Power Tool Assessment Name: Helaina Aronson Date: 10/25/12 Student ID: Email: helainaaltabef@gmail.

com

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The Monkey Mind vs. the Higher Self Abstract: On the quest for personal transformation, it is not uncommon for us to traverse the vast sprawl of self judgement and doubt. Yet if we bring our self critic to light and tame what I refer to as the Monkey Mind (MM), we can move towards greater self acceptance. This radical shift of the inner dialogue is critical in moving onto who we really are and living authentically, replacing MM with the voice of the Higher Self (HS).

Definition: The Monkey Mind is an unconscious and negative messaging system that subdues our inspirations, dreams and desires for more. Because it is unconscious, when left unchecked, MM steals our power.

One way MM operates is by rehashing the past. It replays the low points over and over again, until we are used to hearing about the failure, or the guilt, or the regret, or the missed opportunity. MM repeatedly reminds us what went wrong: why we cannot succeed (Ive failed in the past) why we cannot find love (I shouldve married that one who got away, 10 years ago) why we broke up (Im too...) why we cannot write a book (Im not a writer, Im an accountant). It swings from branch to branch, looking for the next piece of evidence of our limitations. When using the past to escape the moment isnt effective, Monkey looks to the future, to create doubt and anxiety. There too, is plenty of fodder to preserve paralysis. To the notion of changing a career, the monkey says: where will you find the time, you have no time now and its not changing for the next ten years, at least. Oh, and the economy--you are lucky to even have a job. To the notion of innovation or creativity, the monkey says: it has done already, and by people smarter/younger/ more qualified than you. The monkey doesnt see the future as any different from the past or present, eliminating options that it cannot already see. In stark contrast to the untamed monkey, is the Higher Self, a more spacious, and curious narrator. Higher Self allows for more of the story and has more language than success and failure. It uses the past, collecting information and experiences as inspiration for growth and learning. It does not see mistakes as opportunity for crucifixion like the Monkey, in fact, Higher Self does not really even believe in mistakes; it is much more interested in how we choose in the future, knowing what we know now. HS It is not afraid of the moment; it works deals with the challenge at hand, and successfully staves off the temptation to look too far into the future. Higher Self is figuring it out and believes that there is more clarity and opportunity on the way even if it cannot be seen yet. The Higher Self believes that this too, shall pass.

Cues for the coach:

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It is important to identify how much hold the Monkey Mind has on a client. Under its spell, s/he is telling old stories about the past that are disempowering, wracked by self criticism, or suffering from analysis paralysis about the future. The client is so used to doing so that she is unaware of how warped her perception is. With these narratives being held as truth, it is easy to understand the stuck-ness that ensues. Below are some verbal cues, adapted from David Burnss book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and examples from my experience that are helpful in discerning the monkeys presence: All or nothing thinking-the tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme black white categories. Examples: I am always spread thin; Nobody knows how to take care of me. Overgeneralization-the arbitrarily conclusion that one thing that happened to you once will occur over and over. Examples: Why would I try exercise again? I joined a gym two years ago and never went. I cant exercise. Mental filter-dwelling on a negative detail exclusively. Example: A client who is successful, healthy, has friends and meaningful relationships. But they cannot find love. And all they focus upon is that. Disqualifying the positive. Examples: "They're just being nice." or "It was a fluke it doesn't count." Magnification and minimization- the tendency to overemphasize flaws and shrink strengths. Emotional reasoning- take emotions as evidence of truth. Example: I feel unproductive, I must be a lazy person. Should statements-yikes. Hearing the words should or supposed to repeatedly are indicators of regret and guilt. The monkey is at work here! Personalization-the assumption of responsibility for a negative when no basis for it. Everything that is disappointing is about the client, not about another person or his/her circumstance.

If the coach hears this kind of thinking, it is time for a monkey-taming project. That little guy needs a cage, quickly! Coaching application:

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In our coaching, both as clients and coaches, it is crucial that we address the Monkey in the room. Sadly, we become so used to the self-defeating rhetoric that we dont even realize that it is something that can be transformed. This change in inner monologue is essential to action because when we move from judgement into acceptance, from resignation to inspiration, we allow ourselves to entertain possibility, to recognize opportunity, because we believe that it can come to us. With the HIgher Self calling the shots, we are more open and less attached to failure because we remember that a wrong choice is nothing more than a limited perspective. Once a coach hears the verbal cues above, it is crucial for the client to experience the contrast between the Monkey and Higher Self. Within the session, the coach can select the core coaching skills to create awareness about this limited perspective. Power tools are particularly useful. If it is early on in the relationship though and there is good rapport, I would suggest the following activity because it is experiential and therefore quite powerful.

