage and raw energy you experience can be phenomenal! 160 . You might wonder how accurate your imagination will be since you can’t know for sure how others will react to you in real life situations. I encourage you to reread this chapter and to go through the exercises often. Reviewing this material will allow you to continue breaking old anchors that are holding you back. Some of the ideas I’m expressing will jump right out at you. you may want to create separate anchors for motivation. third. trust that your mind will flow in that direction. It will also help you to reinforce new. you can choose which actions lead to the best possible result. Others won’t be revealed until the second. is a wonderful method for clarifying your best options. Remember.

You don’t have to “hope” it happens for you. and it’s because of the journey you’re on right now.Chapter 18 Success Conditioning: Step Two Then imagine yourself in the future thinking. because you are designing it at this very moment. and your destiny is coming to you. 161 . The Law of Attraction is in action. Pretend that you have everything you’ve ever wanted. feeling. This very second your life is being shaped into a masterpiece! You are creating the kind of life that you have always dreamed of. and behaving in exactly the way you want to.

Get Out of Your Way! 162 .

<=$L%A(?"@$$$$$$$$$$$$$ X<@")$7)"??()" that you have established new beliefs. feelings.. make it big.?"H :#+. Perhaps you imagine yourself slouched over.Chapter Nineteen :#+.%<$/G")A. or behaviors. and 2) experience new. Whatever you experience will be right for you. now imagine this picture in full color and pretend that you can step into it for just a second so that you can fully experience all the 163 Now . and stick it in the center of your picture frame. Whether you actually see the picture frame or just imagine one is fine. In the center of this picture frame create an elevenby-eighteen inch snapshot of the unwanted behavior that you would like to eliminate from your life right now. 3)+<?&%)F+#. Imagine seeing or hearing yourself engaging in this behavior that’s created so much pain in your life. overcome selfsabotaging behaviors. and behaviors instead. it’s time to teach you how to maintain that mindset no matter what challenges you face. feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Whatever the behavior is for you.. and learned to anchor the positive thoughts that will bring success. feelings. whatever your circumstances. desirable thoughts. Read through the instructions and do the exercise first. Imagine a large picture frame in front of you. and you’re procrastinating. Good. Then I’ll explain how this all works.<=$L%A(?"@$(<@")$7)"??()" The following exercise is designed to help you do two things: 1) prevent you from slipping back into old unwanted thoughts.

and faded. excited feeling inside. The large color image of the unwanted behavior is going to fall down into the bottom corner of the frame and become small. It only creates pain. but it will grow. If you did this right. you’re going to say the word “Swish!” out loud. fuzzy. Imagine yourself standing tall. black and white. You should now have two pictures in the picture frame: The large color photo of the unwanted behavior in the center of the frame and a small black and white photo of the wanted behavior in the bottom corner. Take your time and do this now. ! (I’ll explain later. Create a snapshot of how you are now going to think. you should be feeling kind of yucky right now. The wallet-sized photo of the wanted behavior that represents you feeling strong. and behave. When you look at this picture.Get Out of Your Way! uncomfortable. painful feelings that are associated with this unwanted behavior. In a moment. feel. and shrink it down so that it seems quite tiny and lifeless. This image shows the person that you are becoming and the behaviors you will now engage in. a sparkle in your eye. What color is your car? Great! That’s a nice color. Do this now. deep breath and think about the color of your car. It may feel small at first. This small picture represents the wanted behavior. confidence. You want your mind very clear of the fact that this behavior causes you pain. and empowered is going to shoot up into the center of the picture frame with great speed. A feeling of hope. Switch these two images as quickly as you can! 164 . shoulders back. and become big and bright and colorful. Now make this smaller photo of the wanted behavior black and white.) As you focus in again on the picture frame that holds the unwanted behavior. and a smile on your face. I want you to place in the bottom corner of this frame a walletsized image that represents how you would now like to behave. As you say the word “Swish!” imagine those two pictures switching places and attributes. Now step out of the picture and keep it located in front of you. and motivation should begin to emerge. confident. At some level your mind might believe that this behavior somehow protects you. It will seem to jump right in front of you as the other picture fades from your awareness. Now take a full. you should get a warm. but it does not. chin up.

focused. those two pictures return back to their original positions. Take a deep breath in and relax your shoulders. hiding the frame from your eyes. The unwanted behavior moves to the center of the frame. Curtain opens . unwanted picture drops down into the corner of the frame. taking on the attributes of small and black and white. and motivated in every way.Chapter 19 Staying Focused Under Pressure Ready . The wanted behavior moves to the bottom corner of the frame. taking on their original attributes. “Swish!” The new picture instantly jumps up into the center of the frame. As you do.?6-] Immediately that old. imagine the pictures reluctantly moving back to their original positions. In a moment the curtain will lift once again. It even seems to move closer toward you. \:K. confident. Behind this curtain. and bright! Outstanding! Now pretend that a large curtain lowers down over the picture frame. The key to this is in how fast you can get those two pictures to switch places. As soon as you can imagine seeing the unwanted picture (behavior). Fantastic! You’re doing great! Now let that curtain drop back down over the picture frame again. Simultaneously. In a moment. The old picture falls down into the corner of the frame and becomes even smaller. As soon as you see or think about the old 165 . . dimmer. taking on the attributes of big and colorful. say the word “Swish!” This will trigger the two pictures to switch places and attributes once more.?6-] You see the unwanted picture with the old feelings. blocking your view of anything else. which makes you feel more hopeful. empowering image of you strong. becoming a tiny black and white and so faded that you barely notice it. \:K. close. and hazier than before! The desired picture gets bigger and brighter than ever. and taking positive action jumps into the center of the frame big. . . the new. this curtain will quickly lift. . revealing the picture frame again.

feelings. “Swish!” Immediately you imagine yourself thinking.Get Out of Your Way! unwanted behavior. \:K. it instantly triggers the swish-switch. We want to condition your brain to do this automatically. . you will be freaking amazed! 166 . feeling. it triggers the new behavior instead. right in front of you. and once the link is firmly established in your brain. you must practice this swish pattern fifty times. Imagine starting to slip into an old habit of procrastinating and then “Swish!” the thought or feeling of wanting to take immediate action blazes into your mind. It goes pretty quickly. Therefore your mission is to do this “Swish!” pattern fifty times. feelings. empowered you continues to expand as it fills up the entire picture frame. or feel the old thoughts. unconsciously. Curtain opens . Imagine starting to procrastinate and then suddenly feeling a rush of enthusiasm and motivation course through you. that’s exactly what doing this exercise repeatedly will create for you. That would be pretty amazing. or behaving in the more desirable way! Imagine yourself in full color. and consistently. unwanted habit and your mind blasts you with the new feeling and action without any conscious effort on your part. The picture of the new. . hear. and behaviors immediately appear in your mind’s eye. and motivated! This particular exercise is referred to as a swish pattern. you are now transforming them and using them to your advantage. Just make sure you do it. The new thoughts. it should be permanent. It’s even brighter and more colorful than ever before. For this to happen. you will want to do this! The first time you revert back to an old. You can be a maniac and do it all right now or you can space it out over the next couple of days. Either way is fine. The goal is to create a link between the unwanted and wanted behaviors so that every time you begin to engage in the unwanted behavior. excited.?6-] See. which makes you feel even more confident. Trust me. or behaviors. This time the unwanted picture crumbles and falls out of the frame completely. Instead of trying to eliminate old behaviors. larger than ever. right? Well.

rear side of your head. “Swish!” The empowering picture and all the wonderful feelings that go with it instantly jumps into the forefront of your mind. and you start to retreat back into old pain-producing habits. Imagine how your voice sounds when you start to procrastinate. more powerful and motivated voice drowns it out as it blasts loudly in front of you. If this is the case for you. I’ll do it later.” Great. but you don’t see it clearly in your head. familiar voice in the back of your head. Hey. and there’s no energy to it. What might this voice say when it’s really motivating? Perhaps. and you’re doing great. and then all of a sudden something goes wrong. This voice may be higher or deeper pitched and sound stronger and more energetic.Chapter 19 Staying Focused Under Pressure Making it Work in the Future Let’s add one more element to this exercise. for example. what color is your car again? Okay. Maybe this voice seems to come from the front center part of your head. meaning that you are easily able to visualize pictures in your mind. try the following exercise instead. Auditory people don’t really see pictures. confident. You immediately feel strong. Imagine starting to hear that old. “Do it now! Let’s go!” Now run the swish pattern. The pitch is probably low. Suddenly you imagine yourself getting refocused once more. Take a few minutes and fully play this out in the theatre of your imagination now. and in control now and in the future. “I don’t feel like it. and then all of a sudden. Auditory people prefer talking things out in their minds. An Auditory Alternative That particular swish pattern works well for those who are visual. Imagine yourself in the future. If you attempted to do this exercise but had a hard time picturing the images I described. and you know what things look like. Perhaps the voice sounds like it’s coming from the left. You see that old picture. perhaps months from now. Everything’s wonderful. and suddenly the stronger. now imagine how your voice might sound if you were incredibly motivated. do the following modified exercise. those old doubts. those old insecurities. 167 . What might that voice say when it wants you to procrastinate? Perhaps. You might get glimpses of something in your imagination.

I asked her to get in touch with the fearful feelings she experienced when it rained. Brian. The last thing you want is to feel highly motivated to procrastinate. Want to know why I asked you the color of your car? It was a pattern interrupt. which immediately drowns out any weaker voices. however. Then I asked her what color it was.” Then I asked her how she would like to feel when it rained. Sarah. She said. If you think this applies to you. Sarah was able to get through rainstorms just fine. She would get really scared when it rained outside. If you want to keep it really simple. I asked what was happening. These people have a representational system that is more kinesthetic. Their gut reactions usually drive their behaviors. and swished it to “green. described a heavy sensation in his stomach whenever he procrastinated. The Feelings Approach Still there are others who don’t see things or hear things as much as they feel them. so can you. “I want to feel safe like when my mom holds me. or physical. ! 168 . Keep using the first voice to trigger the second one until it happens automatically.” We then did a simple swish pattern in which Sarah thought of it raining. a kinesthetic client of mine. When he felt motivated. Imagine getting in touch with the feeling that you get when you procrastinate.” We repeated this three times. I didn’t want you intertwining them. If a ten-yearold can use this swish pattern to overcome her limitations. She said. So we used the sensation and the location of the feelings in the swish pattern. and Sarah started smiling broadly. Kinesthetic people tend to go by how they feel. I wanted you to feel two separate and distinct emotions. in nature.” I asked her to get in touch with that feeling and then to give it a color. She said. felt the “red” feeling. there was a light. motivated voice is coming through a high-powered Bose audio system. do the following. She said.” From then on. tingling sensation in his chest. do what my ten-year-old client. “It looks green. It makes me feel good. “Red. did.Get Out of Your Way! Imagine that the more empowered. “I hear the rain and I see a green rainbow.

where do you feel it in your body? Perhaps you think back to a time when you were curled up on the couch next to a fireplace.%<$/G")A. As you think about this memory. Perhaps you were on vacation and you got to sleep in.?"H X<?#%88+S9"$1%<&.@"<A"$. imagine drawing a large circle in front of you using your favorite color of paint. more colorful. As you bring 169 . make it bigger. As you replay this memory in your mind. confident feelings at will! Because your actions are dictated by your emotions. think about the last time you really felt relaxed. and turn up any relaxing sounds. Or maybe you were reclining back in your favorite chair watching a movie. Step Three: As you begin to re-experience that sensation of relaxation from recalling this memory. You see the warm.Chapter Twenty X<?#%88+S9"$1%<&.@"<A" exercise will help you to generate strong. and clearer. Step Two: Next.<$3"<$:#"8?H$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !"<")+#. what is it specifically that makes it so relaxing for you? What are you seeing in your mind? What are you hearing and feeling? When you feel really relaxed. take a deep breath in and visualize yourself stepping forward into the circle you drew a moment ago. the following 3)+<?&%)F+#. and your arms and legs go loose and limp. You can feel the heat from the fireplace.<=$'%()$1. and there’s soft music playing in the background. red blanket. intensify the emotions using the submodalities (characteristics) you learned about earlier.)A9"$%&$7%K") Step One: In your mind. Make the memory brighter. Bring it closer.

