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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

FICTION

THE SEMPLICA-GIRL DIARIES

by George Saunders

OCTOBER15,2012

SEPTEMBER3RD

avingjustturnedforty,haveresolvedto embarkongrandprojectofwritingeverydayin thisnewblackbookjustgotatOfficeMax.Exciting tothinkhowinoneyear,atrateofonepage/day,will havewrittenthreehundredandsixtyfivepages,and whatapictureoflifeandtimesthenavailablefor kids&grandkids,evengreatgrandkids,whoever,all arewelcome(!)toseehowlifereallywas/isnow. Becausewhatdoweknowofothertimesreally?How clothessmelledandcarriagessounded?Willfuture peopleknow,forexample,aboutsoundofairplanes goingoveratnight,sinceairplanesbythattime pass?Willfuturepeopleknowsometimescats IllustrationbyMartinAnsin. foughtinnight?Becausebythattimesomechemical inventedtomakecatsnotfight?Lastnightdreamedoftwodemonshavingsexandfounditwas onlytwocatsfightingoutsidewindow.Willfuturepeoplebeawareofconceptofdemons? Willtheyfindourbeliefindemonsquaint?Willwindowsevenexist?Interestingtofuture generationsthatevensophisticatedcollegegradlikemesometimeswokeincoldsweat, thinkingofdemons,believingonepossiblyunderbed?Anyway,whattheheck,amnot planningonwritingencyclopedia,ifanyfuturepersonisreadingthis,ifyouwanttoknowwhat ademonwas,golookitup,insomethingcalledanencyclopedia,ifyouevenstillhavethose! Amgettingofftrack,duetotired,duetothosefightingcats. Herebyresolvetowriteinthisbookatleasttwentyminutesanight,nomatterhowtired.(If discouraged,justthinkhowmuchwillhavebeenrecordedforposterityafteronemereyear!) SEPTEMBER5TH ops.Missedaday.Thingshectic.Willsummarizeyesterday.Yesterdayabitrough.While
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

pickingkidsupatschool,bumperfelloffParkAvenue.Notetofuturegenerations:Park Avenue=typeofcar.Oursnotnew.Oursoldish.Bitrusty.Kidsgotin,Eva(middlechild) askedwhatwasmeaningofjunkorama.Atthatmoment,bumperfelloff.Mr.Renn,history teacher,quitehelpful,retrievedbumper(note:writeletterofcommendationtoprincipal), sayinghetoooncehadcarwhosebumperfelloff,whenpoor,incollege.Evaassuredmeitwas allrightbumperhadfallenoff.Irepliedofcourseitwasallright,whywouldntitbeallright,it wasjustsomethingthathadhappened,Icertainlyhadntcaused.Imagethatstaysinmindisof threesweetkidsinbackseat,chastenedexpressionsonlittlefaces,timidlyholdingbumper acrosslaps.OneendofbumperhadtohangoutEvaswindowandtodayshehassniffles,plus smallcutonhandfromplacewherebumperwassharp. Lilly(oldest,nearlythirteen!),asalways,putallinperspective,bysaying,Whocaresabout stupidbumper,weregoingtogetanewcarsoonanyway,whenrich,right? Uponarrivinghome,putbumperingarage.Ingarage,founddeadlargemouseorsmall squirrelcrawlingwithmaggots.Usedshoveltotransfermajorityofsquirrel/mousetoHefty bag.Smudgeofsquirrel/mousestillongaragefloor,likeoilstainw/embeddedfurtufts. Stoodlookingupathouse,sad.Thought:Whysad?Dontbesad.Ifsad,willmakeeveryone sad.Wentinhappy,notmentioningbumper,squirrel/mousesmudge,maggots,thengaveEva extraicecream,duetoIhadspokenharshlytoher. Havetodobetter!Bekinder.Startnow.Soontheywillbegrownandhowsad,ifonly memoryofyouistesty,stressedguyinbadcar. WhenwillIhavesufficientleisure/wealthtositonhaybalewatchingmoonrise,whilein luxuriousmansionfamilysleeps?Atthattime,willhavechancetoreflectdeeplyonmeaningof life,etc.,etc.Haveafeelingandhavealwayshadafeelingthatthisandothergoodthingswill happenforus! SEPTEMBER6TH

erydepressingbirthdaypartytodayathomeofLillysfriendLeslieTorrini. HouseismansionwhereLafayetteoncestayed.TorrinisshowedusLafayettesroom: nowtheirFunDen.PlasmaTV,pinballgame,footmassager.Thirtyacres,sixgarages(they callthemoutbuildings):oneforFerraris(three),oneforPorsches(two,plusoneheis rebuilding),oneforhistoricalmerrygoroundtheyarerestoringasfamily(!).Acrosstrout stockedstream,redOrientalbridgeflowninfromChina.Showedushoofmarkfromsome dynasty.Infrontroom,nearSteinway,plastercastofhoofmarkfromevenearlierdynasty,in woodofdifferentbridge.Picassoautograph,Disneyautograph,dressGretaGarbooncewore, alldisplayedinmassivemahoganycabinet. VegetablegardentendedbyguynamedKarl. Lilly:Wow,thisgardenisliketentimesbiggerthanourwholeyard.
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

Flowergardentendedbyseparateguy,weirdlyalsonamedKarl. Lilly:Wouldntyoulovetolivehere? Me:Lilly,haha,dontah... Pam(mywife,verysweet,loveoflife!):What,whatisshesayingwrong?Wouldntyou? Wouldntyoulovetolivehere?IknowIwould. Infrontofhouse,onsweepinglawn,largestSGarrangementeverseen,allinwhite,white smocksblowinginbreeze,andLillysays,Canwegocloser? LeslieTorrini:Wecanbutwedont,usually. Lesliesmother,dressedinIndonesiansarong:Wedont,aswealreadyhave,manytimes, dear,butyouperhapswouldliketo?Perhapsthisisallverynewandexcitingtoyou? Lilly,shyly:Itis,yes. Lesliesmom:Please,go,enjoy. Lillyracesaway. Lesliesmom,toEva:Andyou,dear? Evastandstimidlyagainstmyleg,shakesheadno. Justthenfather(Emmett)appears,saystimefordinner,hopeswelikesailfishflowninfresh fromGuatemala,preparedwithararespicefoundonlyinonetinyregionofBurma,whichhad tobebribedout. Thekidscaneatlater,inthetreehouse,Lesliesmomsays. Sheindicatesthetreehouse,whichispaintedVictorianandhasagabledroofanda telescopestickingoutandwhatlookslikeasmallsolarpanel. Thomas:Wow,thattreehouseisliketwicethesizeofouractualhouse. (Thomas,asusual,exaggerating:treehouseismorelikeonethirdsizeofourhouse.Still, yes:bigtreehouse.) Ourgiftnottheveryworst.Althoughpossiblytheleastexpensivesomeonebroughtamini DVDplayersomeonebroughtalockofhairfromanactualmummy(!)itwas,inmyopinion, themostheartfelt.BecauseLeslie(whoappeareddisappointedbythelockofmummyhair,and saidso,becauseshealreadyhadone(!))was,itseemedtome,touchedbythesimplicityofour paperdollset.Andalthoughwedidnotviewitaskitschatthetimeweboughtit,whenLeslies momsaid,Les,checkitout,kitschorwhat,dontyouloveit?,Ithought,Yes,well,maybeitis kitsch,maybewedidintend.Inanyevent,thiseasedtheblowwhenthenextgiftwasaticketto thePreakness(!),asLesliehasrecentlybecomeinterestedinhorses,andhasbegungettingup earlytofeedtheirninehorses,whereaspreviouslyshehadcategoricallyrefusedtofeedthesix llamas. Lesliesmom:Soguesswhoendedupfeedingthellamas? Leslie,sharply:Mom,dontyourememberbackthenIalwayshadyoga?
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

