Power Tool Assessment Name: Christine Rusnak Date: March 26, 2012 Student ID: Email: Christine.rusnak@comcast.

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Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

Reading
When you aim for perfection, you discover its a moving target ~ George Fisher
Jane prides herself on the fact that she religiously wakes up at 5 oclock am every single morning before work to complete her six- to ten-mile run through the neighborhood. Even during the winter, when a snow blizzard hit the city, forcing all schools and most businesses to stay closed for the day, Jane did not let it stop her from her run. Her commitment to her morning routine provided a reward for Jane, as she started each day with an emotional high and overwhelming feeling of being so productive! In todays society, in which there is increasing uncertainty, increased demands in life, and more competition, many people feel an increasing need to be the best and prevail- physically, intellectually, emotionally, and on the job- in order to stay afloat and have a sense of purpose. But, at what point does being vigorously disciplined turn into a strong need to be perfect? It is the constant need for absolute perfection that can cause disruption, frustration, and pain to your life. Perfection is defined as the belief that one and/or the environment must be perfect and without flaw. Psychiatrist David Burns was cited in Psychology Today (1980) as defining perfectionism as people whose standards are high beyond reach or reason, and strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment. There is a strong desire and need to be the best, and that whatever is attempted must be done to letter perfection with no deviations, slip-ups, errors, or inconsistencies. There can be situations in which ones perfectionistic tendencies have many productive and positive aspects. It can create a driving energy that motivates a person to achieve outstanding achievements with clear and concise attention to detail. In its healthy state, perfectionism can spark motivation, which reduces levels of procrastination, and help maintain ones levels of commitment and persistence with their decisions and actions. Yet, perfectionism more commonly spins out of control and can develop into an unhealthy state in which the perfectionist develops a level of consciousness and irrational belief that many aspects of their life must be a certain way or else a negative consequence will follow. Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 2

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

Experts say people are often created to be perfectionists from a very early age, and characteristics can be observed as early as age four. Studies have shown that frequently these children are being raised by one or both parents whom also demonstrate strong perfectionistic tendencies, creating a modeling effect in which the children copy or take on the same traits. In interviews with perfectionists, they often report that their parents were overly critical and extremely strict. In todays world, more and more pressure is being placed on children to perform with high expectations on their performance, which is creating an up rise in perfectionism. What does being perfect look like? Analysis of the thinking, beliefs, and behaviors of people demonstrating perfectionism reveals many commonalities. Perfectionists often demonstrate a strong trait of organization with an over-emphasis on order. They set high personal standards, in which they often set lofty goals that are frequently unattainable with very little learning curve. There is a rigid adherence to these high standards in almost all conditions and situations in their life. They become overly concerned over mistakes, as they feel that mistakes equal failure, which may lead to rejection and/or a loss of respect from others. The excessive worrying over possible mistakes leads to doubt of their own abilities, as they constantly feel unsure if they are capable of completing a task at hand. Even if the perfectionist starts a goal or task, they question whether they will be able to continue in an adequate way or maintain the level of achievement. What beliefs are behind being perfect? A perfectionist often carries with them many self-defeating and irrational beliefs. They are also faced with an ongoing stream of negative emotions since rather than focus on positive attributes, they direct all of their focus on avoiding the negative attributes. They believe that if they are going to put forth their energy into a task, then it must be performed with high standards in mind and without error. There is no sense in doing something unless it can be done perfectly, at whatever cost. They hold the belief that it is what you achieve, rather than who you are, that makes one important. Unless a high level of success is achieved, they have very little value in life. If a roadblock or obstacle is encountered, or a mistake is made, a perfectionist will often believe that their efforts must have not been good enough. They, therefore, completely give up and throw in the towel. A Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent 3 Christine Rusnak, 2012

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

perfectionist also holds the strong belief that s/he is being constantly judged by others based on their own performance, achievements, and actions. Therefore, this often leads the perfectionist to hide their goals or actions from others, so that if they should make a mistake, they wont be considered a failure by others. What are the negative consequences of being perfect?

