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23:45 hours Dude, shes not worth it anymore and youre smart enough to understand that. After everything thats happened, youve done all you can to set things right. This is where it ends! Yeah, I get that. But still Roshan But what Sid?! She wasnt like this in the beginning. Now its like everythings wrong! Like Buddha visited her dreams and she woke up enlightened, except without the light bulb illumination. No disrespect to Buddha. Maybe you couldnt see the light because of the sun. After all, you always met in broad daylight! Mostly, yes. So I guess youre right. So I stop being Mr. Nice Guy? Exactly! Be Customer Care. If she needs you, let her call you. Stop being her shadow. Shes got her parents for that. Youre not related to her, at least not yet. So stop caring about her like shes going to affect your life anymore. I know that sounds rude. But thats how it is. Look at it this way if a string in your guitar breaks, you either replace it or let it be. You dont sit and cry about it. You get what Im saying? The person of interest in this conversation is Ragini, my classmate from college. There was a time when Ragini and I used to be the best of friends. But like most great things, it was short lived. And now I was hopelessly trying to resuscitate it back to life. On the first day of college, I wanted to maintain a low profile. There were no classmates from school who had joined with me here so there was no possibility of running into a familiar face. We got escorted to our respective classrooms by seniors. I was at the back of the pack. Im a surveillance guy so I took the back so I could look around as much as possible on my way. My department was on the third floor. Once there, I waited as the high school pass outs in front of me scrambled into the classroom, locating seats so as to strategically place themselves away from the first row seats. Each person had a desk-chair seat ensemble, no benches. So it was an easy choice for me to occupy one of the empty seats on the first row. Once we got settled, the HOD walked in. One look at her and you would know she meant business. She looked to be at least 6 feet tall if you looked up at her from your desk. But she was no more than 5 feet 8 inches because she didnt seem taller than me once I stood up to face her, to lend my voice to the chorus of Good Morning Maam! Once we were asked to regain our seats, she began to address the turn out. There were about 70 students, and thats the last time I ever saw every single one of them inside the classroom. It was a

typical speech about the history and geography of the institution that we had so willingly chosen to become a part of. Then it was time to define and expand the three letter abbreviation of the course we had taken up Bachelor of Business Administration (B.B.A), now you know why she meant business. Then came the introductions. We got introduced to the faculty members who would be our professors for the semester. Somehow, there were only two differences between school and college. One, we didnt have to wear uniforms and two, there were no teachers, they were to be called Professor. Then we were asked if we would like to introduce ourselves. That was just a rhetorical question. They started with me, as I was the lone warrior in the first row. So I stood up to bathe in the glory of my first 5 seconds of fame. I stood up facing the professor in front me and began my four line introduction that I had been rehearsing for the last few seconds. Yeah, I knew I was going first. My name is , I began when I got interrupted. Face your friends so they can hear you, she said with a smirky smile. I dont understand how the others had suddenly become my friends without even getting to know my name. Hi. My name is Siddharth. Im from Chennai. I finished my schooling under CBSE. There! I had done it. Now I could sit and watch while the others got embarrassed the same way. So one after the other, they took their shot at introducing themselves without flashing that embarrassed smile. And then I heard her. Hi! Im Ragini. Everybody say hi! *Silence* Whats this? Im not getting any response at all! she asked, questioning the silence. That was a picture perfect face-palm moment for me. It took everything I had to stop myself. I didnt want everyone else to think of me as the guy who sat alone and slapped his forehead periodically. Sure, I wanted to maintain a low profile, but that was just for the first few days. I didnt want my college life to end without having a single friend. The first friends I ever made were Sharanya and Roshan. Roshan was one of the courageous few who had the nerve to sit beside me on the first row. Sharanya and I were bus mates. When I first saw her sitting by herself in the bus, I thought she was the silent type who liked to be left alone. She spoke with others who knew her, but I didnt take the initiative. I didnt know we had taken the same course until I spotted her on the first day. Glances became smiles, smiles became words and finally words became sentences. A lot of sentences. My sentences surprised her. She hadnt thought I was the talking type judging from the first day. I just smiled. I guess the build-up worked. I said when the topic came up. Build-up? Sharanya was a little slow to catch up. If I hadnt been as quiet as I was, you wouldnt be so surprised when I began to speak. Whats your point?

