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Afterdays

Daniel Clark
© 1995

Part One: Days

April 14, 2004

Poli-ticked Off

The government plays very fast and loose


with the truth -- they do not speak with candor.
They're giving us a right and proper goose.
They're feeding us a plate of propergander !

April 14

Devi Mantra

Uma Durga Radha Kali


Subhadra Vajreshvari

April 14

A Presidential Pep Talk

Stand firm, stand firm,


and stay the course.
Once you're in the saddle,
don't get off the horse !
Ride on, ride on,
into the night.
Once you start shooting,
don't give up the fight !

April 15

Good Cheers

Mine Ray
Huh Nine Ray
Huh Mine Ray
Huh Nuh-Nuh
Pee-Toh Lumma-Nuh-Nuh
Pee-Toh Lumma-Nuh-Nuh
Pee-Toh Lumma-Nuh-Nuh
Bola Tunga Wauw

April 15

First and Last

When you're young, you want to be older.


When you're old, you want to be young.
When you're born, your story's been told and
when you're dead, you've hardly begun.
Take your time. Don't live in the future.
Take your time. Don't live in the past.
Now's the time to get so much closer
to yourself as you are first and last.

April 16

Cheer

Heych Heych
Rimmi Tikki Lumba
Hey Toh Kah
Hey Toh Kah

April 16

Hail Eve

Inanna Inanna Inanna Astarte


Ashtoreth Ashtoreth
Inanna Inanna Inanna Ishtar
Ashtoreth Ashtoreth

April 16

Athenaia

Eos Hera Persephone


Hecate Circe
Gaia Rhea Aphrodite
Demeter Dike
April 16

Everybody

Maybe everybody's everybody's doormat.


Maybe nobody's been doing what they want.
Maybe we're forced into somebody else's format,
and we're forcing our agenda in response.
But if what I do is always what you do,
And what you do has likewise come from me,
then we end up -- with nothing -- to do.
But wait a minute. Now I think I see!
Yes, everybody's everybody's teacher!
And enlightenment is closer than we think.
Yes, the brilliant heart of love in every creature
can illuminate the way to interlink.
Listen to your neighbor's voice.
It is your own! Oh now rejoice!

April 19

Gopi Mantra

Lalita Vishaka
Chitra Rangadevi
Indulekha Tungavidya
Champakalata Sudevi

According to a Sanskrit scripture, the Gopis are as


worshipable as Krishna, the Supreme Godhead.

April 21

Mother

Margot Adler introduced this chant at a Unitarian gathering


maybe 20 years ago:

Mother I can feel you under my feet


Mother I can hear your heart beat
Mother I can see you when the eagle flies
Mother will you take me higher

She sang it to a Native-American-sounding tune.


April 23

Mother Haraa

I want to repeat "Mother Haraa" continuously day and night,


waking and sleeping, working and playing, happy and sad,
for better or worse, till death plays its part. The words come
from a 1966 talk from my guru. He said:

"The word Haraa is a form of addressing the energy of the


Lord ... Haraa is the supreme pleasure potency of the Lord
... the spiritual potency ... the internal energy ... Mother
Haraa."

He never called her The Goddess. For him she was primarily
Radha, Radhika, Radharani, Shrimati Radharani.

His religion was built like a citadel, surrounded by a high wall


displaying the majesty of God. But within the wall She was
the deity, and love was all in all.

April 25

The Masculine Fear of the Feminine

Lorelei, Lorelei --
her song entrances and then it horrifies.
Lilith, Lilith --
she's what Adam's troubles begin with.
Jezebel, Jezebel --
she'll jazz you all the way down to hell.
Delilah, Delilah --
you'll die if you lie down beside her.
The Serpent, The Serpent --
she sinuously spreads perversion.
Emotion, Emotion --
she's a monster at the bottom of the ocean.
The Body, The Body --
she's an enemy who's always plotting.
The Female, The Female --
she's laughing as she locks you in jail.
A Woman, A Woman --
has a selfish heart with no more room in.
A Woman, A Woman --
she's the Devil, that's what I'm assumin'.
A Woman, A Woman --
her evil fire is always fumin'.
A Woman, A Woman --
her evil flowers are always bloomin'.

I hope it's clear from my other entries in this journal that I'm not affirming
the point of view expressed in this diatribe. However, as a male person, I
must admit that it was all too easy to assume the persona necessary to
compose it. Is that little weasel within a product of nature or nurture? I
don't know. In any case, it's clear that he has been with us for many a
millennium.

April 26

Mangling

While pruning a tall hedge along our northeast fence, I


thought:

o what a mangled world we wove


when first we cut the sacred grove

The original lines by Sir Walter Scott have been "mangled"


many times, I learned later by Googling them.

April 29

The Whole

How about this. What if we were to consider God with


relation to the spiritual world and not the material world. In
that context, such designations as The Creator, The Source,
The Origin, have no meaning.

Those terms only refer to God's action upon matter, with God
as an entity existing prior to material existence. In the
spiritual existence, however, nothing is prior to anything else.
Everything is eternal. There is no time, as we know time
anyway. All entities in the spiritual world exist simultaneously
eternally. No one "came before" the others.

OK. But now, let's suppose that one of them contains the
others. One of them is The Whole and the others are parts.
That one, who is in a sense the only one, and the only
existence, is God -- or Goddess.
April 29

Untitled

"The Tonglen is an ancient Tibetan Buddhist meditation


where the meditator openly invites in all the emotional pain
they've avoided. This pain is brought into the heart and felt
there.

"Additionally all the pain of the world is also added to the


meditator's pain. The meditator stays open to this pain,
feeling all of it. Some simple breathing is done during this
meditation. With each inhalation you take in the pain of the
world and with each exhalation you release compassion, joy,
and peace upon the world.

"The Tonglen helps its practioners to face emotional pain, to


become aware of pain in others, and to get used to sharing
the good with others."

-- Steve Mensing

It may have been with this in mind that I wrote down these
words:

I'm in a pickle
cuz I don't have a nickle.
No I don't have a penny
to my name.
I could be famous and rich
but I can't buy a sandwich.
And they took away the dumpster
that I'd claimed.

Lord lift me up,


I'm sinking in the muck.
Lord give me hope,
I'm at the dead end of my rope.

My clothes are torn and tattered


cuz my life dreams all were shattered.
Oh, I lost my shirt when the tech
bubble burst.
Then my wife left with the kids
and I went on the skids.
My sad life story went from
bad to worse.

Lord lift me up,


I'm sinking in the muck.
Lord give me hope,
I'm at the dead end of my rope.

My friends on the streets


were CEOs and PHDs.
Now we're all in the same old
leaky boat.
We're smoking used cigars
and stopping people's cars
t'polish headlights and try to
stay afloat.

Lord lift me up,


I'm sinking in the muck.
Lord give me hope,
I'm at the dead end of my rope.

There's a shelter over there,


and they really seem to care.
But the funds are running lower
every day.
With no pillow for my head
I might as well be dead.
No, there's nothing left for me and
so I pray --

Lord lift me up,


I'm sinking in the muck.
Lord give me hope,
I'm at the dead end of my rope.

April 30

The Form of The Whole

What is the form of The Whole? Since you have to be


outside a form to be able to see it, we cannot know what the
form of The Whole is. We are inside it. It's like scientists
speculating on the shape of our universe. We may have our
theories, but it's really a mystery. The form of The Whole is
eternally a mystery.
date?

The Rooms

As a youth, I thought the place where I lived was the only


place. But then I bumped against a wall. Oh, I thought, this
place isn't the whole world. It's a room.

I walked along the wall. Before long I came to a window. So,


I thought, there's an outside to this inside. But the view was
foggy. I couldn't see much out there. Still, I thought, there
must be a way of getting there.

Before long I came to a door. It was locked. So I had to find


the key. It took me a long time to find it. When I opened the
door, I hoped I'd reached the outside. I couldn't tell at first.
The place was so big compared to the room I'd left. (I kept
the door open just in case I wanted to go back.)

Eventually I discovered it was another room, with another


window and door. The view out the window was clearer, but
not clear enough to make out much detail. Again, after a long
time finding the key, I left that room behind.

Even the next place, though larger still, was a room. I left
that one just a few days ago. Where I am now does look like
what I saw out that window. Am I really outside, or is this just
another room?

All those doors behind me are still open. Sometimes I return,


out of affection. But I know my true direction is forward. In
every case, the trick has been finding the key. Do I need to
find another key? Or are the ones I have in my hand now the
only ones I'll ever need?

May 3

Cheer

Bo-ee-tay
Hulla-munna-na-na

Hey look, don't ask me. These things come to me, that's all. I
like the feelings I have when I blurt them out, so I note them
down.
May 3

Oh Mother Haraa Mantra

Oh Mother Haraa
My Mother Haraa
Our Mother Haraa My Friends
Holy Mother Haraa
Haraa (Sanskrit) "Savioress"

date?

You Are the Mother of God

You are worshipped, Holy Goddess,


in every land, at every time,
as a meadow sweet and modest,
as a mountain hard to climb,
as the storehouse of all wisdom,
as the patroness of arts,
as the atoms of the cosmos,
as the passion in all hearts.

You are the Mother of God.


You are the power behind the throne.
You are the force. You are the source.
The form of the whole is your own.

We often see you with your God,


as consort of his majesty.
You gladly serve the Supreme Lord,
whose greatness is no fantasy.
But the subtle silent secret fact
is that you're the one who's in command.
The Godhead's every marvelous act
is manifested by your hand.

You are the Mother of God.


You are the power behind the throne.
You are the force. You are the source.
The form of the whole is your own.

Only worship can be primal.


Only worship, nothing else.
Only worship, first and final,
gushing outward from itself.
You are worship, pure devotion,
casting off your dominance
to set the worship wheels in motion
and birth a partner for your dance.

You are the Mother of God.


You are the power behind the throne.
You are the force. You are the source.
The form of the whole is your own.

Yin and Yang, the perfect couple,


the two of you is what we see.
But we are simply seeing double,
while blinded to your mystery.
Your paradox defeats our minds.
How mild the mighty has become!
Goddess, you have been so kind
to leave the home where you were One.

You are the Mother of God.


You are the power behind the throne.
You are the force. You are the source.
The form of the whole is your own.

date?

Mother Earth Mantra

Dearest Goddess
Mother Earth --
In your body
mine takes birth.
Thinking your thoughts
is my worth --
nearest Goddess
Mother Earth.

date?