and as you stand in the center of it. and when you feel as confident as you can in this moment. confident emotion. including the images. hear. Take another deep breath. exiting the circle of power and leaving all the relaxing emotions inside. You hear his words and feel the pat on your back. but now you also feel that inner strength that comes from being internally empowered as well. and achieved it. sounds. what is it specifically that makes you feel confident? What do you see. Take your time and do this now. and feel? Perhaps you did really well on a project and your manager complimented you. think back to a time when you felt very confident. From the outside of your circle. and use the same tone of voice. Perhaps it was a time when you set a goal. Hold your body the way you did when you felt confident in the past. Make it strong. imagine stepping forward into your circle of power. and then double the feeling of confidence. and sensations into your circle of power. Choose a memory like this and experience it in the same way that you did with the relaxing memory. Say to yourself what you said or heard then. Or you may just sense that each time you enter this circle. envision the circle being filled with great feelings of relaxation. you become more focused. followed through. deep breath and sit or stand up straight. Take a full. In your circle of power. and you feel a rush of excitement course through your body. Confidence and pride fill your chest. you feel saturated with a feeling of security and ease. Allow your body to fill with that strong. Immediately sense that feeling of relaxation that was established before. This feels good. Maybe you won an award or received recognition for a job well done. A sense of comfort and peace engulfs the circle. Step Four: Next. you begin to feel powerful. you’re filled with sensations of incredible calm.Get Out of Your Way! the memory. In this memory. you might imagine swirling lights or waves of relaxing emotion floating within your circle. 170 . Get this feeling moving through your body again right now. with the lights swirling around. and then take a step backward. As the confident and relaxing emotions combine.

think back to a time when you felt incredibly persistent. Although you are feeling exceptionally good now. Know now with confidence that you can 171 . and then continue to the next step. strong. positive. A time when you decided that you were going to get your way no matter what it took. pleasurable feelings that you have created. do the same thing you did with the circle before. imagine immediately feeling relaxed. Do this now. You are powerful. and persistent. It makes you feel motivated! Enjoy this sensation and then exit your circle and admire the swirling vortex of power you have created. focused. Do this now. and persistent. This incredible combination of emotions makes you a force to be reckoned with. confident. maybe even stubborn. you will immediately feel more relaxed. and then confidently take a step back as you exit your circle of power. Step Six: Standing outside your circle of power now. Once you have this memory. Add as many positive emotional states as you wish. Step Seven: Fantastic! Imagine standing in the center of your circle of power soaking in the powerful. confident. Young kids provide many examples of persistence when they want something. even when their parents say no. and if you put your sights on something. Think of something that you persisted in getting and then got. and powerful. loving. confident.Chapter 20 Unstoppable Confidence Absorb this wonderful sensation. are there any other emotions you’d like to add to the circle? Is there another specific emotion that you would like to experience more often? If so. go through the same process that you did when feeling relaxed. Maybe you got hungry in the middle of the night. Or it might have been a particular job or position in a company that you set your sights on and pursued until you attained it. Do this now. so you drove to every grocery store in town until you found one that was open. know that every time you step into this circle. and focused. Use your imagination to intensify the emotions. you’re going to get it! This makes you feel good. It makes you feel strong. As you step into your circle. Step Five: Well done! Now. and then imagine bringing that emotion into your circle of power.

you create the feelings you experience throughout the day. This feels great. create a mental snapshot of it. You go to them. If so. . emotions that help you believe in yourself and the beauty of your dreams. Step forward into your circle and add this particular emotion to the mix. Perhaps there’s a goal that. Step Ten: Wonderful. This is how. imagine your circle and bring the emotion into it. Out of the dozens of emotional states that you could experience in a day. and get in touch with the uncomfortable or fearful feelings that accompany it. . Maybe it’s a problem or decision you’re facing that’s making you feel insecure or doubtful.Get Out of Your Way! achieve anything you want in life by keeping these driving emotions alive within you. Doing so will actually strengthen all the emotions that are already in there. Do this now. 172 . Believe with certainty that when in this circle you have the courage to succeed at making your life a masterpiece! You are becoming the person you have always wanted to be right this second. Step Nine: Now step out of your circle and notice if there is anything that you’d like to remove from your circle. Some think that feelings just happen. I imagine it was fairly easy to get in touch with those fearful emotions. there are about six that you habitually go to. Take your time and do this now. But feelings don’t come to you. if you fully committed. Very good. especially as you reinforce your circle of power over time.” Envision a situation like this in your mind. People go to insecure emotional states much more often than confident states. You may even suffer from a nagging fear that “it’s never going to happen. The only problem is that you keep shutting down instead. . doesn’t it? Sure it does! And the feelings will become even stronger over time. think of something that’s been troubling or concerning you. it would result in a substantial upgrade in the quality of your life. For the final step in this exercise. Step Eight: Each time you naturally feel empowered. Make sure the circle contains only good feelings that reassure and compliment you. Notice I said “go to.” Remember. imagine vacuuming it up or vaporizing it with a laser beam.

enthusiasm. Then I’d go back to anxiety and start the cycle all over again. Eventually. I’d snap myself out of this pity party mood by thinking that if I didn’t pick myself back up and start moving forward again. fear. I discovered I wasn’t alone. I’d never get what I wanted. It turns out that this is a common cycle among entrepreneurs. and sadness. disasters. What’s the real worry or fear if you get down to the nitty-gritty? Is it a fear of rejection or failure? Are you afraid of looking bad or getting hurt? Identify the specific fear now. you can change it in the same way that I did through utilizing your circle in the following way. with great enthusiasm. I’d let my fears begin to get the best of me until I finally lost my motivation and drive and became sad. Yet. but after talking with thousands of business professionals. take a deep breath. Once you’ve created a snapshot of the fear-producing situation you’d like to eliminate from your life. immediately 173 . I’d begin to feel as though I weren’t making the kind of progress that I thought I should be making.Chapter 20 Unstoppable Confidence Feelings don’t come to you. and imagine dragging this snapshot into your circle of power. and from it comes nothing but mistakes. Is it yours? If it is. You go to them. frustration. I’d begin to feel anxious because I knew my life could be more than it currently was. and letdowns. motivation. and I was off again. the six emotional states I continually generated were anxiety. identify specifically what it is that’s upsetting you. Before I made the changes in my life that I am asking you to make in yours. That’s when I’d start getting frustrated. after a while. This is what it was like. The anxiety I felt from having that thought compelled me to get motivated once more. As you think about the memory or situation that’s been holding you back. Frustration is an extremely limited state of mind. As you do. I would begin setting and accomplishing hundreds of goals and tasks during the week. Suddenly I’d get a surge of motivation to charge forward and. For quite a while I thought maybe I had bipolar disorder.

get in the habit of entering a resourceful state by stepping in to your circle of power. and whatever else you added. and the fastest way to enter this state of resourcefulness is through stepping forward into your circle of power. if you have other self-limiting fears or situations. An idea enters your mind.” When you feel secure and resourceful.Get Out of Your Way! notice how the picture instantly transforms. This will remind you that you have many choices that are available to you at any given moment. any situation will feel more within your control. Taking action will make you feel empowered. When people get scared and shut down. you’ve already taken the most important first step. and both are typically unattractive. Situations that once appeared so scary or overwhelming are now shrinking as you gain perspective. Feeling relaxed. It’s not that big of a deal. confident. your mindset and feelings have. They are suddenly no big deal because you are not making them a big deal any more. creative force to be reckoned with. Often they only see one or two options available to them. you’ll start getting more desirable outcomes. by doing this exercise. Before taking that action. drag them one at a time into your circle and transform them! Because you are becoming 174 . the fear suddenly becomes smaller and seems more fragile. “I can handle this. resourceful state. You are in control! You are strong! You are tough! You are way more powerful than any situation or singular event! You are an incredible. In fact. Actually. focused. and the ability and resilience within you is simply awesome! Take this snapshot and transform it into a movie of you taking charge and being proactive while feeling confident and resourceful. persistent. they enter a very limited state of awareness. Although the particular details of this once-fearful snapshot have not changed. Then decide what action steps you can take today to produce the positive outcomes you desire. Imagine now feeling in control and in charge as you imagine the once-fearful feelings evaporating and being replaced with feelings of peace and confidence. As you take action from a secure. and this is what will make all the difference. Procrastinating will make you feel insecure and doubtful.

The whole decision-making process becomes easier because you realize that nothing is finite. 175 . Again. situations that at one time seemed insurmountable will now be conquered. and then make another decision based on the feedback you got. and you always have the choice to make that feedback work to your advantage.Chapter 20 Unstoppable Confidence more assertive and self-confident each day. which eliminates the fear of failure because from this perspective. it was never the situations themselves but your interpretations that mattered most. just feedback. There’s always another choice available to you. Over time you’ll discover things working out easier for you. take action. you simply make a choice. because instead of debating situations or procrastinating. get results. there’s only feedback. No failure.

Get Out of Your Way! 176 .

Your unconscious is responsible for manifesting reality. So you better make damn sure that you’re feeding your genie what you actually want.F+#"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :(AA"??$:"A)"#$ other tools to reach your goals.Chapter Twenty-One 36"$X9#. First. Creating a Supportive External Environment What kind of environment do you surround yourself with? What kind of television programs or movies do you watch? What kind of books do you read? (Here is where you say “I’m reading a great one right now!” !) Do you listen to audiobooks? What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of people do you hang out with? Do you attend inspirational classes or seminars? Do you have a place in your home where you can relax or be revitalized? Do you have a place where you can go to be motivated or spiritually refreshed? The answers to those very important questions will reveal a lot about how your unconscious mind is currently being programmed! Remember what we said earlier in the book: Your genie doesn’t care what’s good or bad for you. To accomplish this. focus on what you want and fill your day (and your mind) with activities and people that support it! You’ve begun to take action with a powerful positive attitude and 177 . your external environment. That’s the function of your conscious. Now I’ll reveal the ultimate secret for remaining courageous. competent. and happy throughout your lifetime: Create an internal and external environment that supports your goals and dreams. not judging it.

