Game of Coaching Ebook

The Game
Of…
Coaching
Play Your Way to Success
By Michael Stratford MCC, GameMaster™

―Supporting Coaches to Achieve Masterful Coaching‖
―Supporting Clients to Achieve Masterful Lives‖
Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?
© 2008 by CreativeU publishing.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of

America.
No part of this publication may be reproduced,

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Ordering information: All Books published by

CreativeU can be ordered by calling 949-716-9267 or
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ISBN: 0-9729877-1-1
2
Thank you to my fans!

NO one makes it alone. I don‘t care who you are, or
what you‘ve accomplished but sooner or later you‘ve
enjoyed someone‘s support. (If you‘d care to dispute
this, please send me an email and I‘ll prove it to you).
My fans have helped me all through life.
This is by way of saying that I am TOTALLY AWARE

that I have had the great gift and benefit of many
people along the way, and I‘d like to thank them now.
First, for all those of you who believed and still

believe in me, like my wife Carly, my son Matthew
and especially my coach Jay Perry. Thank you. It is
your belief in me and the belief of others that has
kept me going, even when, at times it seemed stupid
to continue. You all have contributed to my full and
everlasting potential coming alive.
Thank you to all my past, current and future clients

who have believe in me deeply enough to allow me to
engage with you as a coach, sometimes mentor, and
always a playmate in your own game. I appreciate
you.
Thank you to the support team who have helped me

get things accomplished, whether it be graphics,
website, finances, ideas, and even the local trades
who have worked on my house or supplied a service.
And especially thank you to God, the force, the

universe, or whatever you would name it. I feel
your constant energy and presence and I‘m grateful.
3
4
LET
THE
GAMES
BEGIN…
There is order for
no how to proceed
particular
through this book …
you could…let yourself browse and stop at whatever

calls you…it is after all YOUR GAME, and you get to
choose to encounter the essential game elements, in
whatever order you wish…so here goes…on the next
page are a few other ideas about how to PLRK! Your
way through this book to see how it fits you….
Or you can take a step
By step
By step
Path.
5
If that‘s your choice, use the Playbook contents to

guide you to the chronological order for how things
are set up. For many people this works. I applaud
your style and allegiance to it.
Or
YOU could play it at random. Woven in is the ‗Create

your own Adventure‘ mode. You look at the topics in
the table of contents, select the one your intuition
tells you to go to and then jump right to that set of
pages. Within each section, there are additional
prompts-opportunities to follow your gut and jump
some more.
Or
YOU can simply to finish the section you‘re reading,

go back to the table of contents and jump again. It‘s
not unlike teleporting. Sooner or later, you‘ll find
your way around the book. You might even decide to
‗go linear‘ for a while.
Or
YOU could make up your own way. Regardless of the

way you choose, I assure you there is no duplication.
6
Your PlayBook Contains:
Round 1
INTRODUCTION - 8
PLAY - 17
WINNING DEFINED - 29
NAME IT - 37
PLAYING FIELD - 40
RULES - 47
PLAYERS - 68
GAME PLAN - 75
Round 2
PREVIEW OF THE GAME OF COACHING
ROUND 2 - 80
Round 3
AN ARTICLE ON GAMES - 86
ABOUT THE GAME OF…™- 93
ABOUT THE GAMEMASTER™ - 96
7
INTRODUCTION
Hi there, and Welcome to The Game Of
Coaching. This Playbook is the result of many years
in the coaching profession. As one of the early
players in the Game of Coaching, I‘ve been at it a
good long time and have seen a great many things.
Some of which I hope will be valuable for you. Some,
I‘m sure will not fit for you. And that‘s as it should
be. I don‘t expect that my game is yours, nor will
you play yours the same way I play mine. I‘m not
here just to give you more knowledge. You have
plenty of that already. I just ask that you consider
some of the ideas as you read through, not as truths,
but as pumps to prime your imagination. And the
first thing I‘ll ask you to consider is one of my favorite
quotes from Albert Einstein…
“Imagination is more important than

knowledge. Knowledge is limited; Imagination
encircles the world.”
On the next few pages, I‘ll give you a little personal

history so you‘ll understand the crucible that birthed
this book. You can skip it if you like, but then you
run the risk that something quintessentially important
is buried in there. It might make a big difference in
your effective use of the book. Or, it might not…it‘s
up to you. At the very least, read the quote on page
16. It‘s a good one, and frames where both the book
and I come from.
8
A Little History
Welcome, I‘m glad you joined me, so here it
is…
My first true coach was Jay Perry. I say true
coach because he was and is the embodiment of
what the coaching profession is about. He personifies
the principles of finding a person‘s strengths,
illuminating their individuality of methodology, and
clarifying their internal workings of the client. He
then supports the optimal usage of all of that in the
direction the client most wants. He talks straight,
listens deeply, speaks little, asks few but very
powerful questions, and most of all believes in me.
That‘s coaching as I‘ve come to know and love it. Jay
was my first introduction to a different kind of coach
from those I‘d experienced in either the acting world
or my limited forays into athletics.
My first coach trainer was Thomas Leonard.

He was one of the founders of coaching as we know
it today. I took a workshop with him in 1992 in NYC
that was held in an apartment in Greenwich Village.
The apartment décor at the time was late ‗carpeted
platform functions as furniture‘. That style allowed
for a number of people to be in the same room
without feeling crowded or fighting for a chair.
At that time, I‘d been almost in retreat from

personal transformation. I had gone through the late
70‘s and early 80‘s with a fair amount of verve,
commitment and excitement about my personal
growth. And I got toasted. There were two distinct
9
results from that period. And not a moment of the
journey was what I‘d call, fun, inexpensive or easy.
First, I expanded my awareness a lot. I was

processed more than Velveeta (a whipped cheese-like
substance in a spread). I did courses on integrity,
creative breakthrough, bio-energetics, money,
communication, full self-expression, ‗into the abyss‘,
completion, balancing my chakras, and healing my life
among others. I visualized, journal led, walking
meditated, made lists and wrote letters to finish up
my past. I walked ropes high in the trees, did ‗be-
with‘ myself exercises, read consciousness books and
stretched my body and mind till I was red in the face.
Secondly, I had entrusted my development to

any number of gurus, philosophies and seminars. I
had been serially processed in the vain hope of
‗finding my inner power‘, ‗breaking through to my
deepest self‘ and ‗living my highest potential‘. And
though there was some value in all of the workshops,
there was still something missing. The end result was
frustrating. I was tired of transformation, weary and
wary of one more workshop that TOLD me how to
live in order to succeed. Invariably, when I didn‘t put
it to work in the fashion that had been prescribed, or
I didn‘t get the results I was looking for, I felt like a
failure with some deep hidden flaw. Why couldn‘t I
make it work? Was I just so undisciplined or inept
that I couldn‘t follow directions effective, consistently
or for a long enough period of time? Was there some
hidden key I kept missing? It turns out there was a
deeper reason, and it was one that made the most
significant difference of them all. The question of ‗fit.‘
10
And still I plugged through in my quest even

though there were some programs clearly went
against my grain. The leaders kept pushing me to
enroll others in the seminar so I could sustain my
transformation. They put me through their experience
of ‗ruthless compassion‘; essentially a euphemism for
extended verbal abuse as a means of enlightenment.
I was, you might say, shell-shocked by a

number who people who I‘m now convinced were
suffused with charismatic personality disorder under
the guise of insightful leadership.
And along comes my coach with an invitation

to yet another workshop. As you can imagine, I went
to this event with Thomas Leonard filled with great
trepidation. I was sure I‘d encounter yet one more
person who wanted me to turn my life over to his
system, so he could save me from myself. Since my
coach Jay had invited me to try this, you can also
imagine the amount of trust I had in him when I said
yes. Even so, it was still a huge leap of faith for me.
What I found has both surprised and delighted me

to this day. Here I was, in a room with this soft
spoken balding guy, being asked not only what I
wanted, but how did I usually get to success when I
achieved it.
This was the first workshop leader who actually

thought that I might know something about how I
succeed and he was interested in drawing my own
natural wisdom out of me. This notion was amazing
and transformational all by itself.
11
We can time warp ahead through more of my

participation in workshops with Thomas Leonard of
the hotel conference room type. Those led to my
eventual enrollment at Coachu for Coach training via
teleclass format in 1994.
It‘s now many years later and I‘ve had the

most marvelous adventure in this profession. This
joyous experience has caused me to reflect on what
my unique contribution might be to the world. It‘s
had me see who I really am. It illumined what I have
to give that also expresses my soul. Over time with
the support of my coach, my own inner wisdom,
some divine guidance (I‘m sure), some great friends
and a healthy dose of just plain imagination, I‘ve
finally come up with it. It‘s called, The Game Of™…
The Game Of™…is not a program although it

can be used that way if it suits you to do so. It‘s not
a system that dictates how you should or shouldn‘t
act. It‘s not a model that says ―if you only do this,
you‘ll succeed.‖ Instead, The Game Of™…is a
cultural revolution that is at heart a coaching inquiry.
It‘s an inquiry through the lens of the fundamental
elements that make any game we‘ve ever played…
fun to play. It also made those games engaging, full
of imagination, illuminating, challenging, and rife with
possibility.
The Game Of Coaching is simply one of the

many applications for The Game Of…™ I‘m here to
share with you. It‘s what I‘ve been doing for the last
11 years and having a great time, while also having
quite a wonder-full evolutionary experience.
12
The Game Of™…Coaching is the best game

I‘ve ever created. And I‘ve played at it equally as
much as worked at it until the two became one in a
character I‘ve named PLRK! It may just have been
the kid in me that never wanted to grow up. It may
also have been something deeper such as my attempt
to ascribe meaning to life.
In any case, what‘s become apparent to me is

this. It is in games that we find our desire and power
to practice and establish meaning. As a child,
through games, we experience our first encounter
with this dynamic called meaning.
A touchdown in football only means something

because the players, the league, the fans and owners
say it does. Winning the Nobel Prize is only important
because we deem it to be important. Coaching for
personal or business development, success and
evolution only has value because we say that it will be
that way. In the grand scheme of things, the only
reason Game-Set-Match in tennis has any point is that
we humans (and in particular tennis players) have
declared it to have meaning.
In truth, we are the ones who say what is/isn‘t

important and decide how we want to live, with
whom, and what our life is about. Yup, you might say
it‘s a duh, thing.
13
Oh, and one other item…the creature named

PLRK! He/She, (yes it‘s like that all over these
days) is the God of Play and Work unified, not in a
Janus-like identity where there are two distinctly
different faces or aspects, but instead fused into one
being, inseparable.
It is this delightful combination of Play and

