So What Really is Bullying?

Thursday, September 27

Bullying . . .
A student is being bullied when he or she is exposed repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more students.

Bullying implies an imbalance in power or strength.

The student who is bullied has difficulty defending himself/herself.
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Discuss:

What are some examples of power or strength imbalances that children might experience?

In Summary...
Intentional harm-doing Repeated over time

Occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power

Direct Bullying
Physical Verbal
Hitting, kicking, shoving, spitting

Taunting, teasing, racial slurs, verbal sexual harassment Threatening, obscene gestures

Non-verbal

Indirect Bullying
Physical
Getting another person to assault someone Spreading rumors Deliberate exclusion from a group or activity Using technology

Verbal Non-verbal Cyber bullying

Gender plays a role

Girls and boys bully differently. Boys are more likely than girls to use physical actions. Both boys and girls engage in frequent verbal bullying. Girls are more likely to bully by excluding and manipulating social situations.

Rough Play
Usually friends; often repeated (same players) Balance of power

Real Fighting
Often not friends, but sometimes they are; typically not repeated Power relatively equal

Bullying
Typically not friends; generally repeated Unequal power

No intent to harm Intentional harm- Intentional harmdoing doing Affect is friendly; Affect negative; Affect negative; positive, mutual aggressive, tense, aggressive & hostile affect differs for target and aggressor

Bullying Affects Everyone:

Those who bully Those who are bullied Bystanders
6%

9%

85%

The Bullying Circle

Bully
Target

Assistant

Defender

Reinforcer

Outsider

Bystander

Role Play
Think of some times in your life when you played these different roles in the bullying process. If time, share these with the person sitting next to you.

The Bullying Circle

Bully
Target

Assistant

Defender

Reinforcer

Outsider

Bystander

Parents often ask why their child is being bullied.

Targets of Bullying

Passive Targets Often:

Insecure and have little confidence Quiet, cautious, and sensitive Physically weaker than peers (boys) Do not have a clear idea of how to be friends or what they want from friendship Are afraid of getting hurt Find it easier to relate to adults than peers

Provocative Targets tends to be:

Hyperactive, restless, have difficulty concentrating Hot-tempered, attempt to fight or answer back when they feel attacked or insulted Clumsy and immature

The Bully/Target or Provocative Target

Has difficulty reading social signals Has trouble forming positive relationships May have reading/writing problems May try to bully weaker students

True or False?

The vast majority of children who are bullied tell a teacher or other member of the school staff.

Short-term Effects of Being Bullied

Lower self-esteem Illness Absenteeism Depression & anxiety Thoughts of suicide

Common health problems associated with bullying

Insomnia Bed-wetting Sadness Headaches Stomach aches Sore throat Colds/cough Respiratory problems Nausea Anorexia
Unexplained illness wanting to stay home for no apparent reason

Lasting Effects
Lower self-esteem
Higher rates of depression

Children Who Bully Tend To...

Have more positive attitudes toward violence than peers Have quick tempers, are easily frustrated Have difficulty conforming to rules Be stronger than peers (boys)

Children Who Bully Tend To...

Appear tough, show little compassion for Targets Be aggressive to adults Be good at talking themselves out of situations

Children Who Bully Tend To...

Have good or average selfesteem Not be anxious and uncertain Vary in popularity; popularity decreases in higher grades

Bullying Behavior
Often becomes a behavior pattern

This pattern may continue into young adulthood

Olweus study: Were 4 times as likely to have 3 or more convictions by age 24

What Motivates Children Who Bully?

Like to dominate others in a negative way Gain satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering Receive rewards by bullying others (prestige,possessions)

Family Risk Factors for Bullying Behaviors

Lack of parental involvement or supervision

Parents modeling bullying behaviours Minimal or no limits regarding aggressive behavior Harsh discipline/physical punishment with emotional outbursts Inconsistent discipline.

Peer Risk Factors for Bullying Behaviors

Friends/peers with positive attitudes towards violence Exposure to models of bullying

Risk Factors for Targets

Lack of close friends Not wanting to join others at break times

Effects on Bystanders
Feel afraid Feel powerless to change things

Feel guilty
Feel diminished empathy for Targets

What do we want bystanders to do?

Tell adults - Make it safe to tell. - Recognize courage, appreciate telling
Tell bullies to stop - Only when is it safe to do so

Reach out in friendship - Teach how to support in the target - Encourage inclusion - Recognize those who reach out

What about tattling?

Teach children the difference between small and big problems (Kelsos Options) Use the thank you for telling me approach.

Some thought provoking quotes:

In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. Martin Luther King Bystanders who are helpless in the presence of another students victimization learn passive acceptance of injustice. (Jeffrey, Miller, and Linn, 2002)

What Can Parents Do If Their Child Is Bullied?

Tell your child that they should never ignore bullying.
Listen actively to your child by letting them talk about their experience. Remember to empathize. Do not assume your child did something to provoke the bullying and blame them for being bullied.

What Can Parents Do If Their Child Is Bullied?

Help your child develop talents and positive attributes Encourage your child to develop interests and hobbies that will help build resiliency in difficult situations like bullying

What can you do if you realize that your child is a provocative target?
Enforce consequences if they broke a rule or for the bullying behavior they did. Teach them problem solving skills. Help them get insight into their role in the situation.

If the bullying occurs at school or on the bus Contact the childs Teacher/ VP for Student Welfare/School Counsellor immediately and share your concerns - we can only act on what we know Give the school time to investigate fully and act accordingly Trust the school to deal with the situation Tell us again if things are not resolved.

What not to do:

Have the bully & target talk it out.

What Can a Parents Do If Their Child Bullies Others?

Communicate directly to your child: We know you have been involved in bullying Bullying is a serious behavior and it is not OK. We will not tolerate any future bullying behavior
Do not allow them to spend too much time watching TV or playing video games

What Can Parents Do If Their Child Bullies Others?

Enforce family rules
Reinforce positive and kind behavior

Spend more time with your child and keep close track of his/her activities. Build on your childs talents by encouraging them to get involved in positive activities

What Can Parents Do If Their Child Bullies Others?

Help child find more appropriate behavior patterns

Share your concerns with school personnel and work together to send a clear message. Seek professional assistance, if necessary

Parent Resources
Information and a card game that they can print out to help them talk to their children about bullying. http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/a boutbullying.asp

Parent Resources
http://www.stopbullying.gov/ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/bullying http://www.pta.org/What_You_Should_Know.pdf http://www.pta.org/What_You_Can_Do.pdf http://www.pta.org/How_To_Make_Sure.pdf http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/aboutbullying.asp http://education.qld.gov.au/studentservices/behaviour/qsaa v/docs/toolkit-parents.pdf http://www.violencepreventionworks.org/public/bullying_tip s_for_parents.page

Questions?