Friday, January 07, 2000, 9:33 AM Friday already and only three days until d-day.

The coffee must be brewed by now so Ill be back after a few minutes hopefully. What about keeping in mind that its better when what I write is really interesting to read. 9:34 AM 9:48 AM. After a fifteen minute coffee break all is quiet. The air temperature is still in the teens. Sun shining still so it was comfortable in the sun at the south west corner of the house where the folding chair I set. There arose to the awareness of rationality or is imagination. Doesnt fit into categories. Envisioned the approaching day of crisis next Monday. Homeless and helpless. Driving to Alamosa to pack suitcases then to an airport or to see someone about an internet start up. A family of visions. Then arose an alternative family. A familiar family now. That of salvation. Last minute miracle. Then arose consciousness of how the circumstances evoke these alternative and the dynamic balance of the two families. There it is - the Heraclitan, Hegelian, Zen psychic nature of balances of opposites and generation of them. Synthesis, Antithesis, Thesis. Dialectic. There arose awareness of the succession of d-days arising in mind beginning as early as late 1997 prior to departure for Australia. Calculating when the day might come. Back then it appeared at around mind summer of 1998 and here it is mid winter of 2000. Eighteen months. The Wilburn situation seemed ideal then. Now the d-day appears January 10. It reappeared almost exactly a year ago after the Wilburn call on the phone that signaled release and a return of the d-day vision. Then it appeared to be early summer. Since then the vision of dday has re-appeared so many times and has shifted so many times especially during the last six months. It was fixed there in August for a few months. Then is moved to October then November. The week at Katies Palace and this place on and off.

The multiple locations of the d-day vision in the imagination leads to arising of the vision of intentional manipulation. There arose awareness of the probability or odds of the cotennant dimension of it all. The cotennant came along at a time when there was almost certainty that there was organized conscious and intentional manipulation in progress. There was already awareness of a probable arrival and when the cotennant appeared there was good fit. Now the last six years of strangeness seemed to affirm that the cotennant is an accomplished sorcerer skillfully and deftly manipulating awareness - these d-day visions. Is it real? Has this really been my experience? Certainly this has been my experience. It leads to an awareness of the nature of mind in its assembly of visions built on the circumstances. One might call these vision interpretations of the perceptions of the physical sensory circumstances as distinct from the perceptions of the circumstances themselves. Its interesting to contemplate the certainty of actual experiences of evolving consciousness over these years and then to see the contrast then with the overwhelming uncertainty that arises when mind contemplates the question about whether the manipulation vision is real. Mind in that situation struggle to see what is hidden and cannot be perceived either because it is not there or because it is very well concealed by intention. Either way the desire to see and not to be able to see is unpleasant. So there is relief in contemplating actual experience and seeing it as totally certain since it is and being content with that certainty and the amazing nature of it. Mind also struggle when confronted with other questions. All of them are efforts to see into the dark regions where there is no light. Like the struggle to see the ultimate intention or goal. If there is this expert sorcery for enhancement of awareness, for awakening of the mystic divine self nature, then what is the ultimate goal? Cannot be seen.

Now there arises awareness that when the whole process of experience of evolving consciousness is contemplated there is no interpretation needed and none activated. Interpretation could just as well be called Rationality even though the word only fits loosely. Yet it seems the essence of this is the actual experience of pacification of the interpreting and rationalizing tendency of mind. Awareness arises that this is probably the same as no mind, Wu-hsien, no thought, emptiness, shunyata, madhyamika from Buddhism and also of stopping the world in the Toltec tradition. There also arises awareness of the similarity between this state of suspended interpretation and suspended rationality and the gourd on water. Interpretation/rationality is like experiencing an awareness of reflection of what is experienced. Its a reflection which is always distorted. Could it be that the natural extinction or suspension of this Interpreting/Rationalizing tendency to reflect and distort original experience, is the inner purpose of spiritual disciplines? Here again words tend to confuse the awareness some. Maybe its not so much absolute extinction or temporary suspension as much as it is heightening of awareness of the nature of the mind as it reflects and distorts and interprets while attempting to fit experience into rational conceptual models of reality. It that reflecting process a learned capability so that when it occurs we tend to see what we are taught to see just as the Toltec suggest - a consensus reality in which we agree to perceive the world according to the consensus conceptual system? It seems so. From the Zen and Taoist traditions we have it that the alternative is spontaneity. Seeing through the process of reflecting and perceiving as we are taught to perceive. Seeing the interpretation and yet seeing through it by being more aware of its functioning and in seeing through it suspending its binding

