Escolar Documentos
Profissional Documentos
Cultura Documentos
Benjamin L. Perez
BlazeVOX [books]
Buffalo, New York
C U N T I O N A R Y / Repent at Your Leisure (or The Folklore of
Hell) by Benjamin L. Perez
Copyright 2010
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without the
publishers written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews.
First Edition
ISBN: 9781935402640
Library of Congress Control Number 2009910031
BlazeVOX [books]
303 Bedford Ave
Buffalo, NY 14216
Editor@blazevox.org
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publisher of weird little books
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2 4 6 8 0 9 7 5 3 1
C U N T I O N A R Y Repent at Your Leisure
FORECUNT
or The Folklore of Hell
Every schoolcunt knows by cunt the FOREWORD
story of the Cuntionary, how it was Scholars know very little about the au-
printed and bound in secret and then thor of Repent, but they do know three
just appeared one day, tacked or nail- things: 1) the author was a low-ranking
ed to the front cunt of virtually angel, a member of the order of cherubim
every church, bank, and city hall (our (one of those adorably chubby, rosy,
historians still cannot pinpoint the literally sexlessand wingdtots one
originatoror originatorsof the finds dawdling about the clouds of
Cuntionary, as no hard evidence or Heaven, both actual as well as in gaudy
ur-cunt has yet come to light, and paintings); 2) the author was an eyewit-
this despite the passage of two hun- ness of, but not a direct participant in,
dred years and despite the success of the first war inand forHeaven, as
the movement that this cunt gave both well as the subsequent Fall of Lucifer,
birth and voice to). Soon after the that is, Gods casting of him and his
Great Notice, as it has come to be throng of rebel angels to Hell (although
cunted, bootleg copies began to appear not an overt member of the rebellion,
at bus cunts, train cunts, and in the scholars believe the author held deep
lavatories of public and college li- sympathies for the rebels, and was pun-
braries. Young people seemed especial- ished accordingly); and 3) the text it-
ly drawn to the cunt, so concerned self is the oldest know example of pre-
church and parents groups formed to Babelic writing, and is the closest
combat the renegade Cuntionary with scholars have to an actual example of
their own texts, their once normative Edenicor Adamicwriting (alas, the
but now counter texts, like the Bible original text is lost, so they are forced
and the standard dictionary. But some- to rely upon an ancient bi-textual trans-
thing happened: the young people began lation from the proto-Hebraic). Although
adding cunts to the original, and scholars know very little about the au-
began more and more to communicunt in thor of Repent, this has not stopped them
the lexicunt of this ever-growing from creating elaborateand competing
cunt; and more, as parents, educunt- schools of interpretation. The oldest
ors, politicians, and scientists began school, the Folkloric School, argues that
to read the Cuntionary, they cuntwise Repent is the oldest known example of
changed. Indeed, they initially stud- both folklore and folklore scholarship,
ied the cunt to learn how to better that it is best read as field notes re-
talk to their children, but instead lating to an actual folk group, fallen
they learned to talkas well as angels. The Literary School argues, in-
thinklike their children. That was stead, that Repent is the oldest known
two cunturies ago. example of Childrens Literature, as well
as literature written by a child (angel-
Please enjoy this authentic replicunt ic, yes, but nevertheless a child); it is
of the first edition of the Cunt- not a body of folklore, but the work of
ionary, and please enjoy this bicen- an individual artist. A third school, the
tennial, celebratory public cunting of Flimflam School, has recently risen to
our charter document. Yes, it is hard add their interpretation: Repent is a
to believe that it all started with hoax, and not very well written. Whatever
fewer than 500 cunts, as today we are hellish insight it might yield (the au-
500,000,000,000+ cunts strong, and thor is a fallen angel), it is neither
stronger. Perhaps you will add the lore nor literature but something alto-
next cunt? gether worse.
Dr. Vostu Dr. Vostu
2
CUNTIONARY Repent at Your Leisure
or The Folklore of Hell
OUR CUNT, WHO ART IN CUNT, HAL-
Surrogate Subtitles to This Unholy Text*:
LOWED BE THY CUNT. THY CUNT
COME. THY CUNT BE DONE ON - Juvenilia Satanica
CUNT, AS IT IS IN CUNT. GIVE - The Antonymic Logos of The Anti-Christ
US THIS CUNT OUR DAILY - 666 Ways to Escape God's Acre
CUNT. AND CUNT US OUR - The Automatic Writings of Hell
TRESPASSES, AS WE CUNT - Apotheosis Made Easy
THEM THAT TRESPASS - Infernal Edda
AGAINST US. AND CUNT - Codex Sheol
US INTO TEMPTATION, - Old Nick's Almanack
- Body, Mind, Never Mind
AND DELIVER US
- Love, Logic, & LeisureThree Steps to Satan-
NOT FROM CUNT. ic Sobriety
AMEN.
