2006-02-02

February 2, 2006
COLLEGE STUDENTS ACROSS THE

COUNTRY RELY ON STIMULANTS
LIKE CONCERTA AND ADDERALL
TO INCREASE FOCUS AND STAVE
OFF SLEEP.
BEATING BREAKOUTS
your guide to clear skin
7
HIGH ON HERBS
(legal) altering of the mind
9
POPPING PILLS
using ADD uppers to study
10
WONDer DruGS
Jayplay
JAYPLAYERS
Boy, doIknowthepain
ofdealingwithacne. Marion
Hixonunderstandsmypain
(andImsuresomeofyoudo
too)andsheisthefrsttotackle
Jayplaysnewdepartment:
Health. Looktothisdepartment
todeliverthelowdownonall
health/beauty-relatedissues
thatcurrentlyplagueourfne
campus.
Onpage10, KelsieSmith
takesalookintoanother
plague: theAdderallepidemic.
Shelltellyouwhytakingyour,
ahem,unfocused roommates
pillsmaynotbeahotidea.
Foranalternativepillfx,
readaboutMalindaOsbornes
experiencewithherbal
supplements. Sheriskedher
healthtobringusthedetails
oftheeffectsofherbsonher
brain.
MelissaByrdalsotookone
fortheteambyforgoingher
usualdietofpepperonipizza
andtryingoutthenewfood
pyramid. IfonlyIhadself-
control...
Screwit. Itstheweekend.
LindseyRamsey
AnarticleinlastweeksJayplay
needsclarifcation. Comments
aboutJomanaQaddours
appearanceandattirewere
portrayedincorrectly, and
shouldnothaveappearedin
thepaper. ItwasnotQaddours
intent, northatofJayplay, to
makeitseemlikeQaddour
wasputtingherselfondisplay.
Jayplayregretsandapologizes
forthefactthatthearticlecast
Qaddourinthatlight.
EDITORS
NOTE
EDITOR THESTAR
NatalieJohnson
ASSOCIATEEDITOR THERAMDOG
LindseyRamsey
CLERK GETSAROUNDTOWN
AndrewCampbell
DESIGNERS MAKEITPRETTY
BeckaCremer
JackyCarter
PHOTOGRAPHER TELLMEWHATYOUNEED
KitLeffer
COPYEDITOR MAKESITRIGHT
LindseyGold
TaraSchupner
BITE ALWAYSHASTHEMUNCHIES
MelissaByrd
CarrieHillard
ErinWisdom
OUT HITSTHETOWN
DavidHeller
CharissaYoung
NOTICE TAKESNOTEOFIT
LizNartowicz
MalindaOsborne
CONTACT HELPSYOURLOVELIFE
StephanieGraves
KristenMaxwell
RachelZupek
HEALTH KEEPSTHEDOCTORAWAY
MarionHixon
JasonShaad
CREATIVECONSULTANT KNOWSALOT
CarolHolstead
WRITETOUS
jayplay06@gmail.com
JAYPLAY
TheUniversityDailyKansan
111Stauffer-FlintHall
1435JayhawkBlvd.
Lawrence, KS66045
10
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Wonder Drugs
the skinny on Rx abuse
OUT
Keene on the scene
REVIEWS
we tell you what we think
SPEAK
hair woes
19
16
15
BITE
putting MyPyramid to the test
HEALTH
skin care 101
7
5
CALENDAR
whats going on
3
NOTICE
herbs
HAWK TOPICS
too hot to handle
13
8
02

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
VOLUME 3, ISSUE 17
C
a
l
e n d
a
r
THURSDAY 2.02
FRIDAY 2.03
Anchondo, The Noise, Settle
for Something. The Bottleneck,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$7, www.
bottlenecklive.com
Beau Jest. Lawrence
Community Theater, 7:30 p.m.,
all ages, $15-$18, (785) 843-7469
Celebrating a Grand Gift:
The Hallmark Photographic
Collection. Nelson-Atkins
Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.,
all ages, FREE, www.nelson-
atkins.org*
Decelerate. Kemper Museum
of Art, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.kemperart.org*
Explore Evolution. Natural
History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5
p.m., all ages, FREE, http://nhm.
ku.edu
Hot Lunch DJ Dance Night.
Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $3-
$5, www.thejackpotsaloon.com
Industrial Design Student
Exhibition. KU Art and Design
Gallery, 8:30 a.m. - 9 p.m., all
ages, FREE, (785) 864-4401
INXS, Marty Casey & The
Lovehammers. Midland
Theater, 8 p.m., all ages, $35.50-
$67.50, (816) 471-8600*
Ken Loverns Organ Jazz
Trio. Jazzhaus, 21+, $4, www.
jazzhaus.com
KU Opera presents Falstaff.
Robert Baustian Theatre,
Murphy Hall, 7:30 p.m., all ages,
$7 to $15, (785) 864-4401
Lawrence Art Guild All
Members Show. Lawrence
Arts Center, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., all
ages, FREE, (785) 843-2787
Neon. Granada, 10 p.m., 18+, $5,
www.thegranada.com
The Sacred and the Secular:
Buddhist Imagery in Religious
and Popular Contexts. Spencer
all ages, FREE, www.spencerart.
ku.edu
The Short Tree and the Bird
That Could Not Sing. The
University Theatre, 1 p.m., all
ages, $5 to $10, www.kutheatre.
com
SATURDAY 2.04
Beau Jest. Lawrence
Community Theatre, 8 p.m., $15-
$18, (785) 843-7469
Clyde Tombaugh Centennial
Celebration. Kansas Union,
8 p.m., FREE, www.ku.edu/
~calendar

Decelerate. Kemper Museum of
Contemporary Art, 10 a.m. to 9
p.m., FREE, www.kemperart.org
DJ Jalapeno. Abe & Jakes, 9
p.m., 18+, $5, www.abejakes.
com
Embodiment. Spencer
Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 5
p.m., FREE, www.spencerart.
ku.edu
En Fuego Film Festival.
Lawrence Arts Center, 6:30 p.m.,
www.lawrenceartscenter.com
Falstaff. Robert Baustian
Theatre, Murphy Hall, 7:30 p.m.,
$7 students, $15 adults, www.
ku.edu/~calendar
Girls Gone Wild Backstage
Pass Tour with Hinder. The
Beaumont Club, 7 p.m., 18+,
$12.50, www.kcclubs.com*
Luke Bettis Band. The
Bottleneck, 10 p.m., 18+, $4-$6,
www.lukebettisband.com
Majestic Rhythm Revue.
Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+, $4, www.
jazzhaus.com
Right Between The Ears.
Liberty Hall, 5 p.m. and 8 p.m.,
$12-$16, www.libertyhall.net
The Sacred & the Secular:
& Popular Contexts. Spencer
FREE, www.spencerart.ku.edu
That Could Not Sing. William
Inge Memorial Theatre, 10 a.m.,
$5-$10, www.kutheatre.com
Soft Serve/Sad Fingers.
Replay, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.
replaylounge.com
Souper Bowl Saturday.
Lawrence Arts Center, 11 a.m.,
$10, www.lawrenceartscenter.
com
The Veronicas. Uptown
Theater, 8 p.m., 21+, $9.33, www.
uptowntheater.com*
Apollo Night Auditions.
Alderson Auditorium, Kansas
Union Level 4, 3 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.suaevents.com
Back Porch Blues Band. Uncle
Bos T-Town Bar, 8 p.m., 21+, $3,
www.unclebos.com*
Beau Jest. Lawrence
Community Theatre. 8 p.m.,
all ages, $18.25 Student, $19. 31
adult, www.theatre.lawrence.
com
Del Castillo. Grand Emporium,
9 p.m., 21+, $10, www.kcclubs.
com*
First Fridays. Hawks Nest,
Kansas Union Level 1, 7 p.m., all
ages, FREE, www.suaevents.com
Import Ants. Slow Ride
Roadhouse, 9 p.m., 21+, FREE,
(785) 749-2727
Kirk Rundstrom Band, Virginia
Coalition. The Bottleneck,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$7 www.
bottlenecklive.com
Photography by Shakura
and Hobart Jackson. Gallery
and South Entrance of the
Lawrence Public Library, 9 a.m
to 6 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
lawrence.lib.ks.us
Resume Review Day. Burge
Union 110, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., all
ages, FREE, www.ucc.ku.edu
The Sacred and the
Secular: Buddhist Imagery
in Religious and Popular
Contexts. Spencer Museum of
Art, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.ku.edu/~sma
Schemata, Censura, Moniker.
Boobie Trap Bar, 8 p.m., all ages,
$5-$6, www.boobietrapbar.
com*
Seoul Train. Woodruff
Auditorium, Kansas Union, 7
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.ceas.
ku.edu
She Wants Revenge. The
Record Bar, 8 p.m., 21+, $8, www.
therecordbar.com*
SideWise, Insignifca,
Pierpoint, One Degree
Difference. Granada, 9 p.m., all
ages, $5, www.thegranada.com
Versus The Mirror, My
American Heart, Portugal
The Man and Vena Amori. El
Torreon Ballroom, 7 p.m., all
ages, $8, www.eltorreon.com*
Winterfest- Redline
Chemistry, Ares to the Ninth,
Restraint, Sutter Cane,
Seventh Day. The Beaumont
Club, 9 p.m., 18+, $7-$10, www.
kcclubs.com
Wobbly H. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m.,
21+, $4, www.jazzhaus.com
Comedy City Chaos Theatre
300 Charlotte, Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 842-2744
Everetts Restaurant
9100 West 135th St., Overland
Park
(913) 681-3288
The Hurricane
4048 Broadway, Kansas City,
Mo.
(816) 753-0884
Kemper Arena
1800 Genessee, Kansas
City, Mo.
(816) 513-4000
Mikes Tavern
5424 Troost Ave., Kansas City,
Mo.
(816) 444-3399
Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art
4525 Oak St., Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 561-4000
Uncle Bos T-Town Bar
420 S.E. Sixth St., Topeka
(785) 234-5400
VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs
Casino
777 Casino Center Dr.,
Hazelwood, Mo.
(314) 770-8100
YahWeh Cappuccino House
9500 Wornall Rd., Kansas City,
Mo.
(816) 761-9044
WHERE
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 03
Thursday, February 2
nd
Friday, February 3
rd