Work in which you are doing both what you love and
what fits you. As a result of this amalgam, it is so
very easy to stay engaged with what you‘re PLRK!ing
at. It is profitable to the level that suits you. It is
often characterized by huge amounts of fun, so much
so that you forget how long you‘ve been doing it and
just have a great time.
The character PLRK! will show up from time to

time throughout the book so that you can be
reminded to bring your best Playfulness to the
moment and remember that it ALL means something,
ONLY because YOU SAY SO.
Now that all of that introduction stuff is said, I

invite you to give yourself to the Game, play heartily
and enjoy the book in whatever fashion suits you.
More on how to use this book is in the table of
contents.
Playfully, Your GameMaster,
Michael Stratford
14
So Now it‘s time to meet

PLRK!
There he is.
From time to time, he‘ll try
to add to the conversation.
He may just speak up and
remind you to have a little
fun while you go through
examining how to make up
your Game Of Coaching. He may actually have a
comment to share or even a question to ask.
PLRK! will eventually get his own cartoon strip where

he can pontificate if he chooses, address his own
foibles or simply and mischievously poke fun at
convention. After all, in the quest for the magnificent
marriage of Play and Work, to hold anything as too
sacred for challenging, self-reflection and just a little
irreverence would be completely out of character.
By the way, PLRK! is multicultural, ageless, apolitical,

and genderless. I may refer to PLRK! as ‗he‘ but that‘s
because PLRK! reflects and mirrors the writer or the
speaker. Because he is flexible, PLRK! will pick up the
character of whomever is reading.
So now PLRK! would like you to enjoy the quote on

the next page as his first request. He‘s really quite
well read, you‘ll discover, and mischievous as well. At
the very least, in terms of having a great time while
getting things of import finished, PLRK! is a master.
15
―From the kindling of the first fire to the latest

breakthrough in computer design, each technological
advance opens new levels of play in an age-old game
for the mastery of Life. Calling Man‘s struggle for
control over his environment a ―game‖ is no idle
figure of speech. Ours is a species of players as well
as makers. Indeed, these two intertwined qualities
describe humanness. Laughter and reason alike set
us apart from beasts.
Work and play are meant to reinforce each other.

Sundering them is a measure of human
imperfection—the wages of original sin some say—
and their union is a sign of Eden‘s innocence. Yet no
matter how tragically estranged labor and leisure
become, we still dimly feel that matters should be
otherwise and wish our work could be as joyful as
child‘s play. Slow-paced primitive societies take time
to harmonize work and play. Each new way of
working has to be played about so that it can be
thought about sanely.‖
By Sandra Meisel in the Afterword from “The

First Book of Swords” by Fred Saberhagen
16
Play
Play is the FUNdamental concept inherent in having
anything be the most magnificent game. Over the
years the words ‗game‘ and ‗play‘ have gotten a
mixed (and sometimes bad) rap. We‘ve all heard the
phrases:
―Don‟t play with your food.‖ (certainly not a good

thing unless you are observing a cat Play with its food
in which case it looks like it‘s having a great time at
something very serious-although it probably doesn‘t
feel like a great time for the mouse)
OR
―Stop playing around this is serious.‖ (implying
the only value lies in the serious, certainly not in
something as frivolous as the healing power of
laughter or the perspective gained by viewing
something as ridiculous)
OR
―You‟re not going out to play until you finish
your chore‟s/homework etc.‖ (which implies that
playing is a luxury to be earned by hard work but
certainly not necessary)
OR EVEN
―I‟m not going to let you play your life away.‖
(which suggests that if you did, it would be a total
waste of time, since it‘s apparently much better to
work your life away)
17
It‘s ridiculous to discount such and important concept

and source of energy. So, I‘m here to advocate the
Power of Play in a most important venture ―Your
Game of Coaching.‖ I invite you to turn the world
upside down and return to the true value of play, and
that is…
“play does much more…It may in fact be the

highest expression of our humanity, both imitating
and advancing the evolutionary process.”
―The Power of Play,‖ Hara Estroff Romano Psychology
Today July/Aug. 1999
18
The word „game‟ has endured an equal number

of condemnations over the course of time.
―Stop playing mind games with me.‖ Here we

have a command to cease a manipulative effort at
control by a ‗game‘ rather than a more overt method
of attempting to gain control via direct command.
AND
―Life is just one big game to you isn‟t it?” Once
again ―Life‖ must be taken seriously in order for it to
have any value. Isn‘t life already endowed with a
high degree of seriosity? Yup, I made the word up
but we do have curiosity don‘t we so why not?
AND
―I don‟t have time for your games.‖ This
suggests that there are more important things in life
than games. This will be news to those playing sports
for billions of dollars, children who play games like
they were breathing, soldiers who use war games as
preparation for war, and any number of other useful
training simulations.
It also suggests that the person speaking is already

so overwhelmed with their ‗productive‘ work efforts
that there is no time for divergence. This indicates
that the person is overworked and overcommitted in
the first place. And now, it‘s really your problem
because you‘ve attempted to add one more thing on
top of their overly busy, work focused, ‗I‘m the
master of my destiny and don‘t try to distract me‘ life.
That one thing you are ridiculously attempting to add
is fun.
19
So how come we are more than willing to watch

people Play games of all sorts and sports. We revere
the Olympic games and their players as one of the
highest examples of achievement, values, and
commitment. We will support games by our physical
attendance and remote witnessing. And we are
responsible for almost obscene amounts of money
being given to the players of various games about
anything ranging from TV programs like ‗Survivor‘ and
game shows such as ‗Greed‘, to sports events like the
Super Bowl, Nascar or the X Games.
A noted basketball coach who has led his teams to 9

league championships made this observation.
―Hopefully, our understanding of the power of

community will extend beyond our own rather
insulated little groups. Perhaps that same realization
will manifest somewhere else in the players‘ lives---as
parents, as friends, as community leaders.
One of the most beautiful things about basketball is

that developing this sense of community will
eventually lead to success on the court. In the long
run, nothing‘s more important than the evolution of
consciousness. Winning championships is the
greatest feeling in the world, but it passes. In even
the best-case scenario, it is just a byproduct. What
doesn‘t pass is the opportunity it offers each
individual player for personal growth and evolving
consciousness.‖
From “More Than A Game” by Phil Jackson

and Charley Rosen
20
There are prestigious Universities offering MBA

courses in ‗Game Theory‘ for business. We will even
invest huge amounts of money in defense of our
country and the training of that defense via our ‗War
games.‘ We talk of the Game of Love, and the critical
importance of learning games, for our children in day
care. We even have the National Spelling
Bee‘s…games wherein the winner gets a prize for
spelling words correctly. Chess is bad? So why are
games and the playing of them such a sin?
In a supposedly ‗intelligent‘ society, games and play

are often seen to be a distracting or frivolous.
Doesn‘t it make you curious as to why something that
has so much to contribute in so many arenas should
be dismissed, devalued, and even self-denied? Well it
makes me curious enough to ponder it awhile. The
next pages let you know where my musings went.
“Every many and woman should live life

accordingly, and play the noblest games…
What, then, is the right way of living? Life
must be lived as Play….
------Plato, Laws
Yeah! Play is
Noble, I‘m
down wit that
21
I started with the question, ―What could be some of

the reasons for this aversion to play and game?‖
Well, I‘m sure many people have their ideas, there

may even be tons written on it, but since this is my
book, I‘m going to advance some of my own. My
endless curiosity led me to a series of questions.
Are we still living in the difficult times of yesteryear‘s

agronomy, when it was necessary to work from 4:30
AM until dusk in order to survive? Are we still living in
the Middle Ages where it‘s said ―idleness is the devil‘s
handiwork?‖ I don‘t think so. And yet some do.
I thought, well, let‘s play with some math. Here is a

simple equation involving one week‘s worth of time
spent. Every one has 168 hours in a week, no more
no less. And though it sometimes looks like other
people have more or less time than we do, it‘s the
same for all of us.
Work/ career/ making money to live = 40-60 hrs.

Life maintenance work (kids, shopping, yard work,
laundry, grooming, household) = + 30 hrs.
This adds up to 70-90 hrs. per week in ‗work‘. So the
total work commitment on average = 80 hrs. per wk.
If the average amount of ‗leisure time‘ spent is 16

hrs. per week (which indeed may be high for most
people) then the ratio of all work to play is 80:16 or
about 5 hrs. work to 1 hr. leisure/pleasure time, if
we‘re lucky. Crikey, we sleep more than that.
22
We sleep primarily to allow for muscles to relax and
grow, our body to perform functions it‘s challenged to
perform when we‘re awake, in short, to replenish our
system.
And yet mysteriously in the middle of dismissing it,

Play has also been praised as the answer to stress
and anxiety. It‘s the supreme rejuvenator and an
essential re-charger for our personal batteries.
Play is what we strive to carve out a few hours for to

spend with our children. It‘s the reason we commit
50+yrs. of our life working. We work hard, so we can
have the last 15-20yrs. or so in retirement and Play.
But at that age, we‘re often fairly limited in our ability
to do some of our favorite forms of Play. In fact,
much of our time is mainly focused on enhancing our
ability to avoid physical damage while playing.
It may be that we‘ve just had this outmoded program

on our hard drive, bundled into our software (not
unlike a computer game). A program that devalues
the idea of approaching our life, ventures, projects
even our very existence, with a ‗play/game‘ mentality.
It may be that many of the roots of this devaluation

are religious. It could also be that the seemingly
uncontrollable nature of someone engaged in play
and games would keep that person from doing what
is necessary for the tribe to endure. And this would
endanger the continued existence of society.
I‘m not sure exactly when or where it came about but

it seems imbedded into the fabric of our society.
23
I can well imagine that Og the caveman would not

have play high on his agenda since it probably wasn‘t
much fun to run all over the place chasing down
animals to eat, or run all over the place trying not to
be eaten.
Later, there was the power brokering of uniting the

world under one God. That was serious work. After
all, religion is serious stuff. It‘s about redemption,
forgiveness and avoiding a terrible afterlife. What I‘m
curious about though, if that was the source is…
whatever happened to ―make a joyful noise unto the
Lord?‖ When did it become, ―make a stressful, work
laden, ‗got no time for play‘ noise unto the lord?‖
For those who would say that it‘s God‘s wish for us in
life to follow the path of abstinence, atonement, and
serious endeavors exclusively, one response might be
this. ―If your version of God had meant for us to be
serious all the time, we would have no muscles for
laughing, we would find nothing funny, and we would
clearly not have the abilities to invent games. Unless
of course, your God makes design mistakes. And
therefore the presence of laughter, play, the
melodious joy in a child‘s heart or voice and the
whole creation of games is part of what makes us
defective and worthy of being recalled.‖
Whatever works. And while I have a strong agenda

to challenge people‘s notion of the value of play in
our society, I will hold the line and say that ―if what
fits you, in your Game, is to abjure fun, play, and
enjoyment, then it is both your right and your choice
to pursue life with all the seriousness you can muster.
24
Here‘s a definition of play that the dictionary puts out.
PLAY: Free movement, or action; active bodily

exercise; activity often implying the ideas of rapid
change, variety; unimpeded movement; the space in
or through which anything can or does move; scope
for activity;
I especially like the words: “Unimpeded, Free

movement, active, implying ideas of rapid
change, variety.”
GAME: Here is a brief origin of the word ‗game‘.

