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E-Dating and the Online Gaming Community

Melissa S. Kimble Ethnography 4/9/2012

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Table of Contents

Abstract

3-3

Introduction

3-3

Methods

3-5

Findings

5-10

Discussion and Conclusion

10-12

Acknowledgements

12-12

Index

13-15

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Abstract
This study is on the prevailing attitudes surrounding E-Dating in the online gaming community. E-Dating in this particular community is something that merely emerged as a byproduct of individuals spending time together. This makes the study significant, because MMOs (Massively Multiplayer Online Games) and MUDs (Multi-User Dungeons) are not created with the direct goal of fostering relationships other than those directly related to the game itself. A game is selling itself as a standalone product, while an MMO or MUD is selling the ability to play against or with a community that revolves around the game itself. By providing an inside-view of this emerging community, we can better understand what it is that drives people to play. Is it mostly for the game itself, or is it more for the social aspect and what that entails? Digging into the prevailing attitudes surrounding E-Dating, we can see just how the player-base feels about those who are adapting their Game play into Social time, and seek to discern what the source of these attitudes are.

Introduction
During the first few weeks of brainstorming, I watched random dry topics fly at me, but as they flew toward me they failed to take hold and continued past. It wasnt until the discussion of Minecraft that I had a little bit of an epiphany. Why wouldnt I approach a field of study that I am already thoroughly imbedded in? The serendipitous nature revolving around a newly launched game, another fading in fame, and yet another unheard of gave me a unique opportunity to delve into the underworld of online gaming. Online multiplayer gaming has been the backdrop of my life for as far back as I can remember and online dating has always existed along side it. Not, of course, the type of online dating that you may find on a website purely dedicated to matchmaking, but the act of becoming romantically involved through an online gaming community. The prevailing attitudes surrounding e-dating in the online gaming community has been something of intense interest since the early beginnings of my gaming career, and is also my focus for this ethnography. For this monograph I plan to entail to you my findings based on surveys, interviews, participant observations, and observations on what the overhanging perceptions of e-dating from the online gaming community are, and how they compare to individual testimonials.

Methods
Prior to conducting my study, I had to first be approved through CITI by enrolling into Social & Behavioral Research and submitting my completed coursework with a research proposal to the Institutional Review Board (IRB). I also acknowledged that I have read the Code of Ethics of the American Anthropological Association.

Kimble |4 My study began by creating a topic on shatteredkingdoms.org, aiononline.com, aionsource.com, aphoticlegion.com, aphotic-gaming.com, javarmonkey.com, and the shatteredkingdoms Facebook page. The topics heading was, How do YOU define e-dating? Given was a description of my project and details on how to contact me privately:
I chose e-dating via the gaming community as my "field-study" for my ethnography class, so you will see me in here (far more often than I have been presently :p) looking for some input from... The online community that I've been a part of for the past 3 years! I will also be doing a mirror study on another game that I played, and am contemplating the possibility of other sources. I mostly don't want to make my "pool" of information too vast, so I'm limiting myself to the online "gaming" community, and not any sites dedicated purely to dating. This will be an ongoing thing until the end of the spring semester, so feel free to reply to this directly, or message me privately if that is more comfortable. All infos will be kept confidential. So without further ado! How do you define e-dating?

From January 25th to May 9th, 2012 all responses were observed and recurrent themes were condensed into a list. This list was then used to formulate a list of survey questions that consisted of: Free listing, open ended, forced response, multiple choice, fixed choice, and ranking. The survey was created and distributed on March 14, 2012 at 9:44PM, and is still open on surveymonkey.com.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Do you consider yourself a gamer? What gender do you identify as? Which category below includes your age? How much time do you dedicate to gaming? What types of games do you enjoy playing? What do you like about these particular types of games? MMOs (Massively Multiplayer Online Games) are a social activity. Can a relationship formed through an online game be successful? What types of relationships that initially form through an online game are successful, and what types are not? 10. How would you rank the interactions that occur at the places listed below? (1 = Least social, 5 = Most social)

This survey was released to shatteredkingdoms.org, aphotic-gaming.com/aphoticlegion.com, and javarmonkey.com because these were the individuals I have direct access to interview. To find out why certain attitudes existed, I created a list of interview questions that consisted of: Descriptive, example, experience, native language, and hypothetical interaction questions.
1. 2. 3. 4. Do females or males pursue a relationship in an online game? Equally? What are the core features of a successful romantic relationship? Does a relationship require physical contact to succeed? Do you think that the majority of gamers are physically attractive or unattractive? Would you say females are more generally attractive, or unattractive? And what about males?

