Barack Obama became a Formula 1 McLaren driver today, as World Champion Lewis Hamilton resigned 'for personal reasons'.

The President had to cancel his 'Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe, and attended a press conference in London to announce his change of career. 'I shall bring to Formula 1 a dignity, a respectful and honorable attitude, I shall not lie about passing an Iraqi car following a safety election. I will not tell the stewards of the world that I, Barack 'Black Flag' Obama, claimed to be going to withdraw from the Middle East Grand Prix, when televised evidence has proved that I did.' 'I will not then admit I lied, and be sent from the White House to the Dog House. This is a great day for us, when a black man can finally compete in Formula 1 without resorting to cheating, and telling porkies. Thank you.' Due to Mr Obama's joining the McLaren team, television commentators have been given new guidelines for Grand Prixs. Firstly, they must mention Obama's skin colour twice a race, secondly they must allow him to break all sorts of rules for one season, so he can become a token World Champion, and thirdly they must then hammer him for every slight infringement for the entire next season and give him a crap car, so his career is effectively finished. 'Now way, Keke!', he said, 'Formula 1 doing that to me is as likely as me being elected American President, then after a honeymoon period making myself look like a liar and a fool.' Meanwhile Lewis Hamilton was considering becoming a Democrat candidate in the 2012 US election, saying: 'They need someone like Barack again, you know,

someone getting elected on a pretty much anti-war ticket, then about-facing the minute he's elected. I should fit in nicely at the job.' Ayrton Senna had nothing to say about Mr Obama's appointment. Barack Obama replaces Lewis Hamilton as McLaren driver Although it hasn't happened yet, keen as ever to be first in on the story, a spoof.com reporting team consulted with some psychics and mumbo-jumbo spinners, and a witch doctor from the Congo as to how Jade Goody's funeral will proceed today. "It will be like Princess Diana's funeral revisited, like QM said a couple of weeks ago on the forums, except without the royal palaces and The Mall," Nicky Sleighhbell, a medium from Upminster told us. "Yes, it will start in humble Bermondsey before proceeding to Essex via Tower Bridge," Glenys Allsop, a fair-to-medium from Oldham added. "It will be a sombre occasion. People will toss flowers on the hearse as it passes in a completely hypocritical outpouring of grief for a person they didn't even know." "It will be covered live by Sky News," The witch doctor from the Congo chipped in. "It will be laced with saccharine, commentators will have lumps in their throats where no lumps were present before. She will be feted as no commoner has been feted before. And Britain will return its most high profile racist ignoramus to ashes and dust." This spoof reporter believes that it will be an emotional last ride. The kiddies and the crook widower shall conduct themselves with stiff upper lip throughout, and an air of hitherto unhinted at decency. As will the

crackhead

mother.

As a nation attempts to come to terms with its grief, the witch doctor from the Congo goes to the bar because it's his round. Remember, the spoof always comes first, which is not necessarily a bad thing. More as we get it. Jade's Last Ride