Radha Mantra

Radha, Radha, baby on a lotus at first --


Radha, Radha, you're the one who Krishna prefers.
Radha, Radha, girl in love and our Mother Earth --
Radha, Radha, you're the source of the universe.
May 11

Kirtan at Kashi

We went to the Tuesday kirtan at Kashi tonight. I brought my


tambura. It was a small group -- just six of us. Harmonium,
hand cymbals, and tamboura. These were the mantras we
sang:

Kali Durge Namo Namah


Kali Durge Namo Namah
Kali Durge Namo Namah
Kali Durge Namo Namah

Yamuna Tira Bihari


Vrindavana Sanchari
Govardhana Giridhari
Gopala Krishna Murari

Kali Bina Ma Kali Jaya Jaya


Uma Rama Brahmani Jaya Jaya
Radhe Site Rukmini Jaya Jaya

That's "Rama" with the accent on the second syllable -- the


goddess, not the god.

May 25

beach haiku

o ocean mother
let me touch the white fringes
of your deep blue robe

May 29

library ad

Would you pay


$16.10 a year for
unlimited DVD rentals?
Guess what. You already do.
(Members of property tax paying households
in Indian River County are levied a statistical
average of $16.10 to run the Library System.)
And it's good for
unlimited books, music CDs,
audiobooks, and magazines too.
(Hey, we'll even throw in
Hi-Speed Internet computer use!)
Come to the Library--
It's the smart thing to do...

May 31

Your Eyes

your hair
and the answer it gave
made me your slave
on the 10:30 boat
your teeth
signed a contract my dear
as we sang "Chanticleer"
in a land so remote
a market of fantasies
and silly delights
why are we granted these
on millions of nights
your nails
never wandered away
and the lizards still play
a sweet melody
your gun
it reflected the sun
and remembered someone
you might have set free
why does the dust storm
dance pirouettes
why do the unborn
never forget
your eyes
your eyes
your eyes
your eyes
June 6

Four Ladies

Vajreshvari
Vajreshvari
Uma Ambika Chandika
Vajreshvari

June 11

Just a Flash

"There is no time.
It is all just a flash,"
my guru once said,
one day in the past.
Or was it tomorrow?
I'm not making sense
without putting my words
in one temporal tense.
But mystical vision
can show us just how
there is no division.
Everything's now.
The guru's eyes are opened wide.
They see eternity inside.

June 12

Byron Katie

Here are some excerpts from Byron Katie's book, Loving


What Is.

"The more clearly you understand yourself and your


emotions, the more you become a lover of what is." --
Spinoza

"We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our


thoughts about what happens." -- Epictetus

What's true is always what's happening, not the story about


what should be happening.
We don't attach to people or to things; we attach to
uninvestigated concepts that we believe to be true in the
moment.

Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation


-- from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for
fun.

The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that


argues with what is.

All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.

Being mentally in your business keeps me from being


present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering
why my life doesn't work.

To think that I know what's best for anyone else is to be out


of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure
arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear.

Just to notice that you're in someone else's business can


bring you back to your own wonderful self.

And if you practice it for a while, you may come to see that
you don't have any business either, and that your life runs
perfectly well on its own.

How much of your world is made up of unexamined stories?


You never know until you inquire.

Any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that


says, "You're caught in the dream."

Above all else, inquiry is about realizing that all the answers
we ever need are always available to us.

When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who
you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that
everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking.

When you realize that every stressful moment you


experience is a gift that points to your own freedom, life
becomes very kind and abundant beyond all limits.
My experience is that the teachers we need most are the
people we're living with now. Our spouses, parents, and
children are the clearest masters we could hope for. Again
and again, they will show us the truth we don't want to see,
until we see it.

What is already true is much better without any plan of mine.


Love is so big that you can die in it -- die of self and be fully
consumed by it. It's what you are, and it will have all of you
back to itself again.

My experience is that you can't drop a thought, because you


didn't have it in the first place.

The thoughts that used to send us into depression -- those


same thoughts, once understood, send us into laughter.
And it's nothing more than clarity.

If I think that someone else is causing my problem, I'm


insane.

The problems stopped. I didn't stop them; they stopped.

This is unconditional love, even though it's a totally selfish


act. It's truth owning itself. Once this is experienced, self-love
becomes so greedy that there's no limit to the people it can
serve. That's why to love one person unconditionally is to
love all people.

In my experience, we don't make thoughts appear, they just


appear. One day, I noticed that their appearance just wasn't
personal. Noticing that really makes it simpler to inquire.

It's the job of everyone in this world to judge.

...travel into the infinite mind...

Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.

The answer to Question 4 ["Who would I be without this


thought?"] can also leave us without an identity. This is very
exciting. You're left with nothing and as nothing other than
the reality of the moment ... it leaves no illusion of a past or
future.
As long as you think that the cause of your problem is "out
there" -- as long as you think that anyone or anything is
responsible for your suffering -- the situation is hopeless. It
means that you are forever in the role of the victim, that
you're suffering in paradise.

Who is more unkind -- Paul (who insulted you once today) or


you (who multiplied his insult over and over again in your
mind)?

Your perceived enemy is the projection of your thinking.


In discovering the innocence of the person you judged, you
eventually come to recognize your own innocence.

When you see how you have been preaching to others, go


back and make amends, and let them know how difficult it is
for you to do what you wanted them to do.

...list as many of your lies as you can remember and report


them to that person...

Apologize and make amends for your own sake.

It's good to acknowledge that the same feelings or situation


may happen again, if only in your thoughts. When you
realize that suffering and discomfort are the call to inquiry,
you may actually begin to look forward to uncomfortable
feelings.

Our thinking is all we need to change. It's all we can change.


This is very good news.

When we begin to live in reality and see it for what it is


without our old stories, it's incredible. Look at this for a
moment without a story. It's all reality: God. I call it God
because it rules, it always is what it is.

Every concept that has ever existed is inside you. It's not
personal. After all these thousands of years, the thoughts are
still in each of us, waiting to be met with some friendship and
a little understanding finally, rather that with pills and running
and hiding and arguing and sexing, because we don't know
what else to do with them. When the thoughts arise, just
meet them with some integrity.
There's no such thing as verbal abuse. There's only
someone telling me a truth that I don't want to hear. If I were
really able to hear my accuser, I would find my freedom. The
"you" you're identified with doesn't want to be discovered,
because that is its death. When someone tells me that I lied,
for example, I just go inside to see if they're right. If I can't
find it in the situation they've mentioned, I can find it in some
other situation, maybe twenty years ago. And then I can say,
"Sweetheart, I am a liar. I see where you're right about me."
In this we've found something in common.

I can find those pieces of who I am from them. This is the


beginning of self-love.

If your uncle says something that hurts, he's just revealed


what you haven't wanted to look at yet. The man is a
Buddha.

Your uncle knows exactly what to say, because he's you,


giving you back to yourself.

In this process of inquiry, we're not dealing with people;


we're dealing with thoughts and concepts, and people of all
ages -- eight or eighty -- have the same concepts.

Young or old, we believe concepts that through inquiry are


seen to be nothing more than superstitions.

I'm doing whatever you say I'm doing. I am your story of me


-- no more and no less.

Honey, the decisions will make themselves for you as you


inquire.

Nothing ever goes wrong in life. Life is heaven, except for


our attachment to a story that we haven't investigated.

What is is. I am not running this show. I don't belong to


myself, and you don't belong to yourself. We are not ours.
We are the "is."

When you become a lover of what is, there are no more


decisions to make. In my life, I just wait and watch. I know
that the decision will be made in its own time, so I let go of
when, where, and how. I like to say I'm a woman with no
future. When there are no decisions to make, there's no
planned future. All my decisions are made for me, just as
they're all made for you. When you mentally tell yourself the
story that you have something to do with it, you're attaching
to an underlying belief.

We never receive more than we can handle, and there is


always just one thing to do. Life never gets more difficult
than that.

How can you not think about something? It's thinking you.
Meeting thought with understanding is as good as it's going
to get. It will work.

Thoughts appear. How are you going to meet them? That's


all we're talking about here.

When there's no decision, there's no fear, so I just enjoy the


trip!

It's already happening. Free fall. I have nothing to do with it.


Maybe things are just moving right along, without our help.

Life will give you everything you need to go deeper.

Feel where your hands are. And your feet. This is good.
Without a story, it's always good, everywhere you sit.

This is about realization, not about changing anything. The


world is as you perceive it to be.

But when you meet your thoughts with understanding, the


world changes. It has to change, because the projector of
the entire world is you. You're it!

A decision is made when it's made, and not one breath


sooner ... But when you think you're supposed to do
something with it and imagine that you're the doer, that's
pure delusion. Just follow your passion. Do what you love.

I don't let go of my concepts -- I meet them with


understanding. Then they let go of me.

Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here


for the sake of your freedom.
Until you can see everything in the world as a friend, your
Work is not done.

Everything happens for me, not to me.

...she believed in the after-death thing... But through inquiry,


as we understand that death is just a concept and that our
identity is a concept too, we come to realize who we are.
This is the end of fear.

It's terrifying to think you could lose control, even though the
truth is that you never had it in the first place.

Do you want to end karma? It's simple. I. I "am" -- is it true?


Who would I be without this story? No karma whatsoever.
And I look forward to the next life, and here it comes. It's
called "now."

The nightmare always becomes laughter, once it's


understood.

You go with inquiry into the darkness and find only light.
Inquiry doesn't have a motive. It doesn't teach a philosophy.
It's just investigating.

June 12

Freedom

Freedom is when you can do something without having to


ask permission from somebody else.

June 12

Unititled

Demons attack others' weaknesses. Angels praise others'


strengths. Demons attack angels for their inability to see
weakness. Angels praise demons for their ability to do so.
Demons win in this world. Angels win in heaven. But the one
who neither criticizes weakness nor praises strength goes
beyond this world and beyond heaven and lives in the
ultimate reality.
June 13

Nausea

Jean-Paul Sartre's 1938 work of fiction, Nausea, had a big


influence on my college-atheist period. Out of curiosity, I just
read it for a second time. Sartre presents a compelling,
woozy view of reality. For him, the personal self is
submerged within an endless, formless ocean of swirling
sludge which is what Sartre calls "existence." The self
imposes an imaginary structure onto this chaotic vat of goo.
Creating the illusion of distinct things. Giving the things
names. Assuming this dream of a logical, orderly world has
the status of "necessity." Deluding itself into believing in a
rational God giving meaning to it all. But it's not God. It's
goo. It's always in a state of "contingency," an accident
dependent on nothing but chance. Nor can we comfort
ourselves by thinking it's Nothingness. Unfortunately it's
really here all around us. A hideous, obscene
somethingness. No wonder Sartre's anti-hero Roquentin is
beset by attacks of nausea! But here's my predicament. I
have been similarly attacked, over the past few years. That's
why I re-read the book. It's given me some insight. My friend
Mary attributes my dizziness to an excess of "attachment" to
material things. Which is just the opposite of Sartre's
analysis. I tend to agree with her. Sartre's "existence"
confronts him as chaotic because of his attachment to a
world he agrees is illusory. If he were to set himself loose
into the mad, churning ocean, he would swim to the surface
and see a divine land not far away. But instead he remains
rooted in the thick mud on the dark bottom. Back in the days
when existentialism was more popular, someone criticized
Sartre and others as being "on the bottom looking down."
Roquentin sits on a park bench, looking down at a chestnut
tree's gnarled roots underneath, and philosophizes. Yes, he's
too attached. I have been too attached. O Goddess! Teach
me how to swim to your side!