Saturday, February 4
th
Sunday, February 5
Monday, February 6
Tuesday, February 7Wednesday, February 8
The Down Trunks The Down Trunks Richard Buckner
JV All Stars A Day in Attica
Goodbye Blue Monday
*
TUESDAY 2.7
The Down Trunks, Christian
Collin & Molasses, Mikes
Tavern, 8 p.m., 21+, $5, www.
mikestavernkc.com*
Emerald Triangle, Replay
Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.
replaylounge.com
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.nhm.
ku. edu
Graduate Student Exhibition.
Art and Design Gallery, 8:30
a.m. to 4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE,
www. ku. edu/~sf a
Paintings and Drawings by
Ivan Fortushniak. Lawrence
Arts Center, 7 to 9 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.lawrenceartscenter.
com
Presidential Lecture Series
2006: Carol Moseley-Braun,
2004 presidential contender,
U.S. Ambassador and U.S.
Senator. Dole Institute of
Politics, 8 p.m., FREE, www.
doleinstitute.org
That Could Not Sing. Murphy
Hall William Inge Memorial
Theatre, 9:45 a.m., all ages, $5-
$10, www.kutheatre.com
04

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
WEDNESDAY 2.8
The Atomic Blues, Granada,
6:30 p.m., 18+, $3, www.
thegranada.com
The Ben Pera Jazz
Conglomerate. Harbour Lights,
10 p.m., 21+, $2, (785) 841-1960
Embodiment. Spencer
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
spencerar t . ku. edu
The Extraordinaires!, Replay
Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.
replaylounge.com
www. ku. edu/~sf a
The Honorary Title, The
Bottleneck, 8 p.m., 18+, $10,
www.bottlenecklive.com
FREE, (785) 843-2787
Richard Buckner, Daveys
Uptown Ramblers Club, 8 p.m.,
21+, $10, www.daveysuptown.
com*
Sass, Grand Emporium, 8 p.m.,
21+, FREE, www.kcclubs.com/
grandemp.cfm*
Theatre, 9:45 a.m., all ages, $5-
Slideshow at the Kemper
Museum. Kemper Museum,
5:30 to 7:30 p.m., FREE, www.
spencerart.ku.edu
MONDAY 2.6
A Day in Attica, JV Allstars,
Haven21, V-Card Vengeance,
Bottleneck, 7 p.m., 18+, $5,
www.bottlenecklive.com
Embodiment. Spencer
ku. edu
Film: Formula 17. Kansas
Union, Woodruff Auditorium, 7
p.m., FREE, www.ceas.ku.edu
www. ku. edu/~sf a
Hoods, El Torreon Ballroom, 7
p.m., 18+, $10, www.eltorreon.
com*
Theatre, 9:45 a.m., $5-$10, www.
kutheatre.com
Two Cultures: Collection.
Natural History Museum, 9 a.m.
to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
nhm. ku. edu
SUNDAY 2.5
Beau Jest. Lawrence
Community Theatre, 2:30
p.m., all ages, $15-$17, www.
community.lawrence.com/
CommunityTheatre
Embodiment. Spencer
ku. edu
GCDC. Harbour Lights, 10 p.m.,
21+, $2, (785) 841-1960
Art and Design Gallery, 8:30 to
4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
ku. edu/~sf a
ILYA, Daling at Sea and
Goodbye Blue Monday.
Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $4
-$6, www.thejackpotsaloon.com
FREE, www.lawrenceartscenter.
com
The Sacred & the Secular:
& Popular Contexts. Spencer
all ages, FREE, www.spencerart.
ku.edu, closes Feb. 5
Theatre, 10 a.m., all ages, $5 to
Embodiment
That Could Not Sing
SUBSONIC SCOOTERS
:PVS)PNFUPXO4DPPUFS4PVSDF
High Gas Prices Slowing You Down:"
NEW SCOOTERS FROM $1099.00
624 N. 2nd
749-0200
www.subsonicscooters.com
In 2005, the U.S. Department
of Agriculture created MyPyr-
amid, a personalized approach
to healthy eating and exercise
habits.
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 05
BITe
KIT LEFFLER
In a smackdown between MyPyramid and pepperoni pizza, who will win?
Two kinds of people exist in this
world: those who eat to live and
those who live to eat. If youre like me,
chowing down for the sake of mere
survival doesnt really cross your
mind when devouring a pepperoni
pizza with extra cheese. And you
know what? Statistics show most
Americans share my mindset about
food and that we are paying for it
with extra pounds and, ultimately,
our health.
According to the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention, an estimated
65 percent of people over the age
of 20 in this country are overweight.
Thirty percent are obese. Pepperoni
pizza with extra cheese is waging its
war on us, and winning most battles.
But do we want it to lose?
Lets face it. Food is good. And so-
called bad food is even better. But
food is not the problem. We are. The
words too much of a good thing
dont register. In response to the
unbalanced American diet, the U.S.
Department of Agriculture revamped
its old Food Guide Pyramid in April
2005. The result was MyPyramid,
our new and improved road map to
healthy eating. MyPyramid boasts a
more personalized and user-friendly
approach to eating healthy and
staying physically active.
But how easy is it, really, to follow
MyPyramid guidelines? In a world
where time is short, cooking takes
too long and fast food is everywhere,
planning healthy meals and making
time for exercise can seem impossible.
And, even if we do take time to eat
what we should and exercise, will the
time and effort be worth it? I heard
from people who start to eat right,
exercise and lose weight that they
hardly miss their old, deviant ways; I
decided to fnd out if its true.
For three days, I followed
MyPyramid guidelines for my age, sex
and physical activity level. I decided
to eat out at least one meal a day,
like most college students do, to
deal with making wise choices while
dining out.
To prepare for these uncharted
waters I was wading in to, I visited
the on-campus, registered dietician,
Ann Chapman. Chapman provides
nutritional counseling at the Wellness
Center for $7 to $10 a session. She
armed me with all the material I
needed to transform my habits.
She offered a list of health-friendly
restaurants and best bets for what to
choose while eating various types of
cuisine.
Chapman entered my information
into www.mypyramid.gov and out
popped my personalized guidelines
for healthy eating. As a 24-year-old
female who exercises 30 minutes
or less every day, I should eat no
more than 2000 calories to maintain
my current weight. Of those 2000
calories, I must consume six ounces
of grains, two-and-a-half cups of
vegetables, two cups of fruits, three
cups of milk and fve-and-a-half
ounces of meat and beans.
So how did I do? According to
MyPyramid tracker, a handy online tool
that allows you to record what you eat
and then analyzes how closely you
meet your recommended guidelines, I
fell short on one to three food groups
each day. Paranoia kept me from
eating too much, but, really, I didnt
end up eating enough. The beauty of
MyPyramid is you can eat a lot; you just
need to eat the right things.
Sure, following MyPyramid
guidelines takes a little effort. Rome
wasnt built in a day, and neither
was the perfect diet. But after only
three days, I did feel a little spring
in my step and the world seemed a
little brighter. Okay, not really but
I did have more energy than usual.
Im even sticking with my new diet.
MyPyramid: 1, Pepperoni pizza: 0.
Day One
I woke up too late to make breakfast, so
I grabbed a yogurt and apple on my way
out the door. For lunch, I made a tuna salad
sandwich with low-fat mayo on whole
wheat bread and grouped it with tomato
soup and grapes. Later, I had dinner at Free
State with friends. I ordered the gumbo and
a side salad. I felt healthier already.
Day TWO
To make up for my small breakfast
yesterday, I chose eggs, wheat toast,
grapefruit and orange juice. Rather than
eating lunch, I grazed all afternoon on
hummus and pita bread, fruit and cheese.
Dinner was at Panera Bread Co., one of
Chapmans favorites for healthy eating,
where I ordered the vegetable soup and
the bistro steak salad.
Day THRee
For breakfast, I went the yogurt-and-
apple route once again. This time I added
granola. Lunch was El Mezcal. Mexican food
is tricky, so I ordered a bean burrito and
chicken taco sans cheese and sour cream.
For dinner, I grilled a chicken breast and
matched it with broccoli, a whole-wheat
roll and baked potato. For a snack, I noshed
on an orange and some grapes.
FOOD DIaRy
by Melissa Byrd
Food fght
The nexT Time you crawl ouT of bed bleary-eyed and
sTumble inTo The shower, Turn The waTer TemperaTure
below your usual sTeam-baTh level.
tip
Inadditiontojoltingyououtofyourearly-morningtrance, coolerwaterwillhelp
maintainyourskin.
Usewarmwaterinsteadofhot, saysSharonCaruthers, presidentoftheLawrence
BeautyAcademy.Hotwateropensyourporesandstripsthenaturaloilsfromyourskin,
whichleadstodryness.
Sources: Sharon Caruthers, president of the Lawrence Beauty Academy; 785-843-2535
JasonShaad
Accordingtoasurveyconductedlastyearbyresearchers
fromtheUniversityofSouthFlorida,74.7percentofmen
shavethehairontheirgroin.Ofthe118collegemen
surveyed,26.7percentsaidtheyusedscissorstotrimtheir
tidbits.Thatmayexplainwhythesamepercentageof
mencomplainedofcutstotheirskin.Notetoself:Using
sharpmetalobjectsincloseproximitytoballsmayresultin
freakishcuts.
Sources: Study: Male body depilation: Prevalence and associated features of body hair removal. From
the May 2005 edition of the psychology journal SEX ROLES.
JasonShaad
06