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5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. Why does the stereotype of unattractive geeks/nerds/gamer exist, then? Are gamers more generally male, or female? What type of games do females play versus males? What are these assumptions of more female/male players based on? If someone said they were female, would you believe they were without proof? Can females be nerdy, too? Skilled gamers. More unskilled female players in ratio to unskilled male players? Do females tend to quit games early on more often than males do? Does your online personality reflect your at home personality? What is your definition of someone who is anti-social? Are gamers antisocial?

After acquiring these results, the remainder of my time was spent both in observation and participant observation, while also continuing to interview and analyze a continuous flow of data.

Findings
Forum Responses How do YOU define E-Dating?
How do YOU define E-Dating? generated a combined 40 pages of responses (15,389 words) that contained both negative and positive sentiments. Responses were not limited to single sentence definitions, but expanded to personal experience and opinions on the subject. Respondents were requested to restrict their answer as it pertains to the online gaming community. All but aphoticgaming.com/aphoticlegion.com were threads that are fully viewable by the public (no membership or site registration is required).

The Good
Positive sentiments portrayed E-Dating as a stepping stone/pre-screen; essentially a transitional period between the confessing stage and the actual dating stage. Distance was primarily observed as a way to expand your dating pool and free geographic restrictions.
SWEDEN: We import wine. We import cheese. Why not import a companion if the local crop isnt what youre interested in? WTF: except imported wine and cheese is better than domestic which isnt always the case with imported lovers SWEDEN: True enough. But one has to wade through stinky cheese to find the one they like sometimes ;)

The overwhelming positive perception was that E-Dating is no different than regular dating, just one that takes place through a different medium [the internet]. It is a means to facilitate connection with an individual that removes the physical barrier and replaces it with personality; which in turn allows the user to be comfortable enough to express who they are.

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Instant Karma!: By anyones measure I look unappealing. Always have. However, I like to think I have a vibrant and charming personality that has served me well enough. The huge advantage that the internet has always held is that you get to know someone by personality first, rather than starting with a basis of appearance. Ginger: I never sent any pictures of myself because I wanted someone to finally accept me exactly the way I was (I think the only picture I actually sent was of my clothes spread out on the floor the day I went to pick him up from the airport).

The only primary difference was the fact that initially there is no physical contact. However, the eventuality of physical contact/meeting is something promised for the relationship to eventually succeed.An E-Dating relationship will find its failure if either party comes with a pretense of dishonesty or if either comes into the relationship with preconceived notions of who the other person is.

The Bad
COLUMBA: Its sad that our educational spending goes to tripe like this. MALAGEN: E-dating is for scrubs, crazies, and drama queens.

While there was an observable amount of positive responses, negative sentiments filled nearly double the space of the positive. From these responses I generated three main themes: Failure, Desperation, and Fakeness. The negative sentiment that was most prevalent from forum responses was that E-Dating is an act that ultimately leads to failure. The source of failure can be found in both acts of desperation and fakeness.
Jennifer C. Martin: I do tend to think e-dating relationships fail more often than not Sickatriz: As even more doomed to fail than traditional relationships.

E-Dating is generally observed to be a stigma and a term used to ridicule/insult. It denotes the stereotyped image of desperate and easily manipulated gamer nerds. In addition to desperation, individuals who partake in E-Dating are also associated with social disorders and unattractiveness. The perception is that only these types of people would consider E-Dating as an alternative to real-life dating. These individuals are desperate because they have an inability to function in a real-life setting due to the above stereotypes.
SINNE: -Two people are so desperate (or crazy) and fall for anyone just to feel liked and accepted and wanted. Then proceed o be made fun of for any length of time.

Kimble |7 Fakeness proliferates itself with the notion that you cant actually get a good sense of a person through online interaction. Generally speaking, everyone is not who they seem to be because of the ability to filter your personality online. Physical flaws are hidden through fake images and personalities are skewed to such an obtuse degree that recognition would be impossible upon meeting in real-life. This incongruence of self representation from online to offline self inevitably leads to E-Dating failure.
CHAOTICFURY: This perception is only what your mind believes the person to be unless you meet the person and see how they are in reality and believe me; 99 percent of the time they are not what they seem to be.

Online interaction is perceived as a shallow form of personal interaction that lacks the physical component that is desired in a relationship. E-Daters are restricted to text or voice applications in order to express themselves, which is perceived as lacking.
SALMONATOR: Weeks later, a relatively innocent romance RP turned into hot mudsex, which we indulged in probably a little too frequently. To be clear, though, Im a classy guy and I kept a thesaurus open every time.