My point is, I should be able to surprise people by being unpredictable. Keep them guessing so they dont get bored with me. And also, you will never be able to label me. So Im not a stereotype. I like it when there is an air of mystery around me. I said, concluding my lecture. What do you get out of it? She asked with a frown growing on her eyebrows. Nothing materialistic. You can call it fun. I answered with pride. So all that for nothing. Waste of time. Youre just plain jobless! She said. Now the frown was gone, instead, there was a look of utter disgust. The kind of expression youd have when you waste your balance calling someone just for them to not be in the mood to talk, yet they would prefer to waste your money than leave a text. Waste of time? That is so offensive! It may sound lame in theory but it takes a great mind to actually fully understand its practical functionality. Unfortunately, youll never understand the hidden secrets of the psyche. I said, realizing a little too late that I had started to sound like a text book on psychology. Look Sid, let me tell you something I got rid of science after my tenth grade because I didnt want to put up with theories and their practical uses. So dont give me lines you ripped off from some old dusty textbook. Maybe I dont possess a great mind to be able to make sense of what you just said and Im happy with that. So you can take you psychology lecture someplace else! Sharanya snapped at me like a gator. Okay! Fine. You win. Moving on... I was smart enough to take the elaborate hint to back off.

I had successfully broken out of my low profile. It was time to unleash my true self. I now had an audience and they would have to put up with me no matter what. After all, what were friends for anyways? The next day, one of the professors was on leave so we were sent to explore the various possibilities of the library. Just like any super market, everybody was required to leave their bags outside on a shelf. The shelf looked like lockers, except it was wooden and open air. Notebooks werent allowed either. If you got high on academics and wanted to take notes, you had to bring your own sheets of paper. Once inside, I was asked to leave my name and signature along with the time stamp and the department I belonged to. The library was divided along the center. To the left, magazines and newspapers occupied the shelves and tabletops. To the right, everything from fiction to nonfiction (textbooks and guides) lined the walls. Multiple copies of the same book were stacked next to each other. Making it appear like one huge book. I decided to stay away from that area. Then I came across novels. It was refreshing to finally feel like I was inside a lending library in the neighborhood. There were books by Sydney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer, and even a few Arthur Hailey ones. These books looked like they were crying for help and wanted to be rescued from the shelf because nobody cared to pick them up. So I picked up something by Jeffrey Archer and sat down, knowing very well I wasnt going to finish it within the hour. Surprisingly, that made reading the book fun. I knew I wouldnt finish the book within the hour. I just sat there with

the book in hand, reading page after page. I didnt just skim through. I knew there were many who glanced at me and thought I was the brainy book reading type. Periodically, I would look around. Thats when I looked ahead and saw Ragini and Sharanya sitting together. They were in a hanging conversation; I could tell they werent talking about anything in particular. I thought it was time I made friends with Ragini. Shed evidently initiated the process with Sharanya. I had a mutual contact now, so I had my in. I sent Sharanya a text. Hey! She looked at me for a second, our eyes met and she flashed me a smile and went to work on her phone. Sup?? :) I never could figure out why girls can never limit their punctuations to singular. Bored! U dnt luk bord!! Sitng all alne wit dat bk in hnd :P It took me a few seconds to decipher the code. I am not very fond of short forms, unless they are abbreviations. I had to admit, shifting from dictionary mode in the book to short forms was pretty tricky. Books dont talk! Youre the only one I talk to and you left me to make a new friend! Forgot about me so soon? btw, whats her name? Intro please! :D I didnt remember her name then. But I was about to find out. Wat abt Rosh!! Isnt he ur frnd 2?? I dint frgt u, I wudn b rplyng if I hd..! Ragini. M srprsd u don rmbr her!! Id shut my book. I had something better to do crack the sms code and send suitable reply. Rosh? Hes not around right now. And its different with him. I remember her, only forgot her name. She the friendly type? You think shell talk to me? oh!!!! Y r u so intrstd sdnly?? :P Coll jst strtd n ur alrdy lukng 4 a gf!! Shes gud.. Frndly Looking for friend, not gf. Just like you are to me But of course no one can replace you! Tell her about me and ask her if shes okay with texting me. If this goes well, Ill get you a Diary Milk! :P Don try 2 butter me up wid all ur smilys!! Il ask her.. Do I hv a choice? :-/ Keep d Diary Milk rdy!! :P You are awesome! Thanks! I waited for a few minutes, going back to my book. My phone vibrated. It was a text from an unknown number. Hi This is Ragini Wow! That was quick. A smiley on the first text! This was going well. I didnt let that go to my head. I had to be cool. Nonchalant. Texts led to exchanging pleasantries in class. Then all four of us started sitting in groups. There was never a dull moment with me taking care of the entertainment while Roshan backed me up. The girls being a great audience who challenged us every chance they got. We were truly each others best friends. We didnt get in trouble with the professors either. We were part of the few regulars who took

