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COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
All material contained herein is copyright protected and may not be copied in part or full or distributed for profit without the permission of Margie Warrell International LLC. If you would like to use any of the exercises in this book for your group or organization please contact info@margiewarrell.com
Introduction
Helen Keller once said, Life is a daring adventure, or nothing. No matter how unadventurous, timid, scared, cynical or resigned you think you are, you possess the ability to live with far greater courage than you have up until now. But not only do you have a lot more courage than you think you do, you also have the ability to live a bigger, more daring, more adventurous life and more meaningful life that is rich in all you seek. Courage has many faces and is not confined to the traditional definition involving some extraordinary feat of bravery or physical risk. The reality is that most of us do not find ourselves with opportunities to lay down our life to save another, march bravely into battle, slay the dragon or heroically respond to some unexpected and overwhelming challenge. Because of this we mistakenly assume that we dont possess the sort of courage we see in others. But that just isnt the case. The truth is that you possess no less nor more courage than the people you hail as heroes you just havent found yourself in circumstances where youve felt compelled to draw on it. Ultimately, courage has little to do with heroic acts and everything to do with the choices you make moment-by-moment, dayby-day, right throughout the course of your life. Every time an opportunity challenges you to be more than who you presently are - to take responsibility for the state of your life, express yourself authentically, act with integrity, pursue your dreams, open your heart wide to the experience of life, say no to what doesnt inspire you and yes to what does - you are acting with courage. Such opportunities to act with courage arise every day of your life. I did not write Find Your Courage! for you to get something you dont already have. Rather I wrote it to help you connect with the courage that already lies within you. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor meaning heart and so the essence of courage is about living wholeheartedly. Therefore, so long as you have breath in your body, you have all that it takes to live a whole-hearted courageous life. In fact, your life is waiting on you to do just that. Not because you might die if you dont act with courage, but because without it you may never truly live. Choosing to live without courage, giving in to your fears and doubts, will have you continue to play it safe on the sidelines of life. There you will gradually lose touch with that sacred part of your being that yearns for growth, for expression and for wholeness. At the end of the day, without courage you will fail in the only true mission you ever really have - to do the best you can do with what you have been given. Perhaps right now you arent really sure what difference that tapping into your courage will have in your life. Thats okay. What courage means for you is unique; what it can unlock is unimaginable. By connecting with what inspires you deeply, you will be able to find the courage to powerfully address those areas of your life that arent working for you, and to play a bigger game in those areas that are. With courage you will be able to reclaim the power fear and selfdoubt has wielded in your life, to boldly step into action and to stay the course toward that which tugs at your heart and brings your life a deeper sense of meaning and fulfillment. As you step beyond your comfort zone onto unfamiliar ground, new possibilities will open up for you that currently lie beyond the horizon of what you can currently see. Will it be uncomfortable at times? Sure. In fact, at times it may be terrifying. However, sometimes you are called to do what you fear most since doing so is the only way you can ever come to experience just how powerful, resourceful, brave and amazing you really are. With courage, possibility takes bloom.
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Chapter 1
The Courage to Take Responsibility
You cant always choose your experiences in life, but you always get to choose your experience of life. Only by taking full responsibility for your life can you effectively address those aspects of it which arent as youd like. You will never solve your problems by condemning them so resist the impulse to blame your woes on others. You and only you are responsible for your happiness and success in the game of life.
Part (B) Now for the fun part!! As honestly as you can answer the following questions to identify how you may have contributed to this problem or issue. Repeat the exercise for each issue you identified above:
Copyright Margie Warrell 2007
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11. Did you fail to address an issue with an employee or co-worker effectively?
12. Did you let the excuses, I dont have time, or, Im too busy, stop you from attending to other important (but not urgent) matters?
13. Did you choose not to respond to feedback from a superior about your performance?
14. Did you fail to prioritize your time and manage your commitments effectively?
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16. Did you make a high-risk decision, but failed to mitigate the risks?
17. Did you fail to ask for what you really wanted?
18. Did you trust someone foolishly or did you fail to trust some when you could have (failing to delegate to them when and taking on too much yourself)?
Relationship Specific If the answer is yes then please explain your behavior. 19. Did you allow someone to treat you continually with a lack of respect or dignity?
