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Puzzles Click here Optical Illusions Click here Math Jokes: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Several men applied for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill that job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified; an American, a Russian, an Australian and a man fro m an Unkown Island. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer woul d determine who would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewe r asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know?' Dave, the American, replied, 'A THOUGHT. I t just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just t here. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.' 'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And now you sir?' he asked Vladimir , the Russian. 'Hmm.... let me see. A blink ! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fas test thing I know.' 'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, tha t's a very popular clich for speed.' He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.' The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found h is man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light' he said. Turning to the 4th guy, the interviewer posed the same question. He replied, 'Af ter hearing the 3 previous answers sir, it's obvious to me that the fastest thin g is Diarrhea!' 'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats... 'Oh, I can explain sir,.' said the guy, ' You see, sir, the other day my tummy w as feeling bad, so I run very fast to the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BL INK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already done it in my pants!' Guess who was hired as the new 'Greeter' at Wal-Mart; Of course, the 4th guy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dilbert's Theorem on salary states that Engineers, Teachers, Programmers and Sci entists can never earn as much salary as business executives and sales people. T his theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the followi ng three postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power (Knowledge = Power) Postulate 2: Time is Money (Time is Money) Postulate 3: (As every Physics student knows) Power = Work / Time It therefore follows: Power = Work / Time (Since Knowledge = Power) Knowledge = Work / Time (Since Money = Time)

Knowledge = Work / Money (Solving for Money) Money = Work / Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done. Conclusion: The Less You Know, The More You Make! (submitted by Faisel Saeed, Au gust 24, 2009) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willi ng to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Math Genius I do not know if the following is true, but someone attributed this to Hazrat Al i ibn Abi-Taalib (May Allah be pleased with him) as a Math Genius: One Day a person came to Hazrat Ali (May Allah be pleased with him), thinking th at people say "Ali is too smart;" I'll ask him such a tough question that he won 't be able to answer and I'll embarrass him in front of all Arabs. He asked, "Ali, can you tell me a number, that if we divide it by any number fro

m 1-10 the answer will always come in the form of a whole number and not as a fr action." Ali Looked back at him and said, "Take the number of months in a year, multiply it with number of days in a month (30), and multiply that with the numb er of days in a week and you will have your answer." The person did not believe Ali. He checked the answer and found it was correct. The number was 12 x 30 x 7 = 2520 A person was about to die, and before dying he wrote his Will, "I have 17 Camels , and I have three sons. Divide my Camels in such a way, that My eldest son gets half of them, the second one gets 1/3rd of the total and my youngest son gets 1 /9th of the total number of Camels." After his death when the relatives read his will they got extremely perplexed an d said to each other that how can we divide 17 camels like this. So after a long hard thought they decided that there was only one man in Arabia who could help them: "Ali Ibn Abi- Taalib (May Allah be pleased with him)." So t hey all came to him and put forward their problem. Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) said, "Ok. I will divide the camels as per t he man's will; I will lend one of my camels to the total which makes it 18; now lets divide as per his will." The Eldest gets 1/2 of 18 = 9 The second one gets 1/3 of 18 = 6 and The Youngest gets 1/9 of 18 = 2 That distributes 17 camels. Then Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) said, "Now I will take my Camel back." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Creepy?? Look what happens when an American President gets elected in a year with a "0"at the end. 1840: William Henry Harrison (Wing) (died in office) 1860: Abraham Lincoln (Republican) (assassinated) 1880: James A. Garfield (Republican) (assassinated) 1900: William McKinley (Republican) (assassinated) 1920: Warren G. Harding (Republican) (died in office) 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Democrat) (died in office) 1960: John F. Kennedy (Democrat) (assassinated) 1980: Ronald Reagan (Republican)(survived assassination attempt) 2000: George W. Bush (Republican) murdered thousands of innocent people in Afgha n & Iraqi wars Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Now it gets really weird. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.' Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker....... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe. Creepy huh? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Why was the Math book unhappy? It had too many problems ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------What did one Math book say to the other? Don't bother me I've got my own prob lems! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you got $10 from 10 people, what would you have? A new bike ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------What did the circle say to the tangent line? Stop touching me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Why do the cricket players take cigarette lighters ???????????? BECAUSE THEY L OST ALL THE MATCHES. (Qasim Raza Merchant) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------How do you make a foolish person busy all day???? PUT HIM IN A ROUND ROOM AND TELL HIM TO SIT IN A CORNER.(Qasim Raza Merchant) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A guy had a parrot named Polly. The parrot died. A mathematician asked the guy, "How did the parrot die?" The guy replied, "Polly no meal, Polly gone." The mathematician was puzzled in his mind, thinking "Polynomial Polygon." ...... "Polynomial Polygon." ......"Polynomial Polygon." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The mathematician replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Well,up and down makes it 3, but across the middle makes it 0. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Can you count to 10? Pupil: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven... Teacher: Stop! Teacher points to another pupil - Now go on from there. Pupil: Eight, nine, ten, Jack, Queen, King. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many d ollars would you have? Pupil: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic. Pupil: You don't know my father ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ?