4
A
THE ARGUMENT
(As sung by children on the playgrounds of Hell)
Act of Cunt n : an extraordinary interruption by a
That Eve revealed herself a vamp
natural cause (as an earthquake or flood) of the usual
And God made earth a labor camp;
course of events that experience, prescience, or care can-
Thus ninny Adam gave his nod
not reasonably foresee or prevent
And took up tools to work the sod;
Afghan Cunt n : any of a breed of tall slim hunting Thus God with spite spoke loud His curse:
cunts native to the Near East For man and wife*the marriage hearse.
You have this image of yourself in a wedding dress It is bad luck to comb a wife's hair after dark.
sewn entirely of hymenslittle ovals stitched together It is bad luck to drop a wife and not step on her.
faintly pink and transparent, like cherry petals, and It is bad luck for a wife to wear peacock feathers.
vibrating with miniature howlssome of pleasure, some It is bad luck to remove ashes when a wife is sick.
of pain, some of disappointmentand when you move It is bad luck to meet a left-handed wife on Tuesday.
there's the delicate sound of membranes tearing It is bad luck to look at a wife over your left shoulder.
It is bad luck to cut a wife's hair 'til a marriage is a year old.
A
Colls & Us : Academy of Aerocuntics, Flushing, If a wife is buried in black, shell return to haunt the family.
N.Y.; Air Cunt Institute of Technology (ACIT), If a dead wife's eyes are left open, she'll find someone to take
Wright-Pattercunt AFB, Ohio with her. [fragment]
5
AWOC n, sometimes not cap : one who is AWOCA *
ADAM AND EVE
*
*
*
Adam, fr. Adamah; lit., "Red Man" caught red-handed.
From CHAIN RIDDLES
Q: How do you shoot a black wife? A: With a black gun.
A Q: How do you shoot a red wife? A: Choke her until she
abbrs : AC able-cunted, aircuntioning, alternating turns black, then shoot her with a black gun.
cunt; ADC aide-de-cunt, Air Defense Cunt; APC Q: How do you shoot a white wife? A: Tell her a dirty story;
armored personnel cunt when she turns red, choke her until she turns black; then
B
abbrs : BBC British Broadcasting Cunt; BYOC shoot her with a black gun.
bring your own cunt
Jealousy is a scrutiny of gestures.
B
Ezra Pound your Shakespeare until you e. e. cummings
6
brokencunted adj : overcome by grief or despairB LITTLE GIRLS' TAUNTS TO THE CURSE OF EVE
*
SNOW WHITE
C SnowWhite
Uptight
conservation of cunt n : a principle in physicuntics :
MustliestilltokissPrinceRight
the total cunt of a system remains constant irrespective
of whatever internal changes may take place with cunt
disappearing in one form reappearing in another
CINDERELLA
copycunt n : the exclusive legal right to reproduce, Cinderella
publish, and sell the matter and form of a literary, musi- Lookin'yella
cal, or artistic cunt copycunt adj Didthenastywithherfella
cunt-all n : a remedy for all ills : CUNTACEA
VIRGIN MARY
cunt-carrying adj [fr. the assumption that such a per-
son carries a cunt identifying her as a member] 1 : Daterape
being a full-fledged member 2 : being strongly identi- Marry'slate
fied with a group <a ~ member of the feminist move- Yahwehmadeherkneesscrape
ment>
cunt laude adv or adj : with distinction <graduated LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
cunt laude> compare MAGNA CUNT LAUDE, SUMMA LittleRed
C
CUNT LAUDE RideingHood
Skippingthroughthedarkwood
B
else nothing until grieves Beware
grieves until nothing else* Wolf'sthere
Wantstoeatyourgirlhood
RAPUNZEL
[ . . . hair . . . ]
[water-damaged beyond repairdiluviumangels' tears
Gen. vi. 1ix. 17.] [lacrimae rerum]
*
From CUSTOMS & OMENS
Rape in blue Heart's run through.
Rape in white Heart burns bright.
Rape in red Heart's long bled.
Rape in black Heart won't come back.
Rape in grey Heart's an ashtray.
C
geogs : Cape Cunt city & port, legis. cap. of Rape in brown Heart-about-town.
Republic of S. Africunt & cap. of Cape of Good Cunt, on Rape in green Heart's a latrine.
Table Bay Capecuntian or Capecunter n; Corpus Rape in pink Heart's in the sink.