“It fills your brain with negativity that your unconscious mind then processes all night long. John Grey. or went for walks. or successful as I wished to be. violent movies—try turning it off for a week. Deepak Chopra. happy. For many. Zig Ziglar. I truly believe that I learned more about how to be confident. The only way to find out is to dive in. So I went to the local library in search of mentors. Steven King (not 178 . and some will be golden. confident. Motivational legend Zig Ziglar continually warned people about watching the news before going to bed. That was one of the best decisions I ever made. cut the grass. or tune in to the uplifting segments and movies. My advice is to grab any title that jumps out to you and read or listen to it. and see if your spirits lift. Scott Peck. and successful from those free books at the library than all eight years that I went to college and graduate school for psychology. Some of the material will be garbage. My money says they do! Libraries and Bookstores Want to continually reinforce your positive outlook and motivation? Get to the local library or bookstore and pick up some audiobooks for the car and motivational books for your nightstand! I strongly recommend you immerse yourself in audio programs and books like the one you are reading right now. I didn’t actually know anyone who was as positive.” This is because you are feeding your mind pure glumness and misery while your mind is in a naturally hypnotic state! Show anyone a program full of murder. I figured I could meet some people through the books they wrote. If I didn’t know anyone personally. My friends were Tony Robbins. it’s the number one reason for why they wake up in the morning feeling tired and agitated. Brian Tracy. When first beginning my journey of self-improvement. I used to grab four or five audiobooks at a time and listen to them all day long while I drove. violence. and rape before going to sleep and they are going to suffer from it! If you watch the local news—or negative. I attribute most of my success to the audiobooks that I borrowed from the library. Wayne Dyer.Get Out of Your Way! Television and Movies Many people who watch their local news before going to sleep report feeling tired or grouchy in the morning.

and the walk will never happen. I want you to be happy. If you grew up in a family full of overweight people. Instead.Chapter 21 The Ultimate Success Secret motivational. I want you to succeed. If you’re trying to lose weight. If it pulls you down. I want you to have the best life possible! People You want to hang around people like me because I want what’s best for you with no strings attached! This is what those authors wanted for me. words of advice. I haven’t met most of these authors. if you truly want to be successful. Here is a great example of what not to do. Thus. and this is what I want for you. and yet I still feel like we are close friends. As soon as she cancels on you—and she will—you’ll immediately lose all motivation. Have you ever heard this expression: “If you want to fly like an eagle. I am here to support. realize that your income will likely be the average of the five people you hang around most. but a great story teller). that is not the hand you should be reaching for. If you model (mimic) 179 . If you’re working toward financial freedom. you must model those who you wish to be like and avoid those who provide a poor example. inspire. When you reach for another’s hand. don’t hang out with turkeys”? It came from the idea that you become who you most hang out with most. If it pulls you down. I’ve listened to their life experiences. Perhaps you will do the same for others if you’re not already doing so. and triumphs and failures so many times that they have become a part of my life. When you reach for another’s hand. you have to call the skinny person you secretly hate and invite her for a walk. make sure it is pulling you up. and motivate you. make sure it is pulling you up. do not call your fat friend to go for walks with you. that is not the hand you should be reaching for. Just like I am becoming a part of your life right now. the odds are you will become overweight simply because you’re absorbing all the bad habits that make people heavy.

“What’s really going on here?” If your spouse is constantly upset. your husband may no longer feel significant or important to you. You may have certain friends that are fun to be with but poor role models when it comes to what you want from life. or focused solely on themselves. which can inspire balance and harmony. We often seem to attract our opposite when it comes to relationships. your wife may feel like your job is her competition. I realized that some of my old friendships had to be let go of.Get Out of Your Way! her attitude and behaviors toward being healthy and thinner. If you invest all of your energy and attention in your kids. Thus I recommend two excellent resources on relationships: Dr. First. Or perhaps you have friends who are constantly complaining. Moral of the story: Avoid crabby people. This was the biggest challenge for me. John Gray’s Men Are from Mars. or validation. complaining. and two dreamers would never get anything accomplished. This book isn’t about relationships. there actually is a positive intention behind it (a secondary gain). significance. Women Are from Venus 180 . One partner will be more easygoing and the other more cautious and analytical. step back from the situation and ask yourself. stop focusing on what your spouse is doing to you and instead focus on what you can do to improve the situation. shooting you down. is either a need for connection. ! If you feel your partner is critical or unsupportive. ! What happens when the person you’re married to is the one bringing you down? I’m asked this one often. These people are like crabs in a barrel. If you work many long hours. what s/he is really trying to convey to you is. at least until I had rooted myself in the new beliefs and behaviors that I desired. all the other crabs will work together to pull that one crab back down to the bottom. which is usually out of your partner’s conscious awareness. “I’m hurting! I’m in pain! I need your help!” Whether your partner has a lot of self-esteem issues or not. when they behave in this manner. Here’s the short answer. ready to escape. you’ll become this way too. or acting needy. If one crab climbs to the top of the barrel. That positive intention. although that’s a huge factor in how successful you will become in life. Two analyzers would drive each other crazy.

one of the attractions happened to be a local pilot who offered to take people up in his threeseater airplane so that they could view the fair from above. Last summer was Fred and Ethel’s sixty-fifth wedding anniversary. was a little rough around the edges. “Well. As they entered the fairgrounds. If you have a parent or sibling who is critical or discouraging. and consistent in telling him/her how you expect to be treated from now on. Fred. What they’ve learned from their experiences will transform your relationship! I’m also asked what to do in regards to extended family members who are unsupportive. lay down the ground rules. with an introduction by Tony Robbins. and the main reason it happens is because the kind souls tolerate it and play the helpless child role. Use the tools in this book to make you stronger. at least. Every year Ethel begged Fred to go for a plane ride. stubborn. and ten dollars is ten dollars.” she exclaimed. “Come on. I’d like to go. If you have to take care of this person because s/he is older and nobody else can do it. until last year. Ethel would say. At this particular fair. Do I sound harsh? What’s really harsh is how I’ve seen critical. Fred and Ethel were both in their late eighties. selfish people take advantage of really kind souls. “Look.” So they never went. They never went. Just because you have the same blood doesn’t mean they have the right to negatively influence your life. eventually they will either comply or get put in a home.” and every year Fred would reply. If you stay persistent. Fred. Ethel became excited. but you know it costs ten dollars. on the other hand. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Even if you call this person Mom or Dad. Let’s go this year. Each year Fred and Ethel attended the state fair. “the man with the plane is here again! Can we go?” Fred thought about it for a moment. Fred. and then systematically begin to teach people to treat you in the way you are now treating yourself (respectfully) or they will no longer be receiving your attention. and then behaved as 181 . s/he is just another person. and it was around the same time as the state fair. Ethel was an incredibly sweet and caring woman who’d do anything for anyone. distance yourself from that person. and every year Fred resisted.Chapter 21 The Ultimate Success Secret and Cloé Madanes’s Relationship Breakthrough.

” Meanwhile. I really wanted to say something. I even got scared a couple of times. but it costs ten dollars. one scream. and information. Heck. “This will get them for sure. But still he heard nothing. if I hear one noise. I’d like to. he didn’t hear a single sound from either one of them. Come on. he still didn’t hear even a peep from Fred or Ethel. “This gas isn’t cheap. But to his amazement. He began to think. “But. The richest people in the world have coaches. and I didn’t hear anything. if we don’t go now. “Well.” This time Ethel actually pulled Fred toward the plane. Finally the pilot landed the plane. Another thing you can do is join a social club where members have similar interests or are involved in charity work. I have to admit I am very impressed.” Fred replied.Get Out of Your Way! he always had. Finally. Fred submitted and they went. Fred. “Come on. and I’d like to make you an interesting proposition. coaches can make your life better. And when you did the roll where we went upside down and Fred fell out of the plane. the pilot overheard their conversation and approached them. and invest in their programs. seminars. we might not ever get to. one yelp. and we might never get the chance to do something like this ever again. positive role models that you can emulate. then the ride is absolutely free! However. “Ma’am. Let’s go. more telling him to go than asking. it’s ten dollars!” Ethel looked at Fred excitedly and said.” Ethel spoke up this time. “Yes. “That ride was so exciting. and as long as you’re quiet and I don’t hear one single peep out of you. I will take you both up in my airplane and give you the ride of your life. We all need coaches and positive influences in our lives.” Ethel replied.” Immediately the pilot hit the throttle and began diving and climbing and swooshing around. Oprah Winfrey has a life coach. The most successful people have coaches. We can do it. and ten dollars is ten dollars. It doesn’t matter how happy or successful you already are. this is true. But ten dollars is ten dollars!” Find a couple of mentors. He thought. As the pilot started the engine and took off. I need that ten dollars. We’re not that young anymore. He leaned his head back and said. Fred. I really gave it to you. “Excuse me. If you wish to grow a 182 . but ten dollars is still ten dollars. You should have one too. I overheard your conversation.” He thrust the throttle from side to side and completed a full upside down barrel roll.

the books you read. You would not expect to squeeze an orange and have lemon juice seep out. the shows you view on television. love. and other problems. but it’s not worth chancing it any longer. Create the Best External Environment for You The people you surround yourself with will have a strong influence over your life and so will the movies you watch. His point was that when life puts the squeeze on you. and the social situations you include yourself in. It doesn’t matter how strong or positive you think you are. Therefore. or calm focus? Much of what’s inside of you is a result of what’s being absorbed from around you because you soak in your surrounding environment like a sponge. It may not topple you completely. money pressures.Chapter 21 The Ultimate Success Secret business. how do you respond? What comes out of you? Do you react with anger. Your surrounding environment is very influential. begin right now to build a stronger. orange juice comes out because that’s what’s inside. When responding to critical people. It will be difficult for you to meet other supportive people if you never leave the house. Wayne Dyer once said that when you squeeze an orange. how you respond is determined by what’s inside of you. join a powerful networking group in your area and introduce yourself to people you can learn from. stressful time constraints. sadness. You could also go to a local bookstore and join their book clubs and social events. frustration. Much of what’s inside of you is a result of what’s being absorbed from around you. It will be difficult for you to meet other supportive people if you never leave the house. more supportive atmosphere for you to immerse yourself in so that when life puts the 183 . it will eventually wear you down. If you’re in the midst of a toxic environment long enough.

if you’re going through difficult times. support groups can be wonderful. Hang around those who have already overcome what you’re going through so that you have someone to model yourself after. motivated people who are striving to be the best that they can be. determination. and strength is what’s released because that’s what’s inside. Remember. One thing to avoid may be “support groups. and joining positive social groups are all great individually. courage. However. adding them all together and making them a part of your life will transform you! I listen to audiobooks daily. eagles and turkeys. You can do the same. The group you join must be supportive and focused on solutions. Gathering with others who are as lost as you is not the goal. There’s a reason we don’t eat eagles on Thanksgiving. Just be selective of the groups you attend. Reading books. especially because of medical or health reasons.Get Out of Your Way! squeeze on you. Start out small and begin building your external supportive environment.” Initially. having coaches. I’ve lectured for a couple of groups that received many secondary gains from playing the victim. I have several motivational books on the nightstand by my bed. attending seminars. 184 . and I’ve surrounded myself with successful. I’m chapter president of a local networking group (BNI).

After a while. Thus it makes sense to heavily monitor this external information. it will no longer surprise you as to why you’ve felt the way you have. You’ll be surprised. Pay particular attention to what they say to themselves. how much people’s words sabotage their own efforts. 3)+<?&%)F+#. doing your best to make sure it is of a positive and emotionally supportive nature.Chapter Twenty-Two B%K$#%$O""8$*6+#$'%($ B+M"$4<A"$#6"$!%+9$0?$ 2A6. Also notice how this forces you to pay attention to the things you focus on and say to yourself each day. perhaps even shocked. The reason your external environment is so important is because it 185 . The unconscious mind is heavily programmed by the information coming in through your senses.%<$/G")A.?"H J. What you consistently see and hear gets recorded and acted upon by the portion of your brain that controls 80 percent of what you do. especially visual and auditory input.?#"< Listen to the conversations other people have over the next week."M"@ directly influences your internal environment.

