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n the Kingdom of God everything is reversed. What may seem successful in a Christian society may not always be that successful. Lets look for example at Michael W. Smith. He is arguably the most famous and prolific Worship leader in the world. He has many times led me in deep musical worship with God in the comfort of my own home. But if the Bible states that in the Kingdom of God,the first shall be last and the last shall be first, then I start to wonder. If I look at the lifestyle and glamour attached to a MW Smith world tour, and compare it to the struggles of a convict running a home church in China, then I realize that, maybe JUST MAYBE, in Heaven MW Smith would be the gardener or servant of last mentioned convict. (PS - I say convict because promoting Christ in China is a crime). Its a comical picture easy to imagine, but hard to comprehend. Honestly, I cant predict the state of Heavenly things but it does make wonder: Why do I do what I do?

I am now confronted with my dreams for the band and my ministry. Im not contemplating the exsistence of The FLOOR. I know we must and will continue leading worship inviting people into relationship and intamacy with Jesus. I STILL believe that God joined us together. My conflict is internal, personal... WHY DO I LOVE THIS WORSHIP MINISTRY? WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE FLOORS LONGEVITY? IS THE FULL GLORY GIVEN TO GOD? OR IS THE SUCCESS MY DRUG? A life of repentance and authenticity is one of the only ways to truely die to self and experience intamacy with the Holy Trinity. Pride is the killer of all that is Good and True and Life-ginving. I now yern for God to squash my pride. There is NOTHING that satisfies me more in life than knowing, beyond a doubt, that I am fully in His will for my life/ death. It is extremely addictive. the question now, to you, is: Why do YOU do what YOU do?

What are MY worship leading dreams when serving God? Its easy to say I want to do a Loftus 4 Jesus or work towards an album distributed across the country. That would be awesome!!! Though after some introspection my pride and insecurities are as painfilly obvious as a sore thumb. My ego is larger than the my surrender. Does my physical position or state matter to God? Does He care about my flesh? Why do all my Biblical heroes die terrible, terrible deaths? They claim that the rewards in Heaven are greater, inverse proportionate to the rewards on earth. To me it doesnt seem like MW Smith is a martyr for God. In fact from the outside the privilidge of his position is preposturously envious. The past few months we have worhipped with the biggest crowds(TUKS missions week) and the smallest gathering(twelve teenagers) in the history of The FLOORs existence. Both were amazing, but one humbly concerned me more than the other. I am prideful.