spell so to speak. By seeing through it realizing it is not as real as the original experiences. Yet why then is original experience or original and undistorted perception to be preferred to interpretation? Perhaps because the socially imprinted interpretation is by design to arouse fear and by arousing fear to confine consciousness and limit conduct to socially productive activities. It appears then that it is not so much a matter of preference for original and undistorted perception. It is an evolving process of seeing through the real nature of interpreting, rationalizing, reflecting, assembling. Its as if we take our raw original perception to pieces and then reassemble it according to the pattern or mold imprinted in mind by social conditioning; incorporating elements that are absent from the original and deleting elements that are present there; all with the purpose of assembling an alternate version of actual experience. It is as if we see something that is not there. Is it like the conditioning process be which a Pavlovian dog is controlled by the ringing of a bell? If this is a human dog and I am the dog then when I hear the bell, if I am a Zen Taoist, I hear the ringing of the bell and that is the raw and pure original experience without any interpretation. When I experience the awareness of hunger, a vision of food coming soon and then awareness of salvation, I am experiencing the Interpretation or Rationalization of the pure original experience of the ringing bell perception. In all of this there is enhanced and increasingly enhancing awareness of the nature of conditioned experience. Right now there is awareness that the unconscious, the mystical and divine arises spontaneously just as the breath does and the processes of body temperature control and heart rate control. No thought is needed. Thought then, calculation is all about conditioned interpretation and the purpose of it is to influence conduct - to imprint patterns of conduct other than spontaneous conduct.

Now there is awareness of being fifty one years old and still being subject to conditioning and conditioned responses. All about liberation from mind control. Mind control and behavior control. All about liberation, Emancipation. Now there rises awareness again of the stages of this process of awakening and liberation from conditioning. Fifteen years ago there occurred a change in which I though complete and absolute liberation had been experienced. I see now and have known for all that time without wanting to accept it that it wasnt so. There was an awakening of awareness of the possibility of liberation and a few brief escapes along the way. Now there is awareness of a very sophisticated mind control system that operates via television, newspapers and the media in general. Its a mind control system that is necessary. The enslavement of the minds is necessary to ensure the survival of the physical dimension of consciousness - the all important roots. This is the nature of reality. The social super-organism has the nature of a mind control system to shape collective consciousness to ensure nurturing and cultivation of the physical root of whole consciousness. Its one thing to be aware of the nature of conditioning while high on some psychotropic. Yet its all immediately forgotten once the high wears off. Its another thing altogether to be aware of the nature of conditioning while absolutely sober. That appears to be more permanent. Fifteen or twenty years at least. Spontaneous or Calculating. Its all about behavior patterns. 10:52 AM 11:07 AM

At the time of thevoys there was dimension to one of the aspects that is just now arising in awareness. It has to do with the seeing through part and the compassion and generational wholeness. The new awareness that is now recollected from the evoys is the seeing through of the mind control system. At that time there was little awareness of the deep divinity of the mind control system. It was seen as damaging and that gave rise to awareness of shared sufferring of a generation struggling for freedom from something. There was a deep awareness of realization of a great secret in this seeing through the mind control system that confines consciousness in the small fragment of the here and now. 11:11 AM

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Now hear that orright wear is the box car 4:29 PM The suns coming up tomorrow just yopu wait and see tomorrows mail You can background print out your boogers yoy know. Nobody noses the dribbles that drop. In three days.

U will be relieved. At your post their panties dropt right where they fell 4:32 PM I could right a book if it fell over. 4:32 PM 6:08 PM Its not easy to make the conversion back to ordinary discourse after the ribaldry. The ribaldry makes all other discourse seem so stiff and pretentiously overly serious. Yet I want to contemplate for some unknown reason the nature of this discrimination between the original and immediate experiences of the senses and the interpetaions of rationality and the social consensus reality or shared consciousness imprint thing. Is all non-sensory awareness interpretaion? What about feelings of love and compassion? Is that interpretation. How do you tell the difference between interpretaion and original non-sensory experience? Looks like way too many questions there. The main thing is being aware of the significance of the experience of liberation from consensus reality. 6:14 PM