Creating a Supportive Internal Environment As we discussed in the previous chapter.” “Life’s a bitch and then you die. Demanding respect from someone else without respecting yourself will never work. Just because you have the same blood doesn’t mean they have the right to abuse or disrespect you or that you should let them. For example.” “Nobody is buying anything in this economy!” “If he wouldn’t have said this. I deserve to treat myself. Demanding respect from someone without respecting yourself will never work. and role models.” “Every time it happens.” “Why me?” Even though it’s not what’s happening around you but how you’re interpreting it that determines your experience. I’ve worked with more clients than I can count who were torn between anger and guilt because they were in charge of caring for a parent who 186 .Get Out of Your Way! Examples of Negative Self-talk: “It’s going to be one of those days. Yet most people continue doing this.” “How’s it going?” “Well. it’s Monday. the best way to improve your self-talk is to hear others speaking positively around you. They attempt to manipulate or bargain for another’s approval by sacrificing themselves. certain family members can be toxic to your personal and professional success. You must demand respect for yourself by giving it to yourself first.” “It’s Murphy’s Law. I wouldn’t have said that. it will be much easier for you to feel good if you are around good things. audiobooks.” “It’s been a long day. That’s why I recommend inspirational movies. I just get so mad. Teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

and when your mom starts on about your sister.” I hear “I can’t. standing up for yourself is for you. The only way to escape this pain-producing cycle is to spend more time chasing your own approval! In fact. “This too may be correct. it is driven by the fact that this woman still seeks the approval of her mother. and it won’t change when your mother dies. However. After all. “You’d think my sister was made of gold. Clients go on to justify their behaviors by saying. “I do everything for my mother. by myself. Are you going to continue staying the same? Allowing others to disrespect or take you for granted is very childish and immature. She’s not going to change now. Thus she sacrifices her own self-esteem by tolerating the disrespect of her mother. not for her. once you give yourself what you truly need. Although this may be a factual statement. and it’s never good enough. You will continue to seek out the approval from others because you’re not getting it from yourself.” That’s the guilt talking. She’s constantly saying that my sister would have done it this way and she’s so much better at doing that! If my sister’s so damn great. you’ll be able to smile or laugh to yourself because it won’t matter anymore. it’s very sad that your mother never loved herself enough to realize how amazing the daughter who takes care of her has become. too. She’s been this way her whole life.” one client stated.” I reply.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved had made them feel “less than” their sibling(s) growing up. She needs me. where the hell is she? I’m the one taking care of my mother. “It wouldn’t make any difference anyway. 187 . and I’m sick of it!” Every time I’ve ever responded with “Then stop taking care of her. You’ll finally be free. you won’t need it from your mother anymore. have acted this way your whole life.” e only way to escape the pain-producing cycle of a toxic human environment is to love and respect yourself and your creator. The guilt and anger toward your mother will be replaced with a sense of compassion and pity. You.

“I LOVE ME!” Do this now! Today you are going to begin giving yourself what you need instead of trying to get it through others! Did you do it? I hope so. You’ll need to hear and feel this all the time to really believe in it! Go for it! Self-esteem comes from taking positive action. If not. you and I are going to make a deal together. or connection. do it again. The fastest way to let someone know that you love him/her is to tell him/her so and offer a hug. however. Self-esteem comes from taking positive action. “I LOVE ME!” Any resistance you have toward doing this is stupid and immature.Get Out of Your Way! Beginning today. it probably does with someone you know. If you pretend you’re a doormat. that there is something you are seeking that you feel is “outside” of you. run your BS excuses for not doing this through the Six Power Questions. I bet. power. people will line up to walk over you. and that chapter of your life is now over! You are so much better than that! You are too worthy and too wonderful to be anyone’s marching 188 . significance. wealth. It could also be a feeling of success. pride. or respect. “I LOVE ME!” Go on. If you’ve already done so. Today you are going to begin giving yourself what you need instead of trying to get it through others! The fastest way to feel the way you want is by giving it to yourself. treat yourself in a loving way. Wrap those arms around yourself and declare to yourself and the world. okay? Even if you don’t think that the last example has anything to do with you. Just thinking it in your head will not convey the message! So take loving action and give this to yourself now. It could be a feeling of love. which will hopefully make you a little more understanding. Then stand in your power and declare. approval. If you want to feel loved. You can start this by giving yourself a BIG HUG right now as you say out loud.

most of how you behave is based on emotional. You must separate yourself from those old. 3)+<?&%)F+#. You are an incredibly beautiful human being and you deserve to be prosperous and abundant in all areas of your life. childish behaviors. You were not divinely created to hold back. No longer will you wait for “someday” to come around. and believing in yourself. Our Creator never designed anyone to be mediocre. you’re right. You were born to be the best that you can be. The faster you agree with me on this. Today is that day. even your own.%<$/G")A.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved ground. trusting. Most will treat you with more respect and dignity. You know deep down inside that there is more to life and that you are more than you have become. and sometimes completely 189 .” Today believe you can. When you treat yourself the way you want to be treated. You may be playing the part of someone who is fearful or limited.?"H X?"$#6"$7+?#$#%$'%()$2@M+<#+=" The following is a transformational exercise for believing in yourself and your own worthiness. You were born to be the best that you can be and to enjoy the growth process. even if they are family! Today you begin treating yourself in the way you ultimately want to be treated. when you act in this way. “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing. It goes against the very fabric of your being. others will begin to follow suit. Our Creator never designed anyone to be mediocre. and what you believe will happen for you. the sooner it will become your reality. but this is a learned pattern of behavior. These are the people you need to distance yourself from. which is why. As Henry Ford said. Although I’ve given you several logical justifications for loving. though not everyone will. Nor will you continue to pretend that you are less than who you really are. you feel frustrated or sad.

So many of my clients have been mentally imprisoned by feelings of unworthiness because their parents mistreated them. Children don’t really have any power and can often misinterpret events or others’ behaviors in ways that can negatively affect them their entire lives. you need to attend to these emotions that linger in your internal environment in order for authentic breakthroughs to occur. Because children place their parents on pedestals. At one time in her life. she actually did lose the weight. Wouldn’t it have been interesting if you would have had someone in your life who could have been there to console. We are dealing with emotional beliefs and childish feelings that control so many adult children today. comfort. or confusing moments? As an adult. They enter the world feeling like a burden. or offer an explanation during your most crucial. Again. The most frustrating thing for Angie was that even when she exercised and 190 . programming from the past. “I must be bad or unworthy of love for my parents to treat me this way. frightening. you now see the world in a much different way than you did when you were a child. Some even feel guilty for being born. meaningful. It’s powerful. and necessary. But before we begin. She was one hundred pounds overweight and had tried everything to lose it. The instructions are simple. allow yourself to do so. Angie came to see me for weight loss. The child thinks. So much about the world and the people in it can seem confusing and scary when you are a little girl or boy. Continue reading. As memories start to enter your conscious awareness.” The child does not have the mental maturity to rationalize that it is their parents who are immature and who have behaved badly. Thus. this is faulty parenting and not the child’s responsibility. But we are not dealing with logic here. I want to ask you a question. it can be incredibly challenging as a child to think that their mistreatment can be anything other than their own fault.Get Out of Your Way! irrational. stop reading and take as long as you need to complete the exercise. as though they had any kind of control over that. and as you are asked to think about certain things. This one visualization can change your entire life. but then quickly gained it all back.

If you recall from the beginning of the book. this means that she felt it was a crime that she had been born. friend. wore no makeup. but I felt a lot of guilt about being born. the weight came off and stayed off! Her intense loneliness lifted. would have been a tremendous source of support for you. I led Angie through the exercise you are about to engage in. First. neighbor. When Angie did manage to lose the weight. had a boring job that kept her hidden away from the public. her weight never really decreased. and thus there was no longer a need to distract herself with food. and then do the following. deep breath in. Her birth was not an accident. and this is what happened. Angie was instructed to go back to the earliest time she had ever remembered feeling upset or frustrated. she began to attract attention from those around her. and her self-inflicted punishment would be to make herself as non-existent as possible. if s/he were with you during your most trying moments in life. My parents were always fighting about money. This person could have been a grandparent. She described herself as a loner. and that she was supposed to be here. maybe they wouldn’t have always been yelling at each other. but a miracle. This was simply unacceptable to the part of her mind that had become her jailor. If I didn’t exist. When first meeting Angie. 191 . They never said anything to me directly. created by God. I’d like you to identify someone that. take a slow. In a small. Only through hypnosis was she able to understand why.” Angie had a crime of existence. aunt. she was quiet and reserved. Angie was quiet for a moment and then her bottom lip started trembling. and her only friend was food. My being born put a huge stress on them. Through the use of the following exercise.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved ate better. “I’m very little and my parents are fighting again. It took some time before Angie was really able to let that sink in. we were able to help Angie’s inner child clarify what was really going on with her parents and reassure her that she was a good person. childlike voice she began to speak. To become free from your own self-imposed mental prison. She was finally freed from her own prison sentence. and so she unconsciously put the weight back on. and when she finally did. and made little eye contact. She dressed very plain.

reassurance. Whatever your mind comes up with is fine. support. It could also be a movie star. you now have a sense of perspective and peace. sad. kids were teasing you. so that you begin to imagine those memories much differently now. have your guardian angel give you exactly what you need in the form of love. or another time.Get Out of Your Way! or favorite cousin. and understanding. Your guardian angel becomes a wise. reassures you that you are loved. Pretend that your guardian angel is whispering into your ear that everything is going to be just fine and that you are safe. This person explains the things that seem confusing. As your mind conjures up these memories. or a spiritual teacher. I’d like you to imagine that your guardian angel was right there with you. which would only reproduce the uncomfortable feelings. imagine going back to the earliest time you ever remember feeling scared. you may see them in your mind. helping you through your time of need. a historical figure. situations are no longer misinterpreted and internalized. It may be a time when your parents were fighting. or hear yourself remembering something. At first. For the purposes of this exercise. Even if the parents continue to argue in 192 . but as you allow your mind to take you back to a time growing up when you felt uncomfortable or distressed. Once you have identified who this person might be. Your angel says exactly what you need to hear. you may not get anything. Imagine s/he is standing or sitting right beside you. trusted sage who knows just what to say to a child to help him/ her understand what is happening. eventually something will pop into awareness. get glimpses or flashes of them. With each memory that comes to mind. Instead of just recalling this early memory. or angry. Perhaps you remember your parents fighting a lot and it made you feel tense and afraid. Dad was drinking again. I will be referring to this person as your guardian angel. Mom was super critical. Imagine your guardian angel comforting you and reassuring you that it’s normal for adults to argue sometimes and that it has nothing to do with you. even if those grown-ups say otherwise. upset. In this way. and emphasizes in a very believable way that you are a very good little boy or girl. Instead of feeling so bad or confused.

Continue up through the years. The closer you get to the light. but you hear a lot of commotion coming from within. You can almost feel the electricity in the air. Maybe it’s a big sporting event or a music concert. and you needn’t see those memories as if they were caused by you anymore. the more incredible it feels. deep breath in. and inner security. . When you are ready. there are millions of kids who are in desperate need of a few kind words and some supportive smiles. Take all the time you need and continue to visualize this now. you feel an immense amount of positive energy coming from the light at the end of this hallway. I’d like you to imagine walking up to a rather large stadium. having someone there who has been a role model for you to emulate in your adult years. Now you provide yourself with the same kind of mature understanding. having your guardian angel with you. 193 . As you get closer to entering the stadium. Notice what an incredibly positive impact this has had on your life. . As you continue to relax. you find yourself being able to share this compassion and uplifting support with those around you. You begin to wonder what’s going on and who’s in there.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved this memory. take a full. Perhaps a group of celebrities are going to take the stage and it’s the fans that you hear. You can hear people chanting and clapping. . and it is all very exciting. because you are becoming better at this every day. Believe me. Also. and relax your shoulders as you gently exhale. you can imagine yourself as a child feeling more calm and secure. One Last Exercise I’d like to lead you through one final exercise that will assist you in creating a stronger internal environment. It looks perhaps like a sports arena and the doors are closed. Once you reach your present age. jumping from memory to memory. loving support. Excitedly you open the doors to this stadium and find yourself walking down a long corridor. The guardian angel who was once beside you has now become a part of you. imagine drifting into your future. Those adults (your parents) did the best they could with what they knew.