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
DiDyOUkNOw
CoffeegrowersinIndonesiahaveinventedawaytomakecoffeefromanimalfeces. Asmall
marsupialknownasaparadoxurus, (commonname: luwak), onlyeatstheripestofcoffeecher-
ries. Duringdigestion, aluwaksstomachenzymesaddadistinctivefavortothebeansthats
maintainedevenaftertheyleavetheluwakssystem. Theenterprisingcoffeegrowersgatherthese
passedbeanstoformtheworldsmostexpensivecoffeeKopiLuwak. Asacollegestudent, this
coffeemaybealittleoutofyourpricerangeat$300perpound.
Source: www.foodreference.com.
CarrieHillard
MIND YOUR
Foodtoohottoeat?Bepatient.properetiquettedictatesthat
youwaitForFoodtocoolratherthanBlowingonit.inthe
caseoFsoup,BegineatingFromthesideoFtheBowl.thisisthe
portionthatwillcoolFastest,soyouwonthavetowaitas
long.
Source: www.dinesite.com
ErinWisdom
MANNERS
liTTle-known food facT
BiTE
ten-o-five massachusetts lwrnc 66044
talk to us @
785.856.WCHO
the SK8SHOP
on MASS street
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dogtown
sector 9
surf one
dregs
Tues - Sat 11 to 7
Sunday 12 to 5
Mon - 3 to 7
www.whitechocolate.net
recycle & save 10% every time!
Breaking away from
How to fght that hideous acne
Myth: Dabbing toothpaste on a zit will dry it out and clear up your skin overnight.
Truth: Toothpaste isnt necessarily healthy for the skin and will have no quicker effect than
medications.
Myth: You should pop your pimple using your fngers or fngernails.
Truth: Oils and bacteria in your fngernails could cause further infection and increase the
chance of scarring your skin. Only resort to popping a pimple if it has come to a head on your
skin (and some never will). If you must pop, do it after a hot shower with tissue wrapped around
your fnger. Squeeze the blemish back and forth.
Myth: Ice cubes will shrink pores.
Truth: The only way to do this is through purging the skin of all oils and toxins. Then following
a proper skin care regimen.
Myth: Makeup will clog your pores.
Truth: You shouldnt go to sleep without washing off makeup, but pores will remain open
despite a layer of makeup on the skin.
Sources: Lindsey Pollock and the offce of Dr. Lee Bittenbender, M.D.
Skin myTHS BUSTeD!
Dont do it. Even if you have a date
tomorrow, dont pop that fresh pimple
youre sporting. Dr. Lee Bittenbender, of
the Dermatology Center of Lawrence,
discourages popping pimples no matter
how great the temptation. He says a pimple
can be treated in about three days.
But most students dont have three
days to wait for their skin to clear up.
Take care of your skin before that pesky
acne crops up. Heres your guide:
Proper skin care at
home:
Lindsey Pollock, an
esthetician (or skin care
specialist) at Images
Salon & Day Spa, says
everyone needs to use
a cleanser, toner and
moisturizer every day.
She says that if you are
dealing with recurring
acne, using a treatment
gel will help.Products like
Neutrogena Rapid Clear
Acne Eliminating Gel can
be found at drugstores
for $5 to $10. Be selective
about what you choose
to treat your skin with,
because some stronger products can lead
to infamed skin.
People often over wash their skin
using astringents, toners and other
potentially harsh solutions that can lead
to irritation and even worsening of acne,
says Dr. Richard G. Fried, author of Healing
Adult Acne: Your Guide to Clear Skin and
Self-Confdence.
A Natural solution
Though it hasnt been proven, tea tree
oil is rumored to help acne. The anti-
bacterial oil originates from New South
Wales, Australia, and can be found in
soaps and deodorants. Bridget Trybom, a
facialist at Lada Salon, says dabbing tea
tree oil on a blemish can lessen redness
and swelling and helps prevent scarring
from acne. However, professionals still
tend to disagree about the use of natural
medicines. Tea tree oil products are
available at The Body Shop for $5-$12.
Facials + Dermatologist:
Look for over-the-counter treatments
that contain benzoyl peroxide, glycolic
acid or salicylic acid. Benzoyl peroxide is
the main ingredient in Proactiv, the mail-
order skin care regimen promoted by
celebrities Jessica Simpson and Alicia Keys.
Professionals such as Pollock, Fried and
Bittenbender have all heard Proactiv has
been successful for some patients.Proactiv
is available through www.proactiv.com. If
over-the-counter treatments dont work,
progress to a prescription medication or
other procedures that will help alleviate
acne. Both Bittenbender and Fried agree
that prescribed topical solutions like
Differin, Retin-A and Tazorac will help
clear skin. Some dermatologists prescribe
antibiotics, which get to the root of the
problem by fghting bacteria.
Pollock advises regular trips to a salon
for properly-applied
facials, a thorough home
regimen and trips to the
dermatologist to battle
acne effectively.
Accutane
B i t t e n b e n d e r
advises the use of
Accutane to remedy
serious acne that hasnt
responded to other
treatment. Accutane is a
pill acne treatment that
decreases the amount of
oil produced by the skin.
However, Accutane can
result in birth defects
so severe that, starting
March 1, female patients
must take precautions. These precautions
include multiple pregnancy tests before,
during and after the treatment and a
strong encouragement to use two forms
of contraception. There also is an ongoing
discussion in the scientifc community
that links Accutane to clinical depression.
Patients can experience side effects
like chapped lips, achy joints, elevated
blood pressure and dry skin and eyes.
Bittenbender says he recommends it
more to men than women because of the
risk of birth defects.
Birth control
It doesnt work for everyone, but
hormone-based birth control can
improve some womens skin. Fried says
some birth control pills decrease levels
of testosterone and, therefore, the hair
follicles that cause acne are less active.
There are several causes of acne and
according to Bittenbender and Pollock,
the leading cause is genetics,. While
many think acne appears because of
alcohol intake or a diet heavy in grease,
Bittenbender disagrees. Theres no good
evidence to support that diet plays a role,
he says. As far as Im concerned you can
eat what you want.
So go ahead and drink all night. Then
eat a pizza. Just be sure to wash your face
before you go to bed.
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 07
KIT LEFFLER
Acne-fighting
to do list
Drink lots of water,
Especially after drinking
and eating junk food.
Wash your face before
going to bed.
Use face wash, toner and
moisturizer.
Shower immediately after
working out.
Lower stress levels with
time-management and
rejuvenating activities like
exercise and suffcient rest.
Dont pick at your skin.
A look At the reAlity behind skin cAre myths.
BreakoUTS
by Marion Hixon
HeaLTH
W
Kool-Aid. Gatorade.
Girl 1: No one told
me my hair looked
like this.
Girl 2: Ugh, look at
me!
Girl 1: I look like I just
had sex nine times.
Girl 1: I kind of want
a cigarette.
Girl 2: I thought you
quit smoking?
Girl 1: I did.
Girl 2: So, shouldnt
you not have a
cigarette?
Girl 1: I only quit
during the day.
Girl: Whered you get
that sandwich?
Boy: Oh, I have
sandwiches stashed
all around here.
Girl: Ooooh.
Girl 1: Wait, you fart
in front of Dave?
You and Dave are on
farting terms?
Girl 2: Im pretty
much on farting
terms with everyone.
Carolyn Tharp
Which -ade is
the sexiest: Kool-
aid, Gatorade,
PoWerade?
What is the
dirtiest-soundinG
clean Word you
KnoW?
What is the best
comPliment you
ever received?
What is your
Worst breaK-uP
story?
Who is your
Personal hero
and Why?
Crap. Does that count? Jerk.
My father. We work in the
same business. I took over for
him as he did for my
grandfather. I guess he always
wanted me to be as successful
as him.
My father because he took
over his fathers job even
when he didnt want to. Hes
also generous.
Well, since I married my high
school sweetheart I guess I
dont have any.
I broke up with my ex-
boyfriend but realized the
next day I was still in love
with him. But he had a new
girlfriend. I was so shocked. I
lost 12 pounds over it.
Probably my son thanking me
for being a good father. That
was the most heart-warming.
My boyfriend told me I was
pure.
Asuka Fujishita,
junior, business
5 ?
Mike Amyx,
former mayor and
current vice mayor
WESCOE WIT
Liz Nartowicz
Photo courtesy city oF
LAwrence web site.
08

