Fitting In at Homeschool Co-Op Kathryn Porter

A child with autism can pass for any other child. Autism is often referred to as an invisible disability. What happens in a homeschool co-op setting when your child looks like every other child but does not meet the behavioral expectations set for every other child? In our first homeschool co-op, I observed my son during class. It looked like this: perfect child, perfect child, perfect child, my child. While his behavioral issues looked like willful disobedience to other moms, many of those issues were due to his difficulty in coping with sensory input and his challenges in navigating the social world. Parents commented that they were afraid to register their children to attend classes in which my child would be participating. I was informed that in order for us to continue our involvement there, I would need to attend all of his classes and serve as his personal aide. However, we cant be our childrens personal aides forever. That is why its so important for us to teach them the hidden curriculum of how to navigate the social world. For kids on the autism spectrum, social skills challenges make fitting into a homeschool co-opand everywhere elsechallenging. Social Skills Challenges Literal Interpretation Individuals who have autism tend to see the world with a black/white lens. You are either telling the truth or you are not. I first realized the role of the literal mind in education during my sons kindergarten year, before we received his diagnosis. After watching a cartoon of the Nativity in Sunday School, my son came out of church in tears: You lied to me, Mommy, you lied! You told me Jesus was real, but now I know the truth. I learned it at church. After some investigating, I figured out how he had arrived at this conclusion. I had taught him that cartoon characters were not real. He had just watched Jesus as a cartoon character; therefore, Jesus must not be real. God opened my eyes that day. Our childrens teachers at our homeschool co-ops need to understand what this means. For example, telling a joke in class might make the teacher a liar. Using sarcasm causes confusionwhy say one thing when you mean another? And then there are idioms. If someone remarks that its raining cats and dogs, then it better literally be raining cats and dogs. In addition to reading, writing, and rithmetic, our kids need to learn the nuances of jokes, sarcasm, and figures of speech. Nonverbal Cues Its been said that as much as 80% of our communication is nonverbal. We communicate with facial expressions and body language. Imagine what it might be like if you missed 80% of an important discussion but then were expected to understand 100% of what was said. Children with autism struggle more when it comes to social communication due to difficulty in reading nonverbal cues. Many children with autism find comfort in the virtual world as they get older because they dont have to decode facial expressions and body language online. However, they still need to learn how to decipher nonverbal cues.

Nonverbal cues also affect our childrens comprehension of social boundaries. For example, they might not understand if they hover too close to people. We need to teach our children about concepts such as space bubbles without assuming they will learn them via osmosis by observing other children. Social Justice In the world of special needs, social justice isnt about some political ideology concerning redistribution of wealth. For the child with autism, its often all about following the rules. Rules are important. Everyone should know them and everyone should follow them. Woe to the friend or classmate who breaks the rules. Children on the autistic spectrum often like to play the role of police officercatching others in the lawbreaking act and bringing it to the attention of the adult in authority. Sometimes they prefer to play judge and jury, dispensing swift justice as they see fit, often in the form of aggression. Because of this trait, we need to share with co-op teachers that they need to be more patient with our kids if it feels like they tattletale on others a little too much. They need to know that rather than expecting our children to work it out with another child, it would be better to separate the two children, assigning them seats apart from each other. As parents, we need to help them resolve these issues outside of class. Mind Blindness Children on the autistic spectrum often expect others to read their minds. However, we dont always know what our children are thinking, nor do their teachers. This can lead to some volatile situations. I taught a beginning reading class in which my son was one of the students. While practicing letters on the whiteboard, another student got up to take his turn and erased my sons letters. Consequently, that student became my sons mortal enemy. My son stood up beside his desk and lunged at this boy, knocking me down as I placed myself in front of the student. My assistant took over the class as I calmed down my son, who shared with me that the boy in question had broken the rules because he had erased my sons letters. That was not my rule. No one knew how important it was to my son to leave his letters on the whiteboard until class ended. Just as our kids with autism lack an understanding of the unwritten rules of social communication, they sometimes expect others to know the unspoken rules of their world. Mind blindness also shows itself when our children act on the belief that all other people are just as fascinated with their special interests as they are. They need to learn that not everyone finds trains (or whatever their special interest) exciting and how to hold a conversation focused on non-preferred topics. So how can we help our children learn the hidden curriculum in the homeschool co-op setting and beyond?

 Teach the hidden curriculum in the same way that you would teach phonics. Dont just assume your child understands the difference between frustrated and angry. Show him pictures of the two facial expressions. Talk about how the expressions are different and similar at the same time. Get a book about idioms and teach them one by one. Take advantage of natural learning opportunities. When there are misunderstandings, determine the cause and address it. Teach strategies to deal with anger in an appropriate way before issues occur. Help your child learn that autism is not an excuse to be mean to others, even if someone else hurts them first. Teach your child about his or her diagnosis. Understanding who they are will help them understand the world around them. Explain that other people process the world in a different way and that different is okay. Be your childs advocate. Talk to enrichment teachers about how they can help your child excel in the co-op setting. Explain your childs diagnosis to other childrenat their level. Let others know that our children arent disabledtheyre just differently-abled. Co-ops provide great opportunities for homeschool families, including those with special needs. As we teach our children how to navigate the social expectations of the co-op setting, we teach the world to love and accept our children. By building relationships within our respective co-ops, we then begin to see each others childrenboth neuro-typical children and those with special challengesfor who they are. We see kids, none of whom are perfect, yet each one beautifully and wonderfully made. Kathryn Porter is the homeschooling parent of a child with high-functioning autism. She is a special needs advocate who offers training on invisible disabilities. She enjoys teaching sensory-rich classes at her homeschool co-op. She earned her masters degree in special education at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. Kathryn is also the author of Too Much Stuff: Winning the War Against Clutter (Beacon Hill, 2012) and can be reached through her website at clutterwise.com. SIDEBAR Seven Tips to Identify an Inclusive Co-Op 1. Talk to other homeschooling parents of children with special needs. What co-op in town do they attend? Which teachers do they recommend? 2. Interview co-op teachers. Ask open-ended questions about how they feel about teaching children with your childs diagnosis. 3. Observe the co-op for a day. Make arrangements to visit the co-op and sit in on classes. Note how teachers and students interact with homeschoolers who share characteristics that your child exhibits. 4. Look for key words in class descriptions. Certain words indicate that the teacher understands how to reach students with special challenges. Terms such as sensory, handson, and exploration might indicate that the teacher is open to outside the box learners. 5. Check with the co-op leadership about what types of training co-op teachers receive. If the teachers receive any training at all, thats a big plus. If they mention special needs training, thats even better.

6. Ask if there are any special needs support groups attached to the co-op. If not, are they open to the suggestion? Are they aware of other special needs homeschooling support groups that could meet your needs? Even if you are not interested in becoming involved with that support group, their ability to answer these questions speaks volumes. 7. Try it out for one semester. Not every co-op is a good fit for every child. However, youll never know if its a good fit unless you try. If possible, start small, registering for only one or two classes. Copyright 2012, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally appeared in the February 2012 issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, the family education magazine. Read the magazine free at www.TOSMagazine.com or read it on the go and download the free apps at www.TOSApps.com to read the magazine on your mobile devices.