They are strangers that you smiled at. There’s the guy from the office. You never realized how much of an effect you’ve had on others until now. All of this positive energy is focused on you. and it’s a bit overwhelming. you also notice others in your life. As you look out over the crowd. There’s your uncle nearby. Hey. it’s a bit puzzling. and your siblings are in the front row! Your entire family is here. said hello to. the friends and the bullies all show up to salute you. and one by one they begin to see you on stage. Thousands of people are facing you. and your buddy from church. is your favorite aunt. and frankly. toward the right. They are fathers and sons.Get Out of Your Way! Finally you reach the light and bravely step into it. and they’re so enthusiastic! You look around to see who they are making such a fuss over. Sometimes the people who give us the most grief are also the ones who end up teaching us the most about ourselves and life. There are still many others you haven’t met yet. you find yourself on a huge platform and suddenly you realize that you’ve walked out onto the main stage. mothers and daughters that make up your family tree. they’re all here. these people start going crazy with applause. As you continue to scan the audience of cheering fans. but it’s as though you recognize them anyway. Looking around. the girl from the coffee shop. but in the near future you will meet them. You begin recognizing faces! Over there. These are the people that you’ve inspired but do not realize it. and you realize that each individual had a role to play in shaping you into the person you were born to be. There are still thousands more whom you do not recognize. Tonight they are here to honor and commend you for contributing to the world by just being you. and held the door for. Next you begin to see all the people from your childhood. Like a chain reaction. and they are all here tonight to honor you. Tonight. and instantly you realize they are all looking at you. there’s your mom and dad. Aunts. It’s like the “game” is finally revealed. These 194 . In fact. because each person you met taught you something about life. cousins. The kids that were nice and the ones that weren’t. there are many people you don’t recognize. great grandparents. These people represent your roots. They’re clapping and yelling and whistling and screaming. something happens. your family history.

hear the adulation die down and become silent. like turning the volume down on your stereo. and the positive affirmations ring true in the center of your mind. find yourself alone in the stadium. I am good. My Creator designed me to be the person that I am.” As the words leave your lips. I shoot for the moon. Repeat the following affirmations to yourself now. Notice a microphone awaiting you. imagine strolling out to the edge of the stage. I feel great today and every day gets better and better. Then. I am loved. The fans have disappeared. and with it. I take chances and calculated risks and I go for what I want in life. all the people who you will continue to touch in a positive way are also here. Take hold of it.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved are the people who will enter your life as you need them. As you take in the love and positive regard that’s being abundantly sent to you. I am deserving of success. and even if I miss. and adventure. throw your arms up into the air in a sign of victory! Do it now! These people love you! They’re chanting your name and sending out positive energy. As your eyes now open. In fact. as you muster a steady breath. I truly can achieve. As you bask in the glory of it all.” Now take your index finger and tap yourself on the forehead as you say the following out loud: “I create my destiny!” Say this out loud now! 195 . close your eyes and fill your ears with the applause that rings true and clear. I’ll still land among the stars. say “Thank you. I fill my life with love. My thoughts. opinions. They will inspire you and you will inspire them. I take action toward my goals and I believe that I will reach them. and beliefs are just as important as anyone else’s because I am just as important as anyone else. excitement. “I am worthy. feelings. This kind. and you’re absorbing every last drop of it. I am capable of great things. I am enough. gentle energy is all around you. almost as if to say thanks in advance. thrust your arms in the air in a sign of victory and feel the audience erupt with even more enthusiastic energy and applause than ever before! As you read these words. and whatever I can conceive. and yet you can still feel the intense feelings of love and support they instilled in you.

who strives valiantly. no regrets. I recommend adding it to yours. so that his place shall never be 196 . I actually printed it out. When life gets challenging. the great devotions. and confident in every way. if he fails. You have the courage to succeed. The following quote comes from Teddy Roosevelt and it is a part of my internal environment. No worries. so that at the end of your journey you have lived a life worth living. I hope it does the same for you. not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled. I found it so helpful in times of stress. just a life full of memories and self. and every day you strive to be your best! You live every day to its fullest. “I create my destiny!!!” Then place your hand over your heart and say. and add to your supportive environments often. at worst. motivated. who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement. “I create my destiny!” Now with even more conviction and belief. framed it. who errs and comes short again and again. whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood. It gives me courage and inspiration to continue charging forward in the pursuit of my dreams. and spends himself in a worthy cause. “I have the power!” One more time! “I have the power!!!” YES YOU DO! You create your destiny. Continue to practice what you’ve learned. who knows the great enthusiasms. even when it feels as those all odds are against me. and hung it over my desk. You have the power.Get Out of Your Way! “I create my destiny!” Say it again with more passion. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. fall back on all the insights and exercises that this books provides you.pride! You now feel excited. and who. because there is no effort without error or shortcoming. “I have the power!” Say it louder. “It is not the critic who counts. You have the power to shape your destiny and the self-belief to follow through. at least fails while daring greatly. or where the doer of deeds could have done better. “I have the power!” Again with greater conviction.

There’s no greater sense of satisfaction than knowing that when the dust settles. There can only be success when you have the guts to put yourself out there and go for it.Chapter 22 How to Keep What You Have Once the Goal Is Achieved with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat. Even if it doesn’t work out. you get the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. you’ve lived your life to the fullest.” A statue or a monument has never been created to honor a critic because the critics in your life are a dime a dozen. It is only people like you. 197 . ere’s no greater sense of satisfaction than knowing that when the dust settles. No critic has ever created change or made a difference in the world. A thousand critics are not worth one person who dares to believe in the beauty of his dreams and bravely pursues them. They safely sit back and judge the efforts and risks of others. that matter most! You are a winner regardless of the outcome. you’ve lived your life to the fullest. who put it on the line and go for it.

Get Out of Your Way! 198 .

or a behavior that you want to act out but have not been able to do thus far.?"H P%@"9. you will be preparing your mind to respond automatically in a positive manner when faced with future situations that may have stressed you in the past.AR$+<@$/+?. Saying “all the time” isn’t very effective since no 199 A . and/or events. Choose a skill. Or perhaps you’d like to be even better at following through and staying motivated. Through mentally engaging in this exercise now. identify when and where you want to be able to behave in this manner. For example. The following exercise uses the process of modeling to empower you through mimicking those whom you consider highly evolved in specific areas. for the purpose of bolstering your leadership skills. resource. maybe you want to feel more calm and in control under stressful situations.%<$/G")A. you always have control over how you respond to particular people.$:#"8?$ #%$+$5"K$'%( lthough you do not have control over what happens environmentally (outside of you). the more enjoyable life and career will be.<=H$:.Chapter Twenty-Three :.G$:#"8?$#%$+$5"K$'%( Step One: Select a leadership skill or behavior worth having. Next. situations. Get specific. even during working hours. or ability that you would like to possess more of. Here we go! 3)+<?&%)F+#.G$W(. The more you condition your brain to automatically respond positively and resourcefully to life.

or just get a sense of it is fine. Again it comes back to having clarity. Remaining calm under stress is good. only that you have some representation of this person behaving in a way that reflects what you want for yourself. tempo. and posture. You can even make someone up if you wish. as well as the words and phrases that are used. Watch how this person breathes. being motivated to take action is usually good. If there was something you didn’t like about the role model or the skills that were demonstrated. Whether you see this visually in your mind. move on to the next step. pay attention to the responses this person elicits from other people. Yet instead of you being the main character. choose another role model or modify the skills until you love what you’re seeing. talk yourself through it. imagine watching your role model demonstrating his or her leadership abilities in your life. In what specific situations is it most important that you exhibit this new behavior? Now think of someone who can do what you want very well. Zoom in on how resourcefully your role model handles him/herself in this particular situation. For instance.Get Out of Your Way! behavior is appropriate in every context. 200 . move on to step three. Notice what your role model focuses on and how this person speaks to him/herself. Imagine a particular situation in which you would like to respond with your new leadership skills or behaviors. but sometimes it is absolutely appropriate to get angry or upset. facial expressions. Now that you have seen your role model in action. and volume of his/her voice. and feeling. Perhaps someone you know personally like a business associate. Once you know that this is how you would like to handle yourself in those specific situations. or perhaps a favorite actor or a key historical figure. hearing. Finally. and tune in to the tone. Step Two: Visualize your role model in action in your life. do you still feel this is the best role model for you? If yes. Also notice how this person moves. but sometimes you need to know when to sit back and take a break. It doesn’t matter whether you know this person or not. Pay attention to your role model’s gestures.

and feeling through the mind and body of your role model.Chapter 23 Six Quick and Easy Steps to a New You Step Three: Visualize yourself stepping into and becoming your role model. Step Four: Replace the role model with yourself. this is what leadership is all about. and acting like your role model. loving. Once you are satisfied and/or excited about seeing yourself demonstrating new leadership skills. and then back yourself out of the movie. pay attention to what you are now focusing on through your role model’s eyes. Once you have enjoyed the experience of seeing. Experiencing yourself in this way should remind you of your role model. As you do so. Perhaps you are standing tall with relaxed shoulders and a smile on your face. Listen to the empowering questions you are now asking yourself. After all. Imagine that you can step into this movie and become your role model so that you know what it’s like to think. step into the movie once more. emotions. enjoy the feelings that go along with being in control over your mind. encouraging things that make you feel supported and resourceful. and actions. and breath rate. hearing through his/her ears. The next step is to imagine yourself in this movie behaving in exactly the same manner as your role model did. Step Five: Associate into the new you. Observe your posture. thinking. Visualize yourself speaking. and behave in this way. take a refreshing breath. Also. Allow your creative mind to give you the experience of seeing through your role model’s eyes. Then 201 . Put some distance between you and the movie. Notice how the end result is always kept in mind. Listen to the words you are using to support and encourage yourself. “What can I do to be successful in this situation right now?” Notice how your body feels as you take the appropriate actions. hearing. and feeling what it’s like to feel and act this way. Also notice how your new response to this situation positively influences the outcome. Hear your role model’s voice in your head saying positive. and then proceed to step four. Pay attention to the tempo and tone of voice as you ask yourself empowering questions. facial expression. feel. step out of him or her.

Don’t worry about what’s in the next chapter. You deserve it! I can wait. the more you will automatically engage in the desired behaviors. There’s a lot I’m asking you to do to make it work. There is a lot to this exercise. and notice how good this makes you feel. feeling. You may also seek out other role models that provide you with other empowering attributes and abilities. Visualize potential future situations where behaving in this way would be appropriate. Take your time and do this now. Doing so will continue to enrich your experience. You should now imagine a few more future situations in which you’d like to conduct yourself in this way. and imagine yourself rising up to the occasion. the new you and imagine becoming the person you were born to be! Begin to see this specific situation in a different way. and feel. and fully associate with. The final step is to imagine thinking. hearing. And feel how you hold your body as you take control of the situation. Be especially aware of the positive emotional state(s) that begin to emerge within you as you carry yourself in this way. Listen to yourself saying just the right things to make you feel confident and secure. 202 . See yourself behaving in exactly the way you would most want to.Get Out of Your Way! step into. Take your time with this step and pay attention to everything you now see. hear. But making it work is crucial. Step Six: Prepare yourself for the future. and feeling what it’s like to be more resourceful in this kind of situation. Looking at it through empowered eyes and focusing on the outcome you desire will make the specific content less important and the way you manage yourself the focal point. The more you condition your mind to respond to potential situations. Fully imagine seeing. and acting in this resourceful manner in the future. Hear yourself speaking with confidence and grace as you feel what it’s like to behave in this proactive manner. Make time for it. Feel free to make any adjustments to your skills or behaviors that will improve your performance and leadership abilities. or how long the exercise takes.

