WHAT CAN CHILDREN SAY ABOUT THEIR PARENTS FATHER CHILD BOND BEING A PARENT: Becoming a parent does

es not come with an instruction manual for all the things you will face. It is one of the most important and difficult things you can do. It is also one of the most rewarding. To raise a child is a huge responsibility which is usually taken for granted and for which no training is required. Parenting can be wonderful and rewarding, but it can also be difficult and unpleasant. Most parents experience moments (or months or years) of feeling overwhelmed. Theres a lot of information out there about what we should do to raise good kids. Parents grow into their role, and should not expect to be perfect and have all the answers all the time. Parenting styles differ, and as long as children's well-being is ensured, the style that works best for parents is likely to make them feel more confident in their role. Most parents learn as they go, influenced by the way they were brought up, or by what they have read or watched others do. We want our children to become healthy, happy, well-adjusted, successful, honest, caring, responsible adults who will be respectful of others' feelings and property, be able to get along with others and to cope with difficulties.

PARENTS ARE MODELS: Parents are the most important people in their childrens lives. Children want to be like their parents and do what their parents do. Parents are also the most important teachers for their children; Children learn the most from their parents. Children learn things that their parents try to teach them, such as how to count numbers. Children also learn things just by watching their parents and copying what they do. In this way, children sometimes learn things that their parents don't mean to teach! Children notice every little thing. They watch their parents constantly. They learn good and bad behaviors by watching and listening and imitating. Parents are models for their child. They are the childs example of how to act in different situations. Children learn to behave like their parents.

The Impact of the Mother-Father Relationship on Child Outcomes One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is indirectfathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier.

. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more selfcontrolled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support. One of the most important benefits of a positive relationship between mother and father. Fathers who treat the mothers of their children with respect and deal with conflict within the relationship in an adult and appropriate manner are more likely to have boys who understand how they are to treat women and who are less likely to act in an aggressive fashion toward females.

Importance of Father Child Bond One of the most magical moments of the fathers life was being at the birth of his child. He wouldnt have missed it for the world. To this day, spending time with his kids continues to be one of his favorite activities. To not spend time with his children is unfathomable. In the research they asked for advice from dads who have a close bond with their children. How do I know they have a close bond? Researchers asked their wives! How do you bond with your child? In response to this question, all of the fathers answered alike. They stated that the best way to bond was simply to spend time with a child. What you do is not as important as doing something.

They divided activities up into four main areas: Physical, Intellectual, Social, and Spiritual. A balance of these four areas would result in a child having a happier, healthier life. Physical activities are the most familiar to fathers and include working around the house together, sharing a hobby, coaching an athletic team, exercising together, and going places together. Intellectual activities focus on being involved in a childs academics, participating in school related activities, encouraging hard work, and modelling yourself as a their primary teacher of life. Social activities centered on talking with children, sharing feelings and thoughts, demonstrating appropriate affection and manners, and getting to know your childs friends. Spiritual activities are used the least by dads but have the most power to influence a child. These activities incorporate reading spiritual stories together, going to church praying with children, establishing rules and order, being consistent and available, and exploring the mysteries of nature.

What is difference between the father/child bond and the mother/child bond?

It was quickly apparent from the surveys that dads have a different approach or style to bonding than moms. Dads have a more rough and tumble approach to physical interaction or may spend time in more physical activities such as play or working on a project together. Competition was also seen more in father/child bonding and was considered healthy if used in small doses and with sensitivity to a childs temperament and abilities. Sportsmanship but not necessary sports activities, was regarded as an essential ingredient in the development of a childs characters. While the approach may differ, the need for bonding with mom and dad is equally significant. One dad joked that other than a couple of biological differences (e.g., giving birth or breastfeeding) he couldnt see one as more important than the other.

Why Fathers Are Important Good fathering is hard work, but the most important kind of work men can do. The consistent and frequent presence of a father makes a powerful difference in the development and socialization of a child. Be prepared, Dad, because your stamina will be tested. Your child seems to have boundless energyphysically, intellectually, sociallyand you'll be challenged to keep up. It's an important time for you to establish a healthy pattern of involvement in your child's life. When you are involved with your son or daughter, you send a clear message to your child: I want to be your father. I am interested in you. I enjoy being with you. You and I have a relationship that is important to me.

Benefits of Dad Involvement Children who grow up with fathers who stay involved in their lives enjoy all kinds of benefits: better school performance less trouble with the law better jobs and careers better relationships with others higher self-esteem

HOW FATHERS INFLUENCE DAUGHTERS A girls father is one of the most influential people in her life, from infant to toddler to tween to teen. Learn why Dad has such a big impact on his little girls development into a strong, confident woman. What matters in the father-daughter relationship is that Dad seeks to live a life of integrity and honesty, avoiding hypocrisy and admitting his own shortcomings, so that she has a

realistic and positive example of how to deal with the world. He should try to model a reflective approach to life's big questions so that she can seek to do the same," he adds. Verbal encouragement, being consistently present in her life, being alert and sensitive to her feelings, taking time to listen to her thoughts and taking an active interest in her hobbies. "It's important to actually do these things, which can sometimes be quite challenging". Direct involvement and encouragement by her father will help diminish a girl's insecurity and increase her confidence in her own abilities.