20. Did you choose not to confront someone about something that was bothering you?
21. Did you fail to let someone know what your needs were?
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22. Did you trust someone foolishly (despite the warning signs) or did you fail to trust some when you could have (perhaps because you were too scared of making yourself vulnerable)?
23. Did you choose to focus on your career instead of your relationships?
24. Did you walk away, withdraw or give up instead of staying to express how you felt?
25. Did you fail to truly listen to someone to gain a better understanding of their perspective?
26. Did you withhold love, affection, time, attention or information from someone that undermined or damaged your relationship with them?
27. Did you lose your temper or say something intentionally to hurt someone?
28. Did you fail to apologize when your behavior caused hurt?
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29. Did you choose to go with the crowd when you knew it wasnt the right thing to do?
30. Did you make a decision in the heat of the moment that caused a lot of damage?
Money Specific If yes then please explain. 31. Did you jump into something without enough thought or properly assessing the risks?
33. Did you choose to not make an investment or sell funds that were profitable for others?
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35. Did you spend money you didnt have (or someone elses money) for short-term gain?
36. Did you fail to take corrective action when things started to go off the track, hoping it would just get better?
In summary, write down the key issues in your life for which you have failed to take full responsibility and describe the negative impact that has had on you.
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Chapter 2
The Courage to Live With Integrity
Placing integrity at the cornerstone of every decision you make, requires doing what is right above what is convenient or politically expedient. At times this means veering off the safe easy path onto a riskier one. There are many paths you can follow in life, integrity is the only one upon which you can never get lost.
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Whom are you failing to be honest with? What are you not speaking up about that is undermining your relationships?
Are you treating people with a lack of dignity and respect? Are you saying things behind peoples backs that you wouldnt say to them in person? Who? What?
Are you saying things you think people want to hear even though you know you are being untruthful? Or are you holding back saying important things that people need to hear because you dont want to face the consequences of being honest? What are you doing (by your action or your inaction) in your relationships that are hurting another person? Do you say things knowing they will be hurtful?
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Health & Wellbeing Do you treat your body the way it should be to stay in good health? Do you regularly consume an excess of alcohol, drugs or other substances that are damaging?
Do you take the time to exercise? Do you eat foods you know will nourish your body?
Do you seek medical attention about health issues that concern you?
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Are you engaging in dishonest or unethical behavior with your money or with someone elses money? Are you using money to manipulate someone?
Do you feel good about the amount of money you are giving to those less fortunate than you?
Commitments Are you a person of your word? Do you honor your commitments fully?
Does what you are committing to on a daily basis reflect what you are most committed to in your life?
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Do you fulfill your commitments and responsibilities properly and on time? If you cant keep a commitment or fulfill a responsibility, do you let people know immediately?
Do you say yes to requests you know you arent going to follow through on?
Are you generally punctual? Do you get back to people when you say you will? Are you someone others know they can depend on? When cant you be depended on?
Do you sometimes fail to say no when asked to take on an additional commitment that will mean compromising an existing one (even one to yourself)?
What You Are Doing with Your Life Are you being the kind of person you really want to be? If not, describe the gap.
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Is there something that you would love to be doing with your time, energy and talents that you are not? What is it?
Are there aspects of your life in which you feel dissatisfied or resigned and are doing nothing about? What are they?
What must I do to feel good about how I am spending my energy, my talents, my time... my life? When am I going to do this?
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Chapter 3
The Courage to Challenge Your Stories
You do not see the world as it is, but as you are. You do not own the truth, just your version of it. Have the courage to question your assumptions and beliefs and open your mind to alternative perspectives. Doing so will open up new possibilities freeing you to make new (and better!) choices that will lead to better results in every area of your life.