<$%&$ '%()$.[$5%K$*6+#E o live your best life. but it’s in these times that you need to be even more supportive and encouraging of yourself! Will you remain positive 100 percent of the time? Probably not. and do the right thing without having to be repeatedly told or reminded to do so. but you should strive to do so anyway! I’ve been studying and applying positive thinking strategies for more than two decades. It takes continual monitoring and re-directing of your self-talk. feelings. while continuously striving for what you believe in and desire.<A.89"$^_ First. You may not like certain behaviors you’re engaging in. The goal is to continue being optimistic. you must develop strong self-leadership. and as much as I’ve programmed myself to be optimistic. This entails being able to control your emotions. and your circumstances. Let’s break this down into easily understandable parts.8$7). manage frustration in a mature manner. and emotional states so you feel secure and confident about yourself. mental focus. the negative thoughts you have. It’s ongoing.<. loving. Self-leadership is the process of maximizing your ability to remain in control of your thoughts.Chapter Twenty-Four '%($2)"$36"$1+8#+. It’s not something that you complete. and supportive no matter what. and actions. others. or the circumstances you face. it still requires daily effort. T J"+@")?6. 203 ."?#. self-leadership is a process.

even if others around you aren’t very supportive. it’s the most important activity I can put effort into since what you say to yourself influences the kind of life you experience. because what you expect to happen tends to happen. most things in life will work out for you. and behave. If you make having a positive attitude your number one priority.8$7). and what can I do to get it?” Notice what comes to mind and act on it. Being mentally and emotionally there for yourself when you’re facedown in the mud will give you the courage to triumph over any obstacle. It’s what will get you to the top and keep you there as well! J"+@")?6. ask yourself: “What outcome do I want.89"$^` Second. it’s much easier than it used to be. It’s easy to do this when things are flowing smoothly. You can experience heaven and hell right here on Earth. e one you visit most is in direct proportion to how you communicate with yourself on a daily basis. 204 . you need to look at all possible options and make your best decision given what you know. feel. But it still takes conscious effort and I’m okay with that. self-leadership is a process of maximizing your ability to remain in control of how you think. you’ll get more of what you want by placing attention on what you can do versus what you cannot. When faced with a challenge. an important part of self-leadership is encouraging yourself. As I said earlier. Self-leadership is what enables every great man and woman to rise up against the odds and achieve victory.Get Out of Your Way! Yes. After all. and much of it is automatic. In any given moment. It’s something else when all hell breaks loose. Thus. while continuously striving for what you believe in and desire.<A. “In control” suggests being aware of all options and calmly acting in a constructive manner to bring about the best possible outcome.

I lost a couple of books. True leaders keep the bigger picture in mind and are willing to put their egos aside.Chapter 24 You Are The Captain of Your Destiny. Remind yourself of this constantly.<A. They would rather be happy than be right at the expense of those around them. a team of people were already sucking up the water and using huge blowers to dry the floor. and even problems can become opportunities in disguise. You have ultimate power over how you are going to think and feel in any situation. and they are rarely happy! Therefore. Reality is your interpretation of what’s happening. The other day my office flooded. “If she’d quit complaining. you should be grounded in reality. Striving for what you truly desire means that you’ve got the guts to believe in your dreams while taking action toward attaining them! Some dreams take time to achieve. “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Most would rather be right. but no major damage occurred. J"+@")?6. Then respond accordingly. Someone power-washed the side of the building. Phil once said. I’d stop complaining about it!” Dr. I wouldn’t have to yell all the time!” “If he would quit yelling.89"$^a Leadership is a process of maximizing your ability to remain in control of how you think. and water seeped into my office. Over the previous couple of months I’d kept thinking about how dirty 205 .8$7). People who react to situations often blame others for their decisions and behaviors. decide how you ultimately want to feel about it. While driving home I began thinking about the Law of Attraction. Just remember that reality is very subjective. while continuously striving for what you believe in and desire. Now What Your tendency will be to react based on old programming and triggers from the past. Fear is what you feel when you start focusing on what is rather than on what will be! Yes. instead of concentrating on what has happened or what another person has said or done. feel and behave. When I arrived.

Then my office flooded without causing damage.Get Out of Your Way! my carpet looked in the main lobby. What originally showed up as a problem revealed itself to be an opportunity for me to have my carpets cleaned for free! Thus. 206 . “Thank you. Immediately the manager of my building ordered all my carpets to be professionally cleaned over the weekend at no cost to me. You might just find yourself saying. don’t be too quick to judge what shows up in your life. God!” You have ultimate power over how you are going to think and feel in any situation.

I’ll ask someone. “What do you want?” He will respond. The unconscious doesn’t know what that means. where your attention goes.<=[$ J+?#. 207 There . It may take you a day to execute or ten years. Four Questions Every Successful Person Must Answer are four questions you need to answer as specifically as possible in order to move your life to the next level.$#%$4<=%. For example.” Others will say. someone were to say. If. If you can answer these questions easily and immediately.<=$7)%?8"). invest in real estate. If.” your mind will now know what you want and why you want it.” but it’s too vague. People focus on what they don’t want or on what they don’t have and.Chapter Twenty-Five 36"$O". you are among the elite few. energy flows. of course. and have more free time for my family. Asking yourself the right questions will be the difference between living your dreams and just dreaming. “Okay.#. on the other hand. Through years of asking people what they want in life. “I don’t want to be broke. “I want to be rich.000 a month so I can become debt free. these questions force you to pause. know that answering them specifically will be the final key to unlocking your dreams. so it doesn’t take any action at all. “I want to make $50. The next question for your unconscious should be.” His unconscious mind hears “I am broke. however.” and it says. “The quality of your life is shaped by the quality of your questions. “What actions can I now take that will allow me to produce $50.” Here are the four life-altering questions you need to answer. Notice I keep using the word specifically. I’ve found that most are either unsure or unclear.000 per month and have fun doing so?” The answer you receive may come all at once or in pieces.

Does it look and feel like brick. and slowly let it out.%<$/G")A. Sometimes these blocks are unconscious. but this exercise should bring them to the surface if they exist. or papiermâché? Is it warm or cool. instead I’ll lead you through an exercise designed to help you uncover what you really want and what might still be blocking you from having it. are they unlocked? As you imagine this wall. yet it’s 208 . Why you want this? (What will it do for you?) 3. impenetrable? Perhaps it seems small and easy to get around. allow your mind to conjure up an imaginary path. Pretend to walk down this path and notice an object ahead of you blocking your passage. just make one up in your mind’s eye.?"H X<S9%AR. Can you see the end of the wall? Are you able to see over the wall? Or does it block your view of what’s on the other side? As you step up to the wall now. Notice how tall and wide this wall appears to be. Does the wall seem intimidating. rough or smooth to the touch? Push on the wall. plaster. . Take your time writing down the following specific answers now. What actions are necessary to achieve your goals? Because I’m not able to ask you questions and reply to your responses through this book. As your shoulders begin to loosen. If you are having difficulty picturing a wall. Does it seem sturdy or wobbly? Are there any doors or windows in this wall? If so. . 3)+<?&%)F+#. Let’s begin. it can reveal to your conscious mind how you really feel about reaching your dreams. What kind of person you want to be and what type of life do you wish to experience? 2.<=$#6"$7+#6$#%$4<=%. Lay your hands upon this wall and get a feel for what the wall is constructed of. wood. 1.<=$:(AA"?? Take a deep breath in. What do you believe is holding you back from having what you want? 4.Get Out of Your Way! In your notebook . As you approach this object. you recognize that it’s a wall. notice what color the wall is.

it’s time to readjust your focus onto what it is that will make your life worth living. and it will do whatever it deems necessary to protect you from pain. Take a step back from the wall and imagine speaking directly to it. As you contemplate this.Chapter 25 The Key to Ongoing. Since what you want most lies on the other side of this wall. It is. own. concerned with self-preservation. Once you understand what the wall may represent. but your unconscious mind is not concerned with logic. you might even imagine standing on a tall hill as you gaze down upon this wall. Maybe the wall feels like it’s protecting you from what’s on the other side. or experience lies on the other side of this wall. Up close your obstacles and challenges in life may seem formidable. Everything you’ve ever wanted to achieve. the positive intention of this wall would be to keep you safe from potential pain in the future. Yet. Trying to avoid pain often generates it because you’ll avoid decisions that need to be made since making those decisions makes you feel uncomfortable. you already know my feelings about protecting yourself from perceived pain by keeping yourself in pain now. you’ll need to find a way to get over it. imagine stepping several hundred yards back from this wall. when you can step back and gain some perspective. It’s holding you back from maturing in the face of adversity. Thus. Of course. Or maybe it’s protecting you from being let down or hurt by what it might take to achieve your goals. In fact. Therefore it’s time to confront your fears. Perhaps you can simply walk around the wall or devise a ladder to climb 209 . and how are you trying to help me?” Take your time and wait for a response from your unconscious mind. the walls no longer seem so scary. Size up this wall and consider the best method for getting over it. Then read on. Pretend that the path you’re on leads to your dream life. Lasting Prosperity there for a purpose. wonder “What does this wall represent in my life? Is it trying to protect me in some way? Is there a positive intention for this wall being here?” Perhaps this wall represents the fear of not being able to reach what’s on the other side. The fact is that this wall is imprisoning you. however. Ask the following: “Why are you here. To gain some perspective.

which has finally given you the inner strength and confidence you’ve always desired. Creative clients have envisioned making doors with tools they’ve acquired from the journey thus far. Perhaps most importantly. open communication. you’ve created a stronger relationship with yourself. honesty. and passion. How does that make you feel? Perhaps you finally get the recognition. So much energy is wasted on worrying about money or stressing about actually reaching your goals. your mind is listening. 210 . imagine that you have reached the other side of the wall where all your dreams have come true. yet once you reach a certain level of success—and this level will be different for everyone—money no longer becomes such a source of pain. you will find that what’s waiting for you is positive. Take a few minutes and allow yourself to fantasize about how you would create your perfect life. Remember. how? Do you travel? If so. and enjoyable! It’s worth the risk. award. and what kind of home do you live in? How much money do you have in investments or savings? How are your relationships and friendships? Has your career changed? If so. Once on the other side.Get Out of Your Way! over the top. Do you think reaching your dreams will make you a better person? The answer is YES! It will give you the gift of self-belief and the confidence to be the best person you can be. which one(s)? Perhaps you finally have the money to put your kids through college while having plenty of money for yourself as well. Before you carry out your plan for climbing over. it’s the risking that makes succeeding that much sweeter. respect. the time to be loving and supportive of yourself and others is right now. Decide which method you will utilize to get to the other side of your wall. so take your time and do this now. whether you’re in the pursuit of this success or you’ve reached it and want more. Or you meet the person of your dreams and enjoy a wonderful relationship full of mutual love. useful. Yet. where? Why there? Do you contribute to a favorite charity? If so. and as you’ll see. or admiration that you’ve been craving. What is your life like? Who are you as a person? How do you take care of yourself? How do you treat others? What material possessions do you have? Where do you live.