June 20

Executive Officer

Items and articles,


products and things,
fragments and particles,
downloaded rings,
boxes, percentages,
dollars and clicks,
folders of messages,
concrete and bricks,
logic, analysis,
tables and graphs,
mental paralysis,
life under glass:
multiply to the nth division.
Mortify with tense precision.

June 20

Jimmy's Rain

Ma's son Jimmy died.


Requiem aeternam dona eis.
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.
It was not a happy death.
He killed himself.
The funeral was up in New York.
They said it was a heart attack.
(No mass for suicides.)
Ma went.
She put some grave-dirt in an urn.
Tonight she poured it in the pond.
Her Florida ashram has a pond.
She calls it the Ganges.
The water embraced him.
He joined the other dead.
The ashes of hundreds are there.
Ma comforts the dying.
Ma blesses the dead.
Ma's tears anoint them.
The Ganges transports them.
Jimmy's in the Ganges now.
We gathered at six p. m. outdoors.
The thermometer read mid-nineties.
Large gray clouds kept the sun off.
The ceremony began.
We learned about Jimmy.
He was ruled by his passions.
They took him high, and low.
One day he went too low.
Ma told us about him.
He had a great big heart.
His friends told us about him.
He wasn't afraid to love.
A hundred people in chairs listened.
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
We sat stoically.
The grief gripped us.
We sat silently.
Swamis in yarmulkes said Kaddish.
The clouds filled the sky.
The Earth Mother must have thought,
"Why aren't they weeping?
"Why aren't they wailing?
"Where are the torrents of tears?"
So the Great Mother cried for us.
She opened the thick clouds.
The rain poured down.
It poured all over us.
It ran over our heads,
over our eyes,
drenching our faces,
making rivers of tears for us.
We wept the Earth's tears.
We wept for an hour.
The rain fell heavy.
We didn't walk away.
We all got soaked.
We all got to grieve openly.
Our hot bodies got cold.
Our neat clothes got sloppy.
Our groomed hair got messy.
We were reduced.
And the Earth kept crying and crying,
and we were part of the Earth's sorrow,
part of another Ganges of tears.
The Hindu priest stoked the ceremonial fire.
The flames leaped up.
Then the rain stopped.
The incantations began,
108 names of the Goddess.
But very close there was thunder.
The Earth beat the death drums.
We were not to be spared the threat.
Lightning flashed in the west.
Thunder boomed in the east.
The Mother held back the rain,
but kept us reminded of death.
After the chanting,
after the singing,
after the emptying of the urn
from the boat into the pond,
after the big fire and the little candles
and the glorious fireworks
(Jimmy loved fireworks)
died down into darkness,
a gentle rain began,
a rain of compassion,
a soothing rain of
little precious drops
like tender souls,
like Jimmy's fragile soul,
kissing us.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

July 9

At Night

Mailboxes at night look like people


when I rig up my rigamarole.
Angels who leap from the steeple
fall into my old begging bowl.
Thirty-nine dollars in spare change
turns left at a blinking red light,
a suitcase of antique Ford Fairlanes
exploding like fireworks at night.
Darkness proceeds with good posture,
with shoes that play radio songs,
rejecting the ring that I bought her,
a candidate cheered by the throngs.
I cannot sleep in triplicate.
At night my sheets are counterfeit.
July 19

No Such Thing

There is no such thing as mind. Or the mind. Or my mind. Or


yours. Mind does not exist as a thing or substance in itself.
It's a word. That's all. Mind is a concept. It's a word that
stands for a certain state of affairs.

You might argue, "Well, if mind is a concept, then it must be


comprehended by the mind, which therefore must exist." But
I'd reply that the agent of comprehension is this: the soul.
Which does exist as a thing in itself.

But I'll qualify that. The soul isn't a thing. It's made of spiritual
energy -- not limited by time or space, by material substance
or material form.

So I'll define mind as a situation where the spiritual soul


exercises its consciousness within the material world while
identifying itself as an aspect of the material world.

The soul is the self. The self thinks, and feels, and is aware.
That's your mind, as simple as that. The self is a spiritual
body radiating consciousness, just as the sun is a material
body radiating sunlight. Sunlight extends throughout the
universe. So can the soul's consciousness. In its liberated
state, it's not bound by duration or distance.

However, in its conditioned state (conditioned by its


identification with a particular material body), its
consciousness is restricted, hemmed in, confined to a limited
range of time and space. It's this kind of consciousness we
refer to as "my mind."

In special instances, "my mind" reaches out beyond "my


body" and contacts the collective consciousness of all the
living entities in the universe. In that privileged extra-sensory
perception of cosmic consciousness, I realize that there is in
truth only one "mind." To be more exact, there is only one
consciousness, the consciousness-energy of the universal
soul, of which all of us little souls and bodies are a part.

Ultimately, then, "mind" is the aggregate of all the spiritual


and material particles of the universe. It consists of both
souls and bodies, a mixture of the two. In its total state, the
cosmic body-soul is aware of all the events in the universe.
We partake of that cosmic body-soul.

Bodies are many, souls are many, but the cosmic body-soul
is one.

In the spiritual world, consciousness is not condituioned by a


false identification with matter. The souls are always
liberated. We are fully developed spiritual bodies. Here, the
body is the self. Each self is always participating in the lives
of all other selves. Together we are participating in the life of
the Super-Self, God. God is the whole. We are the parts.
The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The whole
controls the parts.

A similar situation takes place in the material cosmos. The


universe is the whole and the conditioned souls are the
parts, controlled by the one cosmic body-soul. We act out
our parts in a drama that's already scripted, down to the last
blink and notion.

It's preferable to stop identifying with the cosmos, and start


identifying with God, as the total context of my desires and
activities.

Only when I do that am I free to be myself, a real self. Only


then does my unlimited nature expand out to the full range of
ecstatic possibilities. Giving up my false ego and
surrendering to God delivers me to who I am. I am a soul, in
my natural element, in a world of nothing but souls and
consciousness. It is all one substance and there is no such
thing as "mind."

August 8

The Forests of Vrindaban

See Krishna's flashing feet


as he runs -- oh, oh, how sweet --
through the forests of Vrindaban
with brother Balaram.
Now watch them running arm in arm
through the forests of Vrindaban.
Their magic swirls around,
and you can't tell what's up or down
in the forests of Vrindaban.
Through shifting time and space,
just keep your eyes on Krishna's face
in the forests of Vrindaban.
In Krishna consciousness
all we want is to progress
to the forests of Vrindaban.
That's where a little boy
is God, and radiates his joy
to the forests of Vrindaban.
See Krishna's flashing feet
as he runs -- oh, oh, how sweet --
through the forests of Vrindaban
with brother Balaram.
Now watch them running arm in arm
through the forests of Vrindaban!

August 8

Mother Mantra

Mother Radha Mother Goddess


Mother Mary Mother Of Us
Mother Earth White Buffalo Woman
Mother Love Primal Devotion

August 10

Untitled

Love is everything. She is the whole. There's nothing else


other than her. But because she is Love, she must have
someone to love. To accomplish that, she removes from
herself that part of herself that is God, and manifests him as
a separate person, which changes her into Goddess.

Goddess and God are the lover and the beloved, the
worshiper and the worshiped. Love's essential femininity
remains in Goddess. But she has lost that aspect of herself
that is now God, the masculine. Her loss is basic to her
nature as Love.

God, the Other, is the only masculine entity. We souls are


part of the Goddess, the feminine. As such, we are lovers
and worshipers. In order to love, we also must give up part
of ourselves to another. Just as Goddess renounces her
unity, so too must we offer part of ourselves to our beloved.
So we feel a loss, a grief, that some of me is gone. Yet we
thrive on the bliss of joining with another. This mixture of
sadness and joy is the essential emotion of the soul, as it is
the essential emotion of Goddess, and of all religion.

Those who speak of the tragedy of life are correct. Those


who speak of the ecstasy of life are correct. Those who
speak of the simultaneous tragedy and ecstasy of life are the
most correct of all. But what good is any explanation? Life
and love are mysteries.

August 10

Untitled

Bolusu
Bo La-Tingi La-Wala
Ki Lo Patanga
Bu Rishni Bu Rishni

Harbu
Peecho La-Mama-Papa
Toko Lama Toko Lama

Prozha
Nyaa, La Tay, La Mun Yay,
Nuh-Nuh-Nuh
Nyaa, La Tay, La Mun Yay,
Nuh-Nuh-Nuh

August 10

Untitled

You................................. Dear Goddess


Dear Loving Goddess Dear Mother Goddess

August 10

Nightmane

these ponderous hairs


lugubrious and thick
massed like boulders
at the water's edge
pulling me down relentlessly
into sleep

August 15

Punta Gorda, August 14, 2004

woke up this mornin feelin awful mean n snarly


home got destroyed by hurricane charley
slept in a shelter on a blanket on the floor
aint got nothin to my name no more
trailer got leveled hundred forty mile winds
took away everything except my sins
i was just gettin ready for a real big push
now im at the mercy of jeb n george bush
im standin in the wreckage of my existence
but im thinkin oh well it dont make no difference
the same mother nature who stripped me bare
will give me happiness yes enough to spare
yes the hurricanes gone away now theres breezes
like springtime thaws follow wintertime freezes
the water's gone down from the twelve foot flood
now ill make my footprints in the punta gorda mud
nowhere to go but up one step at a time
recapitulate the creatures evolutionary climb

August 28

Untitled

God is -- what is.


God is -- love.
What is -- is love.
Love what is --
that's all there is !

September 16

The Woodsman

These are the ways of the woodsman,


of the dweller in the forests of the wild.
He can tell you if a trail is a good one.
He can tell you if the winter might be mild.
Cutting cordwood is an art for the woodsman,
and he stacks it very neatly by his house.
But he's awkward when he's talking to a woman,
so he cannot share his cabin with a spouse.

Hear him pray for the love that's denied him!


Feel his grief as he yearns for a mate!
See him stand on the top of the mountain,
looking skyward for an omen of his fate.

But no wedding's in the cards for the woodsman.


In his heart he is married to the wild.
Mother Earth will take him to her bosom,
and will teach him that the creatures are his child.