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
Weekend
ROAD TRIP
3Shows ,3Nights
Win passes to meet Dierks Bentley! Win CDs and Tour Shirts!
Buy tickets at the
Bramlage Coliseum
ticket office, all
Ticketmaster
locations, charge by
phone at 800-221-2287
or online at
www.k-statesports.com
Buy tickets at St.
Joseph Civic Arena,
record wear house,
any Ticketmaster
locations, charge by
phone at 800-821-5052
or online at
www.ticketmaster.com
Buy tickets at the
Shrine Mosque
ticket office, or any
Metro-tix locations.
Charge by phone at
800-293-5949 or
online at
www.metrotix.com
shooter jennings
TICKETS
ONSALE
NOW
!
Ofalltheuniversaldesiresout
there, few are stronger than the
urgetoalteronesconsciousness.
Travel to any country and you
are sure to fnd some locally-
derived substance that whacks
you out of your gourd. Inspired
by this worldwide showing of
hedonism, Idecidedtopushpast
ourtritealcoholandcaffeine, not
gosofarastofailadrugtest, but
try something new. The answer:
herbal supplements. Former
hippies love this stuff and we
know they have a history with
mind-altering substances. My
missionwasclear: Iwasgoingto
triponherbs.
In an attempt to make sure
I wouldnt cause irreparable
harm to my body during this
admittedlyhalf-bakedendeavor,
IspokewithDr. FarhangR. Khosh,
a naturopathic doctor and
founderofNaturalMedicalCare
in Lawrence. His offce eschews
typical pharmaceutical fnds in
favor of botanical medicine and
homeopathicremedies.
He said besides familiarizing
yourself with the substances
intended effect and possible
side effects, the most important
thing to look for when taking
herbsisthemainingredientand
howmanymilligramsareineach
dosage. Hesaidherbsareusually
most effective when you take
theleastamountrecommended
onthebottle.
Obviously herbs are not as
potentasprescriptivemedicines.
Homeopathicmedicinesaresold
as an extreme dilution of the
originalherb, Khoshsaid.While
itsverypossible, itsalsorareyou
can overdose on homeopathy,
except I dont know why you
wouldtrytotakemorethanthe
directionsindicate.
Whatever.
First up was Bach Rescue
Remedy, a stress-relief
serum that would work as a
relaxant without hangover or
embarrassing stories the day
after. The products Web site,
www.bachcentre.com, says it is
benefcial for when you fnd
yourself in traumatic situations,
such as stress, emergencies,
after getting bad news, before
an exam or job interview and
all other kind of situations
wherewesuddenlylosebalance
mentally. It was interesting to
note, however, that27percentof
theremedyisbrandy.
I took eight liquid drops
under my tongue, double the
recommended dosage, and was
stillacutelyawareofimpending
responsibilities. Itriedtheserum
on four separate occasions
in a similar fashion and still
nothing. It turned out to
be nothing more than a foral-
favoredcocktail.
I then opted for a more
well-known herb, St. Johns
wort. The fower is touted
as a natural remedy for mild
depression, anxiety and sleep
disorders. No one understands
exactly how it works or even if
it does work, although studies
have suggested the active
ingredient, hypercin, works like
conventional antidepressants
that involve inhibition of
serotonin and dopamine
reuptake. Thebottlesaidtotake
one to three capsules a day. I
took six daily for a week. Khosh
said it takes fourteen days to
seemaximumresults. Idisagree.
After a few days I noticed that I
wasdrinkingandeatingslightly
less, whicharefavoritepastimes
when Im not feeling so hot. On
day fve, the wort really started
to kick in when I was driving
down Massachusetts Street.
Suddenly I felt euphoric and
found myself giggling for no
reason. Everything seemed a
lot clearer too, and I started
listening intently to the song
playing in my car. It was like a
verybriefmushroomtrip, except
withoutbeingabletofeelcolors.
After that I would continue
to have positive mood bursts,
unfortunately not as intense,
untilIhadtostopontheseventh
day to make way for the other
drugs.
Ah, sweetkavakava. Iwasthe
mostexcitedaboutthisbecause
of the purported effects it has,
which include mildly talkative
and euphoric behavior, a sense
of calm and well-being and
relaxed muscles. It has long
been used as a part of religious
and everyday life in Polynesia
and there is much evidence
to support its effectiveness.
However, it has been linked to
liverdamagewithexcessiveuse
over time. The recommended
dailyintakeisnomorethan250
mg. I opted to take 10 capsules,
750mg, inthefrstsitting.
AfterffteenminutesIstarted
tofeelmorerelaxed. Incidentally,
I did this while watching the
KU vs. Missouri game. When I
would normally be pounding a)
my sixth beer or b) my fsts on
the couch when Moody missed
the free throws, instead, I was
sitting there, kind of feeling a
little numb. Then for a while I
felt deliriously content before
I became really tired. I found
similar results when I tried it for
a second time. Unfortunately,
Khosh said if you were to take
kava kava regularly, youd have
to abstain from alcohol so as to
keeptheliverintact. Iguessyou
canthaveitbothways.
While I wouldnt recommend
dismantlingthebeerpongtable
orputtingthewaterbongaway
forgood, Ialsowouldntdiscount
herbalsupplementsjustyet.
NOTICE
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 09
What Am I Taking Again?
BachRescueRemedy
IPaidHowMuchForThis?
$10.99for10ml
WhatMakesItWork?
Thatfowerstuff
WhereDoIGetTheHookUp?
GNC
St. JohnsWort
$7.99for300mg
WhatMakesItWork?
Hypercin
GNC
kavakava
$9.16for250mg
WhatMakesItWork?
Kavalactone
www.vitaminshoppe.com(notavailable
locally)
FOOD DIARY
on herbs
by Malinda Osborne
(Supplements, that is)
Gettin crazy
SAY WHAT?
GREG GRIESENAUER
Sarahsmouthwasdry. She was
constantly thirsty. The Concerta
she took did its job. She fnished
herpaperhoursago. Now, she just
hadtokeep busy.
She cleaned her
roomandorganized
the books on her
shelf by color and
by size. She lay in
bed writing letters
she would never
send to friends she
hadnt talked to in
years. She had a lot
to say, but no one
was awake to listen.
Things would
be like this
methodical,
obsessive until
the stimulant wore
off.
The thing is, Sarahdoesnthave
attention defcit hyperactivity
disorder, orADHD. Shesneverhad
a prescription. But her freshman-
yearroommate did.
I took it pretty much before
every single test, the Leawood
sophomore says. Any time I
needed to concentrate and get
something done. Im a really big
procrastinator, soitwasreallyeasy
whenItookitbecause Icouldjust
knocksomething outinanhour.
Sarahs freshman-year habits
are notuncommon. Today, college
students across the country rely
on stimulants like Concerta and
Adderall to increase focus and
stave off sleep.
Twenty percent of college
students have used Adderall or
Ritalin without
a prescription, a
2002 University
of Wisconsin
study said. In a
2004 study, the
Partnership for a
Drug-Free America
found that one in
10 teenagers had
taken stimulants
(Ritalin and/or
Adderall)withouta
prescription.
Sarahs use
of Concerta has
not resulted in
any serious side
effects, but, if
abused, prescription stimulants
can cause hallucinations and
psychotic behavior. And as
students report increasingly lax
ADHD testing standards, doctors
like StephenHinshaw, chairmanof
the psychologydepartmentatthe
University of California-Berkeley,
worrythatthistrendisgetting out
of hand.
Adderall, Concerta and
Ritalin, oh my
Stimulantmedicationsare most
often prescribed to treat ADHD.
Common ADHD medications
include Adderall, Concerta, Ritalin,
Strattera and Dexedrine. Adderall,
however, is the most commonly
prescribed ADHD medication on
the market. More than 40 million
Adderall prescriptions have been
writtensince 1996.
But as the popularity of
stimulants rises on college
campusesacrossthecountry,some
psychologists such as Hinshaw,
who specializes in childhood and
adolescentADHD, saythe dangers
increase aswell.
I think its a huge issue,
Hinshaw says. At colleges where
students know that [stimulants]
canbeperformanceenhancersand
thatthere are brief assessments[to
acquire a prescription], and many
people with ADHD dont like
to take the medication everyday,
then there becomes a market for
it.
Shire Pharmaceuticals, maker
of Adderall, maintainsthatstudies
show the drug, which comes in
two forms, Adderall and a time-
releasedversioncalledAdderallXR,
issafe anddoesnothave addictive
capabilities. Adderallisthoughtto
work by restoring the balance
of certain neurotransmitters, or
chemicals in the brain that send
messagesbetweenthe nerve cells
and affect how we function, says
Shire PharmaceuticalsAdderallXR
Web site, www.aderallXR.com.
The site goes on to say that
scientists believe two of those
neurotransmitters, dopamine and
Cramming students turn to study-inducing stimulants
by Kelsie Smith
A 2002 University of Wisconsin
study found that 20 percent of
college students had taken Ad-
derall or Ritalin without a pre-
scription.
10 JAYPLAY 02.02.2006 02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 11
CONTINUED ONPAGE 12
KITLEFFLER
KITLEFFLER
norepinephrine, playanimportant
role in focusing and paying
attention to tasks, and that when
those two transmitters are not
balanced, ADHD symptoms result.
Adderall XR, like other stimulant
medications, is thought to restore
that balance and promote more
normal message transmission,
thusincreasing the abilitytofocus
andpayattention.
Hinshaw says Adderall is safe
when used properly and that
anyone ADHD affected or not
will experience a performance
boost when taking a stimulant.
However, it is a Schedule 2 drug,
which means it is approved for
medical use but also has the
highestpotentialforabuse.
Whynotputstimulantsinthe
water supply?
Everyone does
a little better,
Hinshaw says.
[You cant]
b e c a u s e
stimulants can
be drugs of
abuse. When
theyre used
to treat ADHD,
they help focus
a t t e n t i o n ,
they decrease
di st r act i bi l i t y
and there is
not much of a
euphoriaorarush. Butif youstart
togetintoapatternof higheruse,
or particularly if you take them in
other forms, such as snorting or
injecting, then they can become
drugsof abuse.
Even when taken with a
prescription, Adderall, like most
stimulants, has side effects, like
those Sarah experienced when
she took Concerta. The most
common side effects are dry
mouth, diffculty falling asleep,
stomachache, headache, loss of
appetite andweightloss.
In February, Health Canada
(Canadas FDA equivalent)
banned the sale of Adderall
XR after learning from Shire
Pharmaceuticals that the
medication had been linked to
20 deaths worldwide. In August,
however, Canada put Adderall XR
(the country still
does not sell
Adderall in its
original form)
back on the
market with a
new label that
warns people
with heart
problems about
the dangers
of taking the
medication.
B e c a u s e
Adderall is an
amphetamine, the
FDA warns those
taking the drug that it has a high
potential for abuse. And if overused
or used improperly, Adderall can
poseserious healthrisks, says Dr. Mark
Romereim, founder of the Attention
ClinicinWichita.
If yougetmore thanyouneed,
you are more likely to have side
effects. Stimulants
will help anybody
c o n c e n t r a t e ,
Romereim says.
But if you get
more than you
need, you not only
have problems
with appetite and
sleep, you can get
depressed, irritable,
manic and even
psychotic.
So what is
more than you
need? A June
2005 FDA document says that
while individual responses
to amphetamines vary, toxic
symptomscanoccur,thoughrarely,
at doses as low as two milligrams.
The report says toxic symptoms
are rare with doses of fewer than
15 milligrams, andthatdosesof 30
milligrams or more can produce
severe reactions.
In December, New River
Pharmaceuticals fled a new drug
application for an abuse-resistant
stimulant. The stimulant works
throughtechnologythatprevents
the drugs active ingredient from
being released unless taken as
directed and also limits the high
patients can get from a stimulant
medication.
Getting a Fix
Butuntilthatdrug isapproved,
Romereim and Hinshaw agree
that the biggest
issue is how easy
it can be to get
diagnosed with
ADHD and, along
with the diagnosis,
get a prescription
for a stimulant
m e d i c a t i o n .
Hinshaw says
he knows some
doctors give
people ashorttest,
sometimes as brief
as 15 minutes, and
that downsizing
thediagnosiscausesfalsepositives
andfalse negatives.
Both doctors agree an ADHD
testneedstohave diagnosticand
personal evaluations, where the
patients history is examined and
soughtfromothers,suchasparents,
whohave anunderstanding of the
childs long-term patterns. At UC-
Berkeley, Hinshaw says, the ADHD
testiseightto10 hourslong.
At the University of Kansas, the
Counseling and Psychological
Services Center does ADHD
testing. CAPS clinician Dr. John
Wade says the tests require three
to fve sessions (one 50-minute
session per week) with a CAPS
If you get more
[Adderall] than
you need, you can
get depressed,
irritable, manic and
even psychotic.
Mark Romereim,
founder of Wichitas
Attention Clinic
Side effeCtS of
AdderAll
Lossof appetite
Weightloss
Insomnia
Headache
Dizziness
Nervousness
Irritability
Drymouth
Nausea
Feelings of suspicion
andparanoia
Source: www.add-
adhd-help-center.com
PreSCriPtioN
AMPHetAMiNeS
Adderall
Benzedrine
Bephetamine
Dexedrine
Obetrol
Durophet
Source: San Diego
Reference Laboratory,
http://sdrl.com
clinician. But before meeting with a
clinician, the patient must return a packet
of information to CAPS that includes a self-
report, a survey with someone who currently
knows the person well and information about
the patients formative years provided by
the parents. CAPS also requires elementary,
middle and high school transcripts. The rest of
the process includes a personality assessment
test and clinical evaluations.
At Watkins Health Center students who
want to get an old stimulant prescription
renewed, or who bring in a diagnosis and
want a new prescription entirely, must provide
proof of a full evaluation, Dr. Myra Strother
says.
If I see a student who comes in with just
a prescription from a family doctor, I will not
give them medication, Strother says.
For those students looking for a study
stimulant who dont want to go through
the process of getting a prescription, there
is always another way, as in Sarahs case. Her
roommate, who was diagnosed with ADHD
and had prescriptions for Ritalin and Adderall
was generous with her medication and rarely
took all of her prescribed amount (Which
Hinshaw says is quite normal for ADHD
patients).
She would give me handfuls, Sarah
remembers.
Amber, Overland Park sophomore, took
Adderall she got from friends occasionally
her frst semester at the University as well. But
before the start of her second semester, she was
tested for and diagnosed with ADHD. According
to her prescription, Amber is supposed to take
one 30-milligram pill every morning and one
20-milligram pill every afternoon. Because the
severity of ADHD varies from person to person,
each ADHD patients prescription is different.
Amber says she doesnt usually take her
prescribed dosage and never uses her entire
prescription in one month. She usually gives
about 10 pills to friends every month, and
sometimes sells them as well. Selling, though,
is a rarity. Amber says $5 is the most shes ever
made on one pill, and shes only made about
$30 altogether since she started flling her
prescription.
To Amber, giving away medication is simply
a way of helping out her friends. To the federal
government, however, its a felony. Because
Adderall is an amphetamine, it is in the same
regulatory category as cocaine and selling
it is a class B felony, the same as distributing
methamphetamine.In April 2005,a University of
Oregon student was arrested for selling legally
obtained Adderall and dextroamphetamine
sulfate out of his dorm room.
A Prescription Drug World
Sarahs frst experience with stimulants was
in eighth grade, when a friend with ADHD
who didnt like to take all her medication gave
Sarah Adderall to get rid of
the extra pills in her bottle.
After that, Sarah continued
to take Adderall occasionally
throughout high school. Once
she got to the University and
realized her roommate had
excess Concerta, Sarah would
occasionally ask for some pills.
Throughout her frst year at
the University, Sarah would
sometimes take Concerta
as often as every other day,
sometimes as infrequently as
every other week.
Sarahs habits are part of a
growing trend of prescription
drug abuse nationwide. In 2003, the National
Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse
reported that 15.1 million Americans abused
prescription drugs, up from 7.8 million in 1992.
The three-year study also found that from 1992
to 2003, prescription drug abuse grew two
times faster than the rate of marijuana abuse,
fve times faster than cocaine abuse and 60
times faster than heroin abuse.
The Center also performed a search for Web
sites where a person can buy prescription
medication without actually having a
prescription. In a one-week window the study
found 495 sites advertising prescription drug
sales. Only six percent of the sites required a
prescription to purchase medication, meaning
anyone with a credit card and a mailing address
has access to drugs like Adderall, Concerta,
OxyContin and Xanax, among others.
Ive had people come and tell me that
before they came to see me they got Ritalin
online from Pakistan and Valium online from
Mexico, Romereim says. People dont even
think its dangerous. I think its very foolish. I
think it is an ignorance issue.