Lesliesmom:Althoughactually,honestly?Itwasablessing,achanceformetorediscover whatterrificanimalstheyare,afterschool,ondaysonwhichLeshadyoga. Leslie:Likeeveryday,yoga? Lesliesmom:Iguessyoujusthavetotrustyourkids,trustthattheirinnateinterestinlife willwinoutintheend,dontyouthink?Whichiswhatishappeningnow,withLesandhorses. God,shelovesthem. Pam:Ourkids,wecantevengetthemtopickupwhatFerberdoesinthefrontyard. Lesliesmom:AndFerberis? Me:Dog. Lesliesmom:Haha,yes,well,everythingpoops,isntthatjustit? Afterdinner,strolledgroundswithEmmett,whoissurgeon,doessomethingtwodaysa weekwithbraininserts,smallelectronicdevices?Orpossiblybiotronic?Theyareverysmall. Hundredscanfitonheadofpin?Ordime?Didnottotallyfollow.Heaskedaboutmywork,I told.Hesaid,Well,huh,amazingthestrange,arcanethingsourculturerequiressomeofusto do,degradingthings,thingsthatoffernotangiblebenefittoanyone,howdotheyexpectpeople tocontinuetoevenholdtheirheadsup? Couldnotthinkofresponse.Notetoself:Thinkofresponse,sendoncard,thusstrikingup friendshipwithEmmett? ReturnedtoTorrinishouse,satonspecialstarwatchingplatformasstarscameout.Our kidssatwatchingstars,fascinated.What,Isaid,nostarsinourneighborhood?Noresponse. Fromanyone.Actually,starstheredidseembrighter.Onstarplatform,hadtoomuchtodrink, andsuddenlyeverythingIthoughtofseemedstupid.Sojustwentquiet,likeinstupor. Pamdrovehome.IsatsullenanddrunkinpassengerseatofParkAvenue.Kidsbabbling aboutwhatagreatpartyitwas,Lillyespecially.Thomasspoutingalltheseboringllamafacts, perEmmett. Lilly:Icantwaittillmyparty.Mypartyisintwoweeks,right? Pam:Whatdoyouwanttodoforyourparty,sweetie? Longsilenceincar. Lilly,finally,sadly:Oh,Idontknow.Nothing,Iguess. Pulleduptohouse.Anothersilenceasweregardedblank,emptyyard.Thatis,mostly crabgrassandnoredOrientalbridgew/ancienthoofprintsandnooutbuildingsandnotasingle SG,butonlyFerber,whowedkindofforgottenabout,andwho,asusual,hadcircledroundand roundthetreeuntilnearlystranglingtodeathonhisgraduallyshorteningleashandwas lookingupatuswithbeggingeyesinwhichdesperationwascombinedwithasortoflow boilinganger. Lethimoffleash,heshotmehostilelook,tookdumpextremelyclosetoporch.
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

Watchedtoseeifkidswouldtakeinitiativeandpickup.Butno.Kidsonlyslumpedpastand stoodexhaustedbyfrontdoor.KnewIshouldtakeinitiativeandpickup.Butwastiredandhad tocomeinandwriteinthisstupidbook. Donotreallylikerichpeople,astheymakeuspoorpeoplefeeldopeyandinadequate.Not thatwearepoor.Iwouldsaywearemiddle.Wearevery,verylucky.Iknowthat.Butstill,itis notrightthatrichpeoplemakeusmiddlepeoplefeeldopeyandinadequate. AmwritingthisstilldrunkanditisgettinglateandtomorrowisMonday,whichmeans work. Work,work,work.Stupidwork.Amsotiredofwork. Goodnight. SEPTEMBER7TH

ustrereadthatlastentryandshouldclarify. Amnottiredofwork.Itisaprivilegetowork.Idonothatetherich.Iaspiretoberich myself.Andwhenwefinallydogetourownbridge,trout,treehouse,SGs,etc.,atleastwill knowwereallyearnedthem,unlike,say,theTorrinis,who,Ifeel,musthavefamilymoney. Lastnight,afterparty,foundEvasadinherroom.Askedwhy.Shesaidnoreason.Butin sketchpad:crayonpicofrowofsadSGs.Couldtellweremeanttobesad,duetofrownswent downofffaceslikeFuManchusandtearsweredroppinginarcs,flowersspringingupwhere tearshitground.Notetoself:Talktoher,explainthatitdoesnothurt,theyarenotsadbut actuallyhappy,givenwhattheirpriorconditionswerelike:theychose,areglad,etc. VerymovingpieceonNPRreBangladeshiSGsendingmoneyhome:henceherparentsable tobuildsmallshack.(Notetoself:Findonline,download,playforEva.Firstfixcomputer. Computersuperslow.PossiblydeleteCircusLoser?Acrobatsrunalljerky,duetolow memory+elephantsdonothop=nofun.) SEPTEMBER12TH

inedaystoLillysbday.Kindofdreadthis.Toomuchpressure.Donotwanttohavebad party. HadaskedLillyforlistofbdaygiftideas.Todaycamehometoenvelopelabelled POSSIBLEGIFTLIST.Inside,clippingsfromsomecatalogue:RestingFierceness.Apairof fierceporcelainjunglecatsaretamed(atleastfornow!)onhighlydetailedornamental pillows,buttheirwildnessisnottobeunderestimated.Leftfacingcheetah:$350.Rightfacing tiger:$325.Then,onPostit:DAD,SECONDCHOICE.GirlReadingtoLittleSisterfigurine: ThischildhoodstudybyNevadaartistDaniwillrecallinporcelainthejoysofstorytimeand thetendermomentssharedbyall.Girlandlittlegirlreadingonpolishedrock:$280. Discouraging,Ifelt.Because(1)whydoesyounggirlofthirteenwantsucholdladygift,
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

