A Model of Relationships

All meaningful relationships fall into one of two categories: Work Relationship or Friendship/Love Relationship. In order for either kind of relationship to be optimally functional ("good"), the following realities must be known and honored: 1. All "good" relationships are primarily one kind or the other; they cannot be 50% Work and 50% Friendship/Loveship. (For example, the relationship must be clearly identifiable to all parties as to which kind it is, primarily. If the boundaries begin to dim, there will be problems.) 2. All "good" relationships have elements of the other kind. That is, they are not totally one or the other. (For instance, if a relationship is primarily a work relationship, for it to really be a "good" relationship, there must be certain elements of a friendship present. And vice versa. If a relationship is primarily a friendship/loveship, for it to really be a "good" relationship, there must be certain elements of a work relationship present.) 3. All members of a relationship define the relationship as the same kind. (That is, if one member of the relationship thinks the relationship is primarily a love relationship and the other thinks it's primarily a work relationship, there will be problems.) 4. The same people can have both kinds of relationships, even within the same time frame, but at different times during the time frame, and the transition from one kind to the other must be crossed over simultaneously by both parties. (For example, a husband and wife who are in a primarily love relationship can work in a business together, so long as when they move into business dealings they each shift into a primarily work relationship for the duration of their business dealings. Then when they are finished with the business, they each shift back into a primarily love relationship at approximately the same time. This is not easy to do for many.

Behaviors Appropriate in Work Relationships

Distinguished From

Behaviors Appropriate in Friendship/Loveship

Differences exist between behaviors appropriate for each kind. Following are some of the major differences:

Work Relationship Behaviors 1. Goal dominated 2. The more perfect, the better 3. Entry into and position are earned

Love/Friendship Behaviors 1. Process dominated 2. Mistakes are not only tolerated, they may even be endearing 3. Entry into and position are gifted

4. Hierarchical 4. Equal 5. Practice to improve. 5. Spontaneous improvement