academics and attendance seriously. Wed always be done with our work in time and always had time for chit chat while we waited for the others to catch up. So dude, whats with you and Ra.One? Ra.One was Ragini. Roshan and I always came up with code names for the people we mentioned frequently in our conversations. It was fun and no one listening to us would be the wiser. Dunno. Havent watched it yet. That was intended. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Wrong answer. Deflections wont work with me and you know it. It was worth a shot! Youre straying away from the topic. Answer. Now! Okay, what do you wanna know? Shes my best friend. Just like you and Shar. That much I know. Are you thinking about anything more than just friends with her? I could ask you the same thing about Shar. But you wouldnt. If there was something, youd be the first to find out about it because itll be me whos telling you. Im gonna take the I-can-tell-by-the-way-you-look-at-her route here, if thats why youre running around the mountain. I actually dont know why I got defensive. Im friends with her. Shes my best friend. I definitely want her in my life long term at least as a friend. Shes special in a way that even I cant get my head around. I guess thats what keeps me interested in her. So yeah, I guess I am thinking about something more. But not at the cost of losing her. It should be an upgrade, where whatever happens, I can still get back to being friends with her like always. Thats my ground zero. I dont wanna lust for something I dont have and end up losing what I could have always had. Thats a trade I never wanna make. Im not serious enough to get married to her tomorrow. But somehow, if given the chance, I think I can take it there. But for all this to even begin to work, I need to know what shes got going in that pretty little head of hers. Thats deep. But Im glad youve thought this through to the last detail and arent stupid enough to rush into it. Youve got a backup plan in mind and I can see that. Youve got it all figured out in your head and thats your advantage over the other stereotypes. Just hang in there and keep me updated. Ill keep an eye out on her reactions to you and lets do a psych eval whenever required. Cool. But this stays between us. No Shar. Not that I dont trust her. But the less people know about it, the better it will be, whether things go according to plan or not. Sure, makes sense. You know, it just struck me. Theres a similarity between me and SRK, period. I knew he was going to fall for this one.