and(2)wheredoesgirlofthirteengetideathat$300=appropriateamountforbdaygift? WhenIwaskid,itwasoneshirt,oneshirtIdidntwant,usuallyhomemade. However,donotwanttobreakLillysheartorharshlyremindherofourlimitations.God knows,sheisalreadyremindedoftenenough.ForMyYardprojectatschool,LeslieTorrini broughtinpicsofOrientalbridge,plusbackgroundinfoonSGs(age,placeoforigin,etc.),as dideveryotherkidinclass,whereasLillybroughtinnineteenfortiescondomboxfoundlast yearduringabortedattempttostartvegetablegarden.Perhapswasbadcallrelettingherbring condombox?Thought,beinghistorical,itwouldbegood,plusperhapskidswouldnotnoticeit wascondombox.Butteachernoticed,pointedout,kidshadbighoot,teacherusedopportunity todiscusssafesex,whichwasgoodforclassbutmaybenotsogoodforLilly. Asforparty,Lillysaidshewouldrathernothaveone.Iasked,Whynot,sweetie?Shesaid, Oh,noreason.Isaid,Isitbecauseofouryard,ourhouse?Isitbecauseyouareafraidthat, givenoursmallhouseandbareyard,partymightbeboringorembarrassing? Atwhichsheburstintotearsandsaid,Oh,Daddy. Actually,onefigurinemightnotbeexcessive.Or,rather,mightbeexcessworthindulging in,duetosadlookonherfacewhenshecameinonMyYarddayanddroppedcondombox ontablewithsigh. MaybeGirlReadingtoLittleSister,asthatischeapest?Althoughmaybegivingcheapest sendsbadsignal?Signalsfrugalityeveninmidstofattempttobegenerous?Maybebesttogo big?GoforRestingFierceness?PutcheetahonVisa,hopesheishappilysurprised? SEPTEMBER14TH

bservedMelReddenatworktoday.Hedidfine.Ididfine.Hecommittedminorerrors,I caughtthemall.HemadeoneRecyclingError:threwTabcaninwrongbucket.When throwingTabinwrongbucket,madeErgonomicError,bythrowingfromfaraway,missing, havingtogetupandrethrow.ThenmadesecondErgonomicError:didnotsquatwhenpicking upTabtorethrow,butbentatwaist,therebyincreasingriskofbackinjury.Melsignedoffon myObservations,thenaskedmetoreObserve.Verysmart.DuringreObservation,Melmade noerrors.Threwnocansinbucket,justsatverystillatdesk.Sowasabletoappendthattohis Record.Partedfriends,etc.,etc. OneweekuntilLsbirthday. Notetoself:Ordercheetah. However,notthatsimple.SomerecentproblemswithVisa.Full.Pastfull.Foundoutat YourItalianKitchen,whenVisadeclined.LeftPamandkidsthere,walkedrapidlyoutwithbig fakesmile,drovetoATM.ThenscarymomentasATMcardalsodeclined.Nearbywinosaid ATMwasbroken,directedmetodifferentATM.ThankedwinowithfriendlywaveasIdrove past.Winogavemefinger.SecondATM,thankGod,notbroken,didnotdecline.Arrived,
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

winded,backatYourItalianKitchentofindPamonthirdcupofcoffeeandkidsfallingoff chairsandtappingaquariumwithdimes,waitstafflookingpeeved.Paidcash,w/bigapologetic tip.Consideredcollectingdimesfromkids(!).Still,overallnicenight.Reallyfun.Kidsshowed goodmanners,untilaquariumbit. Butproblemremains:Visafull.AlsoAmExfullandDiscovernearlyfull.CalledDiscover: $200avail.Ifwetransfer$200fromchecking(oncepaycheckcomesin),wouldthenhave$400 avail.onDiscover,couldgetcheetah.Althoughtimingproblematic.Currently,checkingat zero.Paycheckmustcome,mustputpaycheckincheckingpronto,hopepaycheckclears quickly.Andthen,whendoingbills,pickbillstotalling$200tonotpay.Todeferpaying. Stretchedabitthinthesedays. Notetofuturegenerations:Inourtimearesuchthingsascreditcards.Companyloans money,youpaybackathighinterestrate.Isniceforwhenyoudonotactuallyhavemoneyto dothingyouwanttodo(forexample,buyextravagantcheetah).Youmaysay,safeinyour futuretime,Wouldntitbebettertosimplynotdothingyoucantaffordtodo?Easyforyouto say!Youarenothere,inourworld,withkids,kidsyoulove,whileotherpeoplearedoinggood thingsfortheirkids,suchasaHeritageJourneytoNice,ifyouaretheMancinis,orthreeweeks wreckdivingofftheBahamas,ifyouareGaryGoldandhistan,sleekson,Byron. ThereissomuchIwanttodoandexperienceandgivetokids.Timegoingbysoquickly, kidsgrowingupsofast.Ifnotnow,when?Whenwillwegivethemlargesseandsenseof generosity?HaveneverbeentoHawaiiorparasailedoreatenlunchatcafbyocean,wearing floppystrawhatsjustpurchasedonwhim.SoIworry:Growingupinpaucity,wontthey becometoocautious?Notthattheyaregrowingupinpaucity.Still,therearethingswewantbut cannothave.Ifkidsraisedtoocautious,duetopaucity,willnotworldchewthemupandspit out? Still,mustfightgoodfight!ThinkofDad.WhenMomleftDad,Dadkeptgoingtojob. Whenlaidofffromjob,gotpaperroute.Whenlaidofffrompaperroute,gotlesserpaperroute. Intime,gotbetterrouteback.BytimeDaddied,hadjobalmostasgoodasoriginaljob.And hadpaidoffmostdebtincurredafterdemotiontolesserroute. Notetoself:VisitDadsgrave.Bringflowers.HavetalkwithDadrecertainthingssaidby meattimeofpaperroutes,dueto,couldnotaffordrentaltuxforprombuthadtowearDads oldtux,whichdidnotfit.Still,noneedtoberude.WasnotDadsfaulthewasgoodfoottaller thanmeandthereforepantlegsdragged,hidingDadsborrowedshoes,whichpinched,because Dad,thoughtall,hadtinyfeet. SEPTEMBER15TH

amnit.Planwillnotwork.CannotgetchecktoDiscoverintime.Needstimetoclear. Sonocheetah.
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

MustthinkofsomethingelsetogivetoLillyatsmallfamilyonlypartyinkitchen.Ormay havetodowhatMomsometimesdid,whichwas,whenthingnotavailable,wrappictureof thingwithnotepromisingthing.However,notetoself:DonotdootherthingMomdid,which was,whenchildtriestoredeem,rolleyes,actexasperated,askifchildthinksmoneygrowson trees. Notetoself:Findadwithpicofcheetah,forI.O.U.coupon.Wasondeskbutnotanymore. Possiblyusedtorecordphonemessageon?Possiblyusedtopickuplittlethingcatthrewup? PoorLilly.Hersweethopefulfacewhentoddler,wearingBurgerKingcrown,andnowthis? Shedidnotknowshewasdestinedtobenotprincessbutpoorgirl.Poorishgirl.Girlnotthe richest. Noparty,nopresent.PossiblynopicofcheetahinI.O.U.CoulddrawcheetahbutLilly mightthenthinkshewasgettingcamel.Ornotgettingcamel,rather.Amnotbestdrawer.Ha ha!Mustkeepspiritsup.Laughterbestmedicine,etc.,etc. Someday,Imsure,dreamswillcometrue.Butwhen?Whynotnow?Whynot? SEPTEMBER20TH