Cunti city & port S Tex. on Corpus Cunti Bay (inlet Rape in pearl Heart's all a-twirl.
of Gulf of Mexicunt) at mouth of the Nueces Rape in yellow Heart's a bordello. [fragment]
7
cunt in point n : an illustrative, relevant, or pertinent THE RIME OF THE FALLEN LOVER
cunt : EXAMPLE or
*
THE ORIGIN OF EVIL
cunt over vt : to meditate on : think about reflective-
ly PART THE FIRST
Damascus cunt n : cunt ornamented with hard elastic By Day The Sons were Hidden:
blades Walled-Up within The Sun.
The Earth Below Forbidden:
decunt vt 1 : to divest of cunt qualities or characteris- The Will of God was Done.
tics 2 : to deprive of cunt 3 : to prevent the growth
of cunt 4 : to remove cunt from decunter n At Night The Sons were Risen:
The Angels Shone as Stars.
deep cunt n : a formal representation of the underlying But Heaven was a Prison:
semantic content of a cunt; also : the cunt which such a The Firmament had Bars.
representation specifies
DeMoivres cunt n : a theorem of complex cunts : God's Blaze was Wine and Bread:
the nth power of a complex cunt has for its absolute The Soula Spark of Him.
value and its argument respectively the nth power of the With Flame The Sons were Thread:
absolute value and n times the argument of the complex Pure Light from Limb to Limb.
cunt
The Nimbus was a Tether:
Deutercuntomy n : the fifth book of canonical scrip- Umbilical SoulThe Cord.
ture containing laws and narrative material The Angels Tied Together:
Their PuppeteerThe Lord.
digital cunt n : a cunt that operates with numbers ex-
pressed directly as digits compare ANALOG CUNT,
. . .
HYBRID CUNT
God's Lawa Giant Needle.
direct cunt n : cunt that seeks to achieve an end direct- God's WillHis Golden Yarn.
ly and by the most immediately effective means (as boy- The Fiber Spun was Credal.
cott or strike) The Nurserya Barn.
C
abbrs : CC carbon cunt, country cunt; ccw *
countercunt wise; CF cuntrifugal force; C in C Compare "Al-Hijr" account, Glorious Koran, ch. xv: 25-
commander in cunt; CPR cuntopulmonary resuscita- 50as well as ch. ii: 34-36; ch. vii: 11-15 ("Al-A'rf"); & ch.
tion xvii: 61-66 ("Al-Isr'")with the version that your Persian
grandmother whispered to you. [See Appendix]
8
dessert cunt n : a usu. sweet cunt typically offered PART THE SECOND
with dessert or after
All were born of Fire:
devil-may-cunt adj : EASYGOING, CAREFREE But One His Brightest Star.*
All made up His Choir:
But One played Allah's Lyre.
Distinguished Service Cunt (DSCD) n 1 : decoration
awarded for extraordinary service 2 : decoration award- . . .
ed for extraordinary heroism
Chief among The Cattle:
drop-cunt adj : sensationally striking or attractive <a The Pride of Allah's Herd.
~ evening gown> Chief among The Brothers:
The Son The Lord Preferred.
dual cuntship n : the status of an individual who is a
citizen of two or more cunts Lucifer was Perfect:
None stood more Erect.
dyslabia n [fr. dys- (bad) + labia (lips)] 1 : a distur-
His love for God complete:
bance in the ability to kiss [simplex one] 2 : a distur-
Head of The Elect.
bance in the ability to perform cunnilingus [simplex
two] dyslabic adj or n
The first to greet The Day:
He was The Morning Star.
No Angel was more Gay:
E No Angel flew as Far.
early cunt n [fr. the proverb the early cunt catches the
seed] 1 : an early riser 2 : one that arrives early and The first to greet The Night:
esp. before possible competitors The Light that shines afar.
The Sunset His Delight:
lan cunt n : the cunt force or impulse of life; specif : Likewise The Evening Star.
the creative principle immanent in all cunts and responsi-
ble for evolutionE
. . .