3. Life Balance
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8. Direction of Future
(B)
Then write down the reason why you are in this situation, for each of the issues youve listed above. Here are a few examples of what clients have come up with whilst doing this exercise: Career: Im not happy in my job because I am not recognized for my hard work and talent. Why? Everyone in management is too busy looking after their own careers to bother with mine, and since the restructure everyone has too much on their plates to notice what Ive got on mine. I cant really blame them for not having enough time to focus on me. Health and Wellbeing: Ever since I had my two children, Ive been unable to lose the extra weight. I just hate feeling so flabby and just squeezing into my pre-baby clothes, but I dont want to go out and buy new ones. Why? Its near impossible to getting out the door much less to the gym with a young baby and a toddler because they take turns napping all day, and I just havent got enough energy. Finances: I seem to not be getting ahead financially and that is really frustrating me. Why? I never have the time to sit down and figure out how to better manage my money or structure things for taxation purposes. Im just so busy with my job, and then, when Im not working, too busy with my family and other commitments to get around to it. On top of that, I dont know a trustworthy financial planner. 1. Health and Wellbeing
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3. Life Balance
6. Recreation/Social life
8. Direction of Future
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Chapter 4
The Courage to Dream Bigger
You can never have your dream life unless you first find the courage to ask yourself What do I really want? Dare to create a vision for your life that is bigger and more meaningful than the one youve had until now - in your relationships, career and life in general. The greater danger is not that your dreams are too lofty and you fail to reach them, but too small and you do. Your life is as big as you dare to dream it!
2. With whom would you have relationships and what would those relationships be like?
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9. What would your ideal day look like? Describe how you would start, fill and end each day.
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10. Write down at least 20 things you would be doing (or planning to do) if you were living your dream life?
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Chapter 5
The Courage to Be Yourself
In a world that pressures for conformity it takes courage to be who you are. Give up the never ending quest to impress and express yourself authentically in every relationship and in every encounter. When you fail to be authentically yourself you keep from others that which make you most attractive; when you conform all you have to offer others is your conformity. Be genuine, humble and, unpretentious but most of all, just be yourself. There is nothing more attractive.
Now Id like you to think about how the people in each of these different groups would perceive you, or put another way, how you show up on the radars for people from these different groups. In which groups are you: more guarded and cautious? more funny? more serious or conservative? more relaxed? more open? more quiet?
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Once you have finished just reflect on where there are inconsistencies in how you are among these groups that would have them perceive you differently. Think about what it is that stops you from being more yourself with the people in these groups.
Now, imagine that you are being very expressive in what you are doing, in what you are saying, in who you are being and even in what you are wearing which causes them to respond in a way that makes you feel their judgment or disapproval. What do they do or not do? What are they saying or not saying that is upsetting or hurtful for you or just makes you feel uncomfortable? Write down the feeling:
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Now put down your pen and feel the sting of their judgment or their rejection. What is going on for you inside your head? What are you saying to yourself? Where is that feeling of being rejected manifesting in your body your stomach, your chest, your throat? Just sit there and stay with that feeling that you absolutely do not want to feel. Take a deep breath and breathe into the spot that you feel it in your body. Stay with it. Keep breathing long deep, slow breaths right into that spot and dont stop until the feeling has loosened its grip. If you find your mind wandering (a self-defense mechanism to protect you from feeling the discomfort these feeling conjure up in you), bring it back to the scenario again. Just stay there breathing deeply and resist doing anything else until you feel you have really sat with this feeling. You will know you have done this when you bring the picture into your mind and it does not produce the knot in your stomach or whatever sensation that it did previously. This is a sign that its power has diminished. You can now imagine something not going how you would like it to go without it literally tying you up in a knot. Once you are finished with your breathing, pick up your pen again and write down how you would feel if you were no longer afraid of rejection or disapproval from this person or group of people.
If this exercise becomes too difficult for you to do properly by yourself consider engaging a trained professional to help you with it. You may also need to repeat this exercise several times before you are able to get to the real core of your fear (obviously our deepest fears have the most power and so take the greatest effort to overcome). The purpose of this exercise is not to make the fear disappear (there are some fears you may never overcome), rather it is to quash its power to keep you from expressing yourself freely and find the courage to just be who you authentically are no acting! This exercise can also be helpful in addressing any of the many doubts and fears that arise as you begin to find the courage to take action in the various areas of your life.
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Find Your Courage! Workbook Exercise 5.3: What Are You Trying To Prove?
