Why Women Wash the Dishes

by Filomena Colendrino

Narrator: In the town of Santa Rosa there once lived a couple named Hugo and Imelda. Every
mealtime they quesrreled over the chore of washing the dishes. Imelda would scold Hugo if he
refused to wash the dishes. Sometimes she would become angry and call him names, and if he
talked back she would get her coconut midrib broom and chase him with it. He would run to the
house of his ‘Compadre’ and hide there till his wife’s anger had passed. The neighbor familiarly
called cross Imelda; Ka Maldang, and Hugo, Ka Ugong.
One day just as they were finishing their lunch, Ka Ugong announced,

Ugong: I am not going to wash the dishes any more. He threw out his chest and lifted his chin.

Maldang: Why say so? asked Ka Maldang, holding up her chin higher.

Ugong: I say so, I worked hard in the field this morning. I am not going to wash any dishes.

Maldang: Ka Maldang stood up and, with her arms akimbo, she glared down at Ka Ugong
across the table.

Narrator: Her arms were stout. She was a big woman.

Maldang: Her voic was also big. And who, Mister Hugo, is going to wash these dishes? she
asked.

Narrator: Ka Ugong’s chest sank again.

Hugo: His chin also went down.

Narrator: He held on the edge of the table nervously.

Ugong: You, he said in a much lower tone. You are the woman. You should do all the
housework.

Maldang: And what do you do? asked Ka Maldang. You tie the carabao to the reeds in the field
and then you lie down on the grass to watch it graze. You call that hard work? I cook, clean the
house, wash your clothes; scrub the floor, I do all the work that only slaves do. And yet, you
even refuse to help me wash the plate from which you have eaten?

Narrator: Ka Maldang’s voice was now raised to a high pitch and her tears poised on her eyelids
ready to pur down.

Maldang: She looked at Ka Ugong and her broom. She grabbed the broom. She raised the
broom to strike him, crying, You, you lazy man!

Ugong: Ka Ugong ducked under the table. Don’t! he cried. Don’t strike me!

Maldang: Come out from under the table, you coward, ordered Ka Maldang.

Ugong: Wait, don’t strike me. Listen, said Ka Ugong. I got a plan that should decide who should
wash the dishes. He still crouched under the table.

Maldang: Come out of there. Come out and speak like a man, not mew like a cat under the
table, said Ka Maldang.

Ugong: Lay down your broom, said Ka Ugong.

Mladang: All right, all right. Come out. Ka Maldang put her broom behind the door.

Ugong: Ka Ugong returned to his seat opposite her at the table.

Maldang: What have you to say? asked Ka Maldang, wiping her eyes.

Ugong: Let’s stop quarreling over the plates. Let us have a wager. The first one of us who will
speak after I have said the word “begin” will wash the dishes. Always.

Maldang: Only that? asked Ka Maldang. The first one who talks will always wash the plates, and
bowls, and pots and pans. Always?

Ugong: Right, said Ka Ugong. If you even say just one word to me, or to anybody, or to
anything, after i had said “begin”, you will always wash the dishes.

Maldang: That’s easy. I can keep my mouth shut even for a week. You cannot. You even talk to
your carabao.

Ugong: All right. Are you ready? asked Ka Ugong.

Narrator: Ka Maldang sat upright in front of him across the table. She nodded her head,
compressed her lips, and Ka Ugong said,

Ugong: Begin!

Narrator: They both fell silent. They sat at the table looking at each other across the unwashed
plates and bowls and spoons. They did not like to leave each other for fear that one would talk
to himself without other’s hearing. They sat there just staring. Soon the cat began to mew its
food. Neither Ka Maldang nor Ka Ugong paid any attention to its mewing. The cat jumped upon
the dryingdishes to lick the left-overs. Ka Maldang did not drive it away, neither did Ka Ugong.
The cat licked the plates, jumped to the stove to lick the pot and pan on it. Over turned a kettle.
Ka Ugong pretended that nothing happened. He continued to sit still, and so did Ka Maldang.
Soon it was getting late in the afternoon but they went on sitting mutely at the lunch table. Their
eyes were tired down staring hard at each other. Tears began to roll down their cheeks. Ka
Ugong’s shirt became damp with his sweat. Ka Maldang’s sweat gathered on her forehead, and
trickled down to the sides of her face, and fell drop by drop to her breast.

Neighbor: A neighbor called, “Compadre” Ugong

Oh, “Compadre”.

Narrator: Ka Ugong did not answer.

Neighbor: The neighbor called again, “Comadre” Maldang! Yoohoo! “Comadre” Maldang! Yoo-
hoo “Compadre” Ugong, May i borrow your ax?

Narrator: Ka Ugong did not answer.

Ka Ugong looked at her silently

Neighbor: Perhaps nobody is home.

Narrator: Perhaps nobody is home.

Narrator: They heard the neighbor say to himself.

Neighbor: But why did they leave their ladder at the door? They usually remove the ladder when
they go away. Well, I will just go up, get the ax and return it later. The neighbor went up. When
the neighbor went up the bamboo ladder he was surprised to see K Maldang and Ka Ugong
sitting silently at the table where plates had dried p with left-overs. He hurried towards them.
What happened to you “Compadre”, what happened? he asked Ka Ugong.

Narrator: Ka Ugong neither moved nor talked.

Neighbor: The neighbor repeated his question: What happened to you “Compadre”? He took Ka
Ugong’s shoulders.

Narrator: Ka Ugong let him shake him, closing his lips lighter.

Neighbor: The neighbor turned to Ka Maldang. Speak “Comadre” what happened? He shook
her shoulders, too.

Narrator: She pushed him roughly aside but did not speak.