Game has a long and prolific history. The oldest forms
are "gamen" from Old English, "game" and "gome" of
Old Frisian, and Old High German‘s "gaman", all of
which generally meant "joy, glee". From about the
same time period, Old Norse offers "gaman", meaning
"game, sport, merriment", we also see the Gothic
use of "gaman" which meant "participation,
communion" (OED).
The connection between Gothic‘s "gamen", meaning

"participation, communion" and the modern sense of
game is intriguing to me, in that it implies that ‗Game‘
is really about the joy and glee (even merriment) of
participation and communion. Hmmm…having fun
together. Yup, I can see why that‘s a bad thing…NOT!
In looking at the value of play, I tried to establish

what areas of human development and ―Mastery of
the World‖ that one would grow by engaging in Play.
On the next page is a partial list of the benefits of
Play. (play along and add some more if you like)
25
The
Benefits of
Play R
Learning Adjustment Literacy
Alertness Logical Thinking Memory
Attention Span Motor Skills Awareness
Patience Color recognition Limits
Concentration Pattern recognition Competence
Conversation Physical training Cooperation
Popularity Co-ordination Creativity
Problem-solving Reaction time Curiosity
Divergent thinking Reading Empathy
Reconciliation Empowerment Exploration
Cognitive Abilities Self Control Flexibility
Sense of humor Self identity Friendship
Self Confidence Role Playing Imagination
Discovery Impulse control Sociability
Independence Symbol Use Verbal skills
Happiness Social rules Joy
Perspective Taking Personality Development
Language comprehension Nonverbal Communication
Human performance Emotional expression
Social development Team building
Information processing Spatial Relations
Story comprehension Turn-taking
26
It‘s your turn now. After looking through that list,

and knowing what you experience during play, what
would you add that has yet to be listed? Go for it.
_________________ __________________
_________________ __________________
_________________ __________________
_________________ __________________
_________________ __________________
_________________ __________________
I don‘t know about you but between the two of us,

that looks like a fairly comprehensive list of what‘s
available in Play. I‘m very certain it covers many of
the skills that people at work would want us to have.
In fact, if Play is as much fun as it could be, we might
even learn how to do all of these work things faster.
That should appeal to the people who have FDD- Fun

Deficit Disorder, a.k.a. FUDDS, as in Elmer. If you
ever noticed, Bugs Bunny accomplished more, solved
more problems and had a better life experience than
Elmer Fudd who was always trying to control how
things work out. Hmm, let‘s see…cartoons as useful
metaphors…Look out! An entire series of the TAO of
cartoon characters books, The Zen of Bugs, The Road
Runner as CEO, Wisdom of the Loonie Toons, and
Leadership Lessons from Yosemite Sam books could
be on their way…
27
In any event, we may just have more fun and learn

something in a completely different way….besides,
who says World Tennis Champions don‘t take their
Game seriously…..and last year the Online Computer
Game industry grossed 2 Billion Dollars, which in my
books is SERIOUS MONEY….so, since you‘re about to
venture into creating Your Game Of Coaching, I
strongly urge you to consider using this phrase when
you‘re stuck…‖Show me the Funny.‖
“Play‟s value among adults is often vastly

underrated. We would all agree that play lifts
stress from us. It refreshes us and recharges
us. It restores our optimism. It changes our
perspective, stimulating creativity. It renews
our ability to accomplish the work of the world.
By anyone‟s reckoning, those are remarkably
worthy achievements.”
‖The Power of Play,‖ Psychology Today July/August

1999. Hara Estroff Marano
28
WINNING DEFINED
WIN: To make or find one‘s way; to arrive at or
come to some place, chiefly a desired end, a
condition, an experience; to succeed in bringing
together; to gain by effort in gaming.
Of course there are many other definitions of ―win‖

including those of vanquishing, conquering, gaining
the allegiance of, etc. and these are all valid.
Whatever suits your fancy, however I want to ask you
this question before you define ―winning‖ for yourself:
―Has your definition of winning gotten you all

that you want, where you want to be, and
with the experience you wanted to have in the
process?‖
We all have our own definitions of winning and they
may or may not be serving us. In some cases our
definitions are the by-product of some programming
by someone else earlier in our life. Or in other cases
it‘s defined by ‗experts‘ who know what winning is, or
at least they would assert they do. I don‘t know what
winning is for you. I never will unless you tell me.
I‘m not you, and my definition of winning may or may
not suit you but it sure as heck suits me. And after
all, that‘s as it should be, it is my life.
Until now, how has winning in your coaching business

been defined by you or by others? How has winning
in coach training been defined? In self-employment?
29
Whose definition of winning are you really using?

YOURS? OR SOMEONE ELSES?
Most of us are using a definition that is a synthesis of

input we‘ve garnered throughout our life. Some of it
is conscious and some of it is not. I‘ve learned to
look at each situation to define winning for it. There
is no blanket winning formula for me. Each situation
requires that I look at what‘s possible and assess how
I would most like to experience the game. Then the
‗winning defined‘ becomes clear. When I don‘t do
this, or break my own Rules, Play with players I‘m not
interested in playing with or even take on a Game in
a field that doesn‘t fit me, then I subject my self to
unpleasant consequences and often Penalties.
Now for a Create Your own Game moment…If you
want to see how Rules Play go to page 47 and then
you can come back, keep reading, or you can pick a
box below and follow the directions.
If you want to see how players fit in your

definition of winning, go to page 68
If you‟d like to read about how the Playing
Field affects winning then go to page 40
If you want to be brave and face “Penalties and /or

Consequences” now rather than later go to page 63.
Whichever choice you‘ve made, just know that none

of your winning definitions are set in stone. You are
the person creating the definition in the first place.
30
It‘s important to note that sometimes we will become
the victims of our own definitions. So, if our choice
creates an experience we‘re not interested in having,
then it‘s worth it to pause in the Game to re-evaluate
how we‘ve defined winning and what we‘re after. It‘s
also helpful to ask a defining question about winning
here as a prompt. Here‘s PLRK‘s defining question.
Since we‘re all going to die

eventually, how do you want to
experience your life on a daily
basis between now and then?
“Yikes, did he say we’ll die?” YUP

It‘s not the dying that‘s important it‘s how we live in
the meantime. If you notice, inherent in the question
is a redirection of the usual focus. It‘s not about the
stuff, the toys, and all the markers of
accomplishment. It‘s about what it‘s going to feel like
in the doing. The stuff is a great game. But for me it
feels like the game board rather than the actual
experience of winning.
Here‘s my definition from my Game Of My Physical

Being… ―To be able to eat whatever I want and still
experience full health, vitality, strength, endurance,
flexibility and looking good.‖
31
When I‘m winning my game, exercise and food

management will occur naturally through exuberance
and peaceful dedication instead of stress and pain.
Here are some questions about winning to help

you get clarity:
 If you could choose your own definition of

winning, what would it look like?
 What are the particulars?
 What would it FEEL like?
 What personal values do you want to honor?
 What would you experience while winning?
 What would make it all worthwhile, no matter
what you had to do to get it there?
Take a few minutes and write about what winning

would be like for your Game of Coaching.
Here are some extra questions as prompts:

 In what ways does your definition of winning
affect those of who are important to you?
 What do you want for them as a by-product of
participating in your game?
 When you are winning in the way you like, how
will you know?
And, ―Who says that by you winning someone else

has to lose?
32
The next step in the process is to ―4-D™‖ it. What

this means is to examine it as if you were a camera
going around a sphere looking at all the views and
then diving right inside the sphere to look at it from
the inside out and over a span of time. Here‘s an
example of what might be uncovered by 4-D‘ing
something.
If I define winning as ―having a balanced life‖…
On surface it looks good and there is a lot of airplay

on ―Work-Life‖ balance. However if you look at it
clearly, you can see that the prevailing experience of
that balance is like this:
Work
Life
Or like this
Work
Life
33
OR SOMETIMES WHEN WE‘RE LUCKY LIKE THIS:
Life Work
Yup, the up and down of a teeter-totter. This is not a

useful model, since in the idea of balance, it pits one
energy against the other with Work at one end and
Life at the opposite end. It occurs with the hope that
you can give equal, or at least enough time,
attention, energy, and importance to both. Often in
that scenario though, when one is up the other is
down.
A new game may simply require an adjustment of

language. Work-Life Integration is a possibility. This
has the two blending with each other, which is really
the process when you look at the common
denominator of who is attending both events. (it‘s
one person-you). In some ways, one has to be able
to leverage strengths from one area into the other.
It‘s been said that one of the major problems in
corporate world is that one hires a person for their
skills/talent and experience and a whole person
shows up. The whole person includes their life.
So, integration could look like this:
L w I o F r E k
34
Which could result in an entire new concept called

Lwiofrek , where work and life function as one word.
Integration assumes that the two function within each
other‘s realm.
Or it could even look like this:
LIFE
Work Health
Wealth Contribution
Family
Legacy Relationships
Recreation
Community
How about if one has a totality called ―My Life‖ as the

umbrella under which each of the elements of work
and non-work actually interacts and informs/supports
the other. This umbrella idea plays with work as a
sub-category of life instead of being a partner to life.
When we die, we don‘t say someone is dead, but
they‘re still working. Your life includes everything you
do, including your games of coaching, work, family,
recreation, community, your health etc. and when
your life is done, so is your participation in those
arenas.
35
―Doo doo doo doo, doo doo, doo doo …can‘t touch
this‖ It‘s CHALLENGE TIME…
Try to define winning as the experience you want to

have while playing, rather than as a specific finite
outcome.
1. How can you experience winning in your Game
of Coaching every day?
2. If the outcome were a movie instead of a
snapshot, what does that movie look like?
Take a few minutes to write down some thoughts,

describe some images, catch some phrases or draw
some pictures or take a nap, or do nothing at all and
skip to somewhere else in the book.
PLRK!ing myself into bliss

every day. That‘s winning.
36
NAME IT
In many ―primitive‖ cultures, there is a belief that by
naming something, especially calling that something
or someone by its true name, you gain power over it.
In the Game Of™…Coaching, it‘s important to true-ly,

Name Your Game. The power you have over your
game is determined by the accuracy with which you
name it. It makes it easier to determine if you‘re on
the right track. It makes it easier to communicate to
others, and it makes it easier to identify for you.
Here‘s an example: Southwest Airlines look‘s like it‘s

in the Airline Game. When you look at what else
airlines carry while they are carrying people, it looks
like it‘s in the Transportation game. In fact, as the
employees have identified for themselves, they are in
the Entertain Them While Traveling Game. While
many other airlines had a variety of methods to deal
with the extra long delays in the airports-some put in
more inspection stations and some hired vendors for
food. At one point, Southwest hired jugglers and
other entertainers to take care of the crowd while
waiting in lines and their stewards are known for fun.
So….What‘sthe Name of Your Game?