There are many negative consequences that can accumulate due to perfectionistic thinking, which create many difficulties in ones life. What are some of the negative consequences?

Low self-esteem A perfectionist never really feels good enough and can experience feelings of failure paired with low self-confidence. They may make negative comments about their performance, such as I am always so terrible at this, or even about their own self-worth, such as I am such a loser! Lack of motivation A perfectionist can become so fearful of failure that they find it difficult to get started with a task in the first place. Their belief that their performance may not be perfect, or if an action cannot be perfectly achieved, causes a lack of motivation. They will not start a task unless they are positive they will get it right. They often resist or drag their feet in making changes in their lives, and many perfectionists will refuse to make changes at all. The fear of failure can be so extreme for some that they become immobilized, and their energy, creativity, and efforts come to a complete halt. Rigidity A perfectionist often needs to have things just so in their life, with the presentation that everything around them and everything they are involved with are perfect. This need often leads to a lack of flexibility, being labeled as finicky, and extreme rigidity. They are often resistant to acting spontaneously and grow uncomfortable when Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 4

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

actions or events deviate away from their set schedule. In a more extreme form, the perfectionist may begin to show compulsive behaviors and obsessive rituals. Pessimism A perfectionist often holds a perspective that it is extremely difficult to ever achieve a goal in an ideal way. As a result, they often grow discouraged, disheartened, and pessimistic about their future efforts to meet a goal. They tend to focus on the negatives, and all of the possible things that may go wrong, when approaching a task. Proneness to more serious disorders Perfectionists can exhibit high levels of anxiety and depression. They also run the risk of becoming prone to more serious, life-debilitating mental and emotional difficulties, such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Eating Disorders, Social Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, workaholism, substance abuse, chronic stress, and even Heart Disease. What does being magnificent look like?

No one is perfect. . . . .thats why pencils have erasers ~ Author Unknown

A person who approaches their life with an attitude that they will always try their best and that ideals are merely guidelines to be worked on, without the need for 100% achievement, is a person who has made a choice to be magnificent in their life. The magnificent person takes time to explore, discover, and listen to the passion inside of them, which creates a need or drive to make decisions or take actions that will feed this inner passion. The magnificent person is not afraid of change, nor are they afraid to try new things, as they hold onto the attitude of Even though this is new to me, I will try my best! Their actions are aligned with their values, as well as their top priorities in life that give their life meaning. The magnificent person sets reasonable goals that are realistic, often achievable, and within flexible time frames. As they work toward their goals, knowing they will give their best that they can, they are patient and calm, with the awareness that obstacles could get in the way. They approach each obstacle with an inner strength Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 5

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

of I know I can work through this, rather than an I knew I could never do this, so I should stop here mentality. The magnificent person has learned to accept who they are and has completely let go of what they, or others, think they should be. As a result, they can forgive themselves for their mistakes and enjoy their achievements with a healthy sense of self-pride. What are the beliefs behind being magnificent? A person who approaches life with the attitude that they will strive to be their own magnificent self has developed very healthy beliefs about themselves and the world around them. They hold onto the belief that to be super human is unrealistic and unattainable. They recognize that the human condition involves failings, weaknesses, mistakes and imperfections, and without these conditions, we, as humans, wouldnt have the opportunity to grow, change, and improve. They approach each task with the belief that even if the desired end result is not achieved, they knew they gave it their best, and therefore, the overall result can be viewed as a success. Their own failures and mistakes are viewed as opportunities to learn from, and with this new knowledge, they can do even better the next time around. Even in the face of mistakes and failure, the magnificent person can hold onto their belief that what really matters is to continue moving in a positive direction. They have open-mindedness, compassion, and understanding of the obstacles and hard times that occur in life. The magnificent person has a deep sense of self-love and truly believes they are deserving of good things in life. What are the positive consequences of being magnificent?

