Choral Speaking

HOSTEL LIFE Good morning Honourable judges, teachers and fellow friends. Today ! We are proud to bring you to the world of...Hostel Life! Do you know what is a hostel exactly ? Hostel is a welfare home... What ? Welfare home ? No..no..no..no..no.. Hostel is a place for a chosen people like us... You know hostel life seems very amazing. First ! We will meet Jeng...jeng...jeng... F.R.I.E.N.D.S There are many types of people here, such as thin, fat, tall, short, cute, pretty and the most peculiar is...the nerd ! Any nerds here ? If we have a huge problem Our beloved family and parents will try to solve it But...in the hostel we depends on our friends.... Excuse me ! Who will look after all those students in the hostel ? Oo...Our beloved mama and abi Because they are our wardens... We were scared when we first meet them.... Uu...Why scared ? Ish... ish... ish... ish... The wardens are very nice, kind, helpful, polite and responsible person. But ! If we do not obey the rules and diciplines O..o..all hell will break loose ! The duty of the warden is to teach and guide the students anytime and anywhere. Wardens are our foster parents So ! Don't you ever, ever, forever, ever, forever, ever forget to thank them for their guidance. Tik, tok, tik, tok, Kringgggggg.... Wake up ! Wake up ! It's already 5.30 am Today is school day You need to take your bath. Huargh.... Hurry up ! Take turns to shower or go to the loo.. You might be late.. Huargh...We are really sleepy... We want to sleep some more Don't disturb me...please... Hey ! Are you out of mind ? We need to hurry It's 6.00 am...It's time for subuh prayer... If you are late...Watch out... You will get a wack from abi Piap...Ouch... Do you know something ? What ? In the hostel there are many ghost stories....

Hee...hee....heee ( bunyi hantu mengilai ) Everybody in the hostel say Aaaaa....Help ! Help ! Run ! run ! Hey ! Relax...That just our imagination... You know ! One day, We ate Maggie mee... Urm...Yummy...slurrrppp.. Maggie mee fast to cook, good to eat... But...Oh no...The warden caught us red handed... We were unlucky that day... Attention to hostelies ! Today ! There will be gotong - royong starting at 9.00 o'clock sharp ! If you are late...your name will be taken by the prefect... Ee..ish...we hate work... Like it or not...up, up, you go.... Clean the dorm, sweep the floor, clean the windows, hang the cloth... If not the cloth will be thorwn by the prefect onto the badminton court ! Shu...pap...Oh no ! My cloth ! Now...the best part of hostel life is...meal time... Kroak...kroak...kroak.... My tummy is grooring.... What's for lunch today ? Any chicken ? Yes..chicken... Urm....Ice - cream.... Don't forget to put your plates and glasses into the basin.... Saturday...and Sunday.... Times to relax... The most exciting activity is....wacthing television... Hey guys...What are today's movies ? Mohabbatin...aaaaaa....... Kung Fu Hustle...Watcha ! Spongebob Squarepant.... Are you ready kids ? Alright captain.... We can't hear you.... Alrigth captain ! And... wonder pets... What gonner work ? Team work ! What gonner work ? Team work ! Hollywood...Bollywood...Malaywood...Playwood.... Ha ? Playwood ? What types of story ? Hehehe....Just kidding.... Watch together....Laugh together... Hahahaha... Like a big happy family.... Hostel life has it's up and down.... You may realize the significant of this life Once you leave it, you might find that... There is no other life like hostel life.... Till then... Thank you !

(Sound Effects: Jungle Sounds) The fleet of 21 canoes travelled down The muddy waters of the Madeira A prominent tributary of the immortal Amazon 42 unique individuals (that's us!) All set to conquer the force that looms over The mysterious Amazon What lies beyond, we know not As the curtain of mystery slowly unveils... To reveal its awesome splendour We behold with wonder the gigantic trees Majestically guarding their territory Snake-like creepers trailing from their boughs Chattering monkeys protesting the intrusion As our canoes disturbed the calm waters "Fish!" Forty-two eager hands reached out... "Piranha!" And our hands shot back at lightning speed "I'm getting hungry" "I'm frightened" "I'm hungry" "Besides, it's getting dark" "I'm VERY hungry" And so, we decided to camp But that was easier said than done The tents seemed to have minds of their own They just refused to stay up! Our dismal attempts at starting a fire Ended up with Frayed tempers Red faces Burnt hair...AND... No fire. UNGA, UNGA, UNGA What's that? It can't be! But it is! We've been beseiged by a horde of savages! Immediately we turned to our martial arts expert (She got her yellow belt just last week) Unfortunately martial art does not really help When you're surrounded by savages with long spears. The battle has ended (There wasn't even a struggle) Soon forty-two wriggling forms Were slung over the backs of savages Curiosity got the better of us We strained our necks to look at our captors