Does it mean anything to you? (points for
recognizing the Abba reference)
What says it so clearly and from the heart

that it resonates throughout your being?
37
It may not be adequate or specific enough to say

you‘re playing the ―Coaching Is My Life‘s Work
Game‖, since it doesn‘t completely define the quality
of life experience or the area of focus you may want
to play in. And then again it might, however, below
are some prompts…
―How
It the it the much
Is ―Do Is
fun can I
Only what have while
I need to do rising up the
and nothing income ladder‖
more,‖ Game? Game?
Is it the
―Building
lasting
relationships
through public
speaking‖ Game?
Or is it the ―Bust my butt

until retirement
then get out as soon as I can‖
Game?
38
The flavor you put in the Name, adds flavor to how

you play the Game.
So…Here‘s an opportunity to Name Your Game so you

can have it be just the way you like it.
OH, and one other thing…here‘s the good news. It‘s

Your game. So if you would like to change the name
later…go for it.
Here‘s a space to write down a bunch of names and

boldly crossing them out so you have the experience
of choice…or you can do it your way…whichever
works…
39
PLAYING FIELD
―Build it and they will come,‖ Field of Dreams
This section of The Game Of Coaching is about the

playing field, home court, or the board you want to
play in or on. Getting clear about what the ideal
playing field for you is a crucial part of setting it up to
win. Without knowing what the best field is for you,
you could spend endless amounts of time, money,
energy, emotion, (pick your favorite resource here)
and never get the results you might desire.
One example that I experienced was my first playing

field for coaching. When I first began coaching I
naturally gravitated to the field I knew best, or knew
most. That was the field of out-of-work actors. I had
been in the profession for many years and believed I
knew a lot about what they needed. I reasoned,
many of them could definitely use a coach. In fact, in
the early days before I knew better, I believed many
of them definitely needed a coach.
Well, you smart folks who usually figure out where

the mystery is going can already see the writing on
this wall and the fallacy of my thinking. Many of
these people were out of work actors for a good
reason. And out of work actors often have little if any
discretionary income to spend on a business coach
since they are already laying out money for acting
coaches, singing coaches, dance classes, scripts,
pictures and resumes etc. just to get work. Clearly,
the field did not have high potential for paid work.
40
It wasn‘t that they couldn‘t use a coach, they could. I

just wouldn‘t be able to make enough money to live
on from the few people who both could and would
hire me. I would soon become an out-of-work coach.
I had to find a playing field that had a more lucrative

possibility, or turn that playing field into gold, which
didn‘t seem likely right away. It looked like more
work than it was worth. I eventually wound up in a
field much more suited to me that also had a decent
income potential. Rock Bands.
So choosing a playing field that has the qualities you

want/need in it, is an integral part of setting it up to
win.
Choose wisely
young grasshopper
Create Your Own Game Moment: On page 45 are some

prompts/questions to consider when choosing your playing
field. You can jump there right away. You could just read
the next two pages in between and see how the distinction
between away court and home court affects your game.
It‟s up to you. You can always come back to the
away/home court pages, they won‟t disappear…I think.
41
Many people are playing their game on the ―away‖

court and wind up at a distinct disadvantage. You
see this in business all the time. Home field has lots
of advantages and you might as well set yours up to
suit your strengths….
Let me give you an example of how this works.
At one point in my career, I booked a workshop in a

hotel. It was high priced. I had justified the use of
that hotel for many reasons, including the one about
how I wanted to impress the people taking it with
how successful I was. I had reasoned that if the
workshop was going on in this impressive place then
people would think the work was impressive and
therefore so was I. This put me on their court. The
hotel got to determine prices, arrangements of room,
times in and out, the room I presented in, and how
much noise I could make. They even determined
what kind of food would be available, when, for how
much and there was little negotiation about it.
I went ahead and booked the room, did the workshop

(it was thankfully only one day) and felt like I hadn‘t
really been myself. I also spent a lot of time
adapting.
The next workshop I did, I hunted around and found

a karate studio that had a great open, adventurous,
committed energy in it. Yes, there were some house-
rules about no drinking, smoking or eating in the
space. However, all of those rules aligned with what
I wanted anyway. The price was much lower, and
the owner was grateful since I was renting his space
on a day he didn‘t use it so he had ‗found‘ money.
42
As for me, well I saved money and we both won. In

addition, the studio was next door to several other
businesses that were closed when we were scheduled
so noise was not a factor. In any event, noise was
something the owner‘s neighbors were used to so it
was already okay. I could have the space for much
longer hours, and there was a plethora of places to
eat nearby. This cut out the hotel prices for food.
Lastly, the participants thought it was cool to have it

in that dojo because the ―vibes‖ suited the workshop.
It became my home court for many years and I did
many successful workshops there.
Here‘s the point. It‘s so much easier to win on your

home court simply because it is designed to suit your
needs, not someone else‘s.
So when you pick an arena to play in, it‘s important to

be clear about what works best for you. When I play
in the corporate arena, I only visit courts that allow
me to be fully me, doing what I do best. That doesn‘t
hold true for all or even a lot of them, but in the ones
in which it does hold true, we both have a great time.
When I play in the Coaching Arena as a trainer, I

only work with organizations that allow me to be fully
creative in the process. That way, I always get to put
forth my best efforts. It‘s no coincidence that this
criterion has allowed me to shine often.
So whether you call it the board, playing field, court

or arena, it still works to know under what situations
you play best and most congruently as yourself.
43
Away Court
Another example of how important the ‗away‘ court
set up occurred for me when I was doing a leadership
training for a company in Europe. The directors we
were working with were extremely task oriented. The
work we were doing was in the realm of Leadership
Intelligence™, and in particular the ‗beingness‘ of a
leader‘ that is the precursor to their ‗doingness.‘ Our
company wanted a retreat type atmosphere,
something in the country that had a slow-down, be
with yourself and nature, reflective type of space.
Their company (and they were paying) wanted to
have it in the typical corporate conference room,
institutional hotel setting that was convenient to the
airport, had wireless computer availability right in the
meeting space. We caved on our court requirements.
And we paid for it.
The result? We couldn‘t get them back from breaks

on time. They were continually checking with their
email, on their cell phones and in the same method of
relating as a leader that they‘d always done.
Managing tasks was the order of the day. Very few if
any breakthroughs occurred. The participants didn‘t
see or feel any benefit in what we were offering. The
whole experience was deflating for our team and
ineffective for them. In the debrief with the sponsors
of the program, one of them astutely commented, ―It
would have been better to get them out to the
country so they would have been in a more reflective
mode.‖ My co-leader and I looked at each other and
said a silent ―Duh!‖ while nodding yes.
44
The Importance of making ‗away‘ court the home

court as much as possible can‘t be overemphasized.
If you want to have a say in how the events go, it‘s
up to you. So, here‘s where you get to define what
you need in order to succeed in your Game Of
Coaching on an away/home court.
What requirements and/or conditions of the arena will

have you thrive when you‘re playing on the ‗away‘
court‘?
What playing field allows you to use all or most of

your strengths?
When you‘re playing on ‗home court‘ how would you

want to feel?
45
On this page are some questions to help you gain

some clarity about the arena that matches you.
What arena/playing field/court/board suits you

best?
What environment is a good fit for you?

(circle or check all that matter to you)
Inside
Outside
Structured
Free flow
Urban
Rural
Small business
Corporate
Entrepreneur
High pressure
Mellow
Global
Multi-cultural
Same sex
Older
Younger
Risk oriented
Security oriented
Social
Fast paced
Mellow
Ultimately, it‘s your game, so you might as well

set yourself up to win.
46
RULES
In your game, you get to make up the rules. It‘s very
useful to consider how you most want to experience
your coaching business. There is no ‗right‘ or ‗only‘
way to have a thriving coaching business. There is
only your way. You get to make up the game for
you. Sometimes, you get to ‗cheat‘. (see ‗Cheating‘ on
the next page if you‘re curious about what I mean).
One of the first questions in any game is ―what are

the rules?‖ In every game there are rules of one sort
or another. Rules are what keep everyone playing in
the same fashion. Rules keep us from going off
course, and rules are what define the penalties when
the rules are broken. Rules are the filters through
which we focus our energies and keep some attention
on where we‘re going. They are also malleable.
When the rules aren‘t working, when they aren‘t
supporting us in getting what we want or where we
want to go, then it‘s time to break them, or change
them; modify them in some fashion. Or discard them.
47
Cheating
Almost every innovation, every breakthrough in the
world; whether it was science, medicine, sports, art,
movement, the military, business, whatever; they all
happened because someone either broke or modified
the rules. In most cases, it‘s because the pre-existing
rules didn‘t work for the people having to play the
game because they didn‘t choose the rules in the first
place.
Some great rule breakers:

In the American Revolution, the colonists ‗broke‘ the
rules of warfare and began a guerilla type tactic that
eventually overthrew the British domination in the
country. They had to do that, they felt because, #1
they were ill equipped to fight on England‘s terms, #2
the terrain lent itself to that kind of battle, and most
importantly #3, their survival was at stake.
A number of scientists throughout history broke the

rules when they advanced science over the church or
the dominant theory of their day. Copernicus, Da
Vinci, Galileo, the list is long and heralded. Where
would we be if medicine hadn‘t broken the rules
about bloodletting and leeching as primary means of
healing.
In fact, going outside the box, which is so popular

these days, is essentially breaking the rules. At the
very least, it‘s changing how they apply. The trick is
to understand which rules serve what, and how they
interplay with our own personal game.
48
Many of us are still following the rules of our parents

about x, y, or zed. These are rules that others made
up, were only appropriate for a certain era, and yet
we‘re still playing by them. Sports are changing the
rules all the time in an effort to make a game more
exciting, or move it quicker or just to accommodate a
television commercial. And athletes are changing the
way they get paid. They are breaking the rules of
club loyalty by using a ‗free agent‘ mentality. They
are loyal to themselves and whatever the market will
bear and their negotiated contracts reflect that.
What really is ‗CHEATING?‘ Basically, cheating is

breaking the rules, or doing something defined as not
fair, by someone else. It could also be just coloring
outside the lines, which is also known in some
instances as innovation.
An example that swept through the newspapers in

the U.S., was about a female reporter who had been
criticized for wearing ‗skimpy‘ outfits as a college
football sideline reporter. Even with that, she still
rose through the ranks of a major network. Then she
posed for a men's magazine that, while not porn, was
revealing. She was soundly chastised publicly about
whether she should be or could be accepted as a
sports journalist. (As if all female sports journalists
must look like truck drivers and wear burkhas "It's
OK for you to be attractive," said another female
journalist, "but when you use it, that's when it's time
to cry foul. That changes the game." Hmm… So now
we all know that it is not okay for accomplished
women to be intelligent, capable and sexy at the
same time…
49
Cheating is about changing the game and seeing how

something could be done differently and in their best
interest. (which some people say is unfair, forgetting
that the concept of ‗fair‘ is a human invention in the
first place, and therefore subject to regular revision
by anyone deciding what's truly fair for them)
Here‘s an example where a person used this concept

to their advantage while playing their game:
Originally there was no passing the ball in football.