The Adderall Advantage
But why go to all this
trouble in the frst place?
Does it really improve your
grades that much? Sarah
says in certain subjects, such
as math, stimulants made
a difference. In others, she
couldnt really tell. Out of 28
students surveyed informally
in a math class, 13 said they
have used a prescription
stimulant without a
prescription, 11 said they had
not and fve said they used it
with a prescription.
Of the 13 who had taken a stimulant without
a prescription, eight said they thought it helped
them get better grades and fve said it didnt
make a difference.
Amber says at least 30, maybe more, of her
friends use Adderall. She agrees with Sarah that
taking it with or without a prescription is only
dangerous if you take too much. Amber says
she once took 60-milligrams to study for a big
test and the dosage caused her to throw up.
She says she has seen the same effect in others
who have taken too much.
Sarah says that when she took Concerta she
often wouldnt sleep for 48 hours or eat for a
day and a half. But Sarah says the negative side
effects were worth the hours of concentration
one Concerta pill could provide.
Amber says stimulants defnitely helped her
her GPA went from 2.38 her frst semester
before being diagnosed with ADHD to 2.88
after she began taking Adderall to help her
focus.
For Amber, the use is clearly justifed. But
are those who dont really need stimulants,
like Sarah, and take them just to get ahead
cheating?
According to a nationwide survey of about
11,000 college students published in the
January 2005 issue of the journal Addiction,
colleges with higher admission standards have
the highest rate of prescription drug abuse
up to 25 percent.
Its cheating in the same way that when
I was in college, kids took speed, or its like
taking caffeine to stay alert, Romereim says.
Its illegal and dangerous, but its not on the
level of plagiarism.
Ultimately, students like Sarah will keep
the stimulant trend alive. She doesnt have a
problem taking them, and hasnt taken them
this year simply because they arent as readily
available to her now. She doesnt think there is
any real danger in using stimulants as a study
aide, an opinion Romereim does not share.
The goal for treating people with ADHD is
not to make them superhuman, its meant to
make them normal, he says. For people who
dont have ADHD, (the drugs are) being used
very improperly.
12