As a result. Successful people have no other choice but to be loving. No regrets. Because you are supportive of yourself on the dreams-come-true/ goals-met side of the wall. you have truly become your own best friend. is identifying what emotional states you enjoy experiencing most and then pursuing the things that will trigger those feelings.Chapter 25 The Key to Ongoing. Sometimes the only difference between a winner and a loser is that the winner gets up just one more time. Otherwise they’d never have the strength to rise up and overcome the millions of obstacles. I’m not placing too much attention onto material items like fancy homes. cars. and supportive of themselves. Some days are better than others. you just do it. and that’s always something to be proud of. Each day you strive to be the best you can be. The boxing classic Rocky II is the perfect analogy for this. failures. 211 . The question isn’t how many times can you handle getting knocked down. e key to staying motivated. and jewelry. What’s actually the key to staying motivated. but those are not sufficiently motivating for most people. and visualize that your self-leadership skills are exquisite. or internally inspired to succeed. You don’t need to be told the right thing to do. The real question is how many times are you going to get back up. or internally inspired to succeed. you easily inspire others by being a positive role model. This provides internal motivation and a sense of being in control over your own destiny. Lasting Prosperity On the dreams-come-true/goals-met side of the wall. and challenges they face along their journey. I appreciate all of those things. you can go to bed with a smile on your face. People who feel this way are very good at thinking things through and taking action. Visualize yourself being good at starting things and also finishing them. Notice that I’ve been focusing on how you feel about yourself and others. you naturally feel supported. is identifying what emotional states you enjoy experiencing most and then pursuing the things that will trigger those feelings. encouraging. but as long as you’re giving it your best. You gave it your all.

and/or variety. excitement. Acting from a mindset of wealth actually attracts it. and power. and being adventurous are a thousand times more motivating than just setting a goal of making an extra five grand per month. you have the power to feel any emotion at any time just by how you focus your attention and hold your body. they act as if they are already wealthy. people. Even making money isn’t for the money itself. you could afford to pay off all your bills and go on two big family vacations per year. feeling financially secure. Would you rather buy from a needy. You go on vacation or travel the world because it offers a sense of adventure. more specifically. identify the emotional states you wish to feel most and then focus on achieving the goals and dreams that will produce them. It’s for what you think having money will do for you or. and the universe mirrors it back. and opportunities that flow into their lives. Relationships provide unique emotional states that are difficult to experience individually. Being financially independent produces feelings of security. if you made $5000 extra per month. for how it will make you feel. As demonstrated in this book. desperate salesperson or from a confident. Everything you do is motivated by an unconscious desire to experience or avoid specific emotions.Get Out of Your Way! Human beings are emotion junkies. People go to work to avoid the pain or despair of lost income. successful one? 212 . Instead of chasing after wealth. With this in mind. freedom. For example. Paying off your bills would give you a stronger sense of security. One of the biggest mistakes people make is in how they dramatically underestimate how powerful they really are. Some of the happiest and most successful people on the planet have learned that the way they feel most of the time will heavily influence the type of situations. and vacationing would allow your family to connect more while meeting your personal need for adventure. Take some time to specify why you want to achieve the goals while you are still on this side of the wall now. This means you don’t have to wait until you reach your goals to feel the way you want to. Staying connected to your family. You have the power and ability to feel this way right now. The need to chase money suggests lack.

the wall is no longer needed. Say to yourself. Behave as if you’ve already broken through the wall. Realize that you don’t need this wall anymore. Yet now you possess all the wisdom. take it down brick by brick. and I thank my unconscious for this. confront 213 . Then push on the wall and see if the wall still seems sturdy or formidable. self-limitations are fading. what would I do right now to change my life?” Imagine what your life will now be like knowing that fear is an illusion. Maybe the wall doesn’t even exist anymore from this perspective. You’ve been on the other side.Chapter 25 The Key to Ongoing. take down the wall now. This is the true test of your character. and a clear path is emerging. Then find yourself on the side of the wall where you began. Lasting Prosperity Once you’ve identified the life that lies on the other side of the wall. In fact. notice if it looks the same as the original wall you started on. or does it now feel light and flimsy like you could just push it over? Perhaps it seems transparent from this vantage point. Trust that it will be handled appropriately. You’ve seen the Promised Land. Take a look at the wall now with enlightened eyes and notice if the wall has changed any. “If this wall no longer existed. Does it feel as strong and rooted into the ground. Can you walk through the fire and trust you won’t get burned? Can you knock down your walls. With these insights. understanding. and complete your mission of taking down this wall now. what could I accomplish? If there was no fear. you’re still getting some type of emotional payoff. You are now stronger and more courageous and aware than ever before. or envision an open door appearing in the center of it. Reread the Secondary Gains chapter and work to remove it. “This wall has served its purpose. Does it feel like it needs to be there anymore? Not really. If you feel the wall needs to remain somewhat intact. It’s keeping you stuck and taunting you with fears that are merely based on illusion. looking at the wall from this side. and insights through seeing your life from the other side.” In any manner you wish. Now that I’ve received the messages and insights. it’s more of an illusion that was based upon old fears and limitations of the past that you used to buy into. blow it up. Push it over. ask yourself. Does it seem as scary or impenetrable anymore? Probably not. watch it fade away. begin to act as if you already have it.

As you contribute and connect in this way.Get Out of Your Way! your fears. you have more freedom than most people ever will. Your awareness of the options and opportunities you have are now revealed. You may wish to go through this exercise again in the future if new challenges (walls) emerge. and find new and exciting ways to make others feel as validated as you do. You can find it all around you. At this very moment. imagine your future being bright. Drive down a road you haven’t been on before. Knowing this now. You can feel this way right now. and a clear path now lies ahead. and close. strike up a conversation with a new friend. Empowering sensations course through your veins as you realize that your life is about to take a turn for the better. and free. New opportunities and adventures will begin to appear as you continually feel more secure. Stand on top of this rubble with arms raised in victory! Or perhaps the wall has simply evaporated. Your self-talk is much more enjoyable and optimistic now as you embrace each day with enthusiasm and discovery. you’re finally feeling the contentment and self-belief you’ve been craving. If you ever notice resistance in the wall coming down. You no longer have to wait until you’ve reached all your goals to feel the way you’ve been wanting to. use the exercise in the following chapter to find out why. Feel refreshed and reflective of this experience. connect with your partner in a way that rekindles the flames. In fact. it’s no longer necessary to get on a plane to have an adventure. warm. Each time should produce new insights and understandings. you may have a pile of rubble in front of you. As a result. For instance. leading directly to what you desire most. I want you to take a full deep breath in and bring your awareness back to the room you’re in. a whole new level of joy and empowerment will be opened to you. as you proceed down this path. confident. This feeling will grow stronger every day in every way because you have the courage to take action and call the shots in your life. and know that you will be proud of yourself at the end of it all? Can you? Will you? Then do so now! Outstanding! With the wall and all that it represented down. 214 .

and you’re close to being finished! Hopefully you have benefited already from the peak performance strategies. success formulas. Even if this is the first self-help book you’ve read. “You don’t even know me. But the only magic I’ve ever seen I had to create myself!” Thus. but I know better. You’re the kind of person who reads books of this nature. and embedded hypnotic suggestions that are woven throughout this book. Most never get this far through a book. we’re going to devote this chapter to tapping into the resources that are already inside you. “Sally saw a leprechaun. It’s called the Pain-Pleasure Principle. You can only learn to manipulate it to your advantage. This principle 215 I . the real magic still comes from inside you. at least you have the wisdom and insight to reach out for tools and mentors who can empower you. I suppose I appreciate people like you because I’m this way too. One of my mentors likes to say.” but I do. instead of giving you more tools.%< ’m incredibly excited to be working with someone of your caliber. I care so much about your triumphant success because you are my favorite type of person.%$36. They’re all designed to help you become the absolute best that you can be.M+#.?$+<@$'%(Z99$5"M")$ N(<$%(#$%&$P%#. Bobby saw an elf. Although I’ve been providing the mechanics and technical aspects for maximizing your personal power. I’ve met a few “gurus” in my time who thought they were the magic ones. You might be thinking.Chapter Twenty-Six . Motivation For A Lifetime There’s a driving force behind all human behavior that’s so instinctive you cannot override it.

however. Try going sailing without the wind. You need resistance. Triathlon athletes train themselves to ignore the pain for hopes of personal triumph and glory. Most of us. using it consciously to your advantage can bring great reward. yet if you can learn and grow from these times. it’s always to save another’s life. It’s the survival code that’s built into your genetic code. and we will do most anything to avoid even the slightest pain. the person is attempting to avoid the pain of a lost loved one. Instead of desperately trying to avoid pain. You might be thinking.Get Out of Your Way! states that all human beings are intrinsically hardwired to avoid pain and gain pleasure no matter what the cost. People will put themselves through incredible rituals to avoid pain and gain pleasure. This will inspire you to take positive action in the present. which is pleasurable. If the victim is a loved one. When an individual runs into a burning building. and it’s what keeps you from driving off the road into a huge tree when you’ve had a really bad day. the suffering will be brief while the pleasure you derive from life will become stronger. One way to ensure a more pleasurable life is to imagine yourself in the future enjoying very positive experiences (or see what’s on the other side of the obstacle or wall in your path). are nothing like triathlon athletes. “What about those people who run into burning buildings or who run triathlons? Aren’t they facing pain head-on?” Yes. Sometimes only through pain can you grow. focus on the pleasure you can experience now and in the future. Life will bring painful moments. Because the Pain/Pleasure Principle is mostly an unconscious process. That gives the person a feeling of significance if the victim is a stranger. The biggest complaint I hear from people 216 . Instead of desperately trying to avoid pain. focus on the pleasure you can experience now and in the future. You can apply this principle in a way that generates massive leverage over yourself and your actions. but their interpretation of the pain is different.

#. still struggling with the same old worries and self-limiting beliefs that you’re not enough or that it won’t work out? How long will you continue to put up with the headaches and heartaches that come from submitting to fears and faulty beliefs? How much pain are you willing to tolerate because you’re not going after what you really want in life? Imagine going five years into the future and discovering that you haven’t changed a bit. like getting out of a lousy relationship or job. Nothing seems to feel good anymore. in self-esteem. What has it cost your self-esteem? When you look in the mirror. 217 . personally. You’re still supporting the same lame excuses and destructive habits. professionally. what kind of pain will this continue to create in your life? What has it already cost you financially. Instead you’ve become focused on the pessimistic side of life.M"$+<@$7%?. still afraid to make those changes.M"$:"9&IP%#. and it’s leaked out on your entire life.M+#.%< Answer the following questions for yourself. or dealing with high blood pressure? Is your hair falling out? What about your relationships with others? Are they stagnant and boring? Perhaps you’re too depressed or tired to engage in stimulating conversation. Using this principle in the following way will put an end to procrastination immediately and forevermore! 3)+<?&%)F+#. What would you lose out on if you decided not to take action on all that you’ve learned from this book? If you chose not to follow through. smoking more. and in your relationships by not stepping up and making it happen? How are you going to view yourself one year from now if you’re still in the same situation.Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation is that they have trouble staying motivated and following through. how do you look at yourself? Do you look stressed out and older than you really are? What do you say to yourself when no one else is around? What has this self-limited thinking done to your health and overall appearance? Are you overweight.?"H 5"=+#.%<$/G")A.

