Anhedonia: Defined as an intense feeling of emotional confusion and fear that goes beyond the confines of even the

worst symptoms of clinical depression. Described by patients as a violent, nauseous pain in every single cell of their body felt every single second of every single day. There is not immediate cure for this disease. One must gradually reduce its symptoms in stages. A step forward is working towards becoming depressed. -ICD:VI Ed. (pg. 210) The boy wakes up on the warm pavement. Bits of gravel stuck to his face. He gets up looking very confused and a feeling of anxiety he cant understand nor shake off. The boy is wearing a white medical scrub-like uniform that looks like what mentally disturbed teenager would wear if they were currently in treatment (committed, hospitalized, etc.). Trying to gain his bearings he scopes out the landscape. He seems to be in a parking lot. A few cars spread out over a massive lot. While scanning his new found surroundings he spots a Humvee-like convertible with a gun turret on the back. He continues to look around but the gun turret keeps his attention and he is powerless to avoid staring. Upon close inspection he sees a man leaning against the side of the car. The man looks to be a soldier. He is dressed in fatigues and has a certain look that screams he was tricked into this profession by a smoothtalking recruiter. Nicenice car, Man! The boy shouts awkwardly. This feels like the first sentence hes ever said in his life. The only words he can consciously remember speaking throughout his entire life. The boy hopes that this acute memory loss is a simple fugue state, but you never really know. Right? Not even the doctors who hate being pointed out their flawed omniscience. Thanks. Replies the soldier. There might be hope for you yet. The boy feels slightly better after receiving the vague compliment. Hope seems like an important thing to hold on to at this point and time. He however cannot do anything else but simply stare at the vehicle. He begins to approach the soldier/vehicle cautiously in an effort to avoid any sudden hostility from inanimate and animate things alike. Whoa now. Slow it down, kid. The soldier strides up to him.

Without realizing it, he reached the tailgate of the vehicle. Up close he notices that the interior of the car is purple. This incongruence between the rugged exterior and the somewhat effeminate interior causes the boy to crack up. He can help but laugh out loud. The soldier doesnt respond. He just casts a disapproving glance. Nice purple. The boy chokes out over his laughter. Hey, fuck you alright! I didnt choose the color. The soldier shouts back. A sudden surge of confidence hits the boy. He immediately stops laughing and decides to participate in a further detailed inspection of the vehicle. As he reaches the front in he stops cold in his tracks. Somehow he hadnt noticed from his previous angles of sight, but the front end of the vehicle is curved up and looks suspiciously similar to that of an erect penis. The boy cant decide how to react to this. Laughter? Horror? Maybe this design helps with wind-resistance? Doubtful, but the boy is open to some kind of rational explanation for this creation that is quickly becoming definable as a clown car. You know that kinda looks like a The boy says pointing towards the car. Dont you dare say it Threatens the soldier. OK. The boy replies. He cant help but smile feeling the soldiers obvious embarrassment. Its German, alright! The soldier says as if searching for an excuse that would somehow mitigate the fact that he was guarding what could best be described as a penis mobile. I see. The boy responds unconvinced. The soldier points to the drivers side door panel. See this writing? Raupenfahrzeug. Thats German. For what? Massive hard on? asks the boy sarcastically. The soldier looks at him with an icy glare. He then relaxes his posture every so slightly and exhales loudly. Nevermind, kid. The soldier gets into his German engineered vehicle and began to slowly reverse. The boy didnt even hear the engine crank. As if hearing his thought, the soldier cranked the window down.

Its a hybrid. Thats certainly one way to describe it. The boy thought. The car drives off into the distance. The boy is now left completely alone. Oh shit! The boy suddenly exclaims. I forgot to ask where I am. This had better be a dream or I am fucked silly on this one. You are not asleep. A voice relied. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Did I say that or just think it? The boy thought. Who are you? The boy shouts scanning the parking lot but not seeing anyone. I am you. The voice close enough to be almost standing next to his ear whispers. Me? Correct. If youre me, why do you sound kinda like a dick? Im embarrassed to say that is how you are perceived by others. Is that so? You could ask the soldier. Im sure hed agree with that analysis. The boy ponders this logic. The boy cracks a small smile. This is probably the most narcissistic one can get. The boy thinks. Agreed. Hey, I didnt say that. I just thought it You still seem confused. Your thoughts are subsequently my thoughts. I am you.

Alright then disembodied voice that is me, what is anhedonia? And why is that word stuck in my head? Worse that clinical depression *Quote from original beginning monologue heard from a womans voice Well arent you smart. The boy mutters. Thank you. So are you. The inner voice happily replies. So what should I do now? Steal a car. Why does the readiness/quickness with which you reply make me concerned that that has something to do with the situation I am currently in? If I were you I would consider that the least of my problems I thought I was you. .Yes, youre exactly right. The boy begins to feel dubious and distrustful of his supposed self.