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11
HOW AMPHETAMINES WORK
When you are stressed or threatened,
your body reacts with the fght-or-fight
response: physical changes that prime
your body for an emergency situation.
Amphetamines artifcially produce the
fght-or-fight response. Glands release
adrenalin and other stress hormones
into your bloodstream. Your heart rate
and blood pressure increase. Blood fow
is directed from your abdomen to your
muscles.
Source: betterhealth.vic.gov
Te goal for
treating people
with ADHD is
not to make them
super-human,
its to make them
normal.
Mark Romereim
The brain of a person diagnosed with ADD
shows considerably more activity when Ad-
derall is taken than when it is not. These im-
ages were taken while the person was doing
an activity that required concentration.
BRAIN SPeCT IMAGING, INC. ANDWWW.TV.kU.eDU
8
6
4
Kappa Sigma retainS
itS charter, deSpite
allegationS of
underage drinKing and
inappropriate behavior
taKing place in the houSe.
The fraternity promises to restrict
future underage drinking and
inappropriate behavior to
Bull-Hawk-Wheel!
HAWK TOPICS
RAINE AND RUIGH REVIEW
NEWS YOU CAN USE
1
PreSIdenT BuSH delIverS THIS
yeArS Alf lAndOn leCTure AT
KAnSAS STATe.
2
freShman
guard
micah
downS
leaveS the
Ku menS
baSKetball
team.
Like Alex Galindo
before him, Downs
said roommate Russell
Robinsons constant
barrage of wet willies,
noogies and charley
horses led to his transfer.
3
Though
Bush was
disappointed
to learn it
wasnt that
ALF.
5
GOVERNmENtAl AGENCIES
EmplOY WARRANtlESS
WIREtApS, SUbpOENA
GOOGlES SEARCH RECORDS
AND mONItOR fACEbOOk.COm
tO kEEp tAbS ON AmERICAN
CItIzENS AND StUDENtS.
Staring at numbers for hours on end
hasnt been this fun since trying to fgure
out how you overdrew your checking
account.
InTellIgenT deSIgn
PrOPOnenT delIverS
leCTure AT THe lIed
CenTer lAST MOndAy.
Biology 101 students in attendance
pleased to discover all scientifc
questions can be answered with a sigh
and a simple,Because God says so.
7
hamaS
dominateS
legiSlative
electionS in
the paleStinian
authority.
Hours later, however,
voters were shocked to
discover they had elected
known terrorists, not a
delicious dip that goes
well with pita.
9
loS angeleS laKerS guard
Kobe bryant ScoreS 81
pointS againSt the toronto
raptorS, a Single-game
total Second only to wilt
chamberlainS legendary
100-point game.
Much to his disappointment,
Bryant also lags behind
Wilt in his number of sexual
conquests; vows to do
whatever it takes to make up
the difference.
CANADIAN VOtERS
ElECt StEpHEN
HARpER tHE
COUNtRYS NEW
pRImE mINIStER.
(Shrug.)
10
Chris Raine and Dave Ruigh
tHE DAIlY pUzzlE SUDOkU RISES IN
pOpUlARItY.
Remember when 1984 was
considered a work of fction, not
an accurate portrayal of life in the
modern American dystopia? Ah,
those were the days.
Actor
chris
Penn
dies.
Moviegoers
expressed shock,
despair after
realizing it wasnt
Sean Penn.
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 13
nOTICe
Brian Bratichak
BITCH
+
moan
Jessica: I dont see what there is to be
confused about. Shes horny and using your
cuddling as foreplay. Once the porns over,
shes been romanced by your cuddling and
sexed up by the porn enough to make for
one sweet fantasy. Too bad youre not a part
of the end result. Shes using you, Nate. Find
someone else to watch porn with, someone
wholl be more interested in you than her
own hand.
Brian: She just wants to have power over you,
Nate. She knows that she can turn you on
really quick, then kick you out and you can
do nothing about it. So heres all you need to
do: Put in a porno again, and this time, about
two minutes into it, take your pants off and
just start going at it with yourself. Dont stop
for anything until you are fully satisfed. Then
clean up using one of her hand towels and
leave before she can object. Thatll teach her
to treat you like her own personal bitch.
This girl shows inTeresT in me one momenT, sTarTs To cuddle wiTh me,
lies in bed wiTh me, Then The nexT minuTe she Turns off The swiTch and
leaves me confused as hell. we waTch a porno TogeTher and Then
she kicks me ouT so she can go masTurbaTe. wTf? should i jusT go for
iT and geT kicked in The balls, or conTinue geTTing Teased like none
oTher? naTe, freshman
Brian: The more the
merrier! Why dont you
start out with three, then
add a new girl every week.
Every once in a while
bring in a guy to keep
the girls satisfed. You
could try to get into the
Guinness Book of World
Records. If that fails, you
would surely live for all
time in KU lore. Women
will be all over you and
guys will want to be you.
Youll be like James Bond,
only with fewer gadgets.
Jessica: For your sake,
please dont listen to
the slut above. Have
some decency and treat
your ex and her friends
with respect. Yeah, they
may love to make out
with each other for
money at parties, but
the truth is, they want to
be respected. Really. So
dont ask for threesomes
or foursomes unless
youve got a fat wad of
cash, unlimited Jell-O
shots and a video camera
that wont make their
asses look fat.
If my ex hooked me
up wIth both of
her best frIends,
do you thInk I
should ask her
If we could have
a threesome, or
maybe even a
foursome? marc,
sophomore
Jessica: I want a bad boy. You
want a bad boy? I want a boy so
bad he wears a mask! A villain!
My favorite comedian, Dane
Cook, talks about women loving
bad boys. Its actually a load of
crap. Women who want bad
boys are really only wanting
them for the image they
portray: Rugged. Handsome.
Exciting. Rebellious. James
Dean. In reality, women want
to be treated well and most
girls in relationships are with
nice guys. You may only think
theyre assholes because the
only time they talk about their
boyfriend is when hes being
an asshole. The truth is, most
girls dont date assholes. They
date nice guys, and nice guys
can occasionally just act like
assholes just like all girls can
act like bitches. If you think the
problem is how nice you are,
think again. Maybe they dont
want to date you because your
breath smells like tuna or they
think you have ulterior motives.
I recommend sticking to being
the nice guy that you are and
waiting for another nice girl with
the same problemTuna breath.
Brian: You and I have
something in common, Alan:
we both get screwed over by
women. All you ever hear about
as a guy is how women want
the nice guy (see above rant)
and how they want him to do
sweet things, etc. Its a load of
crap. No matter what you do,
women will always bitch about
not getting enough. If you buy
them fowers once a week,
they want it twice. You go see
a chick fick every few movies;
they want it every time. You
have sex with her once while
youre dressed up as a clown;
she wants Bozo every night.
Basically, when you try to do
something to set you apart from
every other guy, it automatically
becomes expected. So heres
my real advice: Do the exact
opposite of everything you ever
thought you should do for a
girl. Go on a date with her and
forget your money, pick her up
an hour late, call an ex in the
middle of dinner, then at the
end of the night, just assume
youre going back to her place
to get it on. If she doesnt like it,
then youre in the same place as
you were being a nice guy. If she
likes it, youre golden. And dont
forget to repeat my double-
meaning motto all night:Screw
women!
I dont understand. Im the nIcest guy to every
person I meet, but Im startIng to belIeve that
nIce guys really do fInIsh last. does the asshole
always have to get the gIrl? should I be the
asshole and fInIsh strong, or should I keep
beIng the nIce guy and fInIsh wIth whatever Is
last? alan, sophomore
Jessica Crowder
Please send your
questions to
bitch@kansan.com
14

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
by Charissa Young
Music inspires
artists performance
and assembly-like
production
CRITICISM: People try to read too much into my
art. Accept what it is a different way to think. Its
product-like. I make it like I was making hamburgers
or worked in a bakery. Its done at that moment, fresh
for your purchase.
IPODS: Im a big fan of radio. Ill get an iPod one
day, but Im leery of only listening to my own music
choices. I like the spontaneity of radio.
TODAYS MUSIC: I know a lot of critics dont like
them, but I really like the Darknesss new album. Its
funny because its a spoof of the era of music I used to
be forced to listen to as a kid.
STEVE KEENE ON...
Like a maestro feverishly
waving his baton to direct the
music, Steve Keene orchestrates
his own art with a quick
paintbrush and gallons upon
gallons of Utrecht house paint.
Keene, a 48-year-old painter
from New York, is living in
Lawrence as an artist-in-
residence at the University,
painting live Monday through
Friday in the Kansas Union art
gallery until February 14.
Images of the 70s rock
band Blondie appear in thickly
brush-stroked paintings in
Keenes portfolio. Interwoven
throughout his collection
is album art he created for
cult-favorite band Pavement,
underlining a strong infuence in
Keenes work: music. His vibrant,
exuberant paintings, like music,
travel to the farthest corners of
the globe from the Moore
College of Art in Philadelphia to
the Museum Ludwig in Cologne,
Germany.
While attending Yale
University to study printmaking,
Keene worked as a radio DJ
and met guitarist and singer
Steven Malkmus of Pavement.
Keene began collaborating with
Malkmus and other musicians,
including Dave Matthews Band,
painting album art, video and
stage sets and posters.
In 1998, Andy Dierks, then
a KU student but now KJHK
general manager, attended a
Pavement and Apples in Stereo
show at Liberty Hall where he
purchased his frst work by
Keene. Later, Dierks purchased
three more paintings for $45
on Keenes Web site, www.
stevekeene.com, and was
pleasantly surprised when
nine paintings arrived at his
doorstep instead. I could even
smell the fresh paint as soon as
I opened the package, Dierks
says. Four of these paintings
are proudly displayed in Dierks
offce where Megan Wesley, last
years Student Union Activities
Cultural Arts Coordinator,
initially noticed them and got
the ball rolling to bring Keene
to campus.
David Cateforis, professor
of art history, says that Keenes
involvement with rock music
seems consistent with his effort
to reach the masses. Keene is
playing partly to the insiders
art-world elite. On the other
hand, his art is very populist
in orientation, so its more like
street art being made for the
masses.
The day after Keene arrived
in Kansas, he purchased 100
sheets of thin plywood, the
equivalent of an 8-by-400-foot
painting.
To make his art, Keene cuts
the plywood to make smaller
panels. He creates multiples of
the same image, though each
is unique because it is hand-
painted. The panels combined
create his envisioned large-
scale piece.
Keene churns out 100
paintings a day and admits that
the 8- to 10-hour workdays are
stressful, but he doesnt worry
if the product is bad or good.
Its like playing a game you
cant redo. You just do another,
Keene says.
Though Keene doesnt have
the rock star ego, he certainly
lives the lifestyle, traveling
around the world performing.
And for Keene, the performance
is as important to his art as the
end product he creates. Its as
if Im a musician performing for
an audience. Theres a craft in
traveling around and adapting
to different situations. You think
about how you can animate
different spaces, Keene says.
But I dont talk to people while
Im working. Im polite, but
its like Im working on stage
playing an instrument. You
dont talk to the audience while
youre creating your art.
Even more remarkable than
the scale and spontaneity of
his art is the cost to purchase
it. Keene is selling his original
works for $5 per painting.
Smaller pieces brought from
his Brooklyn studio run even
cheaper: 3 for $5. Keene said
that because his art is so cheap,
people think of them as informal
trading cards. You buy a few,
and if you move, you may leave
them, take them with you, or
give them to a friend. My art is
dispersed to the world in many
different ways, Keene says.
Michelle Tran, current SUA
Cultural Arts Coordinator and
Derby junior, says, Sometimes
you go to a gallery to see a
beautiful piece of artwork, but
its too expensive to purchase.
With Keene, you can take a little
bit of his art home with you like
a souvenir from a show.
Keene has created at least
175,000 paintings over the past
14 years. His philosophy echoes
that magnitude of energy.
How do you make big art in
the world?Keene asks.You just
dont stop.
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 15
OUT
en masse
$5 masterpieces
SEE STEVE KEENE
paiNT liVE
9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Monday through
until February 14,
Kansas Union Gallery,
fourth floor
KIT LEFFLER
Steve Keene paints in the Kansas Union lobby.

