Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

How was I feeling about my leadership skills and me as a leader so far? The school year is moving fast, and we are already approaching Spring Break. Reflecting back on this year I see I have really pushed myself to step up as a school leader. I am very proud of the things I have accomplished because I can feel and see that I am growing in numerous ways. Things like supporting others, leading meetings, facilitating discussions, experimenting with protocols, and always offering my help have really helped me build confidence and made me have a strong presence at my school. I have been finding people are coming to me for more things because of the things I have been doing for the school. That feels great. Can I say Im a Teacher Leader? Yes! So, what I wondered what could I do to continue to push myself Having done different things around the school, I really wanted to step out of the comfort zone and tackle a more complicated issue that could test my skills as a leader and help make me an even stronger leader. Lucky for me the opportunity came to me via Greg Callaham, our Intern Director. WALO #3 Opportunity Emerges This year Greg has been working on some sensitive and tough issues at our school concerning equity among our staff, and how to create a safe environment in order for equity to occur. This basically is encouraging everyone to have a voice, and not dominate by speaking over others, or by not talking up at all. Equity for us meant that everyone felt safe enough to share opinions or advice and be involved. Right now at my school we are having a little equity issue. It is hard to tackle on an equity issue among staff. This may be because when you have a small close staff that is like a second family you know who speaks up, and who doesnt. You know who can be a little intimidating, and you know and feel when tensions arise. My co-workers mean the world to me, and I love them all. But, sometimes I do see when others get scared (and myself at times) and retreat. When people retreat their voices go unheard. And, that is not fair or acceptable at a school that needs every voice to be heard.

We have done different workshops throughout the year on talking about how us as a staff could reflect on our own actions that could help foster, or maybe damage, the safe environment (that fosters equity) at our school. Greg asked me to help him develop our next Staff Development Day with him, because he wanted an extra facilitator and also because he wanted to support me in my goal to becoming a stronger leader. Greg has been very helpful and supportive of my goals this year, and our school has greatly valued his unique insights and creative practices. Anyways, I accepted, knowing that the issues we would talk about could be tough and sensitive. It is hard to get people to reflect already, but even more so when the reflections are about behavior and equity. I knew this was the thing for me. How? Because I was really nervous and scared. When youre scared to do something, just do it, right? I was worried about being a good enough facilitator to handle conversations that were touchy sensitive issues. So far I have played it safe. I also knew that many staff members had tension between each other, and that our main topic on this Staff Day would attempt to clear this out. I was scared that I would open the can of worms and not for the better. This whole topic was Gregs main focus and passion, and I was jumping on board no to lead it. Would I get blamed for the things that would arise, and thus creating tension between the staff and me? Would I be able to back Greg up, and make him proud? Would I help create equity, or make us have less equity? Would I look stupid? Am I going to get all ditzy and dumb when I get nervous? Probably. What I was going to do to push myself? One of the parts that I decided to do for the Staff Development Day was to find a way to encourage each person to think about the things they value and appreciate about everyone on the staff. This was to make sure everyone felt positive minded, and to act as a reminder that we care and respect each other. This reminder would allow for people to share and hear difficult things. Next they would need to reflect on some of the things that may be portrayed as damaging to the safe environment we need for equity to happen. Sometimes when we are not at our best, because of personal stress, dilemmas/issues and just daily problems that can occur we lash-out or this feeling comes out in negative ways. This overwhelmed, tired or checked-out feeling can at times come out in not so healthy behaviors. These not so healthy lash-outs or slip-ups are usually by accident or non-intentional. Either way, these things can damage the safe culture and environment that nurture equity among the staff. Here is an example to help clarify the issue we wanted to work on (and this is Gregs year long focus): Judy had a very hectic morning. She is running on very little sleep because of stress at work, financial strain, health problems and raising a child who lost his shoe while getting ready for school while Judy was trying to make her childs lunch. These are normal adult situations. Judy comes late to a meeting because she had been frantically running around all morning. She comes in 15 minutes late and flops down in a chair and does a big sigh of relief. Meanwhile the staff was in a meeting, and a new teacher is facilitating a conversation. This new teacher, Joe, was very nervous to facilitate the whole staff meeting and had prepared for weeks. Joe was a bit shy, but tying to push himself to speak up. As Joe was talking Judy came flying in and disrupted the flow of the meeting by plopping down in her chair and doing an exaggerated sigh. Joe ignores this disruption, and stands strong. Good Morning, Judy. We were just having a discussion about student displays and how positive they affect students when they see them shared Joe. Yeah, whatever whispers Judy. And, with that comment that Judy never meant to come out as a sign that she didnt care, but really was a sign that she was mentally drained and just preparing her mind for meeting focus had a consequence. Joe took this as a sign that Judy could care less about what he was doing. He had lost a little confidence from