In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges. If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have ? Big hands ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------This poem was written by Jon Saxton (an author of math textbooks). ((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0 Or for those who have trouble reading the poem: A Dozen, a Gross and a Score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by seven, plus five times eleven, equals nine squared and not a bit more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three men were in the hospital waiting room when the nurse rushed in and said to the first man, "Sir, you're the father of twins." "Hey! Isn't that a coincidence!" he replied. "I'm a member of the Minnesota Twin s baseball team." Later, the nurse came in and said to the second man, "Sir, you're the father of triplets." "Gee!" the man exclaimed. "Another coincidence! I'm with the 3M Company." The third man jumped to his feet, grabbed his hat and said, "I'm getting out of here. I work for 7-UP!" (Submitted by Afshan Hussaini) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A girl holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says the girl. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." (Submitted by Faise l Saeed) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Australians conducted a scientific, mathematical, statistical worldwide survey w ith the following question: "Please give us your opinion on the lack of food in the rest of the world" No response was received. I suppose, the following problems were faced during th e survey's implementation : 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. In In In In In Eastern Europe and most of Asia no one knew what is "opinion". Western Europe no one knew what is "lack". Africa no one knew what is "food". North America no one knew what is "rest of the world". South America no one knew what is "Please".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------The English Language: Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with th e English Language?. Let's face it. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger, and neither pine nor apple in the pin eapple. English muffins were not invented in England. French fries were not inve nted in France. We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find t hat Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square. And a guinea pig i s neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth. Shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth, If the teacher taught, Why didn't the pr eacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the does a humanitarian ea t? Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital; Park on driveways and Drive on parkways? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down; And in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers, and i t reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all ). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man left the cold snowy streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, le t out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family ru shed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. PS: Sure is hot down here. (Submitted by Munir Din) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------NOTE TO MANAGEMENT: Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

sent away as soon as possible. Sd/ Project Leader -------------------------------------------- > A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE ABOVE NOTE: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the last note to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13... for my true assessment of him. All The Best -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Some time ago I received a call from a colleague, who asked if I would be the r eferee on the grading of an examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed he shoul d receive a perfect score and would if the system were not set up against the st udent. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected. I went to my colleague's office and read the examination question: "Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer." The student had answered: "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building." I pointed out that the student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly. On the other hand, i f full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physic s course. A high grade is supposed to certify competence in physics, but the ans wer did not confirm this. I suggested that the student have another try at answe ring the question. I was not surprised that my colleague agreed, but I was surpr ised when the student did. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give u p, but he said no. He had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one. I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go o n. In the next minute, he dashed off his answer which read: "Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge of the roo f. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula S=0.5*a*t^2, calculate the height of the building." At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and gave t he student almost full credit. In leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him w hat they were. "Oh, yes," said the student. "There are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer. For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and meas ure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, determine the heig ht of the building." "Fine," I said, "and others?"