There were no specific rules against it, only implied
ones. When the first coach put a pass into the game
there was consternation, anger and cries of cheating.
However, the rest of the teams soon saw the
advantage and excitement it gave to the game, so
they adjusted. They made up new rules.
A second example of how cheating might work is

exemplified in my own breaking the rules of how to
write a book. The traditional ‗rules‘ of writing a book
include: ‖Lock yourself inside a hotel room and write
it till it‘s done,‖ or ―do your morning pages everyday
ala ―Artist‘s Way‖ or even, ―You must write everyday
for a specific amount of time and be disciplined about
it.‖ There‘s even, ―you must have a clear desk.‖
Well, for me, too much discipline is not the most fun I
have with my shoes on, so I looked at my own way of
getting things written. Whenever I have a workshop,
a presentation, a public speaking engagement, or
class, I always get my writing done. I have no trouble
generating material for it.
50
My answer then is to book workshops, talks etc. on

specific topics. Then I go to work writing. Lately,
I‘ve even begun finishing early instead of at the last
minute because I enjoy the process of re-reading my
work. It‘s something I was told I ‗should‘ do and
never wanted to before. Now, because of my own
desire to elevate my work in its professionalism, I do
it naturally.
In addition, since I verbally process, I have come up

with using a tape recorder at times, while people on
my team ask me questions about a topic. In my
attempts to explain or help them get clear about what
I mean, I create material. And so, it‘s captured for
later transcription, editing and fleshing out. By doing
it my way and using my strengths, I have more fun,
struggle less, and succeed often.
Therefore by some people‘s definition, one could say I

have ―cheated‖ by changing how it‘s normally done,
but who cares? The method I employ for cheating
effectively and with integrity, (how‘s that for a mind-
bender, ‗cheating with integrity‘) lies is the same
intention inherent in the medical code for behavior…
―First, do no harm.‖ When I hold to that simple ‗rule‘
I can minimize potential negative consequences.
One last thought, the label cheating is mostly applied

by others who have simply not thought of doing it
that way before, and dislike the advantage it has
given you.
51
Some rules are useful and are worthwhile remaining

in place. Rules add structure to our lives. And there
are some rules that currently seem unbreakable. I
say currently but who knows what‘s to come.
Take gravity for instance, to all intents and purposes

it‘s important to have respect for the rule ―what goes
up must come down.‖ Any of us who‘ve fallen out of
a tree while climbing or fell while skating know well it
is worthwhile to respect gravity‘s power.
But how many of those rules are there? How many

of the rules that we currently live by are actually rules
of that sort and how many only seem to be so.
Let‘s examine a rule about money. There was a time

when it seemed critical to hold the rule ―one must
work hard in order to make money.‖ It‘s obvious now
it‘s not the only way to do it and especially not if it‘s
important to have any fun or to be free from stress.
And there was a time in public speaking when the

rules said you must use a podium and rarely venture
out from behind it. Talk about visual boredom. Geez!
There‘s a cartoon on the next page from the book

Calvin and Hobbes. One of the things I love most
about Calvin is his boundless imagination and his
supreme willingness to be himself regardless of what
rules seem to be around him. He has also invented
his own game of Calvinball, where he and his pal
Hobbes make up the rules as they go and change
them as they please. His enjoyment is clearly in the
playing and the rules are irrelevant to that priority.
52
KINDS OF RULES
There are 6 kinds of Rules to consider when
you are looking at establishing your ideal
game:
SOCIETAL RULES: These are rules that Society uses

to maintain order. They can be cultural, political,
financial etc. This is where you‘ll find the Ten
Commandments, all of the Thou Shalt Not‘s as well as
Thou Shalt‘s. They include things like stopping at a
stoplight that‘s red, you must pay your taxes, etc.
Some of these are breakable, some of these require
mass intervention to break or change. Some of these
are bendable, and some are inviolable. Knowing the
qualities of these rules and the consequences is
important in setting up your game. Create Your Own
Game Moment: you can keep reading about rules, or if
you‟re curious, jump to „Penalties‟ on page 63 and then
come back.
53
What are some of the societal rules that have

the most influence on you?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
UNIVERSAL RULES: These are rules that we are all

subject to regardless of our country, our sex, our age,
or any other piece of diversity that may distinguish
us. They have a general application to all things. A
perfect example is the rule, ―Everything Changes‖ or
―Change is a Constant‖ (which is an example of the
Power of Paradox we'll discuss in The Game Of
Coaching Round 2, yup, it‘s a plug for the next book).
Which Universal Rules have you encountered

most often?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
54
HISTORICAL RULES: These are often rules made

up by your parents, or your parents‘ parents. They
affect our game because they were some of the first
rules we had direct experience with. They have been
carried forward into our current game long after their
―shelf-life‖ has expired. They are rules we hold
ourselves and others to, regularly, without thinking
about whether or not they‘re helpful in getting what
we want. Also in this category are the made up rules
about how the world operates. The range of topics
drifts from business and how it ―should‖ be done, or
how one ―should‖ approach it, to our health and what
you ―should‖ eat or not eat, how much or how little
exercise to do, and even how we ―should‖ interact
with the world/ other people/ or the environment/or
ourselves. It‘s all Bullshould, IMHO (in my humble
opinion)
What are some of the Historical Rules you‟re

carrying around?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
HIDDEN RULES: These are insidious in that they

run our behavior without us knowing it. These are
rules that others play by but often don‘t tell us until
we‘ve violated them and have suffered the penalties.
55
They are rules that came out of our historical rules

set and are so distant from our consciousness that
we‘re not even aware they are operating. They have
often been given to us via messages early on in life,
through our parents, schools, society, religion,
friends, etc. They are great momentum killers since
we often encounter them unknowingly or accidentally.
They take some concerted efforts to uncover and
dislodge, but their clarification and ―house-cleaning‖
adds power, speed, momentum and ease to our life.
What Hidden rules might be showing up in

reoccurring circumstances?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
YOUR RULES: These are ones you‘ve made up in a

sort of synthesis between your input (from all the
aforementioned sources) and your experiences. The
earliest ones have the deepest roots, and to our big
disadvantage were made when we are ill equipped to
discern the truth of things. Our perception capability
was not our best from ages 1-16, and yet we made
up many of our own personal rules for the world and
how to play in it during those years.
56
What are some of the Rules you live by that

have helped you?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
What are some of the Rules that you live by

that have hindered you?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
SCIENTIFIC RULES: I would be remiss in my

examination of rules if I didn‘t include scientific rules
that live as part of our world. They currently seem
unbreakable. I say currently, simply because it is a
function of perception and our ability to understand
the governing rules of the universe we live in at the
time we live in it. It might be something like gravity,
it might be the Laws of Motion and Thermodynamics,
it might be relativity, but in any event, they exert a
force on us that we need to be aware of.
57
What Scientific Rules are you subject to

regularly, even if only in metaphor?
1. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
2. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
3. ___________________________________
_____________________________________
Here are some rules illumination questions:

1. What rules are you living by?
2. What are your personal rules regarding The
Game Of…Coaching?
A.) Money?
B.) Friendship?
C.) Business?
D.) Facilitation?
E.) Your health?
F.) Your ability to have a wonderful,
rewarding (on all levels) career?
3. How many of your rules are rules that are no
longer useful for you to play by?
4. Which rules are ones are worth keeping?
5. What are some of the rule changes you most
like to make?
6. What habits and behaviors by others annoy
you? (this is a clue to some of your rules)
7. When you attack yourself for screwing up,
what do you tell yourself you should have
done? You know, the ―I should know better…‖
conversation?
58
If you were setting up Your own Game Of

Coaching, what would the rules be?
1. What rules would keep you on track?
2. What rules would you want others to play by?
3. What rules would you use to discern who was
qualified to play your game?
4. What rules would maintain structure of the
game?
5. What rules would best support you?
PLRK!
Try this game with Rules…list a rule then find a

legitimate reason for breaking it. Here‘s one. ―You
must stop at Red Lights.‖ Well, under certain
conditions, such as rushing my son to the hospital in
an emergency, I will break this rule and probably get
away with it.
How about another one, ―You must choose a niche in

order to succeed in coaching.‖ Oh really? That‘s
news to me since I never chose a niche. I must have
broken that one eight times. So it‘s curious to me
and others, how I became a successful coach. Over
time several niches seem to have chosen me
including niches like: rock bands, leadership and
teamwork with executives, people in career transition
that want to feel fulfilled and expressed by their work,
and mentor coaching. As of today my current niche
is…
“People who want to coach with me that I

want to coach.”
59
What rules have you Stuck????
Now it‟s your turn. Here's some space to try it

yourself. Write down some rules. As a side note,
notice how you feel when you consider breaking
some rules. Do you feel ‘bad‘? Mischievous? Headed
to Hell in a hand basket? (which has always made me
wonder how many can fit in a hand basket going to
hell? And just how many are already using the fabled
hand basket to Hell? And last but not least, who has
the best hand basket franchise and location here on
earth?) Oops, I just broke a rule by digressing.
Anyway, it‘s your turn to write some rules. Oh yes,
on the next page is space for you to play.
Do I have my
rules or do my
rules have me?
60
Create Your own Game moment: If you‟re concerned about

the consequences of changing/breaking rules jump to page
63. If not, please continue.
Below, list some rules that will define how you want
to play your Game.
First list the old rule, and then list the new rule you
want to replace it with. (Or you can do it your way, it
is after all, your game.)
Old Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
New Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
Old Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
New Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
Having any fun yet? Keep PLRK!ing
61
Old Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
New Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
Old Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
New Rule:
________________________________
________________________________
The point is…Rules are yours to create. Rules are

there to support you. Rules are yours to change. And
Rules are Yours whether you're conscious about them
or not.
RULES are YOURS, IF and ONLY IF YOU TAKE

THEM on. So just know, that in the land of
Rules, there are sometimes PENALTIES and
always CONSEQUENCES .
62
Penalties and Consequences

