10/25/97 11:10 AM So here we go again all positive like realizing that which is the awareness of the exquisite perfection

- mystical awareness. Call it satori or is it sartori or maybe Suntori. Everybody must get MegaSatoried okay. In timelessness everybody is already enlightened it just appears like time is serial but in fact it is curved just as space is also curved. The linearity is no more than appearance. No need to bother with criticisms of the way things are - like business and corporations and the way they use media to spread their consumerist propaganda - the religion of materialism. Religion in the sense that the values of consumerism are preached in the advertising on TV and in the print media too. A religion of consumerism in the sense that it is presented as a way of a life and the meaning of life - an ethical system so to speak. A religion of consumerism in the sense of the psychic manipulations that are engaged by the aristocrats and priestesses of Madison Avenue. Lies and deception. Knowing and unknowing. So I can do that. Get all heated up and unhappy about the unfairness of the system and the people who control it. The people who make the decisions to approve the ads that we see on TV that show us how happy we will be if we work hard and get stuff. The Captains of industry and the Royals of finance. I can get myself really pissed off and I can write a book and point out all the ways in which the society we live in is flawed and needs improvement. Yet when I do that I am demonstrating my ignorance very clearly in the silent assumption that I know how to improve things and that I know better than the natural patterns of evolutionary development of both cosmos (and psyche) within which cosmos is nurtured and nurturing timelessly. The simultaneity of psyche is identical with the curvature of psyche. Shall we call it the non-linearity of psyche? There is another way. Curvature is a more positive approach to the idea of non-linearity which reflects the illusions that result from the confinement of psyche.

Here is one of the principles of unperturbable calm, profoundly contented joy and ecstatic tranquility, awesomeness and like words which describe a state of consciousness we might otherwise name mystical and describe as enlightened heightened..................................................... The principle is that it is possible and in fact it may actually be a principle of the purposefulness of psyche itself to consciously search or at least be alert to the existence of perfection in the whole of our experience and in the smallest details of our experiences in the present. Like looking to be aware of meaning in the interactions we have with other life forms both human and non-human. To see purposeful meaning and perfection in our every feeling and every thought. This is a first principle. I feel like Im stealing from the Celestinians but am not. These here are directly from my own experience and have been expressed in my writings continuously over more than a decade. A second principle is already there above. Simultaneity and curvature. For me, the feminine body shape of human women is metaphorically suggestive and reflective of the curvature of psyche. The male-female, yin-yang. yoni-lingam polarity of our human world appears to be metaphorically and symbolically suggestive of the material - spiritual polarity of our psyche. In our modern industrial consumer culture, the materialism and focus on the nowness of the present (a psychic manouvre which in fact confines awareness in a small region of its vast wholeness - as Plato describes in the allegory of the cave in The Republic) is symbolized in maleness, linearity, yang, lingam linearity - a characteristic of the psychic habit pattern of differentiation of psyche (cutting the whole into almost infinitely small intervals as envisoned in the differential mathematics of Newton and that other bugger from Germany - was it Liebniz or was it Lorenz?). The mathematics reveals an insight into the true nature of psyche. So too and much more does Integral Calculus. A mathematical formulation of mystical experience of psychic wholeness. Tvat

Tvam Asi as its written that Tibetan enlightened beings say. That is You. Wu Hsien as the Chinese Zen Buddhist are claimed in writing to say. The self nature which is no mind, unconscious, psyche. Differentiation represents the process of shrinkage of psyche into the tiniest fragment of its wholeness - the material physical body in the present now moment, aware of the pleasure and pain of the body, desires and cravings. Integration on the other hand, represents mathematically the process of unification of a multitude of separated differentiated pieces of infinitely small psychic now moments into a whole and infinite, eternal and cosmic, ancient, evolutionary, pefectly awesome, mystically harmonious, staggerringly beautiful, whole self-nature, psyche-tao-being. 10/25/97 2:08 PM A very nasty winter storm. Windy now and still a little coming down. On the other side of the mountains it appears to be much worse. Nice to be inside with warm air from the heater blowing on feet and legs and keeping warm. That reminds of how easy it is to get distracted from the mystical realization of wholeness into a deep well of dispair when we come accross distortions of reality in the form of manipulation of awareness with words and actions that comunicate the very same demands for improvements that underlie so much of our dispair because they are at the base and in their essence reflections of the great ego illusions. The illusion that we harbor and share with each other that we know how things should be and that we know how to improve on the evolving psyche which after all in simultaneity and its timeless is complete and changeless yet appears to be incomplete, imperfect. Flawed when we view it in fragments and lose sight of wholeness. I had a brush with ego while I was outside my room in the other part of my home. There I met a person who has forcefully occupied my home for more than a year now and the person displayed signs of discontent with me.