"Yes," said the student. "There is a very basic measurement method you will like . In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the buildin g in barometer units. "A very direct method." "Of course, if you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer t o the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at t he street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated." "Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem. Prob ably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: 'Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer." At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional an swer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think, to use th e "scientific method," and to explore the deep inner logic of the subject in a p edantic way, as is often done in the new mathematics, rather than teaching him t he structure of the subject. With this in mind, he decided to revive scholastici sm as an academic lark to challenge the Sputnik-panicked classrooms of America. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, a nd the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and t rying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not kno wing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and ge tting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a s uggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the w indows again, and maybe it'll work !?" (Zareen Shaukat) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you? Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. What sort of trouble? Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. Went away? They disappeared. Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? Nothing. Nothing? It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type. Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? How do I tell? Can you see the C:\prompt on the screen? What's a sea-prompt? Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen? There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type. Does your monitor have a power indicator? What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on? I don't know. Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes in to it. Can you see that? Yes, I think so. Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Yes, it is. When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plug ged into the back of it, not just one? No. Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. Okay, here it is. Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely in to the back of your co mputer. I can't reach. Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? No. Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark. Dark? Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the win dow. Well, turn on the office light then. I can't. No? Why not? Because there's a power outage. A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in? Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when y ou got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. Really? Is it that bad? Yes, I'm afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them? Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A student wrote letter to his home: Dear Dad! This $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. Mathematic$, a$tronomy, and economic$ are the $ubject$ I like. With all my $tuf f, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $ end me a po$t card, a$ I would love to $ee $ome word$ from you. $end it to me $oon, Your $on ----------------A week later he received a letter from home: Dear Son! I kNOw that trigoNOmetry, astroNOmy, and ecoNOmics are eNOugh to keep even an ho NOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, a nd kNOw that NO one can ever learn eNOugh. Love, Your NOt so kNOwledgeable Dad

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A lazy dog is a slow pup. A slope-up is an inclined plane. An ink-lined plane is a sheet of writing-paper. Therefore, a lazy dog is a sheet of writing-paper. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They onl y had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tap e along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says t o the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he give s us the length!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------The British gutter press has decided to encode its royal family stories discrete ly in Morse code. I suppose their headlines now read: Did Di die... Di did die.... Di Died. Did Dodi die... Dodi did die.... Dodi died. Did Di Dodi die... Di Dodi did die.... Di Dodi died!! Di...Di...Di Died! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------What is "pi"? Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of circumference of a circle to its diameter. Engineer: Pi is about 22/7. Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.

Computer Programmer: Nutritionist: ous dessert!

You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delici

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'l l differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And the other guy says; "No, it won't do anything to me, I am e^x". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before journey mathematicians bought 3 tickets and economists bought only one. Mathema ticians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, whe n the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. Conductor noticing that somebody is in the toilet knocked to the door and in rep ly saw a hand with the ticket. He checked it and economists saved 2/3 of the tic ket price. Next day mathematicians decided to use the same strategy - they bough t only one ticket, but economists did not buy ticket at all. When mathematicians saw conductor they went to the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back. Why? The economists took it and went t o the other toilet.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A party of mathematicians was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they be came hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up a nd down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. The mathematician's child and the economist's child were in the third grade toge ther, and the teacher asked, "If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?" Bo th children raised their hands. A lecturer tells some students to learn the phone-book by heart. The The The The The The mathematicians are baffled: "By heart? You kidding?" physics-students ask: "Why?" engineers sigh: "Do we have to?" chemistry-students ask: "Till next Monday?" accounting-students (scribbling): "Till tomorrow?" laws-students answer: "We already have."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are at a hotel one night sleeping after the first day of a conference. A disgruntled hotel employee decides to get even with the management. He goes to a floor where there is nobody in the hallway. He drops a lit match into a trash can in the hallway. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into th e hallway and sees a fire, so he fills his trash can from his room with water an d douses the fire. He goes back to bed. The disgruntled hotel employee found another trash can in the hallway and drops a lit match into it. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens hi s door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire-hose and after calculating the flame distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extingui shes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. He goes back t o bed. This hotel employee then drops some trash paper and a lit match into the same tr ash can in the hallway. Then the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goe s to the hallway, sees a fire and then the fire-hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!!" and then goes back to bed. You can guess what happened after that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Hellllooooo! Where are we?" (They he ar the echo several times). Two minutes later they hear this echoing voice: "Hellllooooo! You're lost!!" One of the men says, "That must be a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other m en asks, "Why do you say that?" He replies: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was ab solutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Several students were asked the following problem: Is it true that all odd integers are prime? Well, the first student to try to do this was a math student. Hey says "hmmm... Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime." The physics student then said, "I'm not sure of the validity of your proof, but I think I'll try to prove it by experiment." He continues, "Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it seems that that all odd integers are prime." The third student to try it was the engineering student, who responded, "Well, a ctually, I'm not sure of your answer either. Let's see... 1 is prime, 3 is prime , 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ..., 9 is ..., standard deviation, 11 is prime, 1 3 is prime... Well, it does seem that all odd integers are prime." Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along and says "Well, you guys sort'v got the right idea, but you'd end up taking too long doing it. I've just whipped up a program using a "do loop" to REALLY go and prove it..." He run s his computer program. The computer responds, "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is pri me, 1 is prime, 1 is prime...." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?" Philosopher: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?" The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and for th, and finally announces "3.99". The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his comp uter, and announces "it lies between 3.99 and 4.01". The mathematician cogitates for a while, oblivious to the rest of the world, the n announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exi sts!". Politician: Closes all the doors and windows, looks around carefully, then whisp ers "What do you want it to be?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two male mathematicians are in a restaurant. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress and tells her that after a few minutes when his friend r eturns, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answe r one third x cubed. She repeats 'one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats 'one third x cubed'. She: 'one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes o