Neighbor: Did you eat something poisonous? Some food that has made you dumb? He shook
each one alternately. But still neither stood up or talked.
Narrator: The neighbor was alarmed. He did not get the ax but ran out of the house to the rest
of the neighbors. He told them that something terrible had happened to his “Comadre” Maldang
and “Compadre” Ugong. The neighbors gathered at Ka Maldang’s dining room.

Man 1: They took turns trying to make them speak.

Man 2: But the two continued to sit staring at each other in silence.

Woman 1: K Maldang looked at her husband threateningly for a moment then closed her eyes.

Narrator: Ka Uging knew that she did so to avoid at the neighbors.

Neigbor: He also closed his eyes and ignored everyone who had come up to his house.

Narrator: Ka Maldang was very angry with her “Compadres’s” interference but she dared not
speak her mind. She pretended to be asleep.

Neighbor: The “Compadre” was very much worried. He ran to the village herb-man

Narrator: The herb-man came to the village.

Herb-man: and when he saw the motionless, silent husband and wife sitting at the table,
he declared that they were bewitched. He spread a woven buri mat in the sala and asked
the “bewtiched” couple lie down.

Man 1: Ka Ugong obediently lay down and closed his eyes.

Woman 2: He curled up and went to sleep.

Man 2: But Ka Maldang refused to get up from where she sat at the dining table.

Herb-man: The herb-man said, Ah, the spirit which has taken possession of her is very
stubborn. I must break its spell.

Narrator: He then produced from a small bag which he always carried,

Woman 2: nine pisces of betl leaf,

Woman 3: a piece of areca nut,

Woman 1: a little lime from a tiny bone.

Herb-man: He examined the leaves closely to choose those which had veins running in identical
arrangements on each side of them midrib.

Neighbor: He cut the nut into nine pieces.

Man 2: He spread a little lime on each betel leaf, rolled them

Man 1: and wrapped them around each piece of areca nut.

All: He now had nine rings of the leaves

Herb-man: This represents the lost spirit of the couple, he said. He chewed the leaf and nut.

Woman 1: When he had chewed it,

Neighbor: He spat on his palm,

Herb-man: dipped a forefinger of the other hand into the nut-colored saliva and marked with it a
cross on the forehead of Ka Ugong...

Man 2: Ka Ugong did not seem to feel the old man’s fingers on his forehead

Herb-man: and Ka Maldang.

Woman 3: Ka Maldang caught the man’s finger and twisted it.

Narrator: The old herb “doctor” cried,

Herb-man: Aray!

Neighbor: and pulled back his hand

Heb-man: He moved toward Ka Ugong who was lying down, calling his name and slowly
several times, Come Ugong. Come back, Ugong!

The men: Ka Ugong did not move or speak.

Herb-man: Come, Maldang...Come home to your body now...

Come, Maldang, chanted the old man.

The Women: Ka Maldang did not answer

Narrator: Evening fall on the frightened village, frightened because the herb “doctor” said that
the spell might be cast on some other villagers besides Ka Ugong and Ka Maldang. He called to
the bewitched couple softly at first...
Herb-man: Come, Ugong...Come, Maldang...

Narrator: ...and then louder,

Herb-man: Come, Ugong... Come, Maldang...

All: But still they did not move.

Woman 2: Ka Maldang soon became tired so she reclined against the bamboo chair.

Narator: The old herb-man said,

Herb-man: This is the first witchery of its kind that I have met here. By their silence I believe that
they are dead. Their spirits, driven away by the witch, have left their bodies. The only thing to do
now in order to keep their souls in peace and to prevent this witchcraft from spreading among
us is to bury them.

Narrator: The herb-man ordered some of the men to look for bamboos to make two coffins
immediately before the malady would go to them. In no time, the two coffins made of bamboos,
hurriedly tied together were finished.

Woman 1: The women began to weep for Ka Maldang.

Woman 2: She leaned rigidly against the back of her chair,

Woman 3: and shut her lips tight.

Narrator: The herb-man asked the men gathered around to lift the couple into their coffins.

Herb-man: We shall bury them at sunrise. Some of us have to stay to keep the wake for the
dead, he said.

Narrator: The men easily lifted Ka Ugong and placed him inside his coffin. Surely, Ka Ugong
said to himself, he would win the wager. He would not be afraid of being buried. Why, he would
just get out of the grave when the neighbors were gone. He thought everything going on was
great fun and he was enjoying himself. How he would frighten them all when he returned from
his gravel.

Herb-man: The herb-man approached Ka Maldang.

Narrator: Although her eyes were closed she had been listening to his directions She was afraid
that he would surely force her into her coffin if she did not tell him to go away. But she did not
like to talk. She hoped her husband wold object to the men’s lifting of her into the coffin. Surely,
Hugo will not let me buried tomorrow. I am afraid to sleep in that coffin tonight. No, i will not let
them lift me into it, she said to herself. But she did not hear Ka Ugong speak.

Woman 2: She opened her eyes just as the herb-man, aided by two other men, put his arms
around her to lift her up from her chair.

Maldang: Ka Maldang pushed the men, go to her feet and shouted, Don’t touch me! Get out!
Get out of my house! Shame on you for coming here, meddling with our lives!

Narrator: Ka Ugong leaped to his feet.

Ugong: He also shouted, You talked first! He jumped about clapping his hands and saying to the
astonished neighbors, She talked first. We have a wager. Now, she will always wash the dishes!

Maldang: Ka Maldang lifted the lid of Ka Ugong’s coffin to strike his head

Ugong: but he ran out with his neighbors, still shouting happily and saying,

Narrator: I won. I knew i would win! Now i will never wash the dishes.

typed for you by: Jen B.S.

dedicated to those students who don’t have a copy :)