Whats that? Ra.One was his big project I slam dunked my pj. And youre about to start on your big project. I should have seen that coming! God, you can never stop with your tumor for humor! Its in my genes man! I was born with it. This was no life changing revelation. It didnt change the way I saw things. My dreams were strictly restricted to the nights alone. Depending on when I went to sleep. In short, this wasnt love; not yet. Everything was in its place. Except that things had just gotten better. I had made new friends in a new environment. Although my friends were few and could be counted on the fingers on one hand, I was content. A wise friend for a hundred foolish ones is always better. Roshan and I were of matching wave lengths. We complimented each other in thought and action. Sharanya was the calm type. Make no mistake, she was fun. She had the gift of adapting to the situation and was almost never irritated or irritating. I wouldnt even try to start on Ragini because there was so much about her that cannot be left unsaid. Thanks to the everyday texts and every night conversations. Wed wait till both of us were done with dinner. Then it was time for the uninterrupted phone call. We would start talking in the night and the call wouldnt end until the next day (past midnight). We were each others reason for staying up, so we made up for it by being each others alarm on weekdays. I started to become omnipresent around her. Making sure everything was in order. I wanted everything to be perfect around her. It was my second nature now. I was protective but not possessive. I managed the difference somehow. I guess now you could call it love. Ragini found it sweet. From being the comedian, Id become the sweet, sensitive guy who was always there for her. Always. This didnt go unnoticed by the other two. Sharanya would poke me about it, going to town on me when she had the chance. Ragini would giggle and watch as I would come up with clever defenses that would change the topic. But with Roshan, he always got me in one of our private discussions. Ive noticed the things youve been doing lately. He began. I knew where he was headed. As usual, I tried my luck at deflecting the question. Ive been doing a lot of things lately. I knew the moment Id said that. It wasnt going to work. I cant believe youre still trying that with me. Im giving you one last chance before I take a more direct route. Ra.One? Ra.One. Roshan confirmed. I dont think you need an explanation cuz youve already figured out whats the change and why the change. So what are you getting at? That was one advantage with him. He already figured out things so

we could skip the explanations. The knack was mutual. Cut the labor and give me the baby was his all time quote whenever I began to go into too many details. I think the stage is set. Shes accustomed to your too-nice-to-be-true avtar. Before she starts taking you for granted, you have to put it out there about why shes the only subject of your ultra sweetness. Otherwise its just a waste of effort. Dont wait for her to ask for a confirmation. Thats not gonna happen. Youve got a shot now and I suggest you take it. No time like the present. Are we clear? I know theres no time like the present. But I dont wanna do something Ill later resent. I should get into hip-hop. Im in a good mood, so Ill let you live for that rhyme. You are kind, as you are brave sire. He had a point. It was time I got serious about when I was going to tell her. I was waiting for a moment of confirmation. When I would be sure that it was worth taking a risk. For now, it was in the back of my mind, that kept coming to the front when I was sitting with myself. Over the weekend, I invited her over. I wasnt too sure about whether she would agree but it was worth a shot. She agreed. Saturday was chosen. Life was simple once more and the week dragged along. It was Saturday. I did everything to look casual so people at home wouldnt start with me. They were a pain in the ass when it came to my friends, especially the girls. They would suddenly become friends of mine who would start teasing me to no end. To them, every girl I mentioned was a girlfriend. The space between girl and friend was really important. It was the subject of one of my pjs too. Hey Rosh, do you know how girl-friend is different from girlfriend? He was always the first victim. Im not gonna waste energy on that. Its gonna make me wanna kill you anyways. Whats the difference? He already had that annoyed expression. That was usually saved for after the pj was complete. A female friend gives you space, thats why theres a space between girl and friend. But the female who youre committed to will stop giving you space. Hence the single word girlfriend! I had just nailed it. That was actually a good one. Now to get you that Oscar.. He never missed a chance to steal my thunder either. She arrived at noon. She looked different. Maybe it was the pink t-shirt and dark blue jeans she wore. Maybe it was because of that smile she had that was no doubt only for me. After exchanging pleasantries with the domestic crowd, we went upstairs. This was my domain. The entertainment hub. There were three and a half rooms. The half room being the size of a balcony. One room housed the TV, The other one had the desktop PC, with an attached balcony and the third room was mostly empty. I led her to the PC room. I had two chairs set in front of the system. Yes, I had done some thinking ahead. I began with slideshows of photos I had. There were loads so it took a while. What I hadnt realized was