ff mumbling to herself, 'one thir dex cuebd...'. The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that mos t people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde wait ress an integral calculus question, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squar ed?" The waitress says 'one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns back an d says over her shoulder 'plus a constant'! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watch ing the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later they reappeared together with a third person. - They have multiplied, said the biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mat hematician concluded. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Question: "How many seconds are there in a year?" Answer: "Twelve, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, ..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Shatranj and Dilaram

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Intersting Number 2519: For N=2 to 10: 2519/N always gives you remainder as (N-1) 2519 / 2 gives you remainder 1 2519 / 3 gives you remainder 2 2519 / 4 gives you remainder 3 2519 / 5 gives you remainder 4 2519 / 6 gives you remainder 5 2519 / 7 gives you remainder 6 2519 / 8 gives you remainder 7 2519 / 9 gives you remainder 8 2519 / 10 gives you remainder 9 Also For N=1 to 9: (2519-N)/(N+1) always gives you a whole number (2519 - 1 ) / 2 = 1259 (2519 - 2 ) / 3 = 839 (2519 - 3 ) / 4 = 629 (2519 - 4 ) / 5 = 503

(2519 (2519 (2519 (2519 (2519

5 6 7 8 9

) ) ) ) )

/ / / / /

6 = 419 7 = 359 8 = 314 9 = 279 10 = 251

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mathematical Anagrams: a decimal point I'm a dot in place a number line innumerable algebra a garble calculation I call a count decimal point I'm a pencil dot election results lies let's recount eleven plus two twelve plus one factorize craze of it higher mathematics ahh! arithmetic gems incomprehensible problem in Chinese integral calculus calculating rules inconsistent n is, n is not, etc. logarithm algorithm mathematics match items multiplication million up attic negation get a "no" in number theory they burn more numerator true moran pocket calculators clack! total up score Year Two Thousand a year to shut down Miscellaneous Anagrams: action man cannot aim animosity is no amity astronomer moon starer astronomers no more stars comfort is Microsoft debit card bad credit don't question do inquest not dormitory dirty room election results lies - let's recount GEORGE BUSH HE BUGS GORE listen silent mother-in-law woman Hitler school master the classroom slot machines cash lost in'em tired nerves tense driver the answer wasn't here the country side no city dust here the earthquakes that queer shake the eyes they see the morse code here come dots truth is it hurts Geography Anagrams: California Africa lion California African oil Houston hot on us Kansas City Satanic sky

Tasmania I am Satan Washington hating snow Celebrity Anagrams: Albert Einstein Ten Elite Brains Bill Gates gets a bill Clint Eastwood old west action George Bush he bugs Gore George W. Bush where bugs go Jennifer Aniston fine in torn jeans Princess Diana end is a car spin Ronald Wilson Reagan insane anglo warlord Sean Connery on any screen Palindrome Sentences: Able was I ere I saw Elba. A man, a plan, a canal Panama! A nut for a jar of tuna. A Toyota! Race fast, safe car. A Toyota. Cigar? Toss it in a can. It is so tragic. Draw pupil's lip upward Gateman sees name, garageman sees name tag. Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog. If I had a hi-fi Madam, I'm Adam. Never odd or even. On a clover, if alive, erupts a vast, pure evil; a fire volcano. Rats live on no evil star. Some men interpret nine memos. Ten animals I slam in a net. Was it a car or a cat I saw? Do you know that: 'STEWARDESSES' is the longest word typed with only the left hand. 'LOLLIPOP' is the longest word typed with only right hand. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH', 'ORANGE', 'SILVER', or 'PUR PLE'. 'DREAMT' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'ABSTEMIOUS' and 'FACETIOUS'. 'TYPEWRITER' is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. Submitted by Ronald C. Emrit (September 2009).

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Updated July 13, 2011

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