this. He now does not want to do something like this again. He is embarrassed cause he knows other teachers heard this. This is actually something Judy has done before, that has made other staff members uncomfortable around her.

That is a scenario where someone accidently did something not so healthy that affected the safe environment that allows for everyone to feel comfortable enough to speak up, be involved or try new things in front of each other. When we are not at our best, we can do things similar to Judy that affect others, without us ever knowing. Now imagine if Joe had known what Judy had been through, and was going through. Imagine if he knew that Judys sigh was not a sign of frustration towards him and what he was doing. What if Joe felt empathy and compassion towards Judy and her life outside school, and understood that this behavior was not a personal thing towards him? This is what Greg and I wanted our staff to understand. To reflect on things they may do when they are not at their best (which could affect a safe environment, thus equity) and feel empathy towards others. So how was I going to do all this? Through a reflective letter and share out. The HTM Reflective Letter (with mini protocol) I developed a small activity with a protocol for all staff members, including myself to do. Here is the handout I made for everyone: (You will see the goal and product we are focusing on)

A Reflective Letter to Your HTM Family

HTM Family

Goal: To share how much we care about one another, and to reflect on ourselves and how some things can come across a little differently then we intend, especially when we are not at our best. We will each write a letter to the whole HTM Family. This letter will share the things you see and value about everyone, and also share what you worry could be misunderstood at times about yourself and explain the other side. We will then end the letter with a best wishes message. Format: Start With Sharing the things you see and value about the HTM Family Explain A behavior that could be misunderstood and then explain the real reasons behind this misunderstood behavior (these are things perhaps you feel may affect our equity environment) End With A Best Wishes Message The Process/Product: (5-10min) Feel free to do what is most comfortable to you. BUT, if you need some suggestions here are a few: You could write a full letter and read the full letter You could just jot down notes You could think of these things in your head You could fill out the this template: I notice/appreciate (something about the everyone) and I want you to know that if I (behavior which could be misunderstood) its because (real explanation) The Delivery : (15-20min) We will each take turns and share our letters out loud to our whole HTM Family. -Do not respond to others. Just listen. *REMEMBER: This is a moment and activity for all of us to take the time to show we care, and to also clear the air about things we may have accidently done, but didnt mean. I like to think of the idea that: We are all humans and make mistakes. Forgive me of my mistakes and always know and trust that I care about you.

Here is my letter that I wrote and read out loud to everyone before they all wrote his or her own:

March 2012 To My HTM Family, Everyday I walk the halls at HTM and I am amazed at the wonderful things each and every one of you do. I peek in the classrooms and absolutely love the creative energy that happens. When I walk the hallways I feel so proud of the people I get to work with. You guys are amazing at what you do, and you all are special and unique. I want you to know that I value all the wonderful things you do for our school, and also for me. You are all my teammates, my co-workers, my friend and my family. I sometimes worry that maybe I can be short and terse at times when you may be talking to me. I worry that I can come off a bit bitchy or that you may think I do not care what you are saying. I DO care. I care very much. When this happens, it is because I have a tendency to hyper focus on certain issues and my mind gets distracted and my anxiety is on overdrive thinking about the things I need to take care of. Please do not ever think I do not like you, or that I do not care. I will try to catch myself when I do this, but I just wanted everyone to know about this funky quirk of mine. This is going to be a fascinating year of innovation, creativity and excitement. I wish for all of us Sincerely, Charlie Linnik