Read through the following descriptions and as honestly as you can ask yourself if you ever feel the need to prove to others or impress others with each particular trait about yourself. You will almost certainly recognize people you know (or have met) in the descriptions to some extent, but the greater challenge is to see if you can recognize yourself in any of them. Be really honest with yourself and, if youre up for it, ask someone else who you feel would be honest with you to read through this list and see if they feel any descriptions apply to you. Remember, often other people can see in us what we cannot see ourselves. Note down whatever comes up for you in relation to each, from people who trigger this behavior to emotions that give rise to it. Do you sometimes find yourself either wanting to convey a general impression, prove yourself or impress others with Your Brilliance? Do you really love having people acknowledge you for how smart and clever you are?
Do you often say or do things that will make people aware of your brilliance?
Do you go out of your way to make sure as many people as possible are aware of something clever youve accomplished?
When people compliment or praise you, do you reply with a self deprecating comment that undermines their compliment?
Do you go out of your way to make sure no one would think of you as egotistical (or as we say in Australia up yourself)?
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Your Super-Humaneness? Do you always try to fit more into a day than most ordinary human folk do and feel very proud of how little sleep you can live on?
If youre a mother whether working or at home - do you love it when people call you a Supermom?
Do you like to let other people know how much youve been accomplishing and how youve become a complete master of multitasking?
Do you often just casually drop into conversations things that youve been up to, regardless of their relevance to the conversation, in an effort to have people oooh and ahhh about how amazing you are?
Your Ditziness? Do you like people thinking of you as a someone who is a little silly, nave, helpless or a bit of a ditz?
Do you often carry on about how stupid you are to explain something you did that wasnt smart?
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Do you often talk about how youve been looking after others with the implication that youve selflessly put other peoples needs and wants ahead of your own?
Do you feel guilty when you do something just for you? Does the idea of being really selfless and martyr-like appeal to you?
Your Coolness & Relaxed Nature? Do you love everyone knowing how incredibly cool and laid back you are?
Do you avoid showing emotion and like to share with people how much you dont get stressed about things?
Do you sometimes find yourself talking/bragging about things that validate your super cool/relaxed personality?
Do you avoid being around people when you are feeling stressed so as not to blow your cover?
Do you often pretend to not care about things when you really are feeling worked up?
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Do you like to brag about how you scared someone or how someone was really intimidated by you?
Do you tend to share with people situations in which you responded aggressively?
Do you like the idea that people would know better than to cross you?
Do you like the idea that people might be intimidated or scared by you?
Your Status? Do you like people to know how successful and important you are?
Do you look for opportunities to drop something in a conversation that makes others aware of your accomplishments, status or family background?
If you hold a position of power or authority, do you like people to know about it so they can admire you for it?
Do you like to have external signage (e.g., from the easy to read label you have on your clothes, handbag, glasses, car or briefcase) that conveys to the world just how successful, affluent or important you are?
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Do you love the idea that people think of you as a bit alternative or quirky?
Do you work very hard at having people know that you are a non-conformist and ensure that everything about your way of being supports this?
Your Friendliness? Do you like to feel popular and regarded as a very sociable friendly person?
Do you often go out of you way so that other people will see how friendly you are and notice how many friends you have?
Do you feel the onus is on you to make conversation when you are at a social gathering where people arent really mixing well?
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Your Sweetness? Do you like people to think of you as being one of the most thoughtful people they know?
Do you speak with a sweet voice and find it hard to raise your voice (even when appropriate to do so)?
Do you often mention in conversation about how you cooked a meal for a sick neighbor, nursed a stray cat back to health or left little notes for your husband/kids in their lunches?
Do you go out of your way to be a nice person to earn the nice person seal of approval?
At some point in our lives we all want to prove ourselves on some level. If you still feel a need to prove yourself, then let me ask you this: Who would you be like if you did not care what people thought of you? I know for sure that, regardless of your answer, once you begin to express yourself more freely, to speak your truth more openly and to be yourself more fully, your need to prove yourself to others will gradually begin to diminish. The reality is that as human beings there is always an aspect of ourselves that yearns to be admired, appreciated, respected, loved and prized by others. These are not attributes of only the needy or insecure. But even though our need to prove ourselves or please others in some way may never completely vanish, by starting to become more conscious of how much we are allowing this need to drive our words, our actions and who we are being in the world, we can reclaim the power it has had in our lives. By continually asking yourself the question: Who would I be if I did not need to prove myself or impress people right now? you can begin to close the gap between who you think you should be
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Find Your Courage! Workbook Exercise 5.4: Removing Your Limiting Labels!
