CR James Reports

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CR James Reports
Issue#029(August8,2011)

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I've a hopefully a quick question... I'm pretty sure sometime real soon (in the next week or two) she is going to break down and have sex. And part of the problem I think is she just jumps into it - like she will call on the way home from a happy hour and ask if I want to come over and tuck her in. Sounds great - except we don't wind up having mind blowing sex - I don't get the warm and fuzzy when we are done and she doesn't get cuddly like it happens when sex is really good (and used to when we first went out - to the point she is 45 and I'm the only man including her ex husband who has given her an orgasm with intercourse). Now she seems to just lay there and I'm left trying to "seduce" her. Then she gets to a point where she just wants to jump into it. Kinda hard to tease when she isn't... invested... So I've got a bunch of your material and I'm trying to make my way through it. Can you point me specifically to some place that might help get her extremely ready when the time comes? I've had friends say I should just not do anything (accept the invitation) until she realizes she wants more (i.e. relationship)... seems counter productive to me... then again sometime this stuff doesn't always make sense. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Your issue could be more situational than anything else...b/c she's setting the rules during a time when there's not enough tension to be built... Although I tend to categorize it as a type of 'sexual tension method', technically, it's a totally different strategy than "Real" tension building... It's similar to a woman obsessing over some sort of problem while you're having sex with her...The reality is some women are better than managing their thoughts than others... (In those situations, the strategy is more about getting her focuses and less about actual sexual tension building.) If we look at it in terms of what type of "tactics" could solve this sort of problem... There's a few that I could think of... Option 1. Don't accept sex on those terms....the rejection alone will build tension...and you'll also increase your SV (elevating you to someone with standards and making her play by your rules) Option 2. Take the Reverse-Compliment approach. This is where you compliment on her on something that she isn't doing vs complaining that she doesn't do it. In this case, you would actually compliment her on her sex skills...even though deep down inside you want to say "could you kinda be more alive the next time we do it"... Copyright. All Rights Reserved. http://TheGoldCobra.com

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Instead say something to the effect of: Did I ever tell you how much I love your style of love-making? It's like I can feel your energy. How do you do that? Something like that... OR... "Can you do me a favor? Can you ride me like you did that one time... it was early on when we were first doing it... I never told you this but it was amazing." She's probably going say something like she doesn't remember...which gives you the opportunity to keep complimenting her and so on...keeping the conversation alive (along with the message...) Of course the real purpose is to motivate her for the future -- specifically to get her to visualize herself being sexy and passionate with you... As a bonus you ended introducing (or resurfacing) the concept of 'bad sex' and 'good sex' ....and for someone it's enough to get them to think about what they should avoid doing... So having a conversation like that is an easy way to affect her beliefs/feelings about 'having sex with you'... Much of making a woman crave sex with you the right way involves affecting her beliefs/feelings about: You Herself Male/Female Interactions Sex -CR

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CR, I really appreciate that you put in the effort to take care of you customers. I was just going through old emails gathering as much information as I could to try and figure out the best approach for my current situation. I had already started rereading the older version and some of the reports. If you are curious, the situation I'm trying to fix deals with a girl I went out with for a couple months last year and then the sizzle stopped for her. We continued as friends and then a few months later as FWB's after I think she got frustrated with the dating scene and kept coming back to me for attention and sex (she says and I know to be true that she has many sex options, but she prefers me when it comes to that and hasn't been with anyone since the FWB started). We have been going like this since Feb but now the FWB part is fading and I'm sure I know why; my attitude changed as I started to want more attention/affection/seriousness (and found out about guys she was kinda interested in - yes I'm aware of the psychology she accidently used on me -pulling away and jealousy). And so for a couple weeks I started acting all needy and clingy.... I'm purging that my letting her initiate most contact and keeping phone conversations short with absolutely no "relationship" type talk. Fun is the name of the game here. The reports about turning a friend into a girlfriend don't exactly fit because I need her to push the envelop. She already knows what I want, so it really doesn't benefit me to "pursue her". Now I need to pull away, increase my SV by creating my own life and dating. The other part of this is increasing ST, which is why I believe she pulled away in the first place. I haven't quite learned how to escalate the intensity for her (or women I guess) as the relationship goes on. I'm sure I'm going to have a lot of opportunity for platonic interaction as she really doesn't like to be by herself and she really enjoys my company (just not that way - which I think is really means I've lost my SV and I've pushed to much for sex in the past). She was very relieved and seemed to let her guard down a bit when I told her I wasn't going to make any sexual moves on her (so she doesn't have to feel bad turning me down). So what I really struggle with is knowing if I should accept invitations to hang out or not... future moves on my part need to not be date related. I suppose, trying to answer my own question I should accept some of them and be too busy for others. I do think if this does work, make up sex will probably be incredible since it will take a bit for her to feel enough pressure to make the move on me. She could also hesitate because she doesn't want me to "want more" but there's not much I can do about that except make her desperate for the attention. I working on moving on anyway because that is needed whether this works out or not. Thanks again,