These are the ways of the woodsman,


of the dweller in the forests of the wild.
He will tell you that his life is a good one.
"Nature loves me," he will say with a smile!

September 16

Fertility Spell

Ficus Ficus
Umbilicus
Sacred Tree
Sacred Womb
Ficus Ficus
Umbilicus
He and She
Sun and Moon

October 3

Untitled

Got a little rain from Hurricane Charley. Got 105 mph winds
from Hurricane Frances. Got lots of rain from Hurricane Ivan.
Got 120 mph winds from Hurricane Jeanne. Sebastian FL,
where I live, got the worst of anybody from Frances and
Jeanne. The town's a mess. Our house had 17 days without
electricity. But we didn't get much damage. Lots of others
here are now homeless. September 2004 -- we'll never
forget it!
October 3

Please, No More

Please, no more pictures of destruction


from the latest hurricane --
I have been driven to distraction
by the sight of others' pain.

May the good Lord send his mercy


to all those who lost their lives --
from the Islands to New Jersey,
dry the tears of weeping wives.

And to Florida's survivors


whose houses were leveled flat --
let us share a cup of kindness
and put a dollar in the hat.

Mother Nature showed her fury,


and her justice is supreme --
she was the judge, they were the jury:
Charley, Frances, Ivan, Jeanne.

October 3

Untitled

Written before the hurricanes:

Vicki –

I've been wanting to respond to the Haim Harari article for


some time. Family responsibilities have delayed me.
(Thanks for the thoughtful card.) But now I have a few
minutes.

My intention is to show the importance of the Palestinian


question as a consistent priority in militant Islamic
fundamentalism, wherever it is found worldwide. Harari
brushes off the role of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as a
factor in regions outside that immediate area. But the
statements of principal players tell a different story.

I suggest that Islamic terrorism has three major causes:


European-American colonialism, the rise of fundamentalism
in the "religions of the Book," and the presence of Israel as a
nation with Judaism as an established religion, a "Jewish
state" that reduces non-Jews to a less privileged status.

Colonialism shattered the economic, political, and


psychological integrity of the Muslims. The resulting
destitution was a fertile field for the growth of
fundamentalism, with its promise of a return to a golden age.
Then, the invasion of fundamentalist Jews, threatening
access to holy sites in Palestine for Muslims everywhere,
gave a flashpoint focus for militants.

Harari begins one sentence with the promising expression,


"The root of the trouble..." But he lets us down by continuing
with, "...is that this entire Moslem region is totally
dysfunctional..." without bothering to reveal the cause of the
dysfunction. And thereby avoiding digging up the "root" at all.

Towards the end of the piece he recommends a solution to


the problem: fighting and education. One might assume,
then, that for Harari the root of the trouble is a lack of
educated Muslims.

Of course, no liberal person will object to a better educated


public. But I think we can improve on that in our search for
the root. To be brief and much too general, the source of the
mess is the desire for power over others, which infects all of
us at some time or other, and some of us almost all the time.

That may be too trite or obvious. But if we return to those


days of yesteryear, let's say 1917, we may find some
enlightenment in looking at the power relationships in
Palestine.

The British were pushing the Ottomans north. In London,


Lord Balfour acceded to Zionist demands for a Jewish
homeland in Palestine. The implementation was two-faced.
As British Foreign Minister Jack Straw said recently (New
Statesman, 11.02), "The Balfour Declaration and the
contradictory assurances given to Palestinians in private at
the same time as they were being given to the Israelis --
again, an interesting history for us, but not an honourable
one."

Two years later at the Paris Peace Conference, the


Palestines fared no better. Faisal I, the leader of the Arab
delegation, signed an agreement with Chaim Weizmann,
leader of the Zionists, seconding the plan of a Jewish
homeland. Both men displayed their contempt for
Palestinians, publicly insulting them as stupid, incompetent,
less than Jews, and not real Arabs at all.

The Palestinian response was the "Jerusalem Pogrom of


April, 1920." The anti-Jewish riots throughout the city, finally
quelled by the British, resulted in a few deaths and a few
dozen injuries.

That was in effect the beginning of Palestinian terrorism. It


didn't begin in 1964 with the birth of the PLO. It didn't begin
with the "Munich Massacre" of September 1972 at the
Summer Olympics. It certainly didn't begin with the Intifada
of the 1990s. It's been going on since 1920. As such, the
Palestinian situation is by far the longest-running conflict in
the Muslim world wherein nongovernmental groups and
individuals commit acts of violence against the armed forces
and the citizens of a nation. Palestinian terrorism, and its
purpose of destroying a state that not only discriminates
against Muslims but also seeks to evict them from ancestral
Muslim holy lands, is at the heart of Islamic terrorism
worldwide.

Local considerations in Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Syria, Iraq,


Iran, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Indonesia, the Phillippines, and
so on, apply. Algeria rebelled against France. Iran rebelled
against a British-American puppet Shah. Saudi Arabia hasn't
had a rebellion yet, but it's the hotbed that brews the
strongest (Wahhabi) flavor of Islamic fundamentalism, and
surely due for big trouble.

Notwithstanding local considerations, the Palestinians' plight


motivates terrorists from all these countries.

Osama bin Laden, who put together Al Qaeda out of the


mujahadeen he fought with in the US- supported struggle
against the Soviets in Afghanistan, was furious when US
troops were allowed into Saudi Arabia in 1990. He urged a
boycott of American products. Why? "When we buy
American goods," he said, "we are accomplices in the
murder of Palestinians."

A May, 2004, news report from Syria by Kim Ghattas of the


BBC stated that "The austere Wahhabi brand of Islam
practiced by Osama bin Laden is also growing and clerics
are calling for jihad in Iraq and Palestine."

Abassi Madani is the leader of Algeria's FIS, the Front


Islamique du Salut, and a co-founder of that country's Armed
Islamic Movement, whose initial fighters had been
mujahadeen in Afghanistan. The FIS won the national
election in 1992, but was not allowed to take power. In a
letter of November 26, 1999, Madani wrote, "I hear the cries
of those who forge history, of those who change the world,
like the stone- throwing children of Palestine and Algeria..."

In June of 2002, in Khartoum, Sudan, Nur Misuari spoke


before a meeting of Islamic foreign ministers. He is the
Chairman of the Central Committee of the Moro National
Liberation Front, which seeks to establish a Muslim state in
the southern Phillippines. "The situation of the Bangsamoro
people," he said, "cries to the conscience of the Muslim
World Leadership for we are in no better position than our
brothers in occupied Palestine ... Brother President Yaser
Arafat is a prisoner just like me and the objective of both
actions is to destroy the Palestinian and the Bangsamoro
leadership to liquidate the Palestinian and the Bangsamoro
struggles."

I could go on. Day after day, over the years, the leading
figures of militant Islam in all countries have referred to
Palestinian terrorism as the justification for their own. The
Palestinians were first. Even though, in practical terms, as a
people they are not held in high esteem among Arab
Muslims, they were the first to strike out against the infidels,
and they are respected for that.

The primary inspiration for Muslim terrorism worldwide is the


control of Jerusalem and other holy sites in Palestine (and
the violent disenfranchisement of the Palestinian people) by
a nation with a state religion that at best pushes Muslims
down to a second-class status, and at worst slaughters them
in its violent pursuit of a fundamentalist dream, the renewal
of the glory of an ancient age as depicted in The Book.
Because the United States provides the weapons with which
Israel carries out this project -- a project that in fact insults
the principles upon which the US is founded -- our country
too is marked for destruction. Thus September 11, 2001.
Like Harari, we also ask, "What can we do about it?" He
wants to educate the youngsters and eliminate the oldsters.
Since the fundamentalists are already intensely educating
the youngsters, who will in turn become oldsters, this just
sounds like a recipe for the "permanent warfare" so beloved
of our neoconservatives.

That has the advantage of squinty-eyed realism. Who can


change human nature, after all. Let's mow 'em down before
they mow us down.

In contrast, I look forward to some perhaps idealistic


measures. They require changes in, if not human nature, at
least human attitudes. First, the US government should
heavily subsidize the development of energy systems based
on renewable sources. In our present stage of colonialism,
we buy oil, paying the money to dictators (particularly in
Saudi Arabia) who do not use it to improve the lives of their
subject peoples. We also give huge sums to Israel,
supposedly to maintain a strategic base in the Mideast. But
the only reason for doing that is to keep the oil flowing our
way. This must stop.

Second, corrupt rulers will lose power after the gravy train
dries up. With international assistance, new democratic
governments can be built. The people in general will benefit.
Along with an easing of poverty and disenfranchisement will
come a new sense of pride and self worth. Fundamentalism
and its dream of restoring past glories will lose its grip on the
minds of the people. Religion can return to its essence as a
way of love, not a way of hatred.

Third, to put it bluntly, if Israel does not become a secular


state with equal rights for all citizens, the US should cut off
aid to that country. Our national interest is not served by
supporting a nation with an established religion. Our
founding fathers did not want to continue the religious
conflicts that scarred England and Europe for centuries. Why
should we fund a similar situation in a Mideast nation today?
The Zionist experiment, no matter how much sympathy it
finds in our hearts, has failed.

Until the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is resolved, our "war on


terrorism" will come to nothing except more war.

Thanks, Daniel
October 3

Photograph Dreams 1959

Lili St. Cyr --


Queen of the Strippers,
in silks that were sheer,
you danced and I quivered.
Diane Webber --
Queen of the Nudes,
you were bare altogether,
as you posed for my moods.
Photograph Dreams --
you took me away
to a place where it seemed
I was King for a day --
or a slave for an eternity
to your metaphors of Liberty.

October 13

The Best Part

The best part of us


walks to the light,
to a radiant tapestry
in the mystery world
where laughing babies
dance around heedlessly.
Settling there,
we take vows earnestly.
Prepared, we journey
to the temple of giants
whose robes tremble
in the dark constellations.
They teach us names.
We cling tight, and
ride the names, the horses,
the vehicles, the winds,
to the feet of the lady.
She welcomes us sweetly
to the timeless earth.
In the forest we hear
a flute song,
our hearts fulfilled.
It is the best life
of the best part of us.

October 24

I entered this review of Eyes Wide Shut into the IMDB site on August 2,
1999.

Animals in Chains

What a frustrating and magnificent film! Here again, as in all


of Kubrick's other movies, humans are coping with their
animal urges by keeping them in chains, but there's always a
weak link. Dr. Bill is a true mechanical man, despite his job
as a healer of bodies. But he can't suppress dat ol' debbil.
Even worse, he can't forgive his wife Alice for her fantasized
infidelity. A study of men and women -- the woman holds the
high ground because of her compassion, and her honesty,
which includes her acceptance of her animality. The script's
last word, the f-word, is K's last hope for returning to our lost
essence. God, those skin tones! Kubrick's use of available
light and high speed film raises primitive technique to
sublime sophistication. But that's the point, isn't it. The naked
ape creates stunning mechanisms -- laws, social norms,
movies -- in a hopeless attempt to purify human existence.
Kubrick grins sardonically, but can't stop joining in. Here he
creates another elegant and sad monument to the ridiculous
human experiment. A fitting wrap to the career of a genius.