In this exercise write down at least 15 words that you would use to describe yourself. You may write more if you feel like it. Dont censor what you write; just write down whatever words come into your head, good and not so good alike.
Now go through your list and underline any of the words you feel actually limit your ability to do the things youd like to do. For instance, when I asked a client of mine to do this, her list looked like this: Kind, thoughtful, timid, reliable, unassertive, procrastinator, hard working, organized, responsible, friendly, lazy, honest, caring, indecisive, helpful, guarded, cautious, wary untrusting. Now rewrite the list of words that describe you, but this time leave out the words which you underlined above. For instance, my client rewrote her list as: Kind, thoughtful, reliable, hard working, organized, responsible, friendly, honest, caring, helpful.
Rewrite the list a third time, but this time go even further. At the beginning of the list I want you to write I am and insert the positive words you listed above. Then at the end of your list write and every day I am becoming more and insert the opposite words for whatever negative words you underlined above. For instance: I am kind, thoughtful, reliable, hard working, organized, responsible, friendly, honest, caring, helpful, and every day I am becoming more trusting, open, confident, assertive, action- oriented, decisive, and energetic.
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From now on, if you begin to act differently when you find yourself wondering what everybody thinks of you, think about what your newly configured everybody will think. These people will be courageous in their own right, self-expressed in their own way, and fully encouraging of being the same. By doing so, you will find the courage to allow your personality to overcome the intimidation youve experienced from the personalities of others.
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When you find an affirmation that really resonates with you, write it down on index cards and place them strategically around your home, car and office so that you will see them throughout your day. At first, you might feel like a bit of a geek doing this, but hey, what do you have to lose? Just get over yourself, stick them up and stick at it for at least a few weeks.
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Chapter 6
The Courage to Speak Up
The quality of your relationships is determined by the quality of your conversations. Dare to express your concerns, give voice to your feelings and to ask for what you really want. Dont choose the certainly of never addressing an issue or fulfilling a need over the possibility that you may have an awkward conversation or a request declined. What isnt talked out gets acted out as unresolved resentments fester. Speaking up in ways that honor dignity will build more meaningful and rewarding relationships.
Disrespected
Resentful
Misunderstood
Put down or less than - like your opinions, your feelings and you dont count
Now with your list in front of you, I want you to read aloud these two affirmations: 1. I take full responsibility for being allowed to be treated as I have.
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Exercise 6.2: Mastering Powerful Requests To Get What You Really Want
Whether you feel like you have more on your plate that you can handle or youre simply someone who struggles to ask anyone for anything, take a minute to think about what requests you could be making that would help bring more of what you want into your life. Answers these questions: 1. What is someone doing that you would like them to stop doing or do differently?
2. What need do you have that is not being filled? Who can help to fulfill it?
3. Is there something you dont enjoy doing that you could be delegating or outsourcing to someone else?
4. Now, write down a request you could be making of someone specifying exactly what would you like them to do and when? For example: Son, can you please put your laundry away before dinnertime? Susan, could you please take on the monthly sales analysis and prepare a summary report for me by the 15th of each month? Boss, I would like to discuss opportunities for me to move into a position of greater responsibility. Can we schedule a meeting sometime this month?
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Chapter 7
The Courage to Take Action
Nothing changes if nothing changes. Trade resignation, procrastination and excuses for a commitment to being a person who will do whatever it takes to make the changes and take on the challenges that inspire you. Life rewards action so whatever the risks you face in your endeavors, the greatest risk is to take none at all. Fear regret more than failure. People fail far more from timidity than they ever do from over daring.
the physical state of your home (something youve been meaning to fix or update, but you just havent gotten to)
your finances
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2. Write down what you fear might happen if you chose to take action toward your goal. Describe your ultimate catastrophic situation in as much detail as you can muster (e.g., my business will fail, I will be left homeless, I will look like the town fool, etc.)
3. Write down what you would do if it began to appear that things were not going as you had intended (e.g., downsize your home or car, get a second job, cut down your expenses, etc.).
4. Using the Law of Averages (LOA), write down the likelihood of your worst-case scenario actually coming to fruition. Rate it on a score of 10 - with 10/10 being extremely likely and 1/10 being extremely unlikely.