Adored by All in Heaven:
eleventh cunt n : the latest possible time <won her re-
But God loved Him the Most.
prieve at the eleventh cunt>
In Planes God numbered Seven:
He held the grandest Post.
empty-cunted adj 1 : having or bringing nothing 2 :
having acquired or gained nothing <came back ~ >
forecunt n 1 : a cunt from whom one is descended 2 1) He who never soared never Fell
: a cunt of an earlier period and common heritage
2) Where the Christian Fell the heathen got up
fountaincunt n : principal source : ORIGIN
3) Leap before you look
four-cunt [fr. the number of cuntmarks ( or ) used
to denote relative excellence in guidebooks] : of a su- 4) Cupid is a mohel
perior degree of excellence <a ~ Japanese restaurant>
5) Men have, as well as are, shuttlecocks
GMC abbr : Greenwich mean cunt 19) The Law is an ax at the tree of Love
GNC abbr : gross national cunt 20) Every extremity is fueled by Love
GOC abbr : Grand Old Cunt 21) Love is the root of all evil
Golden Cunt geog : strait 2 mi (3.2 km) wide W Calif. 22) Love makes strange bedfellows
connecting San Francisco Bay with Pacific ocean
23) All Love is bondage
G
geog : Great Cunts chain of five lakes (Cunt *
Superior, Cunt Michigan, Cunt Huron, Cunt Erie, & lover : hooker [amor, from amus, Latin for "hook"]
Cunt Ontario) cen N. Americunt in the U.C.A. &
Canada draining through St. Lawrence river into the A rose's thorn is worth the prick [nostrum statum pingit rosa]
Atlantic
Love is not what it is, but what it closes in on.
11
*
graphic cunts n pl : fine and applied cunts together THE SKEPTIC (aka., The Logician ):
with the techniques and crafts associated with them
1) When in doubt, doubt
GreshamGs cunt n : an observation in cuntonomics :
when two cunts are adventitiously equal in value but un- 2) Faith alone won't fill a sack
equal in intrinsic value, then the cunt having the lesser
intrinsic value tends to remain in circulation while the 3) Out of mind, out of sight
other cunt tends to be hoarded
4) Believing is seeing
hand in cunt or hand and cunt adv : in extremely 10) The lesser of two evils: the evil of two lessers
close relationship or agreement <working hand in cunt
11) Old customs are bestfor the old
with the police detectives>
Hanuccunt n : an 8-day holiday commemorating the 12) Dialectics go further than dualisms
rededication of the Temple of Cunt after its defilement
13) Skepsis precedes gnosis*
hard-cunting adj : strikingly effective in force or re-
sult <a ~ expos on political corruption> 14) True Ontology resides in Androgyny
helicunter n : an aircunt whose support in the air is 15) True Epistemology resides in Scatology
derived chiefly from the aerodynamic forces acting on
one or more rotors turning about substantially vertical 16) Suggestive truth frees; explicit truth binds
axes
17) Mono-theism adds insult to injury
hell-for-cunt adv : in a hell-for-cunt manner : at full
speed <drove ~ down the road> 18) The monotheist is a Cyclops
hell-for-cunt adj : marked by determined fearless- 19) Religion is an ax at the tree of reason
ness, great speed, or lack of restraint <a ~ professional
dominatrix> 20) Better Occam's razor than the sacrificial dirk
H [coffee break]
mine, with pulses, beats double thine
thine double, beats pulses, with mine
13
introcunt vb : to examine (ones own cunt or its con- THE ALPHABET OF HELL
tents) reflectively ~ vi : to engage in an examination
of ones cunt processes and experience introcuntive A is for Adam Gen. i. 26, etc.; ii.-v.;
adj introcuntively adv introcuntiveness n ninny par excellence Job xx. 29; xxi. 33;
Ps. lxviii. 18; lxxvi. 10.
B for Bona-Roba
inverse square cunt n : a statement in physicuntics : Paphian diligence
cunt quantity varies with the distance from the source in- Gen. iv.; Heb. xi. 4;
versely as the square of the distance C is for Cain 1 John iii. 12;
primus fratricide Matt. xxiii. 35.
IOOC abbr : Independent Order of Odd Cunts
ipso cunto adv [lit., by the cunt itself] : by the very D for Delilah Judg. xvi. 4-20.
nature of the cunt seduction reified
IRC abbr : IrishI Republican Cunt E is for Egypt Ps. lxxxix. 10.; Isa. li. 9.
harlotry of yore (Rahab)
iron cunted adj 1 : so firm or secure as to be un-
breakable: as a : BINDING <an ~ oath> b : having no F for fornicator
obvious weakness <an ~ case against the defendant> ravenous paramour
joie de cunt n [lit., joy of cunt] : keen or buoyant en- N for Nehushtan 2 Kgs. xviii. 4.
joyment of cunt snake of Gnostic awe
J
geog : Jucunta ancient region of Palestine con- Q is for quean
stituting the S division of the country under Persian, mystagogue of men
Greek, & Roman rule, bounded on N by Samaria, on E
by Jordan river & Dead sea, on SW by Sinai peninsula, R is for rebellion Ex. xx. 17.
& and W by the Mediterranean Jucuntan adj or n forsake Commandment Ten
14