After reading the above handout, you will see a very simple and short protocol. I gave a time limit, and some simple rules. This protocol was one I just developed specific to this activity, and Im not sure if it even counts as a protocol. To me a protocol is a guideline or direction(s), a thing to stick by so things like an activity, conversation, or issue can be implemented in a focused and timely manner. I could not find a good protocol for my activity, especially since the topic is more of a reflection and also a sensitive issue that perhaps shouldnt be strictly structured in order to allow for people to feel comfortable.

I basically decided to stick to two sections: A reflective personal section and a share out section. My protocol was simple but I stuck to it as a Facilitator in order to guide my activity along. I laid down some rules and structure, but left things open enough so people could connect and still feel comfortable. I didnt pick a complicated fancy protocol or a very detailed one, becausewell I really wanted to survive this. How Everything Went During the HTM Reflection? Wow, was I nervous. People were writing, and writing and writing. The time I allotted wasnt enough time. I asked my group how much longer they wanted, and they replied 3-4 more minutes. I was amazed to see how much writing was being done. I was dying to know what was being written. I was also very excited to see that people were really jumping into this activity. After the time was up, I reminded people to listen and not respond. I was about to ask who would like to start but, one co-worker asked if it was okay to not share. Oh. I totally faltered here. I really wanted people to share. I wanted to hear what people were thinking. Wasnt the point to hear appreciations and reflections? I looked at her and she seemed a little timid, which is so not like her. I was worried about why she didnt want to share. And, while I was thinking all this (which was probably like a good minute of me being silent) I was freaking out. I glanced at Greg and did the what the hell do I do face expression, but he was looking down at the floor. I also worried she would be the only one not sharing which could make her feel uncomfortable, so I had to do something to make sure everyone would feel comfortable during this sharing time. Was this a mistake in my activity? Would a more structured, stricter protocol be better? As a facilitator I am responsible for leading safe activities, I need to give people options in how they sharewhy did I only give one option for sharing such a personal deep thing? I need to remember this next time. Quick, what do I say? Of course. Everyone, do what feels most comfortable. If you want to share, then share. If not, that is completely okay. You can read your whole letter, or maybe just a small section. Do what feels good yes, nailed that with finesse. And, with that the floor opened up. People went around and read their letters, and the experience was amazing. There were some teary eyes, and there was a lot of love. And, there were many behaviors explained that seemed to release some tension. Wonderful. I dont want to share too much about the share-outs (it went great), because this is a private thing. But, I do want to share the specific learning moments and mistakes that occurred throughout the whole process. With that in mind here is the next section. What Learning Experiences Occurred and What I Learned From My Mistakes? (Specific Moments) Situation #1: What is This, Confessions?! When I passed out the handout, and explained the purpose of the activity I suddenly realized that this assignment felt like we had to confess our sins or something. My heart began to panic a little as I was explaining the directions. I kept going, and I read my letter as an example for everyone. When I finished I totally felt weird and uncomfortable. This seemed like I was asking people to think of a behavior or things they do wrong, and apologize for it in front of everyone.

This is NOT supposed to be a confessional. I am struggling with a good way to explain this. I stated. I felt that it was okay to say I made a mistake. I figured people would respect me more if I share that I made a mistake in my activity, instead of letting things go awry. I then looked at Greg for encouragement, and just decided to share the main goal again. I just wanted for people to share and express what they appreciated about their HTM Family, reflect on themselves and think about something they may do or a habit that could or may affect our safe environment and hopefully we will feel more compassionate towards each other and feel closer. That felt better. I think sometimes when we get lost, or make a mistake in front of people when you are leading an activity it is okay to say you made a mistake. And, a great way to clarify things is to restate the goal or purpose. Its like back tracking and keeping the goal in mind. After I shared my purpose I felt better, and I just let people start writing. And, writing they sure did.