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Chapter 8
The Courage to Persevere
Resist succumbing to resignation in the face of adversity. Any goal worth pursuing will require its share of determination and perseverance. Mistakes dont define who you are; they are merely part of the learning process. Stay connected with what tugs at your heart remembering that it matters not that you reach the summit, but that you had the guts to embark upon it. Your aim, if reached or not, will make great your life.
Who will you ask to help support you in accomplishing your goals or dreams? When? Its up to you how many people you recruit, but I suggest at least two and ideally three or more. That said, if you only have one person then begin with them and then work at finding another so you arent totally dependent on them to cheer you on.
When will you have a conversation with them to ask for their support? Schedule a time to talk to them. Let them know how youd like them to support you. Maybe there is a goal they would like to achieve and you could create a buddy system to keep each other in action mode. If you dont regularly see or speak with them in person, then schedule a weekly or monthly phone call or a time for coffee to catch up.
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Find Your Courage! Workbook Exercise 8.2: Turning Hindsight into Foresight Making the Most of Your Setbacks
Many times whilst growing up I heard, Its not stupid to make a mistake. Its only stupid to make the same mistake twice. The best way to make sure you dont make the same mistake twice is to reflect on the choices you made that produced the result you didnt want, and learn from them. Anytime you feel that you have made a wrong turn and landed somewhere you didnt want to land whether in your career, relationships, finances or any area of your life take the time to honestly answer each of these questions: 1. What did I do that produced this result?
3. What factors did I not give sufficient consideration to that would have changed the choices I made and actions I took?
5. How can I apply what I have learned to help me deal more effectively with current and future challenges?
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Chapter 9
The Courage to Say No
Sometimes you need to say no to the good in order to make room for the great. Finding the guts to say no first requires first being clear about what you most want to say yes to. This will empower you to rise above your desire to people please, to set boundaries and honor priorities when being pulled simultaneously in conflicting directions. Saying no may never be easy but the rewards that flow from honoring what is most important to you ensure that it will always be well worth your effort.
Life Balance
Social life
Recreation/Travel
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Spirituality
Community
Education/Skill Set
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I could..
I could..
I could..
I could..
I could..
I could..
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Chapter 10
The Courage to Live With an Open Heart
Lifes deepest fulfillment comes from being as open to experiencing its pain as deeply as its joy. Only by letting go anger, granting forgiveness and making yourself vulnerable to others and to life can you ever taste the richness of connecting with others openly and compassionately. Find the courage to lower your defenses, reveal your humanity and make yourself available for others to truly know, love, care for and connect with. Nothing is more nurturing to the human spirit.
If you are willing to offload your anger and forgive these people and in so doing, lighten the load on your heart, then make a decision about whether you wish to do this in person or through a letter. Speaking to someone in person (if that is possible) can be extremely powerful and very healing, particularly if you are still in a relationship with that person (i.e., your mother, father, former spouse or child). What you say is up to you but remember, its not about justifying your anger but letting it go. Obviously you dont always have the choice of speaking to someone in person because they are either no longer alive, you do not know where they live or because you really just dont want to be in contact with them. Thats okay. Even just the process of putting pen to paper and writing a letter can be a powerful way of releasing years of hurt, resentment and pain. Its completely up to you what you do with this letter (you may like to send it out to sea in a bottle or burn it!) and its up to you what you say in it. However, Ive drafted a sample for you that may help you in figuring out what you want to say. I wish to forgive you. From today onward, I am leaving the past in the past and making a new choice for myself. A choice to give up the resentment and anger that has weighed me down for so long. For too long. Beginning right now, I am starting a new chapter in my life that is unencumbered by the bitterness I have felt toward you. A chapter in which I am fully available to give and receive love and deeply grateful for the opportunity to create for myself a life that is filled with possibility for what I can do and who I can become.
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Find Your Courage! Workbook Exercise 10.2: Opening Your Heart From Fear
1. Describe the kind of relationships you would ideally love to have in your life. They may be with people you already have relationships with or they may be with people you have yet to meet. Describe the way you would like be in those relationships if you were completely comfortable with being open, intimate and vulnerable.