As there are rules, so are there consequences for
breaking them. Not all these consequences are bad,
however, every action has a consequence and some
of them bring penalties.
By definition a penalty is: Pain, A punishment

imposed for breach of law, rule, or contract; a loss,
disability or disadvantage of some kind, either fixed
by law for some offence, or agree upon in case of
violation of a contract.
Simply, penalties are what happens as one of the

consequences of breaking a rule. It matters little
whether others administrate the consequence or we
do it ourselves. Invariably, sitting in the penalty box,
(which is hockey‘s version of mom‘s ‗time out‘) puts
you or your team at a disadvantage. Therefore you
end up having to work much harder. However,
penalties can also be used as a recalibration tool to
put you back on center.
Here‘s an example: Often when you break your own

personal code of integrity, you suffer guilt, self-
recrimination and/or whack yourself on the top of
your self-esteem until you correct. This is a useful
thing in that you reset your personal gyroscope to get
back in touch with how you most effectively operate.
Personally, I don‘t like the idea of self-recrimination or
guilt or any self-esteem whacking but suit yourself.
Your time in the penalty box may have cost you some
joy, some momentum as you deal with it, some time
and energy, maybe some money or opportunity, and
63
just possibly some connection to others as you sit out
of the game while you wait and process yourself to
get back on course.
What if Penalties were used as a way of keeping

yourself on track. Not as a personal attack on
yourself but rather as an indicator of being off course.
(The energy wasted in personal self-attack is just that
– it‘s energy that‘s wasted, it produces little of value).
The most effective reframing of Penalties is to work
with a more powerful word called ―Consequence.‖
A consequence is: A thing or circumstance, which

follows as an effect or result from something
preceding; anything that follows something else; a
logical result. This can be a ―good‖ thing or a ―bad
thing depending on your frame of reference.
Attempting to break or actually breaking the other

kinds of Rules beyond your personal ones, already
have some consequences built in. What follows is an
excerpt from an email dialogue about ―getting clear
about the distinctions of Historical and Societal
consequences between me and Wendy Down, Life
Coach.
Wendy: ―Do they (the types of consequences) also

differ then by the kind of consequences that are
incurred by breaking them? For example, I‘m
thinking that historical rules became rules because
they were believed to lead to natural consequences.
For example, if you don‘t work hard the natural

consequence would be that you wouldn‘t get ahead.
64
So if you break this law by not working hard and still

get ahead, you‘ve shown that it is no longer a valid
rule because it didn‘t lead to the NATURAL
consequences that were feared. ―
―On the other hand, societal rules lead to man-made

consequences. So, if you steal or kill someone, there
may not be natural consequences for you, but you
have to deal with man‘s ‗created‘ consequences if you
are caught.‖
―Using the example of your son, let‘s say that there is

both an historical rule and a societal rule that ‗you
must do your homework‘. The historical piece of this
rule is that, based on lots of people‘s experiences
(including probably his own), if he doesn‘t do his
homework, his grades will suffer. The societal version
of this rule is that there are also consequences that
are CREATED (You take away some of his privileges).
Is this accurate?‖
Michael: YUP! (note the laser like reply, when I hear

a good thing there‘s no need to add more to it). And
there ended the conversation.
Just as in other sections here‘s another opportunity to

consciously design your game. On the next page,
you can fill in both columns. In one column will be
your rule, or the ―other rules‖ that may apply to your
game and in the second column put the consequence
(work with both possibilities, good/bad) of breaking
the rule.
65
RULE CONSEQUENCE
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
RULE CONSEQUENCE
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
RULE CONSEQUENCE
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
RULE CONSEQUENCE
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
______________ _______________
Are you PLRK!ing or

suffering? Your
rules make it so.
66
One last question regarding rules:
If there were no rules in your version of The

Game Of Coaching and you were making all of
them up for the first time, what rules would
you have? What would you do? If you‘d like
to let your imagination run wild, here‘s some
space…..
67
PLAYERS
When we‘re setting up our game to win, one of the
major considerations is: who are the players? In the
Game Of Coaching, there are three kinds of players.
It will serve you well to know who they are and how
they function.
The 3 kinds are:

 Key players (also known as Star Players)
 Role players
 Multi-purpose players
Here are descriptions of each:
Key players - these are the ―I can‘t do without them

players.‖ These are the ones who really make your
game worth playing and have a huge impact on the
outcome of your game. You are a key player in your
own game. There are others, usually only a few, and
they are very difficult (sometimes impossible) to
replace. They are stars in your life and game and
make it easier because of what they contribute. They
make plays no one else can make. They deserve
whatever it takes to keep them playing at a top level
without exerting extra force on you for that
recompense. They often require a lot of attention.
You may also be a key player in someone else‘s
game. My wife is the key player in my Game of Love.
Role players - these are people who play a specific

role in your game; one that is required by your game
and usually only requires their specialty.
68
A virtual assistant might be a role player in your
game. A coach might be as well. Even a web
designer could be important as a role fulfilled in that
it gives you freedom to place your Key Player energy
in a more critical focus. They are paid for their role
and so they are replaceable. It‘s great to have loyal
role players and if you want that, you need to know
what it would take to have their loyalty. For some it
can be bought. For some it can‘t be bought and they
require something else. Appreciation is a good value-
add to your payment to them.
Multi-purpose Players - These are players of

enormous value without any specific role or specialty
in your game. In fact, their specialty is that they can
fulfill many roles well although they probably won‘t
excel in any of them like a role player or a key player
would. They are valuable because they are great
backup. Also known as a utility player, this resource
may be a friend who would help you set up at a
workshop, though not necessarily a technician, or
they could help promote a workshop though they‘re
not really skilled at being a Public Relations person.
Their basic form of payment is frequent high levels of
recognition of their importance to you, appreciation
and the occasional quid pro quo of service.
On the next page, take some time to get straight

about which players are which in your game and
which ones you might yet need to bring into your
team in order for you to win easily and gracefully.
Pay special attention to the qualities you need them

to have in order to be effective with you.
69
Who are your key players in your Game Of
Coaching, and what do they do? ***Note, there
won‘t be many of these since they hold such high
impact in your game but there will be a few. And
they may be key in different areas.
Key Player # 1 _____________________________

What this player does: ________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Key Player # 2 _____________________________
What this player does:_________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Key Player # 3 _____________________________
What this player does: ________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Who are the key players you don‟t have yet?
Key Player # 1______________________________

What this player does: _________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Key Player # 2 _____________________________
What this player does: _________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
70
Now let‘s make up two ‗rosters‘ for your team. First
will be your existing roster. These are the people you
already have on your team to help you play the Game
Of Coaching. The second kind is your Fantasy roster.
These are roles and players you would love to have
playing for/with you.
Roster #1
Who are your existing role players and what are their
jobs/functions?
Player Job
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
71
Now for the Fantasy roster. These are the people you
would love to have but either can‘t afford yet, might
be in another league, or might not want to play in
your game because they‘re invested in other games.
It‘s essentially a Dream Team. And who knows,
maybe you‘ll get them or their equivalent. Wouldn‘t
that be great?
Roster #2 (a.k.a. Dream Team)

Who would you most love to have on your team and
what would be their role?
Player Job
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
___________________ ________________
72
Last but most certainly not the least are your multi-
purpose players. They are ‗warm the bench‘ players
in your Game Of Coaching and perhaps a different
level player in a different game with you, i.e. the
Game Of Deep Friendships. They ‗come off the
bench‘ when you need them to and do the best job
they can, even if it isn‘t their realm of expertise.
Roster #3
Who are your multi-purpose players and what areas
do they cover?
Player ___________________________________
Areas covered:
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
Player ___________________________________
Areas covered:
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
Player ___________________________________
Areas covered:
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
73
One last little bit before we leave the Players section.
Let‘s just challenge some of the Hidden Rules you
may already have about Players in a Game.
Create Your own Game

moment: If you want to see
Hidden Rules go to page
55. If you know some of
your Hidden Rules and
want to challenge them
then by all means go on.
 Who says you have to play with everyone? It‘s

an old assumption left over from rules made by
either by someone else or by yourself but is it
true? What would you gain by not playing
your game with everyone?
 How would using players of your choice add to

your experience of the game? Working with
players you didn‘t choose merely gets results
by accident instead of by design.
 How would deciding NOT to play with certain

types of players improve your Game Of
Coaching? This is the addition by subtraction
principle.
And finally, WHAT RULE says you MUST play with

the people you are already playing with?
74
GAME PLAN
Every good game player has a game plan they use in
order to play their game well. It is a strategy of sorts
that's created by what they are facing, or likely to
face while playing their game. It is the Game Plan
that may determine whether or not one has an easy
time of winning or a difficult time of winning. Since I
don‘t like losing, in my game, I‘m always winning
more or less. On some days I‘m winning more and
on others I‘m winning less but I‘m always winning.
This section is about setting up a preliminary game

plan. A set of opening moves that will get you
started. And while you might learn things in playing
that will change your plan, it's useful to start
somewhere. So…
 What will give you a great launch for your

game?
 How will the players you choose affect your
Game Plan?
 What will give you the experience you want to
have during the launch?
 What‘s the best move you can make from
here?
 Will you get your players first, second, or as
you go along?
 How does the Name of Your Game influence
and support the Game Plan you‘ve chosen?
 What, if any, rules will be forever fixed and
how will they affect your strategy of playing?
75
A game plan will include the strategy as well as the
tactics. For example in basketball, one team may
employ the overall Game Plan of staying close in
scoring to the other team in the opening quarters and
then pulling ahead in the last quarter by wearing out
the opposing team‘s players.
This is a different Game Plan from simply scoring

more points than the other team. The first Game
Plan would call for having regular and frequent
substitutions of players while the opposing team
keeps their players in thereby getting them more and
more tired as the game goes on. The more tired they
get the less effective they are at getting down the
court quickly, and even shooting the ball with the
same kind of efficiency they had earlier in the game.
In addition, in the above ―attrition‖ Game Plan there

might be several tactics the team would employ.
 Put two or more defenders on the key player
when he has the ball so he has to work that
much harder to move the ball and score.
 Start the defense at the far end of the court
when the ball first gets in-bounded so they
have to work all the way up the court with it,
instead of just defending when the player gets
to the half-court line.
 Put a strong, more muscular player as the
defender so the opponent has to work hard
and use a lot of energy.
 Have your team run quickly up the court with
the ball so the players on the other team have
to constantly be in motion and get their rhythm
out of balance.
76
Some chess players play better with some pieces on
their board than with others. They also know that
some of their opponents play less well with those
same pieces. Therefore, their Game Plan is to
continue to force the opponent to ‗trade‘ pieces by
capturing opponent‘s pieces with their own pieces
that they are willing to lose in the exchange.
Invariably, they are left with the pieces they are the
most skilled at playing with, often to the opponent‘s
dismay, and the outcome becomes a fait accompli.
If their opponents know this, they will have a Game

