Just a note from the second reading that I sent out because I neglected to say where it was from:

Mark the Monk, Counsels on the Spiritual Life, p. 247. Today's selection comes from Dorotheos of Gaza: Discourses and Sayings, Cistercian Studies #33, pp.127-128. The Psalm in the entry for today's reading is Psalm (39) 40 and in the King James version of the Bible the first few verses are rendered as follows: 40: 1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. 3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. The reason that I include this version is because I want you to see the version that I know best because I recited it nightly, without fail, for a full three years in the midst of profound and grinding distress and fear as we waited to see whether or not the courts in Vermont would allow Barrett to return home to me or not. There were no other prayers, only this. Prior to reaching out and finding this Psalm I had been away from the Church for all of my adult life, so that this was near the outer edges of my return to faith. It might be instructive for you to read the entire psalm for many reasons, but selfishly because it is that psalm, alone I believe, that is responsible for who I am today and what I do. Also it may help you see how I was so amazed by the discovery of this reading yesterday morning. Tomorrow I'll offer one more brief piece of the story that I started above, and the rest of the commentary on "making enquiries"...or seeking a spiritual guide. The turning of the heart is not something that can be fully accomplished in isolation. +++++++++++++++++++++ "Be careful to make enquiries, brothers, and do not set yourselves up as your own judges. Learn by experience how much freedom from anxiety, how much joy, how much peace this brings. But although I was saying that I am never troubled now, listen to what happened to me some time ago. When I was still in the cenobium, there came to me only once a great and unspeakable trial. I was in such dire straights that I was almost at the point of departing this life. But this affliction was contrived by the devil; a trial of this kind could only be brought upon us by the devil's jealousy. Althought it did not last long it was very grievous while it lasted. My heart was heavy; my mind dark; nothing would comfort me and there was no relief anywhere. I was shut in on all sides, completely stifled. The grace of God comes swiftly to the soul when endurance is no longer possible. I was then, as I said, in a state of temptation and distress. On one of the days I was in this condition, I was standing inside looking abstractedly out into the court of the monastery in the early hours and beseeching God about it. Suddenly I turned towards the church and perceived someone having the appearance of a bishop come into the sanctuary, as though carried by wings. Ordinarily I never used to approach a stranger unless I had to do or had been ordered to do so, but at that moment something drew me powerfully after him, so I went in behind him. He remained standing for some time with his hands stretched up towards heaven, and I stood there behind him in great fear, praying, for I was very alarmed at the sight of him. When his prayer was finished, he turned and came towards me, and as he drew nearer to me I felt my pain and dread

passing away. Then he stood in front of me and, stretching out his hand, touched me on the breast and tapped me on the chest with his fingers saying: I waited, waited for the Lord And he stooped down to me; He heard my cry. He drew me from the deadly pit, from the miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock and made my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise of our God. He repeated all these verses three times, tapping me on the chest, as I said. Then he departed. And immediately light flooded my mind and there was joy in my heart with comfort and sweetness. I was a different man. I ran out after him hoping to find him but I could not. He had disappeared. From that moment on, by God's providence, I have not known myself to be troubled by sorrow or fear, but the Lord has sheltered me till now through the prayers of the seniors of the abbas." +++++++++++++++++++++ Father: I went back and read the several documents preceding and surrounding Dominus Iesus and I think you are correct. I think that defect does indeed refer to validity, and because that is true then it can be said that the term defects cannot really apply to Orthodoxy since my canonical home recognizes the sacramental validity of all Orthodoxy, regardless of whether or not they are in communion with one another. I cannot find anywhere where it is stated explicitly that Orthodoxy is defective. I believe my comment on being wounded by the schism is indeed the correct understanding. If you can find a quote that says that any or all Orthodox Churches are defective in light of your connecting validity and defect, then I will happily stand corrected..In ChristMary