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. ~ Anna Quidlen
Transforming ones attitude from being perfect to being magnificent when faced with decisions, tasks, or goals in life can result in many positive consequences. What are these positive consequences? Increased creativity and play Perfectionists are so fearful of failure, they are afraid to be creative or deviate away from guidelines and the norm. However, people who strive to simply be magnificent in what they do will increase their Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 6

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

ability to be playful. These individuals are often viewed as being highly creative and innovative since they are not afraid to try new things or experiment with their ideas, even if the possibility of failure exists. Accepting of change and challenge The magnificent person is willing to take a risk or engage in a challenging experience, even when they feel scared or uncertain, as they welcome the opportunity to further their growth and development. If the outcome is successful, the magnificent person will gain a sense of pride. And, if the outcome is unsuccessful or not as expected, the magnificent person still experiences a sense of pride; pride that they made the attempt even in the face of fear or uncertainty, and pride that they gave it their all, regardless. Stronger coping skills The magnificent person often possesses better coping skills compared to the perfectionist due to their ability to be flexible. When an obstacle or error occurs, the magnificent person can respond to it in a healthy way, rather that react with an upheaval of emotion. The obstacle is viewed as merely a bump in the road rather than the end of the world. They also are able to use thought stopping techniques during times in which they may scold themselves or make negative comments about their performance. Rather than continue to ruminate on the negative feeling and continue to punish themselves, they quickly catch themselves in the act, change their view to one of forgiveness, and move on. Improved decision making skills The perfectionist often engages in black or white thinking and/or decision making. It is often all or nothing, perfect or not at all, to be the best or to be a complete loser. However, the magnificent person can easily see the shades of grey. They can approach a decision with the knowledge that there may be many different options or many different strategies to solve the problem. As a result, if they follow one of their options and run into an obstacle, they have the ability to back up and go down a different road, following one of their other options. Ability to follow true passions Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 7

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

The person who engages in life with the attitude of being magnificent rather than being perfect will find it easier to acknowledge their passions and follow their heart. They do not place a high value on what others think, but rather on what makes them individually happy. And when the magnificent person engages in actions that are aligned with their beliefs, interests, and passions, they quickly see how natural the process feels, with fluidity and little effort, paired with a feeling of fulfillment.

Self-Application
How many of us have found ourselves stuck in a situation in which there were choices laid in front of us but we were unable to make a final decision based on the desire to make the absolutely best decision and fearful of making a poor choice? Or unable to start a big project or task because we wanted to do it perfectly if we were going to put forth the energy to do it at all? Have you ever planned a dinner party and found yourself overwhelmed and stressed out in trying to manage and handle all of the little details to ensure that everything - the invitations, the dinner menu, the table setting, your home, the music- is just right so that your guests enjoy themselves? At one time or another, we have all been faced with situations in which our personal need to be the best, perform the best, present the best, and select the best, has created frustration or anxiety. Yet, for some individuals, it will be the self-awareness of the intensity and the frequency of these perfectionistic tendencies that will determine whether it takes on a healthy, or destructive, role in their lives. It is important for us to have standards and appropriate beliefs that are helpful and drive us as individuals to live up to our potential. An individual may spend careful time in the morning to get ready and choose the perfect outfit because it is important for them to look put together and professional at work. Someone may spend extra time rehearsing their speech the night before their presentation because it is important to them that they do the best they can, to the best of their abilities. We all have appropriate beliefs about standards of performance that serve us well. However, what we need to consider is the truth and accuracy of our beliefs when we establish our own standards, and this is a factor that can be difficult for many people. If our beliefs about certain standards become excessive, inflexible, or even inaccurate, we can run into great difficulty. Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 8

Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

Consider Student A and Student B, who both hold the belief that in order to demonstrate the fact that they are very good students who takes their studies seriously and work hard, they must achieve high grades. They have developed the belief that an excellent student earns top grades. Now imagine that along the way in their studies, both students earn a C grade in a challenging chemistry course. Student A assesses the situation with statements such as I am fine with a C grade because this was an extremely difficult course and I put forth my absolute best efforts and lots of hard work all along the way. He does not berate himself for earning this grade, as he knows that one or two lower grades among his many other strong grades will not tarnish his belief that he is an excellent student whom takes his studies seriously. He is flexible with his belief. However, Student B is devastated by this grade, as he strongly believes that there is impossible for a strong student to earn such a poor grade, and therefore, it must mean that he is not a good student after all, or that he clearly did not try his best. As a result, he becomes even more strict with the time, effort, and energy he puts into his studies. He stops engaging in several activities that he used to enjoy in order to have more time to study, and eventually grows depressed and overly stressed, as he feels consumed with having to maintain top grades. It is important for us, as individuals, to monitor and assess the beliefs we develop in regards to the standards we set for ourselves. A good starting point is to closely look at our own core values. What are the things you most value in life, and are the beliefs you are developing in line with enhancing those values? Having a clear picture of what is valuable to you will keep you connected to establishing healthy and flexible beliefs, and these beliefs will support your motivation and emotional response when faced with decisions and actions. Another important step is to clearly outline your priorities in your life. Are the standards we are setting for ourselves reasonable and in line with our top priorities in life? You may have connected family time as one of your top priorities, due to the fact that family is a strong core value for you. However, if you find yourself spending the majority of the days hours at work, slaving away at your emails, projects, and paperwork, because you believe that you will not be viewed by your company as a valuable employee, is the belief and standard you have developed in regards to your work in line with your core value and priority of family time? Our selfmonitoring of our beliefs and standards will be a constant process in our lives, as our values and priorities may slightly change or shift across time, or be dependent on our current situation. And, the acceptance that we are all Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent 9 Christine Rusnak, 2012

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simply a work in progress will help us maintain a healthy mentality and attitude toward the decisions we make and actions we take.

Reflection
What characteristics of perfectionism are true for you? If there are some, do they serve you or do they seem to work against you?

Are there areas in your life in which you hold lofty standards or demand perfect compliance from yourself? What is the result when you fail to reach these standards?

How does it feel when you make a mistake? What do you do and what do you say to yourself?

Are you ever afraid to try new things or make changes in your life? How does this influence your life, your sense of happiness, your sense of adventure, and your sense of growth?

Are there any routines that you rigidly follow? What feelings do you experience when an event or person causes a change in the routine?

Do your high standards or rigid beliefs impact or affect others in your life?

Coaching Application

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Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent

How do we embrace imperfection? What does it take to live and love from a place of worthiness? How do we cultivate what we need and let go of the things that are holding us back? The answers to all of these questions are courage, compassion, and connection. Our vulnerabilities are what force us to call upon these amazing tools. Because we are human and so beautifully imperfect, we get to practice using our tools on a daily basis. In this way, courage, compassion, and connection become gifts the gifts of imperfection ~ Brene Brown, Ph.D, The Gifts of Imperfection
People often seek out coaches in an effort to gain insight about their actions and behaviors, and for support to meet the goals they wish to achieve. As coaches, it is important for us to determine whether one of the reasons our client is having difficulty setting, maintaining, and/or reaching their goals is due to the need to be perfect, rather than live their life with a desire to be magnificent. Perfectionism may be observed in many different types of scenarios. Sarah desperately wants to start an exercise program and she believes that in order for a program to be effective and show results, one must engage in it at least five days a week. She is able to follow this routine for a few weeks but then is unable to keep up with it due to work and family demands. As a result, she finds herself quitting the exercise program all together and then getting frustrated that she cant seem to find an exercise program to fit into her life. Jenny expresses constant frustration in regards to her family, and especially her husband. She shares that although they help her around the house, they seem to do everything in a sloppy and haphazard way. As a result, she finds herself either re-doing all of the tasks or jumps in to do the task herself. Her relationship with her husband has been suffering and he constantly calls Jenny a nag. Brian, a smart high school senior, is significantly struggling in school this year due to the increased demand of writing research papers. Brian shares that he will spend days on end in the library to find all of the information possible on his topic. He finds it difficult to start writing, and then complete his writing, due to his uncertainty that he is explaining his topic in a clear way. Even once his rough draft is Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent 11 Christine Rusnak, 2012