(Hoping they'd be as handsome as Tarzan) But we didn't like what we saw, Flat-flaring nostrils, Evil-looking eyes Gggrrr.....grinding teeth Waiting impatiently for our juicy, tender, human flesh Then they stopped And we were thrown into a dark and creepy pit What would happen next? Were we doomed to die at such a tender age? Or was rescue at hand? "Girls! Are you listening?" The familiar voice of our Geography teacher Brought us back to reality "Do you have any idea how important this chapter on the Amazon Jungle is for the exam?" "Of course we do! But we think we'd be able to handle this chapter pretty well; ...Don't you? Advice to Parents

The most important thing we've learned, As far as children are concerned, Is never, never, NEVER let Them near your television set Or better still, just don't install The idiotic thing at all. In almost every house we've been, We've watched them gaping at the screen. They loll and slop and lounge about, And stare until their eye pop out. They sit and stare and stare and sit, Until they are hypnotised by it, Until they're absolutely drunk With all that shocking ghastly junk. Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,

They don't climb out the window sill, They never fight or kick or punch, They leave you free to cook the lunch And wash the dishes in the sinkBut, did you ever stop to think To wonder, just exactly what This does to your beloved tot? IT ROTS THE SENSES IN THE HEAD! IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD! IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND! IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND! HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE! HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE! HE CANNOT THINK - HE ONLY SEES! "All right!" you cry. "All right!" you say, "But if we take the set away, What shall we do to entertain Our darling children? Please explain!" We'll answer this by asking you, "What used the darling ones to do? How used they to keep themselves contented Before this monster was invented?" Have you forgotten? Don't you know? We'll say it very loud and slow! THEY...USED...TO...READ! They'd READ and READ, And READ and READ, and then proceed To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks! One half of their lives was reading books! The nursery shelves held books galore! Books cluttered up the nursery floor! And in the bedroom, by the bed, More books were waiting to be read! Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales, Of dragons, gypsies, queens and whales, And treasure isles and distant shores Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars, And pirates wearing purple pants, And sailing ships and elephants, And cannibals crouching round the pot, Stirring away at something hot.

Oh, books, what books they used to know Those children living long ago! So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can install A lovely bookshelf on the wall. And once they start - boy, oh boy! You watch the slowly growing joy That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen, They'll wonder what they'd ever seen, In that ridiculous machine, That nauseating, foul, unclean, Repulsive television screen! And later, each and every kid, Will love you more for what you did.

World of Women Drivers Five Science Three Explores the World of Women Drivers Women drivers can be found everywhere! Everywhere!! Up the curb! In the ditch! Up the tree! In the lake! Tsk...tsk... According to men, Women drivers are atrocious! Not so! Inconsiderate and incompetent! Debatable! But, according to women, Lady motorists are cautious, civic-minded and skilled! "I mean, it's not easy driving up a tree, you know!" After a minor mishap, You can hear the famous last words of an enraged husband: "How can you do such a thing! It's impossible!" "You're just jealous because you can't do it!" Informs his wife coolly