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CR James Reports Not a problem...

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As far as whether you should accept her invitation, your dealing with two opposing strategies that could be equally effective depending on the specifics of your situations..particularly the woman you're dealing with... Because she enjoys sex with you, I think you should opt for hanging out... There's always a risk of her getting comfortable with perceiving you as just a friend (non-sexual option) but that can always be countered w/ effective tactics... which is the reason why I think it's the better option.... Because it's a lot easier to build value when you're around her... The effectiveness of the "staying-away-approach" is exaggerated. It only works if you have a certain amount of SV and/or she's addicted to your presence in a way that she doesn't realize... Pretend that two guys are in similar situations...both having SV = 5....both decided to take the "staying-away-approach"....for like 2-3 months....when one guy re-enters her life, he now has an SV of 8...without saying a word.... while the other guy has an SV of 2 without saying word... Basically, the SV increase is a result of what she thinks about him while not in contact with her...in his absence she thinks about his impact....how he made her feel ...the connection .....and his REAL SV is more noticeable... The mistake that guys make when they take the "staying-away-approach" approach is they often mis-evaluate their sexual value....(the guys giggles and as he creates fantasy images of her missing him and being sad.... in reality she's giggling at the club dancing with a drink in her hand....flirting with the bartender) The guy overestimated his value and she becomes more alive and more comfortable with the idea of 'staying apart'. Result = A rapid decrease in SV. So the "staying-away-approach" is somewhat of a gamble for most guys..... So I would recommend accepting her invitation....As far as phase 1, start out with basics like getting an idea of what she likes...getting a clear picture of the 'real reason' why you're a partial option (is it low sv? and/or is she looking for something else?)... Have a game plan....it's a must.... if you're going to be hanging out as "friends" the last thing (the worst thing) that could happen is for her to suspect that you're ok with being a "back burner" guy.... Being a "back burner" friend and a "on the same level" friend is two different things.

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If you're a "back burner" friend (which means she thinks she can have you whenever she wants) then you need to rapidly become a "on the same level" friend.... A "back burner" friend will just sit and wait (sometimes for years) for her to give him an opportunity....he's like a puppy dog... he's just hoping and waiting that she let's him in at some point... As you realize, it's a very weak (low sv) position... rather, be the guy who is starting to see things in a new way...much fun...who has either just met an amazing woman (online, offline, at work, etc) or is on a quest for a specific woman...or at a very minimum on a quest for a specific type... If you make that known, it's one of the best ways to go from "back burner friend" to "on the same level" friend... You'll know when you're doing it right, because she'll start to flirt (guaranteed)...either as a test that she still has power over you and/or to acknowledge an SV increase... She won't be able to help herself (guaranteed)... With that type of structure you should be able to easily increase your sv.... Your SV is kind of like a balloon.. once it's been blown the first time, it's a lot easier to blow it back up the second time...(in other words, she already knows how to perceive as someone she wants to have sex with) -CR

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[New]TheGoldCobra
A New Way To Make Her Thirst For Sex http://TheGoldCobra.com (Pre-release Discount is about to expire)

Afewcomments....
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CR. I have to say this was one of your best reports to date. The concepts were clear and simple and to the point. As with all of your reports I am incredibly excited for the improvement in my life that they bring. Thank You
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COBRA came exactly at the right time!

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Hey CR, I am doing extremely well thank's. I recently got married to my long term fiancee, and have to say thing's are 1000 time's better than two years ago when I first started to read your writing's, You have really nailed it with your last report (COBRA) just the insight from your HFile's has helped me understand a few thing's better, and we have had some good sessions as a result.
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