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completed, Brian finds himself making changes and re-writing his composition several times. As a result, he often is forced to turn in his work late due to missing the deadline, and there have been instances in which he decides to not turn in his work at all because he is dissatisfied with the result. If the coach makes observations that the clients behaviors, beliefs, and/or thought process exhibit characteristics of perfectionism, the next step for the coach is to guide the client into increasing their own insight to it. The coach may consider asking the client to make a list of pros and cons of their behaviors or thinking. This process may help the client identify whether or not the behaviors or thinking are serving them in a positive or negative way. It may also open the door of allowing the client to discover whether the perfectionistic tendencies are hurting others, especially those they love. Once the client has gained insight to their perfectionist tendencies, guiding the client to modify their attitude and thinking in order to make them more manageable and in line with their core values will be an important process. Encourage the client to write down their core values and priorities they currently hold as important, as they can refer to this when an unrealistic belief or standard is encountered during the coaching session. During goal setting, it will be important to support the client to shift their focus in order to place more emphasis on the process of reaching a goal, rather than being hyper-focused on the result. As the client sets goals, with an emphasis on the process, they should be supported and held accountable for setting smaller, more attainable goals. The coach should pay attention to the language the client is using when discussing actions and goals. Attend to whether the client uses words such as must, should and have to instead of wish, want and desire, as this may suggest the client is feeling pressured to engage in these actions, which is stemming from the perfectionistic tendencies, rather than operating from a place of internal desire and authenticity. Discussion of the thoughts and feelings connected to perfectionistic tendencies can be empowering. Perfectionism is often associated with negative styles of thinking, so the coach and client may need to address a shift in thinking and feeling when assessing situations or problem solving. The coach should always keep in mind that the client is often not responding to the event or situation itself. The clients thoughts and feelings are Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent 12 Christine Rusnak, 2012

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responses to their interpretation of the event or situation. Discussion of the clients own interpretation will be a crucial step in the process. The coach can encourage the client to look for the good in things. When a statement is made in which the client notes a negative aspect to an event or situation, the client can be encouraged to think of at least five good or positive aspects. Moving the clients perspective from negativity toward a perspective of gratitude can be powerful. Additionally, shifting the clients thinking away from all or nothing and black and white thinking into a perspective can be empowering and support your client to be more flexible in their thoughts, interpretations, beliefs, and problem solving skills. Activities, such as replacing a perfectionist thought with a more helpful perspective, looking for evidence to support an unrealistic belief, or brainstorming what someone else would do in the situation, can all be supportive means of looking at alternative ways of thinking and problem solving. There are many other strategies and techniques that can address issues related to perfectionism. However, one valuable gift that the coach can give the client when faced with this matter is to support the clients selfawareness and acceptance that at the end of the day, they have the ultimate choice. They need to be guided to see that they have the power and strength that gives them the choice to decide how they want to live their life. And the coach can use one simple, but powerful, question as a springboard to tap into the clients inner strength So, do you want to be perfect, or do you want to be MAGNIFICENT?

Reflection
How will you identify the signs of perfectionism in your clients behaviors and thinking?

How can you make your client aware that they are engaging in actions due to the need for perfectionism?

How can you support your client in gaining a sense of what they REALLY want to be doing in their life, rather than what they think they are EXPECTED to be doing? Power Tool ~ Being Perfect vs. Being Magnificent Christine Rusnak, 2012 13

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What are some structures you can guide the client to put into place to minimize their need to be perfect and increase their desire to be magnificent?

What do you do if your client doesnt want to change some of their perfectionistic tendencies? Is there a way they can be used in a more healthy manner, and somehow connected to the things they would like to do to be magnificent?

References
Antony, Martin M. & Swinson, Richard, P. (2009). When Perfect Isnt Good Enough, 2nd Ed., New Harbinger Publications, Inc., California. Marano, Hara. (2008, March 1st). Pitfalls of Perfectionism, Psychology Today. Scott, Elizabeth. (2007, November 8th) Overcoming Perfection, retrieved from http://stress.about.com. Lawson, Jake. (2011, August 11th). Overcoming Perfection, retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com.

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