The

First
Date
Tom Matlack, in The Good Men
Project Magazine.

As Tom Matlack’s 16-year-old

daughter waited for her date to
arrive, she warned her father,

‘Dad, if you screw this up

I’ll kill you.’
“You  have  a  pseudo-­‐beard,  a  necklace  with  a  snake,   As  a  baby  she  never  slept,  but  I  tried  to  comfort  her,  
and  you’re  huge,”  my  16-­‐year-­‐old  daughter,  Kerry,  said   spending  the  wee  hours  of  the  morning  listening  to  
in  a  pleading  voice. sĂŶDŽƌƌŝƐŽŶĂŶĚƌŽĐŬŝŶŐŚĞƌ͕ŝŶĂĨƵƟůĞĂƩĞŵƉƚƚŽ
ƋƵŝĞƚŚĞƌƐĐƌĞĂŵƐ͘EŽƚůŽŶŐĂŌĞƌǁĂƌĚ͕ŚĞƌŵŽŵĂŶĚ
“What  are  you  saying?”  I  asked,  with  just  a  hint  of  a   I  separated.  Kerry  would  come  visit  me  in  my  rental  
grin. apartment  on  Friday  nights,  and  we’d  grab  a  pizza  in  
ƚŚĞ&ĞĚĞƌĂů,ŝůůƐĞĐƟŽŶŽĨWƌŽǀŝĚĞŶĐĞĂŶĚƐĞƩůĞŝŶĨŽƌ
“He’s  totally  scared  of  you.  Dad,  If  you  screw  this  up   ĂŶŝŐŚƚŽĨƉŝůůŽǁĮŐŚƚƐ͘
I’ll  kill  you.”
Given  an  opening  in  any  public  space,  the  girl  would  
“As  the  assistant  man  of  the  house,”  Seamus,  my   ƌƵŶ͘^ŚĞǁĂƐĨĂƐƚ͘&ŽƌĂƟŵĞŚĞƌŵŽŵůŝǀĞĚŽŶĂƉĞ
14-­‐year-­‐old  son,  chirped,  sensing  an  opening,  “I  think   ŽĚ͕ĂŶĚǁŚĞŶ/ǀŝƐŝƚĞĚ͕/͛ĚƚĂŬĞ<ĞƌƌLJƚŽEĂƵƐĞƩ
/ĚĞƐĞƌǀĞŽŶĞƋƵĞƐƟŽŶ͘͟ Beach,  a  huge  expanse  of  sand  and  booming  waves,  
ĂŶĚƐĞƚŚĞƌĚŽǁŶ͘^ŚĞ͛ĚďĞŽīĐŚĂƐŝŶŐƐĂŶĚƉŝƉĞƌƐ
͞zĞĂŚ͕ƌŝŐŚƚ͕͟<ĞƌƌLJƐŶĞĞƌĞĚƐĂƌĐĂƐƟĐĂůůLJ͘ through  the  surf.  I  would  jog  behind,  making  sure  she  
didn’t  dive  in  over  her  head.
“And  as  assistant  man  of  the  house  in  training,  Cole  
ĚĞƐĞƌǀĞƐĂƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƚŽŽ͕͟ Once,  I  made  the  mistake  of  trying  to  take  Kerry,  then  
3,  and  her  baby  brother  Seamus  in  a  snowstorm  to  
^ĞĂŵƵƐĐŽŶƟŶƵĞĚ͕ƌĞĨĞƌƌŝŶŐƚŽŚŝƐϱͲLJĞĂƌͲŽůĚďƌŽƚŚĞƌ͘ ƐĞĞŵLJƉĂƌĞŶƚƐŝŶ͘͘dŚĞĚŝƌĞĐƚŇŝŐŚƚĨƌŽŵŽƐƚŽŶ
was  canceled,  but  we  were  able  to  get  out  on  a  con-­‐
“What  could  you  possibly  ask?”  Kerry  asked,  now   ŶĞĐƟŽŶƚŚƌŽƵŐŚEĞǁĂƌŬ͘
staring  at  Cole.
Once  there,  all  the  airports  shut  down,  and  for  sev-­‐
“You  know,  Cole  could  ask  the  kid’s  favorite  land   eral  hours  I  chased  Kerry  from  one  terminal  to  the  
animal,”  Seamus  deadpanned.  “I  want  to  know  what   ŶĞdžƚǁŝƚŚ^ĞĂŵƵƐŝŶŵLJĂƌŵƐ͘tŚĞŶǁĞƵůƟŵĂƚĞůLJ
farm  animal  he’d  like  to  have  sex  with.” ŵĂĚĞŝƚƚŽEĂƟŽŶĂůŝƌƉŽƌƚ͕<ĞƌƌLJƌĂŶƐŽĨĂƌĂŚĞĂĚ/
ŵŽŵĞŶƚĂƌŝůLJůŽƐƚƐŝŐŚƚŽĨŚĞƌ͘LJƚŚĞƟŵĞ/ŵĂĚĞŝƚƚŽ
For  my  daughter’s  sake,  I  tried  not  to  laugh.  This  Sat-­‐ baggage  claim,  she  was  standing  proudly  and  holding  
ƵƌĚĂLJĂŌĞƌŶŽŽŶǁĂƐĂďŝŐĚĞĂůŝŶŚĞƌůŝĨĞͶĂŶĚŵŝŶĞ͘ my  mom’s  hand.  She  found  her  way  with  no  help  from  
But  I  had  to  look  away;  Seamus’  humor  hit  that  funny   me.
ďŽŶĞƚŚĂƚŐĞƚƐƟĐŬůĞĚĂƚĞdžĂĐƚůLJƚŚĞǁƌŽŶŐŵŽŵĞŶƚͶ
the  one  that  makes  you  laugh  at  funerals  when  every-­‐ As  Kerry  grew  into  a  teenager,  her  wild  side  found  a  
one  else  is  crying. place  on  the  stage.  I  approached  her  junior-­‐high  and  
ŚŝŐŚͲƐĐŚŽŽůƉĞƌĨŽƌŵĂŶĐĞƐǁŝƚŚŐƌĞĂƚƚƌĞƉŝĚĂƟŽŶ͕ďƵƚ
tŚĂƚďƌŽƵŐŚƚŵĞďĂĐŬǁĂƐƚŚŝŶŬŝŶŐĂďŽƵƚŵLJůŝƩůĞ ƐŽŽŶ/ƌĞĂůŝnjĞĚƚŚĂƚŚĞƌĞ͕ƚŽŽ͕ŚĞƌĨĞĂƌůĞƐƐŶĞƐƐůĞŌ
girl,  of  what  she  was  like  as  a  baby  and  toddler  and   ŵĞǁŝƚŚŶŽƚŚŝŶŐƚŽĨƌĞƚĂďŽƵƚ͘/ŶƉĂĐŬĞĚŚŽƵƐĞĂŌĞƌ
teenager.  How  mighty  the  struggle  had  been  to  get  to   ƉĂĐŬĞĚŚŽƵƐĞƐŚĞƉĞƌĨŽƌŵĞĚƐŽĞīŽƌƚůĞƐƐůLJͶĐůĞĂƌůLJ
this  moment. ĞŶũŽLJŝŶŐŚĞƌƐĞůĨŽŶƐƚĂŐĞͶƚŚĂƚ/ĐŽŶĐůƵĚĞĚ͗ŝĨƐŚĞ
wasn’t  nervous,  then  I  shouldn’t  be  nervous,  either.
County  Kerry  (Ciarraí  in  Gaelic)  in  Ireland  is  known  
ĨŽƌŵŝdžĞĚďůŽŽĚďŽƌŶŽĨ^ƉĂŶŝƐŚŽĐĐƵƉĂƟŽŶ͕ǁŚŝĐŚ tŚĂƚĐŽŶƟŶƵĞĚƚŽƚƌŽƵďůĞŵĞǁĂƐǁŚĂƚ/ŚĞĂƌĚĨƌŽŵ
produced  dark  complexions  and  wild  temperaments.A   Kerry,  and  saw  in  our  culture,  about  how  sexuality  is  
“Kerry  Girl”  is  a  free  spirit.  My  Kerry  may  have  blonde   ĐƵƌƌĞŶƚůLJƉƌĂĐƟĐĞĚĂŵŽŶŐŚŝŐŚͲƐĐŚŽŽůŬŝĚƐ͘