October 24

Transportation

Desist, if you please,


the rhetoric of despair.
It's just a bad habit
and it leads nowhere.
Engage, right now,
in the rhetoric of bliss.
It will transport you
like a lover's kiss.
October 24

You'll be there

You're the ones I talk to.


You're the ones who hear.
You're the ones who help me
conquer all my fear.
You are right beside me
everywhere I go.
And when this life is over
you'll be there, I know.

October 24

Untitled

Radha-Krishna-Love is an ocean of pleasure.


Strip off your inhibitions and dive in!
Your body will tingle and vibrate with thrills of joyful ecstasy!

October 24

Untitled

All that was lost


has now been discovered.
All that was hidden
has now been uncovered.
All who were blind
have regained their sight.
Now no one is wrong.
Now everyone's right.

November 2

Untitled

When I feel AGONIZING ECSTASY


I know I'm in the right place.
November 2

Shine On

Oh aging man with balding pate,


you husband every hair,
neglecting your crown's naked state:
the glory of its glare!

November 2

Wet

How dry --
to be a slave
to machines
and obligations.
Now dive --
into the waves
of your dreams
and throbbing passions!

November 11

I wrote these two pieces for two newsletters -- the first, for the one on the
back of the monthly Library calendar, the second, for the Friends of the
Library semi-annual newsletter.

A Storehouse of Meaning

We've been through a lot. So many of us lost our homes.


Some still don't have telephone service. Two "hundred- year"
hurricanes three weeks apart have given us a mighty
beating.

During the worst days, the Library was designated a Comfort


Station. Our air conditioning gave hundreds of people relief
from the late summer heat. Our internet access allowed
them to contact family and friends, and to do business.
Stressed and fatigued residents came in just to sit a while.

Yes, the Library is an oasis. A place away from the storms


that batter us -- more than usual recently, but every day,
every year, a place to gather our thoughts. Where the life of
the mind is lived, in contemplative reading or animated
discussion. At the Library, at somewhat of a distance from
the outside world, we can begin to make sense of the world.
Or gain the strength to return to it with a fresh outlook.
Tempests come and go. The Library continues on, sustaining
our community, a storehouse of meaning, always ready for
us when we need it most.

Personal Computing

It doesn't take long to say what the big event was since the
last Friends newsletter -- the hurricanes! And the Library's
personal computing section came to the rescue for hundreds
of local residents whose home computers were not working.
Into the Library they came, seeking help. They wanted to
send emails to family, friends, and business associates.
They wanted to apply for assistance to insurance companies
and government agencies. Or they just wanted to come in
and sit down, surf the web, and get away from it all for a
while. A designated Comfort Station, the Library was able to
give them what they needed.

How the Library has changed! In addition to our traditional


offerings of information and recreation, we now offer
communication. The Internet is the difference. In October,
19% of the people walking into the Library did so in order to
use our PCs. Almost one out of five!

People tend to think of a library as a place containing things


to look at, or to take home to look at. But now there's
something new -- interactivity. That's the foundation of
community. And when disaster strikes, the Library brings the
community together as it helps us get our lives back together
through networking.

November 11

Notice To Beachfront Property Owners

There'll always be an ocean.


There'll always be a beach.
But the property you live on
might go sliding out of reach.
A shoreline isn't stable.
It wanders in and out.
You might win, you might lose.
Your future is in doubt.
You can make that gamble.
You can take that chance.
But don't ask me to replace
what you lose by circumstance!
A futile war -- when human hands
attempt to ward off shifting sands.

November 11

Hide The Evidence

When I control,
making words rhyme,
I'm digging a hole
to conceal a crime.
I'm oh so clever,
and oh so smart,
because I can sever
my brain from my heart.
This tapestry
of verbal play
is a travesty,
and so I say,
no more machine,
no more constructing. I'll come clean.
No more corrupting.

November 11

Pillow Chapters

engine tinker day by day


calling out with silent tongue
stomach dizzy, can't you see
this is not reality
dreams are real (God's in control)
waking time is just a test
choosing A B C or D
holds me captive? sets me free?
tender mission once revealed
what we thought is now reversed
pillow chapters target glee
nearing the immensity
travel searching in the dark
plenty money, goodness knows
trigger-happy, content-free
hello baby look at me!
November 14

Hero, Washington, and Life

Tandem refugees outsmarted.


Ignorant Pep Boys!
In wriggly fol-de-rol,
why not on the chewing?
Try me, you'll see.
Winter has its charms!
Onward Gloggle Meister,
trouble you for a light?
Hero, Washington, and Life,
Hero, Washington, and Life,
Hero, Washington, Hero, Washington,
Hero, Washington, and Life!
(Tenderness paradise, troglodyte muse,
karnaamrita far out megalith.)

November 17

Non Fic, Non Sen

How Fac, Wie Pog,


Red Cro, Abo Ler;
Gir Kin, Mil Koi,
Met Nor, Rit Ber.

The library's non-fiction books are organized numerically,


with the first three letters of the author's last name under the
Dewey number. On the end panel of every shelf, the range
of books on that shelf is displayed. These three-letter
syllable-pairs occur on shelf ends near my desk.

November 17

Untitled

like a dreamer held by a dream


be innocent before the world
be inspired by the greatness
no matter how it comes to you
November 17

Bricks

Build a wall of words.


Time will topple bricks.
Better, build a path of
bricks that hug the ground --
who wants walls anyway?

November 20

gettin there

GETTIN there can


be a problem
but BEIN dead
aint so bad
you still have a
body and senses
you can see and
you can feel
and go places too -- anywhere --
in your real body
not skin and bones
in your real body
of consciousness
yes when the corpse
falls away dead
youre still there
like always
so you've crossed
over the bridge
NOW what are you
goin to do
where are you
goin to go
well gettin THERE
can be a problem too
but at least you
dont have to worry about bein

snuffed out by time


youre eternal baby
live with it
November 20

music

cmon get in the car


were picking up our friends
were getting out of town
before the next one hits
everything here is cardboard
soaking wet, flimsy
but weve got each other
we can make a new start
out there where the road goes
all we care about is music
all we want is music

November 20

Buy and Sell

The Dutch were good traders.


"You give us Manahatta,
and we'll give you the
thirty pieces of silver
the Romans gave Judas."
They set up a battery of cannons
on the prow of the island,
just in case anybody wondered
who's in charge here.
In 1964 I walked into the
Battery Park terminal building.
It was a big round room
ringed with huge advertisements
up above your head.
The one given pride of place
was for girdles by Gossard.
The engirdled model
lured you in, saying,
"You give me your soul,
and I'll give you the
crown of thorns
the Romans gave Jesus."
Buy and sell, fry in hell.
November 20

Bigger

They call it lucid dreaming,


being awake while you're asleep.
Well, maybe that's lucidity,
but it isn't dreaming.
Dreaming isn't lucid, it's loose.
You're set loose on the waves,
and they take you where they go.
The waves are bigger than you.
You have to surrender.
What kind of wave you catch
depends on what you did
before, when you were awake.
That's your lucidity.
Then the dream takes you on
to reality,
which is bigger than you.

November 20

The Old Timers

No one was alive before thirty years ago.


Everything was made of photographs.
And even if they had been alive then,
they were all assassinated by wackos
who knew The Answers to humanity's problems.

November 20

My Gut

My heart said,
"Take care of her."
My gut said,
"Take care of yourself."
I spent some time
taking care of myself.
Then I looked for her,
but she'd gone away.
Now I'm all alone,
and all I've got
is my gut.
November 20

Why

Why do I write poems?


But writing isn't the point.
The point is,
the poems talk to me.
I just write them down
to shut them up.

November 23

Exhumed Entanglements

Not pretty, the target area.


Too much in the gloaming.
Terrific bundles of trash.
But why open the box?
"You know," she said slyly.
"History will be your comeuppance,
wild folk of the woods.
New developments will be announced
on the birthday of your death.
Do not consult your calendars.
Contemplate your navels and escape.
Escape my vengeance, my wrath.
And escape your own."
She departed,
leaving only the wind.

November 23

The Threat

Watch out boy,


in your clean white shirt.
Should you be in this world?
Greasy chains swing randomly
in the darkness,
threatening to destroy
your tidy prayers.
November 24

To Be Alive

We hiked up the dark gray rock ridge


along with the other tourist families,
caressed by wandering light gray clouds
drifting among us like big ghostly dogs.
When we got to the viewing platform,
the famous mountaintop was obscured.
For me the only notable sight was
the yellow hair of my little daughter
as she played on the wide stone shelf,
running, laughing, happy to be alive.

November 25

A Pariah's Prayer

Kicked out of bars,


kicked out of clubs,
kicked out of meetings,
kicked out of homes,
despised and rejected,
forlorn and ashamed,
I take refuge in Thee,
I take refuge in Thee.

December 2

I wrote the first version of this piece for the Sebastian Sun about 14
years ago. This year I wrote another version for the local library's monthly
newsletter. Here's the latest version. It strives to explain how an area in
northeast Indian River County, Florida, came to be called Wabasso.

How Wabasso Got Its Name

The name "Wabasso" has an interesting history. It first saw


print in 1856. That was in Longfellow's poem Hiawatha.
There, a hero returns "From the land of the White Rabbit, /
From the kingdom of Wabasso." The spelling must have
been on people's minds when they wrote a certain Georgia
Sea Island's name as "Ossabaw," which is clearly Wabasso
spelled backwards. Previous spellings included Usuba,
Usaba, Hussopa, and Hussabau. They were all attempts at
writing down the name of the principal village of the island,
which is now thought to be more accurately spelled "Asapo."
All of these have been attempts to render the way the local
Guale Indians spoke the village's name. Many Guales
moved to Florida during the 16th and 17th Centuries. There's
been speculation that some of them settled in our area. A
connection between the two places does exist. The word
Asapo means "the yaupon holly place." Yaupon holly has red
berries used to make a tea that the Guales drank in their
religious ceremonies. The same practice was common to the
Ais Indians who lived here, as reported in Jonathan
Dickinson's Journal. So the Guales would have fit in. Their
Asapo was here too. Unfortunately, I've found no evidence
that the Ais also called it Asapo. And no account of exactly
who named the place Wabasso. Or when it was so named.
But settlers started moving here in the 1860s, when
Longfellow was the nation's most popular poet. At that time it
was the Seminoles who greeted them, not the long-gone
Gaules or Ais. Still, the place name Asapo may have stuck.
And the settlers, reciting Hiawatha, may have heard in
"Wabasso" a sound close enough to "Asapo" to make it good
enough for them as the name of their new home on the
Atlantic coast of Florida.