that she had leaned on to me and had her head resting on my left shoulder. She hadnt said anything. And it felt natural. Like it was normal. It was hard to believe that this was the first time we had been in isolation and the first time there had been any intentional physical contact. Shed close her eyes for a few seconds sometimes. She still responded verbally so I knew she wasnt sleepy. My heart rate had accelerated but I stayed calm. The last thing I wanted to do was end the moment. The moment of confirmation seemed to be just round the corner. I didnt want to take a hint that isnt there and rush things up. I was both awed and annoyed at myself for being able to hold it together. There was so much going on in my head, yet there was complete silence. It reminded me of floating on the surface of the swimming pool, with my back to the water. Once I got the balance right, I could feel myself floating in the true sense of the word. I felt like I was free falling on my back with every muscle relaxed and calm. It was peace at its highest. Thats what I felt now. Peace. I decided to give in to the moment. I leaned my head sideways on to her, resting on her slanted head. It felt like we were the human models of the Petronas Towers. I suddenly became aware of music playing in the background. It wasnt coming from inside my head so I knew it wasnt my mind. The sound grew louder and I could feel rhythmic vibrations. Thats when I realized it was my phone. Sometimes technology can ruin what could have been the best moment, had it not been rudely interrupted. Be right back, I whispered to her as I got up from the chair and stepped onto the balcony. Yeah, shes here. Cool. Ill let you know. Usual time. Okay. Bye. I was turning around, about to make my way back in, when I was stopped at an inchs distance by Ragini. She had come and stood beside me without making a sound. She seemed to be in a trance. I stood there looking her in the eyes. She looked right back at me. Isnt it supposed to make you uncomfortable when someones standing an inch from you and looking right into your eyes? I found out then that it didnt feel out of place or uncomfortable. I could do this all day long. But only if it was her. But I had to snap out of it. I still had some presence of mind left in me. Sixty seconds of silence. I held her by the shoulders, turned her to face the door, and guided her indoors. I felt like we were playing that game from kindergarten, where the children would walk one behind the other, holding onto the shoulders of the one in front. I made her sit one of the chairs. She had this cute childish smile on. Just a hint of teeth but the cheeks doing most of the work. Without a word, I headed downstairs. A few minutes later, I emerged with two identical coffee mugs. One of the common interests I shared with her was tea. A curious frown occupied her face. I returned a smile as I got closer. I held out one of the mugs, below eye level so she could see what was in it. As her eyes got to the surface, the aroma hit her senses and the result was a wide smile. My cheeks hurt when I tried to mimic the expression. We decided to watch a movie. I cleared the chairs, connected the external speakers and we were good to go. We sat on the floor with our backs to the wall. It felt much better leaning against the wall than sitting on a chair. I wasnt much of a chair person. The movie started and we got comfortable. I got a chance to stretch my legs. I got a pillow from somewhere in case one of us needed to rest our backs. For now, I had it on my lap. We watched in silence, reacting to the onscreen events with smiles or laughs. And then it happened again. She was leaning into me. It was easier for her to lean closer now that we were on the floor and there was no piece of furniture to reach across. I lowered my shoulder a bit, relaxing the muscles so she didnt hit any bony ridges. She looped her arm on my elbow and placed her hands on the pillow close to my wrist. I

was holding my breath. I didnt know why. I exhaled and loosened up. The familiar peacefulness kicked in. The movie was no longer on my mind. Now it was just images flashing in front of my eyes. My brain registered nothing. She had entered my personal space and given me an open invitation to enter hers. She was making me an offer I cant refuse. I gave in, forming the Petronas Tower model once again. In the process, I did something that was not sanctioned by my brain. I placed a peck on her forehead. Where did that come from? was what I was asking myself when she brought into play her modified version of Newtons Third law. She met my action with an opposite yet more than equal reaction. Before I had drawn back, she pivoted her head, moved an inch forward and the inevitable happened. There was no electricity running through my nerves. My body temperature did not skyrocket. There were no fire crackers going off in my mind. None of that picture-perfect-moment-in-a-movie crap. It felt real, it felt right and my mind went blank. I stopped thinking. Sid. Sid! You there? Roshan brought me back from my reverie. We were on a call. Huh? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I rambled, getting back to reality. So what happened after I called? I left you a text and you didnt answer. Left your lying phone somewhere? No man. I didnt hear the text alert. I saw your text really late. And you had already called, so Not checking your texts on time? Thats not like you at all! Did she keep you that occupied? I could tell he was already laughing. Yeah. In fact we kept each other occupied. Or should I say we occupied each other? Cant decide which one s more accurate. I was messing with his head. The joke was on him now. What? Wait. Are you saying what I think you are No! Thats not possible. Did you? Dude, youve just put some really vivid images in my head and you better start talking before I go mad! He really did sound crazy. I thought Id had enough fun. Sympathy took over. And he was my best friend after all. Whats the use? Youre not gonna believe me anyways. I was making sure he was really on the edge. Otherwise I wouldnt get the desired effect. If its true, Ill believe you. If youre lying, Ill know and you can count on it that I will hurt you. And Ill hurt you anyways if you dont say anything. Choose wisely. As soon as he said that, I knew he meant it. I didnt want to take a chance. Okay, okay! We kissed. And? And what? Im sure you didnt greet her at your doorstep with a kiss!