Situation #2: Awkward Silences are the Ultimate Push After people took time to write their letters, and we were about to share, Greg whispered to me some great advice. Wait for those awkward silences. That is what will push people to speak up he said. What?! I thought in my head. TOTAL ENLIGHTMENT OCCURED. Holy sh*t, you dont say was what my inside voice said. As a teacher I always took those awkward silences as students not engaged, or confused. Those awkward moments were where I spoke up as a teacher and either clarified instructions or tweaked the questions. But, as a leader in this particular situation by me not stepping up for people it was my way of encouraging them to speak up. Hot dang! Thats cool, because it totally worked. I was uncomfortable when no one offered to go first. The awkward silences in the beginning made me feel like people didnt want to do the activity (thought it was stupid, or too personal for a work activity), or didnt care, or they were totally confused. I was looking at Greg and was thinking you better be right. But, those things I was worried about wasnt the case at all. Someone just needed to start, and people just needed to push themselves to share even though they were shy. The awkward silences acted like a little push. That was a great tip and thing for me to try. It was hard not to want to fill those silences as the facilitator. But, I just let them happen. And, little by little people talked. Situation #3: The Failed Protocol I shared above that the protocol I made was simple, and not strict or to structured. I think because this activity was a personal reflection and could be a little sensitive; it didnt seem right to uphold a more complicated protocol. I still wonder though if I should have tweaked the assignment and actually had a more detailed structured protocol. Would more people have shared? Would it have made the share-outs more comfortable? Also, you will see that I gave the share-out section 15-20 minutes. We were nearing break (and I could tell people needed a breather) and it had been 20 minutes so as a Facilitator I gave the warning that we would close in two minutes. No one shared in those two minutes, even though I did the awkward silence thing. After the two minutes of no one talking, and people sifting in their seats, I let people go to break.

During break someone had shared with my Director that they wanted to share. I definitely wanted people to share, and have the opportunity, but I wondered if it would feel weird to pick back up after a break. I worried the vibe we created would be gone after a 20 minute break. Plus, Greg and I had wanted people to take a break and mentally be ready for the next activity. Having a better protocol may have avoided this minor issue. The Feedback I really didnt want to talk about the things we did today, but I knew it was important. I feel more emphatic towards others, and I feel better and closer to the people I work with. I liked hearing the appreciations. That was special I thought it was important that you gave us choice to share our letters or not. I didnt share, and I think it was good you didnt force anything. I just felt very emotional and wanted to just listen. Thanks for that.

Hearing some of the things people said, helped me get a better sense of the things they do. I feel this was a reminder to not take things personally. I think if you structured the activity for people to share smaller parts, and just go around in a circle- you would have heard from more people and saved some time. The above quotes are some feedback I received from my co-workers about the HTM Letter Activity. Greg and I had sat down together and talked about how we felt things went. Greg had collected some exit slips, and I had talked one on one with several staff members about the activities we did that day. People were generally appreciative of the activities, and were happy with the way we facilitated. I did have a good conversation with a fellow co-worker who suggested I when I something next to slow down when I explain directions so that people can take time to let things sink in. Also, that I should have had some type of closer of debrief after the HTM Letter Reflection, because leaving for break felt a little weird. It was weird for him to share stuff, and hear these deep things, then just go to the bathroom and eat a snack. I agree. I do felt like I should have had some type of closer, and thinking back on other things I have done I think this is something I always leave out. I always end things without doing a any final thoughts. These things like final thoughts, closers, and debriefs allow people to think back on the experience and hear what people have learned. I need to work on that. How am I feeling now, and what next? We have a short time from now to the end of the school year. I have some leader-type opportunities coming up this month, and I will always sign up in the future. I want to continue to work on being a stronger and well-respected leader at my school. So, I guess we will see how I continue to grow