16

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
JAYPLAY SAYS
WATCH SYRIANA
AlittleGeorgeClooneyneverhurt
anyone, evenwhenhesoverweightand
bearded, butyoushouldprepareyourself
becausethisisnoOceans 13. Recent
GoldenGlobewinnerClooneystarsin
thishotpotatopoliticalthrilleraboutthe
effectsofbigbusinessinterferinginwar.
Arelevanttopicinthesetroubled, oil-
obsessedtimes, Syrianaisbraveenough
to(fnally!)askthetoughquestions,
makingitararefndinthemultiplexes
fullofUnderworld: EvolutionandBig
Mommas House 2-typefare.
Yourrocknrollheartcanatlastsoarwitheachof
the18tracksthatspeakoflifeshardshipsasonlyhair
bandscan. Sureitsalittletrashy, butyouwontmind
whenthestragglersatyournextkeggerareclinging
totheirbeercupsandsingingWhitesnakesIsThis
Love atthetopoftheirlungs. ReleasedJanuary31.
LISTEN
MONSTER BALLADS:
PLATINUM EDITION
TheingeniousiTuneshashitthejackpotby
bringingaboutadozenshortDisneycartoonsto
downloaderseverywhere. DownloadThe Brave
Little Tailor, originallyreleasedin1938, andbe
immediatelytransportedbacktoatimewhenjust
thethoughtofMickeyMousecouldthrill. Watch
Mickeygetmagicbeans, climbthebeanstalk, battle
agiantandwinfairMinniesheartallforjust$1.99.
DOWNLOAD

TheKansasPublicRadiosketchcomedyperformsSaturdayatLibertyHall. The
5p.m. showisadressrehearsalandtherealthingsat8p.m. (785)749-1972
GO RIGHT BETWEEN THE EARS
INXS
Tonight, MidlandTheatre, 8p.m. Itsa
shameMichaelHutchencewasreplacedby
anAmericanIdol, buthestoutedtobea
prettydamngoodreplacement. Regardless
ofwhosingsit, howcouldNeverTearUs
Apart everbebad?Getanewsensation.
SEE
THE BRAVE LITTLE TAILOR
COCKTAIL OF THE WEEK
The Martini
ThemartinifrstchilledtheAmericansceneinthe
late1800s, accordingtoDanielR. Whitesbook, The
Martini. Whitetheorizesthatthecocktailwasinvented
byabartendernamedMartiniatNewYorkCitys
DelmonicoHotel. Themartini, popularizedbythe
fctionalcharacterJamesBond, consistsoftwoounces
ofginorvodka, asplashofdryvermouthandistypically
garnishedwithanolive. Preferredservingisshaken, not
stirred.
Source: The Martini: Daniel R. White
DavidHeller
NatalieJohnsonandLindseyRamsey
GregoryMaguire, believe
itornot, keepsputtingout
qualitynovelsevenafterthe
successofWicked. Maguires
styleIwontcheapenitby
callingitagimmickisto
twistfairytalesaround. With
Mirror, Mirror, thefairytellin
questionisthestoryofSnow
White.
Unlike the fctional Oz laid
outinWicked,Maguirechooses
tousearealhistoricalbackdrop
for this novel. The backdrop is
theTuscancountrysideinearly
16
th
century. Bianca, our Snow
White, livesontheestateofher
widowerfather. Oneday, Cesare
and Lucrezia Borgia (actual
historical fgures Cesare is
the basis for Machiavellis The
Prince) come calling. Cesare
needsBiancasfathertogoona
missionaryexpeditiontofnda
religiousrelic, andBiancaisleft
in the care of Lucrezia. When
Lucrezialearnsofherbrothers
interestinBiancasheturnsinto
thewickedstepmother.
Lucreziahiresahuntertokill
Biancainthewoods, but, inthe
usual fashion, her life is spared
and she eventually encounters
the dwarves of the fairy tale,
who have a talent for creating
mirrors. The fairy tale is then
lefttoplayout.
Religious metaphors play a
strong part in this novel. The
religious relic Biancas father
is sent after is an apple from
the BiblicalTree of Knowledge,
and, ofcourse, theapplefgures
prominentlyintheoriginalfairy
tale. It also seems no accident
thatthehistoricalcontextofthe
story is an Italy that is gripped
on one end by the Catholic
Church, and on the other by
old world superstitions. Both
sides, Maguireargues, dealwith
hypocrisyandcorruption. Both
sides, for example, are leery of
mirrors (another throwback
to the fairy tale). Savonarola,
a monk who tossed mirrors in
bonfres, saying they caused
vanity, isoftenreferencedinthe
novel. The novel also cheekily
reminds us that Savonarola
was executed as a heretic by
theChurch.
Maguire could have tossed
any number of statements in
this novel, all of which would
have been worthless had the
novel not been readable. The
pace is quick, the characters,
especially the estates cook,
likeableandthestylefuid. The
greater role of religion isnt
understood completely until
the novel is over; the reader
isnt knocked upside the head
with it. Maguire has produced
anothergreatnovel.
Author: Gregory Maguire
Publisher: Regan Books
Price: $14.95
Available in Paperback
KelseyHayes
Mirror, Mirror
The New World, written and
directed by Terrence Malick,
is a retelling of the story of
Pocahontas. Im not convinced
thestoryneededtoberetold.
Qorianka Kilcher, as
Pocahontas, playsherpartwith
dignity and energy. You would
think shed been wearing
animal skins her whole life.
Her leading men do just fne,
but they dont have much to
do. John Smith (Colin Farrell)
spends most of the movie
looking either worshipful or
anguished. Christian Bale, who
plays playing the saintly John
Rolfe, alternates between
amusedandconcerned.
If you dont mind the fashy
editing, the flm is a pleasure
to look at. Unfortunately, the
pretty pictures eventually talk,
and the silences are broken
by voice-over. In hushed
narration, John Smith tells
us of his consuming love for
Pocahontas, his admiration
for the Powhatan people and
his dreams of shared wealth
and shared work a true
commonwealthforallpeople.
Theeffectisabitsubtlerthan
if John Lennons Imagine
playedoverthescenes.
Both the new world and
the old one are rich in detail.
The contrast between the
two is a better advertisement
for the Powhatan way of life
than any words Malick could
have written. Compared to
life in Pocahontass village,
17
th
-century England seems
over-crowded and absurdly
complicated.
Interesting as they are,
images can only carry the flm
sofar. Thismovieissuperfuous.
WiththeexceptionofQorianka
Kilcher herself, there is simply
nothingnewinThe New World.
PG-13, 135 minutes
South Wind Theatre
KitFluker
Te New World
BOOK
MOVIE
YoullwishyouweredeadYou'llwanttoleavethetheaterearlyYou'llsay"eh"
You'llravetoeveryonewhoasksYoullhaveareligiousexperience
REVIEWS
WE ARE SCIENTISTS
Inafairworld, popmusicwouldbe
judgedformeresonicquality, or, you
know, artistic merit, or something.
But smart consumers know better.
For a world of gossip magazines,
internet news, and SNL screw-ups,
anything can work within context.
To see Britney Spears embrace her
whoredom, fnally, without that not-
a-girl-not-necessarily-a-woman fuff,
made the orgy that was In the Zone
evengreaterthanitwas.
Butculturalcontextdoesntalways
work to ones advantage. Case in
point: Rosanne Cashs latest offering
drops after the death of her parents:
legends Johnny Cash, stepmother
June Carter Cash, and her mother,
VivianLiberto. Thealbumsfoundation
upon that death and grief is what
makes it so expected, so consistent
and, ultimately, solackluster.
In the tradition of Cash offerings,
everything here is good. Black
Cadillac opens in a post-grunge
crunchofguitarsanddrivingrhythm.
Mariachi horns reference Ring of
Fire. Oceana-infuencedLikeaWave
is pleasant and haunting. Ballads
God is in the Roses andTheWorld
Unseen are
delicate, piano-
driven odes to
grief, death, life,
andhope.
N e v e r
one for overt
senti mental i ty,
Cash now
straddles a thin
line between
originality and
clich. Her lyrics,
attimesarresting
and touching,
can turn to the
dullandmaudlin.
With her grief
still fresh, Cash
has diffculty
distancingherself
fromtheemotionofherfathersdeath,
unable to sift through the mess of
angerandabandonmenttocomeup
withsomethingmusicallyconclusive.
But that rawness occasionally gets
harnessed. Radio Operator is a fne
pieceoffuriouscountry-rock. House
ontheLake isspookyandpoignant,
and gorgeousI Was Watching You,
makes the albums greatest, simplest
pointoflove: transcending-life. These
songsarewhatthealbumcouldhave
beenanotherwisesolidandloving
tribute.
NickConnell
Roseanne Cash
Letsjustgetstraighttothepoint. We Are Scientistsisanother
banddoingthatsamesloppydanceyrockn rollstuffsimilarto
HotHotHeat, FranzFerdinandandTheKillers. Thesameeasy
crowdpleasingstuffweveheardamilliontimes.
Theformulaforthistypeofmusicisincrediblysimple. Finda
fewguys, takethemtoathriftstoretofndretrodressshirts, teach
thedrummertooverplayandhithiscymbalsreallyloud, tellthe
guitarplayertoplayreallyfasthighnotesandencouragetheband
toneverchangedynamics. Workseverytime.
ThroughWithLove andSqualor,WeAreScientistswrite
thesamesongoverandoveragain. Theyemploydirtysounding
guitars, danceybeats, andvocalsthatsoundtheywererecorded
inacave. Theyalsohavefunwritingsuchnonsenselyricsasmy
bodyisyourbody, Iwonttellanybody, ifyouwanttousemybody,
goforit.
TheonebreakfromthetediumisTextbook asongwherethey
actuallyslowdownthetempoabitandgiveitadifferentfeel. Itis
onesongof12thatstoodout.
Soifyourefanofdanceyrockn roll, maybethisistheCDfor
you. ButchancesareyouveheardthisCDbefore, donebya
differentband.
ChrisBrower
MUSIC
MUSIC
REVIEWS
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 17
Black Cadillac
WITH LOVE AND SQUALOR
Boobs. Thats the frst word that
springstomindwhenmostpeoplethink
ofthe Dead or Aliveseries. Itsreallytoo
bad, consideringthefrstthreetitleswere
actuallydecentfghtinggames, although
overshadowed by the Tekken and Virtua
Fighter series. Thankfully, with Dead or
Alive 4, Team Ninja has fnally released a
gametocompetewiththebigones. No
punintended.
The story focuses on a small group
of fghters led by the ninja Hayate and
their mission to destroy the DOATEC
organization. Whilethemanualgoesinto
quite a bit of detail regarding the back
story, theactualgameonlyincorporates
it in a few pointless cut scenes during
storymode. (Example: Twogirlsattempt
to buy the same head of lettuce. Fight
ensues). Youwillnotbeplayingthisone
forthestory.
As the frst fghting game to hit the
nextgenerationconsoles, Dead or Alive 4
looksawesome. Thecharactermodelsare
incrediblydetailed, theseries trademark
multi-tieredlevelslookamazingandthe
action moves along at a crisp 60 frames
persecondwithoutahitch.
Alsofeaturedisastaggeringamount
ofgamemodes. Fromthebasicstoryand
time attack modes to the more exciting
team battles and survivor modes, DOA4
has pretty much everything you could
want in a fghting game. Even better is
the games online mode, which features
a distinctive, yet underused, lobby
system in which gamers can socialize
whileawaitingtheirturntoplay.
As for the fghting itself, a number
of small but signifcant improvements
have been made. One of the most
obvious changes is the revised counter
system, which now has a much smaller
time frame, making for a challenging
experience.
If youre a fan of fghting games, you
really should give Dead or Alive 4 a
try. Its big, fun and well-rounded. Pun
intended.
System: X-Box 360
This game is available for purchase at Best
Buy, Wal-Mart, Target, Hastings, EBGames
and other video game dealers. $59.99. It is
available for rent at Blockbuster, Hastings,
Dillons and other video game rental
agencies.
AndrewCampbell
Dead or Alive 4
GAME
REVIEWS
18