orryforsilencebutwow! Wastoohappy/busytowrite! Fridaymostincredibledayever!Donotneedtoevenwritedown,aswillneverforgetthis awesomeday!Butwillrecordforfuturegenerations.Niceforthemtoknowthatgoodluckand happinessrealandpossible!InAmericaofmytime,wantthemtoknow,anythingpossible! WowwowwowisallIcansay!RememberhowIalwaysbuylunchtimeScratchOffticket? HaveIsaid?Maybedidnotsay?Well,everyFriday,torewardselfforgoodweek,Istopat storenearhome,treatselftoButterfinger,plusScratchOffticket.Sometimes,ifhardweek,two Butterfingers.Sometimes,ifveryhardweek,threeButterfingers.But,ifthreeButterfingers,no ScratchOff.ButFridaywonTENGRAND!!OnScratchOff!DroppedbothButterfingers,stood thereholdingdimeusedtoscratch,mouthhangingopen.Kindofreeledintomagazinerack. Guyatregistertookticket,readticket,said,Winner!Guyrightedmagazinerack,shookmy hand. Thensaidwewouldgetcheck,checkforTENGRAND,withinweek. Racedhomeonfoot,forgettingcar.Racedbackforcar.Halfwayback,thought,Whatthe heck,racedhomeonfoot.Pamracedout,said,Whereiscar?ShowedherScratchOffticket. Shestoodstunnedinyard. Arewerichnow?Thomassaid,racingout,draggingFerberbycollar. Notrich,Pamsaid. Richer,Isaid. Richer,Pamsaid.Damn.
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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

Allbegandancingaroundyard,Ferberlookingwitlessatsuddendancing,thendoingdance ofown,bychasingowntail. Then,ofcourse,hadtodecidehowtouse.Thatnightinbed,Pamsaid,Partiallypayoff creditcards?Myfeelingwasyes,O.K.,could.Butdidnotseemexcitingtomeandalsodidnot seemallthatexcitingtoher. Pam:ItwouldbenicetodosomethingspecialforLillysbirthday. Me:Me,too,exactly,yes! Pam:Shecouldusesomething.Shehasreallybeendown. Me:Youknowwhat?Letsdoit. BecauseLillyouroldest,wehavesoftspotforher,softspotthatisalsolikeworryspot. Sowehatchedupscheme,thendid. Whichwas:WenttoGreenwayLandscaping,hadthemdototalnewyarddesign,incl.ten rosebushes+cedarpathway+pond+smallhottub+fourSGarrangement!Bigfunpartwas, howsooncoulditbedone?Plus,coulditbedoneinsecret?Greenwaysaid,forprice,coulddo inoneday,whilekidsatschool.(Notetoself:WriteletterpraisingMelanie,Greenwaygal superfacilitator.) Steptwowas:sendoutsecretinvitestosurprisepartytobeheldoneveningofdayofyard completion,i.e.,tomorrow,i.e.,thatiswhysosilentintermsofthisbookforlastweek.Sorry, sorry,havejustbeensuperbusy! PamandIworkedsowelltogether,likeinolddays,soniceandclose,totalagreement.That night,whenarrangementsallmade,wenttobedearly(!!)(masseusescenariodonotask!). Sorryifcorny. Amjusthappy. Notetofuturegenerations:Happinesspossible.Andhappysomuchbetterthanopposite, i.e.,sad.Hopefullyyouknow!Iknew,butforgot.Gotusedtobeingslightlysad!Slightlysad, duetostress,duetoworryvisvislimitations.Butnow,wow,no:happy! SEPTEMBER21ST!LILLYBDAY(!)

herearedayssoperfectyoufeel:Thisiswhatlifeabout.Whenold,willfeelwholelife worthit,becauseIgottoexperiencethisperfectday. Todaythatkindofday. Inmorning,kidsgoofftoschoolperusual.Greenwaycomesatten.Yarddonebytwo(!). Rosesin,fountainin,pathwayin.SGtruckarrivesatthree.SGsexittruck,standshylynear fencewhilerackinstalled.Racknice.OptedforLexington(midrangeintermsofprice): bronzeuprightsw/Colonialcaps,EzyReleeselevers. SGsalreadyinwhitesmocks.Microlinestrungthrough.SGsholdingmicrolineslackin hands,likemountainclimbersholdingrope.Onlynomountain(!).Onesquatting,others

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George Saunders: : The New Yorker

standingpolite/nervous,onesniffingnewroses.Shegivestimidwave.Othersayssomethingto her,like,Hey,notsupposedtowave.ButIwaveback,like,Inthishousehold,isO.K.towave. Doctormonitorsinstallationbylaw.Soyoung!LookslikeshouldbeworkingatWendys. Sayswecanwatchhoistornot.Givesmemeaningfullook,cutseyesatPam,asin,Wife squeamish?Pamsomewhatsqueamish.Sometimesdoesnotliketohandlerawchicken.Isay, Letsgoinside,putcandlesoncake. Soon,knockondoor:doctorsayshoistalldone. Me:Socanwehavealook? Him:Totally. Westepout.SGsupnow,approx.threefeetoffground,smiling,swayinginslightbreeze. Order,lefttoright:Tami(Laos),Gwen(Moldova),Lisa(Somalia),Betty(Philippines).Effect amazing.Havingsooftenseensimilarconfigurationinyardsofothersmoreaffluentmakes ownyardseemsuddenlyaffluent,youfeeldifferentaboutself,asifatlastinstepwithpeers andtimeinwhichliving. Pondgreat.Rosesgreat.Path,hottubgreat. Everythingset. Couldnotbelievewehadpulledthisoff. Pickedkidsupatschool.LillyallhangdogbecauseherbdayandnoonesaidHappyBday atbreakfast,andnopartyandnogiftssofar. Meanwhile,athome:Pamscramblingtodecorate.Fooddelivered(BBQfromSnakeys). Friendsarrive.SowhenLillygetsoutofcarwhatdoessheseebutwholenewyardfullof friendsfromschoolsittingatnewpicnictablenearnewhottub,andnewlineoffourSGs,and Lillyliterallyburstsintotearsofhappiness! Thenmoretearsasshinypinkpackagesunwrapped,RestingFiercenessplusGirl ReadingtoLittleSisterrevealed.LillytouchedIrememberedexactfigurines.PlusSummer Daze(hoboclownfishing($380)),whichshehadntevenrequested(justtoprovelargesse). Severalmorewavesofhappytears,hugs,rightinfrontoffriends,asifgratitude/affectionforus greaterthanfearofrebukefromfriends. Partyguestsplayedusualgames,CracktheWhip,etc.,etc.,inbeautifulnewyard.Kids joyful,thankedusforinviting.Severalsaidtheylovedyard.Severalparentslingeredafter, sayingtheylovedyard. And,myGod,thelookonLillysfaceasallleft! Knowshewillalwaysremembertoday. Onlyoneslightnegative:Afterparty,duringcleanup,Evastompsaway,picksupcattoo roughly,thewayshesometimesdoeswhenmad.Catscratchesher,runsovertoFerber,claws Ferber.Ferberdashesaway,stumblesintotable,rosesboughtforLillycrashdownonFerber.
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WefindEvaincloset. Pam:Sweetie,sweetie,whatisit? Eva:Idontlikeit.Itsnotnice. Thomas(rushingoverwithcattoshowheismasterofcat):Theywantto,Eva.Theylike appliedforit. Pam:Wheretheyrefrom,theopportunitiesarenotsogood. Me:Ithelpsthemtakecareofthepeopletheylove. Evafacingwall,lowerlipoutinherprecryingway. ThenIgetidea:Gotokitchen,pagethroughPersonalStatements.Yikes.WorsethanI thought:Laotian(Tami)appliedduetotwosistersalreadyinbrothels.Moldovan(Gwen)has cousinwhothoughtshewasbecomingwindowwasherinGermany,butno:sexslaveinKuwait (!).Somali(Lisa)watchedfather+littlesisterdieofAIDS,sametinythatchhut,sameyear. Filipina(Betty)haslittlebrotherveryskilledforcomputer,parentscannotaffordhigh school,havelivedintinyleantowiththreeotherfamiliessincetheirowntinyleantoslid downhillsideinearthquake. IoptforBetty,gobacktocloset,readBettyaloud. Me:Doesthathelp?Doyouunderstandnow?Canyoukindofimagineherlittlebrotherina goodschool,becauseofher,becauseofus? Eva:Ifwewanttohelpthem,whycantwejustgivethemthemoney? Me:Oh,sweetie. Pam:Letsgolook.Letsseedotheylooksad. (Donotlooksad.Areinfactquietlychattinginmoonlight.) Atwindow,Evaquiet.Deepwell.Sosensitive.Evenwhentiny,Evasensitive.Kindestkid. Biggestheart.Once,whenlittle,founddeadbirdinyardandplacedonswingsetslide,soit couldseehimfambly.Criedwhenwethrewoutoldrockingchair,claimingittoldherit wantedtoliveoutrestoflifeinbasement. ButIworry,Pamworries:ifkidtoosensitive,kidgoesoutinworld,worldripskidsguts out,i.e.,sometoughnessreqd? Lilly,onotherhand,wroteallthankyounotestonightinonesitting,moppedkitchen withoutbeingasked,thenwasoutinyardw/flashlight,pickingupFerberareawithnewpoop scoopsheapparentlyrodeonbiketobuyw/ownmoneyatFasMart(!). SEPTEMBER22ND