Surveyed Responses
Through a survey that received 73 submissions, I was able to determine that the gaming community that I intended on using as my base for interviews generally ranged between the ages of 21-29, play between 30-34+ hrs/week (22-29 hr/week comes in second), 34 of which Strongly Agree that MMOs are a social activity (31 Agree, total of 65/73), 67/73 believe a relationship formed through an online game can be successful, is a self-identified gamer, and across age groups, time played, and gender, gaming is rated highest overall as a social activity relative to school, work, home, and local public places. 12 respondents identified as female, while 61 responded as male. This supported observed speculations that females make up about 1 in every 5 males. Types of games played/listed (in order of popularity, respondents were not limited): Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (52), First-Person Shooters (38), Role Playing Games (33), RealTime Strategy (18), Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (8), Multi-User Dungeons (text-based RPG 7), Turn Based Strategy (2), Sandbox-Building (2), Japanese Role Playing Games (1), and Trading Card Games (1). It is fair to assume from this data that while respondents are mostly MMOers, they come from a very wide/varied array of games. Even though the respondents were primarily contacted through an MMO, the sample pool was not limited purely to MMO gamers. (Surveyed data available in Index: P. 13-15)

Kimble |8 Q6: What do you like about these particular types of games? was answered with 42 out of 73 respondents specifically indicating that social interaction was what they looked for in the games they play. Q9: What types of relationships that initially form through an online game are successful, and what types are not? Respondents indicate that friendships are nearly always successful, whereas romantic relationships are extremely rare. Romantic relationships are primarily due for failure because of the inability to close the distance between the two participants, the temptation to lie/over exaggerate/deceive, lack of reciprocated emotions, or originally founded for the wrong reasons. Reasons surrounding failure in an online romantic relationship were similar to those found on forum responses, with the exception of physical attraction and social disorders. For this survey, respondents focused primarily on the fact that knowledge of self and others is an inaccurate representation of who that person actually is.
wearing a mask and the initial attraction is based off of an illusion However, people who consider that they know the other part only by online contact are simply fooling themselves. You may think youre in love with them but really its probably because you spend a lot of time with them in game and you dont open yourself to others outside of the game and deceive yourself.

Interviewed Responses
All interviews took place over Ventrilo (verbal communication software), with ten one-on-one interviews, and two group interviews. The one-on-one interviews each ranged from 30min~2hrs, with the median resting around 1hr, where 7 of the ten were male and 3 were female. All interviewees gave their verbal consent and the one-on-one interviewees signed and submitted a consent form to me via email. Each question was formulated in order to address the themes present in both the forum responses and surveys. 1. Do females or males pursue a relationship in an online game; equally? Interviewees indicated that while both males and females pursue an online relationship, males pursue more often. 2. What are the core features of a successful romantic relationship? Generally speaking, interviewees all agree that honesty, trust, communication, common interests and compromise are key features of a successful romantic relationship.

Kimble |9 3. Does a relationship require physical contact to succeed? Over long periods of time, physical contact becomes less important in a relationship, but initially/eventually it is needed for success. When prompted if interviewee would like to place physical as part of the key features of a successful relationship, majority did include physical contact as necessary to reaffirm a relationship, otherwise would be felt as a void if indefinitely absent. 4. Do you think that the majority of gamers are physically attractive or unattractive? The overwhelming response was that gamers are a reflection of individuals you see on a day-to-day basis. They are no more or less attractive than any particular group of individuals you see in a regular setting. 5. Why does the stereotype of unattractive geeks/nerds/gamers exist? Online gaming descends from negatively perceived games (Magic the Gathering, Live Action RolePlaying (LARPing), and Dungeons & Dragons (D&D)) that transferred a stereotype of unattractive gamers. Gaming is also associated with escapist tendencies, so society expects there to be physical abnormalities with individuals who do not practice moderation in the amount they game. This is generally a misconception that has just not caught up with the times, especially due to the fact that normal individuals are typically closet gamers because of the stigma associated with gaming. Unattractive and stereotyped gamers are publically over-enthusiastic about gaming. 11. Does your online personality reflect your at home personality? Interviewees explained that their personality was primarily the same; that it did not change. The only thing that actually changed was the subject matter as you migrated from one group to another. Interviewees indicated that while initially they may be shy and reserved, once you get to know them, they would seem like the same person to you even outside of the game setting. Some implied that they were more talkative online than they were in other settings, but that this did not alter their personality, just the amount of communication. 12. & 13.What is your definition of someone who is anti-social/Are gamers anti-social? Based on the definition of antisocial behavior given by each respondent, which was essentially an individual who shunned communication and isolated themselves, no online gamer is anti-social.
but um, I mean, how can you say that someone who plays an MMO is antisocial when youre required to play with people, and you choose to do that?

