Do You Know How to Really Listen?

We usually only recall about 50% of what we have heard immediately after listening to someone talk. We're generally too busy forming our next thought or looking for a break in the conversation so we can jump in. Or we're busy forming judgments, opinions or beliefs about the speaker. We might even be thinking about something totally different like what's for dinner. The Value of Listening Being a good listener helps you build solid relationships based on trust and understanding. This is important for your business and personal relationships. If you're a good listener you're going to learn not only about the person talking, but also valuable information that will help you in life. "A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something." Wilson Mizner What to Listen for Listen for not just what the other person is saying but how they are saying it. For instance, what feelings or emotions are being expressed? Listen to the pitch, tone and rhythm of the person's speech. A faster pace might be a sign of excitement, while a slow monotonous tone can indicate a lack of enthusiasm. A higher pitch and inability to match breathing to speech can be a sign of anxiety. Listen to what the person is NOT saying. People don't always tell you everything that's happening. Listen for subtle changes in voice, avoidance of questions or a change in subject. "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." -- Peter Drucker Listen Up How to be a Good Listener Active listening is harder than it sounds. Here are some rules to help guide you.

Be quiet - be quiet when someone speaks. If you're talking, either outloud or inside your head, then you're not listening. Give the speaker your full attention.

"You have two ears and one mouth" - my mother

Paraphrase - Verify what you're hearing by repeating it back in your own words. Obviously, you're not going to do this with every point, but for really important concepts or points in the converation, this can be very effective.

Ask questions - Questions, especially open-ended ones, encourage the speaker to give more information and provide more insights. Questions that begin with "what" or "why" are often good ones. Wait - Wait a few seconds before replying to what the person has just said. Give them the chance to finish their thoughts. Think of this acronym: WAIT = Why Am I Talking? Suspend judgment - Our judgments can impair our listening. We often have preconceptions about what the person is saying that shape the parts of the conversation we hear and the parts we don't hear. We might tune into the parts we find interesting and tune out to the parts we find boring. Our judgments and opinions are really about us (our own life journey) and not about the other person. Use your intuition - listen from the heart and pick up on all communication.
Role of group leader

Use open-ended questions to start discussions. Encourage all members to ask questions. Respond with a positive comment or summary each time a member makes a contribution. Give your full attention to each person's contribution. Refrain from negative comments about member's contributions. Don't take sides, instead summarize opinion differences. State that issues can be viewed from different perspectives. Seek equal input from all members. ACTIVELY LISTEN to all members. Focus discussion on the purpose of the group. Check perceptions of the group. Convey the meaning of what a team member has said so that all members can understand. Clarify statements. Sort out the confusing and conflicting. Restate and summarize major ideas and feelings. Summarize points of opinion differences among team members. Encourage open expression of member's feelings and thoughts. Avoid frequent questioning. Too many questions at one time are annoying. Confirm members' ideas, emphasize the facts and encourage further discussion.
verytime we have a GD, participants play some or the other familiar role in it. Role of a group member 1. Mr. Brain/Plant : He brings in a lot of substance and comes up with wide interpretations of the topic. Downside: It is difficult to stop him, as he is preoccupied with topic discussion as opposed to group discussion. He is happily obvious to simple things like who is sitting next to him. At the end of the GD if you happen to ask him whether the person sitting next to him was a boy or a girl, the answer would likely be I do not know.

2. Shopkeeper : He is the sales man who can sell anything, has the gift of the gab, a very strong ability to relate to people and be at the centre of things. Downside: He does not usually come up with original thoughts himself. Needs Mr. Brains to feed him with ready-made ideas that he can sell.

3. Watchman : His role is to maintain order in the group, usually content is low. Pre-occupied with directing the group process such as controlling entry and exit of participants. He is crucial for meeting time commitments made to the panel. Especially, in ensuring consensus.

4. Critic : He criticizes everybodys points without contributing anything new. 5. The Butcher : Does great service to the group by enhancing the quality of content by not letting participants get away with just about anything. Is most welcome in a group which has one or two aggressive elements in it.

6. The Spectator or The Passenger: Is involved in the proceedings but plays a limited role. Contribution is very limited and does not affect the out come of the group task.

Group Discussion Leaders Roles Note: Your RDPs should adequately prepare you for group discussion, though just doing the readings will suffice.

1. Initiating Get the discussion started or restarted to avoid group silence. One way group discussion leaders can do this by posing a few specific questions on the particular readings. 2. Facilitating participation It is very important that you make sure that all members get at least an opportunity to participate or speak. If anyone or few dominate a group, it is your responsibility to try to rectify that; this may mean going around in-turn or calling on people. 3. Expediting and summarizing Keep the discussion on topic and moving. It is also includes summarizing what the group has said and moving on. In addition you should be prepared to clarify (try to explain) information and synthesize it on occasion (draw connections between different readings or points), or ask the professor for help when needed.

4. When provided, use some of the guidelines, questions, or other materials I will provide to give guidance or focus for specific topics or readings

Roles for All in group discussion

Giving and asking for information & reactions & critiques

You must TALK & LISTEN to each other to get information, and more so to raise new points and insights that may only emerge through discussion. Group members should take seriously and respond to each others comments and contributions. The point is not to each give presentations, but rather to engage all members in an interactive discussion (statement and response, and further response, etc.). Discussing and Questioning each others interpretations of materials Explaining, questioning, and debating various interpretations of the readings and related issues they raise facilitates greater learning and understanding! Various group members may have differing interpretations on what the readings say or mean (which is natural). It is important to solicit, question, and discuss each others interpretations of the readings or the larger issues they raise, because this typically enhances the learning process for everyone. Stay on topic Though this exercise ideally often leads to a free-wheeling discussion, it is important to not stray off topic too far, and instead try to link your comments to the readings in some way, at least occasionally e.g., referring to them as a point of departure for your comments.