appyperiodcontinues. EveryoneatworkcuriousreScratchOffwin.Broughtpicsofyardintowork,posted incubicle,folkscameby,admired.SteveZ.askedcouldhedropbyhousesometime,seeyardin person.Thisafirst:SteveZ.hasneverpreviouslygivenmetimeofday.Evenaskedmyadvice:

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wheredidIbuywinningScratchOff,howmanyScratchOffsdoItypicallybuy,Greenway= reputablecompany? Embarrassedtoadmithowhappythismademe. Atlunch,wenttomall,boughtfournewshirts.RunningjokeindepartmentvisvisIhave onlytwoshirts.Notso.Buthavethreesimilarblueshirtsandtwoidenticalyellowshirts.Hence confusion.Donotgenerallybuynewclothesforself.Havealwaysfeltitmoreimportantfor kidstohavenewclothes,i.e.,donotwantotherkidssayingmykidshaveonlytwoshirtsetc., etc.AsforPam,Pamverybeautiful,raisedw/money.Donotwantformerwealthybeauty wearingsameclothesoverandover,feeling,Whenyoung,hadsomanyclothes,butnow,dueto him(i.e.,me),badlydressed. Correction:Pamnotraisedwealthy.Pamsfather=farmerinsmalltown.Hadbiggestfarm onedgeofsmalltown.So,relativetogirlsonsmallerfarms,Pam=richgirl.Ifsamefarmnear biggertown,farmonlyaverage,butno:townsosmall,modestfarm=estate. Anyway,Pamdeservesbest. Camehome,tookdetouraroundsideofhousetopeekatyard:fishhoveringnearlilypads, beesbuzzingaroundroses,SGsinfreshwhitesmocks,shaftofsunfallingacrosslawn,dust motesrisingupw/sleepylatesummerfeeling,LifeStyleServicesteam(i.e.,Greenwayfolks whocomeby3x/daytogiveSGsmeals/water,takeSGstoSmallJoninbackofvan,dealwith feminineissues,etc.,etc.)hardatwork. Inside,foundLeslieTorriniover(!).This=huge.Leslieneveroversolobefore.Saysshe likesthewayourSGshangclosetopond,arethusreflectedinpond.Callshome,demands pond.LesliesmothercallsLesliespoiledbrat,saysnopond.This=bigscoreforLilly.Notthat wearegladwhensomeoneelsenotglad.ButLesliesooftengladwhenLillynotglad,maybeis O.K.if,justonce,Leslie=littlebitsadwhileLilly=ridinghigh? Girlsgointoyard,stayinyardforlongtime.PamandIpeekout.Girlsgettingalong?Girls haveheadstogetherinshadeoftrees,exchanginggirlishintimacies,cementingLillysstatusas palofLeslie? Lesliesmotherarrives(inBMW).Leslie,Lesliesmotherbickerbrieflyrepond. Lesliesmom:But,Les,love,youalreadyhavethreestreams. Leslie(caustic):Isastreamapond,Maman? Lillygivesmegratefulpeckoncheek,runsupstairssinginghappytune. Notetoself:TrytoextendpositivefeelingsassociatedwithScratchOffwinintoallareasof life.Bebiggerpresenceatwork.Raceupladder(joyfully,w/smileonface),getraise.Getin bestshapeoflife,startdressingnicer.Learnguitar?Makepointofnoticingbeautyofworld? Whynoteducateselfrebirds,flowers,trees,constellations,becometruecitizenofnatural world,walkaroundneighborhoodw/kids,patientlyteachingkidsnamesofbirds,flowers,etc.,
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etc.?WhynottakekidstoEurope?Kidshaveneverbeen.Havenever,inAlps,hadhot chocolateinmountaincaf,servedbykindlywhitehairedinnkeeper,whofindsthemso sophisticated/friendlyrelativetousualsnotty/richAmericankids(whoalwaysignorehispretty butcrippleddaughterw/braids)thatheshowsthemsecrethikingpathtoincredibleglade,kids frolicinglade,sitwithcrippledprettygirlongrass,latersayitwasmostbeautifuldayoftheir lives,keepintouchwithcrippledgirlviaemail,wearrangesurgeryforherhere,surgeonso touchedheagreestodoforfree,sheisonfrontpageofourpaper,weareonfrontpageoftheir paperinAlps? Haha. (ActuallyhaveneverbeentoEuropemyself.Dadfeltportionstheretoosmall.ThenDad lostjob,gotpaperroute,portionsize=mootpoint.) Havebeensleepwalkingthroughlife,futurereader.Canseethatnow.ScratchOffwinwas likewakeupcall.Inrushtograduatecollege,winPam,getjob,makebabies,moveaheadinjob, forgotformerpresentimentofspecialdestinyIusedtohavewhentiny,sittingincedarsmelling bedroomcloset,lookingupatblowingtreesthroughhighwindows,feelingIwouldsomedaydo somethinggreat. Herebyresolvetolivelifeinnewandmorepowerfulway,startingTHISMOMENT(!). SEPTEMBER23RD