” Is this the kind of person you’ve become because you were too busy. or too scared to take control of your life? Now move ten years into your future. None of this tragedy has occurred. and tons of worry and fear about your future security? Okay. 218 . But you clearly remember what you saw. what kind of example are you giving others? Are you finding others avoiding you? Are they repelled by your kind of energy? Do you know what it’s like to be around somebody that’s miserable all the time? You can walk into a room with a person like this and within five minutes it feels like s/he sucked all the energy right out of you. and find yourself back in the present moment. actually. or others in your life? What kind of role model have you become for your community? By holding back and not taking action. and I’m better than that. You’re still supporting the same old excuses. I’m going to step up now! I’ve got the tools and resources. can make you want to say.Get Out of Your Way! What’s it going to cost you in regards to how you talk to your kids. It was all just a bad dream. I am supposed to be here. My true life begins right now!” Now that you’re learning how to use the avoidance of pain as a driving force in your life. I have purpose and a mission. colleagues. It’s been ten years. I am here to shine! I’m going to start living the life I was born to. and I deserve better! My Creator did not put me here to hide. Notice how having focused on not taking action. employees. If I live in fear. and the pain that goes with it. how has your personal confidence and charisma dropped? If you’re not feeling good about yourself. and I am enough. I’m not going to live my life in fear anymore. a nightmare. I’m worth more than this. What has this done to you financially? Are you scraping by. the next step is to utilize pleasure. living paycheck to paycheck? No money in the bank. and you’ve still done nothing to change your life. I refer to this type of person as an “energy vampire. I’m going to stand in my power this moment. too stressed. “Absolutely not! I refuse to go down that path! I refuse to accept this kind of behavior from myself any longer. that’s what my life will be all about. Take a few minutes to answer the following questions. and I’m going to do something with them. and beliefs that hold you back and keep you stuck. take a deep breath in. habits. lots of credit card debt.

which then allow you to share this with others. you give yourself an abundance of self-love. and it feels great! Now go five years into the future. You listen to others with the intention of understanding and validating them. and confident do you now look? Perhaps you smile more. and professionally.Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation What are you going to gain from taking positive action in your life right now? What kind of pleasure will you experience from utilizing the strategies and insights you’ve acquired from this book? How have you benefited from living your life with courage. 219 . eating plenty of fruits. When you’re around others. It’s been a year since you’ve made the transition. You’ve taken back your personal power. from taking the attitude that I am a winner. This dramatically increases your natural charisma and appeal. you’re vibrant and lively. Clients. there’s no failure only feedback. respect. You lost weight or gained muscle. Thus. and it was easy. colleagues. financially. If used to smoke. and encouragement. and attitude. caring and attentive. now you’ve quit. and friends want to be around you because of your positive energy and uplifting spirit. When you’re alone now. what do you say to yourself? Notice how your self-talk is much more positive. mentally. and whole grain foods. attractive. energy. and it’s amazing! Personally. How has your life transformed from believing in yourself and treating others with love and respect? How much stronger is your self-esteem and confidence? When you look in the mirror. This makes you a wonderful role model for those around you. enthusiastic. you have become more balanced and well-adjusted. spiritually. in relationships. emotionally. vegetables. how much younger. physically. which makes others want to be around you. loving. Notice how your kids benefit from your new behaviors. stronger. You might have benefitted from hypnosis. depending upon where you were at in life. It’s easy for you to validate and appreciate others because you are doing this for yourself. It’s been five years since you empowered yourself with a new set of beliefs and habits. You realize that you can only give what you have. energetic. you’re exercising. and supportive. and drinking more water. and the only way to really lose is to give up? Now float one year into the future.

The question is.<=$:"9&IP%#.M+#. you will always be happy you went for your dreams instead of always wondering what could have been. and happier. healthier. . you must continually associate pain to self-limiting beliefs and habits while simultaneously attaching pleasure to positive actions and thinking. You believe in yourself and the power of your dreams. and personal health are strong and vibrant. 220 . or the future where you look back and smile because you went for it? Regardless of the outcome. faith. Now go ten years into your future. The way I see it. you are a success if you go for it and give it your all. you’ve fulfilled many of those dreams already. In fact. Here’s an exercise that will help you do this. one of which will come to fruition. you now have two choices before you. and discover how incredible your life has become because you had the courage to succeed! You’ve been acting on the principles and insights from that book you read ten years earlier. and it has transformed your life. . two futures. 3)+<?&%)F+#. Choose Your Future Now you know how to utilize pleasure in a motivating way. He or she has overcome the challenges you’re now facing and knows that you will triumph over them. To me. more successful.?"H 5"M")I"<@.Get Out of Your Way! It’s easy for you to validate and appreciate others because you are doing this for yourself. Everyone has his or her own interpretation of what success means. Imagine for a moment that your future self is walking toward you. Allow your mind to wander as you continue to visualize a future where all your dreams really can come true. and financially you are sound. “Which future do you choose?” The future where you’re living life full of regret.%<$/G")A. Professionally you have accomplished many of your goals. . more energized. Your relationships. Future-you is a little bit older.%< To remain internally motivated.

Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation As your future self comes closer to you. Finally your future self reaches you. As your future self becomes more distant. make you want to reach out and grab him or her? Imagining what you want being close. confident. pretend that something reaches into the scene. fuzzier. S/he stands directly in front of you. It immediately makes you feel excited and motivated. or sad at the thought of your hopes and dreams drifting farther away? Of course. I want you to imagine that your future self has a message that s/he wants to give you. It feels so good. s/he seems smaller. and you want to 221 . It might be something you need to hear. and bright makes it feel real and possible. As you do so. Notice how this makes you feel? Are you beginning to feel upset or frustrated? Do you get anxious. and begins to yank him/her further and further away from you. words of encouragement. Do this now. You cannot hear him/her anymore either. s/he seems clearer. The closer s/he gets. you feel really excited inside. the more powerful. The closer s/he gets. but realizing that it’s necessary for you to discover this for yourself. right in front of you. and bright. and secure you feel. Now imagine your future self standing in front of you once more. and harder to see. big. mad. Take a moment to receive this message from your future self. Your future is so enticing that you have to have it! It becomes a must! It’s so great. big. smiling as if wanting to tell you that everything’s going to be just fine. In fact. and more colorful. the more excited you become because s/he represents everything you’ve always wanted. Great! This is another way of associating pleasure to want you want. brighter. It feels so real you could reach out and grab hold of it. Didn’t picturing your future self and all that it represents. clear. you’ve got to go after it! To remain internally motivated. Your future is here right now. you must continually associate pain to self-limiting beliefs and habits while simultaneously attaching pleasure to positive actions and thinking. or some direction. bigger. grabs hold of your future self. Your future self looks fabulous.

Get Out of Your Way! know what in the world is responsible for distancing you from everything you want. the more exhausted. and then step forward into the future-you. The closer. confident. motivated. and feeling the world with more empowering emotions. The future is here. and you have had it! You’re not putting up with that garbage anymore! You are taking back control right now. You have the power to create your life by design! Take in a deep breath. the more positive. and brighter you make your goals seem. hearing the world through new ears. 222 . and hopeful you will become. “You did it!” S/He runs right up to you. and commit right here and now to living life at its fullest. imagine now seeing the world through new eyes. and hopeless you will feel. bigger. You know what it is? It’s all those excuses. It’s the stinking thinking that’s been holding you back and keeping you stuck. Then reach out to your future self and imagine attracting him/her back toward you. fuzzy. and become this person you’ve always wanted to be! As you step into him/her. When you look in the mirror. and when you think of yourself. negative attitudes. As you do so. and fears. Moving your future self toward and away from you stimulates very different emotional states. Send out beams of light from your fingertips. and closer than ever! Then future-you turns his/her back to you and waits. knowing that every day you are getting better and better! This is a great exercise for using pleasure and pain to remain motivated for a lifetime. This is the new you. gives you a big high-five. imagine future-you jogging back toward you with arms in the air saying. You are the creator of your destiny. and tiny you make your goals appear. The more distant. see future-you looking back at you with a great big smile. to live your life in a way that satisfies yourself and contributes to the world. and embraces you. and happy. Your future now looks bigger. and focus on drawing your desired future back into your life. old beliefs. brighter. Take a courageous breath. you imagine being strong. frustrated.

“Okay. and inviting. and the more automatic the whole thing becomes. the better you get. You’ll find yourself saying. close your eyes and imagine that what you want is close. Each time you take a positive step toward your goals. clear. As Tony Robbins says. they will strengthen the associations your brain is making at this very moment. The more you practice. sabotaging behaviors. practice. your goals do the same! After doing this exercise. and your emotions will object so adversely that you’ll have no other choice but to step forward again.” So practice. I’ll take action!” because you’ve associated so much pain with old.Chapter 26 Do This and You’ll Never Run Out of Motivation From now on. fine. 223 . warm. those goals take a step toward you! Every time you take a step back in the opposite direction. if you need to take action. practice. “Repetition is the mother of all skills. because your future self will move away from you. it should be difficult for you to procrastinate. and you’ll find all the motivation you’ll ever need. As you continue to review and practice these motivating exercises in this book.

Get Out of Your Way! 224 .

I’ll be really happy” is an illusion. and the pursuit of happiness. but if you try to grab hold of it with your fist. If you’re on a journey toward something worthwhile. Happiness. strengthens your emotional maturity. liberty. you’ll eventually feel something is missing. heartache and joy. The journey you’re on right now is molding you into someone who is worthy of incredible success! Every action you take. This is a mistake because it’s your journey that generates the happiness. and make today the best that it can be! Many people think they cannot celebrate their lives until they reach 225 . Happiness is more like a handful of water./8.9%=(" their ultimate goals and dreams. is not something you get and then keep permanently. The highs and lows. Therefore. enjoy life and all that it brings right now. and contribution. That’s why Benjamin Franklin said that each man deserves the right to freedom. and it will be exciting. After buying lots of stuff and traveling around the world. Enjoy your pursuit! Realize the idea of “When I finally reach my goals. what we all really want. it will slip through your fingers and disappear. growth. keep cupping more handfuls of water. frustration and exhilaration. The void comes from no longer enjoying the pursuit of your goals. connection. the struggles and breakthroughs. every step in the direction of your goals. these are what shape your character. you’ve already reached the most important goal of life. So keep your head up. You can make a million dollars. significance. It shapes your character and meets your fundamental needs for certainty. for a while. The items you’re striving for are just road markers that let you know you’re progressing. an unexpected void. and not only the destination. You can cup it in your palm for a while.

feel free to visit www.shurrsuccess. For more information on all of our powerful Shurr ! Success programs designed to empower you to achieve success in record time. you’ve already reached the most important goal of life.com or call 877-944-4673.Get Out of Your Way! If you’re on a journey toward something worthwhile. 226 .

etc. You may also use this number to book Tim Shurr as a featured speaker for your next event or training program. The 9 Ways People Sabotage Their Goals and How to Overcome Them. more enduring impact on my own personal growth. I’ve prepared a FREE report for you entitled. it’s time for your next step. please call the toll free number for a quote. Discounts apply for bulk orders.com. Just go to www. employees. please call 1-877-944-4673.” 227 . You will also get a coupon for 20% OFF the Get Out Of Your Way Home Study Course. That’s why I put so much effort and attention onto creating a Home Study Course that feels like I’m right there with you! As a Special Bonus. This is a limited time offer for new readers so get your free report and your Home Study Course today! If you prefer to call in your order. “If you’d like to order larger quantities of this book for friends. put your name and email address in the box.EliminateSabotage. clients. fundraisers. I have read many books yet going through the exercises with the people who wrote the books always made a stronger. and you’ll instantly receive the report. In this program I will personally coach you through the process of eliminating beliefs and conditioned behaviors that keep you stuck or sabotage your success. Go to: www.com and order the Get Out Of Your Way Home Study Course".EliminateSabotage.SPECIAL OFFER Now that you’ve enjoyed this book.

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