2. Describe the fears you have that you feel may be hindering your ability to develop the type of relationships you just described. Put down in detail what it is you would really hate to have happen if you did allow yourself to be really open, intimate and vulnerable with another human being (whether a specific person or people in general). What is it you would be most afraid might happen to you if you began to really live with an open heart and become more open, more intimate, more connected and more vulnerable to others?
3. Reflect on the price you will pay in terms of the quality of your relationships if you allow your fears to keep you from opening up to others. Then write down yours answers to these questions: a. How will it impact your existing relationships?
b. How might it limit the relationships you could develop in the future?
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4. Finally, if you are committed to living with a more open heart, write a statement of intention that says as much. It could be something like this, It is my intention to be a more loving, open and warm person. Or, It is my intention to allow myself to become more vulnerable to others and more available to making more meaningful and intimate relationships. Just put down whatever resonates for you. Then stick your intention somewhere where you will see it regularly. Whenever you do, just say it to yourself. In particular, when you find yourself about to go into situations where you will be interacting with other people, repeat this intention to yourself.
5. Who are you going to share this intention with? It doesnt matter who it is your mum, your son or daughter, sister or brother, spouse or friend. By verbalizing your intention it will make it more real and help you to hold yourself accountable on an ongoing basis to fulfilling it.
It takes a lot of courage to begin sharing aspects of yourself with people that you have not revealed before and to connect with people more intimately. Obviously if it were easy for you to do so then it wouldnt be a courageous act in the first place. So dont be hard on yourself if you find yourself with a knot in your stomach, feeling very awkward, hesitant or completely terrified. Your fear is natural. Truly! Just get present to that physical sensation (after all, it cant hurt you), take a deep breath, resist the urge to close up and revert to the old, familiar guarded you and reveal yourself anyway. Even if you just share with one person initially, it is still a significant step forward in creating more meaningful, rewarding relationships and experiencing more love in your life.
Copyright Margie Warrell 2007
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Find Your Courage! Workbook Exercise 10.3: Connecting with Your Sadness
Take a moment to reflect on the times when you have felt most sad. Some things you may still feel sad about, others you may have long since almost forgotten about. But whatever comes up in your memory, write down in the space below. I suggest you begin with your childhood years, then move on into your adolescence, through to your late teens/early 20s, into your 30s and on to the age you are now. Dont censor what you write just recount times in your life where you experienced a loss of some sort that made you feel sad. It may be a loss you are feeling right now. I want you to really let your pen flow and let any tears come with them, and as they do just sit there with your sadness and let it be. The following questions may be helpful to you as you try to recollect times of sadness. Did someone you love die or move away? Did you lose a friendship with someone you cared about? Did you find yourself feel unloved, rejected or betrayed by someone? Did you miss out on an opportunity to share or participate or enjoy something that is now gone forever? Did you miss out on a chance to tell someone you cared them or to express your love? Did you do something which hurt someone damaging trust in a relationship that never recovered? Did you lose years of your life not enjoying a relationship with someone you would have liked to?
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Chapter 11
The Courage to Let Go
Happiness comes through giving life your best whilst simultaneously detaching yourself from the outcome of your efforts. Put your faith in the wisdom that created you, trusting that within you is all you need at any moment to take on the challenges life presents you. Give up trying to be perfect and resisting what you cannot control. Going with, rather than against, the flow of life makes you available to enjoying the present. Finding the courage to let go will not impede your ability to achieve your goals and dreams, it will enhance it. For when you hold on control you bound possibilities, when you let go you unleash them.
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Chapter 12
The Courage To Be A Leader
Leadership is not about position, status or authority. Its about choice. Every day you have opportunities to be a leader to positively impact the people and world around you. Dont sell yourself short - you are capable of more than you think. Only by finding your courage to pursue your own dreams and fulfill your unique potential will humanity, as a collective, find its courage to lead the world into a future filled with possibility and opportunity for all to fulfill their individual potential. You have the power to make the ultimate choice about whether to let the world influence you or to go out and influence the world!