vabeingapain. AsImayhavementionedabove,Eva=sensitive.This=good,PamandIfeel.This= signofintelligence.ButEvaseemstohavesomehowgottenideathatsensitivity=effective waytogetattention,i.e.,hasdevelopedtendencytosetherselfapartfromothers,possiblyas wayofdistinguishingself,i.e.,castingselfasbetter,morerefinedthanothers?Has,inpast, refusedtoeatmeat,sitonleatherseats,useplasticforksmadeinChina.Isendearingenoughin littlekid.ButEvagettingoldernow,thistendencytoobjectonprinciplestartingtofeelabit precious+becomingfundamentaltohowsheviewsself? FamilylifeinourtimesometimesseemslikegameofWhacaMole,futurereader.Future generationsstillhave?Plasticmoleemerges,youwhackwithhammer,hedies,falls,another emerges,youwhack,kill?Sometimesseemsthat,assoonasonekidhappy,anotherkidpops up,i.e.,registerscomplaint,requiringparenttowhackkid,i.e.,addresscomplaint. TodayEvasteacher,Ms.Ross,senthomenote:Evaactingout.Evagrouchy.Evastamped foot.EvathrewfishfoodcontaineratJohnM.whenJohnM.saiditwashisturntofeedfish. ThisnotlikeEva,Ms.R.says:Evasweetestkidinclass. Also,Evasartworkhasrecentlygoneodd.Sampleoddartworkenclosed: Typicalhouse.(Cantellismeanttobeourhousebymockcherrytree=swirlofpink.)In yard,SGsfrowning.One(Betty)havingthoughtincartoonballoon:OUCH!THISSUREHERTS.
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Second(Gwen),pointinglongbonyfingerathouse:THANKSLODES.Third(Lisa),tears rollingdowncheeks:WHATIFIAMYOURDAUHTER? Pam:Well.Thisdoesntseemtobegoingaway. Me:No,itdoesnot. TookEvafordrive.DrovethroughEastridge,LemonHills.Pointedouthousesw/SGs.Had Evakeepcount.Inend,ofapprox.fiftyhouses,thirtyninehad. Eva:So,justbecauseeveryoneisdoingit,thatmakesitright. Thiscute.Evaparrotingme,Pam. StoppedatFritzsChillhouse,hadbananasplit.EvahadSnowMelt.Wesatonbigwooden crocodile,watchedsungodown. Eva:IdontevenIdontevengetithowtheyrenotdead. Suddenlyoccurredtome,w/littlegustofrelief:Evaresistinginpartbecauseshedoesnot understandbasicscienceofthing.AskedEvaifsheevenknewwhatSemplicaPathwaywas.Did not.Drewhumanheadonnapkin,explained:LawrenceSemplica=doctor+smartcookie. Foundwaytoroutemicrolinethroughbrainthatdoesnodamage,causesnopain.Technique useslaserstomakepilotroute.Microlinethenthreadedthroughw/silkleader.Microlinegoes inhere(touchedEvastemple),comesouthere(touchedother).Isverygentle,doesnothurt, SGsasleepduringwholedeal. Thendecidedtolevelw/Eva. Explained:Lillyatcriticaljuncture.Nextyear,Lillywillstarthighschool.Mommyand DaddywantLillytoenterhighschoolasconfidentyoungwoman,feelingherfamilyas good/affluentasanyotherfamily,heryardapprox.inballparkofyardsofpeers,i.e.,notovert sourceofembarrassment. Thistoomuchtoask? Evaquiet. Couldseewheelsturning. EvawildaboutLilly,wouldwalkinfrontoftrainforLilly. Thensharedstoryw/EvaresummerjobIhadinhighschool,atSeorTastys(tacoplace). Washot,wasgreasy,bossmean,bossalwaysgoosinguswithtongs.BytimeIwenthome,hair +shirtalwaysstankofgrease.NowayIcoulddothatjobnow.Butbackthen?Actually enjoyed:flirtedwithcountergirls,participatedinprankswithotheremployees(hidtongsof meanboss,slippedmagazinedownownpantssothat,whenmeanbosstonggoosedme,didnot hurt,meanboss=baffled). Pointis,Isaid,everythingrelative.SGshavelivedverydifferentlivesfromus.Theirlives brutal,harsh,unpromising.Whatlooksscary/unpleasanttousmaynotbesoscary/unpleasant tothem,i.e.,theyhaveseenworse.
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Eva:Youflirtedwithgirls? Me:Idid.DonttellMom. Thatgotlittlesmile. BelieveIsomewhatbrokethroughwithEva.Hopeso. Discussedsituationw/Pamtonight.Pam,asusual,offeredsoundcounsel:Goslow,be patient,Evabright,savvy.Inanothermonth,Evawillhaveadjusted,forgotten,willonceagain beusualhappyself. LovePam. Pammyrock. SEPTEMBER25TH

hit.