Fathers and Sons Being a father is life's fullest expression of masculinity. But for many males, life consists of a search for the lost father. We know that raising children is the central experience of life, the greatest source of selfawareness, the true fountain of pride and joy, the most eternal bond with a partner. We know that being a father is life's fullest expression of masculinity FOR A COUPLE OF hundred years now, each generation of fathers has passed on less and less to his sons--not just less power but less wisdom. And less love. We finally reached a point where many fathers were largely irrelevant in the lives of their sons. The baby was thrown out with the bathwater, and the pater dismissed with the patriarchy. Everyone seemed to be floundering around not knowing what to do with men or with their problematic and disoriented masculinity.

Ways to Strengthen Father and Son Relationships The father-son relationship can be complex. Fathers and sons with widely different interests can find it hard to relate to one another. Sometimes dads and sons feel competitive against one another. Sometimes their male tendencies to not communicate feelings are compounded as both want a better relationship but neither one quite knows how to go about it. Recognize that sons are influenced by their fathers. Whether we know it or not, our sons learn about being a man primarily by watching their fathers. A father's influence on his son's personal development is often unseen but nonetheless real. As a young man watches his father interact with his mother, he learns about respect (or disrespect), about how men and women interact and about how men should deal with conflict and differences. As he watches his dad interact with other men, he will learn how men talk, how they relate with one another and how they deal with masculine issues. Understanding that a father's influence on his son is unmatched will help dad think more deeply about his relationship with his son and take that relationship more seriously.

Don't be afraid of a little boisterous play. Boys, especially when they were young, loved anything that was active and rough. A little wrestling in the backyard seemed to go a long way. It seems like with boys, this little bit of

wild behavior is a bonding experience. You have to keep them safe, but you can take some very small and calculated risks to give them a more physical experience. Later in life, this may translate into activities like rock climbing, skateboarding and arm wrestling. Take on a big project. There is something magical to a boy about being involved in something bigger than him. That is one reason this enjoy working with sons on their Eagle Scout projects. But these big, visible projects can really help a father and son bond. For some dads it was rebuilding a couple of car engines and putting vehicles back in operation. Some dads and sons build planter boxes, landscape a back yard, build a vacation cabin or head off on a big summer biking vacation. Whatever it is, a bigger than life project done together can create a bond that will last a long time and make memories you will talk about together for decades.

Listen to your sons Men seem in general to struggle with effective communication. They find that they always have a tendency to listen for just a minute or two before I decide what the problem is and then I go about creating a fix. Starting from the earliest ages of our sons to listen to them without judgment and without trying to fix things too soon will go a long way to building a lasting relationship. Look for opportunities to be with your sons when you can just listen. Fishing together, going to a sporting event, or taking a road trip can all be effective ways to create a listening environment. Then commit to spending only 25% of the time talking and spend the rest in an active listening mode.

Don't be afraid of the big talk. Take the time to teach your sons about sex and relationships. Being open to having these conversations will help your sons develop better attitudes about sex and girls in general. With the ever-increasing presence of sex in the media, on the computer and in conversations with their friends, you will find your relationship not as strong as it could be if we avoid talking about these difficult subjects and let them develop their attitudes about sex and relationships from other sources who may not share our values.

Focus on the positives Our children are bombarded with negative messages all around them. Just watching commercials on television will create a sense of inadequacy in our sons. They are not quite as strong, have six pack abs, or be quite as good looking as the guys they see on television. As fathers, we need to catch them doing things right and communicate our approval. We should create positive ways to celebrate their accomplishments. Feeding them constant reinforcement will help build relationships of trust and overcome this constant barrage of negativism that they confront daily.

Make one on one time.

We need to make time for individual relationships with each child. So make sure that you program some one on one time with your sons. My youngest son loves basketball, and we spent many hours shooting hoops in the driveway in the evenings after dinner. My oldest son loved debate in high school, so I learned enough to be a debate judge and went with him to speech and debate tournaments all over the state. Some of our best memories were sitting together in a high school or on the bus going to and from debate events.

Focus on the spiritual Helping a son be grounded spiritually is an important role for a father. Whatever your faith tradition, help you son understand the deeper meaning of life. If you don't have a faith tradition, help him reach for his inner self and try to have a perspective that will help him look at things deeper than on the surface. As a young man gets in tune with nature, God and himself, he will have a pattern in his life that will help him endure hardship and thrive personally. Fathers can have these conversations with their sons in a natural way as they share thoughts and feelings about life, manhood and spiritual things.

Focusing on our sons, spending positive time together and talking about life lessons, scattered with a large dose of quiet and engaged listening, will help fathers and sons develop nurturing and meaningful relationships and help our sons form attitudes which will help them develop into men in the richest sense of that term.

Prepared by: Ginger Ann I. Cataquis BEEDIII