Exercise 12.1: Everyday Acts of Courage To Being The Leader You Are
Every single day of your life in your family, in your community, in your workplace - you have the opportunity to be a leader. By tapping the power of choice and making a conscious decision about how you will respond to your circumstances moment-by-moment, day-by-day, throughout the course of your life you can live the life of courage to which you aspire. The question is, as you are confronted by each challenge, which path will you choose? By constantly reflecting on the questions which relate to each of the following acts of courage you will expand the impact that you are making on the lives of those around you, and in so doing, fulfill your own unique leadership potential. Am I taking full responsibility for every aspect of my life right now? Reflection: Where am I complaining about something, but have no intention of doing anything about it? Where am I blaming someone else for a problem and failing to see how my actions have contributed to it? Where have I been claiming to be completely powerless in specific situations? Where have I not taken responsibility for my role in the circumstances and instead made excuses for why things arent working out in my life as well as Id like? What is one thing I could do today that would make a difference in my situation?
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Where do I have stories that are not serving me? Reflection: Which aspect of my life do I feel stuck or which would I like to be working better? What assumptions and beliefs do I have in this area of my life that I could be challenging but havent? Why is it that I am so reluctant to view my situation or life from an alternative perspective? What evidence is there that refutes my story about a person or situation or even myself? If I were to approach one of my current problems or challenges from the perspective of someone I admire how would that shift my approach?
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Where am I not expressing myself authentically? Reflection: How have I been trying to impress others and convey an image about myself to them? If I did not have a need to prove myself in any way to anyone, how would that alter how I was around people at work, socially, in life? If I wasnt so concerned about what people would think, how would I change what I say, wear or do? What aspects of who I am have I been hiding? What aspects could I reveal more? With whom could I be more open and authentic in my life today?
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What actions do I need to take to move me forward to the goals that inspire me? Reflection: Where am I procrastinating about doing some things I truly want to do? In what specific areas of my life is my fear of messing up or not having what it takes preventing me from giving it a try in the first place? Where have I interpreted a mistaken action on my part as meaning I was a failure as a person? What actions may I regret not taking 5, 10 or 30 years from now? What actions could I take today that would move me one step closer toward a goal that inspires me?
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What do I need to be saying no to? Reflection: What commitments have I made that dont touch my heart and ignite my spirit? In what areas of my life have I consistently been putting the needs of others ahead of my own? What aspect of my life is heading in a direction I no longer wish to travel? What have I been saying yes to only because I think I should not because I really want to? Starting today, what can I begin saying no to?
Where am I avoiding emotions of vulnerability, sadness, fear and anger? Where could I be opening my heart more fully to others and to the experience of life? Reflection: In what areas of my life am I afraid to show my vulnerability to others? In what circumstances have I failed to be truly intimate with people? What is it that I am afraid of? What issues do I feel resentful, guilty or sad about that might be undermining how open and loving I am in my relationships? Where am I not being very loving in my life? Whom could I be more open, loving and encouraging toward today?
Copyright Margie Warrell 2007
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Where do I need to let go and what do I need to lighten up about? Reflection: Where could I enjoy experiencing more ease and less angst in my life by giving up resisting what is? In what specific situations am I trying to force an outcome? Where have I not been taking a big picture perspective in life and instead, been preoccupied with the small stuff? In what areas of my life could I ease the pressure I put on myself by not having to have everything lined up just perfectly? Where am I failing to trust in my ability to handle things fully? Where could I benefit from embracing more of a spirit of adventure? What person or circumstances in my life can I be fully present to for today?
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Courage Prayer
There is a light that beckons you forward and it comes from within you. Embrace it. Dont try to hide in the shadow of fear it casts behind you. For if you are committed to finding the courage to live with an open heart there is no greater way to love others, or to love yourself, than to fulfill your unique potential, to express your unique greatness, and to become the unique leader you have it within you to become. Finding the courage to be a leader, and touch the lives of others in ways that only you can do, is the most profound act of love, and service, and significance. Dare to want more from your life and to dig deeper into yourself to experience its mystery, its richness, and its sacredness more fully. For when you do so you will see with greater clarity just how universal we all are. And sensing that we are all part of a bigger whole, you will come to know, perhaps for the first time, that your life is truly holy, and that it is not just your responsibility to honor the sacred within you, but your obligation. This is the truth that speaks from my heart. I invite you to open yours to receive it. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. Mother Teresa
Copyright Margie Warrell 2007
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