Plan to counter this strategy. And so on.
There are any number of combinations of tactics that

become evident once the strategy and Overall Game
Plan are chosen. Essentially the Game Plan comes
down to how you are going to go about getting what
you want to get done, done.
On the next page are just some of the questions you

might ask. Below those questions is a space for you
to experiment with your own questions and answers.
It's always your choice. Even if you don't want to
create or work from a game plan and decide to simply
improvise as you go, in and of itself that is a game
plan.
In your own Game Plan, it‘s also useful to consider

how you might counter some of the circumstances or
obstacles (your opponents aren‘t always competition)
you might meet. That way, when something comes
up to handle, you already are prepared to handle it
because your Game Plan covers the possibility.
77
 How are you going to approach having
your Game Of Coaching be the most
wildly successful game you‟ve ever
played?
 What are the moves during the game

that will most likely give you the
experience you‟re looking for?
 What is the Game Plan that most

naturally fits your way of getting things
done?
 How will you know when it‟s time to

make an adjustment to your strategy?
 What tactics (action steps) are self-

evident to take as dictated by your Game
Plan?
 What rules will support your Game Plan?
Okay, your turn. For those of you who need to use a

prompt you can try…"I'll begin by…
78
Preview of
The Game of Coaching:
Round 2
10 Essential Game Enhancers
In many novels these days, there is a preview of an
upcoming book. It‘s usually a snippet from a chapter
whose entire purpose is to have you be soooo
interested in the book you either pre-order the book,
or camp out in front of your favorite bookstore to get
it. Well, pre-ordering the book is cool, and I‘ll gladly
accept all pre-orders. Camping out is unnecessary
since you‘ll be able to get it either at my website:
www.playthegameof.com or at amazon.com
Either way, it will be readily available.
In any case, as a temptation/teaser, here is not just a

snippet of a chapter but an entire chapter in itself. It
is one of the 10 Essential Game Enhancers that allow
and support you to play your game well.
As for the other nine? Well, you‘ll either have to wait

for the book, sign up for the E-program where you
get one chapter a week for 10 weeks, or take the
Teleclass which not only gives you the material each
week, but you get to work it through with the
GameMaster as coach.
So without further ado, enjoy the preview…
79
Play It Where It Lies

In the game of golf, when a golfer hits the ball, it
lands wherever it lands. Sometimes it lands…
………………………………………………………in the
fairway…………………………………………….,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Sometimes…………………………………………
………………….in the rough
Sometimes
in
the
d
p
ee
ro
ug
h,
80
Among the Trees
PLOP!
Crap!#$#
sand traps
W h e r e v e r
81
No matter where the ball lands though, the golfer
must play it where it lies. (unless one is willing to
take penalty strokes and even then the ball is
―dropped‖ near the place it hit, not necessarily in the
best location, see Penalties page 63 in The Game Of
Coaching The Basics). While we can look at the
mechanics of it with regard to ball location, let‘s see
what‘s really involved in this particular rule:
 It doesn‘t matter at that moment what has

gone before. One can‘t change the previous
shot, whether it was fabulous, or terrible. One
still has to make the best shot available from
where they are to where they want to go.
 If the player thinks about the previous shot
and it was terrible, he may get tense, tight,
and hit the next ball badly.
 If the previous shot was terrific, she may get a
swell of pride, think she is ―all that‖ get a fat
head and over-swing hitting this ball badly.
 If they think about where they wanted to be,
instead of where they are, they may look up
from the ball instead of focusing on it and ‗duff
it into the turf, pathetically dribbling it a few
feet forward.
And unless of course one decides to cheat or to

payoff the other players, the winning strategy is to
make the best shot from where the ball is. Then no
matter where this one lands…‟Play it Where it Lies‟
once again.
82
So, no matter what you‘ve done in your previous

games, whether good or bad, it‘s valuable to simply
―Play It Where It Lies‖ and make the best of where
you are.
The first part of this idea requires that you identify

where your ball lies (with respect to coaching). Below
are some questions that may help. They may also
scare or delight you depending on where your ball is.
 How many clients out of the total you want do

you currently have?
 What systems do you have/not have to support
your business?
 What is your current level of certification?
 How long have you been coaching?
 What is the average length of time a client
stays with you?
 How well is your niche aware of you and your
service?
 Where are you along the continuum of
mastering, hiring out, or delegating the
marketing aspect of your business?
 If you are an internal coach, what do the
people in your company know/expect of you as
a coach?
 What is your current regular income from
coaching?
 What is your current desired income from
coaching?
 How much time are you allocating to coaching,
getting business, upgrading your skills and
admin?
83
Getting to the reality of where your ball is at least

gives you the opportunity to see what is needed. It
gives clarity as to what challenges are facing you, and
what you might have to employ in order to face them.
What is are some of the other applications of this

Enhancer in the Game Of Coaching? You didn‘t think
I was just going to give you the answer did you?
How coachlike would that be?
Here are some additional questions as prompts to

finding your own answer for the above question:
 What was your intuition about how to use it?

 How would you use it in your personal life?
 How would you use it with a client?
 How would you use it with a business goal?
 If this was the only way you played, how
would it affect your game?
Okay, now that you‘ve taken a stab at it…if you want

to, go to page 92 for a couple of possibilities. Or not,
it is after all your game to play as you see fit.
84
Origin of the word ‗Game‘

Game has a long and prolific history. The oldest forms
are "gamen" from Old English, "game" and "gome" of
Old Frisian, and Old High German‘s "gaman", all of
which generally meant "joy, glee".
From approximately the same time, Old Norse offers

"gaman", meaning "game, sport, merriment",
the Gothic use of "gaman" which meant
"participation, communion" (OED).
The OED identifies communion as: "Sharing or
holding in common with others; participation;
community, union", fellowship, association in action;
Ayto‘s Dictionary of Word Origins helps clarify the

development of the Gothic sense of "game". Ayto
notes, "The prehistoric Germanic compound formed
from the collective prefix ga- and mann-‗person‘
(source of English man), and is denoting literally
‗people together, participating" (248).
This "collective" is an important element in many of

the uses of game in the videogame sense—far more
than is apparent in the sense of basketball game, or a
game of Monopoly. For example, if you consider the
acronym MMORPG—massively multiplayer online role
playing games, which are games in which thousands
of players are involved in the same super-narrative at
the same time—potentially seeing and speaking with
every other character (person) in the game and
traversing the same computer generated landscape.
85
An Article on ‗Game‘
―Game is a mental or physical contest played according to
rules. People have played games since prehistoric times.
Games are usually played for fun, but they can also
provide excitement, challenge, and relaxation. Many
games also help develop mental, physical, and social skills.
To play a game, players may need a good memory,
physical agility, or an understanding of probabilities.
Games may also require skill at guessing what players are
thinking, or an ability to visualize changing patterns of
pieces on a board. Some games, such as the board game
chess, are so challenging that people may spend much of
their lives practicing and studying to improve their playing
skills.
There are thousands of different games, and they can be

classified in many ways. Games can be grouped according
to the kind of people who usually play them, as in
children's games, or according to the number of players
they require, as in solitaire games. Games may also be
grouped according to the object of the game. For example,
in cooperative games, players work together toward a
common goal instead of competing to win.
Another category of games involves organized competition.

These games are usually called sports, especially when
they involve physical activity, as in baseball. But even
board games such as chess may be thought of as a sport
when played in front of spectators, or when the winners
receive prizes or titles.
Some games are designed for educational purposes. Such

games may teach children reading or arithmetic. They also
may teach adults how to do a certain job well.
86
Games are most commonly grouped by the kind of
equipment used to play them. The major game groups are
(1) board games, (2) card games, (3) tile games, (4)
target games, (5) dice games, (6) table games, (7) paper
and pencil games, (8) electronic games, and (9) Internet
games.
Games that do not use any equipment, or that use

equipment suitable only for one particular game, are often
grouped according to where they are played. These types
of games include party games, such as charades; TV game
shows, such as Jeopardy; casino games, such as roulette;
picnic games, such as sack racing; and street games, such
as hopscotch.
Board games probably have the greatest variety. Each

year, hundreds of new board games appear on the market
in the United States alone.
One of the oldest known board games was found at Ur, a

city of ancient Sumer (now in Iraq). Archaeologists believe
the board is about 4,500 years old. The game was
probably a race game in which players threw dice and
moved pieces around a track. Today, many board games
are race games, including Parcheesi and backgammon.
Strategy board games have been played for thousands of

years. Most strategy games require two players. The
strategy game known as go is one of the most difficult,
though it has simple rules. Go originated more than 2,000
years ago in China, where it is called weiqi. Go is played
on a board with 19 horizontal and 19 vertical lines. The
object of the game is to capture territory by surrounding it
with black and white pieces called "stones." Today,
professional go players earn large salaries in Japan and
other Asian countries.
87
Other notable strategy board games include chess, shogi
(Japanese chess), xiang qi (Chinese chess), a variety of
different checkers games, and mancala. Mancala games
are a popular group of ancient mathematical African and
Asian games, such as the African game wari. They involve
strategic moves of pebbles, seeds, or other small objects
around pits scooped out of a board.
War games are board games that first gained wide

popularity in the United States in the 1960's. Such games
offer players opportunities to re-create historical battles in
great detail. Players see whether they can do as well as or
better than the great military strategists of the past. There
are also many war games involving battles set in the
future both on earth and in space.
Other board game categories include trivia games, such as

Trivial Pursuit; word games, such as Scrabble Crossword
Game; games of logical deduction, such as Clue; and
financial games, such as Monopoly. Some board games are
based upon a movie, TV show, or fictional character.
Role-playing games make up a relatively new category of

games. They may or may not involve a board. Dungeons &
Dragons, invented in the 1970's, became the first popular
role-playing game. Since then, many new role-playing
games have been published each year, and many have
become popular.
In most role-playing games, one player is named the

"gamemaster." The other players each assume the role of
a different character with special attributes, such as
strength or magical ability. Players lead their characters
through imaginary adventures, such as finding treasures in
dungeons guarded by monsters. The gamemaster tells the
players what happens to them through each stage of the
adventure, such as entering a room or meeting a dragon.
88
Card games probably rank next to board games as
having the most variety. Card games have been played for
hundreds of years.
Most card games use a standard 52-card deck, but some

games use only part of a standard deck. Several games
are played with a tarot deck, which contains many
symbolic face cards. Many card games, such as Uno, use
their own specially designed deck.
Most card games involve a combination of skill and luck.

The most interesting card games, and the ones that
remain popular the longest, are the games that require the
greatest amount of skill. Card games requiring the most
skill include poker, bridge, and the three-player German
game Skat.
Tile games use marked tiles made of wood, ivory, bone,

stone, or plastic. Several tile games are played with
dominoes. Mah-jongg is a Chinese game similar to the
popular card game rummy, but it is played with tiles rather
than with cards.
Target games involve propelling objects toward a target.