Fuck. Familyhitbyabsolutethunderclap,futurereader. Willexplain. Thismorning,kidssittingsleepilyattable,Pammakingeggs,Ferberunderherfeet,hoping scrapoffoodwilldrop.Thomas,eatingbagel,driftstowindow. Thomas:Wow.Whattheheck.Dad?Youbettergetoverhere. Gotowindow. SGsgone. Totallygone(!). Raceout.Rackempty.Microlinegone.Gateopen.Takesomewhatfranticrunupblock,to seeifanysignofthem. Isnot. Racebackinside.CallGreenway,callpolice.Copsarrive,scouryard.Copshowsme microlinedragmarkinmudneargate.Saysthisactuallygoodnews:withmicrolinestillin,will beeasiertolocateSGs,asmicrolinelimitshowfasttheycanwalk,since,fleeingingroup,they areforcedtotakebabysteps,soonedoesnotgettoofarbehind/aheadofothers,hencecausing yankonmicroline,yankthatcoulddamagebrainofoneyanked. Othercopsaysyes,thatwouldbecaseifSGsonfoot.Butcomeon,hesays,SGsnotonfoot, SGsoffinactivistvansomewhere,laughingbuttsoff. Me:Activists. Firstcop:Yeah,youknow:Women4Women,CitizensforEconomicParity,SemplicaRotsin Hell. Secondcop:Fourthincidentthismonth. Firstcop:Thosegalsdidntgetdownbythemselves. Me:Whywouldtheydothat?Theychosetobehere.Whywouldtheygooffwithsometotal
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Copslaugh. Firstcop:SmellingthatAmericandream,baby. Kidsbeyondfreaked.Kidshuddlednearfence. Schoolbuscomesandgoes. Greenwayfieldrep(Rob)arrives.Rob=tall,thin,bent.Lookslikearcherybow,ifarchery bowhadpiercedear+longhairlikepirate,waswearingshortleathervest. Robimmediatelydropsbombshell:saysheissorrytohavetobemoreorlessahardassin ourtimeoftrial,butislegallyobligatedtoinformusthat,perouragreementw/Greenway,if SGsnotlocatedwithinthreeweeks,wewill,atthattime,becomeresponsibleforfullpayment oftherequiredReplacementDebit. Pam:Wait,thewhat? PerRob,ReplacementDebit=$100/month,perindividual,pereachmonthstillremaining ontheirGreenwaycontractsattimeofloss(!).Betty(21monthsremaining)=$2,100Tami(13 months)=$1,300Gwen(18months)=$1,800Lisa(34months(!))=$3,400. Total:$2,100+$1,300+$1,800+$3,400=$8,600. Pam:Fucksake. Rob:Believeme,Iknow,thatsalotofmoney,right?Butourtakeonitisor,youknow, theirtakeonit,Greenwaystakeisthatweortheymadeaninitialinvestment,and,Imean, obviously,thatwasnotcheap,justintermsoflikevisasandairfaresandall? Pam:Noonesaidanythingtousaboutthis. Me:Atall. Rob:Huh.Whowasonyouraccountagain? Me:Melanie? Rob:Right,yeah,Ihadafeeling.WithMelanie,Melaniewassometimesrushingthrough thingstoclosethedeal.EspeciallywithPackageAfolks,whoweregoingchintzyinthefirst place?Nooffense.Anyway,whichiswhyshesgone.Ifyouwanttoyellather,gotoHome Depot.ShessecondinchargeofPaint,probablylyingherbuttoffaboutwhichcoloriswhich. Feelangry,violated:someonecameintoouryardindarkofnight,whilekidssleeping nearby,stole?Stolefromus?Stole$8,600,plusinitialcostofSGs(approx.$7,400)? Pam(tocop):Howoftendoyoufindthem? Firstcop:Honestly?Idhavetosayrarely. Secondcop:Morelikenever. Firstcop:Well,neveryet. Secondcop:Right.Theresalwaysafirsttime. Copsleave.
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Pam(toRob):Sowhathappensifwedontpay? Me:Cantpay. Rob(uncomfortable,blushing):Well,thatwouldbemoreofanissueforLegal. Pam:Youdsueus? Rob:Iwouldnt.Theywould.Imean,thatswhattheydo.Theywhatsthatword?They garneryour Pam(harshly):Garnish. Rob:Sorry.Sorryaboutallthis.Melanie,wow,Iamgoingtosnapyourheadbackusingthat stupidbraidofyours.Justkidding!Inevereventalktoher.Butthethingis:allthisisinyour contract.Youguysreadyourcontract,right? Silence. Me:Well,wewerekindofinahurry.Wewerethrowingaparty. Rob:Oh,sure,Irememberthatparty.Thatwassomeparty.Wewerealldiscussingthat. Robleaves. Pam(livid):Youknowwhat?Fuckem.Letemsue.Imnotpaying.Thatsobscene.They canhavethestupidhouse. Lilly:Arewelosingthehouse? Me:Werenotlosingthe Pam:Youdontthink?Whatdoyouthinkhappensifyouowesomeoneninegrandand cantpay? Me:Look,letscalmdown,noneedtogetall Evaslowerlipoutinprecryingway.Think,Oh,great,niceparenting,arguing+swearing +raisingspectreoflossofhouseinfrontoftightlywoundkidalreadyupsetbytroubling eventsofday. ThenEvaburstsintotears,startsmumbling,Sorrysorrysorry. Pam:Oh,sweetie,Iwasjustbeingsilly.Werenotgoingtolosethehouse.Mommyand Daddywouldneverletthat Lightgoesoninmyhead. Me:Eva.Youdidnt. LookinEvaseyessays,Idid. Pam:Didwhat? Thomas:Evadidit? Lilly:HowcouldEvadoit?Shesonlyeight.Icouldnteven Evaleadsusoutside,showsushowshedid:Draggedoutstepladder,stoodonstepladderat endofmicroline,releasedlefthandEzyReleeselever,thendraggedstepladdertootherend, releasedrighthandEzyReleese.Atthatpoint,microlinecompletelyloose,SGsstandingon
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ground. SGsbrieflyconfer. Andofftheygo. Amsomad.Evahasmadehugemesshere.Hugemessforus,yes,butalsoforSGs.Where areSGsnow?Ingoodplace?Isitgoodwhenillegalfugitivesinstrangelandhavenomoney, nofood,nowater,areforcedtohideinwoods,swamp,etc.,connectedviamicroline,likechain gang? Notetofuturegenerations:Sometimes,inourtime,familiesgetintodarkplace.Family feels:wearelosers,everythingwedoiswrong.Parentsfightathighvolume,blamingeach otherfordisastroussituation.Fatherkickswall,putsholeinwallnearfridge.Familyskips lunch.Tensiontoohighforalltositatsametable.Thisunbearable.Thismakesperson(Father) doubtvalueofwholeenterprise,i.e.,makesFather(me)wonderifhumanswouldnotbebetter offlivingalone,individually,inwoods,mindingownbeeswax,notlovinganyone. Todaylikethatforus. Stormedouttogarage.Stupidsquirrel/mousestainstillthereafteralltheseweeks.Used bleach+hosetoeradicate.Inresultingcalm,satonwheelbarrow,hadtolaughatsituation.Won ScratchOff,greatestluckoflife,quicklyconvertedgreatestluckoflifeintogreatestfiascoof life. Laughterturnedtotears. Pamcameout,askedhadIbeencrying?Isaidno,justgotdustineyesfromcleaning garage.Pamnotbuying.Pamgavemelittlesidehug+hipnudge,tosay,Youwerecrying,is O.K.,isdifficulttime,Iknow. Pam:Comeoninside.Letsgetthingsbacktonormal.Wellgetthroughthis.Thekidsare dyinginthere,theyfeelsobad. Wentinside. Kidsatkitchentable. Openedarms.ThomasandLillyrushedover. Evastayedsitting. WhenEvatiny,hadbigheadofblackcurls.Wouldstandoncouch,eatingcerealfrom coffeemug,dancingtosonginhead,flickingaroundcordfromwindowblinds. Nowthis:Evasittingw/headinhandslikeheartbrokenoldladymourninglossofvigorous flowerofyouth,etc.,etc. Wentover,scoopedEvaup. Poorthingshakinginmyarms. Eva(inwhisper):Ididntknowwewouldlosethehouse. Me:Werenotwerenotgoingtolosethehouse.MommyandIaregoingtofigurethis
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out. SentkidsofftowatchTV. Pam:So.YouwantmetocallDad? DidnotwantPamcallingPamsdad. Pamsdadsfirstname=Rich.ActuallycallsselfFarmerRich.Isfunnybecauseheisrich farmer.Intermsofme,doesnotlikeme.HassaidatvarioustimesthatI(1)amnothardworker, and(2)hadbetterwatchselfintermsofweight,and(3)hadbetterwatchselfintermsofcredit cards. FarmerRichinverygoodshape,withnocreditcards. FarmerRichnotfanofSGs.FeelshavingSGs=showoffymove.Thinksanythingfun= showoffymove.Evengoingtomovie=showoffymove.Goingtocarwash,i.e.,notdoingself, indriveway=showoffymove.Once,whenvisiting,lookeddubiouslyatmewhenIsaidIhadto getrootcanal.What,Iwasthinking,rootcanal=showoffymove?Butno:justdisapprovedof dentistIhadchosen,duetohehadseendentistsTVad,feltdentisthavingTVad=showoffy move. SodidnotwantPamcallingFarmerRich. ToldPamwemusttryourbesttohandlethisourselves. Gotoutbills,didmockpaymentexercise:Ifwepaymortgage,heatbill,AmEx,plus$200in billswedeferredlasttime,wouldbedownnearzero($12.78remaining).IfwedeferAmEx+ Visa,thatwouldfreeup$880.If,inaddition,weskipmortgagepayment,heatbill,life insurancepremium,thatwouldstillonlyfreeupmeaslytotalof$3,100. Me:Shit. Pam:MaybeIllemailhim.Youknow.Justseewhathesays. PamupstairsemailingFarmerRichasIwrite. SEPTEMBER26TH