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Discussion
Some responses from interview questions were left out, primarily because they pertained to conclusions that I do not have sufficient enough data to provide in this paper. This data does not conflict with present findings and conclusions made here, but will have to be researched on further to address. The questions revolve around the perceptions of the female gamer, and how they have an impact on the prevailing attitudes surrounding E-Dating. In addition to this, I would like to look into whether or not the acceptance of friendship over online romantic relationships is more related to social acceptance rather than the rate of success.

Conclusion
The term E-Dating is viewed as a stigma, and exists as a representation of real-life dating. The only distinction that I could find between an E-Dating relationship and real-life dating was the medium through which individuals meet. Physical contact is expected in either setting as something that will eventually occur for there to be success.
psimon: I dont really think anyone can say theyre dating if all theyre doing is e dating. The e stands for early or emergent, in my book.

Individuals who are in an E-Dating relationship are perceived to be actively seeking a partner, which is an act that is perceived as negative because these individuals are: Anti-social, unattractive, or dishonest. The reality is that E-Dating simply happens, and is not ordinarily sought after until a bond is formed through constant proximity with another person. Individuals who play multiplayer games are forced into a social setting, so if they were judged to be antisocial based on interviewed definitions of anti-social behavior, then no gamer can be defined as such. Interviewed responses all agree that online multiplayer gamers are not anti-social, and surveyed results show that only 6.8% of 73 people feel that MMOs are not a social activity, while 91.8% believe a relationship can successfully form online. Gaming is ranked highest overall relative to school, work, your home, and local public places, so I found the perception that E-Daters seeking online relationships because they are anti-social to be unfounded.

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Based on interviews, the overall agreement was that individuals are no more or less attractive than they are in an everyday real-life setting. Through this, I concluded that the perception that E-Daters are EDating because they are too unattractive to find someone in real-life, to be unfounded. Through a comparison of core values of a successful relationship obtained through interviews, surveys, and forum responses, the generally agreed upon reasons why an online romantic relationship would fail are based upon the same reasons why a normal relationship would fail (dishonesty, cheating, inability to compromise, etc). A normal relationship is somehow perceived as faultless relative to a relationship that found its origins in E-Dating. The other causative factor for failure is long-distance, but considering the fact that there are relationships that function in these circumstances (such as deployment, or student exchange), shows that the long-distance prevalent in an E-Dating relationship is not unique. Interviewed results show that while subject matter changes from group to group, personality remains the same. Because there is a temptation to lie, the perception is that everyone must be lying; that people are not who they appear to be. However, if interviewed results continue to remain the same, it would appear as though each individual feels as though they are presenting who they are while everyone else is not doing the same.

K i m b l e | 12 An E-Dating relationship is just as likely to fail or succeed as any other kind of relationship, if all of the same factors are taken into account. Perceptions of the community do not match up with individualized perceptions of self and others. Why, if the view surrounding E-Dating is so negative, would the practice continue? Why would it not diminish all together and cease to exist if its doomed for failure? The perception that E-Dating is doomed for failure implies that all participants are martyrs looking to sacrifice themselves to add into an ever growing database of online dating failures. However, wouldnt the stronger implication be that there might be something else going on behind the scenes? From observations, I found that success stories tended to shy away from the spotlight primarily because these individuals did not need the reaffirmation of the public to be successful. However, the fact that most success in E-Dating is absent from the public view perpetuates the assumption of failure regardless of it actually being factual.

Acknowledgements
I would like to thank all individuals who participated in my survey, responded to my forum threads, and allowed me to interview them. Regardless of whether or not the actual data pertained to my study, most of it was usually pretty enjoyable to read. Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:56 pm ninja_ardith:
greet elf You greet a sexy female elf. c enlarge xxx You start to concentrate. You utter the words, 'unsorabraoz.' c enlarge xxx You start to concentrate. You utter the words, 'unsorabraoz.' c enlarge xxx You start to concentrate. You utter the words, 'unsorabraoz.' sayto elf Hey baby, let's go play house. You can play the part of the door, and I'll practice slamming you all night long. You say to a sexy female elf 'Hey baby, let's go play house. You can play the part of the door, and I'll practice slamming you all night long.' A sexy female elf rolls her eyes in disgust.

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Index

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