Children play many target games with marbles. They may
shoot their marbles at those of an opponent, or at another
target. In horseshoe pitching, players toss horseshoes at
stakes driven into the ground. Darts and bowling are other
popular target games.
Dice games are games of chance. They are based on the

random roll of objects called dice. Most dice games involve
gambling. Popular dice games include Yahtzee and liar's
dice.
89
Table games usually involve guiding or striking a ball or
disk over a flat surface toward a goal. Billiards is one of
the world's most popular table games.
Paper and pencil games developed from board games.

One of the oldest and simplest types of paper and pencil
games played today is tic-tac-toe.
Electronic games usually consist of software sold in the

form of cartridges or discs, and require additional
equipment to be played. There are four main categories of
electronic games: (1) video games, (2) computer games,
(3) handheld games, and (4) arcade games. People play
video games on hardware systems designed for game
playing and usually use television sets as a viewing screen.
People play computer games on a personal computer and
view them on the computer's monitor. Handheld games
are small and portable, and come with their own built-in
display. Arcade games are large, stand-alone machines
designed to play a single game.
Internet games emerged with the popularity of the

Internet. By going online, a player can participate in many
kinds of game activities. In one popular category, known
as massively multiplayer role-playing games, thousands of
people can take part in a game at one time. Each person
controls a different character in a detailed, imaginary
world.
The Internet also provides new ways to play board games,

card games, and electronic games. Many Web sites allow
players to find partners and opponents, and to compete in
chess, bridge, and many other traditional games. Most
video games and computer games now include an option
to play them online, making it possible to play against
opponents who live in other parts of the world.
90
Indoor games, particularly those known as "conflict
simulation" games, gained popularity in 1975. An industry
spokesman attributed the widespread interest in such
board games in the United States to parental fears that the
family is drifting apart. He said games enabled parents to
create a more attractive home life for all members of the
family. Nearly 100 conflict games were on the market with
names such as Tank Battle, Skirmish, War in the East, and
Panzerblitz.‖
From "Game," World Book Online Americas
Edition,
http://www.aolsvc.worldbook.aol.com/ar?/na/ar/co/ar216160.ht
m, February 11, 2003.
It‘s not too late to PLRK!

If you start now, you can
be a MasterPLRK!er in no
time at all.
91
Some Possible applications

for Play It Where It Lies
 No matter how well or how badly you coached
the moment, or coached the client you still
have to coach from wherever you are.
 Regardless of what was coached the previous
week you still have to coach the person who
shows up.
 Regardless of whatever successes or failures
you may have had and how they may have
currently positioned you, you can still make the
―best available‖ shot from right now.
 With your clients, you can help them look for
their best ―shot‖ possible from their given
situation even if where they are isn‘t where
they ultimately want to be.
 If I lived my life from ―Play It As It Lies‖, I
wouldn‘t regret any mistakes or even focus on
them while I was playing…I would simply drop
them, and any accompanying self-criticism or
self-accusation and swing away at my next
task, choice, or opportunity.
So now what? It‘s your swing. What are you going

to do?
92
About The Game Of…

The Game Of…™ is an experience that is adaptable to
whatever topic is important to the player. It is
designed to be flexible and create a context rather
than generate a model to follow. This quality allows
it to interact, engage and support any existing models
or programs without conflict. It brings a spirit of play,
openness, imagination and focus to the experience of
learning and development. The presentation is alive
with an ―outside-in-the-yard-making-it-up-to-fit-me‖
frame of reference that allows for the participants to
―bring their best‖ for whatever the project, direction,
or locus of their attention might be. It also gives a
simple language of support for those who chose to
‗play with the other kids‘ in a similar sandbox.
The Game Of…™ can be presented in as many rounds

as needed with the Game Basics being the first round.
The game is then custom designed to fit the needs of
those who want to play.
93
Delivery of The Game Of™…

The Game Of…™ can be delivered from the high tech
of Power Point and multi-media, to the lower tech of
a flip chart, vcr and monitor.
The game starts with a Hoberman sphere that has

plates attached for each of six core game elements.
The GameMaster starts the play by placing the first
piece/topic/game element on the board. After the
GameMaster has set the context for the room, a
member of the audience (the next player) is invited to
the front of the room and the sphere is placed in their
hands. This Player is then asked to connect visually
with the other participants. Once genuine contact
has been established, the player is blindfolded and
instructed to roll the sphere in their hands and finish
with one of the plates on top. Whichever plate is on
top is the next Core game element to be delivered by
the GameMaster (see below)
This continues until each of the six core elements has

been addressed. Therefore the game is played in the
order appropriate to the synergy of each group.
The Core elements are delivered by the GameMaster

in various ways and means. There are games, videos
viewed, processes, exercises, and opportunities for
coaching around the fit for each player. The
exercises etc. are experienced in solo, dyads, and in
groups depending on the number of people in the
room. There is also some discussion and Q & A as
part of the delivery.
94
Chronology of The Game Of…

The Game Of…™was first played in June of 2001 as
‗The Game of Your Business‘ with the New Jersey
Professional Coaches Association. It began with my
own curiosity about how it would be to create your
business as a Game. It was next presented in it‘s
slimmed down version in Sydney Australia in August
of 2001 where it was received with great enthusiasm.
This led to more development and the Game Of…™
resurfaced. It‘s been flowing ever since.
2002 Toronto, Canada ‗Game Of Your Life‘, delivered

three times in Jan. Feb. and April. Yup it was cold.
Philadelphia, USA ‗Game Of Your Life‘
delivered in August. Yup it was hot and humid.
Los Angeles, USA ‗Game Of Your Life ‗
delivered in December. Yup, I got smarter about the
weather.
2003 Columbus Ohio, USA ‗Game of Cutting Edge

Leadership‘ delivered for a news organization.
2004 Mission Viejo, CA. USA ‗Game of Success‘

played by coaches and other professionals.
2005 Chicago, USA ‗Game Of Masterful Presentation

and Facilitation‘ in July, yup, hot but inside so…
2005 San Jose, USA ‗Game Of Coaching‘ November

2006 Melbourne Australia ‗Game of Mastery‘ Jan.
And More to Come…in 2010
95
Michael Stratford – GameMaster

Master Coach /Philosopher/ Provocateur
―Play is the Way‖
Michael is well known as a leader in the field of
coaching, coach training and leadership development.
He has trained over 6,000 coaches worldwide. As
part of leveraging his expertise, he has authored
curriculum for many coach training organizations.
Recently he co-developed the Core Dynamics Coach

Training with Tom Stone, the founder of Human
Software Engineering. Together they have created
the Next Generation of personal and professional
development.
In field of Executive Coaching, he has a reputation for

helping others achieve excellence in communication,
leadership, and team performance. Michael has
coached a range of clients from Fortune 100
companies to Rock Bands. In particular, he focused
on Leadership at Cisco Systems, Wells Fargo, Ford
Motor Company, GE, Whirlpool Corporation, and with
Blizzard Entertainment, who produce the largest
Massive Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game.
In the field of Education he teaches at the Chapman

College Leadership Services Program, having co-
created their Coaching Skills for Business Leaders
Program. He worked with the Wharton MBA
Leadership Retreat Team. The focus of the project
was to upgrade the Wharton MBA Leadership Retreat
to be congruent with the MBA course curriculum.
96
Michael specializes in the Art of Provocative Inquiry
His creativity, language mastery, and sensing acuity
have helped his clients align with emerging trends
and personally congruent solutions. Michael has a
light and playful approach. Yet through his keen
insights, masterful coaching and training, he quickly
reveals a depth of knowledge and understanding on a
wide range of human and organizational issues.
A prolific author, Michael has written four books on

coaching including Masterful Questions and The Game
of Coaching, as well as Haiku, children‘s stories and
numerous articles in his ―Provocation Series.‖ He has
been featured in magazines and newspapers as well
as on radio and television for his coaching expertise.
Currently his writing projects include also ―A Dog
Named Stay‖, and ―Quintessential Leadership: 5
Timeless Practices for Lasting Leadership.‖
Michael lives in Southern California with his brilliant,

talented wife Carly. His creative and loving son, Matt
currently works for Blizzard in Austin, Texas.
―To be called a leader all one needs is followers, little

more than sheep. To be a great leader, one needs
to be worthy of being followed. Leadership is not a
job description, it‘s Being in action. Great leaders
are known for their ability to develop self-leadership
in others, not for directing traffic and putting out
fires. It is a ‗given‘ that all human beings are unique.
It takes a great leader to recognize the essence of
that divine diversity and then take time to develop
that magnificent potential into its fullest capacity.‖
from ―QuintEssential Leadership‖ by Michael Stratford
97

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The Game

By Michael Stratford MCC, GameMaster™

© 2008 by CreativeU publishing.

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of

No part of this publication may be reproduced,

Ordering information: All Books published by

Thank you to my fans!

This is by way of saying that I am TOTALLY AWARE

First, for all those of you who believed and still

Thank you to all my past, current and future clients

Thank you to the support team who have helped me

And especially thank you to God, the force, the

you could…let yourself browse and stop at whatever

If that‘s your choice, use the Playbook contents to

YOU could play it at random. Woven in is the ‗Create

YOU can simply to finish the section you‘re reading,

YOU could make up your own way. Regardless of the

Your PlayBook Contains:

“Imagination is more important than

On the next few pages, I‘ll give you a little personal

My first coach trainer was Thomas Leonard.

At that time, I‘d been almost in retreat from

First, I expanded my awareness a lot. I was

Secondly, I had entrusted my development to

And still I plugged through in my quest even

I was, you might say, shell-shocked by a

And along comes my coach with an invitation

What I found has both surprised and delighted me

This was the first workshop leader who actually

We can time warp ahead through more of my

It‘s now many years later and I‘ve had the

The Game Of™…is not a program although it

The Game Of Coaching is simply one of the

The Game Of™…Coaching is the best game

In any case, what‘s become apparent to me is

A touchdown in football only means something

In truth, we are the ones who say what is/isn‘t

Oh, and one other item…the creature named

It is this delightful combination of Play and

The character PLRK! will show up from time to

Now that all of that introduction stuff is said, I

Playfully, Your GameMaster,

So Now it‘s time to meet

PLRK! will eventually get his own cartoon strip where

By the way, PLRK! is multicultural, ageless, apolitical,

So now PLRK! would like you to enjoy the quote on

―From the kindling of the first fire to the latest

Work and play are meant to reinforce each other.

By Sandra Meisel in the Afterword from “The

―Don‟t play with your food.‖ (certainly not a good

It‘s ridiculous to discount such and important concept

“play does much more…It may in fact be the

The word „game‟ has endured an equal number

―Stop playing mind games with me.‖ Here we

It also suggests that the person speaking is already

So how come we are more than willing to watch

A noted basketball coach who has led his teams to 9

―Hopefully, our understanding of the power of

One of the most beautiful things about basketball is

From “More Than A Game” by Phil Jackson

There are prestigious Universities offering MBA

In a supposedly ‗intelligent‘ society, games and play