December 2

Titled

Three book titles -- the titles are enough -- no need to say


more.
The Body of God: Physical Pleasure, Happiness, and
Spirituality
The Body of Satan: Physical Pain, Unhappiness, and
Materialism
The Null Point: Conflict Avoidance and Eternal Youth

December 4

Salt

25 Minutemen, ordinary blokes --


wondering where it all ends.
Terrible performances. Give it all up!
Pocket linings lying in a heap.
Voyage to the ocean, saved in a day --
grace in between time uncontrolled.
Soda crackers, soda crackers, soda crackers,
living in harmony with the world.
In Rapturis Quod Ellis Island --
"Welcome partner, what's your name."
Well of course they all knew my name,
they just wanted to hear me sing it:
"Let me be your salty dog, let me be your salty dog,
honey let me be your salty dog."

December 5

7:41 pm

all of us
luminous
water over stone
dominus
deus
the painter

December 6

Untitled

A huge number of vehicles from a large outlying area can


funnel into a small urban area because the city has a higher
density of streets. Similarly, a huge number of thoughts from
the immense universe can fit into your body because your
body has a higher density of neural pathways. Your body is a
concentration of the universe.

December 6

Untitled

Did the Chumash learn to swim accidently?


No, the Chumash learned to swim on porpoise.

December 9

Untitled

Chey Meyney Hey Teykey Bey

To me, a satisfying sequence of sounds - the "ey"s are


English long "a" sounds.

December 9
Peruse

I was speaking about the insatiable demand:


inviolable cheroot Thursdays and
trigger-happy concubines waltzing
on, on, into the night power.
Farquhar knew about it, didn't he.
Silly chasms get up and go on a
trickle chores knockwurst Steubenville
slow climb up to heaven, dog it!
It's word jazz. I'm not striving for Surrealism. It does start
with words from a dream and continues in that mode. But it's
all nonsense. The emphasis is on pure sound -- the music of
words, the rhythm of phrases.

December 11

Freedom

The Prisoner of Fantasy


Has Been Released Into the Custody
of the Reality of the Body
of God

December 18

article for the library's January newsletter

Laura Riding Jackson

No matter what the Environmental Learning Center decides


to do about the hurricane-damaged Laura Riding Jackson
house, you can always look over many of her books here at
the Library. Be warned, though -- they're not easy reading!
This late resident of Wabasso was a literary phenomenon of
sorts in the 1920s and 1930s. Laura Riding's poetry made a
good impression on the critics of the time. After partnering
with the better-known writer Robert Graves in England and
Spain, in 1939 she gave it up. A marriage added Jackson to
her name. Escaping the limelight, she and her husband
moved to Wabasso, shipping fruit from their orange grove to
customers up north. They cooperated on her last book,
Rational Meaning. When she passed away in 1991, she'd
almost been forgotten. But recently scholars have been
finding much of interest in her works. Maybe you will too!
December 18

Untitled

Nothing makes any difference.


Everything is Krishna.

December 26

WLS: Worship Love Service

Nature worships. Nature is Worship.


I worship Nature. I worship Worship.

Nature loves. Nature is Love.


I love Nature. I love Love.

Nature serves. Nature is Service.


I serve Nature. I serve Service.

Worship Love Service is the whole,


the origin, the ultimate, the supreme.
Worship Love Service manifests God
to worship, love, and serve God.

Goddess Nature is Worship Love Service


as the feminine counterpart of God.
The rustling of leaves in the wind,
the rushing of water over rocks,
the wheeling of stars through the night,
the placement of feet on pavement,
are suffused with Worship Love Service,
in perfumed remembrance of the source.

Worship Love Service is feminine,


but not the kind we know about.
That feminine contains the masculine,
although she is not androgynous.

She's a paradox. Invisible, but


inescapably obvious everywhere.
Jai Radhe!

December 27, 2004


Here You Are

I look at you, dear Goddess.


Everything in the world is You.
You are the atoms of the universe.
You are the atoms of my body.
Your substance is visible to me.

I talk to you, dear Goddess.


I talk to everything in the world.
I address everything as You.
I convey my thoughts to You.
Matter is your divine body.

Immediate and close, here and now,


tangible, present to all my senses,
you are in my life and of it, obvious,
simple, effortlessly reached, pure,
you are the one I talk to, You.

January 18, 2005

To Yoou My Yoou

To Yoou My Yoou
To Yoou My Yoou
To Yoou My Yoou
To Yoou My Yoou

January 30

You Are The Creator

You are the Creator.


To be exact, You are the Creatrix.
You are the whole of whom we are parts.
You are EWEU -- The Eternal, The Whole, The Everything,
The Ultimate.
You are feminine but you include masculinity.
You are Energy.
You are the potential energy that becomes actual energy, the
pre-existence that becomes existence, invisible, yet the
storehouse of all the particular details of existence all at
once together.
You are everything all at once.
You are Chaos.
You are Perpetual Motion.
You are the One who yearns to be one of two.
You are the cell ready for mitosis.
You are the One Hypostasis who becomes two, Goddess
and God. You pull Your masculinity out of Yourself and make
it God. The larger portion of Yourself remains as Goddess.
As Goddess You are the material cause, the substance, of
all further manifestations. As God You are their efficient
cause, their controller.
You are Love.
You are Worship.
You are Sex.
You are a person.
You are the essence of Personhood.
You are without any single name because You are all names.
You are without any single form because You are all forms.
You are without any single quality because You are all
qualities.
You are the foundation of the spiritual world where we play
eternally with Your blissful names, forms, and qualities.
You are everything.
You are whatever has been said correctly about the
Supreme Being.
You, the Egg, came first before the chicken.

February 4

The Ultimate

We watched In the Mirror of Maya Deren (2002, Martina


Kudlacek). Among the people interviewed was Chao-Li Chi.
He said: "The ultimate form is that which has no form. This is
not supposed to be a paradox. Because what has no form is
when a shape is in motion, is in constant change. So that
which is in constant motion contains all forms."

Maya Deren said, "Art actually is based on the notion that if


you would really celebrate an idea or a principle, you must
think, you must plan, you must put yourself completely in the
state of devotion, and not simply give the first thing that
comes to your head."

A friend of hers said, "She didn't expand what she knew --


she went down into it."

February 12
Purring Tiger

Bill Mannetti, president, Animal Rights Front, writes:

Purrs are deep sounds, ranging from 20 to 150 hertz (cycles


per second). Housecats typically purr at 20 to 50 Hz. The
smaller figure of this decidedly "low frequency" range
happens to coincide with the lower limit of what is audible to
the human ear (the upper limit is 20,000 Hz). More important
from the feline perspective, however: low frequency sounds
promote health and healing.

...sound frequencies at 20 to 50 Hz - precisely the


frequencies of a housecat purring - increase bone density
growth, induce the healing of injured tendons and muscle,
and relieve pain.

Tigers, although not known to actually purr, produce low


frequency sounds - some that humans cannot hear. Although
most of their vocalizations are within the 40 to 60 Hz range,
tigers occasionally create rumbling sounds of 18Hz,
doubtless important for tiger-to-tiger communication. Any
sound frequency below 20Hz constitutes "infrasound" and
travels especially well. It not only covers long distances (up
to seven miles) but also penetrates desne forests and even
goes through mountains.

The tiger's infrasonic communication resembles that of the


more thoroughly researched elephant, two-thirds of whose
vocalizations are infrasound.

Giraffes, alligators, hippos, and rhinos also produce


infrasound: and many other species likely do as well.

February 13
Infinity
When Infinity formed God out of a part of herself, they
became Existence -- Goddess and God -- Infinity minus
One.

February 14

Thomas Frank
"...his family remained steadfastly Republican, voting like the
people they wanted to be rather than the people they were."

"...the new Republican masses, who raise their voices in


praise of Jesus but cast their votes to exalt Caesar."

Don't miss Thomas Frank's bestseller, What's the Matter


with Kansas?. Find out how jus' plain folks are being duped
into political martyrdom, serving the corporate interests that
destroy their lives. How the Republicans fuel righteous
indignation against liberals, presenting them as wealthy,
valueless, intellectual oppressors. How they convince voters
to ignore economics and concentrate on social issues, that
is, "moral" issues. How deception has won the day, and
tomorrow doesn't look so good either.

February 28

James G. Cowan

"...the divine disorder lying beneath the surface of


manifestation."

-- James G. Cowan, The Elements of the Aborigine Tradition

March 5

The Ocean

It's always Saturday. It's always Sunday. It's always every


day of the week. I don't care what you say, I want to run
away and find a time that's truly unique.

David Brinkley's dead. There is no talking head around to


take his place. There is no Murrow Ed. There is no Friendly
Fred. The news is lost in space.

I haven't been alive since nineteen fifty-five, an adolescent


year. I'm trapped inside a hive of old-time jazz and jive
repeating in my ear.
There's only history. There is no mystery. I'm just a sum of all
my parts. Familiar memory embraces all of me. I'm done
before I start.
Forgive my restless mood. I'm tired of certitude, of knowing
what is what. I'm chewing stuff that's chewed. Leftovers do
for food. Give me confusion! Stir up the pot!

I have had happiness. I should give thanks, I guess, that I


have known some truth. But still I must confess I want to
make progress beyond the corpses of my youth.

I yearn for something more. My heart wants to explore


outside the house I've built. I'm opening the door to hear the
ocean's roar, and wear its spray, like silk.

So here's my plan today. I'm going to sail away on an ocean


full of Om. I'll chant Hare Hare. The sound will point the way
to You, my You, my home.

March 6

Moonlight Arabesque

my knee as seen on TV pays homage to thee


in a moment of bliss
my toe will not sing Old Black Joe so I really must go
don't remind me of this
moonlight arabesque
fingers on my desk

my car i retrieved from afar but the mountains of tar


saw a stock market slump
my cap with a velveteen nap and a stainless steel snap
found a farm with a pump
moonlight arabesque
fingers on my desk

ballet in the Tuileries


embroidered napkins if you please
jeweled-bridled prancing horses
union of opposing forces

my lute and my licorice flute so urbane and astute


spread the canopy wide
my craft painted red fore and aft thought my elbow quite daft
as my ears fought the tide
moonlight arabesque
fingers on my desk
ballet in the Tuileries
embroidered napkins if you please
jeweled-bridled prancing horses
union of opposing forces
union of opposing forces

March 7

Fritjof Capra

"Eastern art forms, too, are forms of meditation. They are not
so much means of expressing the artist's ideas as ways of
self-realization through the development of the intuitive
mode of consciousness."