henIgothome,Pamstandingindoorwayw/emailfromFarmerRich. FarmerRich=bastard. Willquoteinpart: Letusnowspeakofwhatyouintendtodowiththerequestedmoney.Willyoubeputtingit asideforacollegefund?Youwillnot.Investinginrealestate?No.Givenachancetoplant someseeds,youflushedthosevaluableseeds(dollars)away.Andforwhat?Adisplaysomefind pretty.Well,Idonotfinditpretty.Sincewhenarepeopleondisplayadesirablesight?Do goodersinourchurchciteconditionsofpoverty.O.K.,thatisfine.Butitappearsyouwillsoon haveasituationofpovertywithinyourownwalls.AndphysicianhealthyselfisamottoIhave oftrememberedwhentemptedtoputmyoarinrelativetosomesocialcauseoranother.Soam goingtosayno.Youpeoplehavewalkedyourselvesintosomedeepwaterandmustnowwalk
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yourselvesout,teachingyourkids(andselves)avaluablelessonfromwhich,inthelongterm, youandyourswillbenefit. Longsilence. Pam:Jesus.Isntthisjustlikeus? Donotknowwhatshemeans.Or,rather,doknowbutdonotagree.Or,rather,agreebut wishshewouldnotsay.Whysay?Sayingisnegative,makesusfeelbadaboutselves. IsaymaybeweshouldjustconfesswhatEvadid,hopeformercyfromGreenway. Pamsaysno,no:Wentonlinetoday.ReleasingSGs=felony(!).Doesnotfeeltheywould prosecuteeightyearold,butstill.Ifweconfess,thisgoesonEvasrecord?Evarequiredtoget counselling?Evafeels:Iambadkid?Startserringonsideofbad,hangingoutwithrough crowd,lookingaskanceatwholenotionofachievement?Failstoliveuptofullpotential,all becauseofonemistakeshemadewhenlittlegirl? No. Cannottakechance. Whenkidsborn,PamandIdroppedeverything(youthfuldreamsoftravel,adventure,etc.) tobegoodparents.Hasnotbeenexcitinglife.Hasbeenmuchdrudgery.Manynights,tasks undone,havestayeduplate,exhausted,doingtasks.Onmanyoccasions,dishevelled+tired, babypoopand/orvomitonourshirtorblouse,oneofushasstoodsmilingwearily/angrilyat camerabeingheldbyother,hairshaggybecausehaircutsexpensive,unfashionableglasses slippingdownnosesbecauseneverwastimetogetglassestightened. Andnow,afterallthat,ouryoungesttostartoutlifew/potentialblackmarkonrecord? Thatnothappening. PamandIdiscuss,agree:mustbelikesineaterswho,inancienttimes,atesin.Orbodiesof sinners?Atemealsoffbodiesofsinnerswhohaddied?Cannotexactlyrecallwhatsineaters did.ButPamandIagree:aregoingtobelikesineatersinsenseof,willerronsideof protectingEva,keepcopsindarkatallcost,breaklawasreqd(!). Justnowwentdownhalltocheckonkids.Thomassleepingw/Ferber.Thisnotallowed.Eva inbedw/Lilly.Thisnotallowed.Eva,sourceofallmayhem,sleepinglikebaby. FeltlikewakingEva,givingEvahug,tellingEvathat,thoughwedonotapproveofwhat shedid,shewillalwaysbeourgirl,willalwaysbeappleofoureye(s). Didnotdo. Evaneedsrest. OnLillysdesk:posterLillywasworkingonforFavoriteThingsDayatschool.Poster= photoofeachSG,plusmapofhomecountry,plusstoriesLillyapparentlygotduringinterview (!)witheach.Gwen(Moldova)=verytough,duetoMoldovanyouth:usedbloodysheetsfound intrash+ducttapetomakesoccerball,then,aftermuchpracticewithbloodysheetball,nearly
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madeOlympicteam(!).Betty(Philippines)hasdaughter,who,whenswimming,willsometimes hitchrideonshellofseaturtle.Lisa(Somalia)oncesawliononroofofherunclesmini lorry.Tami(Laos)hadpetwaterbuffalo,waterbuffalosteppedonherfoot,nowTamimust wearspecialshoe.FunFact:theirnames(Betty,Tami,etal.)nottheirrealnames.These=SG names,givenbyGreenwayattimeofarrival.Tami=Januka=happyrayofsun.Betty= Nenita=blessedbeloved.Gwen=Evgenia.(Doesnotknowwhathernamemeans.)Lisa =Ayan=happytraveller. SGsverymuchonmymindtonight,futurereader. Wherearetheynow?Whydidtheyleave? Justdonotget. Lettercomes,familycelebrates,girlshedstears,stoicallypacksbag,thinks,Mustgo,am familysonlyhope.Putsonbraveface,promisesshewillreturnassoonascontractcomplete. Hermotherfeels,fatherfeels:Wecannotlethergo.Buttheydo.Theymust. Wholetownwalksgirltotrainstation/busstation/ferrystop?Moretears,morevows.As train/bus/ferrypullsaway,shetakeslastfondlookatsurroundinghills/river/quarry/shacks, whatever,i.e.,allshehaseverknownofworld,sayingtoself,Benotafraid,youwillreturn,+ returninvictory,w/bigbagofgifts,etc.,etc. Andnow? Nomoney,nopapers.Whowillremovemicroline?Whowillgiveherjob?Whengoingfor job,mustfixhairsoastohidescarsatInsertionPoints.Whenwillsheeverseeherhome+ familyagain?Whywouldshedothis?Whywouldsheruinall,leaveouryard?Couldhavehad nicelongrunw/us.Whatintheworldwassheseeking?Whatcouldshewantsomuch,that wouldmakeherpullsuchdesperatestunt? Justnowwenttowindow. Emptyrackinyard,lookingstrangeinmoonlight. Notetoself:CallGreenway,havethemtakeuglythingaway.
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