Running

head: BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER

Building Trust as a Helper Nicole Ponticorvo Rutgers University

BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER Beyond the traditional counselor functions in higher education, all functional units of student affairs require their professionals to possess some level of counseling skills. In order to effectively help students, professionals must both define and develop themselves as helpers. For student affairs professionals, [h]elping can involve assisting students who are struggling with

relationship issues, self-esteem, mental health concerns like depression or anxiety, academic and career uncertainty, and overall self-exploration (Reynolds, 2009, p. 16). During my interview with Kristin Cothran, Assistant Director for New Student Orientation and Transitions, she offered her perspective on being a helper. As a helper, Cothran approaches her students with a smile, gives them high fives and hugs and simply asks them about their day. She added, When you provide this warm sense and energy, it helps them feel confident in who they are and why theyre here, which, in turn allows for the development of the helping relationship. Through my work in student affairs, I find that a helping relation does not always have to involve a formal helping or counseling session. In contrast, I find that the most effective helping relationships I have with students are those that are more like informal friendships. Sometimes, a simple smile and hug can provide a great help to a student in need. In her work with orientation leaders, Cothran uses some core counseling skills and approaches when her students come to her for help. One of these skills involves creating a sense of trust between her and the student. In order to create this trust, Cothran shares some of her own feelings, thoughts and experiences. If you have the ability to share something thats personally connecting, then theyd feel more comfortable revealing, Cothran said. Even if the professional does not share the exact same feeling or experience as the student, any shared connection will allow the helping relationship to flourish. In this sense, Cothran noted that it is vital for a helper to figure out ways to relate to the student. While sharing is an effective tool for creating trust

BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER between the helper and helpee, the helper must be okay revealing certain aspects of his or herself with someone else. Cothran offered an example of a time when she was helping a student who was dealing with divorce and alcoholism in her family situation. While Cothran

shared her own experience with her parents divorcing because it served as a connecting element; however, before she shared this, she had to ask her self, What is it that I can share? In addition to deciding what personal experiences she was comfortable sharing, Cothran also emphasized that its not really about me; instead, its about saying enough to show that youre understanding and connecting. The helping session is about the student who has come for help. From my perspective, sharing proposes a difficult challenge for the helper. Determining how much to share requires a delicate balance that can be hard to achieve. Nevertheless, I do believe that students react differently toward me after I share something personal that connects us. Building connections through personal thoughts, feelings and experiences can substantially improve the helping relationship and create a comfortable and safe place for a student to share emotions. These connections allow students to feel that theyre not the only one feeling this way. For instance, Cothran worked with an incoming first year student during an orientation session who was emotionally bothered by one of the theater performances. This student would ask, Do you think Im crazy and Is this just me? By connecting with this student and building trust, Cothran helped this student feel less alone in her experience. Yet another integral skill for helping students within a student affairs context is active listening. According to Cothran, active listening requires the ability to listen to the student and process what he or she is saying at the same time. From my perspective, active listening is not a skill that is easy to develop, nor is it a skill that can truly be taught in the classroom or from

BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER

reading a book. Instead, active listening requires conscious effort on the helpers part to not only hear, but to truly listen and respond effectively. Working in the functional area of orientation, Cothran finds herself exerting both counseling and interview skills in her work. Before speaking with Cothran, I believed that counseling and interviewing similar skill sets, like building rapport and trust, actively listening and connecting with the student; however, my conversation with Cothran introduced me to an additional perspective in which counseling and interviewing require different approaches and mindsets. Cothran identified that while counseling involves getting to know a student in order to connect, interviewing involves getting to know a student in order to fill a position. While from a counseling perspective, interviews are considered the initial encounters when the participants first meet and collect information (Okun & Kantrowitz, 2008, p. 88), interviewing students for leadership positions require a similar approach and skill set. During an orientation leader interview, Cothran looks for and evaluates particular skill sets and leadership styles, noting the areas in which she can help the student grow and develop. In drastic contrast, Cothran approaches counseling or helping situations by creating an honest relationship. As a counselor, Cothran believes that it is about really listening to what theyre saying and saying it back to them, so they can hear it. During exit evaluations for orientation leaders, Cothran takes a helping approach. Since people, in general, dont necessarily believe the good about themselves until somebody says it, Cothran points out the greatness in her students. Counseling and helping is a vital component of the work of any student affairs professional. From Cothrans perspective, the field lacks the community to foster a positive counseling environment. If there were an open and welcoming student affairs community in which students could feel more comfortable seeking help, counseling would lose its stigma.

BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER Appendix A Professional Orientation Interview with Cothran Cothran, Assistant Director for New Student Orientation and Transitions 1. How would you say you utilize counseling and interview skills in your current position? In what ways? (OL interviews; advising OTLs)

2. What skills do you find important when helping students? What approaches do you take? 3. Do you think you can be an effective helper without being a formal counselor? How so? Would you characterize yourself as an effective helper? 4. What do you think is the difference between counseling and interviewing? 5. What role does interviewing play in your position? 6. Do you think that counseling is a key competency for student affairs? Why or why not? 7. Did you have any formal training in counseling and interviewing during grad school? Please explain. 8. Do you think its important for graduate programs in student affairs to have an emphasis on counseling? 9. Would you give me an example of a time when you counseled a student? How did you approach that situation? 10. How much do you think you should share about your own experiences in order to get students to open up to you? 11. Have you sought out any form of professional development in order to improve your skills as a helper? 12. What characteristics do you think are necessary to be a good helper?

BUILDING TRUST AS A HELPER References Okun, B. F. & Kantrowitz, R. E. (2008). Effective helping: Interviewing and counseling techniques. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Reynolds, A. L. (2009). Helping college students: Developing essential support skills for student affairs practice. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.