Fritjof Capra, The Tao of Physics

March 8

Untitled

Present the things -- in such a way that the presentation


invokes The Everything. Present the parts -- in such a way
that the presentation invokes The Whole. Present the
finitudes -- in such a way that the presentation invokes The
Infinite.

March 13

The Rock Bottom Growling of the Deep Rumbling World

[Thought fragments about deep-toned "throat singing," which


really comes from below the throat -- sometimes I can feel its
vibration in my toes. To me, this Deep Rumbling invokes a
sense of The Everything.]

It is here, yearning to come through.

Let's get to the bottom of things. When I settle down into


existence, something good comes up.

The Deep Droning


Deep Rumbling
Tiger Purring
Slow Ride on a Purring Tiger
The Wholebody Vibration
Deep Pulmonary Growling
Deep Rumbling World
Lion Purring
Rumble Ground Breathing
The Dormancy
The New Death Rattle

March 13

The Hidden Potentiality

Potentiality, always reaching toward actuality, is defined by


Love, the yearning for another. Potentiality-Love doesn't
obliterate itself to become the other. It is a flow, a moving
energy, an urge, directed beyond itself, that maintains the
integrity of both itself and its object.

Each person is dual: a potential person and an actual


person. I'm conscious of my actual self, but not of my
potential self. Both selves are eternal. The two worlds, the
potential and the actual, are adjacent to each other. My
actual self is always accompanied by my self of infinite
possibilities.

The potential world is horizontal. The actual world is vertical.


In the actual world, the higher forms are closer to the
potential world. In this case, "height" indicates degree of
religious ecstasy. Goddess and God are the highest forms.

The potential world is liberal, the actual is conservative.

Each existing item in the actual world (including every false


idea) has its hidden counterpart in the potential world. And
potentiality -- infinity -- is the source of yet more items, which
surprise the actual world when they arrive here.

The terms "spiritual" and "material" make no sense to me


any more, except as descriptions of human attitudes.
Spirituality means an awareness of The Whole. Materialism
means cutting out a portion of The Whole and giving that a
preferred status. Thus, sectarian religions are materialistic.
They limit the truth to a certain tradition, ritual, scripture, and
so on. Nevertheless, acts of devotion are carried out in an
environment of specifics. I'm not advocating a "contentless
mysticism," as someone once called it. To love God in a
specific way is spiritual if I know that like all actual forms, the
God I worship has his counterpart in the potential world. So
instead of talking about the spiritual world or the material
world, I speak of potentiality and actuality. They're both
spiritual if understood properly.

The actual world is graded into a vertical hierarchy. Sitting at


the bottom are illusions and miseries. At the top we find the
blissful truth, Goddess and God. In the potential world the
forms are not graded. They're all equal, that is, horizontal.
Furthermore, the potential world is One Person.

All phenomena in the actual world are eternal, from dog to


God. So you see, this is not that "material world" you've
heard about. The "material world" is the actual world as seen
by a materialist. It's a mistake.

In most religions, the goal is to leave the "material world"


and go to the "spiritual world." But we never leave the actual
world. We choose where we want to be in the actual world. A
smart choice is to be with Goddess and God, who are actual
persons. The other world, the potential world, sustains
actuality -- as a battery sustains a flashlight bulb. Both the
battery and the bulb are necessary for the light to shine.

March 14

Potentialism

Neither one, potentiality or actuality, is more real than the


other. Reality is made up of both of them together.

In relation to each other, it might be said that potentiality is


Yin and actuality is Yang. In the potential world, the feminine
rules. In the actual world, the masculine rules. This is what is
meant by saying, "she is the power behind the throne."

Thinking that, in the actual world, things die, that people die,
that I die, is a mistake. Nothing here disappears. Everything
here exists eternally. Each atom is as eternal as God. Things
here are always alive. There is no non-existence. The other
world, the potential world, is pre-existence. I don't die. Or, my
moment of "death" is already on the ledger. So, now that I
know I'm already dead, I can really start to live.

A clear continuum stretches unbroken from illusion to truth,


from despair to divinity, from garbage to God. The entire
range consists of one substance: actuality. No dividing wall
separates "matter" from "spirit" as if they were two countries.
It's not that garbage is "matter" and God is "spirit," and one
must change one's identity to get across the border. While
traveling from ignorance to knowledge, we journey across a
continuous landscape, a single country, made of actuality.
Perhaps it could be caled "matter" because it's filled with
forms. Or "spirit" because it's eternal. In any case, it's all one
substance. Duality enters the picture with the difference
between The Potential and The Actual. But then, you see,
The Potential doesn't exist -- yet. So, is it really a duality?

March 18

Quantumism

...the "physical vacuum" -- as it is called in field theory -- is


not a state of mere nothingness, but contains the potentiality
for all forms of the particle world.
-- Fritjof Capra, The Tao of Physics

If the universe came from "nothing," then perhaps nothing


was not perfectly empty but had a slight amount of symmetry
breaking, which allows for the slight dominance of matter
over antimatter today. The origin of this symmetry breaking is
still not understood.
-- Michio Kaku, Parallel Worlds

When one knows that the Great Void is full of ch'i, one
realizes that there is no such thing as nothingness.
-- Chang Tsai, quoted by Capra

March 19

Untitled

Deep Rumbling is an internal organ massage.

March 20

Quantum Universe
I'm caught in a quantum universe.
While I'm going forward, I'm also in reverse.
How can I be a genius and also a dunce ?
No problem. I can be in two places at once !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !

I am a probability wave.
My name might be Daniel, or Derek, or Dave.
My body might be very large, or even very small.
Consider this: I might not -- be here at all !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !

I just got back from visiting a world so far away.


I got there through a wormhole and came back in a day.
While in that other universe I lived a million years
and strummed upon a Superstring the music of the spheres.

I used to be as solid as a rock.


But now an expert tells me, all atoms are is thoughts !
There's nothing to hold onto, not even time or space.
I'm in a cosmic cyclotron -- observing my own face !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Quantum Universe !

March 29

Every Little Thing

Every little thing in the actual world also might be found in


the potential world, if we could peer into that world, which we
can't, because the things there don't exist, they pre-exist.
What's more, there's more in the potential world, since it's
infinite, unlimited. It's beyond our understanding. Perhaps I
shouldn't refer to us as inhabitants of only the actual world.
We also inhabit the potential world, in our potential forms.
But we achieve our completeness in the actual world. All
things in the potential world reach toward actuality. So you
see, even though the actual is finite, it's always being fed by
the infinite. It's always expanding. My guru said, "Krishna is
always expanding." Krishna, too, inhabits both worlds.
What's special about Krishna, about God, about Goddess, is
that they inhabit a region that touches the infinite, tangential
to it. The divine is actual, but directly in contact with the
potential. We become successful when we move to that
region, which is known as the spiritual world.

April 3

Every Little Thing

Every little thing


reminds me of You,
when I stop discriminating
and assigning value.
Just accepting, not rejecting
what's within my view,
every little thing
reminds me of You.

April 3

The War Between the States

Half the evil in the world


is done by people
who want to eradicate evil.
The old saying goes,
"Better the Devil you see
than the Devil you don't see."
And the Crusaders
are the Devil you don't see.
Better to strike a balance --
adopt a policy of containment.
If you try to banish
evil from the world,
it will rise up within you.
The war between the states
of good and evil will defeat
your own immortal soul.

April 4

L.O.V.E.

Living Oracles Verify Everything


Last Outbound Vehicles Exiting
Lenny Ott's Very Exceptional
Loud Operatic Voice Essential
Lukewarm Oil Vibrates Easily
Liberate Our Victims Equally
Lloyd Observed Viola's Eclair
Love Outrageously Violates Everywhere

April 5

Thinking To God

My guru asked his disciples to think about God all the time.
His name for that was "Krishna Consciousness." Krishna
himself recommended it twice in the Bhagavad-gita (9.34
and 18.65) with the words "man mana," "think of me." The
word "man" is an elision of "mat," which can also mean "to
me." Thinking to God, that is, talking to God in my thoughts,
has grown to a position of great importance in my life. I really
consider it to be the center of my life. Personally, I know of
no other method of keeping in touch with God that is more
successful. In terms of the traditional activities of devotion
that my guru taught, it is most similar to "befriending
Krishna." Thinking to God is so simple and direct. It requires
no money and no ritual. It can be done all one's waking
hours without disturbing anyone. Perhaps it can even be
done in one's dreams. That would truly be my success!

April 9

Feels Just Like Yoou

every little thing reminds me of Yoou


every little thing will sing about Yoou
every little thing feels just like Yoou
every little thing will bring me to Yoou
to Yoou my Yoou to Yoou my Yoou

April 11

Tricia Sullivan

"Information doesn't exist. It's an interaction, not a thing."


-- Tricia Sullivan, Someone To Watch Over Me, 1997

April 11

Death
Death is a mistaken impression. Everything is real, nothing
disappears.

April 11

Disruption

Love is the original "disruptive technology." We try to


organize things. But new things are always coming in from
the Potentiality and mixing us up, pulling the rug out from
under us, upsetting the applecart, blowing our minds, forcing
us to reconsider, giving us life.

April 11

Dispersion

Just as photons from the Sun are dispersed more widely


throughout the solar system as their distance from the Sun
increases, resulting in a progressive dimming of the radiance
at progressively more distant points, so does the influence of
the Potentiality decrease throughout the Actuality as its
distance from the Potentiality increases and it is more widely
dispersed. If we think of the Potentiality as a triangle with its
apex downward, and the Actuality as another triangle under
it, with its apex at the top touching the Potentiality apex
above it, then the downward dispersion of Potential energy
into the Actuality widens out as it descends, resulting in
decreasing energy levels. Within the Actuality, the top is
God, the middle is Nature, the bottom is Self. Or the top half
is Divinity and the bottom half is Depravity. Or Heaven,
Earth, and Hell. There is a hierarchy. But within the
Potentiality, which is pure Love, there is no hierarchy. You
might say that anarchy reigns there, except that Love's
infinite persons are all parts of one person, She. If there is
only one person, how can there be anarchy?

April 11

Continuous Creation
In the Infinite Potentiality there live an infinite number of
souls. They yearn towards God. They know only God. In
their potentiality, they have no awareness of themselves. As
they gradually pass into the Actuality, they first stay with
God. But as their self-awareness grows, they become
jealous of God. So they descend to lower levels of Actuality
-- into the darkness, so to speak. This is painful, but through
their suffering they gain complete self-realization, which
finally matures into a freely chosen love of God. That's the
drama of the soul. It keeps going on and on, with more souls
from the limitless well of the Potentiality continually passing
into the Actuality. My guru said, "Krishna is always
expanding." The Actuality is always expanding. In that
sense, even the Actuality has no limit. Creation is
continuous. It may appear that a universe will die, just as it
may appear that you will die. But that's a mistaken
impression.