I felt uncomfortable with the message. I experienced a distorted and fragmented view of myself in the verbal and non-verbal messages of incompleteness. I put out some pork chops to bake later if they thaw. I want to have some meat with the asparagus that is there. All the carrots have been given away and none left for me to have with the parsnip. I hear lots of noise upstairs and on the stairs and would like to have quiet and peace and no other person in my home today but there is a man called Bill who has forcefully occupied my home and refuses to comply with my requests to have my home and truck to myself. I dont know why I am being treated so abusively, why Bill is depriving me of the freedom to choose who is in my home and when I want company. My attempts to communicate verbally about why he is doing these abusive and illegal things are met with denials and verbal abuse and verbal game playing. It is fairly clear that there will be no resolution of this harassment, invasion, abuse to me by Bill by way of verbal communication. But I think I am free to go to my kitchen and heat up some pea soup. I can only speculate about Bills motivations for such deplorable conduct - forceful entry into my home against my will, physical assault to me, verbal abuse to me, false accusations, manipulations of psyche, coercion, death threats, destruction of my property, threats and lies. The surface appearance is that Bill refuses to do work to get his own place and his own car and have contact with his own family, so he invades my home as a parasitic human unable to provide for himself. This is the appearance and it could be that Bill is here because he finds it easier than providing for himself or believes it is. I consider this to be little more than a surface appearance that has been intentionally and calculatingly constructed for the purpose of obscuring the underlying motivations and purposes for his presence in my home and life. It is consistent with years of strategically planned psychological manipulation by Bill and by other people including

Mary Wickham Mansur Watson, Dave Coates, Michael OConnor and others. It is the continuing strategy of psychological manipulation that links things together and provides some insight into what Bill is attempting to accomplish by this violent and abusive course of action. What is certain is that whatever his motivation. Bill has chosen to defy me and refuse to comply with my wishes for me to live in my home alone. Bill has chosen to oppose this and has taken up residence in my home and seldom is far away from me and maintains what I can describe as almost continuous scrutiny of my daily life frequently reminding me of that and threatening to use his knowledge of my patterns to damage me. This doesnt seem consistent with an individual seeking little more than a free ride via financial dependency reinforced with threats of violence, destructiveness, death and abuse. It is certain that Bill has chosen to resist my simple desire to live alone and that his decision to stay as close as he can to me and to scrutinize my every activity is a two pronged strategy involving both scutiny and influence. These in fact go together. It is likely that the constant scrutiny is part of the strategy of psychological manipulation as well as a key component of the strategy of influence aimed at manipulation of awareness for the purpose of shaping behavior and perception. I can only speculate on the deeper motivations for Bill involving himself in such a deplorable pattern of conduct. Physical Assault. Verbal abusiveness. Harassment. Death Threats. Threats of violence. False accusations. Coercion. This is certainly not what I want from a friend and is almost exactly the opposite of what I consider friendly conduct. It is hostile and predatory conduct that I see in Bill. There is friendly conduct at time from Bill and that is of course why I originally consented to his presence in my home - out of a genuine desire to show true friendship despite my suspicions. There is friendly conduct from me despite the abuse on most

occassions but periodically I make it known that I am not consenting to this conduct despite my demonstrations of caring and compassion for all living beings. My curiosity about the motivations of this person to whom I have been extremely kind, leads me to speculate about his motivations for refusing the simple request that he leave my home in order that I can have the freedom, peace and provacy I want and also freedom from physical assault. Yet there can be only specualtion about the motivations since Bill maintains secrecy and speaks in riddles and contradictions when asked why he is here scrutinizing and influencing, abusing, harassing, invading, depriving, draining and damaging. There can only be speculation and this fact underscores the uncertainty that I take to be a very intentional and key element of the strategy of psychological manipulation that Bill has invol ved and continues to involve himself in despite mt continuing kindness and insistance that he leave my home.