www.GoodMenProject.com
Kerry  and  I  had  many  long  discussions  about  why  only   Despite  her  fearlessness  and  wild  streak,  Kerry  has  
ƚŚƌĞĞŐŝƌůƐŝŶŚĞƌĐůĂƐƐŽĨϭϮϱŚĂĚďŽLJĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ͕ĂŶĚǁŚLJ grown  into  a  graceful  and  composed  young  woman.  
the  rest  had  to  put  up  with  guys  who  only  wanted   Once  again,  she  has  shown  me  that  I  needn’t  be  ner-­‐
͞ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐǁŝƚŚďĞŶĞĮƚƐ͘͟/ǁĂƐĂŶŐĞƌĞĚďLJǁŚĂƚƐŚĞ vous.  I  can  trust  her  to  do  the  right  thing,  even  when  
told  me,  but  I  was  helpless  to  do  anything  about  it.  I   she  knows  I’m  not  looking.
could  only  admire  her  courage  and  strength  in  con-­‐
ƟŶƵŝŶŐƚŽĂƌƟĐƵůĂƚĞǁŚĂƚƐŚĞǁĂŶƚĞĚ͕ĂŶĚĐŚĂůůĞŶŐ-­‐ Elena  and  I  had  dinner  plans,  and  we  kept  them.  But  
ing  the  prevailing  terms  of  engagement  with  boys. under  the  table  I  sent  Kerry  a  text.  “Big  thumbs  up.  
Quite  a  gentleman.  Love,  Dad.”
LJƚŚĞƟŵĞƚŚĞĚŽŽƌďĞůůƌĂŶŐ͕/ƐƚŽƉƉĞĚůĂƵŐŚŝŶŐ͘dŚĞ
ƌƵŶƐŽŶƚŚĞďĞĂĐŚ͕ƚŚĞƐĐĞŶĞĂƚEĂƟŽŶĂůŝƌƉŽƌƚ͕ĞǀĞŶ
a  trip  to  see  Gwen  Stefani  for  her  birthday  circled  
around  in  my  head.  Yes,  Kerry  had  gone  to  the  prom.  
^ŚĞŚĂĚ͕/ĨĞĞůƐƵƌĞ͕ŬŝƐƐĞĚĂďŽLJŽƌƚǁŽ͘/ŚĂĚŽŌĞŶ
ĨŽƵŶĚŚĞƌǀŝĚĞŽͲĐŚĂƫŶŐƵƉĂŵŝdžĞĚŐƌŽƵƉŽĨĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ
on  her  laptop,  while  simultaneously  doing  “home-­‐
work.”

ƵƚƚŚŝƐǁĂƐĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚ͘^ŚĞĚĞƐĐƌŝďĞĚƚŚĞďŽLJŝŶƋƵĞƐ-­‐
ƟŽŶĂƐĂŶĂĐƚŽƌĂŶĚĂŵĞŵďĞƌŽĨƚŚĞǀĂƌƐŝƚLJƌŽǁŝŶŐ
team,  but  refused  to  divulge  any  other  details.
Seamus  and  Cole  had  conveniently  made  their  way  
out  back  to  play  soccer.  Kerry’s  stepmom,  Elena,  her  
ƉƌŽƚĞĐƚŽƌĂŶĚĐŽŶĮĚĂŶƚĞŝŶŵĂƩĞƌƐŽĨƚŚĞŚĞĂƌƚ͕
ǁĞŶƚƚŽƚŚĞĨƌŽŶƚĚŽŽƌĮƌƐƚ͘/ůĂŐŐĞĚďĞŚŝŶĚ͕ŶŽƚƌĞĂůůLJ
sure  what  to  do.  I  wanted  both  Kerry  and  her  date  to  
feel  secure  in  my  approval,  and  I  wanted  Kerry  to  feel  
ůŽǀĞĚͶǁŝƚŚŽƵƚŵĂŬŝŶŐŚĞƌŵŽƌĞŶĞƌǀŽƵƐƚŚĂŶƐŚĞ
already  was.

In  our  front  hallway,  I  saw  a  sweet-­‐looking  17-­‐year-­‐old  

boy  who  had  taken  the  subway  from  Wellesley  to  take  
ŵLJĚĂƵŐŚƚĞƌŽƵƚĨŽƌĂƌŽŵĂŶƟĐĚŝŶŶĞƌ͘,ĞĞdžƚĞŶĚĞĚĂ
ƐŚĂŬLJŚĂŶĚ͕ŶĞƌǀŽƵƐďƵƚĮƌŵ͘,ĞůŽŽŬĞĚĚŽǁŶ͘/ĚŝĚ
too.

I  asked  where  they  were  going  and  when  they  would  

be  home.  He  said  they  were  going  to  a  restaurant  
ŝŶŽƐƚŽŶ͛ƐEŽƌƚŚŶĚ͕ƚŚĂƚƚŚĞLJ͛ĚďĞďĂĐŬďLJϵ͗ϯϬ͘/
was  impressed;  the  kid  seemed  more  responsible  and  
mature  than  I  was  at  his  age.

Then  they  were  gone.

www.GoodMenProject.com
 About  Tom  Matlack
Tom  Matlack  is  just  foolish  enough  to  believe  he  is  
a  decent  man.  He  has  a  16-­‐year-­‐old  daughter  and  
ϭϰͲĂŶĚϱͲLJĞĂƌͲŽůĚƐŽŶƐ͘,ŝƐǁŝĨĞ͕ůĞŶĂ͕ŝƐƚŚĞůŽǀĞ
of  his  life.

www.GoodMenProject.com
Tom  Matlack,  together  with  James  
Houghton  and  Larry  Bean,  published  an  
ĂŶƚŚŽůŽŐLJŽĨƐƚŽƌŝĞƐĂďŽƵƚĚĞĮŶŝŶŐŵŽ-­‐
ŵĞŶƚƐŝŶŵĞŶ͛ƐůŝǀĞƐͶdŚĞ'ŽŽĚDĞŶ
WƌŽũĞĐƚ͗ZĞĂů^ƚŽƌŝĞƐĨƌŽŵƚŚĞ&ƌŽŶƚ>ŝŶĞƐŽĨDŽĚĞƌŶ
DĂŶŚŽŽĚ͘/ƚǁĂƐŚŽǁƚŚĞdŚĞ'ŽŽĚDĞŶWƌŽũĞĐƚĮƌƐƚ
began.  Want  to  buy  the  book?  Click  here.  Want  to  learn  
more?  Here  you  go.

At  The  Good  Men  Project  Magazine,  we  write,  discuss,  

and  invite  commentary  on  a  whole  slew  of  topics  for  
men  and  about  men  in  today’s  world.  Real,  honest,  
complex,  and  thought-­‐provoking.  

www.GoodMenProject.com
www.GoodMenProject.com