April 14

Concluding With a Flashback

It's been a year since I started this notebook. I'm now


finishing it with some poems I wrote 38 years ago. They
were published in Back To Godhead magazine, whose back
issues just came out on a DVD.

The Flood

An infinite ocean of bliss!


Is it milk?
Or pure love energy?
Dancing, on a sea of chimes,
Arms stretched out
In a rain of sweetness;
Legs, dancing for God,
Dancing to His tune;
Alan, leaping to the chant
Like a drunk Cossack.
Everyone's astonished -
At last -
This is Krishna Consciousness!
Two Fools

Fool Number One:

Am I talking to Krishna?
Am I talking to an angel?
Am I talking to my wife?
Am I talking to myself?
One moment without you is an agony in Hell.
And even more hellish is the fact that I don't know it's
happening.

Fool Number Two:

The fool searches to do something for himself alone.


Afterwards he sees his stupidity and thinks,
"Was I searching for the ground floor of experience?"
"A base of pure physicality upon which all else may be
built?"
"A definition of my individual existence?"
Then he feels again the all-encompassing negation, the
denial.
He knows where the physical ends if it is followed.
It ends in Hell.
It is a planet, it exists somewhere out there,
There is a head magistrate, officers, and so on,
A specific "training course" for each capital transgression;
And after Hell, release; perhaps as a rock.
The fool gets another chance.

Fool Number One:

There must be a memory of something like that,


Somewhere in my head, and at times I escape to it.
It's easy to escape into memories,
To try to make the present into an ideal that turns out to be
Hell.

Fool Number Two:

The past is suffused with Hell,


The present is suffused with Hell,
The future is suffused with Hell.
Hell is the reductio ad absurdam of material life.
Stop trying to prove you can do it alone.
You can't, you need Krishna, you need your wife,
Your idea is a grotesque joke without them,
Your conception of God is pretty stupid if God didn't give it to
you.
Give up;
Give up this silly notion that you have to prove something to
somebody.
God loves you as you are;
Anyway, He knows all about your schemes,
And finds them unpleasant.
Is there any other reason He doesn't give you all His love?
Take off your mask, face it;
You don't exist,
You are only part and parcel of Krishna,
Yes, and your wife too;
How else can you love each other?

Fool Number One:

All that confuses me.


Crying is better,
Giving up even the attempt to understand,
Giving up hope of liberation, love,
Giving up hope of hope, and crying.
Crying is better, because somehow in crying I know
Krishna loves me.
All I can do is call His Name,
And hope He hears me:
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare;
Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare!

I Wanted To

I sat on a suburban hillside


And watched, across a small valley,
The opposite rise of land,
Covered with low gray houses.
Where I was in the grass,
By a Black Birch tree
With branches good for toothbrushes,
Two pheasants slowly picked
Their way through the dry leaves.
Across on the other hill,
Dim noises crackled from the roads
And rooftops. Robins whistled.
It gently faded into brilliance.
I held the light back from me,
Not desiring the Void any more,
Only trying to understand it.
Seven years ago I used beer
To hold Revival Meetings.
Six years ago I used a lunatic system
Of "Time and Energy" to forget God.
Five years ago I used Bartok
To make a window disappear.
Four years ago I used logic
To prove everything was nothing.
Three years ago I used film
To eliminate the blood problem.
Two years ago I contemplated mist.
One year ago I saw the Void.
Brittle, metallic stupidity.
The buzzing crash of electrons.
But now Swami told us
Something more that included
The mute impersonal glare.
Swami told us the truth,
And this was just illusion.
Swami told us about people,
And this was just physics.
Swami told us about love,
And this was just eternity.
God takes care of this, somehow,
All this ignorance.

Why was it illusion?


It appeared to be all-inclusive.
There was first the physical,
Then the rattling of the physical,
Then the dissemination into light.
But it didn't include
What Swami told us.
And he told us the truth.

I remembered the crashing electrons.


I paid attention and realised
The crashing was in this body,
Not in the hillside over there.
In my sense of it, the sight of it,
The sound of it, smell, touch, taste.
It appeared to be all-inclusive
Because this body was a network
With a beginning and an end.
Void-consciousness was body-consciousness.
And the hillside didn't give a damn.
The hillside was still there,
Going about its business,
And I was wrapped up in this body.
My senses only wanted to sense themselves.
To get to the hill I needed faith.
God made the hill and it was not Void.
He put it there,
I couldn't deny it.
I relaxed beyond my senses,
I relaxed into faith in God.

Staring at a hillside,
Gathering sense impressions,
Arranging them on a sheet of
Celluloid in front of me,
Pulling it, stretched,
Away from the hillside,
Forced up to me.
Then it burned and disappeared
In a hard shining fire.
But the hill was still there.

I went to the temple that night


Only because I wanted to.
Dancing, there was Swami;
Chanting, there was Swami;
Sitting, there was Swami;
Who else told us the truth?
The truth is
Hare-Krishna-Hare-Krishna
Krishna-Krishna-Hare-Hare
Hare-Rama-Hare-Rama
Rama-Rama-Hare-Hare;
Him.
Swami told us that.
Everything else is extra.
Swami told us that too.

The First Days of Spring


The aroma of the chant is a bee,
Buzzing, calling, a magnet pulling
Me away from wife and friends,
Forgetful of all but Krishna,
A baby -
God is a cowherd boy, a baby,
All of us are babies, crying
For our mother, Krishna,
A little bee, buzzing,
And stinging me, a cruel lover,
When I scream so hard for You
And You don't let me see You -
My body is exhausted, my voice broken -
Look what You've done to me!
I can't understand You, but I love You -
Do what You want with me -
I'll never know why You cheat me,
It only seems to be cheating because I'm a fool,
Do whatever You want -
Ruin me -
Your sting is all I ask for,
And perhaps a glimpse, now and then,
Of Your Lotus Feet -
Krishna -

Getting Across

A weak, starving man was walking


Slowly through a landscape of
Dead trees and barren thorn bushes.
On his back was a large sack
Filled with heavy grey stones.
He had nothing except these stones.
He loved his stones;
One was round, one was square,
And one was like a pyramid.
He took them out every now and then
To feel them. Then he
Put them back into the sack
And stumbled slowly on.
One day he came to a river;
The first he had ever seen.
On the other side was an amazing
Lush landscape of rich mountains,
Waterfalls, fruit trees, birds,
Gardens, and brilliant golden
Temples with happy children
Laughing, playing with deer.
Strong men with clear eyes
Came to the edge of the river
And shouted to him,
"Come over here! Come over here!
Just swim across the river!"
But the man said,
"I can't! I'd have to leave
My stones! I couldn't swim
With my stones! I'm too weak!"
"Leave them! Don't be foolish!
We have stones here - perfect stones,
Diamonds, dazzling rubies!"
"Yes, but my stones are round,
Square, and one is a pyramid!"
"We have better stones here -
What are you waiting for?"
"But, I'd have to give up my stones!"
"We just said, we could give
You better ones!"
"Yes , but they're not mine!"
"Why should that bother you?
What you have is nothing!
Look at all the beauty here!"
"Well, suppose you swim to me
And carry me over to your side."
"With your stones?"
"Yes, with my stones."
"No, we can't do that.
Nothing can get those stones
Across the water. They belong
Over there; but you do not!
You belong over here!"
Just then the man turned
To his side of the river
To see a thin creature
Loaded with stones
Jump into a thick mist downstream
And drown. It was screaming,
"Nothing! Nothing!" as it died.
Another one came, quietly,
And walked calmly in to drown.
It had no stones, but said, "Nothing."
The man looked at the mist,
And at the temples,
And he looked at himself.
Then he remembered something
He had forgotten, a long time ago.
He threw his stones away
And swam back across the river to get it.
The people greeted him with dancing,
And he found he was in the home of God.

Pradyumna

Pradyumna, Pradyumna,
Pradyumna Prabhu, walking in the park.
Pradyumna walking in the park.
Yellow and blue, shaved head Prabhu,
Walking in the park through the families.
Pradyumna walking through the families.
The grass is green, bright green
Where Pradyumna walks, blue and yellow,
Chanting on his beads, walking,
Walking through the families
In Montreal, walking to the temple,
Prabhu walking so nicely, walking
To the temple among the citizens
Who do not notice he is chanting,
Chanting Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,
On his beads as he walks, Krishna
Krishna, to the temple, Hare Hare,
Straight to the temple, Hare Rama,
Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Krishna kirtan,
Hare Hare, walking to Krishna's temple.
Yellow and blue on a green field,
A Brahmachary flag for Lord Krishna.
But still the people do not sing,
Do not follow him, the children do not
Laugh and dance with flowers at his feet.
How can they ignore the call, Krishna's call,
The urge to sing His Name, the urge
To follow Pradyumna Prabhu, a devotee
Of The Lord, walking, Pradyumna Prabhu,
Walking in the park, Pradyumna!

The Divine Name Sets the World A-Spinning


Who can understand the power of The Name?
The simple pronouncing of It
Clears the mind of all dirt,
Softens the heart, gladdens the heart,
Makes the sincere person laugh,
Relax, feel the Bliss of God's association,
Cry, see Govinda's Lovely Form before him,
Makes the devotee bow down
At the merest glimpse of Krishna's Lotus Feet,
Sing, dance, lose consciousness of himself,
Until all he can do is chant, chant,
And go mad with this chanting,
And go mad without the chanting -
Watch out for The Name of Krishna!
It will make you a madman!

Part Two: Afterdays

Heaven

It's twenty to seven.


I've had plenty of heaven,
I've had all I need of sleep.
Back to earth. I'll get up.
There's business to set up,
and promises to keep.
Jump into the shower.
I must leave in an hour.
No time to catch the news.
Take my pills. Drink my o.j.
It won't be a slow day.
Too much at stake to lose.
And meantime my doubles
have their own pack of troubles
in their parallel universe worlds.
In the lives we are shaping
there is no escaping
the fate of all boys and girls.
Time - is a tyrant.
Though its orders are silent,
each clock is its face on the wall.
No use in lying.
Everyone's dying.
We're running in place, that's all.
So I run, to my car,
and I drive near and far
to a future I share with the clouds.
All the cash in my purse
will one day disperse
and I'll drift away ghostly in shrouds.
Eternity then
will become my friend.
Well, why not befriend it today?
At least in my head
I DECLARE MYSELF DEAD.
Now, my work has turned into play.
All is forgiven.
Yes, I really start living -
beyond death, for heaven's sake.
My final conclusion:
time is illusion.
I'm in heaven, asleep and awake.