Youre right, I didnt. But arent you about cutting the labor and getting straight to the baby? So I thought Id get straight to the point. Im making an exception this time. Start sound! I filled him in on everything that went on from the moment she stepped in. Almost everything. I ask you to lay down a proposition and you end up sealing the deal! So what happened after the first kiss? Sorry bro! That information is Classified. All I can say is that it didnt stop there, Ill leave the rest to your imagination. There you go with the vivid imagery again! Fine. I guess this much was a bonus anyways. And as per procedure, this stays between the three of us. Affirmative. Whos the third? Ragini, dumbass! Got it. After that day, my weekdays got a lot more interesting and the nights got a lot more private. My eyes were almost always on her. When our eyes did meet, she would blush, giggle and look away, only to look at me again. This lasted a month and a half. Then things started feeling a little off. She wasnt the same anymore. I felt this distance growing between us, a distance that she began to create. And all of a sudden, she wanted to call everything off. She wanted to be just friends. It was really hard to suddenly change like that. I loved her and that meant that I wanted her to be happy. I didnt want to be the person who was the cause of any unhappiness to her. I tried to ask her the reason but she never gave me something I could appreciate as being genuine. She went from having no mood swings to being viciously irritated whenever I tried to talk to her. She would tell me she didnt have time to talk to me because she had other people to give attention to. I understood that, but stopped looking at it her way when all she did was talk to two of her girlfriends all the time in class. This would happen right in front of me. I went along with everything. Thinking that she was worth it if it went back to the way it used to be and maybe this was just a bad phase. But she showed no signs of changing back. It looked like she was a new person now. A stranger. Id had enough. I was done being taken for granted. I had always been there for her but now I was just some random guy. Roshan watched alongside me as things went downhill and underwater. He had had enough too. He couldnt watch his best friend waste his time hopelessly trying to put up with someone who wasnt worth it. I was staying over at Roshans place. The topic came up. He told me something that brought me back to my senses. It was almost midnight. Dude, shes not worth it anymore and youre smart enough to understand that. After everything thats happened, youve done all you can to set things right. This is where it ends!

Yeah, I get that. But still Roshan But what Sid?! She wasnt like this in the beginning. Now its like everythings wrong! Like Buddha visited her dreams and she woke up enlightened, except without the light bulb illumination. No disrespect to Buddha. Maybe you couldnt see the light because of the sun. After all, you always met in broad daylight! Mostly, yes. So I guess youre right. So I stop being Mr. Nice Guy? Exactly! Be Customer Care. If she needs you, let her call you. Stop being her shadow. Shes got her parents for that. Youre not related to her, at least not yet. So stop caring about her like shes going to affect your life anymore. I know that sounds rude. But thats how it is. Look at it this way if a string in your guitar breaks, you either replace it or let it be. You dont sit and cry about it. You get what Im saying? I got what he said. It was no use crying over broken strings. As long as they lasted, I made sweet music. But once they broke, they had to be forgotten and replaced. Thats what I did with Ragini. I dont regret anything that happened between us, just hoped we didnt have to end things this way. She isnt worth the high pedestal I had given her anymore. No one is worth wasting time over. Its time I got over her. Its my time to move on.

- Sudarsan Ramamurthy