Reflection scan In a quiet, honest state, stand in front of a full length mirror as you normally would. Give your body a slow scan, starting at your feet. Watch all the thoughts about yourself arise as you travel up. What kinds of stuff comes up? What do you say? How much of it is familiar, meaning, how much of it have you heard before? Move slowly up your legs and torso, maintaining awareness. Dont push any of it away; the goal here is to simply notice. When you get to your eyes, stare at yourself. Notice if there is tension in your face. Observe how you look at yourself. Is it with love and compassion, or judgement. Pause and record these findings.

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Now, look at yourself again, staring directly into your own eyes. But imagine you are looking at the person you are most tender towards, and that they are having a tough moment. Look at the reflection as you would look at them, with understanding, spaciousness and compassion. Look at them in a way that lets them know that you think they are fabulous and that you care deeply about them, flaws and all. Record how/if your face softens. In my experiences, the results of this exercise are rattling. Clients have reported what I think of as a cold water plunge: shocking and enlivening. Even through they might have been stunned at the unconscious harshness in their gaze, surprised by how far away they were from softness, when they actually did allow that compassionate version of themselves to surface, what followed next was relief. And that lightness was breath stealing. Often a long sigh followed organically. In the next session with the client, the coach and client review the experience. After the client shares her findings, some follow-up exploratory questions like: Are the thoughts from the first half of the exercise old thoughts? Were you surprised by anything? Was there self judgement? Did you feel bad about yourself? How often do you think those thoughts? How do you think these messages affect your ability to move forward?

For the coach, it is very important to support the client in this new awareness. Particularly after this exercise, effusive acknowledgement may be more essential than ever, since the client is, in a way, seeing themselves for the first time. Bringing light to his/her bravery will provide empowerment going forward. As the sessions progress, journaling is helpful in strengthening this fledging awareness. Encourage the client to think about it as two different authors, the Monkey and the HS, that might be holding the pen in any moment; how the story is told depends entirely on who is writing. Remind the client that you are not
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asking them to tame MM in a week-that might be an ongoing process-but simply to know the difference. Once there is reason to believe that the client is growing, i.e. a shift in language and intonation, here is another exercise to move them along so that they may start recognizing the demands of the Higher Self. Burning your old story Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Allow yourself to come more into the moment. Relax the limbs, the face, the spine, fully circulating air into all the parts of your body that are experiencing tension. Fold a sheet of paper into sixteen squares: Digging deep into cages of the Monkey-the past and future- fill each square with statements that begin in the following ways: I regret... I feel badly about... The relationships that make me feel bad... The things I keep replaying in my mind... I feel guilty about the way I handled... I often worry about...

Spend a few minutes reading through the boxes and grant yourself permission to relinquish these things by calling in your Higher Self. This is powerful when done aloud; use the following statements as a guide. I forgive...
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I am ready to move on from... Conclude this with the following statement: I no longer need the things on this paper. I send them off without further contemplation. And then, in your kitchen sink or toilet, fireplace, wood stove, or fire pit, burn the paper.

By recognizing that the Monkey Minds litany of self-limiting beliefs can be extinguished, the client becomes the change agent, with transformation beginning from the inside and trickling out into action. In the weeks following this exercise, work with the client to create a vision that reflects the new internal voice, the Higher Self. Being that it responds to the present moment instead of attaching an experience to the past or the future, what arrises out of this process is the ability to choose more authentic and gentle thoughts. Conclusion: The Higher Self believes that if we continually entertain the Monkey Mind, we should not expect much change. According the Higher Self, the future is getting written based on how we respond to our lives now. When we really embrace how far weve come and all it took to get here, and have gratitude about it, then the future is expansive and rife with possibility. This perspective helps us reclaim our power, leaving Monkey Mind in the dust.

Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006