volume lii, issue no.

5 thursday, february 7, 2012

WHO WOULD
WALTER WHITE THE CHEM. TEACHER
ORIGIN : BREAKING BAD

WIN?
GRAPHICS BY PRESTON HARRY

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 5

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IN A BATTLE OF WIT

JAMES MORIARTY THE GENIUS PROFESSOR

But don't be scared. Falling is just like flying, except there's a more... permanent destination.
ORIGIN: THE ADVENTURE OF THE FINAL DESTINATION BY SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE Professor James Moriarty is kind of like that kid who swore revenge on you in third grade when you threw a handball at himexcept his kind of revenge involves blowing you up. Much like a grown-up Stewie with a weird obsession with Sherlock Holmes, his immense intelligence is only rivaled by the great detectives, and even then Moriarty seems to always be a step ahead.

You clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in; I am not in danger... I am the danger.

Walter White has the appearance of a loving family man who works two jobs to pay for his expensive cancer treatment. But really, hes a meth cook under the pseudonym of Heinsenberg. Thats right, Mr. White spends his evenings producing the kind of crystals thatll make your teeth fall out and then comes to school the next morning to teach kids about the nobility of gases. Poor life choices aside, none can deny; Heisenbergs clever antics are downright addictive.

HERMIONE GRANGER ...IN THE WISE WITCH

Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
ORIGIN: THE HARRY POTTER SERIES BY J.K. ROWLING Known by all as the brightest witch of her age, Hermione Granger can overcome any obstacle with a wave of her wand. While she may accuse Ron of having the emotional range of a teaspoon or remonstrate Harry for neglecting his potions homework (again), Hermione remains loyal to her friends no matter what the circumstances. And to those who are her enemies, watch outshe will not hesitate to punch you in the face.

A MAGICAL DUEL

SARUMAN THE CORRUPT WARLOCK

I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly, but you have elected the way of pain.
ORIGIN : THE LORD OF THE RINGS SERIES BY J.R.R. TOLKIEN Saruman is the classic good guy gone bad, except that hes not any sexier because of it. Originally sent to challenge the embodiment of evil, Sauron, Saruman becomes Lex Luthor-ified and desires to obtain as much power as possible. He talks like a politician, balancing his words so that the contradictory ideas seem to fit together. His white robe hides his black, black soul.

IN A SCI-FI HAN SOLO THE LOVABLE SCOUNDREL SHOOTOUT

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Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person... me.
ORIGIN: STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE A smuggler whose wit is only matched by his recklessness, Han Solo is perhaps the definition of cocky. Besides making snarky comments, however, Han Solo manages to be a great (if somewhat scruffy) hero. He wields a blaster and seems to enjoy dressing up as a Storm Trooper and pretending to work in prison blocks. Even though hes always accompanied by a hairy Wookie that makes sad noises, he gets the girl and saves the day.

AGENT SMITH THE ROGUE PROGRAM

Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure.
ORIGIN: THE MATRIX Agent Smiths hobbies include conversations with himself, appearing in other movies under the aliases Elrond and V, and destroying the human race. As villains go, he is quite the hypocrite, often referring to humanity as a virus, yet self-replicating into thousands of copies of himself to overrun the Matrix. When it comes down to it, this guy is just trying to figure out who he is on the inside... it just so happens that humanity got in the way of his self-discovery.