The car, sorry to say, is a total wreck, Its wheels move in a crab-like motion, And the vehicle is transformed From a stately sedan To a sports convertible...without the roof. Ad we approach the age of seventeen, Most of us crave for a driving license. Driving instructors cringe, When they see GIRLS at the driving office, They cling desperately to the handbrakes when the lesson is in progress ---just in case. Our monitor's first driving lesson. "Let me guess, she drove into the drain!" "Don't be so mean. I only hit the traffic lights. That's all!!" Our wisdom bringers in BBGS Comprise of a skilled lot. See Miss Yeap gliding gracefully into the school compound, Screeching to an abrupt halt Missing the palm tree by centimetres. Phew. We have the ideal woman driver, right here in BBGS. Our very own Mrs Cheong, Who swerves right, left, back and front, Barely missing Mrs Thanen's pride and joy Every single morning. Hear the laughter upstairs in 5 Sc 3, And the screams in 5 Sc 2, Whenever Mrs Choe Ling Laboriously manoeuvres her faithful Ford through the school gate. Monday mornings can be hazardous to one's health. For instance, "Mrs Choe Ling, look out for that, BANG, CRASH, CHOKE........tree." Adventurous women on race tracks, Have caused sensations in newspapers. Adventurous women on roads, Have also been a source of headlines. "Lack of trees in the city....fault of women drivers!" Accident rates increse...women drivers on the prowl!" Typical remarks of chauvinistic men. These ignorant ones ind it astounding How women change a tiny Volkswagen Into a power-charged sports car! If we drive slow They sit seething with discontent, muttering imprecations, tinged with annoyance. Yet, think of how uneventful The world would be without us Lovely, innocent, wonderful,

Charming, witty, enchanting, And last but not least....modest women drivers, Who add a little spice to your lives. Looking gorgeous in an expensive Porsche. A delightful sight for sore eyes, Driving with awareness, Every molecule in their body filled with confidence Eeeeeet......BANG! Oh..oh... Courtship through our very own eyes Courtship has played an important role in mankind for many, many years And if 5A3 has it her way it will continue to do so for many, many more years to come Courtship has all the ingredients of a potential bestseller, It has adventure, intrigue, Humour, freshness and not forgetting the most important ingredient of all ROMANCE. Besides, what is a marriage without courtship? Nothing, AB-SO-LUTE-LY nothing. Courtship is the period for memories to be cherished, The days of red roses, And gaily, coloured gifts. Of opening of car doors and candlelight dinners Of posh hotels and smart restaurants .....or perhaps A walk int he thunderstorm in his best suit and her best shoes. A French menu that sounds Greek, exorbitant bills And of getting up late for work the next morning. According to the Oxford dictionary, Courtship is the period during which A person tries to win the affection of another In view of marriage, But, according to 5A3, Courtship is the period for his bank balance to sink drastically And her wardrobe to increase dramatically, In view of a longer engagement. The concept of tall, dark and handsome men and their fair, petite counterparts Is still predominant, Unfortunately, there's a little snag to this, You see, "We aren't fair", "He isn't tall enough"

But as they say Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder So there's hope for us yet. On a more serious note, ladies and gentlemen, Courtship is not just the time for fun and lavish attention It is like a bed of roses A bed of roses with many thorns It is the period when not only the virtues But the faults surface. It is the perfect opportunity for jealousy to rear its ugly head For discontentment to set in, For frayed tempers And for settling differences once and for all. Courtship can bring happiness or....tragedy Let us take the case of modern day Romeo and Juliet Happiness is when Juliet says "Romeo, Romeo Wherefore art thou?" But tragedy when Romeo replies, "I am here, you silly cow!" Let us now deal with the before and after effects of courtship. Before, she'll say "Yes, dear "Anything you say dear" After, she'll say "Do it yourself. I'm going back to mother's!" Before, he'll say "You look lovely tonight" After, "Amazing what a woman looks like without her warpaint" Before, she'll say, "Oh, Thank you for the lovely flowers but you really shouldn't" After, "You don't bring me flowers, anymore" So much for happily-ever-after endings. A slight twist to that famous Shakespeare phrase More or less sums up the situation in general It's just a matter of To court or not to be court To be courted or not to be courted These are the questions And 5A3's aswers are To court and to be courted!

