A Father Models and Protects

Written by Dea. Ralph Poyo Tuesday, 01 September 2009

As a Father of not one but five daughters, it became evident that I was going to have to be proactive in my effort to protect my children. In my early Adulthood, there were no good books out there on Manhood or Fatherhood. I did find, however, a book written by Robert Wolgemuth entitled She Calls Me Daddy. I credit Robert for most of the material you are about to read. I knew that I was going to have to plan ahead for the times in my daughters lives that they would need direction and protection, even if they didnt want it. Robert posited the idea that I should take my daughter out on dates. This was a fabulous idea, and I set out with my wifes agreement that I need to create opportunities to take them out, one at a time. In doing this, I would be accomplishing a couple of goals. The first goal was to develop a close relationship with each of them. The second goal was to model for them how they should be treated on dates. The third goal was to actually instruct them on how to behave while on dates. For example, they needed to wait outside the car until the young man comes over and opens her door. She is not to open her own door when they arrive at the location. She is to wait until he opens the door before she enters into the building and or room. . . When we took the family out to dinner, they would observe me doing that for their Mother. (I would also open the building doors for all the girls but all the rest for just mom.) This modeling was huge in their development. It also puts you in a situation where you dont stop these important virtues after you have married your wife. Men tend to be on their best behavior during courting or dating and then once there is a formal attachment or relationship, they drop the act. That clearly identifies the behavior as an act and not a virtue that is worthy of being lived out all your life! It also communicates to your spouse that she really isnt worth your best! And, therefore, neither are your daughters. When they turn 12, I would take them out to a fine restaurant. Before the evening, I went to the jewelry store and purchased a ring that is for their wedding ring finger. It would generally have a shape of hearts and crosses on them. I would also write about a four page, had written letter, expounding on all her wonderful attributes. I would inform her that I would gladly die to protect every part of her life, and that I would do my best to protect her.

This meant that I would be there to protect her during her dating years and would require that any young man (because girls have no business going on dates with boys) who wanted to take her to a dance or other acceptable event would have to meet with me before they could go. The meeting would have to be at least the day before. At this meeting, I would thank them for coming and inform him as to why we were meeting. I let him know that my job as Father and a Man was to protect women, especially my wife and daughters. Therefore, it was important for him to understand where I am coming from and what my expectations were for him. I used Roberts excellent illustration of asking him what his favorite car was. Lets say he responded with a 65 Mustang in mint condition. I then proceed to set up the scenario that his Father purchased that car for him for his 16th birthday. One day he is at the mall and was parking far away from all the rest of the cars. As he gets out, I come driving by in admiration of this most excellent vehicle. He does not know me at all. As I drive by, I ask him to wait a minute. I park several spaces away to respect his desire for space. I approach him and ask if he is going into the mall to hang out with friends for a couple of hours. He says yes and then I give him my question. Do you mind if I take her (his car) out for a spin while he is in the mall? I promise to take great care of her, and I will return here right back her in perfect shape? Then I wait for his response. If he has any brains at all, he would respond with NO. I would ask why? Their response generally is because I dont know you and, therefore, dont trust you? My response to him is Dog, your cold! Even so, I understand your reasons. So then please understand this My daughter is infinitely more valuable than a car. Tell me why I should let you go out with her? Then, again, I wait for their answer. As you can imagine the scenario playing out, he is now forced to recognize that he probably shouldnt go out with her, unless he is really stupid! I dont want to totally crush this guy so after a moment of extreme discomfort, I let him off the hook because he had what it took to show up in the first place. Believe me, many guys wont go through the effort once they hear that they have to meet with the girls Father first. So I say something like, You can see my point, but my daughter sees something in you, and I trust her, so I am willing to move forward with this discussion. You see, I want you both to have a great time but at no ones expense. Let me explain. Then I set up another of Roberts illustrations. Let say that when you graduate from high school, you are going to go to Duke University in Durham, NC. You are going to find your future wife there in your junior year and get married

after college. She currently lives in California, and you have the opportunity to talk with me, as I play her current boyfriend in CA. By the way, I must confess that you have an excellent taste in women. Knowing that she is going to become your future wife, can I kiss her on our first date? How about after a month? How about after six months of dating can I make out with her? French Kissing? Heavy petting over her clothes? Under her clothes? We have been dating for a year, can I sleep with her? Again, if he is stupid, he is going to say yes to any of the questions. If he is smart, he has understood the point and is open for my next comment. I want you to treat my daughter as you want those guys who are currently dating your future spouse to treat her. She (my daughter) does not belong to you and is not an object to take something from. Nor are you a piece of meat to be taken advantage of as well. The knife cuts both ways. You wont see the value of that until you marry your wife and look back and wish that you had waited. I also warn him that I have trained my daughters to expect to be treated like princesses. You had better open her door to the car, restaurant or you will feel like an idiot. If she leaves the table, stand up! When she returns, stand up and get her chair again. Become the man of valor, God created you to be. My daughters first hated this process when they had to go through it, but now you must know that when my first daughter found her future spouse in college, she required him to speak to me before they could enter any formal relationship. When I questioned her request, knowing that in High School, she hated this, she replied with: Oh Daddy, I want him to be like you! I realized in that moment that I was not only the protector of my little girl, but I was giving them a model for the kind of man they would want. Gentlemen, we have a lot of personal work to do. You must be what they need you to be. So put aside the selfish desire and ask the Holy Spirit to begin to show you what areas, He is ready to help you transform. Seek the truth and live it. God will not show you any more truth until you begin to live the truth you know now! The problem is that to live the truth we currently already know requires us to die to self. Therefore, to love our wives and daughters requires us to die for love. Sound familiar?