JAYPLAY 02.02.2006
WhyistherenoHalloweeninIndia?
BecausetheytookawaytheGandhi.
WrittenanddirectedbycomedianAlbertBrooks, Looking
for Comedy in the Muslim Worldmixessuperbwitwithjokes
thatmakeyoucringeandwanttoslinkoutofyourseat(see
above.)Butitsmeanttobethatway. Andforthemostpart,
itworks.
Brooks receives a proposition by the United States
governmenttotraveltoMuslimareasoftheworld, fndout
exactlywhatmakesthemlaughandwritea500-pagereport
based on his fndings in an effort to better understand
them. Theprize?AnelusiveMedalofFreedom.
Enthusiasticbutskepticalaboutthisunlikelyproposition,
BrookslandsinNewDelhi, India, withtwosidekickshiredby
theStateDepartment(JohnCarrollLynchandJonTenney).
After fnding an Indian assistant named Maya (Sheetal
Sheth), he hits the crowded streets to begin his venture.
Realizing quickly that his method of random interviewing
will never get him close to the lofty 500 pages, Brooks
decidestoputonastand-upcomedyshowintheheartof
NewDelhi.
Theresultisntpretty. EvenIfeltpainforhim. Noonelikes
seeing someone fail so miserably on stage. Albert Brooks
provesthathesjustasgoodatmakingaudienceswantto
hurthimasheisatmakingthemlaugh.
Butthemanmoveson. Afterall,Itsokaytobomb. Itsnot
theendoftheworld, helatersays.
Orisit?Hishorribleshow, anillegalcrossingintoPakistan
and lines like the above joke make Indian and Pakistani
authorities extremely suspicious of the American funny
man. Hes not funny enough to be a comedian. He talks
about bombing. They decide he must have some ulterior
motive.
Looking for Comedy in the Muslim Worlddoesntproduce
as many laughs as youd expect. There are some zesty
one-liners, but Brooks isnt at his comedic best. But hes
not supposed to be. Instead, his willingness to be self-
deprecatingshouldbeadmired.
Brooks learns his lesson that humor doesnt easily
translate. Perhapstheworldistoodistrustfulandunstable
forittobelievethatadopey, Americancomicisjustthereto
seewhatmakespeoplelaugh, andthattheonlybombing
goingonishisstand-uproutine.
R, 99 minutes
Studio 30 Olathe
AshleyThompson
LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE MUSLIM WORLD
MOVIE
FRIENDS WITH
by Natalie Johnson
A hairowing journey to self acceptance
The worst day of my seventh-grade
year was the one when a classmate
decided to make a list of traits
and have two popular boys fll out
which girls in our class they thought
represented the best and worst of
them. The list contained everything
important to image-conscious 12-
year-olds: body, face, legs, smile, hair.
A gangly, awkward, head-taller-than-
all-the-boys me made the list in that
last trait: I had the worst hair in the
seventh grade. It was offcial.
We all have those vivid preteen
moments that leave an indelible
pain. Ill never forget looking at that
piece of notebook paper, crumpled
from being passed around all day,
and feeling the heat of humiliation
and self-consciousness burn up
from my gut, redden my complexion
(also deemed worst), sting my eyes
and smolder to the tips of my frizzy,
wiry, kinky, wretched hair.
The worst thing about it was that
it was true. My hair, by any standards
except Richard Simmonss, was
horrible. It was a shoulder-length
brown mess of frizz, a miserable
creature that was starkly different
from the straight, smooth,
highlighted coifs of the other
seventh-grade girls.
To watch it dry was to watch an
explosion in slow-motion: frst, the
outer strands would twist and stack
on top of each other, and then the
short hairs on top of my head would
stick straight up. My hair would
transform, layer by layer, from a slick,
straight entity to a sprawling mass
of fuff, sprinkled with strands that
looked obscenely like pubes.
I didnt know how to fx it. My
mother, also a victim of Explosive
Hair, had shorn hers years before.
We had just two hair tools at our
house. One was a bright yellow hair
dryer that short-circuited after 10
minutes, dated circa late 1970s. The
other was a one-inch-barrel curling
iron missing a plastic piece. Using
it guaranteed a burned thumb. My
mom bought me hair products,
but they never worked. She once
got a $10 bottle the size of a hotel
shampoo sample. Ten drops of the
serum were to transform my hair
into starched, ironed curtains that
would sway when I walked (at least,
thats what the magazine ad looked
like). Half a bottle later, my hair was
transformed into sticky fuzz.
Some nights, as I lay going to
sleep, Id feel it drying and start to
cry as it got rougher. Id grab a clump
and pull it out, desperate. I wore it in
a ponytail for three years straight.
For eighth grade graduation, I
chopped it to chin-length, a decision I
regretted for two years, during which
my face looked fatter.My hair,with fewer
inches to weight it down, swelled.
The climax of infamy was one
Saturday morning after a sleepover.
I awoke to fnd a dead baby frog on
my pillow. The girls all shrieked and
called for a man to dispose of it. As
the frog was carted away, my friend
Casey noticed a long brown strand
of hair between its toes. Look! she
cried, pointing, The little frog got
caught in Natalies hair! Natalies hair
killed it!
Over the years, though, I learned
to deal with my hair. I employed the
greatest coping strategy: I made a
joke out of it. My hair was my fame,
my trademark, the butt of everyones
jokes. My best friends never passed
up an opportunity to make fun of it:
Lyrically: You know in that
Dashboard song where he says your
hair is everywhere? Well, hes talking
about you.
On brushing:It sounds like when
my grandpa used to brush the
sheepdogs fur.
On the kid who just tripped:
Aauugghh! Natalies hair got him!
In college, I was set free from the
shackles of hair trauma. That my hair
was starkly different was no longer
considered bad. My roommate
tutored me in the ways of hair,
explaining basics (Yeah, itll sizzle
like that if you try to curl it wet) and
sharing a battalion of products.
Im now at peace with my hair. Im
proud of my wild curls. There are still
days when I gaze at normal hair
with envy my roommate Amy
has gorgeous, long, strong blonde
locks that fall smoothly down her
back but, for the most part, Im
happy with what Ive got. It was a
long journey my hair and I took to
accepting ourselves, but we made
it with minimal damage. Except, of
course, for the frog.
SPEAK
02.02.2006 JAYPLAY 19
THE FRO
Eighth-grade
graduation.
Five inches
cut that
morning
resulted in as
many added
in volume.
By college, I had a bitchy at-
titude and hair under control.
When I straightened my hair, it would wrap its tentacles around my neck.
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$3.75 DBL
Energy Drinks
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Cans
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Flavors
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