CHINATOWN As dawn breaks over the tenement houses Life begins in the heart of Petaling Street The carts rumble into the market square And the cries of hawkers (Rumble Mumble Hustle Bustle) Ka ma lun pheng koh, yau pheng yau leng, hoong toh-toh, Aunty, aunty, ai beh cai boh... Ham yee ah (2x) Sam Khow yat ma (3x) Mai yat cek soong yat cek, cin-cin, cai-cai, mai toh soong toh, Mingled with those of early shoppers The morning sun rses The shops are ready for business The big bully jaga with his beard neatly curled Grins as a Mercedes pulls up, eek....booom It disgorges an opulent lady Making her weekly pilgrimage to the jewellery store. The Chinese medicine halls display their strange products Guaranteed to cure every ill. The sinseh by the corner picks his teeth as he awaits his firs client The joss stick seller is busy fashioning a paper limousine complete with number plates. While two shops away in the eerie darkness, A coffin lies waiting for the same customers. "You ain't nothing but a hound dog" Hot rock music blares from the cassette players While metal smiths and cobbles, beat in time. Girls in the latest fashion Strut among the hawkers Selling platform shoes and handbags A shout is heard, "Hoi!" A wiry youngster wheels among the cars He disappears into the lane Clutching a gold necklace No one goes after him No one dares, it's wiser not to be involved. Lunch time in Madras Lane For the adventurous gourmets they are Monkey brains, served fresh from the skull With a dash of pepper Or, if you prefer less exotic fare Try: turtle soup, fried lizard tongue, mouth watering eels. The sun has set The market is closed And shops will be shut But wait, more carts rumble in and kerosene lamps are lit

The pasar malam has begun The hawkers advertise their goods in the road now devoid of traffic There is food galore! Char Siew Pau, Chin Toi Chai, See Ham Chow Fun, Loh Mai Kai, Hoong Tau Sah Customers stream in from the nearby cinema Jostling and pushing, oblivious of the pick pockets At midnight the carnival is over Silence and darkness descend once more A naked light bulb swings in one of the windows A dustbin clatter, "Meeoooww..." as the cats begin their nightly haunt An old beggar huddles to sleep on the cold sidewalk All is quiet and still.....until tomorrow.

We Had A Hippopotamus We Had A Hippopotamus We had a hippopotamus, we kept him in a shed. And fed him upon vitamins, and vegetable bread. We made him our companion, On many cheery walks, And had his portrait done, by a celebrity in chalks. His charming eccentricities, were known on every side, The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide, He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles, Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles, If he should be afflicted by deppression or the dumps, By hippopotameasles or the hippopotamumps, We never knew a particle of peace, Till it was plain, He was hippopotamasticating properly again. We had a hippopotamus, we loved him as a friend But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end. Time takes, alas, our joys from us And robs us of our blisses. Our hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus! Our housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye, She did not want a colony of hippopotami, She borrowed a machine gun, From her soldier nephew, Percy, And showed our hippopotamus, no hippopotamercy. Our house now lacks the glamour, that the charming creature gave, The garage where we kept him is as silent as a grave. No longer he displays among the motor tyres and spanners,

His hippopotamastery of hippopotamanners. No longer now he gambols, in the orchards in the spring. No longer do we lead him through the village on a string. No longer in the mornings does the neighbourhood rejoice To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice. We had a hippopotamus, but nothing upon earth Is constant in its happiness, or lasting in its mirth, No joy that life can give us, Can be strong enough to smother Our sorrow for that might have been a hippopotamother. Sounds of London Town

The London day begins with The first trains, The first trams, The first workers, traders and newspapers, The first birds in Trafalgar Square, The last lights, the last lurkers; The sleepy heads get out of beds, And off to work they go; Then, the rustle hustle bustle starts, Racing taxis, noisy carts, Rustle hustle bustle, rustle hustle bustle, Rushing here, rushing there Running here and everywhere People shopping, people looking People eating, drinking, laughing, And we go by Underground. Down we go, down the escalator, down, Down, down, down. Follow the red light, follow the blue light, This way! No, I'm sure it's that way. We thunder through the hollow tunnel of the tube. Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter, Clipper clapper, clipper clapper, clipper clapper, Hello-o, hello-o Keep right, keep left Pass along the platform More room at the front of the train. Ch-ch-ch, ch-ch-ch, ch-ch-ch, ch-ch-ch, PSHSH...CHUNG! Knightsbridge, Hyde Park Corner, Picadilly Circus, We're on our way, we'll soon be there. We're on our way, we'll soon be there.

