Why corporal punishment and authoritative parenting works!

Every parent is different and has an approach to parenting that he or she feels comfortable applying when raising the children. The choice of parenting style is influenced by culture, personality, family size, parental background, socioeconomic status, educational level and religion. I support the authoritative parenting style with reasonable corporal punishment for several reasons. According to Maccoby E. (1991), authoritative parenting style tends to result in children who are happy, capable and successful. First of all, culture can influence greatly the way that parents chose to punish their children. For example, Rita, a Caucasian friend of mine from church one day told me that she never beats her daughter because she does not want to mess up her self esteem. Coming from the African background, I could not understand as the word self esteem does not even exist in my mother's tongue. I was raised knowing that when I did wrong I was punished corporal. That was clear and I knew what to expect. Meanwhile, I never questioned whether my parents loved me or not when being punished. I knew they did. Receiving a corporal punishment never made me feel less intelligent, less loved, less important, or less valued. Thus, even today, I believe that the western culture overrates the term self esteem. What I remember as a child is, when my parents punished me, it was an opportunity to learn a lesson, to come closer to them after the punishment was completed, to communicate with them, to feel their love, and to realize that they cared about me so much that they were willing to see me suffer through a punishment to ensure that I turned out to be a wise responsible adult citizen. Furthermore, I support the authoritative approach to child rearing because it provides room for tough love along with softer punishments such as timeouts or revoking privileges. Corporal punishment does not have to be violent. For example, I punish my children by not only giving them a time out, but also ordering them to kneel down facing the corner of the room where I can see them, with the two hands on their head. This is something that my parents did for me. This punishment could last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. It is physically painful but it also allows the child to stay still and reflect on the mistakes for which he or she is being punished. Research also indicates that children who are raised by parents using the authoritative approach tend to have the best chance of growing through the elementary years to become responsible, independent, successful, and positive teenager (Baumrind, 1967). My parents were authoritative and strict, but yet loving and very carrying. As an adult today, I hardly remember the times when my parents punished me, but I easily remember the times when they were especially sweet to me. The same friend from church, who once told me that she never beats her daughter, also told me your children are so different from mine. She said this when at church the children were playing very loudly and she asked them to stop with the noise. Only my children obeyed. One result of my authoritative parenting style is that I do not have to repeat instructions for my children to obey. In contrary, Rita does and she goes as far as negotiating with her children in order for them to execute her commands. This is why I believe that the authoritative approach with reasonable corporal punishment works, especially when the rules are clearly laid out and the consequences for breaking the rules are known. The condition for this to work is the punishment has to be inflicted timely, without anger, with love, care, attention, and gentleness. Baumrind, D. (1967). Child-care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75, 43-88. Maccoby, E.E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical overview. Developmental Psychology, 28, 1006-1017.