We're on our way, we'll soon be there. PSHSHSH Apples, apples, lovely ripe apples. Paper, paper, read all about it. Choc-ices, choc-ices, lovely choc-ices. Honk, honk! Peep, peep! Let's have a cup of tea, cup of tea, cup of tea. Let's have a cup of tea, cup of tea, cup of tea. Let's have a cup of tea, cup of tea, cup of tea. The mingled chitter chatter over plates of bread and butter And the clink of cups of tea. Gossip, scandal, news and views, Dresses, cousins, friends and shoes, And my latest operation. Waiter! Yessir. Waiter! Coming. Waiter! Yessir. Waiter! Coming. Waiter! Waiter! Waiter! COMING. Clink! Tinkle! Rattle! Chucke! Travel in the morning or the early afternoon. Please avoid the rush hour, if you can. Rush hour...rush hour! From shops and desks the people come, Pressing, pushing on and on. We've got to get home. We've got to get home! Away from London's crowded streets, Back to suburbs, country seats. We must get away! On the train, slam the door, On the racks, on the floor, Crammed like fish in an oily tin Can't read the paper because of the din Pushing and swaying, swaying and pushing, Away, away, away, Away from the smoky city they go.

The Complexities of Choral Speaking

Oh help... That particular time of the year Has inevitably arrived It's Choral Speaking time again. Choral Speaking? A certain aura of panic surrounds

The usually stable BBGSians The very word Sends chills down our spines. Librarians in the city Are naturally mystified Over the sudden popularity Of their poetry books As we comb and rummage Through them in our zeal.

After days and days Of searching, reading and rejecting poems, We come to the conclusion That no one has yet to produce A poem striking enough To suit our sophisticated tastes. Having no alternatives, We turn to our class' budding writers And beg, cajole and even threaten them To produce a top notch poem In exactly 24 hours, No matter how empty or void They claim their heads to be. Having secured our Tennysons and Kiplings, We now struggle to choose a prize winning topic. "What shall we speak on this year?" "Nothing" "I know, our PTA toilet project!"

"Uh-ah" "World War Three?" "How about banning Choral Speaking forever!" Finally, After many hours of brain wracking And hair tearing sessions, Our self-proclaimed geniuses Complete their royal assignment But, the heartache is far from over As up crops a totally new problem How exactly do we pronounce All these lip twising Tongue rolling And mind boggling words? Everyone has their own version Of how the poem should be recited "...this way...." "...no, that way..." Insults are thrown Egos are bashed Reducing our poor Choral Speakers Into nothing but "Quarrel" speakers Amidst the catastrophe A star is born - our conductor. See her face twist See her hands fly here and there. She calms our frayed nerves And reassures us that We do not sound as terrible

As everyone says we do. Yet, it is she who tortures us With countless hours of practice Turning our lovely, harmonious voices Into miserable, pathetic croaks. After what seems to be An eternity of voice projection, We are forced to go on stage. Behind the shaking knees, Cold fingers and chattering teeth, One comforting thought Remains in our hearts For we know that If we never pull through to the semifinals, The 38 of us overworked, underpraised Angels in Bata shoes Need never, ever go through The complexities of Choral Speaking again.

The Pleasures of Being Fat Most of us weary mortals know What a nuisance, a trial, a torture In fact, what an absolute bore it is to be fat Oh, you may try to fool others And others may succeed in fooling you By saying you are Buxom, cuddly, generously-proportioned. But deep inside You know you can't fool yourself. So, face it And brace it You're just plain FAT.

Be fat, it's fashionable, Don't you know that dieting is the in-thing today? Jogging, weight-watching, calorie-counting, sessions at Joanne Drew Now how can you have the fun of moaning over the problems you have losing weight Unless you are fat? Fat people the world over have problems For some, it is the embarrasment of having to buy XL undies Or hearing an impudent urchin chant "Fatty Fatty Bom Bom" But whatever it is, take heart You are not alone in this So whenever a barb draws blood Rise above your pain Show them you are bigger than they And when you have developed a DYNAMIC, attractive personality You can smile to yourself when they say "You are worth your weight in gold" Because... YOU ARE!